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Visa Wives
Women who emigrate to the US on dependent visas , to join their husbands working on H1B visas, often do not know what to expect. They uproot themselves from their homes and families and arrive in an alien land to begin life anew, clueless as to what this might entail. Strained marriages and lives thrown out of gear are only some of the complications that ensue. This book gives voice to some such visa wives and their experiences, while offering practical advice on settling in, working, networking, assimilating and making friends, to those contemplating a move to the US.
332 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2016
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March 26, 2017
The USA is a dream destination for the upwardly mobile middle-class in India. The explosive growth of the IT industry in the 1990s had paved the way for many tens of thousands of people to live their dream. Most of the workers who emigrated to the U.S. were men, but their wives soon followed them. It all began in 1886, when Anandibai Gopalrao Joshi, India’s first woman physician, graduated from Pennsylvania. America in those times didn’t exactly welcome them with open arms. When only the fourth Indian woman in history had arrived in 1910, local newspapers screamed out with leaders like ‘Hindu women: Next swarm to California’. However, things have changed much for the better, offering a good package to Indians and other foreigners to study or work there, and eventually to naturalize as full citizens. This book is all about the experiences of Indian women who had emigrated to the U.S., and written by Radhika M B, who is a seasoned journalist who has worked with Tehelka, New Indian Express and the Deccan Chronicle. She is the consulting editor for the Thumb Print e-magazine and is currently settled in the U.S.
The astronomical cost of healthcare and education in the U.S. is a recurring theme in the book. The extravagant figures mentioned in it are bloodcurdling even when expressed in rupees and more so when they are denominated in dollars. The cultural chasm that divides the two countries yawns wide in the attitude of doctors as well. When an Indian suffers from a terminal illness in his home country, chances are that he may not be informed of the disease that ails him. In an effort to save the person from trauma, doctors in India usually disclose the nature of the problem and prognosis only to very few closest relatives of the patient. This can work effectively only if everyone has a reasonable hope to be cared for by the family. The collective spirit shines through families in India. Everybody belongs to the family they were born into, with the privileges and duties that come bundled with it. American medical practitioners share confidential information about a person’s health with that person alone. The individuality of the patient is greatly respected there, as in every aspect of American civil society. Both systems have its advantages and shortcomings. The book remarks that American doctors are rather blunt in disclosing the characteristics of the problem one faces, rather than hiding it in sugar-coated responses we usually elicit in India. USA is a place where you can’t venture outside without a solid medical insurance cover to back you up in the case of an emergency.
Another notable feature of American life that Indians tend to misuse – regrettably – is the option to return a purchased product claiming it to be unsatisfactory and demanding refund. Radhika puts in a note of caution to the newcomers not to abuse the system as it may create an impression on the natives that these new immigrants don’t honour the customs of their adopted country. And, can you imagine such a system working in India? The avarice of Indians when the prospect of getting something for free, is legendary. People are reluctant to form a queue to buy or avail something, and if at all they stand in line, you have to be on the constant lookout for someone trying to jump the line. What must be the reason for such selfish, antisocial urges inside each one of us Indians? One rationale I can think of is poverty in our genes. The Indian society was weaned away from perennial penury for hardly two generations. This is not by forgetting the plight of millions, who still languish in poverty. But, the majority has moved away from hunger for only two generations. Fathers of most my generation might have known it in their childhood and most of us must have come very close to knowing it. You can hardly expect the highest civic ethics from people like these. Their children grow by the examples set by their own parents in disorderly behaviour and courtesy to others. If the relative prosperity we see in the country continues to flourish for two more generations, there is a high chance that we Indians would also learn to keep good manners in public.
The number of issues covered in the book is really amazing. The author conveys every detail of obtaining a visa, even to the extent of how to write the name taking into account the different naming conventions followed in India. Handy tips on how to perform in the visa interview, what to expect in transcontinental flights and transit airports, and what to expect at the immigration counter of a U.S. city. This is only a prelude to how to lead life in the new country, right down to shopping for groceries, finding an apartment, medical aid, and prospects for higher education and – let’s not miss it in a feminist book – domestic violence and harassment from in-laws. Most of the women who accompany their working husbands having H1B visas opt for the H4 visa, which does not permit its holder to work in the U.S. This creates problems for the women. Most of them might be having a good education and might even have been leading successful professional careers back home right till marriage. But in America, they are jobless and forced to be a dependant wife, which is ascribed to be a major source of trouble between the couple. The dependant loneliness is said to be ‘eating into her confidence’.
The book is easy to read and a page-turner. Considering the whole gamut of issues covered in it, the volume may be thought of as an essential handbook to all those women who have recently started living in America or plan to be there in a short while. The author has treated each topic with sensibility and a sense of proportion, but her handling of the behavioural concerns related to in-laws and their preoccupation with dowry seems to be a bit far-fetched and included just to please those who want to see such matters raised in a book on the social mores of India, since they are habituated to find such topics frequently mentioned in that context.
The book is highly recommended.
The astronomical cost of healthcare and education in the U.S. is a recurring theme in the book. The extravagant figures mentioned in it are bloodcurdling even when expressed in rupees and more so when they are denominated in dollars. The cultural chasm that divides the two countries yawns wide in the attitude of doctors as well. When an Indian suffers from a terminal illness in his home country, chances are that he may not be informed of the disease that ails him. In an effort to save the person from trauma, doctors in India usually disclose the nature of the problem and prognosis only to very few closest relatives of the patient. This can work effectively only if everyone has a reasonable hope to be cared for by the family. The collective spirit shines through families in India. Everybody belongs to the family they were born into, with the privileges and duties that come bundled with it. American medical practitioners share confidential information about a person’s health with that person alone. The individuality of the patient is greatly respected there, as in every aspect of American civil society. Both systems have its advantages and shortcomings. The book remarks that American doctors are rather blunt in disclosing the characteristics of the problem one faces, rather than hiding it in sugar-coated responses we usually elicit in India. USA is a place where you can’t venture outside without a solid medical insurance cover to back you up in the case of an emergency.
Another notable feature of American life that Indians tend to misuse – regrettably – is the option to return a purchased product claiming it to be unsatisfactory and demanding refund. Radhika puts in a note of caution to the newcomers not to abuse the system as it may create an impression on the natives that these new immigrants don’t honour the customs of their adopted country. And, can you imagine such a system working in India? The avarice of Indians when the prospect of getting something for free, is legendary. People are reluctant to form a queue to buy or avail something, and if at all they stand in line, you have to be on the constant lookout for someone trying to jump the line. What must be the reason for such selfish, antisocial urges inside each one of us Indians? One rationale I can think of is poverty in our genes. The Indian society was weaned away from perennial penury for hardly two generations. This is not by forgetting the plight of millions, who still languish in poverty. But, the majority has moved away from hunger for only two generations. Fathers of most my generation might have known it in their childhood and most of us must have come very close to knowing it. You can hardly expect the highest civic ethics from people like these. Their children grow by the examples set by their own parents in disorderly behaviour and courtesy to others. If the relative prosperity we see in the country continues to flourish for two more generations, there is a high chance that we Indians would also learn to keep good manners in public.
The number of issues covered in the book is really amazing. The author conveys every detail of obtaining a visa, even to the extent of how to write the name taking into account the different naming conventions followed in India. Handy tips on how to perform in the visa interview, what to expect in transcontinental flights and transit airports, and what to expect at the immigration counter of a U.S. city. This is only a prelude to how to lead life in the new country, right down to shopping for groceries, finding an apartment, medical aid, and prospects for higher education and – let’s not miss it in a feminist book – domestic violence and harassment from in-laws. Most of the women who accompany their working husbands having H1B visas opt for the H4 visa, which does not permit its holder to work in the U.S. This creates problems for the women. Most of them might be having a good education and might even have been leading successful professional careers back home right till marriage. But in America, they are jobless and forced to be a dependant wife, which is ascribed to be a major source of trouble between the couple. The dependant loneliness is said to be ‘eating into her confidence’.
The book is easy to read and a page-turner. Considering the whole gamut of issues covered in it, the volume may be thought of as an essential handbook to all those women who have recently started living in America or plan to be there in a short while. The author has treated each topic with sensibility and a sense of proportion, but her handling of the behavioural concerns related to in-laws and their preoccupation with dowry seems to be a bit far-fetched and included just to please those who want to see such matters raised in a book on the social mores of India, since they are habituated to find such topics frequently mentioned in that context.
The book is highly recommended.
March 25, 2018
When I saw this book, more importantly its cover, at Odyssey Chennai I was naturally inclined to pick it up! It was the first time, I saw a book written for/about Indian women moving to the US on dependent visas (which practically have no legal, labor rights whatsoever) to join their husbands and I am one of them too, so I was obviously intrigued!
.
.
This book talks about everything from what to expect in your visa interview back home at the embassy, to how to talk to your neighbors in the US, to what to do in unfortunate cases where you are abused by your husband/in-laws, to raising kids here as a dependant mother: basically pretty much everything one can possibly expect to face as an issue, as a legally dependant wife in a faraway land! The best and worst thing, about this book for me, is how the author has added tens of hundreds of stories of young women who went through these themselves, when they moved here for the first time! Often considered touchy topics, accessing these stories itself would make it worthy to read the book! .
.
However, I had a problem with few things too; firstly, the prolific sadness that engulfs while reading the book! I agree it's tough and not as rosy as one would normally think! While the homesickness, the financial dependence, managing a household, handling the socio-cultural differences etc. being so far away from the family and support system for the first time makes the initial years tough! But, it could have been written in a positive tone, as someone who went through it all and successfully overcame it!
.
.
It's this over-emotional portrayal that steals away the prime focus of the book, for its own good! The author referring to these women as visa wives throughout the book & too much of ‘holier than thou’ portrayal of NRIs in the US by Indians back home got a bit annoying after a point & made me wonder which era we live in! 😕
.
.
I would still recommend this to anyone, to get an idea about the life of a fair section of women from our country, who lose their true freedom in the land of the free and their constant battle against the uncertainties that surround them.
.
.
This book talks about everything from what to expect in your visa interview back home at the embassy, to how to talk to your neighbors in the US, to what to do in unfortunate cases where you are abused by your husband/in-laws, to raising kids here as a dependant mother: basically pretty much everything one can possibly expect to face as an issue, as a legally dependant wife in a faraway land! The best and worst thing, about this book for me, is how the author has added tens of hundreds of stories of young women who went through these themselves, when they moved here for the first time! Often considered touchy topics, accessing these stories itself would make it worthy to read the book! .
.
However, I had a problem with few things too; firstly, the prolific sadness that engulfs while reading the book! I agree it's tough and not as rosy as one would normally think! While the homesickness, the financial dependence, managing a household, handling the socio-cultural differences etc. being so far away from the family and support system for the first time makes the initial years tough! But, it could have been written in a positive tone, as someone who went through it all and successfully overcame it!
.
.
It's this over-emotional portrayal that steals away the prime focus of the book, for its own good! The author referring to these women as visa wives throughout the book & too much of ‘holier than thou’ portrayal of NRIs in the US by Indians back home got a bit annoying after a point & made me wonder which era we live in! 😕
.
.
I would still recommend this to anyone, to get an idea about the life of a fair section of women from our country, who lose their true freedom in the land of the free and their constant battle against the uncertainties that surround them.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews