Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In

by Anjali Kumar

Anjali Kumar, a pragmatic lawyer for Google, was part of a rapidly growing population in highly spiritual but religiously uncommitted. But when her daughter was born, she became compelled to find God -- or at least some kind of enlightenment.

Convinced that traditional religions were not a fit for her, and knowing that she couldn't simply Google an answer to "What is the meaning of life?", Kumar set out on a spiritual pilgrimage, looking for answers -- and nothing was off limits or too unorthodox. She headed to the mountains of Peru to learn from the shamans, attended the techie haunt of Burning Man, practiced transcendental meditation, convened with angels, and visited saints, goddesses, witches, and faith healers. She even hired a medium to convene with the dead.

Kumar's lighthearted story offers a revealing look at the timeless and vexing issue of spirituality in an era when more and more people are walking away from formal religions. Narrated from the open-minded perspective of a spiritual seeker rather than a religious scholar, Kumar offers an honest account of some of the less than mainstream spiritual practices that are followed by millions of people in the world today as she searches for the answers to life's most universal Why are we here? What happens when we die? Is there a God?

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Spirituality, Religion, Self Help, Book Club, Travel

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 16, 2018

Reviews

[Heidi Wiechert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anjali Kumar is a lawyer who is used to having all the answers. After she had a daughter, Anjali realized she knew very little about the big questions: why are we here? What is it all about? Is there a God?

"In 2010, when my daughter Zia was born, I decided that I needed to find God." loc 24, ebook.

Anjali went on a quest to find out the answers, not only for the sake of her daughter, but also herself. She touches all the bases - from meditation to faith healing to Burning Man to yoni worship - Anjali leaves no stone unturned in her search to find what is real.

"Along the way, I learned to chant, to meditate, and to marvel. I wrestled with my own identity, from my ethnic and cultural roots in India, to my femininity, to my role as a woman, daughter, mother, and wife. ... I fancied myself an explorer, no different really than Magellan or Columbus. I was looking for a new world." locs 148-163.

It's a fascinating memoir.

Before each experience, Anjali puts in her research in an effort to find the science behind the beliefs. It's not always as concrete as she would like it to be, but Anjali tries to engage her brain and her heart in her quest.

This is before she goes to her first "para-tan sounding": "According to string theory, the entire universe is basically humming - all of it and all of us. Add that to the fact that the chanting of mantras has a long, compelling spiritual history, that cancer researchers are using sound- high-intensity focused ultrasound- to successfully destroy prostate cancer cells ... and this whole Paramji thing starts to look like it might be grounded in a bit of hard science..." loc 500

Anjali tries to keep an open mind, even when things sound very strange: "One thing I had to be cognizant of... was how difficult it is as an outsider to come to terms with what are easy to perceive as the odd behaviors and strange beliefs of 'other people.' ... as outsiders we have no idea what those behaviors and traditions stand for or mean." loc 904.

She finds layers of meaning, even when particular experiences weren't all that she hoped they would be. Anjali also experiences a few surprises along the way.

"I was looking for a theory of everything spiritual for Anjali and Zia. And yet, so far, just like those physicists had failed to find a theory of everything in the entire universe, I had failed to find a theory of everything for my own spirituality." loc 1343.

And she never gives up because: "A spiritual home is something that we all have to find for ourselves." loc 2853.

Recommended for seekers everywhere. Anjali's discoveries may not be earth-shattering, but they're real and worth the read.

Thank you to NetGalley and Seal Press for a free advance reader copy of this book. Reminder: the short quotations in this review may change or be omitted in the final printed version.

[Kelly]

This won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it absolutely delighted me. The book begins when Anjali decides she wants to find "something to believe in" following the birth of her daughter. After not growing up with a religious faith, she decided to pursue a wild array of different spiritual beliefs over the course of a year -- which becomes much more than a year -- in order to see what it is people find in these things that gives them a connection to the spiritual. These are not quests of different religious faiths; they're unorthodox approaches to spirituality and this distinction is important (and ultimately why I liked this so much).

Kumar is quite skeptical in her quests, but never once does she knock the beliefs. She's skeptical without being cruel and when she leans in, she leans in. Her takeaways are not about laughing yoga or Burning Man or seeing a shaman or meeting with the woman whose hugs are purported to cure all ills. Rather, her takeaways are about the importance of coming into your own, believing in yourself, and believing in whatever it is that gives you a sense of grounding, of connection to others, and to feeling like there's a bigger world out there, however that looks and feels.

The final part of the book digs into the idea of Nones: how many of us in the US don't subscribe to a specific religion but are instead either deeply spiritual, somewhat spiritual, or not at all spiritual. That this number is so large is part of why many of these "unorthodox" means of seeking enlightenment are so fascinating and appealing.

I'm not religious but am deeply spiritual. I find my footing in nature and in the sutras of yoga (which, of course, are not my own nor are they a religious belief system -- they're a set of guidelines for things to do for the world and things to restrict from yourself). So spiritual journeys like Kumar's really mirror much of my own in terms of wanting something and coming to the ultimate realization that the ideal thing for me is just letting myself find what I need, where I need it, and when I need it.

This was especially good in light of Anjali not being a white lady on a quest; we've been there and done that.

[Randal White · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Search For The Meaning Of Life The author, a successful business person and mother, came to the decision that she had to find the answer to THE BIG QUESTIONS in order to explain them rationally to her young daughter. The four big questions of life. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? What happens when we die? And is there a God? Shouldn't be hard for a rational, driven, very intelligent person to answer, right? One should be able to do it in less that a year. I really like her reasoning on why she had to search. "Religiously and spiritually speaking, nothing I had experienced thus far was a perfect fit. I was walking barefoot, so to speak. Not because I wanted to, but because I had a closet full of uncomfortable shoes."Kumar gives it her all. She examines SO many different religions and beliefs, traveling all over the world in her search. And it takes longer than she initially thought, years longer. She tries faith healers, Wiccans, sweat lodges, crazy hallucinogenic drugs, yoga, even the Burning Man festival. And, rather than finding the "right" answer, she finds a little bit of knowledge in each one. To quote her again, "I started thinking about how one of the big product attributes of religion is that it gives us hope. That hope is firmly embedded in the thought that if there is more, then we actually matter." Combining all her findings, she comes to a sense of peace. In the end, she comes back to one of her original religions, Jainism. Which states that no single person can have ownership or knowledge of absolute truth. You have no choice but to respect differences. And respect for differences leads to greater harmony. I like that. And until the time we come to the end of our lives and find out what, if anything, is next, that is a good principle to live by. I received this book from NetGalley, in return for a fair and honest review. This one was easy. Out of a hundred or so books that I have read and reviewed this year, it is absolutely in my top five. And it will be sticking with me for a long, long time!

[Lorilin · Rating 4 out of 5]

After Anjali Kumar has a baby, she decides she needs greater spiritual understanding---mostly so she knows what to tell her daughter when her daughter asks:

Why are we here?
What is the meaning of life?
What happens when we die?
Is there a God?

So Kumar goes on a quest for answers. Of course she avoids the more traditional paths---no Middle American churches for her. Instead she travels the world and attempts to find answers in, oh for example, a sweat lodge, over lunch with a (dirty) medium, at Burning Man, and even through a little cardio at Soul Cycle. In the end, she doesn't answer her questions exactly, but she learns that everyone is connected and looking for the same things (health, happiness, and love), and this brings her a little bit of peace.

 *     *     *     *     *

I enjoyed this book for the most part. It's a little contrived, but I appreciated Kumar's humor and her no-nonsense attitude. She's definitely got an Eat Pray Love vibe going on with this memoir, which is entertaining...but also sometimes a little self-important and whiney, too. Thankfully, Kumar keeps things moving along, so I never felt bored or terribly irritated. And ultimately I liked her inclusive, forgiving, and kind message. I'll be interested to see what she writes next.

ARC provided through Amazon Vine.

See more of my reviews at www.BugBugBooks.com!

[Casey Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well written, fun upbeat book. The author wants to find meaning behind the science of spirituality. A fun read for those of us who don't have the means to afford all the experiences that she does. in the end I think it falls a bit flat.

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love a good search for your spirit book and this doesn’t disappoint. Plus, now I don’t have to go to Burning Man!

[Chandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

*2021 Reading Challenge Week 1: Spirituality

I was raised as what the author calls a 'none' - a person without any religious affiliation. We 'nones' are a growing and diverse group of roughly 56 million Americans who range from hardcore atheism to deeply spiritual. I found it a lonely and confusing way to grow up. The 'none' that I was raised as was vaguely Judeo-Christian in that we believed in Capital G 'God' and celebrated the major Christian holidays - albeit in a very secular way. We did not attend church.

The 'not attending church' was a sore spot for most of my childhood and teen years. I longed for the community and belonging that churchgoers had. The one time we attended a Unitarian service and I got to go to the Sunday school was pure bliss. The summer I spent with my aunt and attended her Baptist church was life changing....until it wasn't and my parents told me in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed to be a Baptist. I cried, but I didn't put up too much of a fight.

I landed in my 20s still looking for a spiritual home. I took online quizzes which usually said I should be Quaker. That didn't sound right. I almost converted to Catholicism so I could marry my husband in the church of his youth. My father was not amused. (Ironic since he's gone full on evangelical Christian in his old age) My husband told me it really didn't matter to him, and we eloped in Las Vegas.

I became a lot more comfortable with my 'none' status in my 30s and now 40s. Unlike so many others, having a child actually made me more accepting of my 'none-ness'. My daughter's experience being a 'none' seems much more comfortable than mine was. I think I've been able to tap into a secular version of the community that I was missing as a kid. (I also know now that a lot of the loneliness I felt as a kid was because my parents were anti-social) I'm now really grateful to have been raised as a 'none' and have been able to find my own spiritual way in this world. (In fact, one of the conclusions the author reaches is that spirituality is an intensely personal journey) But I still have this outsider fascination with organized religion, spirituality, and faith.

I was originally going to read a 'self help' book for my first book of 2021, but the title and description of this book just grabbed me so I changed the category to 'spirituality' at the last minute. I felt such kinship in the author's quest and the open-minded way she went about it.

The first chapter about the Brazilian faith healer, John of God, had me worried as I'm intensely skeptical of so-called gurus. I think it's pretty clear from a quick google search that this guy is a charlatan (no matter what Oprah says). Thankfully, the author seemed to reach the same conclusion, and her subsequent search proved to be more varied and enlightening. Some of it was squirm inducing - tantric sound healing...no thanks! Some of it was genuinely intriguing - wicca...I'm legit thinking of starting my own coven!

In the end, it was a worthy and interesting memoir that I'm glad I read. Spoiler alert: she doesn't find her spiritual home, but grows and learns a lot along the way.

As for me, I don't believe in any kind of traditional god, but I do believe in moments of transcendence that feel like 'god'. I believe in our importance and our insignificance. I believe in balance. I believe that a life well-lived full of truth, beauty and human connection is about the best we can do.

[Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anjali Kumar references Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love (both the book, and the movie based on it, validly distinguishing between the two) many times in Stalking God. Maybe one wouldn't exist without the other, but Kumar's book is so much better than Gilbert's that I'm sad it hasn't gotten more attention. Anjali Kumar is funny, self-aware, insightful, smart, and a good writer. She also, undeniably, had an outsize budget for her spiritual explorations and an attraction to more offbeat than average practitioners. Still, I found her stories engaging and her conclusions sound, and am so glad I stumbled upon her book!

[Chirag Donga · Rating 4 out of 5]

When a corporate girl goes for conquest of spirituality. ...
It's a nicely written anecdotal experience of hers during spiritual journey. One this I liked the most.
Generally people seek 3 things in their life
1) Health
2) Happiness
3) Love
Really people don't want big answers. And the strange thing is that they do not want to tell it to anyone.

[Cyndy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lighthearted, humorous, enlightening...spirituality 101. Loved it. My take-away is to at least learn TM.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read - like she was talking to friends as she wrote.
Interesting topics - something a lot of people are looking to learn about.

[Kamilla · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was not what I was expecting...it's a rich Indian American woman bragging about all her famous techie friends, her paid work vacations, etc. Trying to find out how to explain god to her new daughter. Except that (spoiler alert) she never figures it out. I expected this to be a deeper insight into more serious spiritual philosophies but this was definitely not that. One of the churches she highlights is SoulCycle which basically tells you what this book is like. Like, she went to Peru to try Ayahuasca which would have been cool but then (spoiler alert) she chickened out and never tried it and tried to frame this as some kind of spiritual awakening. And the whole book is like this...she never goes deep with anything, just experiences it on a surface level for half a day and then gives a very shallow account of it pretending like it was something profound. I do give it two stars because I did learn about some cool new stuff, like Wiccans and what happens in silent retreats.

This would have been ok had it been written with a comic bent or as a satire but she really took herself too seriously for something incredibly shallow. The writing was also not good at all. I ended up just skimming through paragraphs because I just really didn't care how she met so-and-so at some conference and they hit it off for the 10th time.

Also this is another spoiler alert but she does not come off as a good person...especially at the end of all her spiritual journeying, which you'd expect would have a positive effect on someone. But in the last chapter she sees a friend's husband walking with his arm around some other woman to a hotel and instead of being a good friend and either stalking them to find out what's going on or calling the friend to tell her to get over there ASAP she convinces herself the more "spiritual" thing would be to cleanse her brain of friends baggage in preparation for her bougie silent retreat and ignore the whole incident. If this is what new age spirituality leads to count me out.

[Lecy Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was less about seeking God and more about looking for spirituality and Kumar went looking for it everywhere. From Machu Picchu to Japan, Anjali traveled the globe to immerse herself in a variety of spiritual experiences like living in a communal R.V. at Burning Man to feasting with a group of witches. She does this all to prepare herself for the existential questions she is sure will come from her then-unborn child. Throughout this book, I couldn't help but think to myself that this story had already been written and when I pondered on it a bit more, I realized that I was relating it to the portion of Liz Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love, when she was practicing in the Indian ashram. Unfortunately for Kumar, Gilbert's recount was a lot less like reading a research paper and a lot more entertaining. This wasn't anything I'd write home about. *ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[Celine Arabella · Rating 2 out of 5]

For a book called "Stalking God", it seems like she goes into an incredible amount of effort to do the exact opposite. She deep-dives into religions that do not believe in a god, and avoids those that do. I thought it would be more of a look into the different big religions from a skeptics perspective, but also some smaller kookier shit thrown in there, but it was just the kooky stuff. And because of that it lacks depth, which is what I hoped the book would have in spades.

[Hannah Michauville · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anjali writes about her spiritual adventures in such an honest way I just wanted to join her! Her unusual search helped me in realizing there's so much more to religion and spirituality than meets the eye. I'm grateful to have read this book and it has inspired me to look in my own unorthodox places for spiritual awakenings.

[Sujith Philipose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Almost my life too ... but this one with wilder adventures, clearer questions, and better writing skills.
The end result is the same though :) whatever the path.

Felt like one of those funny travel chronicles. Liked it.

[Novelliterati · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who does not love to go down the memory lane to cherish the college days, the moments spent with friends, and the wisdom gained from the campus experiences! That is precisely what Virinchi B Srinivasan has done in his work, In the Whirlpools of the Koel River.
The book is an elaborate account of the years spent in Rashtriya Engineering College, Koelpura, by Sashi, the protagonist. Sashi, a South Indian Brahmin boy, from Madras becomes a REC student quite unexpectedly and unwillingly. To fuel his disillusionment, REC turns out to be the worst place with its internal politics, racism, and ragging which often resulted in a physical assault. Sashi’s cocoon of pride is shattered by his friends, and he starts accepting reality gradually. What follows are topsy-turvy campus days with typical elements like riots, festivals, election, romance, suspension, escapade, and betrayal. The author has extensively portrayed how these events shape the perspectives of, Sashi, his friends and foes, during the college days and how they look it twenty-five years later during a reunion. Moreover, all of this comes packed in a language that befits the mood of the genre.
Since this a memoir of campus days, there are many characters in it. However, only those with a story leave a mark in the mind of the readers. Murali is one such character who will definitely etch a place for himself for his principles and ethics. Next to him, as with teachers, the readers are sure to remember the trouble makers the most and then the good-fellows.
On the flipside, the use of a non-linear and at times overlapping narration gives a dizzy reading experience. Given the lighter subject of the novel, the narrative structure used seems to be a mismatch. For the same reason, some parts of the text may feel boring and leave the readers exhausted.
What makes Vrinchi’s work unique is the realistic depiction of “closet-bigotry that the native
of every state secretly practiced.” In fact, that is the case in most of the similar Indian colleges, even today.

“Each state didn’t even seem to tolerate the eating habits of others…Kasi was right, Subramanya Bharati was impractical!”

Further, through these stories that are based on his actual experiences, he showcases how life is a full circle: there are no permanent enemies or allies, we smile over things we have cried and cry over those we have smiled at, what appears to be triumph at point proves to be failure at another time, what is of dire importance at one instance turn trivial at some other point. So, if one has the patience to take a muzzy ride through this three-hundred-plus-pages-story, this perspective and the nostalgia of 90’s are the rewards that the novel offers.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was more of a memoir of a religious pursuit of happiness. I personally did not care for it, I expected it to be told more like a story rather than an itinerary of the authors adventures in finding her way. It was well written, just not in a style I personally prefer. If you love the idea of seeking a greater being and you love a good adventure with a little comedy and wit thrown in, this story may be for you.

[Juan González · Rating 5 out of 5]

I approached this book under pretenses similar to those that lent themselves to Kumar's mission: not having something firm to spiritually/religiously believe in, but wanting to. It was a true delight acting as witness to somebody's journey to clear their own metaphysical haze, especially under such 'unorthodox' circumstances. Kumar specifically picked out spiritual exercises that have the individual at their center: from vipassana meditation to psychic mediums, wicca to soulcycle. As a result, Kumar's journey is very much a journey of finding herself as it is of finding 'more.' This served as the foundation for the biggest takeaway I got from this book: only by looking within will be able to see beyond (or decide whether we even want to go there). Another reviewer noted that Kumar's writing style is very 'diary-esque,' and with this I agree, but I personally found that that style lent itself to a more organic reading experience. Of important note, Kumar doesn't approach these spiritual exercises with a colonialist or 'oooh-ahhh' kind of eye (*cough* Elizabeth Gilbert *cough*), but rather, acknowledges and respects their cultural contexts.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

After the birth of her child Anjali Kumar, who was Senior Counsel at Google, found herself with a sense of need to find God. She never felt as if she found a spiritual connection and she wanted to be able to show her daughter. She was Raised in an Indian household in the Hindu religion Jainism and attended a Catholic school for part of her youth.

She set on a very long journey which led her to healers, spiritual leaders. She practiced meditation, yoga, and other spiritual practices, all with the hope of answering the big questions in life. What is life’s meaning, god, and death.

This is a perfect book for anyone who has ever been curious about different types of religious practices or spirituality. It also sheds light on how many people are searching for answers to the same questions. Anjali is a good writer and the book is quite funny. I would definitely recommend.

I received a copy from NetGalley for my honest review

[Sue Fernandez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC of this title in exchange for my honest review. While Anjali Kumar is a lawyer, coming from the tech world, married to a doctor, and I'm just a middle aged women who has long wondered the same questions, I felt a kinship with her. I didn't really have the means to strike out to find the answers, and Kumar did that for me. We all wonder, or most do, "is there a God?" Once she had her daughter Kumar felt it upped the stakes. She went on some orthodox and unorthodox searches. This book is funny, touching and I enjoyed it a great deal. I've always "thought" I wanted to go to Burning Man...not so sure now, but I feel like the author did it for me!

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

funny, self-deprecating young Mom sets out on a world tour [sweat lodge, Burning Man, silent meditation retreat, faith healer, magic mushrooms.....] of possible paths to spirituality, with an eye toward being able to give her daughter answers to questions about why we're here, whether there is a God, etc.

spoiler alert: no definitive proof one way or the other about God, but she does end up concluding that everyone is seeking health, happiness, and love above all. Seems fair enough as a shopping list.

some memoir along the way about her growing up to be a lawyer who was high up at Google, but mostly focused on the spiritual communities and leaders she encounters along the way.

[Jyoty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book thoroughly. I lived vicariously through her journey for the meaning of life. I have always been curious about many of the “off the beaten path” religions she experienced, so this was a great way to get the “inside” scoop on the religions with candid and humorous feedback, yet a positive takeaway from each of them. Something was learnt, which enhanced her spiritual journey, so it was definitely worth her taking on the adventures with a relative open mind. I just wished she had found complete answers by the end, that of course that would be asking for too much.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read. At times reflective and at others it is hilarious. She purposely avoids mostly full religions and opts for specific activities (sweat lodge, tantric sounding etc.) They were interesting to look at as individual experiences but it doesn’t seem like she is trying to learn more about that belief system beyond the individual experience. This is fine but at times it made me wonder if she was just trying to see if one experience could give her all the answers she wanted. Fun book. Definitely read parts to my family to crack them up.

[Lynda Lippin · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a former western philosophy professor who has also done her share of mystical seeking, this book spoke to me! I enjoyed hearing Kumar, who at the time was head counsel for Google, talk about her attempts to find a connection to something greater. Her account of suffering on a dank yoga mat through a Bikram yoga class is priceless and mirrors mine! She is smart, funny, and articulates her dilemmas well.

[Sammantha Tillotson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It is a humble piece about Anjali's search for a spiritual home that she can share with her daughter. I thought t was very well written and interesting. I love how Anjali approaches this serious question with an open heart, a sense of humor, and a real desire to explore what's out there even if that means going to a witches coven or standing naked on a beach covered in mud. Definitely recommend.

[Batty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book was way better than I originally expected. I picked it up at the library because I myself am also on a spiritual quest of sorts and thought perhaps she had learned the answers to life, the universe and everything. While she didn't have the concrete answer to God she did project the overarching theme of goodness, compassion and curiosity. This book left me with a feeling of hope and also some interesting ideas to look into further.

[Izabela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and an interesting read; this book examined seeking spirituality in the twenty-first century. The author offered a fresh take on popular and not-so-popular activities that people participate in, in an attempt to answer the fundamental why-questions. Different experiences were explained in first-hand accounts and that was what made this book enjoyable!

[Aubrey Craft Jr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this book. Anjali’s writing style is refreshingly funny and relatable. Her story is filled with profound insights on the human condition and the insecurities we all encounter on this beautiful blue ball in space. I admittedly ‘lost it’ and felt tears on my face more than once while accompanying her on this journey of spiritual insight. Highly recommended!

[DearBookClub · Rating 4 out of 5]

In "Stalking God: My Unorthodox Search for Something to Believe In," corporate lawyer Anjali Kumar takes us along on her journey to end her "spiritual homelessness." Anjali tries to find spirituality in the desert of Nevada-- at the Burning Man. Then she explores Witch Wiccan faith. She also travels to Brazil, to confer with one of the world’s most infamous faith healers, a guy named John of God.