To Heal a Wounded Heart: The Transformative Power of Buddhism and Psychotherapy in Action

by Pilar Jennings

Interweaving both Buddhist and psychoanalytic wisdom, this book uses the unlikely relationship between a psychoanalyst, her child patient, and a Tibetan Buddhist Lama to explore healing and resilience in the face of pain and injustice in childhood.

The book centers around the story of three unlikely friends who formed a family: a silent six-year-old African-American girl born to an HIV-positive mother, a Tibetan Buddhist lama who as a six-year-old escaped the Chinese invasion of Tibet, and a Peruvian-Scottish psychoanalyst whose colorful family-of-origin fell apart in a weirdly handled divorce. Through a strange sequence of events, the three came to know each other in a psychoanalytic program that brings therapy to the inner city. A central theme is the invisible forms of pain and injustice suffered in childhood. But this is only half the story, since the inspiring reality is that children push for wellness. And they don’t give up easily. Regardless of the magnitude of trauma endured, children keep trying to get things right. They don’t like feeling unknown, to themselves or others. Through this story, the ways in which Buddhism and psychoanalysis address this human struggle to recognize one’s own suffering in the face of another, and our common push for wellness, are revealed through the growing relationship between these three unlikely friends.

Genres: Psychology, Buddhism, Spirituality, Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

First published December 12, 2017

Reviews

[David Johns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring Book

I loved the blending of eastern spirituality with western psychoanalysis and describing how that worked on one patient. I really was left wondering how Martine is doing now.

[Chen-Eddy Wang · Rating 4 out of 5]

“To Heal A Wounded Heart” by Pilar Jennings is a thoughtful account of a therapist’s experience with a young patient and her friendship with a Buddhist monk. These threads of her life are interwoven with childhood memories and of her relationship, current and past, with her parents and brother. What stands out is the thoughtfulness of the author when treating her patient and her affection for her friend the Buddhist monk. Her writing incorporates Buddhist principles such as “emptiness”, the fact that our self and personality is dynamic and ever-changing, not static, and also the seeking of vulnerability, to be open to the suffering of the world and not let past pain be a barrier from opening up to this and knowing and loving others.

The author and her patient have stark differences in their race and socioeconomic backgrounds; even so, they share experiences of having detached (dysfunctional) parents who weren’t available for them when they needed it most. The patient is selectively mute and has a hard time fitting in to school and mainstream society. Therapy is a place where she is able to open up and have pleasurable experiences with her therapist. The book recounts various sessions and experiences where the patient expresses herself, culminating in a shocking moment when she refuses to clean up and breaks a pencil right in front of her therapist. This prompts the therapist to seek counsel and to talk to the patient and her grandmother in a subsequent session and interpret the patient’s action of breaking the pencil. The interpretation is the therapist’s view of why the patient did what she did - because she is afraid of the messes in her life (absent parents, frail grandmother, not fitting in to society, mutism) and that they seem too big for her to clean up. By speaking the interpretation, this allows the patient to see another perspective of her actions and prompts self-reflection. This seemed like the climax in the book, but it is unclear if it led to a major breakthrough as the patient moved away shortly after this incident.

The book is also about the author’s journey towards incorporating more of her faith (Buddhism) into her work. One example of this is she invited her friend Lama Pema to a few sessions with her patient, which seemed to break the ice for her patient and her and allowed for some fun experiences for the three of them.

In the end, with her patient moving away and her dad passing away tragically, this book is about loss and severed attachment, and also about how we make meaning each day and continue to make meaning. We must use the tools we have to open up to the experiences of life in good faith. I commend the author for continuing to pour into patients even if their situations appear bleak.

[Rena Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't often give a book 5 stars but this book really moved me. The author has a most unusual relationship with her Buddhist lama and their conversations alone were worth the read for me. Both instructive and hilarious, I loved their connection and care of each other. But ultimately, this is a book about a little girl and too much loss. She goes into a type of selective muteism that her young therapist skillfully cuts through - with the aid of her wily lama. It was heartening to read of a psychotherapist (who certainly had her own struggles), creatively able to reach out the way she did. Much to love about this well-written book and for once, I actually emailed the author to thank her.

[Gabrielle Jarrett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pilar Jennings writes from her heart as well as her head, and they are pretty balanced. She writes of three simultaneous experiences. Her own personal story is honestly portrayed. Her work as a child therapist with six year old Martine is poignant and honest. Her personal growth in the Buddhist tradition with her quirky teacher unites all three endeavors. I finished with my heart opened on many levels. Isn't that what reading is all about? Her unification of psychoanalytic theory (usually Jungian) and approach to Buddhism is a perfect gift. The book is truly a union of the opposites, ending with sadness and happiness. It's just like life - accepting both.

[Wiley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book. I have had the pleasure of attending meditation and discussion sessions with Dr. Jennings at All Souls NYC and Shantideva Center. I was deeply moved by her account of her patient Martine, as well as shedding light on her own family and internal struggles to connect and belong. And I loved reading about Dr. Jennings's teacher Lama Pema, and seeing how Buddhism informed her clinical practice. Highly recommended.

[Malin Fylking · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jag blev helt fast i den här boken. Den är både rolig och djup, med en berättelse som verkligen griper tag och väcker känslor. Karaktärerna känns levande och äkta, och balansen mellan humor och allvar gör att det är svårt att sluta läsa. En sådan bok som stannar kvar länge efter att man slagit ihop sista sidan.