Ill-Equipped for a Life of Sex: A Memoir

by Jennifer Lehr

The wife of comic and writer John Lehr describes a series of painful relationships that marked her young adulthood, her disillusionment in the face of a lackluster married sex life, and the truths that she has discovered in her quest for passionate intimacy. Reprint. 15,000 first printing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography Memoir, Sexuality, Marriage, Autobiography

352 pages, Paperback

First published August 17, 2004

Reviews

[Violet · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unbearable and narcissistic, even for a memoir. The best part is at the end, when Lehr's husband, who for most of the book is described as uninterested in having sex with her, unconvincingly tries to defend himself as a sex machine.

[Melissa Po · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an honest, shamelesss account of a couple's struggling sex life. But although I enjoyed its openness on the scarier parts of intimacy, I spent much of this book wanting to strangle the author (it's a memoir, so it's all about her). I love a good love story. I do not, however, revel in reading a love story where the main couple seems devoid of any actual regard for each other. This seemed to me to be a history of two people so stubborn as to force a relationship instead of acknowledge their incompatibility. Marriage, in my ideal world, is about fulfilling a spouse's need gratefully and unregretfully, while being able to ask the same treatment in return. Why 4 stars then? Because even though I couldn't stand the author, her husband, or their way of life, it was well written and unabashedly honest about a topic that can be hard to breach, even to oneself.

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

Zero stars--horrible book that's essentially verbal vomit and written diarrhea in which an extremely anxious and spoiled Jewish girl from a well-off family details her dull sex life, blaming all of her issues on the men she is with before finally marrying a guy who is forced to change just about everything about himself. What she claims to be bold, artistic and feminist is really sophomoric, dull and hypocritical. The publisher and editors should all lose their jobs for thinking this is worth putting on paper.

It's not worth devoting much time to a review--just believe that Jennifer Lehr represents what bad about so many women in modern society: lying, hypocritical, two-faced, fearful, demeaning and abusing well-meaning men, carrying an "independent woman" flag while mooching off others and failing to earn their own money, having a huge hole in the middle of their hearts and trying to fill it with things that never make them happy, then getting book deals to spew all this crap out in 350 pages of nothing.

Lehr misuses every guy she's with, never appears to attempt to see other viewpoints, tries hard to not have vaginal sex then suddenly likes it when anal accidentally occurs, pulls away when a man gets too interested in her then cries when he withdraws, complains that she's sexually objectified then puts in the book photos of herself nude! Let me clue in women who act and dress like sluts then complain that they're being objectified: you are usually the problem, not the men. If you don't want to have guys think you have pretty breasts or a tight ass, or have them assume you want to have sex, then don't get nude or try to seduce them. For as smart as this woman claims to be she is stupid in the relationship department, wanting to attract and seduce guys to make herself feel better then complaining when they actually expect her to follow through physically!

It's poorly written, jumps timelines and makes no sense by mixing together unrelated stories, filled with half-pages of white space, tosses in some old photos with eyes black-barred, and a commentary that is non-stop whining. Lehr never understands why guys suddenly aren't interested in her, well it's obvious from reading this! She insults virtually every guy she mentions, including those she "loves" and typically about what they look like. How shallow. She mentions a couple of "fat" boyfriends but shows their photos--they aren't fat, it's simply her biased views and her own skewed objectification of what she expects from men physically. Talk about total hypocrite, a word I can't use enough for her. If she thought this book would bring empathy she is sorely mistaken because it makes her look terrible.

For some reason her actor boyfriend sticks with her and they eventually marry but only after he has changed pretty much everything about his life (he converts to Judaism, goes to a therapist, joins AA, gets a haircut that she likes, etc.) only in the end of the book after their marriage is a couple of years old she is STILL NOT HAPPY with him and blames him on her own failures or insecurities.

This book is proof that anybody can get a book contract if they are a New York City elitist that overshares about sex and knows the right people. You don't need to be good at writing, at art, at sex, at partnership, or at any aspect of living. Jennifer Lehr certainly is not. She's ill-equipped for life, period.

[Amber · Rating 1 out of 5]

Possibly the worst book I've ever tried to read.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing for what it tells--everything! Seemingly everything about a lot of things most people tell almost nothing about. It took a a lot of guts to write it and even more to publish it. I admire Jennifer and her husband. They don't seem afraid to be out there, up close and personal. The snapshots of the other people with with the black tape over their eyes make me wonder, because if I knew the person with the black tape, I think I would know that was a picture of the person I knew. I would love to sit down and ask Jennifer how publishing this book did or didn't change the relationships in her life. I really like this book!

[Devon · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this a few years ago and remember it as one of the least pleasurable to read books that I've ever picked up.

The most memorable moment involves poor bathroom hygiene. I still want to vomit every time I think about it.

[Dest · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't know why I read this. It wasn't good. But it's crazy to read a book in which a woman just lays her awful sex life bare. It's like eavesdropping. You know it's wrong, but it's hard to stop.

[Angie Never · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book came across as

1. incredibly cruel.
2. a scathing critique of monogamy.

I kept waiting to like it, and it never, never happened.

[Anthony Haden · Rating 2 out of 5]

Irrelevant, uninspired, narcissistic drivel.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. I was surprised that Jennifer would run to a therapist with her sex problems, but I suppose it's something, some people feel free to do. I first, was thinking "if you have to go to therapy with a Boyfriend, isn't that a sign, it's time to move on?", but then I found out that is her coping method. In her writing, I could see that she kept falling into the 'treads' that she eventually discovered she was doing. John seemed like a nice guy, but I kept thinking, "Some people are just A-sexual". Not sure if that was really his 'problem' but that was never one of Jennifer's considerations.

[Danyale · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fascinating look in to the life of the author. She unabashedly describes aspects of her life (sexual, financial, familial and romantic) in a language of honestly not normally expressed- except perhaps in the communications between best friends. They would have to be very close friends to open up this much. She discusses a great deal about her use of therapy and what a large role it has played in her life relationships. This book was hard to put down- I never could tell what she was going to say next!

[Adelita · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Book was alright. Best thing about this book is the naked pictures of the author. I don't think I've have seen a better set of boobs in my life, for real yo. Perky, nice size and REAL! Other than that, book was filled with self loathing, narcissism, and whiney dialogues and therapy sessions.

[Adrienne Urbanski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers a refresh and unique perspective on sexuality and relationships, including Lehr's own psychological exploration as to why she is attracted to unavailable men. A bit of the storyline is repetitive (and the English major in me noticed several typos), but overall the book offers great insight into relationships and how one approaches long term fidelity.

[Rosemari · Rating 4 out of 5]

A no-holds-bar on her sexual history, her economic dependence on her parents, and her oh-so-LA therapy sessions. Her intensive self-reflection is nothing but honest - sometimes pathetic, many times sweet and sincere, but always raw.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

To say that this was a courageous memoir is an understatement. Let's just say that Jennifer Lehr is awesome in her honesty (which at times makes you cringe), and that I haven't yet read a book that so obviously shows the screwed-up intimacy issues so many people have but would never admit to.

[Steffi · Rating 3 out of 5]

So far, I'm having a love/hate relationship with this book. Jennifer at times annoys the hell outta me with her selfishness and tantrums, yet I can't help but relate to a lot of her intimacy issues. Intrigued to see how this will end...

[Erica]

one woman's memoirs of her sexual history and relationships told in a hilarious, self-deprecating manner

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A co-worker had read this and told me it was really funny. I guess there were funny parts, but I mostly found it depressing, even by my standards.

[Daniel Hernandez · Rating 5 out of 5]

If everyone read this book, people would be able to be in a healthy relationship.

[Rachel Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

funny funny
and perfect for people who have intimacy and commitment issues.
i actually had a therapy-like breakthrough with this book.