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The Struggle Within
Through Ryan’s trials, there are three different perspectives: a best friend watching from the outside, a lover desperate to get in, and his own mind.
His struggles were theirs. He just didn’t know it.
A tragic accident changed Dr. Ryan Jacobs’ life and freed him from a past he thought he’d never escape, but with that freedom came the realization: he could escape the man, but would be bound to the torturous battle within his mind. Fighting for control of his thoughts, he lived recklessly in a life of addiction and the next good time. Wearing a mask of deception, and hiding it beautifully behind his playboy ways, he fooled himself into thinking this was the real him, but he couldn’t fool everyone.
Dr. Michael Jonas considered Ryan more than just a friend, he was his family. With the support of his wife, Michael held Ryan’s hand, listened to him cry, and helped him through the hardest events of his life. He could see through the fake smiles and playboy attitude, seeing his best friend for the man he really was. After Michael’s wife had given birth to their first child, Michael vowed never to let pain affect his family again, Ryan included. But Michael carried his own burdens and watching Ryan struggle was harder than he thought. It tore him apart, silently, until there was only one choice. Save his best friend before it was too late.
As a high-powered attorney, Jayson Alexander thrived on easy thrills both in his professional and personal life, but when his heart broke the rules, he had no choice but to break it and run from the pain. Obsessive about controlling his own life, he set goals and rules and tried to ensure his own happiness, but life had a different plan. So he sought out answers and took on a case that would eventually change everything. He was drawn to Ryan from the moment he laid eyes on him. With a magnetic connection he couldn’t deny, he found Ryan irresistible, but he found out quickly the connection was more than physical. Jayson wanted Ryan, but how could he fight the demons Ryan’s mind was creating and stop them from pushing him away?
Ryan built a force field around his heart, vowing after that tragic day, no man would be allowed close enough to ever hurt him again, but with the support of his best friend and the man he loved, could Ryan beat The Struggle Within once and for all?
Due to strong sexual content and language, The Struggle Within is intended for mature readers 18 years of age or over.
Trigger warning: The Struggle Within may contain a subject matter that is sensitive to some readers as it deals with domestic abuse, self-harm, and addictive behavior. The author asks that the reader please take these warnings seriously and requests discretion be advised.
His struggles were theirs. He just didn’t know it.
A tragic accident changed Dr. Ryan Jacobs’ life and freed him from a past he thought he’d never escape, but with that freedom came the realization: he could escape the man, but would be bound to the torturous battle within his mind. Fighting for control of his thoughts, he lived recklessly in a life of addiction and the next good time. Wearing a mask of deception, and hiding it beautifully behind his playboy ways, he fooled himself into thinking this was the real him, but he couldn’t fool everyone.
Dr. Michael Jonas considered Ryan more than just a friend, he was his family. With the support of his wife, Michael held Ryan’s hand, listened to him cry, and helped him through the hardest events of his life. He could see through the fake smiles and playboy attitude, seeing his best friend for the man he really was. After Michael’s wife had given birth to their first child, Michael vowed never to let pain affect his family again, Ryan included. But Michael carried his own burdens and watching Ryan struggle was harder than he thought. It tore him apart, silently, until there was only one choice. Save his best friend before it was too late.
As a high-powered attorney, Jayson Alexander thrived on easy thrills both in his professional and personal life, but when his heart broke the rules, he had no choice but to break it and run from the pain. Obsessive about controlling his own life, he set goals and rules and tried to ensure his own happiness, but life had a different plan. So he sought out answers and took on a case that would eventually change everything. He was drawn to Ryan from the moment he laid eyes on him. With a magnetic connection he couldn’t deny, he found Ryan irresistible, but he found out quickly the connection was more than physical. Jayson wanted Ryan, but how could he fight the demons Ryan’s mind was creating and stop them from pushing him away?
Ryan built a force field around his heart, vowing after that tragic day, no man would be allowed close enough to ever hurt him again, but with the support of his best friend and the man he loved, could Ryan beat The Struggle Within once and for all?
Due to strong sexual content and language, The Struggle Within is intended for mature readers 18 years of age or over.
Trigger warning: The Struggle Within may contain a subject matter that is sensitive to some readers as it deals with domestic abuse, self-harm, and addictive behavior. The author asks that the reader please take these warnings seriously and requests discretion be advised.
435 pages, ebook
First published April 22, 2017
78 people are currently reading
315 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 69 reviews
April 27, 2017
4 Stars.
Where to start with this review? Story wise,it's going to be vague-I don't really want to give anything away.I was definitely apprehensive about reading this but I'm all for diversity in books and I'm finding more and more that books that take me out of my comfort zone,actually work for me.This won't be for everyone but I would say....give it a chance......
It deals with mental,physical,and emotional abuse, but it's also a story of friendship,love,and hope-hope,that anyone who has suffered from any form of abuse can eventually find happiness.
Before and after the story there are personal,real life accounts from men who have suffered from abuse and I found their stories incredibly moving.
While it's Ryan who was abused here,it's not just his story.It's about three men and their connections to each other.....
Michael,is Ryan's friend but he's so much more than that.He's an ever present,positive force in Ryan's life.In my view,he plays a massive part in the man Ryan ends up to be.
Jayson,an attorney,plays an intregal part in the story.....he never gives up on Ryan.
I've got two close friends who suffered from mental and physical abuse....not to the extent Ryan did,and thankfully they walked away and found happiness.My point in mentioning this is that I thought the Author has perfectly portrayed what victims of abuse go through.
The feelings of no self worth,
The shame,
Being trapped in a relationship they are unable to walk away from because they feel so defeated.
Ryan's story is heart breaking but it felt real.As a reader you go on a journey with him.The anonymous sex,the use of prescription drugs are all coping mechanisms until he finally finds happiness.
An Arc of The Struggle Within was kindly provided by Tyler May to DirtyBooksObsession in exchange for an honest review.
I played roulette with my body,keeping my mind pacified and my heart safe.
Where to start with this review? Story wise,it's going to be vague-I don't really want to give anything away.I was definitely apprehensive about reading this but I'm all for diversity in books and I'm finding more and more that books that take me out of my comfort zone,actually work for me.This won't be for everyone but I would say....give it a chance......
It deals with mental,physical,and emotional abuse, but it's also a story of friendship,love,and hope-hope,that anyone who has suffered from any form of abuse can eventually find happiness.
Before and after the story there are personal,real life accounts from men who have suffered from abuse and I found their stories incredibly moving.
While it's Ryan who was abused here,it's not just his story.It's about three men and their connections to each other.....
Michael,is Ryan's friend but he's so much more than that.He's an ever present,positive force in Ryan's life.In my view,he plays a massive part in the man Ryan ends up to be.
Jayson,an attorney,plays an intregal part in the story.....he never gives up on Ryan.
I've got two close friends who suffered from mental and physical abuse....not to the extent Ryan did,and thankfully they walked away and found happiness.My point in mentioning this is that I thought the Author has perfectly portrayed what victims of abuse go through.
The feelings of no self worth,
The shame,
Being trapped in a relationship they are unable to walk away from because they feel so defeated.
Ryan's story is heart breaking but it felt real.As a reader you go on a journey with him.The anonymous sex,the use of prescription drugs are all coping mechanisms until he finally finds happiness.
An Arc of The Struggle Within was kindly provided by Tyler May to DirtyBooksObsession in exchange for an honest review.
This review has been posted on Dirty Books Obsession
April 30, 2017
This read like a major exploitation and sensationalising within a P2P fanfiction romance. My guess would be Teen Wolf. Just h/c taken to the extreme. For money.
Some topics need a very careful approach. This here approach was... not careful.
Not what I expected. Not recommended to people who do not equate a story about domestic abuse with the need to read about constantly stuffed wieners or getting a wet crotch.
Some topics need a very careful approach. This here approach was... not careful.
Not what I expected. Not recommended to people who do not equate a story about domestic abuse with the need to read about constantly stuffed wieners or getting a wet crotch.
dnf-for-good
April 27, 201710% dnf. This would be such an awesome story to read, but I can't get past author's writing. It's too amateurish.
April 28, 2017
We deal with so much in this book. Each emotion, subject, emotion, and character is raw, gritty and consuming. It's told through three different perspectives; Ryan, Michael, and Jayson. And though it's three people, Ryan is how and why it all connects.
I'll warn you of this: There's abuse in this book. It's so vital to know this going in. I feel it will still take your breath away at times knowing in advance, but there's hope here too.
What makes this story different and almost more personal than other books that deal with abuse? Because the author addresses how real this is. How men are just as susceptible to abuse as women; and she uses real accounts from real men. We see this at the beginning and the end of this story.
These three men take a journey. One from past to present. You'll weep for Ryan, no question about it. He's a survivor, one who needs to rebirth his soul and he does that in this book. His courage is inspiring and he's not a character I'll be forgetting anytime soon.
I was beyond emotional reading this and in the end I realized how difficult this must have been for the men who inspired this book.
Heed the warnings the author very clearly states. But step out of your comfort zone for this one. It's a wonderful book.
I'll warn you of this: There's abuse in this book. It's so vital to know this going in. I feel it will still take your breath away at times knowing in advance, but there's hope here too.
What makes this story different and almost more personal than other books that deal with abuse? Because the author addresses how real this is. How men are just as susceptible to abuse as women; and she uses real accounts from real men. We see this at the beginning and the end of this story.
These three men take a journey. One from past to present. You'll weep for Ryan, no question about it. He's a survivor, one who needs to rebirth his soul and he does that in this book. His courage is inspiring and he's not a character I'll be forgetting anytime soon.
I was beyond emotional reading this and in the end I realized how difficult this must have been for the men who inspired this book.
Heed the warnings the author very clearly states. But step out of your comfort zone for this one. It's a wonderful book.
April 30, 2017
Dnf. This is not the story I expected. A great disappointment. I wanted depth and emotion and I ended up with a sex fest. The writing is choppy and in serious need of editing. Tenses all over the place and too many confusing changes of POV.
June 23, 2017
“Because of you, I want to try.”
Firstly, this book has many trigger warnings, mainly surrounding abuse and are highlighted at the front of this book and in the blurb that may be difficult for some people to read.
This book is absolutely heartbreaking and emotionally draining throughout but so beautifully written and such a good read. There's also a big emphasis on Love, support and courage.
I want to start by discussing the 5 amazingly brave individuals who shared a little bit of their own real life stories at the beginning and end of this book. It is still a full sized novel and they are only really small but please read them as they are real and genuine and I hold my hands up to them and applaud them for the bravery it took to share.
This story is about Ryan and Jayson but it's also told from Michaels point of view who is Ryan's best friend. Its an unusual concept to have part of the story told from a none MC perspective but it works so well and it was great reading Michaels thoughts, feelings and recollections of the situations.
Ryan is really struggling with his PTSD and anxiety disorder following a horrific abusive marriage to Calvin Chase a fellow doctor. Calvin died in a tragic accident which Ryan was also involved in but survived.
'I would take any of these physical scars over the ones I have in my heart and mind.'
The Chase family are subsequently suing Michael for malpractice on the grounds his dislike for Calvin lead him to not try and save him to the best of his abilities - a claim Michael strenuously denies and gets his wife's brother Jayson on board as his lawyer.
Jason and Ryan meet and there's an instant connection but due to the atrocities in his past Ryan resists and tries to keep it to just intimacy and nothing more, but it doesn't quite work out like that.
Ryan and Jayson are so sweet. Jayson is just brilliant and so understanding and all he wants is to support and love Ryan. Deep down Ryan wants the same thing but the trauma in his past has his heart and mind constantly battling.
“I’m finally able to look into the mirror with pride. I’m not ashamed of what I see anymore. I’m marked, scarred, but that’s what makes me, me. My scars have a story"
I'm not going to go in to any more depth on the story because I don't want to spoil it. Secondary characters are great in this book and I just adore Michael and Jenna. Ive read most of Tyler May books and loved them but this is by far my favourite. It's honest, gritty and written beautifully.
"Relationships are hard, and it’s not all sunshine and flowers. I want to be more than a friend, that’s obvious, but I will go as slow as you need because any time spent with you is worth it.”
Reviewed by Lulu from Alpha Book Club 
June 2, 2017
A DOZEN WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAGNIFICENT STARS!! COME TO THINK OF IT, THROW IN ANOTHER DOZEN <3333333!! I have so much to say here ... SO much!! I am in awe of Tyler's magical literary ability that gave us the perspectives of THREE of the most phenomenal characters <333! I'll add that while we didn't get Jenna's perspective, her silent, rocksteady support and remarkable character shined through, page after page! I absolutely ADORE Michael & Jayson ... to call these men magnificent is a severe understatement <33!! And Ryan, my wonderful, amazing, remarkable man, I want to hug you to pieces :-)!!
There WERE typos here and there, and I'll admit that the writing could have only benefited from a bit of polishing. But I decided very early on that I would ignore the glitches and focus on the STORY, and its beautiful characters [Except Calvin and his vile parents!!!]. That I would ADORE this book regardless of a few (sporadic) grammatical flaws, and wouldn't allow a magnificent evocative story to suffer in any way because of it! The STORY is what mattered and the story was absolutely wonderful :-)!!!
The writing, the insight, the fear, the bravery, the passion, the love, the anger, the elation, the friendship, the courage, the fight for, the fight against, the heartbreak, the healing, the victory, the happiness, the happily every after ... EVERYTHING, just WOW!!! Tyler May, I anticipate you're proud of yourself, because you most definitely should be!!
I have lots more to say and I have to collect my thoughts ... I'll keep adding in the coming days :-)!!
---
Some of my absolute FAVORITE quotes; hard to choose, there were so many <33333::
Quote @ 71% <3333333!
"God, when I think about the endless days and nights Michael stood by me. He is honestly the most selfless man I know. He never expected anything in return, and fuck, I was downright cruel to him at times.” Pausing, he shook his head as if he was ashamed. “I can’t even begin to tell you, Jayson, how much I owe him. He single handedly showed me what devotion and unconditional love meant, and believe me, that wasn’t an easy task. He and Jenna were a prime example of what a relationship should be. They weren’t perfect, by any means, but they loved without exception and forgave without judgment. They created a foundation, equally. And they tried to instill that in me, and honestly, I didn’t think they achieved it, but I was wrong. They empowered me against my protest and showed me how to cope. The funny thing is, I didn’t know that then. They planted those ideas subconsciously. Michael believed in me when I couldn’t."
Quote @ 73% <333333! The following isn't really a spoiler, it's just a MASSIVE quote :-)!
Quote @ 94% <3333333!
"It’s a lie when someone says time heals all wounds.
Some wounds may never heal.
They’ll scar and fade, and you’ll learn to live with the marks from your past.
But they don’t define you.
Let those scars be a reminder of how strong you are.
You survived, but most of all, you learned. You learned your worth.
You learned your endurance.
You learned life isn’t about the scars.
It is about the pride you’ll feel when you take life by the balls, and remind it you’re the boss."
******** OKAY ... LET ME JUST ADDRESS SOMETHING:: *********
True story! OMG I've apparently been living in a proverbial cave or something, because I JUST discovered that "Netflix and chill" doesn't ACTUALLY mean what I always thought it meant. That it isn't as innocent as I thought it was! The hilarious part? I've been throwing out the suggestion left, right, and centre, thinking it was safe to take the invitation at face value ... meaning we get together, watch a movie, and just CHILL ... PLATONICALLY :-o!! Holy shit!!!
How the hell was I supposed to know "Netflix and chill" is a euphemism for sex?!!? That instead of meaning "let's watch a movie and hang out ... again, PLATONICALLY", it meant "let's go somewhere and fuck" *head-desk* :-o?!?!
While I'm usually pretty fantastic at being on the up-n-up on societal jargon, I totally missed the ball on this one! Doh!
I have to thank Tyler May's book "The Struggle Within" for enlightening me :-)!!
*********
There WERE typos here and there, and I'll admit that the writing could have only benefited from a bit of polishing. But I decided very early on that I would ignore the glitches and focus on the STORY, and its beautiful characters [Except Calvin and his vile parents!!!]. That I would ADORE this book regardless of a few (sporadic) grammatical flaws, and wouldn't allow a magnificent evocative story to suffer in any way because of it! The STORY is what mattered and the story was absolutely wonderful :-)!!!
The writing, the insight, the fear, the bravery, the passion, the love, the anger, the elation, the friendship, the courage, the fight for, the fight against, the heartbreak, the healing, the victory, the happiness, the happily every after ... EVERYTHING, just WOW!!! Tyler May, I anticipate you're proud of yourself, because you most definitely should be!!
I have lots more to say and I have to collect my thoughts ... I'll keep adding in the coming days :-)!!
---
Some of my absolute FAVORITE quotes; hard to choose, there were so many <33333::
Quote @ 71% <3333333!
"God, when I think about the endless days and nights Michael stood by me. He is honestly the most selfless man I know. He never expected anything in return, and fuck, I was downright cruel to him at times.” Pausing, he shook his head as if he was ashamed. “I can’t even begin to tell you, Jayson, how much I owe him. He single handedly showed me what devotion and unconditional love meant, and believe me, that wasn’t an easy task. He and Jenna were a prime example of what a relationship should be. They weren’t perfect, by any means, but they loved without exception and forgave without judgment. They created a foundation, equally. And they tried to instill that in me, and honestly, I didn’t think they achieved it, but I was wrong. They empowered me against my protest and showed me how to cope. The funny thing is, I didn’t know that then. They planted those ideas subconsciously. Michael believed in me when I couldn’t."
Quote @ 73% <333333! The following isn't really a spoiler, it's just a MASSIVE quote :-)!
Quote @ 94% <3333333!
"It’s a lie when someone says time heals all wounds.
Some wounds may never heal.
They’ll scar and fade, and you’ll learn to live with the marks from your past.
But they don’t define you.
Let those scars be a reminder of how strong you are.
You survived, but most of all, you learned. You learned your worth.
You learned your endurance.
You learned life isn’t about the scars.
It is about the pride you’ll feel when you take life by the balls, and remind it you’re the boss."
******** OKAY ... LET ME JUST ADDRESS SOMETHING:: *********
True story! OMG I've apparently been living in a proverbial cave or something, because I JUST discovered that "Netflix and chill" doesn't ACTUALLY mean what I always thought it meant. That it isn't as innocent as I thought it was! The hilarious part? I've been throwing out the suggestion left, right, and centre, thinking it was safe to take the invitation at face value ... meaning we get together, watch a movie, and just CHILL ... PLATONICALLY :-o!! Holy shit!!!
How the hell was I supposed to know "Netflix and chill" is a euphemism for sex?!!? That instead of meaning "let's watch a movie and hang out ... again, PLATONICALLY", it meant "let's go somewhere and fuck" *head-desk* :-o?!?!
While I'm usually pretty fantastic at being on the up-n-up on societal jargon, I totally missed the ball on this one! Doh!
I have to thank Tyler May's book "The Struggle Within" for enlightening me :-)!!
*********
April 28, 2017
Domestic abuse is one of the topics that effect me deeply. Wish all the survivors would have similar happily tidied up endings. I have seen many real life stories when I did some volunteer work and lets say it was not pretty. But I have met some of strongest people I've ever seen. Taking that first step to save yourself seems like the hardest step. And sadly the road to "normalcy" does not get easier. Usually.
So this story; this carefully, thoughtfully written story is quite impressive. However, not as impressive as it could be. I don't understand why this story shies away showing the messy things in present. Especially because it does not shy away when it comes to the flashbacks. I guess that is why this don't make it 5 star for me. But still, it is pretty fantastic read. But also quite emotionally draining.
So this story; this carefully, thoughtfully written story is quite impressive. However, not as impressive as it could be. I don't understand why this story shies away showing the messy things in present. Especially because it does not shy away when it comes to the flashbacks. I guess that is why this don't make it 5 star for me. But still, it is pretty fantastic read. But also quite emotionally draining.
Read
April 29, 2017DNF @ 55%
April 30, 2017
This was such an emotional story about domestic abuse. We see Ryan trying to live his life after he struggles with mental anxiety, anguish, PTSD and much more. His emotional scars cut so much deeper than all the physical ones he's endured.
He's out of his abusive relationship but we see flash backs of his life with his husband Calvin. Ryan has such a great support system with his coworker Michael and his wife. He would literally be dead without Michael.
Ryan meets Jayson and struggles with his emotions further. He's not supposed to want someone else ever again because he will not be controlled, vulnerable. He will never love or trust another man but Jayson makes him want more.
This story has Ryan, Michael & Jayson's POV. I enjoyed seeing all their perspectives- being a survivor of domestic abuse, helping someone that has experienced it, and someone trying to have a relationship with a survivor. Jayson was so perfect for Ryan!
There were a few grammatical errors but this was such a powerful story/topic that I didn't rate less for it. The author added some stories written by survivors that were very moving and sad but still hopeful!
He's out of his abusive relationship but we see flash backs of his life with his husband Calvin. Ryan has such a great support system with his coworker Michael and his wife. He would literally be dead without Michael.
Ryan meets Jayson and struggles with his emotions further. He's not supposed to want someone else ever again because he will not be controlled, vulnerable. He will never love or trust another man but Jayson makes him want more.
This story has Ryan, Michael & Jayson's POV. I enjoyed seeing all their perspectives- being a survivor of domestic abuse, helping someone that has experienced it, and someone trying to have a relationship with a survivor. Jayson was so perfect for Ryan!
There were a few grammatical errors but this was such a powerful story/topic that I didn't rate less for it. The author added some stories written by survivors that were very moving and sad but still hopeful!
April 30, 2017
Story of abuse and courage
I seldom review much on Amazon anymore. However, this book is important. For those of us that have survived abusive relationships, we look for courage in just about anything we can. This story is one of those things for me. The story is haunting. The three different perspectives occasionally confused me in conversations. Nevertheless, it is a heartbreaking and uplifting story about abuse and a survivor. Triggers are a tough thing. Coping even harder. I hope everyone learns a healthy way to cope. Hugs to the author. You did good, as we say here in Texas.
I seldom review much on Amazon anymore. However, this book is important. For those of us that have survived abusive relationships, we look for courage in just about anything we can. This story is one of those things for me. The story is haunting. The three different perspectives occasionally confused me in conversations. Nevertheless, it is a heartbreaking and uplifting story about abuse and a survivor. Triggers are a tough thing. Coping even harder. I hope everyone learns a healthy way to cope. Hugs to the author. You did good, as we say here in Texas.
May 13, 2017
Writing a review isn't usually my thing, but I felt I had to with this book.
In spite of what a few readers said, it is a very well written book. The author doesn't pull any punches about the abuse and while there is romance and sex, the main subject is domestic abuse. I'm really not sure why the other readers seem to think this is some sort of fanfic, because it isn't.
It's a story about life, a story about abuse, but it's mainly a story about survival of that domestic abuse. And for Tyler to have both prologue and epilogue written by domestic abuse survivors was a great idea. And, I'm damn glad those people are now safe, that they no longer have to live in fear.
I do know what domestic abuse feels like, I've been there, although not to the extent that the author's friends have gone through. My short story is this, I married when I was 17, didn't really grow up in the most loving family. No abuse there, but it was a kind of indifference, I guess you would call it. My parents really didn't show me the love that my older brother got, nor the love that they showed my kids. But, I was never neglected and very seldom ever got a spanking.
I didn't know what domestic abuse was at 17, had never even read about it. I might have saw that movie with Farrah Fawcett in it way back when, but it still didn't really click.
My husband back then was lazy, he really didn't want to work much, he or someone else would get him a job and within 6 weeks, he'd either quit or get fired. I'm not even sure what started the argument that day, but it was about another lost job and for some reason, he slapped me, on my shoulder. It didn't even hurt, but it shocked me, a lot. I just looked at him for a couple of seconds, then told him to pack his shit and leave. We were living at my parent's house, so he didn't have much choice. If I hadn't stood up to him that day, it probably would have continued and escalated to something even worse. I didn't hate him, but I refused to stay in a relationship like that. I could have been in the same situation as Ryan, one of the MCs, had I allowed him to stay. I was strong enough to put my foot down about it, but there are so many who can't do that and I truly do understand why. It's not easy, never has been and never will be.
My dream is to one day win the powerball (have to but them first, lol) and builds homeless shelter in our area for lgbt kids who need a safe place, when they have no other options. As far as I know, there isn't even a shelter for adult lgbt people in a 100 mile radius. Will probably never win, so it most likely won't happen, but I can dream.
Speaking of shelters, I really didn't tear up until they were dedicating the shelter they built.
Tyler, you wrote a beautiful story and don't let anyone ever tell you different. If they do, apparently they didn't read the same book I did.
To the real people, the survivors mentioned, thank you for sharing your stories. And to the people who helped you to get away, thank you as well, for possibly saving their lives.
In spite of what a few readers said, it is a very well written book. The author doesn't pull any punches about the abuse and while there is romance and sex, the main subject is domestic abuse. I'm really not sure why the other readers seem to think this is some sort of fanfic, because it isn't.
It's a story about life, a story about abuse, but it's mainly a story about survival of that domestic abuse. And for Tyler to have both prologue and epilogue written by domestic abuse survivors was a great idea. And, I'm damn glad those people are now safe, that they no longer have to live in fear.
I do know what domestic abuse feels like, I've been there, although not to the extent that the author's friends have gone through. My short story is this, I married when I was 17, didn't really grow up in the most loving family. No abuse there, but it was a kind of indifference, I guess you would call it. My parents really didn't show me the love that my older brother got, nor the love that they showed my kids. But, I was never neglected and very seldom ever got a spanking.
I didn't know what domestic abuse was at 17, had never even read about it. I might have saw that movie with Farrah Fawcett in it way back when, but it still didn't really click.
My husband back then was lazy, he really didn't want to work much, he or someone else would get him a job and within 6 weeks, he'd either quit or get fired. I'm not even sure what started the argument that day, but it was about another lost job and for some reason, he slapped me, on my shoulder. It didn't even hurt, but it shocked me, a lot. I just looked at him for a couple of seconds, then told him to pack his shit and leave. We were living at my parent's house, so he didn't have much choice. If I hadn't stood up to him that day, it probably would have continued and escalated to something even worse. I didn't hate him, but I refused to stay in a relationship like that. I could have been in the same situation as Ryan, one of the MCs, had I allowed him to stay. I was strong enough to put my foot down about it, but there are so many who can't do that and I truly do understand why. It's not easy, never has been and never will be.
My dream is to one day win the powerball (have to but them first, lol) and builds homeless shelter in our area for lgbt kids who need a safe place, when they have no other options. As far as I know, there isn't even a shelter for adult lgbt people in a 100 mile radius. Will probably never win, so it most likely won't happen, but I can dream.
Speaking of shelters, I really didn't tear up until they were dedicating the shelter they built.
Tyler, you wrote a beautiful story and don't let anyone ever tell you different. If they do, apparently they didn't read the same book I did.
To the real people, the survivors mentioned, thank you for sharing your stories. And to the people who helped you to get away, thank you as well, for possibly saving their lives.
April 24, 2017
My heart
The struggle within was such a emotional journey it focuses on 3 men and Jayson no its not a ménage story its a survivor of domestic abuse and best friend looking in and a love interest
Michael the best friend Ryan the survivor and Jayson Ryan's love interest
This journey was heartbreaking but watching the strength Ryan has is amazing I was so proud of him for going through what he has been through and fighting to come out of it even stronger and watching wanting to take a chance on finding love with Jayson the way love should be shown
Michael and jayson were wonderful standing by Ryan's side and giving Ryan the love and support he asked them for
Tyler may wrote a amazing story
Domestic abuse is real men and women who go through this are the strongest people I know they make me so proud of them they are such a inspiration to me
I was so nervous about reading the struggle within but iam glad I took a chance on reading it the story will forever have a place in my heart
The struggle within was such a emotional journey it focuses on 3 men and Jayson no its not a ménage story its a survivor of domestic abuse and best friend looking in and a love interest
Michael the best friend Ryan the survivor and Jayson Ryan's love interest
This journey was heartbreaking but watching the strength Ryan has is amazing I was so proud of him for going through what he has been through and fighting to come out of it even stronger and watching wanting to take a chance on finding love with Jayson the way love should be shown
Michael and jayson were wonderful standing by Ryan's side and giving Ryan the love and support he asked them for
Tyler may wrote a amazing story
Domestic abuse is real men and women who go through this are the strongest people I know they make me so proud of them they are such a inspiration to me
I was so nervous about reading the struggle within but iam glad I took a chance on reading it the story will forever have a place in my heart
June 20, 2017
I have to say this. Before I actually got to the book itself I didn't think I could actually read it. I read the note from the author and the true account from a survivor, that in my opinion is a strong brave man that opened himself to us all, and thought I don't think this is going to be for me because I was already crying so hard just from those few pages. I was wrong. I read the book, it broke my heart so many times but as much as the abuse was there this story is much more than that. It shows the strength and courage needed to break free and start believing in yourself.
I think the author did a wonderful job with this tough storyline to make it very real. All I can say is well done.
I think the author did a wonderful job with this tough storyline to make it very real. All I can say is well done.
April 26, 2017
Great Book.
You can only commend the contributors to this book on their bravery, their willingness to share their stories, the strength they show every single day. They are an inspiration and I wish each and every one of them a lifetime of peace and happiness.
You can only commend the contributors to this book on their bravery, their willingness to share their stories, the strength they show every single day. They are an inspiration and I wish each and every one of them a lifetime of peace and happiness.
April 25, 2017
Beautiful story of survival
This was an amazing read the struggle people who are abused go through reading this and the extra stories were inspiring !
This was an amazing read the struggle people who are abused go through reading this and the extra stories were inspiring !
May 15, 2017
REVIEWED FOR LOVE BYTES
4.5 Stars
First of all heed the warnings on this one. The Struggle Within deals with domestic abuse, self-harm and addiction and for the most part it is on page as it is integral to the story. Before and after the actual story there are true and very personal accounts from survivors of abusive relationships and the bravery of these men putting their stories out there is amazing.
The Struggle Within is Dr Ryan Jacobs story for the main part and is a harrowing portrayal of his life after he thought he married the man of his dreams but who in fact turned out to be his worst nightmare. Ryan is systematically abused and brainwashed into giving up his family and friends as his husband Calvin takes over all aspects of his life. Calvin was Ryan’s first everything; first kiss, first lover, first person to beat him up and first person to drive him to try and take his own life. But there is hope as Calvin is also the first person Ryan snatches his life back from but that comes much later and at a huge cost.
There are two other men who feature heavily in this story – Dr Michael Jonas who is himself a survivor of abuse becomes Ryan’s everything over the years. There is never anything romantic between the two men but Michael is responsible for saving Ryan’s life – literally. He offers Ryan safety and he and his wife Jenna become Ryan’s family. Their bond runs deep and there is nothing that Michael won’t do to save Ryan. The other man pertinent to the story is Jayson Alexander who is Jenna’s brother, Michael’s lawyer and the first man to get under Ryan’s skin and not be put off by his ‘fuck them and leave them’ attitude. As he stumbled through the minefield that was Ryan he finds himself falling for the man who bears both visible and hidden scars.
For the main part the story revolves around Ryan’s recovery which is slow and painful. It happens in the aftermath of an event that once again changes the course of Ryan’s life and involves both Michael and Jayson as he bounces between highs and lows and second guesses every emotion he feels. I loved that Jayson wasn’t perfect but the way he tried was perfection. Michael was such a generous and caring man and his impact on Ryan from the moment they met was massive. This story is a toughie and won’t be for everyone. My only gripe was the editing or lack of – it’s definitely a book that could have been made slicker. It has left me with a book hangover for the characters and it’s a story that will stay with me for a long time.
4.5 Stars
First of all heed the warnings on this one. The Struggle Within deals with domestic abuse, self-harm and addiction and for the most part it is on page as it is integral to the story. Before and after the actual story there are true and very personal accounts from survivors of abusive relationships and the bravery of these men putting their stories out there is amazing.
The Struggle Within is Dr Ryan Jacobs story for the main part and is a harrowing portrayal of his life after he thought he married the man of his dreams but who in fact turned out to be his worst nightmare. Ryan is systematically abused and brainwashed into giving up his family and friends as his husband Calvin takes over all aspects of his life. Calvin was Ryan’s first everything; first kiss, first lover, first person to beat him up and first person to drive him to try and take his own life. But there is hope as Calvin is also the first person Ryan snatches his life back from but that comes much later and at a huge cost.
There are two other men who feature heavily in this story – Dr Michael Jonas who is himself a survivor of abuse becomes Ryan’s everything over the years. There is never anything romantic between the two men but Michael is responsible for saving Ryan’s life – literally. He offers Ryan safety and he and his wife Jenna become Ryan’s family. Their bond runs deep and there is nothing that Michael won’t do to save Ryan. The other man pertinent to the story is Jayson Alexander who is Jenna’s brother, Michael’s lawyer and the first man to get under Ryan’s skin and not be put off by his ‘fuck them and leave them’ attitude. As he stumbled through the minefield that was Ryan he finds himself falling for the man who bears both visible and hidden scars.
For the main part the story revolves around Ryan’s recovery which is slow and painful. It happens in the aftermath of an event that once again changes the course of Ryan’s life and involves both Michael and Jayson as he bounces between highs and lows and second guesses every emotion he feels. I loved that Jayson wasn’t perfect but the way he tried was perfection. Michael was such a generous and caring man and his impact on Ryan from the moment they met was massive. This story is a toughie and won’t be for everyone. My only gripe was the editing or lack of – it’s definitely a book that could have been made slicker. It has left me with a book hangover for the characters and it’s a story that will stay with me for a long time.
May 14, 2017
I was excited to read this book based on the description of the subject matter. I think more needs to be written about, talked about, and known about domestic violence in the LGBT community. I'm a vocal and active advocate against domestic violence against women in my city, and would gladly apply my activism to other communities when the opportunity arises.
So - that aside, this book really read like a first draft. There were tense errors (switching between present and past tense, especially in the beginning), and annoying little errors that could have easily been avoided by careful beta-reading and editing. There were issues with the legal language, and some small inconsistencies in character.
Reading through all of that was difficult for me, and I was honestly tempted not to finish, which I rarely do. But the topic was important to me, and I was on a plane today - so why not?
Underneath the things that distracted me from the story, I think the plot was solid, and the characters would be excellent if honed just a little more. The relationship between Michael and Ryan especially is really well written. Platonic relationships deserve more page time generally, especially ones that are entirely uncomplicated by romantic/sexual tension.
The accounts of what Ryan goes through are also really well done. I have no experience as a victim of abuse, thankfully, but it rang true - I believed it, and I felt for him. I also appreciated the constant reminder that although things may be going wonderfully in other aspects of life - especially in romantic relationships - PTSD doesn't just go away. It will always be a part of your experience. I think it would be easy to get carried away when writing what is essentially a love story, to imagine that all the inner turmoil one of your characters face might ease or disappear within the environment of a loving and stable relationship... but that would not ring true.
So as you can see, I had mixed feelings about this book. With some editing it could be really good. As it is at time of reading - it just needed work.
So - that aside, this book really read like a first draft. There were tense errors (switching between present and past tense, especially in the beginning), and annoying little errors that could have easily been avoided by careful beta-reading and editing. There were issues with the legal language, and some small inconsistencies in character.
Reading through all of that was difficult for me, and I was honestly tempted not to finish, which I rarely do. But the topic was important to me, and I was on a plane today - so why not?
Underneath the things that distracted me from the story, I think the plot was solid, and the characters would be excellent if honed just a little more. The relationship between Michael and Ryan especially is really well written. Platonic relationships deserve more page time generally, especially ones that are entirely uncomplicated by romantic/sexual tension.
The accounts of what Ryan goes through are also really well done. I have no experience as a victim of abuse, thankfully, but it rang true - I believed it, and I felt for him. I also appreciated the constant reminder that although things may be going wonderfully in other aspects of life - especially in romantic relationships - PTSD doesn't just go away. It will always be a part of your experience. I think it would be easy to get carried away when writing what is essentially a love story, to imagine that all the inner turmoil one of your characters face might ease or disappear within the environment of a loving and stable relationship... but that would not ring true.
So as you can see, I had mixed feelings about this book. With some editing it could be really good. As it is at time of reading - it just needed work.
April 23, 2017
THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING STORY!!!
Domestic abuse IS REAL!!! being man, woman, young, old... It can happen in any social class, anywhere in the world...
This is a story of trust going wrong and the struggle to overcome years of abuse...
BUT, it's also and foremost, a story of SECOND CHANCES, OF COURAGE, OF LOVE... Survivors of abuse are not victims, they are really SURVIVORS! They may not see their own strenght, but they have more courage than they can imagine.
It's heartbreaking to see everything that Ryan went thru in the hands of his abuser, but it's heartwarming to see all the support he has in Michael (his best friend) and in the love of Jayson... It's really humble to see Ryan struggles and really inspiring to see him getting back the reins of his life and destiny... ❤ ❤ ❤
So, to every abuse survivor (specially the ones brave enough to share their story on this book) - "never be ashamed of your scars... Carry them as the badges of honor they are - Because they are proof that you Survived! and that you were stronger than what tried to bring you down"
AMAZING BOOK!!! Don't miss it!
***I received an advanced copy in exchange of an honest and unbiased review***
Domestic abuse IS REAL!!! being man, woman, young, old... It can happen in any social class, anywhere in the world...
This is a story of trust going wrong and the struggle to overcome years of abuse...
BUT, it's also and foremost, a story of SECOND CHANCES, OF COURAGE, OF LOVE... Survivors of abuse are not victims, they are really SURVIVORS! They may not see their own strenght, but they have more courage than they can imagine.
It's heartbreaking to see everything that Ryan went thru in the hands of his abuser, but it's heartwarming to see all the support he has in Michael (his best friend) and in the love of Jayson... It's really humble to see Ryan struggles and really inspiring to see him getting back the reins of his life and destiny... ❤ ❤ ❤
So, to every abuse survivor (specially the ones brave enough to share their story on this book) - "never be ashamed of your scars... Carry them as the badges of honor they are - Because they are proof that you Survived! and that you were stronger than what tried to bring you down"
AMAZING BOOK!!! Don't miss it!
***I received an advanced copy in exchange of an honest and unbiased review***
August 30, 2021
The MC is a broken man who has been abused both physically and mentally in the past. Although his best friend has done everything and will do everything to protect him, his future is rather hopeless at the beginning of the story. For some reason, this book didn’t get much attention, even though I think it’s a very nicely written, realistic story. I loved it. Reread material even though it’s not a fluffy love story.
dnf
June 5, 2017DNF at 11%
I wanted to love this book. It was just too slow, it didn't hold my interest. oh well.
I wanted to love this book. It was just too slow, it didn't hold my interest. oh well.
April 28, 2017
Trigger Warnings: Abuse, mental/physical abuse, self harm, emotional abuse, brutal beatings, attempted suicide, graphic, domestic violence, rape.
I have to say that even though I read the description of this book before I read it, I was still not prepared for how some of the things that Ryan went through really hit close to home and honestly was an eye opener for me on a personal level.
This could not have been an easy book to write in the least. This book more then touches on a subject that most authors skim over when writing about domestic violence because of how horrible the ordeal can be. I applaud Tyler May for writing this book and even more I applaud the f t that Tyler May has incorporated in both the beginning and the end of this book real life people who have put themselves out there by sharing some of their experience with domestic violence.
This book is truly an emotional roller coaster. There are some good times but there is definitely some very difficult times that the main character Ryan had to face. But like this book shows domestic violence does not only affect the person being abused it also affects that remain close to them and then it will also affect future relationships also.
I want to forewarn those that have triggers to this book that you will not want to read it because Tyler May does what I believe is an incredible thing by vividly describing some of what Ryan went through but also by describing vividly the lengths that family and friends will go to in order to help try and save someone in this situation. I also applaud Tyler for writing this book because too many people believe that if it is a same sex couple that it may not be abuse. Also Tyler makes sure to let readers know that just because someone may not physically put their hands on someone, that does not mean it is not abuse if it is only verbal. In some ways the verbal is worse then the physical because the verbal and emotional abuse weaves it way into your head, your heart, and your very soul and it does not go away like bruises will.
I applaud Tyler May all the way around on writing this book because it is a subject that should be brought to light more then it is because this is an easy thing to hide from or turn a blind eye on seeing it happen. No one knows how truly bad it can be or how bad it can get, but Tyler is shedding the light on this subject and I believe that is an incredible thing. Who knows, reading this very emotional read may just help save someone's life that one of us may love.
I have to say that even though I read the description of this book before I read it, I was still not prepared for how some of the things that Ryan went through really hit close to home and honestly was an eye opener for me on a personal level.
This could not have been an easy book to write in the least. This book more then touches on a subject that most authors skim over when writing about domestic violence because of how horrible the ordeal can be. I applaud Tyler May for writing this book and even more I applaud the f t that Tyler May has incorporated in both the beginning and the end of this book real life people who have put themselves out there by sharing some of their experience with domestic violence.
This book is truly an emotional roller coaster. There are some good times but there is definitely some very difficult times that the main character Ryan had to face. But like this book shows domestic violence does not only affect the person being abused it also affects that remain close to them and then it will also affect future relationships also.
I want to forewarn those that have triggers to this book that you will not want to read it because Tyler May does what I believe is an incredible thing by vividly describing some of what Ryan went through but also by describing vividly the lengths that family and friends will go to in order to help try and save someone in this situation. I also applaud Tyler for writing this book because too many people believe that if it is a same sex couple that it may not be abuse. Also Tyler makes sure to let readers know that just because someone may not physically put their hands on someone, that does not mean it is not abuse if it is only verbal. In some ways the verbal is worse then the physical because the verbal and emotional abuse weaves it way into your head, your heart, and your very soul and it does not go away like bruises will.
I applaud Tyler May all the way around on writing this book because it is a subject that should be brought to light more then it is because this is an easy thing to hide from or turn a blind eye on seeing it happen. No one knows how truly bad it can be or how bad it can get, but Tyler is shedding the light on this subject and I believe that is an incredible thing. Who knows, reading this very emotional read may just help save someone's life that one of us may love.
April 29, 2017
Touching, heartbreaking at times and beautifully written
Beautifully written. Abuse is something that a lot of people still don't take seriously and that is something that has to change. I remember once years ago watching a tv show were a young man was raped by a group of women. The next day I heard others at my work laughing saying that the show was unrealistic and that a man could never be raped. To say I was appalled was the least of it I was livid. I had to take a break because I was afraid that if I said something I would end up making a scene and lose my job. To say that a man could never could never be abused or raped by anyone is to say a man could never lose a fight to anyone. Men lose fights all the time. This book she'd some light into how a man can be abused just like anyone else. Abuse while it can be physical is more mental. While you make have bruises and broken bones it's the mental anguish that stays with you. The abuser makes you believe you deserve everything that happens to you and that they are doing out of love. Thank you Ms May for making that known.
To those who gifted us with part of their story remember you did nothing wrong. I am so happy you got out. Stay strong and remember you are so worth it, all the good, happiness and love, you are worth it.
Beautifully written. Abuse is something that a lot of people still don't take seriously and that is something that has to change. I remember once years ago watching a tv show were a young man was raped by a group of women. The next day I heard others at my work laughing saying that the show was unrealistic and that a man could never be raped. To say I was appalled was the least of it I was livid. I had to take a break because I was afraid that if I said something I would end up making a scene and lose my job. To say that a man could never could never be abused or raped by anyone is to say a man could never lose a fight to anyone. Men lose fights all the time. This book she'd some light into how a man can be abused just like anyone else. Abuse while it can be physical is more mental. While you make have bruises and broken bones it's the mental anguish that stays with you. The abuser makes you believe you deserve everything that happens to you and that they are doing out of love. Thank you Ms May for making that known.
To those who gifted us with part of their story remember you did nothing wrong. I am so happy you got out. Stay strong and remember you are so worth it, all the good, happiness and love, you are worth it.
April 28, 2017
... My aching broken heart... This was a very hard & emotional read. Heartbreaking & Beautiful all the same.I had to take my time reading it because I was crying so much & it was so hard... Knowing this happens in real life & reading the real stories of those very brave & strong men, fudge! Just Wow... Also that poor woman at the end:( My heart hurts so & I'm still here crying & I know all these stories are going to stay imprinted in my heart & soul & I pray for the strong survivors & victims that can't leave yet & hope that the will. The Struggle Within is a must read! I don't know how many times I wanted to crawl inside my kindle & hug Ryan & help him anyway I can... But thank goodness he had the best friend ever in Michael & Jayson came along.Ryan, Jayson & Michael, love you guys & so happy for your HEA's.
May 24, 2017
There aren't enough words in the english language to express how this book has affected me. My heart is full and my mind further enlightened concerning the emotion and physical truth of domestic violence. Gay or straight domestic violence is totally unexceptable!!!!! LOVE SHOULD NEVER HURT!!! If it does...it is NOT love. Thank you Tyler May for such a deep, amazing and exceptional story. To all the domestic abuse survivors who contributed by allowing you to publish their stories, poems and testimonials... Thank you so much. I have such a profound respect for you for writing this book...this unfortunate truth. I am so emotional right now. This book with forever be engrained in my heart. Tyler....WELL DONE!!!
April 26, 2017
Amazing writer!
I have to say reading this book made me think of so many questions I will never get answers to, but that it opened my eyes that abuse of any form physical, mental or verbal, etc. should be made aware of! No one should have to go through that kind of abuse. NO ONE! So I hope with having a little saying at the end of the book about my sister Heidi Glass helps as many people who are dealing with this that there is a way out before it involves homicide and suicide at the hands of the one person who you thought would love you for who you are and not a doormat for someone to take away from you, your mom and your dad and you siblings and your own children. It means your life is worth more than anything false and not safe for you to be around with the person who is or has abused you! So in a few words this books is so worth reading!!! So Tyler May THANK YOU!
I have to say reading this book made me think of so many questions I will never get answers to, but that it opened my eyes that abuse of any form physical, mental or verbal, etc. should be made aware of! No one should have to go through that kind of abuse. NO ONE! So I hope with having a little saying at the end of the book about my sister Heidi Glass helps as many people who are dealing with this that there is a way out before it involves homicide and suicide at the hands of the one person who you thought would love you for who you are and not a doormat for someone to take away from you, your mom and your dad and you siblings and your own children. It means your life is worth more than anything false and not safe for you to be around with the person who is or has abused you! So in a few words this books is so worth reading!!! So Tyler May THANK YOU!
April 24, 2017
I voluntarily reviewed an 'Advance Author’s Copy' of this book. Wow, just wow. I love the structure it was written in, and the 3 person point of view changing added to the story for me. This books shows the true colors of friendship, hows that there are many different kinds of soul mates. Michael and Ryan were soul mates just as much as Jayson and Ryan were. This is about both physical and emotional scars. Abuse is a living breathing thing all on its own, and even when it's over and the situation has passed its not really over. We're all in this together, and your'e not alone. This is a tough read and this is a serious situation but it is heart warming and beautiful also. I already want to re-read it. Another great one Tyler.
April 24, 2017
How can I put this to make you understand? I'm just going to throw it out there because I need to get it out - this is not only a book that you need to read, it's a book that you should read, a book that you have to read - because it's relevant, because it's meaningful, because it's important. Is it hard? Definitely. But there is reward from that difficulty. Not the reward of getting through the book. No. I'm talking about the reward of learning something, something that will mean something to you, something that you'll maybe want to help with or maybe not but at least now you'll know. And the more people who know - the more there are who can and will help. This book will not only change your heart, it just might change your life.
I was given an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I was given an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
May 31, 2017
This was a good but emotionally draining book. Please read the warnings before you read this story.
September 20, 2017
I'm a little frustrated. I just wrote an entire review on this book but it was erased.
So in short this book was a hard read but it was a good read.
So in short this book was a hard read but it was a good read.
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