Oh Joan.
The pure craziness in this book is ratcheted all the way to the highest level, but that's to be expected, especially considering who wrote it and that time in her life. Just by itself, it's a revealing, often hilarious, sometimes disturbing glimpse into the mind of Joan Crawford. It's a self-help/advice book, but it's more honest I think of a picture of self than most autobiographies.
Taken into context of Joan's life, especially events in the 70s, book has a touch of pathos, especially since she clings to the idea of still being a viable working actress throughout (book was written in 71--she never acted again; forced out by Pepsi in 74; the notorious photo of her and Rosalind Russell followed and from then on Joan, like so many other Hollywood stars--Dietrich being the ultimate example of this sad anchorite-like dedication to image--was not seen again until her painful death in 76).
During this time, Joan would begin work at 5am and continue with her correspondence till 11pm. She took breaks to clean her apartment and shower four times a day (the book notes that she gives herself 20 minutes though in the day to relax). Besides everything else she did--movies, Pepsi, charity, Joan wrote--an average of 70,000 letters a year--about 3 million letters in her lifetime (yet, they're always out of my price range on ebay. Sigh)--and this book, a monument to her OCD Insanity. Even working grueling 18 hour days into her sixties, I still don't see how she was able to do everything.
She reinforces the concept of multi-tasking though--when she's working on writing her fans (and side note, many of her letters to fans were not short--but ridiculously long involved answers to all their questions); she would be moisturizing her face and rolling a Pepsi bottle back and forth with her foot to strengthen her calves, thereby accomplishing three things at once.
Also, help is an important facet to this kind of life. (Makes me think of that quote--"Joan Crawford was not born. She was built.") She stresses that you need to get help for almost everything. Throwing a dinner party? Well you can't do that alone--you need to hire some college kids to serve drinks and empty ashtrays and plump pillows. Joan's three helpers get multiple mentions throughout the book--Betty Barker, her CA secretary, Florence Walsh, her NY right hand man, and Mamacita, her elderly German maid. She also had two guys come in twice a week to help with the "heavy cleaning."
Since, from what I gather about this book, EXTREME CLEANLINESS is the most important thing of all (she capitalizes and italicizes words to stress this often), Mamacita gets many shout-outs. Which is a little touching, because very few old movie stars devoted much page time to their underlings (Roz Russell and Bette Davis perhaps being the others). She even recounts how they first met--Joan was desperate for a maid and was told of someone who might be available, with the exception that this maid wouldn't use a mop.
"Handsies, kneesies?" I asked.
"Yep," she replied.
"Bring her over tomorrow morning! That's just my cup of tea. I never did think you could get into corners with any mop."
The photos in this book were of also immense fascination to me. I have twenty or so Joan Crawford books, some of which are just books on photographs of her, and almost all I had never seen before. Probably because they're deranged and serve no purpose. Joan's clothes laid out on the bed to be hung up; Mamacita stuffing tissue paper into sleeves of her shirts (because if you don't put tissue paper into the sleeves when you hang them up, you might get wrinkles--and yes, the proper use of hangers is brought up almost every chapter); page after page of Joan with a "Aren't I just awesome?" smile on her face.
My favorite photo though is one of Mamacita, kneeling like she's about to propose, holding aloft for Joan's inspection what appears to be a shoe.
While I will probably not follow a single tip in this book (I'm one of the lazy people that Joan rails throughout), I still love her for the nutjob that she was. What this book doesn't capture maybe is her sense of humor and caring for others. My favorite Joan book is "Conversations with Crawford." The author was one of the young guys who Joan randomly found and forced to help her do errands or clean during the late sixties/early seventies. In his book, while she is a working demon, she was also a sweet, eccentric and funny lady. If you liked this one, I strongly advise reading Conversations to get the other perspective.