Femme in Public

by Alok Vaid-Menon

What feminine part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world? At what point does femininity become synonymous with apology? Who hurt the people who hurt you? Let's figure it out.

Femme In Public (2017) is a collection of poetry by nonbinary artist Alok Vaid-Menon. In the author's words it "is a dream of what it could look like to celebrate transfemininity in public – both in ourselves and for the people who desire us (by which I mean: everyone, across time, always)."

Genres: Poetry, Queer, LGBT, Gender, Nonfiction, Feminism, Transgender

35 pages, ebook

First published March 13, 2017

About the author

Alok is a writer and performance artist. They are the author of Femme in Public (2017), Beyond the Gender Binary (2020), and Your Wound / My Garden (2021). Learn more at www.alokvmenon.com

Reviews

[iltatee · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I DO NOT BELIEVE WE WILL WIN. I DO NOT BELIEVE HOPE SHOULD BE A PREREQUISITE FOR TRYING ANYWAYS."

[Oren · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short, easy to read book of deep but short pieces. I cried, I laughed, and I learned to think different about the words and names we use to talk about clothes and people. It makes me wonder how we can be free when we are always in spaces full of rules.

[Angelique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mandatory reading for everyone. I was so completely moved and inspired and so glad Alok shared this. I made audible noises because they describe the pain that I feel so completely and wholly. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

[Caroline Fosse · Rating 5 out of 5]

«THEY WILL SAY

they will say that femininity is not powerful

they will say that we are vain, selfish, and foolish.
they will say that we need to focus on the real issues.
(they will say nothing when we are attacked). they
will say that we do not exist (until they need someone
to blame). they will say that we are imposters, frauds,
predators, mistakes, mostly, they will say that we
are ugly. they will say that we should shave, try harder,
disappear, sometimes they will not say, so they will spit,
point, grope, laugh instead.

they will say that we should die, they will say that death is
not enough so they will make us suffer. they will say
that suffering is not enough so they will say we made it
up. they will say the wrong names and pronouns when
we are gone. they will say it is our fault. they will erase
us from history, family, legacy. (they will try to erase us
from their fantasies, they will fail).

they will bash us in public.
they will want to be us in private.

they will say that femininity is not powerful.

but i have stopped traffic simply by going outside.
i have suspended time. i have made everyone watch. i
have shed every category, word, and lie. i have etched
myself so deep inside, they will never forget me.

i have found a way to live forever.

they will say femininity is not powerful.

so i will put on my dress.
so i will go outside.
so i will prove them wrong.»

This is honestly one of the best poetry books I've read, no doubt in my mind.

[Maia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a slim but exceptional volume. I've been a fan and follower of Alok Vaid-Menon's online presence for a long time; it's absolutely delightful to dig deeper into their poetry. It's hard to pick a favorite piece because all of the poems are so strong, and also come from the same emotional place. One line that has kept ringing in my head, even two weeks after reading it, is this: "it is hard to have your abundance mistaken as absence" (pg 7).

[Ms. Arca]

Someone get me this book ASAP !

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book when I was lucky enough to see them preform in Berkeley last month and I saved it for a day when I would really need it.
Like Maya Angelou and Audre Lorde before them, their words reached right down into my soul!
I love every poem in this collection!!!!
"THEY WILL SAY" is probably my favorite favorite in this collection!!

I really really love my brain right now for holding on to the night I actually got to see them preform so when I read the poems they spoke that night I could still hear their voice and be taken back to that perfect oh so queer night!

Thank you Alok!!

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

the most beautiful and sad little book of poems i just read on the train from berlin. each has made ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUAUAAAAUAAAA! absolute favourite (would love to print out the whole book and put it as my wallpaper). so sad. so good.

"Promise me you understand that I wasn’t just assigned
male at birth, I’m assigned male every day walking on
the street. Promise me you understand that as a form of
gender violence."

all of street tax. made me tear up & cry from the first one

[Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alok writes thought-provoking pieces on inhabiting a world that is hostile toward femininity, especially for trans femmes of color. They explore the harassment and abuse they receive day-to-day, in one of the most intimately vulnerable collections I've read in a long time.

[Chelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took this read slow, I wanted the poetry to wash over me.
5/5 stars, LOVED this read. 1million thank yous to the friend who loaned me their copy😍

I felt that I learned immensely in this poetry, AND saw myself/my experiences reflected back to me in this work. Cant get enough, can’t wait to read more of their art!

[Cretaceo · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I cried because I remembered how so many of us had to destroy our queer child and never got a ceremony for it. Never got a chance to declare in public, “I AM HURT,” because they kept harassing us: “THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO GROW UP.” “THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BECOME A MAN.”
How so many of us will spend our entire lives grieving not only the loss of our childhood, but the loss of what we could have been." - Alok

[Adri · Rating 5 out of 5]

CWs: some sexual references; allusions to harassment, homophobia and transphobia; brief mention of assault and injury relating to assault.

[Reij Rosello · Rating 5 out of 5]

Apparently, it is possibly to imagine beyond identity politics:

"what is a man but a question mark so lonely it wrapped
around itself so many times it began to resemble a body?"

For those of us who long for prayers:

"Promise me you understand that I wasn’t just assigned
male at birth, I’m assigned male every day walking on
the street. Promise me you understand that as a form of
gender violence."

The gentle art of poetic self-defense

"today a man on the street pointed to me & said
'what the hell is that!?'
i wanted to turn around,

tell him that i got this dress on sale
& i got this body for free
but you have been making me pay for both
ever since."

[Ags · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the ideas in this (e.g., femininity as powerful, reality that one can be feminine and have masculine traits at the same time, loving a family member who survived gender-based violence and who has hurtful anti-trans views, diaspora/immigration and US oppression), and multiple lines really hit.

I didn't love that many poems had the same repetative structure, and the ordering of the poems wasn't particularly effective for me.

I listened on audio: the production did a disservice to the work, e.g., with unnecessary/random sound effects and elevator-type music.

Also, though, this is super short, so I still think this was well worth the listen for the ideas!

[Jabberwocky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't have words for the way this book made me feel. It made me smile and it made me cry. It tapped into my loneliness and by doing so, made me feel less alone.

Thank you Alok for sharing your vulnerabilities and asking us to look into our own. Your honesty and authenticity give me courage and remind me how beautiful people can be. :)

[Martin Sirois · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I cried because I remembered my shame. I remembered
how it tore me to pieces. I remember how they stole
those pieces and squished them together and called it a
“man,” like a puzzle you can’t quite figure out so you just
settle with its jagged edges. Pretend it fits." <3

[Ishan Daya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ugh. This compilation is beautiful and sooooo much love to Sasha for getting it for meee <3. The line that I continue to come back to is: “it is hard to have your abundance mistaken as absence”. V excited to come back to it over and over again.

[Content · Rating 3 out of 5]

A contemplative read. Reminded me that our bodies are one of the most, at times even the most important, site for self-determination. I appreciate that take-away feeling greatly and thank Alok greatly for it.

[Ari · Rating 5 out of 5]

How intimate, touching, and vulnerable.

[Nic · Rating 5 out of 5]

“This is America, where pain is a ritual we are required to conduct in private. An elaborate symphony on mute.”

[Zahra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read every line twice and cried. Then, I read every line again so I could feel it even more and cry even more. I feel truly humbled to bear witness to your healing and your hurt and its cyclicality, your inner conversations, your moments with the world that hold the entire world in those moments.

The timeless entanglement of love and pain in this short and powerful poetry book makes me reflect on my own femininity and on all the ways I have inflicted hurt (upon myself and the people I love, including strangers), personally and systemically. Alok, thank you for sharing with us, with me. You make me want to love more radically, something I have been trying to remember how to do for some time now.

Overall: 5 stars. Must-read. Now one of my favorites. Alok is a genius, radiant lover.

[T’Layne Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favourite book so far this year. 💗💗💗💗

[KappaBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was one of those questions that felt more like a declaration, like, "I AM HURT."

"I had one of those answers that felt more like an apology, like, "I AM SORRY."

An astonishingly story but powerful poetry collection. This is the closest to tears I've been in a while after reading something.

Please buy this collection or if nothing else, look up Alok's performances online.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

"where the only way to heal is to hurt" "New Years Revolution"(s) A compelling collection of poems about loss, grief and radical self-love.

[Ilana (illi69)]

I will not read anything by a man who describes little girls as “kinky”. Just. No.

Anyone wants to comment about my non review, this book is marked as no-thanks and doesn’t count towards my reading totals and is left without a rating. If you’re dying to defend a paedophile perhaps you need to be quiet and spend a bit of time reflecting on your priorities in life.

Bonus: What a surprise! The father of Queer Theory is a paedo!

https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/...?

[J. (Better Off Read) · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best poetry collections I've read -- ever. This slim book carries some huge weight. Alok's writing is unflinching in it's honesty, both intimate and immediate. Beautifully crafted and visceral. To say I loved it is an understatement. I know I'll read it again soon.

[Juliette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved "your wound / my garden" . So it took me a long time to read "Femme in Public" because i wasn't sure i'd like this one as much. But, i should trust more the artist i saw twice on stage and who amazed me both times. Once again, their poems aimed at my heart !

[Ee · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best things I've read! Direct, honest and beautiful.

[JJ Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alok is a gift. There is an eloquence, vulnerability, honesty, and grasp over language that is honestly unparalleled in any other poet or artist I’ve seen.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing.