You Can't Spell America Without Me

by Alec Baldwin

You Can't Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year as President Donald J. Trump.
A So-Called Parody by Alec Baldwin and Kurt Andersen.

I have the best words, beautiful words, as everybody has been talking and talking about for a long time. Also? The best sentences and, what do you call them, paragraphs. My previous books were great and sold extremely, unbelievably well--even the ones by dishonest, disgusting so-called journalists. But those writers didn't understand Trump, because quite frankly they were major losers. People say if you want it done right you have to do it yourself, even when 'it' is a 'memoir.' So every word of this book was written by me, using a special advanced word processing system during the many, many nights I've been forced to stay alone in the White House--only me, just me, trust me, nobody helped. And it's all 100% true, so true--people are already saying it may be the truest book ever published.

Until Donald Trump publishes his account of his entire four or eight or one-and-a-half years in the White House, the definitive chronicle will be You Can't Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year As President.

He was elected because he was the most frank presidential candidate in history, a man always eager to tell the unvarnished truth about others' flaws as well as his own excellence. Now that refreshingly compulsive un-PC candor is applied to his time as leader of the free world. The mind-boggling private encounters with world leaders. The genius backroom strategy sessions with White House advisers. His triumphs over the dishonest news media. The historic, world-changing decisions--many of them secret until now. What he really thinks of Melania and Ivanka and Jared, Donald Jr. and Eric and the other one. And many spectacular, historic, exclusive photographs of him in private and public, making America great again.

Genres: Humor, Politics, Fiction, Comedy, Audiobook, Satire, Adult

256 pages, Hardcover

First published November 7, 2017

About the author

Alexander Rae "Alec" Baldwin III is an Emmy- and Academy Award-nominated, and Golden Globe Award-winning, American actor. He is the eldest and most famous of the Baldwin brothers, and has starred in many movies and TV shows. He is also noted for having hosted Saturday Night Live multiple times. He is currently playing television executive Jack Donaghy in the NBC situation-comedy 30 Rock.

He married Hilaria Baldwin in 2012.

Reviews

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/



To say my expectations may have been set a bit too high when it comes to this release might be the understatement of 2017. Little did I know that by the time I was able to get my hands on a copy, what had been so hilarious to watch on SNL throughout the campaign and during the early days of the administration . . . . .



Would start to lose its charm when the world was faced with tragedy and we learned that we elected someone who could not even pass a civics test . . . .



Who definitely did not have “the best words” when it came to the #metoo movement . . . .



And who believes there are “good people” who belong to the KKK/neo-Nazi organizations, but twists everything a day or two later to fit whatever rhetoric the knuckle-dragging 30% who still approve of him want to hear . . . .



Last week the Fake News posted a quote from Senator Lindsay Graham that there’s a 70% chance The Donald would wage war on North Korea if there’s another nuclear missile test or 30% unprovoked. It’s kind of hard to laugh at this point . . . .



The least they could have done was try to keep some of the gems they hired for that drained swamp around for laughs . . . .



Instead of replacing them with less funny humanoids in the revolving door which is this presidency.

Maybe if someone had taken Trump’s phone away from him, I would still be able to think of this book as a parody. Sadly, that isn’t the case. Even sadder is that I turned in the paper version thinking the audio would be the way to go, only to discover Alec Baldwin reads about a third of the thing. Your mileage obviously may vary, but Trump has so out-Trumped himself at this point that there’s a good chance (if he knew how to write in more than 180 characters) he could have penned this himself.

At this point all I can say with regard to Trump family parodies that bring the funny is: THANK GOD FOR ERIC!

[Leah Craig · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish that I loved this, because there’s not much more I enjoy than a good chuckle at the expense of 45. But, sadly, it fell flat. I expected a smart, witty parody, and at parts, I got that, but overall, instead of the satire I desired, I got a book that very literally felt like it was written by Donald Trump if he was allowed to write and publish something with no editing or filtering. And after a while it just got depressing.

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have a hard time listening to DJT at the best of times, and listening to him at all now is a drain, nearly a year into the most bizarre presidency ever. Therefore I almost didn’t bother with Alex Baldwin’s parody which would have been a pity. I later learned (via NYT Book Review editor Pamela Paul interviews Kurt Andersen) this book was written in collaboration with novelist Kurt Andersen, who knew Trump back in the day. Andersen and Baldwin manage to channel DJT to an extraordinary extent, using DJT's actual words, sentence constructions, and speech idiosyncrasies for reconstructions and deep dives into his psyche.

This is deeply funny and unsettling stuff. Racist, sexist, religionist attitudes leach into his writing ("talking is the new writing"), surely not intentionally—he seems so completely ignorant of it. He makes juvenile jokes about Japanese names and the extent of Japanese disquiet over the cancellation of T.P.P., and expresses a kind of shocked surprise at how much the African American security people earn to protect him, especially after that discrimination suit they won…He blissfully mispronounces Philippine proverbs throughout the work, rendering them in his version of Tagalog, and mangling the translations.

Actual DJT tweets and quotes run into plausible extensions which elaborate his thinking gut feelings. Constantly finding ways to plug his golf courses and properties, branded steaks, wine, and ties, Trump finds his new job is awash in business opportunities: one could use military jets, perhaps, to bring same-day Nebraska grass-fed beef direct to the tables of his hotels. Andersen and Baldwin pick out current themes in American masculinity, politics, art, and critical thought and introduce the rogue element that is DJT.

“The chapter you just read was written personally by me, Donald Trump…this entire book, the words and sentences and the larger sections…the paragraphs, the chapters, all mine…and it's the best...”

By the end of the book, DJT is willing to ship Melania back to Yugoslavia ("I didn’t realize she’d come in illegally…" and "she's 50 years old this year") and he poses himself in front of a camera waving at the departing plane carrying his third wife while, written into the script, a single tear falls silently in the closeup. Sad.

"The president has unlimited Presidential Pardon Power (PPP), which means I could even pardon myself…PPP…"

DJT seems only to love his now 11-year-old son, Barron. He’s "so smart,""he’s like an adult now." One of the riffs I enjoyed most was about Paul Ryan, who looks

"like a smiling vampire…always glances at himself in windows and mirrors…it’s kinda gay…that afternoon Paul Ryan definitely looked untrustworthy. When I have strong instincts, they always mean something."

When you get to the part on North Korea, you will understand the depth of his delusions.

"I’ve never been to North Korea, I never took a course…but discussing it strongly for ten minutes, not with some CIA analyst or some State Department know-it-all, I now totally, completely, absolutely understand…that’s how CEO’s do it."

And his conflation of vote tallies:

"I won sixty percent of the electoral vote which is the same as Reagan and FDR…won of the popular vote."

Arghh.

These two men take the time to make us see the absurdity in DJT’s utterances…they go through all of it…right through his hiring family for jobs hardened professionals have trouble handling, to our foreign relations, the collusion, the shallowness of businessmen’s understanding of cultural relations, the voting…"It Finally Felt Real Like a Movie" is a chapter title, but it does tend to put the whole thing in perspective.

I suggest we take every opportunity to laugh while we can, all the while building up energy to take this clown down. Even if you think you are tired of all things Trump, these men have done a brilliant job of it, so have a listen, or a peruse. Laugh with friends at enemies. The audio is produced by Penguin Audio, and this book has a Whispersync option, a good choice for this title. Published by Penguin Random House.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

You Can't Spell America Without Me: The Really Tremendous Inside Story of My Fantastic First Year as President Donald J. Trump (A So-Called Parody) by Alec Baldwin, Kurt Andersen is a parody but sounds just like the real thing! It is witty, funny, and too real at times! I had to read it slowly, small bits at a time. Even a fake tRump I have to take in small doses!

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best in audio! Fantastic! Best ever! Sound familiar? AB does his great Trump. 10 of 10 stars

[Ron Charles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Can anyone really satirize the self-satirized antics of Donald Trump?

Comics have faced that challenge since Trump reassured the nation about the size of his genitals during the GOP presidential debate in March 2016. If parody requires exaggeration, what does Trump’s real-life performance leave to exaggerate?

Alec Baldwin and Kurt Andersen rise to that yuuuge challenge in their new book, “You Can’t Spell America Without Me.” They’re the perfect authors — “the best people, the smartest people” — for this lavish parody, billed as a memoir by President Trump about his “really tremendous” first year in the White House. Baldwin, of course, has raised Trump parody to a fine art on “Saturday Night Live,” and Andersen has been mocking “the short-fingered vulgarian” since he co-founded Spy magazine back in the late 1980s.

“I consider myself the world’s greatest above-average Trump impersonator,” Baldwin says by phone from. . . .

To read the rest of this interview, go to The Washington Post:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entert...

[Betsy Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious audiobook—particularly the first part read by Alec Baldwin as Trump and then as himself. Baldwin was so funny (even after he said he was now reading as himself) that it took me a while to be able to hear the second reader, writer Kurt Andersen who reads as a writer. The third reader is actor Oliver Wyman who plays all the different voices—no trouble at all listening to him. But the real laughs are through Baldwin, who comes in for the last half hour as the tragicomedy closer, making me wish he’d done the whole book. The book is as funny as it is because of the truth it grows out of—real Trump lines. And the end is as horrifying as it is because of the truth it dramatizes that so many of us already know.

For a comprehensive analysis, see Trish’s review.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was led to this book by Trish's great review as it would not have been on my radar otherwise.

I enjoyed the satire very much, but as a sustained roar, it started to lose power after a while. I think that's because I get far too much of the real thing on the news for it to be effective. Alec Baldwin is superb as DJT on SNL -- but the reason he is, (for me at least) is that I can view him in small doses. Fifteen minutes is my humour limit on DJT, it appears; and so, I read it in 15 minute increments, just to be on the safe said, and not become totally depressed. I mean totally. With a capital T.

Baldwin and Andersen cut too close to the bone on this one. After about 30 pages, I wasn't sure anymore if I was reading a parody, or if I was reading the transcripts from an MSNBC segment. I had to shake my head on several occasions, and even do a reality check with my husband. Our conversations ran something like this for two days:

"Did Trump really say ... ?"

"No? Hmm. I thought for sure I'd heard that last night on .... Are you sure about that?"

At which point, my husband was second-guessing himself.

We did get a lot of chuckles of recognition. But, as I say, it's hard after a while to do a caricature of a caricature, and keep it alive and fresh. It's too exhausting, I imagine. Alec Baldwin should get some kind of award just for maintaining the role and not going completely insane.

A couple of the stand-out moments which exemplified to me DJT's spirit, were captured with perfection:

Then there was my speech. Remember when Obama surprised everybody by singing "Amazing Grace" at that very sad black funeral in the South? People loved that. Loved it. My idea was to end my inauguration speech by saying, as I did, "America will start winning again, winning like never before." But then suddenly the music would come up and I would start singing -- "We ... are ... the ... champions, no time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world!" Boom, people are going wild, applauding, screaming, crying. Would've been amazing. But Mike Pence literally pleaded with me not to do that, because it turns out the guy who sang it originally was gay.

My fallback idea was to end the inauguration speech with the lines, "I will never, ever let you down. The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer. See how they run, like pigs from a gun? Everyone is listening to you now." Then, cue the U.S. Army band, music up and I sing, "I am he as you are me and we are all together!" and repeat it over and over, easier to sing than the Queen song, clapping my hands, everyone joins in, then I'm like, "God bless you, and God bless America!" Boom, the end, totally upbeat after Bannon's "carnage" stuff earlier. But Ivanka didn't get the Beatles reference, so in the end I decided to play it straight. As it turned out, people said the speech was one of the five best of all time."

I ask you, is there really anyone who could "not" imagine DJT doing this?

Both Baldwin and Andersen read Trump like an open book, pardon the pun, and the result is gut-splittingly funny, and very sad. It's up to the reader to decide if they can sit through the entire book when so much of it can be caught on the evening news.

I give this 5 stars for capturing the man so well. 3 stars because I can only stand so much of a bad thing. Sad. : [

[Kressel Housman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since Trump's election, I've read many serious books analyzing how America got to what I, along with many others, consider a crisis of democracy, so it was refreshing to read a parody about it. The authors are two experienced Trump satirists: Alec Baldwin, who has been mimicking Trump on SNL all year, and Kurt Andersen, who has been lampooning him in print since the 1980's. A particularly funny touch to the book is that instead of the usual glowing review copy that graces the back flap, this one has an insult from the real Donald Trump about each of the two authors and how unfunny they are.

The book takes you through all the familiar events of the last year since Trump's election. The staffing changes are there, as are darker things, like Putin, North Korea, and Charlottesville, though they're not the main thing. I suppose the authors wanted to leave the serious stuff to serious analysts; they concentrate on parodying Trump's arrogance, incompetence, and growing instability. How It All Ends, which is the question on many of our minds, did not make me laugh, but perhaps it shouldn't. After all, there are many ways it could end, and some of them might not be a triumph for democracy. That being the case, if you do feel we're in crisis, and you're active in "the resistance" in some capacity, I recommend this book to you. Protecting democracy against those who would subvert it is no easy task. We might as well laugh along the way.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

UPDATE: Just reread this, and it is even funnier - and more frighteningly infuriating - than the first time, since in hindsight I see that this here is THE REAL TRUMP; the narcissistic, megalomaniacal sideshow freak slipping ever-deeper into paranoia and dementia. This man truly needs to be institutionalized - prison or mental health facility, I don't care. Just lock him away!!

As to the book itself, one of Trump's expressed concerns that I'm betting will actually play out in the near future is his worry that Jared Kushner might be "a Fredo who thinks he's a Michael." In light of current reporting that Jared and Ivanka are trying to distance themselves from Dad, combined with Michael Cohen's prediction that Trump will throw Jared under the bus first, I could totally see "the Donald" sending Jared out fishing on Lake Tahoe with Uncle Rudy...

ORIGINAL REVIEW: Definitely 5 stars in a lot of places, but like most full-length parodies - think any SNL skit turned into a movie - it's hard to keep up that pace, and so ends up going on a little too long. But if you like the Baldwin sketches, you'll enjoy this overall, and probably laugh out loud more than a couple of times.

Not sure why, but I particularly got a kick out of the number of ways "Trump" mispronounced things - world leader's names, obviously, but also the various references to Ivanka and Jared being unavailable on weekends because they were observing Shabbat - or as he calls it, Shaboom, Shebang, Schmata, Schmo Robot, Shlimazel, and probably a few others.

Also some pretty funny if predictable running gags about Barron being his smartest child, his own daddy issues, his wanting to dump Melania, his not-so-latent racism and his barely-suppressed lust for Ivanka. And yes, admittedly childish and probably not for everyone - but anything that contributes to the world's overall mockery of this buffoon deserves our love and support.

[Andre Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is exactly how I'd imagine a book if Trump sat down and wrote one. Well done, and a much needed laugh in the midst of a constant fear and stress!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this, but the line between satire and real life is getting too thin to be funny.

[Heather · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love Alec Baldwin as dRumpf on SNL. This book is unreadable.

[Liza Fireman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trump/Alec Baldwin narrates this book. But it is just not funny, or not funny enough. The real Trump, unfortunately is funnier., which is really sad, but satire is really tough in this case. Who is Trump? Trump is an important man the world should never ignore or laugh at. A great American winner at business? Sure. A sexy guy who attracted a thousand beautiful ladies, supermodels and entertainers and many others? Definitely. More importantly, a highly intelligent and strongly trustworthy leader who people really, really, really admire, who millions and eventually billions of people would really, really, really love and respect forever.

Here is an example: "Then I trusted a nice lady at The Trump Organization, former ballerina, used to be gorgeous, who helped write a few of my recent bestsellers—including Trump: How to Get Rich, Money Does Buy Happiness, The Amazing Magical Miraculous Mr. Trump, and Everyone But You Is a Loser. So I let her write my wife’s little speech for the Republican convention. By using Michelle Obama’s convention speech for that, she didn’t betray me on purpose—my top security guy, Keith, spent a few hours alone with her making sure, believe me—but she did give the dishonest hater disgusting fake media an opportunity to embarrass me and, sure, my wife, on the day of my nomination."

Or this: “Wait until you’re out of office, Daddy,” Ivanka said, “when you can say everything you want to about Ryan and Merkel and the Clintons and everybody else, and you’ll get paid even more.”

I highly recoomend The Arrangements by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which is much more funny (or maybe sadly might be much more real), a look from Melania's eyes (and tells a lot about Ivanka and the relationship between these two and Trump). And Melania in this book: The American people like Melania because she’s very beautiful and she’s with me, but also because she doesn’t say much, so why would they want to read a book by her? It’s a sad “Cash-22.”)

So it's fine, but not worth the time. If we want to here: Proud that someday I would, you know, make America great again. we can just listen to the real Trump, or read his twitter, which is much shorter than this book. 2 plus stars.

[Jessica Marsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was absolutely hilarious, and it is even better as an audiobook. Even though Alec Baldwin only reads as Trump for about 2 hours, it is a lot easier to picture 45 saying these things when you hear it. I was laughing and crying the entire time, and crying because you know he really would say these things. Good job, Alec Baldwin! Big League congrats on writing this gem.

[Bettie]

Entertainment Weekly reveals cover of Baldwin's Trump memoir

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a horrible book. Don't buy it. I checked it out from the library and STILL feel like a paid too much. It's not funny. It's a sad and pathetic attempt to capitalize on Alec Baldwin's character on SNL. Sure, five minutes of that character is amusing, but 6 hours is dreadful. I listened to the audiobook and Alec Baldwin narrated only the first two hours. Then he admitted that he couldn't stand doing it anymore. Then Kurt Andersen took over (I'm disappointed that he had anything to do with this piece of crap book.) When Kurt Andersen couldn't stand reading the drivel anymore, Oliver Wyman carried on with the narration. Then Alec Baldwin took over again for the last 30 minutes. It all sucked. I recommend giving the book as a gift to someone you no longer want to be friends with. If your significant other gives you this as a gift, take it as a sign that they want you to suffer. If you see this on a list of recommended books at a bookstore, leave that bookstore immediately. If you see someone dropping a copy of the book on the ground, it's not an accident; they're littering. If prisoners of war were forced to listen to this book, it might be a violation of the Geneva conventions. I wish I could give this book a negative score.

[Wendelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

this witty book from top-form Trump impersonator Alec Baldwin is a national treasure and we must cherish it. especially since Trump is so prickly about public ridicule

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes funny, sometimes tiresome, always depressing to ponder that the over-the-top versions of Trump aren't much more ridiculous than the real deal.

[Judie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This brilliant book was published less than two weeks ago and it has already topped the fake news “New York Times” bestseller list longer than any other book in history. It will certainly win both the Nobel and Pulitzer Prizes. It’s beautiful to hold and look at (certainly a 10). It has 246 thick, silky pages, lots of side comments, and a lot of beautiful, full-color pictures of me and some other people. There are forty chapters, short enough that you will not get bored or have to read things that don't matter. Trust me, every word in it is true because I wrote it.

You will see what a wonderful, talented, caring nonracist person I am and the wonderful relationships I have with my staff, the members of Congress, foreign leaders, and some of the members of my family, especially at least two of my children..

The story begins in 1986, "the day the space shuttle blew up, so tragic, but I was in a fabulous mood." I was in my 30s and my businesses were taking off. I just closed the deal on Mar-a-Lago and learned that even though my mother had been born in Scotland I could become the US president, Mar-a-Lago could become the Winter White House and I could continue playing golf.

It covers almost the end of my first year in office. You will learn about my leadership, business, and management skills, the respect between me and leaders of foreign countries, and how my golf game continues to improve. You will learn how well I follow the news on television and in the newspapers, how I make my decisions, what I like to eat, and what is wrong with The White House.

I one place, I humbly tell about a misunderstanding I had. Paul Ryan said something to me and it sounded very insulting. I was shocked and asked him to repeat it. When he did, it was similar, but very different from what I thought I had heard.

I promise, YOU CAN'T SPELL AMERICA WITHOUT ME is the best book you will ever read.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex Baldwin has done an amazing job on Saturday Night Live portraying President Trump. In this "memoir" Baldwin looks back at this year, describing what this year has been like, speaking as his alter-ego Trump. I found myself laughing out loud many times. The photos are priceless. I simply loved this book. In this day and age, every laugh should be valued, and I certainly valued all of the ones I had from this book! Read it!

[Jeimy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Do not purchase this book. Do not read this book. Borrow the audiobook from your public library. You will be laughing aloud at the parts read by Alec Baldwin and cringing throughout the rest. It is not the best-written book, but one has to forgive it because 45 is not the most eloquent of presidents.

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars, would've been 4, but it trails significantly in the last 50 pages, which is quite disappointing.

*Must be read with the voice in mind.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Three readers and four voices. Hilarious to hear.

[Stephanie Griffin · Rating 3 out of 5]

REALLY funny, but I wish that Baldwin had narrated the whole thing!

[Ellison · Rating 4 out of 5]

At times laugh out loud funny, at times mind-numbing, at times mean-spirited. This is like an inner running monologue of the 45th President of the United States.

[Roy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really 3.5 stars.

The book is a satire on the presidency but all to often feels suspiciously close to the truth. It presents the president as seriously demented and guesses he is fed his "vitamin supplements" to stabilize his moods. While it occasionally bites into it's topic, it feels all too depressingly real. What I had hoped would be a comic relief was sometimes closer to a depressingly real description of the unstable personality who is in the White House. True, it parodied Trump in such areas as thinking he invents new and unusual phrases that he wants to copyright (such as "Fake" News), but given an already hyporealistic presidency, is the parody that far a stretch from the reality?
Kudos for trying and being occasionally satirically amusing, but the recording sometimes isn't successful given the absurdity of its subject.

[Matthew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like most SNL skits, this goes on for too long.

[Sean Bean as Zeus in Percy Jackson · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book by a man that could be in jail if he wasn’t famous about a man that could be in jail if he wasn’t famous. Now do one about killary.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty funny, tails off a bit towards the end.