Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: How to Connect or Reconnect With Your Spouse, Grow Together, and Strengthen Your Marriage

by Marcus Kusi, Ashley Kusi

How to connect or reconnect with your spouse, grow together and strengthen your marriage - EVEN if you don't know where to start.Do you feel something is missing in your marriage? Do you feel like roommates? Are you worried about drifting apart?Do you ever miss the connection you once had? Do you want to fall "in love" again so you can rekindle intimacy in your marriage?Needless to say, you are not alone.The truth is, we all want to feel loved and desired by the person we have committed to spend the rest of our life with.Somewhere along the journey, life gets in the way; busy schedules, pregnancies, kids, health issues, looming work deadlines, career changes, unexpected life and family events, etc.Your spouse is physically present with you, but it feels like they are miles away. The spark and excitement are waning. You are slowly growing apart.The sad truth is Lack of intimacy in marriage can easily lead to resentment, anger, frustrations, feeling neglected, miserable, and even divorce.But, don't give up yet.No matter how hopeless you feel about the state of your marriage, we believe you can rekindle intimacy with your spouse.Because it happened to us too.We used to be just like you, missing that deep connection, meaningful conversations, and excitement we had when we first met.However, we have used what we share in this book to reconnect, grow together and rekindle intimacy in our marriage; emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, physically, sexually, and much more.As a result, we now have a healthier, happier, sexier, and satisfying marriage.In this marriage book, you will learn how 1. Connect or reconnect with your spouse so that you can rekindle your marriage, without breaking your budget.2. Overcome emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy issues like mismatched sexual desires in the bedroom.3. Communicate your feelings with courage, even when you feel hurt, frustrated, or angry. 4. Create a safe haven so you can be vulnerable with each other without feeling judged.5. Deal with anxiety about intimacy for yourself or your spouse.6. The 5 simple things we do every day that's been proven to strengthen intimacy in many marriages; even if you have little time.7. More than 52 conversation starters for deeper conversations, building trust, intellectual and emotional intimacy.8. The different forms of intimacy every couple needs to know so you can build that intimate connection you both desire.9. Over 69 simple, yet effective ways to rekindle intimacy, romance, and the passion you once had.Plus, the 30-Day and 12-Month intimacy challenge for couples; which is about practicing intimacy in your marriage every single day.You see, a marriage without emotional and sexual intimacy is bound to be unfulfilling.So, if you want to enhance intimacy in your marriage, rekindle the romance, and have satisfying sex with your spouse, then this relationship book is for you.

Genres: Marriage, Counselling, Relationships, Nonfiction

192 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 9, 2017

About the author

I'm a dedicated husband, passionate father, and love spending time with my family.

Together with my amazing wife, I help newlyweds adjust to married life and inspire married couples to become better husbands and wives.

In addition, I host the First Year Marriage Show podcast and co-authored two best selling marriage books with my wife:

1. Communication in Marriage: How to Communicate with Your Spouse Without Fighting

2. First Year of Marriage: The Newlywed's Guide to Building a Strong Foundation and Adjusting to Married Life

Visit me at www.OurPeacefulFamily.com

Reviews

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Several years ago Marcus and Ashley Kusi launched a podcast focused on helping couples in their first year of marriage. They have engaging personalities and an accessible style. They’ve expanded that platform to speak to marital issues on a number of topics with Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage as the latest addition to that platform.

The main thesis of Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is that intimacy flows out of the overall health of a couple: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It is a solid thesis and there is certainly some worthwhile advice sprinkled throughout, but overall the book is shallow and without sufficient psychological or theological moorings to be considered a go-to resource for couples.

There is certainly nothing wrong with a couple who is self-taught offering advice, but without a background in psychology or theology, it makes the book feel much more like the kind of advice you might pick up from a tv or radio show. It doesn’t help that there didn’t appear to be a strong editor who worked on the book and simple things like the use of parenthesis instead of footnotes or endnotes detracts from the readability.

More importantly, as a Christian, I found myself disagreeing with a fair amount of the secular pop-psychological worldview the Kusis assume. What passed for spiritual intimacy in their relationship, for instance, was worse than a thinner version of the healthier possibilities, it is deeply problematic. “If one of you believes in prayer, while the other believes in sending good intentions out into the universe,” the Kusis encourage, “you can do those things together.” Not if the person who believes in prayer really understands what prayer is. And the pop-psychological effects run deeper than just the spiritual side. It means that the solutions to deep issues are trivialized. “Do you have a problem controlling others?” They ask. “Stop.” Oh, if only it were so easy. While a pop-psychological foundation can help with relational issues such as communication and expectations, it can’t actually deal with heart and emotional issues.

The strength of the book are the questions and exercises at the end of the chapters. A couple would certainly be benefited to walk through those alone.

All told, I think there are better options available in this space than Emotional and Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.

[Mariah Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband and I decided to read several books in the marriage category this year. Care taking and special needs add a special pressure to marriage that we are trying to stay several steps ahead of. 🙃 This was ok—nothing earth shattering that you don’t already know after almost 20 years of marriage. It runs you through all the different types of intimacy: emotional, spiritual, physical, financial, intellectual, etc. Each section ends with questions, which were fun. We appreciated the prompts. Wouldn’t say we agree with everything they say in this book, but it did give us a few new ideas to implement.

[Melani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marcus and Ashley have made another book about how to strengthen your relationship. There is so much in this book. It talks about the finer details on how to expand and grow as yourself and with your spouse and some tips on how to do so! The fact that Marcus opens up and tell us the readers that he had to learn about "being a man" and that it doesn't mean that guys never cry, quite the opposite. A man that is in-tune with his feelings can typically get the girls easier since we women can connect deeper with them. It is nice to read a book about how to repair or just make your marriage better from people that have been there and its not just from one point of view it is from both of them and I think that makes this valuable! There isn't just great insite in the book there are links to their site www.ourpeacefulfamily.com to help you with steps along the way to help you become the couple you want to be. There are also questions in the book you can answer with your spouse so it isn't just a sit down and read there are questions you can answer and get to know each other and your goals as a couple more thoroughly.
Although it is packed with a ton of information that we know sometimes we forget its the simple day to day things that make our marriage and our relationships in general work. You want to tell your best friend everything so why not do the same with the spouse. Even if they are two separate people.
One of my favorite chapters was the one about spiritual intimacy. I think its one of the things my husband and I struggle with the most and I have never thought that there are ways around not sharing the same beliefs and sharing with your kids. It's about the core learning and feelings not all the extra stuff. One of the things that makes the books from Marcus and Ashley unique is that they add their own personal stories to it as well so its not just "this is how you fix it" they add their own personal touch that they have gone through it and they want others to not have to. Although it is apart of being a couple.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me start off with this - If you read this book and come away with nothing substantial, you have to be adamantly against the idea of accepting any help whatsoever, because there are so many wonderful suggestions listed in this book, about how to strengthen the most important types of connections you can have with your spouse. And while my husband and I are definitely new to marriage, I found myself agreeing with a lot of Marcus & Ashley's advice, relating to our own experiences of having the past 8 years of living together under our belt as well. I feel like the two of them have been through it all and come out even stronger for it, which is evident through their writing.

What really resonated with me was the concept, introduced in Chapter 6 (Physical & Sexual Intimacy), of never giving up on the notion of pursuing your spouse. It's so true, because once that happens, the excitement and passion in a relationship starts to drift away. At least that's been my experience, and I love that this book reminded me of that simple concept.

Also, I really like the way in which the book is written: with simplicity & efficient reasoning. Plus, they provide plenty of inspiration to strengthen various aspects of connections & intimacy within your marriage, with lots of specific examples and realistic suggestions. I would definitely recommend this book to couples who are struggling with their marriage, and who are willing to put in the effort to resolve the possible problems they may discover.

[Wafa Ouazeta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Contents :
Introduction
Ch01 : Emotional Intimacy Friendship : p07
- how to communicate and Express your feeling with your Spouse: p11
- Four Amazing tools that worked for up (and could work for you too!): p14
- Benefits of communicating and Expressing your feelings with our spouse: p19
- Friendship: p28
- ways to build an intimate friendship with your spouse: p32
- questions to ask yourself and your spouse:p37
- get to know your spouse and yourself: p38
Ch02: Intellectual Intimacy:p39
- thought- provoking conversation starters:p 40
- ways to connect intellectually with you spouse: p50
- questions to ask yourself and your spouse:p54
Ch06: Physical and sexual Intimacy: p103
- other ways to connect physically without having sex: p110
- sexual intimacy:p113
- lets talk sex: p114
- whys to connect sexually:p 124
- questions to ask yourself and your spouse:p 128
- get to know your spouse and yourself:p 130
Ch07: Fear of Intimacy: p133
- causes of fear of intimacy and how it affects your marriage:p 135
- how to identily fear of intimacy p: 137
- how to help if your spouse is afrad of intimacy:p 142
- essential pillars for building a safe environment:p 144
- other road books to intimacy: p148
Ch08: keeping intimacy alive:p 153
- things we do every day to strengthen intimacy:p 159
- questions to ask yourself and your spouse: p 160
- the 30 days and 12 months intimacy challenge for couples: p 161
- day intimacy challenge :p 162
- month intimacy challenge : p 168
- tank you :p 171
- reference :p 177
Marriage in the beginning to be honest, we mere terrified about waking up one day to see ourselves living like strangers.
- once we admitted that something was missing in our marriage, we decide to recreate that intimate connection why?
- because we did want a monotonous marriage that laked intimacy, excitement and fulfillment.
- but after unresolved intimacy issues can lead to feeling distant lonely, rejected, unappreciated boredon, frustration and could result in divorce.
- we have all heard about married couple that have filed for divorce because they have grown apart, feel like ronommates, or don’t share any interests anymore.
- you can have the happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage you both dreamed about when you said “ I do”.
- we suggest you start with a marriage check-up find out the state of intimacy in the different areas of your marriage ask each other, “ On a scale of one to ten”, ten being the best, how strong of a connection do you feel in this area of our marriage? find out how connected you both fell in these key areas: emotionally, spiritually relationally as a parent or spouse financially, socially, sexually and physically.
- to keep your intimacy , create a special distraction-free time in your calendars to spend together.
- spending time connecting every day in the most essential thing that has made a huge difference. Transformed and strengthened intimacy in our marriage.
Ch01: Emotional intimacy and friendship: pp 1-5
- Helen keller “ the best and most beautiful things in the word cannot be seen or even touched. they must be felt with heart”.
- Emotionaly intimacy is an amazing part of marriage. Honestly, it is one of the best ways to keep that fire burning in your relationships.
- An intimate connection cannot happen every time you speak to each other because deep conversations take time.
- connection with another person is somethings humans crave.
- Cacioppo said: “ One of the major functions of the human brain is to enable skilled social interactions and permit stable and satisfying social relationships.
22 Simple ways to connect with your spouse every day by Marcus and Ashley:
1. Kiss, hug, or snuggle your spouse.
2. Exercise together, go for a run, a jog, visit the gym, etc.
3. Take a walk together, and try holding each other’s hands while walking.
4. Dance to your favorite music.
5. Read a book together.
It could be the book of your faith, a marriage book, a self-development book, fiction, etc.
6. Pray or meditate together.
7. Have a deeper conversation.
Verbally talk about the high points of your day, what you’ve been learning, what’s been challenging, or any of the interesting things you just want to discuss! Oh, and listen attentively while your spouse is talking.
Use these questions for couples to spark deeper conversations.
Remember, you are connecting with your spouse, your full attention is required.
8. Cook a meal and eat together as a family.
This could easily be dinner, lunch, or breakfast.
9. Tell your spouse how much you love them and appreciate them.
Be grateful for their lives and thank them for choosing to spend their life with you every day.
10. Watch TV shows and movies together.
For us, it is Shark Tank.
11. Shower or bath together.
12. Have sex.
And take your time. Explore, savor, and worship as you experiment. Set the mood with candles and music and toys.
13. Do chores and errands together.
For example, grocery shopping, washing dishes, cleaning the house, etc.
14. Give your spouse a sincere compliment.
15. Schedule a date night.
16. Eye to eye connection.
This can be done with tantric breathing, sitting by them with conversation or playing a game.
17. Share a laugh or joke, make them smile, and dream together.
18. Flirt with each other.
19. Text a love/romantic/encouraging message to your spouse.
20. Surprise them with something little.
It can be a note, flowers, a small gift, doing their chore for them, making their favorite dessert, buy them a book or their favorite latte. The possibilities are endless!
21. Play fun games together.
22. Say “I love you” every day to your spouse.
And mean it!
That’s 22 simple things you can do to connect with your spouse every day. They are so simple you can do one today, like the last one.
How to reconnect with your spouse emotionally
1. Cheer each other on.
Share your successes together, as well as the struggles. This goes along with sharing your personal goals as well, but even more in your everyday life.
Be each other’s cheerleader. You are there to help keep your spouse accountable and to celebrate their successes together.
Whether this means you are on the sidelines while your spouse is playing their favorite sport, or sitting with them while they sell their wares at a farmer’s market.
Be there for each other and have your spouse’s back.
2. Observe and appreciate the good qualities of your spouse when it comes to them as a person, a spouse, and as a parent.
Thinking about all the good things your spouse does, how blessed you are to have them in your life and that they choose you every single day.
This is an important exercise to do when you are feeling negative about your spouse, or you just don’t care whether they are around or not.
3. Write your spouse a love letter.
Receiving a piece of paper that your spouse took the time to write, or type, all their feelings and everything they appreciate you and your efforts can mean a lot.
A love letter can be especially handy for the spouse that has trouble articulating exactly how they feel verbally. Surprise your spouse with this gift of transparency.
If you are not sure where to start, we wrote an article just for you.
Click here to learn how to write a love letter to your spouse.
4. Volunteer together.
Giving back while spending time together is a great bonding experience. Make some meals and hand them out to the homeless, or volunteer at a shelter.
You both have the opportunity of doing something selfless while growing your friendship and connecting.
5. Start a weekly gratitude journaling together.
Each week, use this 52-week gratitude journal for couples to write what you are thankful or appreciate about your spouse.
Then spend time reading what you wrote for each other at the end of that week.
6. Accomplish a bucket list goal together.
Find one or two bucket list adventures you both want to accomplish. Then do everything you can to accomplish it within the next 12 months.....etc.

[Vince Duncan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

Learned quite a few things. Saw myself in several of the situations that they were describing. The exercises look to be intersting.

[Lara · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had some great, general tips on how to improve the intimacy in your marriage but I had a difficult time taking it seriously through all of the grammatical and editing errors. It definitely lacked the depth of the "why" it's difficult for some people to be vulnerable with their spouses-- just telling someone "be more vulnerable and open with your spouse" is pretty unhelpful unless you're including a teaching moment of "why do you find it difficult to be open or be aware of your emotions?" I think this is a good starter book for someone looking to improve their sexual intimacy in a marriage but there are quite a few better-written books out there that I highly recommend if you're wanting a more in-depth look.

[Otis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written book

This is really good book with practical exercises to enrich your marriage. Very good informational read. I enjoyed the reinforcement summary/exercise at the end of each chapter. I enjoyed and would say it had some wonderful hidden treasures to make your marriage relationship better in many ways.

[Sal Ski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was helpful, and yo should read if your having difficulties communicating, or connecting with your spouse, or lover. It helps you understand the others perspective, and approach them differently.

[Carla Rupprecht · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good things, but also needs to be taken in context.