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Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are
Discover why women are so often unhappy with their appearance—and how they can learn to love themselves.
When women are told that what is important about us is how we look, it becomes increasingly difficult for us to feel comfortable with our appearance and how we feel about our bodies. We are told, over and over—if we just lost weight, fit into those old jeans, or into a new smaller pair—we will be happier and feel better about ourselves. The truth is, so many women despise their appearance, weight, and shape, that experts who study women’s body image now consider this feeling to be normal.
But it does not have to be that way. It is possible for us as women to love ourselves, our bodies, as we are. We need a new story about what it means to be a woman in this world. Based on her original research, Hillary L McBride shares the true stories of young women, and their mothers, and provides unique insights into how our relationships with our bodies are shaped by what we see around us and the specific things we can do to have healthier relationships with our appearance, and all the other parts of ourselves that make us women.
In Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image McBride tells her own story of recovery from an eating disorder, and how her struggles led her to dream of a new vision for womanhood—from one without body shame, negative comparisons, or insecurities, to one of freedom, connection, and acceptance.
When women are told that what is important about us is how we look, it becomes increasingly difficult for us to feel comfortable with our appearance and how we feel about our bodies. We are told, over and over—if we just lost weight, fit into those old jeans, or into a new smaller pair—we will be happier and feel better about ourselves. The truth is, so many women despise their appearance, weight, and shape, that experts who study women’s body image now consider this feeling to be normal.
But it does not have to be that way. It is possible for us as women to love ourselves, our bodies, as we are. We need a new story about what it means to be a woman in this world. Based on her original research, Hillary L McBride shares the true stories of young women, and their mothers, and provides unique insights into how our relationships with our bodies are shaped by what we see around us and the specific things we can do to have healthier relationships with our appearance, and all the other parts of ourselves that make us women.
In Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image McBride tells her own story of recovery from an eating disorder, and how her struggles led her to dream of a new vision for womanhood—from one without body shame, negative comparisons, or insecurities, to one of freedom, connection, and acceptance.
224 pages, Paperback
First published October 31, 2017
317 people are currently reading
4770 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 163 reviews
August 25, 2020
This was... fine. I guess. All of the mothers and daughters interviewed were white and I struggled with how light the book was on science, relying instead on a few interviews. She talked a lot about how important our image of our bodies are to our sense of self but gave barely a nod to women of color and how they might be effected in a world that says their bodies are not ideal.
I loathed the story of the dad she praised for changing the channel on shark tank if the women were dressed in a way she deemed inappropriate.
That said, I liked the idea of giving girls lots of places to feel powerful in their bodies and to teach media literacy. I wish this book had been a blog post.
I loathed the story of the dad she praised for changing the channel on shark tank if the women were dressed in a way she deemed inappropriate.
That said, I liked the idea of giving girls lots of places to feel powerful in their bodies and to teach media literacy. I wish this book had been a blog post.
March 10, 2019
2.75
I really liked Hillary McBride's message. She had very powerful insight and wisdom to share that really does need to be heard. She lays her soul bare and vulnerably talks about the heart of a lot pain women have to go through.
However, I really struggled with the writing. It felt as if the final draft wasn't edited. It was very distracting for me.
But I would say me biggest struggle with this book was that, though it was geared towards women, it really only acknowledged those in the audience who were mothers or wanted to be mothers. There was definitely reflection on the perspective of the reader as a daughter, but this was for the daughters who had some kind of connection with their mother. I felt that this book left out addressing this book to: women who don't have daughters, women who don't plan on having children, fathers, or men who care about leaving a healthy impact on women. There is definitely an important impact that happens in parent relationships, but I couldn't help but feel a loss because this book didn't embrace the potential of empowering the women and men who are role models in the lives of girls and young women...the aunties and uncles, single dads, brothers, members of the community. Though this book could have done so much more by being a rallying cry for the ears of all it still had a powerful message and information that is accessible to all.
I really liked Hillary McBride's message. She had very powerful insight and wisdom to share that really does need to be heard. She lays her soul bare and vulnerably talks about the heart of a lot pain women have to go through.
However, I really struggled with the writing. It felt as if the final draft wasn't edited. It was very distracting for me.
But I would say me biggest struggle with this book was that, though it was geared towards women, it really only acknowledged those in the audience who were mothers or wanted to be mothers. There was definitely reflection on the perspective of the reader as a daughter, but this was for the daughters who had some kind of connection with their mother. I felt that this book left out addressing this book to: women who don't have daughters, women who don't plan on having children, fathers, or men who care about leaving a healthy impact on women. There is definitely an important impact that happens in parent relationships, but I couldn't help but feel a loss because this book didn't embrace the potential of empowering the women and men who are role models in the lives of girls and young women...the aunties and uncles, single dads, brothers, members of the community. Though this book could have done so much more by being a rallying cry for the ears of all it still had a powerful message and information that is accessible to all.
January 25, 2022
4.5
guzellik standartlarinin olusturulmasi, bu standsrtlarin
icinde ve disinda kalmanin getirdigi zorluklar, annenizin size istemeden dayattigi beden algisi ve sizin eger fark etmezseniz kendi kiziniza da dayatabileceginiz algilar uzerine ve konusuyor McBride. kendisi terapist ve yillardir bu konu uzerine calismalar yapmis biri.
kitapta onlarca hikaye var. uc kusak kadinin birbirinin hayatindaki etkileri cok net gorebileceginiz hikayeler. kendi travmalarinizi ve cevrenizde olup biteni kesfetmenize yardimci olacak.
annelerin hicbiri mukemmel degil, yazar da bunu vurguluyor. anne-suclayici toplumun karsisinda durmak gerek. her anne de kendi annesinden travmalarla gelip size anne oluyor. muhim olan mesele, annenin travmalarini fark etmesi ve cocuga o sekilde yaklasmasi.
merdiven metaforunu cok sevdim. beraber merdiven cikmak! anne bilincli ise, samimi bir yaklasim ile cocugunla gelisebilirsin. bu hissiyati vermesi, icime su serpti. hepimiz cocuk yetistirmekle ilgili endiselere sahibiz. bu kitap, sadece beden algisi degil bence her konudaki travmalar acisindan ilham verici.
bence cinsiyet fark etmeksizin okumakta fayda var :)
meryem ablama kocamaaan tesekkurler!
guzellik standartlarinin olusturulmasi, bu standsrtlarin
icinde ve disinda kalmanin getirdigi zorluklar, annenizin size istemeden dayattigi beden algisi ve sizin eger fark etmezseniz kendi kiziniza da dayatabileceginiz algilar uzerine ve konusuyor McBride. kendisi terapist ve yillardir bu konu uzerine calismalar yapmis biri.
kitapta onlarca hikaye var. uc kusak kadinin birbirinin hayatindaki etkileri cok net gorebileceginiz hikayeler. kendi travmalarinizi ve cevrenizde olup biteni kesfetmenize yardimci olacak.
annelerin hicbiri mukemmel degil, yazar da bunu vurguluyor. anne-suclayici toplumun karsisinda durmak gerek. her anne de kendi annesinden travmalarla gelip size anne oluyor. muhim olan mesele, annenin travmalarini fark etmesi ve cocuga o sekilde yaklasmasi.
merdiven metaforunu cok sevdim. beraber merdiven cikmak! anne bilincli ise, samimi bir yaklasim ile cocugunla gelisebilirsin. bu hissiyati vermesi, icime su serpti. hepimiz cocuk yetistirmekle ilgili endiselere sahibiz. bu kitap, sadece beden algisi degil bence her konudaki travmalar acisindan ilham verici.
bence cinsiyet fark etmeksizin okumakta fayda var :)
meryem ablama kocamaaan tesekkurler!
January 24, 2022
I was SO prepared to love this book. Maybe that set me up for expecting… more and better.
Hillary McBride’s podcast, “Other People’s Problems” is absolutely amazing. She’s clearly a very talented clinician, which made me even more excited when I realized she was an author as well. AND this was published 4 years ago, so maybe she’d have presented her research differently now.
The good: What a great concept. So much research goes on around how women develop eating disorders, and this book focuses on qualitative, in depth questions posed to women who somehow, amidst the conditions of Euro-American culture, instead developed an abiding love for and enjoyment of their bodies. The premise sold me on reading it.
The bad: What a let down. First, the introduction is by a clinical therapist who specializes in “helping people deal with their emotional histories and trauma”… so that they can finally stop sabotaging their weight loss. Because it’s only when you truly love yourself that you’ll finally shed those pounds that are obviously a vestige of your self hatred and emotional issues. Are you kidding me?
Which leads into one of my key criticisms: you cannot write a book about body image resiliency in our culture without being specifically and critically fat positive. Otherwise your book recreates tropes that reinforce the dominant narratives of the bodies you’re TRYING to theoretically support in developing resiliency. Which is, on several levels, what this book does. Fatness is a topic that is danced around in this book. McBride walks an uncomfortable line in she theoretically supports women embracing their bodies, while simultaneously weaving in subtle comments and moments in which bodies and food are moralized in terms of health.
Additionally, race is spoken about exactly once, when McBride says in a paragraph that she would be negligent not to talk about the impact of race on women’s relationships to their bodies. She then proceeds to literally never talk about it. Also, based on the descriptions of the women she interviewed, they were all white; at no point is this examined as a point of privilege in how they might be able to relate to their bodies positively.
This book repeats some of what is already fairly well known in terms of supporting positive self image in girls and young women, but brings nothing new to the topic. Combined with the aforementioned criticisms, I honestly don’t think it’s worth people’s time.
I am giving it 2 stars because it has a good chapter specifically on emotional regulation.
Hillary McBride’s podcast, “Other People’s Problems” is absolutely amazing. She’s clearly a very talented clinician, which made me even more excited when I realized she was an author as well. AND this was published 4 years ago, so maybe she’d have presented her research differently now.
The good: What a great concept. So much research goes on around how women develop eating disorders, and this book focuses on qualitative, in depth questions posed to women who somehow, amidst the conditions of Euro-American culture, instead developed an abiding love for and enjoyment of their bodies. The premise sold me on reading it.
The bad: What a let down. First, the introduction is by a clinical therapist who specializes in “helping people deal with their emotional histories and trauma”… so that they can finally stop sabotaging their weight loss. Because it’s only when you truly love yourself that you’ll finally shed those pounds that are obviously a vestige of your self hatred and emotional issues. Are you kidding me?
Which leads into one of my key criticisms: you cannot write a book about body image resiliency in our culture without being specifically and critically fat positive. Otherwise your book recreates tropes that reinforce the dominant narratives of the bodies you’re TRYING to theoretically support in developing resiliency. Which is, on several levels, what this book does. Fatness is a topic that is danced around in this book. McBride walks an uncomfortable line in she theoretically supports women embracing their bodies, while simultaneously weaving in subtle comments and moments in which bodies and food are moralized in terms of health.
Additionally, race is spoken about exactly once, when McBride says in a paragraph that she would be negligent not to talk about the impact of race on women’s relationships to their bodies. She then proceeds to literally never talk about it. Also, based on the descriptions of the women she interviewed, they were all white; at no point is this examined as a point of privilege in how they might be able to relate to their bodies positively.
This book repeats some of what is already fairly well known in terms of supporting positive self image in girls and young women, but brings nothing new to the topic. Combined with the aforementioned criticisms, I honestly don’t think it’s worth people’s time.
I am giving it 2 stars because it has a good chapter specifically on emotional regulation.
August 26, 2019
This book feels like therapy: really good, kind, level-headed, therapy. Hillary McBride invites readers into the world of eating disorders, body image dysfunctions, feelings of never enoughness, and the ways these can collide within the beautiful & hard relationships between mothers and daughters. Her research set out to interview young women who reported healthy body image and self-regard, and then dig deeper to understand why and how those women got to where they are. (She also interviews their mothers in most cases.)
Takeaways:
(1) Some of the best stuff was her writing about embodiment. Understanding that there is no separation between your mind/soul and your body is vital to helping create emotional stability, acceptance, and positive regard for your body. Your body isn’t a thing, a machine or an object; it is YOU. It is part of your person, and deserves to be recognized, thanked, cherished, and protected. This theme runs through much of the book and it is such a helpful idea when building positive self-regard.
(2) She deftly walks a fine line between asking readers to remember the ways in which their mother (or father/family) failed them in helping them build inner strength, a sense of beauty and power, confidence, and more, and yet gently reminding people that many of our mothers were doing the very best they knew how to do at the time (excepting in cases of abuse), and that blame can only get us so far. Thus readers are able to engage with potentially very hard memories, but also begin processes of grieving, letting go, forgiving, or closure. The questions provided at the end of each chapter are worth seriously digging into.
5 stars because it’s not only well-written and so helpful, but it’s also a book I’d recommend to others (already have!).
Takeaways:
(1) Some of the best stuff was her writing about embodiment. Understanding that there is no separation between your mind/soul and your body is vital to helping create emotional stability, acceptance, and positive regard for your body. Your body isn’t a thing, a machine or an object; it is YOU. It is part of your person, and deserves to be recognized, thanked, cherished, and protected. This theme runs through much of the book and it is such a helpful idea when building positive self-regard.
(2) She deftly walks a fine line between asking readers to remember the ways in which their mother (or father/family) failed them in helping them build inner strength, a sense of beauty and power, confidence, and more, and yet gently reminding people that many of our mothers were doing the very best they knew how to do at the time (excepting in cases of abuse), and that blame can only get us so far. Thus readers are able to engage with potentially very hard memories, but also begin processes of grieving, letting go, forgiving, or closure. The questions provided at the end of each chapter are worth seriously digging into.
5 stars because it’s not only well-written and so helpful, but it’s also a book I’d recommend to others (already have!).
April 17, 2020
I think this is an incredible and important topic; however, the execution was poor.
The writing was much too stream of consciousness, like a diary. It felt unedited, with almost no facts or studies to back up her casual interviews. There are also parts where she shares harmful opinions.
Here are things that stood out to me in a good way:
"How can we learn to appreciate and feel our beauty and the beauty in others, without it defining us?" This is a balance I've wondered about for myself.
"I don't want to live in a world where being a woman means fitting into a narrow box of ideas. I want freedom, and opportuniyt I want to live in a world where I can dream dreams. I want to exist in a world where I can live out who I want to be, and not choose what kind of sexualized and objectified version of a female body I want to be, or what kind of small shrunk-down apologetic verison of a woman is least offensive to other people."
Here is what really upset me:
She talks about a dad fast-forwarding over women on Shark Tank (model presenters, I think) because of how they were dressed. The author praised this and acted was in alignment with respecting women's bodies. I really disagree. Why can't his message be to his daughter be that he will listen to the messages, watch the women without focusing only on their bodies. Fast forwarding is shaming the woman's body. He is sexualizing the woman's body because he can't see her as anything other than an object--he can't watch a business presentation on Network TV because the women are too scandalously clad? To me he is the problem here and the message he is sending is NOT okay.
That she grew out her hair to be safe in another country was so ignorant and idiotic I can't believe she is making herself an authority-type over women's bodies. Rape isn't about beauty, nor is sex trafficking. It's about power over other people. I think her thinking was so off-base here and it really bothers me that she wasn't able to see that now.
I don't like how she says 'real' to describe women are not in the media. This causes women who align with societal norms naturally to be shamed because they're not 'real'. There are plenty of women who look like the standards. Body shaming is a real thing no matter the size or looks.
"I noticed you have put on some extra weight recently, and I'm concerned about your health." Sorry no, that is fat shaming. Not okay.
"...having unique and attractive physical traits, such as big blue eyes, or long lean legs." Naming them here shows her thoughts: She is feeding into the idea that these traits are more beautiful but only because the Eurocentric powers that be have said so. The way we use language about these types of things is important!
Overall, not worth the read, especially because of the harmful ideas she weaves through her book.
Also, I think writing this book would have been much more impactful by a woman who actually has a daughter.
The writing was much too stream of consciousness, like a diary. It felt unedited, with almost no facts or studies to back up her casual interviews. There are also parts where she shares harmful opinions.
Here are things that stood out to me in a good way:
"How can we learn to appreciate and feel our beauty and the beauty in others, without it defining us?" This is a balance I've wondered about for myself.
"I don't want to live in a world where being a woman means fitting into a narrow box of ideas. I want freedom, and opportuniyt I want to live in a world where I can dream dreams. I want to exist in a world where I can live out who I want to be, and not choose what kind of sexualized and objectified version of a female body I want to be, or what kind of small shrunk-down apologetic verison of a woman is least offensive to other people."
Here is what really upset me:
She talks about a dad fast-forwarding over women on Shark Tank (model presenters, I think) because of how they were dressed. The author praised this and acted was in alignment with respecting women's bodies. I really disagree. Why can't his message be to his daughter be that he will listen to the messages, watch the women without focusing only on their bodies. Fast forwarding is shaming the woman's body. He is sexualizing the woman's body because he can't see her as anything other than an object--he can't watch a business presentation on Network TV because the women are too scandalously clad? To me he is the problem here and the message he is sending is NOT okay.
That she grew out her hair to be safe in another country was so ignorant and idiotic I can't believe she is making herself an authority-type over women's bodies. Rape isn't about beauty, nor is sex trafficking. It's about power over other people. I think her thinking was so off-base here and it really bothers me that she wasn't able to see that now.
I don't like how she says 'real' to describe women are not in the media. This causes women who align with societal norms naturally to be shamed because they're not 'real'. There are plenty of women who look like the standards. Body shaming is a real thing no matter the size or looks.
"I noticed you have put on some extra weight recently, and I'm concerned about your health." Sorry no, that is fat shaming. Not okay.
"...having unique and attractive physical traits, such as big blue eyes, or long lean legs." Naming them here shows her thoughts: She is feeding into the idea that these traits are more beautiful but only because the Eurocentric powers that be have said so. The way we use language about these types of things is important!
Overall, not worth the read, especially because of the harmful ideas she weaves through her book.
Also, I think writing this book would have been much more impactful by a woman who actually has a daughter.
January 28, 2020
Really eye opening and constructive. It didn't read like your typical self-help book, more like a dissertation. Some take aways:
- The media has a huge effect on how we view our bodies unless we are proactive about calling out the lies we see and engaging with the unrealistic images in a positive way- recognizing they are fake and unobtainable. Recognizing the effect they can have on us and talking about it.
It is important to focus on the experience of being in our bodies. Embodiment. We are the combination of our minds and bodies.
Be grateful for the story my body tells. Don't be afraid to take up space.
-Doing our best for our children is enough.
- The media has a huge effect on how we view our bodies unless we are proactive about calling out the lies we see and engaging with the unrealistic images in a positive way- recognizing they are fake and unobtainable. Recognizing the effect they can have on us and talking about it.
It is important to focus on the experience of being in our bodies. Embodiment. We are the combination of our minds and bodies.
Be grateful for the story my body tells. Don't be afraid to take up space.
-Doing our best for our children is enough.
August 12, 2021
I liked a lot of this book, but the chapter that stated that having spirituality was basically the only way you could fully accept your body bugged me…
It also bothered me that it was founded mainly in interviews with a few people and didn’t seem to pull from science or a larger population.
It also bothered me that it was founded mainly in interviews with a few people and didn’t seem to pull from science or a larger population.
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February 11, 2026Çok uzun zamandır yarım kalmış bir kitap. Beden algısı üzerine çok araştırma yapılıyor, çok konuşuluyor ancak herkesin erişebileceği Türkçe olarak derli toplu bir kaynak yoktu. Bu nedenle bu konuda zorlanan biriyseniz mutlaka okumanızı öneriyorum. Daha önce düşünmediğim, kurmadığım cümleler var. Bunları kendi kaynaklarınızı genişletmek için ve kadın dayanışmasını güçlendirmek için kullanabilirsiniz.
"Peki ya başkalarını ya da aynada kendimizi gördüğümüzde, bir dizi fiziksel özelli��e indirgediğimiz bir kişi yerine, benzersiz umutları, yaraları, kayıpları, yetenekleri ve tuhaflıkları olan gerçek bir üç boyutlu insan görsek? Karşılaştırma bizi, bir araya gelmek ya da güzelliği, güçlü yanları, ortak insanlığı görmek yerine birbirimizi uzaklaştırmaya, farklılıkları görmeye zorluyor."
"Bedeniniz harika ancak görünüşünüz asla sevgiye layık hissetmenizin tek yolu değil. Nasıl göründüğünüzden bağımsız olarak sevildiğinizi bilirseniz, belirli şekillerde aidiyet, değer ya da şefkat kazanmaya çalışmak zorunda kalmadan gelen özgürlüğü yaşamaya başlayabilirsiniz."
"Peki ya bizim güzelliğimiz sadece bir başkası için, özellikle de erkekler için değilse? Örneğin, gerçekten güzel olduğumuzu bildiğimizde, bunun nedeni başkasının bize güzel olduğumuzu (ya da eskiden güzel olduğumuzu) söylemesi ya da bize ilgi göstermesi olmasa? Peki ya kimse böyle düşünmese veya bize söylemese bile güzel olduğumuzu bilsek?"
"Peki ya başkalarını ya da aynada kendimizi gördüğümüzde, bir dizi fiziksel özelli��e indirgediğimiz bir kişi yerine, benzersiz umutları, yaraları, kayıpları, yetenekleri ve tuhaflıkları olan gerçek bir üç boyutlu insan görsek? Karşılaştırma bizi, bir araya gelmek ya da güzelliği, güçlü yanları, ortak insanlığı görmek yerine birbirimizi uzaklaştırmaya, farklılıkları görmeye zorluyor."
"Bedeniniz harika ancak görünüşünüz asla sevgiye layık hissetmenizin tek yolu değil. Nasıl göründüğünüzden bağımsız olarak sevildiğinizi bilirseniz, belirli şekillerde aidiyet, değer ya da şefkat kazanmaya çalışmak zorunda kalmadan gelen özgürlüğü yaşamaya başlayabilirsiniz."
"Peki ya bizim güzelliğimiz sadece bir başkası için, özellikle de erkekler için değilse? Örneğin, gerçekten güzel olduğumuzu bildiğimizde, bunun nedeni başkasının bize güzel olduğumuzu (ya da eskiden güzel olduğumuzu) söylemesi ya da bize ilgi göstermesi olmasa? Peki ya kimse böyle düşünmese veya bize söylemese bile güzel olduğumuzu bilsek?"
January 15, 2024
3.5 🌟
This book I am in two minds about. It preaches white feminism with little to none intersectionality which I found a tad problematic (especially when addressing the the importance of race in one paragraph without addressing race?). This is the same with fat bias. You'd think that a book that addressed body image and eating disorders would be more equipped to discuss antifatness, however felt avoided and often went in other direction which was very odd. It was a very good beginners guide for people who are exploring these themes for the first time, particularly enjoyed the chapter on spirituality and pain, the ending was emotional. Was digestible and easy to read and understand. Think it needed to say more but liked what it did say. Missed the mark sometimes but hit it completely others. Would recommend to white mothers of daughters for sure and might reread if that chapter of my life occurs.
This book I am in two minds about. It preaches white feminism with little to none intersectionality which I found a tad problematic (especially when addressing the the importance of race in one paragraph without addressing race?). This is the same with fat bias. You'd think that a book that addressed body image and eating disorders would be more equipped to discuss antifatness, however felt avoided and often went in other direction which was very odd. It was a very good beginners guide for people who are exploring these themes for the first time, particularly enjoyed the chapter on spirituality and pain, the ending was emotional. Was digestible and easy to read and understand. Think it needed to say more but liked what it did say. Missed the mark sometimes but hit it completely others. Would recommend to white mothers of daughters for sure and might reread if that chapter of my life occurs.
September 20, 2020
Ethnographical yet personal, and extremely well-researched. Though I only got three quarters through it as I have other books I’m more interested in at the moment. There are reflection questions after each chapter and I didn’t have the patience in my current headspace to answer them. Might finish this later on when I’m not so busy. Not sure if it’s just me, but I think it loses steam toward the end.
November 30, 2025
Fikir olarak çok güzel ama bir olmamışlık var nedense. Çevirinin zayıflığından da kaynaklanıyor olabilir.
December 30, 2021
It is staggering to think about how to raise a daughter, or just be a woman, in a society in which upwards of 90% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. McBride is always an incredibly welcome, thoughtful and soothing presence on the Liturgists podcast, so I was happy to dive into some of her work. She is a therapist and researcher, specializing in body image and eating disorders. I like her strengths- based approach, focusing on daughters and mothers who love their bodies. It is too easy to focus on illness instead of wellness, and it reminded me of Brene Brown’s interviews and research on whole-hearted people.
Through vignettes of mothers and daughters, she names the deep-seated messages we inherit about femininity, taught through both explicit conversation and modeling how we should feel about our bodies, as well as how we should talk, act, and speak in general. I recognized many of my own experiences in their stories, and this storytelling method humanized the research she weaves in.
She emphasizes the crucial role mothers have in this process of identity development, but also touches on the influence of peers, extended family, media, siblings, fathers and pornography. It makes me want to be more aware of what I am verbalizing about my body to other women and girls, as well as be a more critical consumer of messages I am receiving from all kinds of sources. Women have the power to spread freedom and self-love to each other, counteracting the societal narrative of body hatred.
She also had a really interesting section on embodiment, and how easy it is for women to be disconnected from our own needs because we have not fostered a strong relationship to our body. This is something I have considered before as I have learned more about grounding practices and somatic psychotherapy, so it was stimulating to read her thoughts on that particular subject. Additionally noteworthy that all the women who loved their bodies also had a deep and vibrant spiritual life.
My criticism is that she seemed to be describing a middle-to-high SES, majority white cultural views of women’s bodies, and only gave a cursory nod to the differing experiences of women of color in America. I wish she would have said outright that she was describing the experiences and research done in dominant culture, and didn’t lump it all together as American culture, which felt a bit colorblind and myopic, since different cultures within America have conflicting and differing views of beauty which are complex and wrapped up in oppression.
Through vignettes of mothers and daughters, she names the deep-seated messages we inherit about femininity, taught through both explicit conversation and modeling how we should feel about our bodies, as well as how we should talk, act, and speak in general. I recognized many of my own experiences in their stories, and this storytelling method humanized the research she weaves in.
She emphasizes the crucial role mothers have in this process of identity development, but also touches on the influence of peers, extended family, media, siblings, fathers and pornography. It makes me want to be more aware of what I am verbalizing about my body to other women and girls, as well as be a more critical consumer of messages I am receiving from all kinds of sources. Women have the power to spread freedom and self-love to each other, counteracting the societal narrative of body hatred.
She also had a really interesting section on embodiment, and how easy it is for women to be disconnected from our own needs because we have not fostered a strong relationship to our body. This is something I have considered before as I have learned more about grounding practices and somatic psychotherapy, so it was stimulating to read her thoughts on that particular subject. Additionally noteworthy that all the women who loved their bodies also had a deep and vibrant spiritual life.
My criticism is that she seemed to be describing a middle-to-high SES, majority white cultural views of women’s bodies, and only gave a cursory nod to the differing experiences of women of color in America. I wish she would have said outright that she was describing the experiences and research done in dominant culture, and didn’t lump it all together as American culture, which felt a bit colorblind and myopic, since different cultures within America have conflicting and differing views of beauty which are complex and wrapped up in oppression.
July 16, 2019
As a member of the Liturgists, Hillary McBride often provides a much-needed psychological and engendered view that might otherwise be lacking on the podcast, depending on the subject matter. Her soothing, pragmatic, and yet almost spiritually mystical way of discussing bodies—their spiritual and physical dimensions, and their intersection in the field of psychology—has produced much healing and clarity for many.
In this book, McBride sets out to share a piece of her research (on women who are happy and embodied in themselves), and explore what bodies truly are, and what they mean for women: precisely, mothers and daughters in the world we live in. She seeks to understand just what it is about women’s bodies that is so vital to being raised a whole, healthy person in our society. The underlying messages are important, but the book isn’t without its encumbered distractions.
The book could have used a solid editor. This is not in any way to belittle McBride’s broad intelligence and experience, or the hard work of all those involved in the writing of this book, but the frequent (as in each paragraph) use of introductory words and parenthetical phrases set off by a plethora of commas truly got in the way of the flow of information—however rich it was. The pace felt stilted, unattached, and choppy at times, and beyond the several spelling errors, there was even a quote used twice, word for word, as if each was its own unique attribution.
Other than the repetitive material that was at times hard for me to get excited to wade through, the messages in this book are vital and freeing: important for those of all ages, genders, times, and experiences.
In this book, McBride sets out to share a piece of her research (on women who are happy and embodied in themselves), and explore what bodies truly are, and what they mean for women: precisely, mothers and daughters in the world we live in. She seeks to understand just what it is about women’s bodies that is so vital to being raised a whole, healthy person in our society. The underlying messages are important, but the book isn’t without its encumbered distractions.
The book could have used a solid editor. This is not in any way to belittle McBride’s broad intelligence and experience, or the hard work of all those involved in the writing of this book, but the frequent (as in each paragraph) use of introductory words and parenthetical phrases set off by a plethora of commas truly got in the way of the flow of information—however rich it was. The pace felt stilted, unattached, and choppy at times, and beyond the several spelling errors, there was even a quote used twice, word for word, as if each was its own unique attribution.
Other than the repetitive material that was at times hard for me to get excited to wade through, the messages in this book are vital and freeing: important for those of all ages, genders, times, and experiences.
September 25, 2018
McBride manages to condense the complexity of her research into a format that feels like a conversation over coffee. Throughout this book, she finds women with a healthy body image and dissects their origin. Her findings may even surprise you.
McBride’s tone is very gently, yet honest. I highly recommend this read for everyone; regardless of your gender or history of mental health. Mothers, Daughters and Body Image brings to light common narratives of our culture that are harmful to women, as well as healthy ways to perceive your own body. It made me realize that while the women in my life have had to fight this battle of self-actualization (for which they may not have been properly prepared), they have managed to give me a ladder (McBrides term for a mental way out) to a higher appreciation for my body and for life itself.
McBride’s tone is very gently, yet honest. I highly recommend this read for everyone; regardless of your gender or history of mental health. Mothers, Daughters and Body Image brings to light common narratives of our culture that are harmful to women, as well as healthy ways to perceive your own body. It made me realize that while the women in my life have had to fight this battle of self-actualization (for which they may not have been properly prepared), they have managed to give me a ladder (McBrides term for a mental way out) to a higher appreciation for my body and for life itself.
December 21, 2020
Let me start by saying that I absolutely love Hillary McBride. I listen to the Liturgist Podcast and make a point to listen to any podcast where she is a guest. She is brilliant and thoughtful with her words. However, I did not enjoy this book. It seemed to lack so much of the magic that Hillary tends to have when speaking. It was dull and focused heavily on very specific examples from individuals she interviewed. This book was choppy with long, confusing sentences. A good editor was absent. Because of how much I normally enjoy her, I will continue to listen to Dr. McBride and I would be willing to try again on reading a later publication - this book however, was a disappointment.
September 21, 2020
The focus of this book is on health: good mental health, good eating health, good body image health.
I especially appreciated the author, a psychologist, being vulnerable in sharing her own story of being a victim of eating disorder, as well as the journey and progress she has made. This would be a great book for middle and high school students to read for health class as it embraces the mind-body connection, and healthier ways to view our self and others, body and soul.
It also includes frank and gracious discussion of how the mother-daughter relationship impacts our identity and ways we view our body/ourself.
I highly recommend this book as a mother and as a daughter.
I especially appreciated the author, a psychologist, being vulnerable in sharing her own story of being a victim of eating disorder, as well as the journey and progress she has made. This would be a great book for middle and high school students to read for health class as it embraces the mind-body connection, and healthier ways to view our self and others, body and soul.
It also includes frank and gracious discussion of how the mother-daughter relationship impacts our identity and ways we view our body/ourself.
I highly recommend this book as a mother and as a daughter.
December 8, 2018
My beautiful daughter sent me this book. She is going to be an amazing mom some day. Love that she shared this book with me!
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January 30, 2024Daha önce okuduğum psikoloji kitaplarına göre daha çok düşündürmeye, iç dünyaya bakmaya yönlendiren bir kitap. Bilimsel destekler yine var ama daha terapi gibi, yazarın kendi fark ettiklerini aktardığı, danışanlarının anlattıklarını çözümlemeye çalıştığı bir kitap. Normalde bu tür kitaplar danışanların sorunları üzerine odaklanır ama yazar farklı bir yol izleyip sağlıklı bulduğu kişilerin nasıl sağlıklı olduklarını anlamaya, anlatmaya karar vermiş. Sağlıklı bulduğu kızlarla ve onların anneleriyle konuşmuş. Bu hayatlarda da eksik ve hatalar var fakat neleri farklı yaptıklarını okumak bir katkı sağlıyor. Batı’da yazılmış bir kitap olsa da kadınların yaşadığı ortak deneyimler kitabın okuyan çoğu kişiye hitap etmesini sağlayabilir. Kitabın özeti kültürün, dünyanın süregelen olumsuz etkilerine rağmen kendimizi, bedenimizi nasıl sevebiliriz ve bunu kızlarımıza nasıl aktarabiliriz?
Yazarın bakış açısı bazen fazla toz pembe gelebiliyor. Katılmayacağınız fikirler, açıklamalar, eksik bulduklarınız olabilir. Dili aşırı akademik değil ama çeviriden kaynaklı yer yer ne demek istediği karışıyor. Tekrara düştüğü yerler var. Yazım ve noktalama hataları için gözden geçirilebilir. Kitabın kapağında yağlıboya bir resim kullanılmış. Açıklama isteyen bir kapak olmuş. Kapakta neden bir piton yılanı var?
“Matrofobi. …Tamamen evrensel olmasa da bir gün annelerimize dönüşeceğimiz korkusu epey normal.” (30)
“…pek çok anne kız ilişkisi gibi çelişkilerden ve karmaşık ironilerden ibaret.” (37)
“…belirli bir şekilde görünürsek seçilebilir olduğumuza inanmanın eziyetli hapishanesine karşı kazanılan bir zafer…” (44)
“…kızlar hikayelerdeki tutarsızlıkları anlamakta iyidirler.” (65)
“…’Yaralardan değil, yara izlerinden konuşmak.’ Bununla, çocuklarımıza iyileştirmekten sorumlu olmadıkları açık duygusal yaraları deşmekle bizi şekillendiren ve artık sona erdiğini, aştığımızı bildiğimiz acı verici yolculuğumuzdan bahsetmek arasında bir fark olduğunu vurguluyor.” (71)
“…davranışlarını değerinden ayırmanız gerekecek. … Onu sevdiğinizi ve sevginizi kazanmak zorunda olmadığını bilmesi gerekiyor.” (78)
“Karşılaştırmanın dezavantajı, söz konusu ‘ideal’ olduğunda, neredeyse her zaman ona daha yakın birinin olacağıdır.” (88)
“Neufeld’in ilkesine göre ifade her zaman talebi aşmalıdır, yani ona günde beş, altı veya on kez sarılmanız gerekir. Bunu yaptığınızda çocuğunuz sadece ihtiyacı olanı elde etmekle kalmaz, aynı zamanda hayatı için çok önemli olan şefkati asla ‘istemek’ zorunda kalmayacağını da öğrenir.” (94)
“Peki yetişkin ve eğitimli kadınlar bunlara inanmaya başlarsa, imaj ve fikirleri sünger gibi çeken ve benimseyen genç kızların şansı nedir?” (104)
“… görüştüğüm kadınların her birinde medyayı gözler açık şekilde takip etme ve bu konu üzerine düşünme yetisi olduğu ortaya çıktı.” (106)
“Kendimizi nasıl sunacağımız konusunda seçimler yaptığımızı sanıyoruz ancak aslında kadın olmak üzerine bizim izlemediğimiz pornografiden etkilenmiş bir hikayeyi oynuyoruz.” (126)
“Pornografi, izleyelim ya da izlemeyelim yahut romantik bir birliktelik içinde olduğumuz kişi izlesin veya izlemesin, kadın olmanın ne anlama geldiğine dair fikirlerimize sızmayı başardı.” (127)
“… aracılık, yani onunla aldığı mesajların arasına girdiğinizde yaptığınız şey. … ona sorular da sorabilirsiniz: ‘Bunun hakkında ne düşünüyorsun? Sen ya da arkadaşların, birileri tarafından beğenilmek için görünüşünüzü değiştirmeyi hiç denediniz mi? Bu nasıl oldu? Sence bu şekilde yaşamakta bir sorun var mı?’” (128)
“…bedenlerimizde fiziksel direnci veya gücü deneyimlemenin şaşırtıcı bir şekilde kendimizi ve bedenimizi olduğu gibi sevmek için gerçekten önemli bir unsur olmasıdır.” (137)
“Kızınıza, her şeyden önce, onun düşüncesi ve duyguları kadar bedeninin de kendisi olduğunu anlatabilirsiniz.” (154)
“Bu kadın akademisyenler, ahlak ve gelişme üzerine yapılan büyük araştırmaların erkek ve erkekleri araştırarak yapıldığını fark etmişlerdi; araştırmalarda kızlar ya da kadınlar yoktu. Buna rağmen bulgular aynı şekilde kadınlara da yansıtılmıştı.” (165)
“Bunu kendi ergenlik dönemi deneyimlerinizden de hatırlayabilirsiniz: Başkalarının sizin hakkınızda ne düşündüğünü okumak için çok fazla zaman harcamak ve başkalarının fikirlerine karşı daha savunmasız olmak.” (168)
“Sesimiz ve bedenimiz, birlikte, diğer insanların bağlantı olarak bize katılabileceği köprülerdir…” (169)
“… kanıtlama ve düzeltme canavarı…” (172)
“…rahat ettirmek için başkasının bir versiyonu olmak zorunda değil, dünyaya sunacak benzersiz özellikleri var.” (173)
“Onu, diğer insanlar rahatsız olduğunda ortaya çıkan tepkiyle başa çıkmaya hazırlayabilirsiniz. Bunu yaparak ancak sadece başka birinin olmasını istediği kişi olduğunda kabul edildiğini bilmekten kaynaklanan içsel kargaşayı yaşamasını engellersiniz.” (173)
“Zihinsel özgürlük, sadece bize neye mal olacağı endişesi olmadan çevremizde neler olup bittiğini analitik olarak değerlendirebilmekten ve düşünebilmekten kaynaklanabilir.” (174)
“Çoğu insanın görmediği şeyler görmek ise ne yaşayacağımızın hiçbir garantisi olmadan, ayağımızı nereye yerleştireceğimize karar vermek için muhakeme yeteneğimizi kullanarak belirsizliğe girmek anlamına gelir.” (174)
“…medyada iletilenler gibi fikirleri pasif bir şekilde tüketiyorsak, aslında özgür değiliz. Üstümüzde gücü olan bir sistemde sıkışıp kalmış durumdayız.” (175)
“Hayatımda olması gerekenler neler ve bunları nerede öğrendim? Bu şekilde olmak zorunda mı? Bununla ilgili neyi seviyorum ve bir kadın olarak sağlıklı olmamı benim için zorlaştıran nedir? Kendinizden ne beklediğinizi annenizden ve hayatınızdaki diğer kadınlardan öğrenip öğrenmediğinizi sorun. Bir anneyseniz, kızınızdan istediğiniz şeylerin aslında kendiniz için istediklerinizin yansımaları olup olmadığına dikkat edin. Bu noktada lisede amigo olan ve kızının da aynı şeyi yapmasını isteyen klasik anne örneğini düşünüyorum; böylece ortak bir deneyimi birlikte yaşayabilirler. Kızınızın o gruba ait olmasını istemek sizin inisiyatifinizde değil, bu tamamen onunla ilgili.” (176)
“… uyum sağlamamız gerekmeyen gruplar olduğunu bilmek bizim için önemli…” (177)
“Neyin yanlış olduğunu gerçekten görmediğimizde sosyal gelgite uyum sağlamak için o kadar çok çalışıyoruz ki, kendimize ve başkalarına sesimizi duyurma yetimizi, konuşma yeteneğimizi kaybedebiliyoruz.” (180)
“… kızınıza çok değerli bir şeye, yani kendisine mal olur. ‘Kızlar’ ‘seslerinden’ mahrum kalınca büyüdüklerinde temel bir şey eksiktir. Kişinin düşüncelerine ve fikirlerine, korkularına ve zaferlerine ses vermek, özgüven ve cesaret oluşturur.” (198)
“Yeme bozukluğu olan kadınların filozof kraliçeler olduklarını söylemişti.” (221)
“… beyinlerimizin ve bedenlerimizin benliğin farklı ve bağımsız olarak işleyen yönleri olmadığını bilmek yararlıdır.” (231)
“Kendimizi sevmenin en iyi yollarından biri, sahip olmadığımız şeyi kendimize vermektir. Çocuklarımızı ve bize yakın olanları sevmenin en iyi yollarından biri, kendimize ve birbirimize sahip olmadığımız şeyleri vermektir.” (249)
Yazarın bakış açısı bazen fazla toz pembe gelebiliyor. Katılmayacağınız fikirler, açıklamalar, eksik bulduklarınız olabilir. Dili aşırı akademik değil ama çeviriden kaynaklı yer yer ne demek istediği karışıyor. Tekrara düştüğü yerler var. Yazım ve noktalama hataları için gözden geçirilebilir. Kitabın kapağında yağlıboya bir resim kullanılmış. Açıklama isteyen bir kapak olmuş. Kapakta neden bir piton yılanı var?
“Matrofobi. …Tamamen evrensel olmasa da bir gün annelerimize dönüşeceğimiz korkusu epey normal.” (30)
“…pek çok anne kız ilişkisi gibi çelişkilerden ve karmaşık ironilerden ibaret.” (37)
“…belirli bir şekilde görünürsek seçilebilir olduğumuza inanmanın eziyetli hapishanesine karşı kazanılan bir zafer…” (44)
“…kızlar hikayelerdeki tutarsızlıkları anlamakta iyidirler.” (65)
“…’Yaralardan değil, yara izlerinden konuşmak.’ Bununla, çocuklarımıza iyileştirmekten sorumlu olmadıkları açık duygusal yaraları deşmekle bizi şekillendiren ve artık sona erdiğini, aştığımızı bildiğimiz acı verici yolculuğumuzdan bahsetmek arasında bir fark olduğunu vurguluyor.” (71)
“…davranışlarını değerinden ayırmanız gerekecek. … Onu sevdiğinizi ve sevginizi kazanmak zorunda olmadığını bilmesi gerekiyor.” (78)
“Karşılaştırmanın dezavantajı, söz konusu ‘ideal’ olduğunda, neredeyse her zaman ona daha yakın birinin olacağıdır.” (88)
“Neufeld’in ilkesine göre ifade her zaman talebi aşmalıdır, yani ona günde beş, altı veya on kez sarılmanız gerekir. Bunu yaptığınızda çocuğunuz sadece ihtiyacı olanı elde etmekle kalmaz, aynı zamanda hayatı için çok önemli olan şefkati asla ‘istemek’ zorunda kalmayacağını da öğrenir.” (94)
“Peki yetişkin ve eğitimli kadınlar bunlara inanmaya başlarsa, imaj ve fikirleri sünger gibi çeken ve benimseyen genç kızların şansı nedir?” (104)
“… görüştüğüm kadınların her birinde medyayı gözler açık şekilde takip etme ve bu konu üzerine düşünme yetisi olduğu ortaya çıktı.” (106)
“Kendimizi nasıl sunacağımız konusunda seçimler yaptığımızı sanıyoruz ancak aslında kadın olmak üzerine bizim izlemediğimiz pornografiden etkilenmiş bir hikayeyi oynuyoruz.” (126)
“Pornografi, izleyelim ya da izlemeyelim yahut romantik bir birliktelik içinde olduğumuz kişi izlesin veya izlemesin, kadın olmanın ne anlama geldiğine dair fikirlerimize sızmayı başardı.” (127)
“… aracılık, yani onunla aldığı mesajların arasına girdiğinizde yaptığınız şey. … ona sorular da sorabilirsiniz: ‘Bunun hakkında ne düşünüyorsun? Sen ya da arkadaşların, birileri tarafından beğenilmek için görünüşünüzü değiştirmeyi hiç denediniz mi? Bu nasıl oldu? Sence bu şekilde yaşamakta bir sorun var mı?’” (128)
“…bedenlerimizde fiziksel direnci veya gücü deneyimlemenin şaşırtıcı bir şekilde kendimizi ve bedenimizi olduğu gibi sevmek için gerçekten önemli bir unsur olmasıdır.” (137)
“Kızınıza, her şeyden önce, onun düşüncesi ve duyguları kadar bedeninin de kendisi olduğunu anlatabilirsiniz.” (154)
“Bu kadın akademisyenler, ahlak ve gelişme üzerine yapılan büyük araştırmaların erkek ve erkekleri araştırarak yapıldığını fark etmişlerdi; araştırmalarda kızlar ya da kadınlar yoktu. Buna rağmen bulgular aynı şekilde kadınlara da yansıtılmıştı.” (165)
“Bunu kendi ergenlik dönemi deneyimlerinizden de hatırlayabilirsiniz: Başkalarının sizin hakkınızda ne düşündüğünü okumak için çok fazla zaman harcamak ve başkalarının fikirlerine karşı daha savunmasız olmak.” (168)
“Sesimiz ve bedenimiz, birlikte, diğer insanların bağlantı olarak bize katılabileceği köprülerdir…” (169)
“… kanıtlama ve düzeltme canavarı…” (172)
“…rahat ettirmek için başkasının bir versiyonu olmak zorunda değil, dünyaya sunacak benzersiz özellikleri var.” (173)
“Onu, diğer insanlar rahatsız olduğunda ortaya çıkan tepkiyle başa çıkmaya hazırlayabilirsiniz. Bunu yaparak ancak sadece başka birinin olmasını istediği kişi olduğunda kabul edildiğini bilmekten kaynaklanan içsel kargaşayı yaşamasını engellersiniz.” (173)
“Zihinsel özgürlük, sadece bize neye mal olacağı endişesi olmadan çevremizde neler olup bittiğini analitik olarak değerlendirebilmekten ve düşünebilmekten kaynaklanabilir.” (174)
“Çoğu insanın görmediği şeyler görmek ise ne yaşayacağımızın hiçbir garantisi olmadan, ayağımızı nereye yerleştireceğimize karar vermek için muhakeme yeteneğimizi kullanarak belirsizliğe girmek anlamına gelir.” (174)
“…medyada iletilenler gibi fikirleri pasif bir şekilde tüketiyorsak, aslında özgür değiliz. Üstümüzde gücü olan bir sistemde sıkışıp kalmış durumdayız.” (175)
“Hayatımda olması gerekenler neler ve bunları nerede öğrendim? Bu şekilde olmak zorunda mı? Bununla ilgili neyi seviyorum ve bir kadın olarak sağlıklı olmamı benim için zorlaştıran nedir? Kendinizden ne beklediğinizi annenizden ve hayatınızdaki diğer kadınlardan öğrenip öğrenmediğinizi sorun. Bir anneyseniz, kızınızdan istediğiniz şeylerin aslında kendiniz için istediklerinizin yansımaları olup olmadığına dikkat edin. Bu noktada lisede amigo olan ve kızının da aynı şeyi yapmasını isteyen klasik anne örneğini düşünüyorum; böylece ortak bir deneyimi birlikte yaşayabilirler. Kızınızın o gruba ait olmasını istemek sizin inisiyatifinizde değil, bu tamamen onunla ilgili.” (176)
“… uyum sağlamamız gerekmeyen gruplar olduğunu bilmek bizim için önemli…” (177)
“Neyin yanlış olduğunu gerçekten görmediğimizde sosyal gelgite uyum sağlamak için o kadar çok çalışıyoruz ki, kendimize ve başkalarına sesimizi duyurma yetimizi, konuşma yeteneğimizi kaybedebiliyoruz.” (180)
“… kızınıza çok değerli bir şeye, yani kendisine mal olur. ‘Kızlar’ ‘seslerinden’ mahrum kalınca büyüdüklerinde temel bir şey eksiktir. Kişinin düşüncelerine ve fikirlerine, korkularına ve zaferlerine ses vermek, özgüven ve cesaret oluşturur.” (198)
“Yeme bozukluğu olan kadınların filozof kraliçeler olduklarını söylemişti.” (221)
“… beyinlerimizin ve bedenlerimizin benliğin farklı ve bağımsız olarak işleyen yönleri olmadığını bilmek yararlıdır.” (231)
“Kendimizi sevmenin en iyi yollarından biri, sahip olmadığımız şeyi kendimize vermektir. Çocuklarımızı ve bize yakın olanları sevmenin en iyi yollarından biri, kendimize ve birbirimize sahip olmadığımız şeyleri vermektir.” (249)
November 19, 2018
I read this book slowly and journaled when I felt like I needed to. Certain chapters brought up stronger emotions than others – I particularly benefited from the chapter on strength, the chapter on spirituality, and the one on pain and emotional regulation.
McBride interviewed women with healthy body image and their mothers. It was forgiving and beautiful to see that mothers with negative body image could still raise confident, healthy daughters if they were intentional about it. She uses the metaphor of a ladder frequently – the mother giving her daughter what she never had, and then, in turn, the daughter sometimes can reach down and help her mother come up the ladder a bit more.
McBride is honest about her own eating disorder and relationship with her mother. It is beautiful to see her own process of healing, growth, and re-connection with her mom.
While reading this book, I realized that I am still somewhat new in my attempts at body positivity. I think I have told myself and others that I’ve been here for a while, but the truth is I am still clumsily learning how to be in my body in a healthy, holistic way. Therapy, exercise, and yoga help, and so do books like this.
5 stars because I had an emotional response and connection to this book, and because I love Hillary McBride.
McBride interviewed women with healthy body image and their mothers. It was forgiving and beautiful to see that mothers with negative body image could still raise confident, healthy daughters if they were intentional about it. She uses the metaphor of a ladder frequently – the mother giving her daughter what she never had, and then, in turn, the daughter sometimes can reach down and help her mother come up the ladder a bit more.
McBride is honest about her own eating disorder and relationship with her mother. It is beautiful to see her own process of healing, growth, and re-connection with her mom.
While reading this book, I realized that I am still somewhat new in my attempts at body positivity. I think I have told myself and others that I’ve been here for a while, but the truth is I am still clumsily learning how to be in my body in a healthy, holistic way. Therapy, exercise, and yoga help, and so do books like this.
5 stars because I had an emotional response and connection to this book, and because I love Hillary McBride.
March 10, 2024
I really felt like I learned a lot from this book about how parents and children have a tremendous impact on how we view our bodies as women. It was really interesting to learn about the messages that we are sending and receiving surrounding body image without even realizing it. I think that everyone should read this book, especially if you have a daughter or are a daughter. The only part that I really didn’t like was the second to last chapter (chapter 8) where seemingly out of nowhere she brought in ideas of God and spirituality being beneficial to women’s confidence. While I think that spirituality can certainly be very beneficial, believing in God/Christianity is not the only way of practicing spirituality. Although there were a few parts of the book that I feel could use some improvement and further research, overall I found the book to be very thought provoking.
December 19, 2023
I wanted to like this book so much more than I did. The final chapter and epilogue encapsulated what I hoped the whole book would be. The chapter on media is entirely skippable, as it was unfortunately surface level (models in magazines and advertisements have their bodies edited to look like that!).
Additionally, the multiple grammatical errors and excessively long “paragraphs” had me cringing and constantly pulled out of the story.
If the last chapter and epilogue were pulled out and turned into an article, that would be wonderful. The full book, however? Far too drawn out for my taste.
Additionally, the multiple grammatical errors and excessively long “paragraphs” had me cringing and constantly pulled out of the story.
If the last chapter and epilogue were pulled out and turned into an article, that would be wonderful. The full book, however? Far too drawn out for my taste.
November 15, 2021
Highly recommend this read for all women. Examines the physical, emotional, mental, cultural and spiritual components that shape our view of our bodies. Written by a psychologist for sure, but written in relatable terms, combining real life stories with a clinical understanding of how we process experiences and perceive beliefs.
Not the most well-written book ever for grammer and sentence structure - a little awkward and cumbersome, but clarity was not lost.
Not the most well-written book ever for grammer and sentence structure - a little awkward and cumbersome, but clarity was not lost.
April 4, 2022
I did thoroughly enjoy this, but gave it three stars because it felt incomplete in a lot of ways. I wish there was more intersectionality, I wish there were more ways to help us love our bodies rather than reflection questions at the end, I wish it breached topics like self image in society more than just talking about media and generational trauma.
May 20, 2024
Interesting and insightful read on the complexity of the mother-daughter relationship and it's impact on body image. The author combined insight from interviews that she has conducted, from scientific research and her own personal stories and examples. Encouraging & empowering, with practical ideas and questions to think through.
May 19, 2021
So thankful for Hillary’s work on this topic. Such important content. I appreciated the reflection questions at the end of each chapter. The book would have benefited from some good editing, but I will still recommend + return to it for reference in the future.
May 5, 2024
This book is incredible. It does such a great job of dissecting and discussing mother daughter relationships. It made me thankful for my own mom and all she had taught me about loving myself, and also made me scared and excited to maybe have a daughter of my own one day. There is hope in being a woman who encourages and fosters good body image in our friends and family!
Such a great read for really any mom or daughter.
Such a great read for really any mom or daughter.
September 23, 2019
Dang - if you are trying to heal your body dysmorphia and if you are trying to do it for the sake of your daughter - I simply cannot recommend this book enough. Wow.
June 22, 2020
Love this book. Read and re-read. Great tool to help me teach my daughter and myself to love our bodies.
March 1, 2021
An insightful and thought-provoking book about loving your self, both body and soul, as a woman. Will definitely return to this when I become a mother.
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