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Something Gained: 7 Shifts to Be Stronger, Smarter & Happier After Divorce
When it’s over but you’re not over it. Whether you’re newly divorced or have been divorced for a long while, feelings of shame, anger and regret can linger for months and even years. The good news is that you have a choice about how you want to view your divorce experience. You have the power to reinvent divorce for yourself in a way that makes you stronger, happier and more peaceful. This book can help if you’ve been divorced and you’re ready to: --Transform anger, blame and regret into joy, acceptance and personal power --Embrace the gifts and lessons of your divorce --Peacefully co-exist with your ex-spouse --Support your kids in healing and thriving --Develop your plan for creating your life the way you’ve always wanted it By revising your perspective, you can find things to celebrate about what you learned and what you gained from your marriage and divorce experience. If you’re ready to use your divorce as a springboard to your best life, this book can help.
152 pages, Paperback
Published March 11, 2017
311 people are currently reading
619 people want to read
About the author
Deb Purdy
1 book16 followersDeb Purdy is a transformation coach, speaker, workshop leader and author. Deb's
intention is to offer support to those who want to create lives they love full of joy, enthusiasm and prosperity. And, by doing so, help increase the sum total of love and kindness in the world. To learn more, visit http://DebPurdy.com/
intention is to offer support to those who want to create lives they love full of joy, enthusiasm and prosperity. And, by doing so, help increase the sum total of love and kindness in the world. To learn more, visit http://DebPurdy.com/
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
December 28, 2017
I read this book via an Amazon-US KINDLE Unlimited download.
Just as there are several things which can bring sheer happiness into a woman’s life like: getting engaged, getting married, and the birth of her first child; there are several things which are the sheer antithesis like: the death of her parent[s], her husband, her child, and what might be the most devastating thing of all – a divorce.
There are far, far too many women whose relationships have ended abruptly with devastating results; and what they’ve thought would be their HEA turned out to be an unfortunate false alarm, a false alarm which they’re now blaming themselves for. The problem is all too often for many of these women, I hate to say this, is their persistence in making the same mistake by going after the same kind of man in their next relationship.
If you’ve ever been in what you’ve thought had been a wonderful relationship which suddenly turned sour, you probably must have wondered what you did wrong, the chances are you haven’t. Yet, many women who carry around the baggage of their divorce don’t realize the opportunity this life catastrophe has actually given them, the opportunity to transform that divorce into a learning experience which should make you feel more resilient, contented and serene with yourself and your life; and the apparent intention of Ms. Purdy in having written this book, I feel is precisely that.
In addition, this book can also assist you in still having some sort of peaceful relationship with your ex-spouse, remembering he’s still a parent of your children, children who need to have their own healing process so they can thrive going forwards.
Once you’ve gained a new perception of your life you’ll be able to rejoice about knowledge of the marriage and divorce you’ve gone through, and to use this knowledge as the catalyst for a better life.
For wanting her readers to go on living a full life without carrying around the baggage of the divorce they’ve gone through, I’m more than happy to give this book and its marvelous author, 5 STARS.
Just as there are several things which can bring sheer happiness into a woman’s life like: getting engaged, getting married, and the birth of her first child; there are several things which are the sheer antithesis like: the death of her parent[s], her husband, her child, and what might be the most devastating thing of all – a divorce.
There are far, far too many women whose relationships have ended abruptly with devastating results; and what they’ve thought would be their HEA turned out to be an unfortunate false alarm, a false alarm which they’re now blaming themselves for. The problem is all too often for many of these women, I hate to say this, is their persistence in making the same mistake by going after the same kind of man in their next relationship.
If you’ve ever been in what you’ve thought had been a wonderful relationship which suddenly turned sour, you probably must have wondered what you did wrong, the chances are you haven’t. Yet, many women who carry around the baggage of their divorce don’t realize the opportunity this life catastrophe has actually given them, the opportunity to transform that divorce into a learning experience which should make you feel more resilient, contented and serene with yourself and your life; and the apparent intention of Ms. Purdy in having written this book, I feel is precisely that.
In addition, this book can also assist you in still having some sort of peaceful relationship with your ex-spouse, remembering he’s still a parent of your children, children who need to have their own healing process so they can thrive going forwards.
Once you’ve gained a new perception of your life you’ll be able to rejoice about knowledge of the marriage and divorce you’ve gone through, and to use this knowledge as the catalyst for a better life.
For wanting her readers to go on living a full life without carrying around the baggage of the divorce they’ve gone through, I’m more than happy to give this book and its marvelous author, 5 STARS.
July 28, 2023
I read this book while on a personal retreat as I prepared to spend a year living with my ex-husband while we worked through our divorce process. It was a very useful book for me and I would recommend it to anyone one working through the end of a long-term relationship.
Postives:
* It's short. 138 pages. Zero fluff. Just useful information and very brief anecdotes from a variety of relationships. You won't waste your time.
* It's realistic and useful. While acknowledging the real challenges, Purdy helps the reader focus on what is within their control and work there.
* It's practical. Every chapter has meaningful and helpful tasks that the reader can complete on their own. I used a little journal to work through all the activities and have since gone back and reread those same notes.
* It's well organized. Each chapter is clearly titled and includes lots of no-nonsense bold faced subtitles throughout so you can easily skip sections that don't apply to you and easily skim back through and find a section you want to reread.
* It's not heteronormative. Purdy makes an effort to include a variety of relationships in the anecdotes.
Postives:
* It's short. 138 pages. Zero fluff. Just useful information and very brief anecdotes from a variety of relationships. You won't waste your time.
* It's realistic and useful. While acknowledging the real challenges, Purdy helps the reader focus on what is within their control and work there.
* It's practical. Every chapter has meaningful and helpful tasks that the reader can complete on their own. I used a little journal to work through all the activities and have since gone back and reread those same notes.
* It's well organized. Each chapter is clearly titled and includes lots of no-nonsense bold faced subtitles throughout so you can easily skip sections that don't apply to you and easily skim back through and find a section you want to reread.
* It's not heteronormative. Purdy makes an effort to include a variety of relationships in the anecdotes.
August 21, 2019
What I need to hear, when I needed to hear it!
I have been stuck in anger for at least the last 3months since he left me 9months ago. I had been looking for a book to break me from the madness of my anger, I was tired of being angry. I can’t say I’m all cured but I’m better then I was before I read this book and I now have steps to work through to get me over this angerhill. I had a hard time at first reading this book because she left her husband, where I was cheated on and left, but she gives great advice and tools that work either way. Love love love the advice she gives about the kids.
I have been stuck in anger for at least the last 3months since he left me 9months ago. I had been looking for a book to break me from the madness of my anger, I was tired of being angry. I can’t say I’m all cured but I’m better then I was before I read this book and I now have steps to work through to get me over this angerhill. I had a hard time at first reading this book because she left her husband, where I was cheated on and left, but she gives great advice and tools that work either way. Love love love the advice she gives about the kids.
June 22, 2017
I received a copy thanks a Goodreads giveaway. That being said. I think that Something Gained is a tremendously insightful book with heartfelt tips for anyone who has experienced divorce. Deb Purdy is an inspiring author who offers practical advice on how to move forward with hope and confidence. Deb is passionate about helping others and her wisdom shines through in this easy-to-absorb book. I highly recommend Something Gained as a way to heal...mind, body and s
December 11, 2018
Was touched by so much in this book. Especially the later chapters regarding forgiveness, finding the positives, lessons to be learned and moving on with joy and hope in today and tomorrow. Even though this is geared towards divorce it was exactly what I needed after a difficult ending to a long term relationship.
April 9, 2019
Definitely helped me find more positives in my life now.
I've been divorced for just over a year now but have been stuck in my head, feeling angry and reliving my past. This book helped me view my past relationship, what happened in it and my divorce from a new perspective. I feel more hopeful and grateful for who and what I have in my life.
I've been divorced for just over a year now but have been stuck in my head, feeling angry and reliving my past. This book helped me view my past relationship, what happened in it and my divorce from a new perspective. I feel more hopeful and grateful for who and what I have in my life.
June 12, 2020
A lot of great nuggets in a slim little book. It doesn't feel as cheesey as others, yet is wonderful positive. She has a lot of legit strategies I've also learned in therapy. I'd definitely recommend, mostly to women.
July 9, 2021
Full of life lessons and guidance
The most I liked is how this book guide from steps to steps about all the struggles and feelings during a divorce. In simple but meaningful language you could find strategies to each of those hard times. I loved it and recommended it
The most I liked is how this book guide from steps to steps about all the struggles and feelings during a divorce. In simple but meaningful language you could find strategies to each of those hard times. I loved it and recommended it
January 7, 2024
Excellent Post Divorce Guidance
Would encourage anyone seeking a post divorce approach that is respectful to self and others around to read. It speaks to hard truths yet framed in a way that's digestible and will honor yourself.
Would encourage anyone seeking a post divorce approach that is respectful to self and others around to read. It speaks to hard truths yet framed in a way that's digestible and will honor yourself.
May 27, 2018
Great
Really helpful I feel at peace already. This was exactly what I needed. I recommend this book to who ever wants to move forward.
Really helpful I feel at peace already. This was exactly what I needed. I recommend this book to who ever wants to move forward.
December 9, 2018
Baby Steps to a Happier Me
I really enjoyed this book. It provides me with tools to move forward instead of just wallowing in self pity.
I really enjoyed this book. It provides me with tools to move forward instead of just wallowing in self pity.
April 1, 2020
Some good ideas in here
August 7, 2021
Okay-ish book. A few good reminders mostly focussed on self-care along the lines of "Don't hold a grudge." Nothing that blew me away though.
December 8, 2023
Its a good book
March 2, 2024
This small book packs a powerful punch, not just on how to deal with divorce in a productive way, but truly on dealing with any difficult life situation.
February 15, 2025
Positive in presentation. I read this book because a close relative is going through a divorce and I want to be available for support if needed.
August 4, 2020
Great book
I got a lot out of it
And wrote down a lot of key parts to apply to my new life
I got a lot out of it
And wrote down a lot of key parts to apply to my new life
March 21, 2020
yes, I think that good book specially good sentences to work:
The 7 shifts Deb leveraged to gain strength from her divorce
1. Foundational shift
2. Shift intentions
3. Shift your story
4. Shift view of ex
5. Shift conversation
6. Kids are shifters too
7. Shift on
The 7 shifts Deb leveraged to gain strength from her divorce
1. Foundational shift
2. Shift intentions
3. Shift your story
4. Shift view of ex
5. Shift conversation
6. Kids are shifters too
7. Shift on
January 18, 2020
Bought this a few weeks after my split during a book binge. Didn’t read until 6 months later. I will say I’ve pretty much healed and used most of the techniques offered in this on my own, but I’ve probably picked up a few things from working in trauma sensitive environments.
My favorite was her mentioning to take the perspective of a laboratory scientist and sort of looking at every situation from the outside (which I feel I do with every aspect of life anyways- and I’ve actually said this very thing about dating).
So while past the point of needing this book, it did gives me tips/skills and I’m even going to have the kids I work with try some activities. I don’t think this book is relevant just for divorce...but every situation or relationship you can think of. It’s all about being able to reframe and grow.
I would recommend this to anyone struggling to let go of any sort of negativity in their life.
My favorite was her mentioning to take the perspective of a laboratory scientist and sort of looking at every situation from the outside (which I feel I do with every aspect of life anyways- and I’ve actually said this very thing about dating).
So while past the point of needing this book, it did gives me tips/skills and I’m even going to have the kids I work with try some activities. I don’t think this book is relevant just for divorce...but every situation or relationship you can think of. It’s all about being able to reframe and grow.
I would recommend this to anyone struggling to let go of any sort of negativity in their life.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews