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Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples: A Clinician's Guide to Using Mindfulness, Values, and Schema Awareness to Rebuild Relationships
Relationships take work. In this much-anticipated book, best-selling author Matthew McKay and psychologist Avigail Lev present the ten most common relationship schemas, and provide an evidence-based acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) treatment protocol for professionals to help clients overcome the barriers that hold them back in their relationships.
Romantic relationships are a huge challenge for many of us, as evidenced by our high divorce rates. But what is it that causes so much pain and discord in many relationships? In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples, Matthew McKay and Avigail Lev provide the first ACT-based treatment protocol for couples that identifies the ten most common relationship schemas—and the coping behaviors they drive—to help you guide clients through their pain and toward solutions that reflect the needs and values of the couple.
Rather than working to stop relationship schemas from being triggered or to reduce schema pain, you’ll be able to help your clients observe and name what triggers their rigid coping behaviors when their schemas are activated. And by learning new skills when they’re triggered, your clients will be able to replace avoidant and coping behaviors with values-based action for the betterment of the relationship.
By making your clients’ avoidant behavior the target of treatment— as opposed to their thoughts and beliefs—this skills-based guide provides the tools you need to help your clients change how they respond to their partner.
Romantic relationships are a huge challenge for many of us, as evidenced by our high divorce rates. But what is it that causes so much pain and discord in many relationships? In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Couples, Matthew McKay and Avigail Lev provide the first ACT-based treatment protocol for couples that identifies the ten most common relationship schemas—and the coping behaviors they drive—to help you guide clients through their pain and toward solutions that reflect the needs and values of the couple.
Rather than working to stop relationship schemas from being triggered or to reduce schema pain, you’ll be able to help your clients observe and name what triggers their rigid coping behaviors when their schemas are activated. And by learning new skills when they’re triggered, your clients will be able to replace avoidant and coping behaviors with values-based action for the betterment of the relationship.
By making your clients’ avoidant behavior the target of treatment— as opposed to their thoughts and beliefs—this skills-based guide provides the tools you need to help your clients change how they respond to their partner.
- GenresPsychology
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
September 21, 2024
As a therapist that works within the ACT model, this was a great introduction into couples work using models and theories I’m already familiar with. I do work predominantly with neurodivergent individuals so I had to keep that in mind when reading through the some activities that I recognize could be overwhelming or unproductive for some of my clients. However, the model dialogue is fantastic and the general tips on navigating a space with multiple people are fantastic, there’s just a lot of worksheets and charts for clients that might not work for every couple.
June 1, 2026
As a therapist that works with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy everyday, this was a fantastic introduction to navigating couples work using a modality I am already familiar with.
At times, the shift from one person to two, or even three or more, in relational counseling can feel incredibly intimidating. People are complex enough just as individuals, and now we're supposed to be working with multiple? How can there possibly be enough time to cover everything we want to, ensure it if fully heard and affirmed, AND then do the deeper work of finding alignment between complex and autonomous individuals? Not to mention potential moments of conflict, disagreement, or tension coming up in session as we come across points of pain or discomfort.
ACT has a way! Just like individual sessions, so much of ACT for couples focuses on values. What kind of partner do you want to be? Communicative? Adventurous? Generous? Patient? What can you do to work towards that? Values work in couples really pulls back into the individual scope of control - what can YOU do?
ACT also focuses on internal narratives - what are the stories we're telling ourselves to make sense of the world around us - or the person in front of us? How do we perceive intention, connection, and emotion when we are often reading between the lines to try and gain some deeper understanding of why things happen the way they do?
Lev includes a VARIETY of activities and worksheets for couples to engage in, which could be helpful both in a session and for folks who might want to try them at home on their own time. So many people indicate that they want "real world skills" or concrete "actions" to take home from therapy, and I think this book offers a lot of hands on skill building beyond emotional processing.
My one caveat would be that some of these activities or interventions might not align with the processing needs or styles for neurodivergent people. As a therapist that works specifically with Autistic teens and adults, I did find myself noticing activities that I would be more hesitant to introduce with Autistic clients. That doesn't mean you can't try them out! It's more a check in around how your brain might navigate different parts of the process.
Overall, a great step into couples work (or even just a new perspective on ACT) for any ACT practitioner, therapist, or even individual who believes that some support in their relationships might be beneficial.
At times, the shift from one person to two, or even three or more, in relational counseling can feel incredibly intimidating. People are complex enough just as individuals, and now we're supposed to be working with multiple? How can there possibly be enough time to cover everything we want to, ensure it if fully heard and affirmed, AND then do the deeper work of finding alignment between complex and autonomous individuals? Not to mention potential moments of conflict, disagreement, or tension coming up in session as we come across points of pain or discomfort.
ACT has a way! Just like individual sessions, so much of ACT for couples focuses on values. What kind of partner do you want to be? Communicative? Adventurous? Generous? Patient? What can you do to work towards that? Values work in couples really pulls back into the individual scope of control - what can YOU do?
ACT also focuses on internal narratives - what are the stories we're telling ourselves to make sense of the world around us - or the person in front of us? How do we perceive intention, connection, and emotion when we are often reading between the lines to try and gain some deeper understanding of why things happen the way they do?
Lev includes a VARIETY of activities and worksheets for couples to engage in, which could be helpful both in a session and for folks who might want to try them at home on their own time. So many people indicate that they want "real world skills" or concrete "actions" to take home from therapy, and I think this book offers a lot of hands on skill building beyond emotional processing.
My one caveat would be that some of these activities or interventions might not align with the processing needs or styles for neurodivergent people. As a therapist that works specifically with Autistic teens and adults, I did find myself noticing activities that I would be more hesitant to introduce with Autistic clients. That doesn't mean you can't try them out! It's more a check in around how your brain might navigate different parts of the process.
Overall, a great step into couples work (or even just a new perspective on ACT) for any ACT practitioner, therapist, or even individual who believes that some support in their relationships might be beneficial.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews