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The Chronicles of St Mary's #7.7
Desiccated Water
Desiccated Water
I was on my way to Peterson’s office for our Friday afternoon meeting. The one where he opens out a bottle of wine, I get out the glasses, and we both put our feet up and have a huge moan about the previous week. Sometimes the meetings are quite long.
Anyway, I was making my way around the gallery, juggling the half dozen or so files I’d brought with me as camouflage – because it doesn’t do the other ranks any good at all to see a couple of senior officers setting a bad example – although, to be fair, most people were outside watching the Security and Technical Sections eviscerate each other in the name of sport – when Professor Rapson erupted – literally – from his lab shouting, ‘Eureka!’
He was fully clothed. Trust me – it was the first thing I checked.
I said, ‘Good afternoon professor,’ because that’s how Markham would do it. Apparently now he’s Head of Security, standards must be maintained. What sort of standards of course, he never says.
‘Ah Max. Good news. I’ve done it.’
‘So I gathered, professor. Jolly well done.’
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I know it’s been a while but we got there in the end.’
‘Excellent news, professor’ I said, trying to ignore the glass of wine shaped hole in my life and failing dismally. ‘I look forward to reading your report.’
‘No, no, you don’t understand, Max. I’ve really done it.’
I stopped thinking about wine and concentrated. This was Professor Rapson after all. I asked the question I should have led with.
‘Exactly what have you done professor?’
‘Well, as you know Max, water is very heavy.’
I stared at him. He looked comparatively normal. His hair was standing on end. He had a huge acid burn on one sleeve of his lab coat of which he appeared
completely oblivious and was wearing one brown and one black shoe, so as I said – normal.
He was, however, waving around a beaker of clear fluid. I stepped back because it could be anything. The Elixir of Life. Cerebral brain fluid – although if it was his it would probably be a little murkier. An untraceable deadly poison that would kill us all in seconds. Anything, really.
He raised the beaker to his lips and drank deeply. I braced myself but nothing dreadful seemed to happen to him.
‘Water, Max. Water. I’ve done it.’ He raised the empty beaker. I half expected a flash of lightning and shouts of ‘It’s alive! It’s alive!’ but that usually relates to Markham.
‘What were you expecting, professor?’
‘Well, water, obviously, Max.’
Never had a glass of wine seemed so far away.
‘Professor, please tell me – what is the project you’ve been working on?’
‘Oh yes, of course. Well, as I said, Max, water is heavy. Leon’s always complaining about the weight of the tanks and how that messes up his calculations and he’s right so I thought I’d have a go.’
‘At what, professor?’
‘Desiccated water.’
Oh God ...
‘What?’
‘Desiccated water, Max. Powdered water. The answer to all our problems. We reduce water down to a fine powder, bag it up in plastic and hey presto, portable water. No more tanks, no more heavy water bottles – just stick a couple of packs in your supplies and away you go. Small packs for your pocket. Something larger if you want a bath. Simple. Quick. Easy. Convenient.’
‘Wow,’ I said. ‘That’s brilliant professor. Well done.’
‘Thank you,’ he said modestly. ’I’m just off to show Chief Farrell.’
‘He’ll be thrilled,’ I said, happily sacrificing Leon’s Friday afternoon, but wine deprivation can do that to a girl. ‘You must give him a complete demonstration. Several, in fact.’
‘I will,’ he said, hair standing even more on end as he prepared to depart at top speed.
‘Just one question, professor.’
‘Mm?’
‘How do you reconstitute the powder?’
‘What?’
‘The powder. How exactly do you reconstitute desiccated water?’
‘Oh, that’s easy.’
‘’Yes?
He regarded me as an idiot.
‘You just add water.’
I was on my way to Peterson’s office for our Friday afternoon meeting. The one where he opens out a bottle of wine, I get out the glasses, and we both put our feet up and have a huge moan about the previous week. Sometimes the meetings are quite long.
Anyway, I was making my way around the gallery, juggling the half dozen or so files I’d brought with me as camouflage – because it doesn’t do the other ranks any good at all to see a couple of senior officers setting a bad example – although, to be fair, most people were outside watching the Security and Technical Sections eviscerate each other in the name of sport – when Professor Rapson erupted – literally – from his lab shouting, ‘Eureka!’
He was fully clothed. Trust me – it was the first thing I checked.
I said, ‘Good afternoon professor,’ because that’s how Markham would do it. Apparently now he’s Head of Security, standards must be maintained. What sort of standards of course, he never says.
‘Ah Max. Good news. I’ve done it.’
‘So I gathered, professor. Jolly well done.’
‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I know it’s been a while but we got there in the end.’
‘Excellent news, professor’ I said, trying to ignore the glass of wine shaped hole in my life and failing dismally. ‘I look forward to reading your report.’
‘No, no, you don’t understand, Max. I’ve really done it.’
I stopped thinking about wine and concentrated. This was Professor Rapson after all. I asked the question I should have led with.
‘Exactly what have you done professor?’
‘Well, as you know Max, water is very heavy.’
I stared at him. He looked comparatively normal. His hair was standing on end. He had a huge acid burn on one sleeve of his lab coat of which he appeared
completely oblivious and was wearing one brown and one black shoe, so as I said – normal.
He was, however, waving around a beaker of clear fluid. I stepped back because it could be anything. The Elixir of Life. Cerebral brain fluid – although if it was his it would probably be a little murkier. An untraceable deadly poison that would kill us all in seconds. Anything, really.
He raised the beaker to his lips and drank deeply. I braced myself but nothing dreadful seemed to happen to him.
‘Water, Max. Water. I’ve done it.’ He raised the empty beaker. I half expected a flash of lightning and shouts of ‘It’s alive! It’s alive!’ but that usually relates to Markham.
‘What were you expecting, professor?’
‘Well, water, obviously, Max.’
Never had a glass of wine seemed so far away.
‘Professor, please tell me – what is the project you’ve been working on?’
‘Oh yes, of course. Well, as I said, Max, water is heavy. Leon’s always complaining about the weight of the tanks and how that messes up his calculations and he’s right so I thought I’d have a go.’
‘At what, professor?’
‘Desiccated water.’
Oh God ...
‘What?’
‘Desiccated water, Max. Powdered water. The answer to all our problems. We reduce water down to a fine powder, bag it up in plastic and hey presto, portable water. No more tanks, no more heavy water bottles – just stick a couple of packs in your supplies and away you go. Small packs for your pocket. Something larger if you want a bath. Simple. Quick. Easy. Convenient.’
‘Wow,’ I said. ‘That’s brilliant professor. Well done.’
‘Thank you,’ he said modestly. ’I’m just off to show Chief Farrell.’
‘He’ll be thrilled,’ I said, happily sacrificing Leon’s Friday afternoon, but wine deprivation can do that to a girl. ‘You must give him a complete demonstration. Several, in fact.’
‘I will,’ he said, hair standing even more on end as he prepared to depart at top speed.
‘Just one question, professor.’
‘Mm?’
‘How do you reconstitute the powder?’
‘What?’
‘The powder. How exactly do you reconstitute desiccated water?’
‘Oh, that’s easy.’
‘’Yes?
He regarded me as an idiot.
‘You just add water.’
1 pages, Audiobook
First published April 1, 2017
9 people are currently reading
2078 people want to read
About the author
Jodi Taylor
84 books5,392 followersJodi Taylor is the internationally bestselling author of the Chronicles of St Mary's series, the story of a bunch of disaster prone individuals who investigate major historical events in contemporary time. Do NOT call it time travel! She is also the author of the Time Police series - a St Mary's spinoff and gateway into the world of an all-powerful, international organisation who are NOTHING like St Mary's. Except, when they are.
Alongside these, Jodi is known for her gripping supernatural thrillers featuring Elizabeth Cage together with the enchanting Frogmorton Farm series - a fairy story for adults.
Born in Bristol and now living in Gloucester (facts both cities vigorously deny), she spent many years with her head somewhere else, much to the dismay of family, teachers and employers, before finally deciding to put all that daydreaming to good use and write a novel. Over twenty books later, she still has no idea what she wants to do when she grows up.
Alongside these, Jodi is known for her gripping supernatural thrillers featuring Elizabeth Cage together with the enchanting Frogmorton Farm series - a fairy story for adults.
Born in Bristol and now living in Gloucester (facts both cities vigorously deny), she spent many years with her head somewhere else, much to the dismay of family, teachers and employers, before finally deciding to put all that daydreaming to good use and write a novel. Over twenty books later, she still has no idea what she wants to do when she grows up.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 99 reviews
April 23, 2017
When does a short story become a good joke? When Jodi Taylor writes it. :)
Short short short story, but who cares!
It perfectly encapsulates Professor Rapson.
Scarily so. :)
Short short short story, but who cares!
It perfectly encapsulates Professor Rapson.
Scarily so. :)
April 23, 2017
BWAHAHAHAHA. As short stories go, this one is VERY short. But since it's got Professor Rapson in it, it's beyond hilarious. Very well done (and just what I needed to steel myself against the heartache that book #8 will induce).
Can't exactly tell oyu what it's about, that would already spoiler too much. But by rule of thumb I'd say: make sure you have a glass of wine.
You can find it here for free: http://www.jodi-taylor.com/?p=698
Can't exactly tell oyu what it's about, that would already spoiler too much. But by rule of thumb I'd say: make sure you have a glass of wine.
You can find it here for free: http://www.jodi-taylor.com/?p=698
March 28, 2018
LOL Gotta love Rapson.
March 25, 2018
I saw that ending from a mile away but still laughed. And now I can't stop smiling so I suggest to all of the disaster magnets out there to read it.
April 24, 2017
It might be one page short, but Jodi Taylor still managed to make me laugh out loud. To anyone casually reading this, this short shorter (shortest?) story, it would seem that we have all lost our minds, because without the intimate knowledge of all the characters involved (and those referenced) all of the humor is lost. But for those who have devoured all the previous stories, and found that they were aching for more, this brilliant scene feels like a drop of water when you're stranded in the dessert and just about ready to kick the bucket.
I'll stop now, or the review will end up longer than the story...
5 stars for instantly teleporting me back to the crazy world that is St. Mary's.
I'll stop now, or the review will end up longer than the story...
5 stars for instantly teleporting me back to the crazy world that is St. Mary's.
January 6, 2018
Read all my reviews on http://urlphantomhive.booklikes.com
I'm a big fan of Jodi Taylor's St. Mary's series so this very short, free story was something I had to read. It is really, really short, so don't expect to much, except the nice feeling any St. Mary's story conveys to me. Also, it really captures the characters is a great way.
I'm a big fan of Jodi Taylor's St. Mary's series so this very short, free story was something I had to read. It is really, really short, so don't expect to much, except the nice feeling any St. Mary's story conveys to me. Also, it really captures the characters is a great way.
April 18, 2017
How does she do it? Where do these characters come from? It's a short, short conversation between Max and Professor Rapson. As usual clever and funny and over too quickly. Google it because you won't find it for sale anywhere. Worth the time to find!
October 22, 2017
Very short but cheeky.
March 18, 2020
Short story, small joke!
November 17, 2021
Short and sweet, always fun at St Mary's.
April 16, 2023
Super short. Super fun.
March 22, 2025
Definitely a short story 😁
April 19, 2021
Hahaha a short story that is hilarious and pure St Mary’s silliness and therefore perfect!
March 22, 2018
very quick and funny short story on the authors blog. loved it!
February 26, 2018
Just a (very) short conversation between Max and Professor Rapson. It's cute, but kind of the whole time I was just wanting more on her meeting with Peterson, haha!
February 9, 2018
Very short. Very funny.
November 12, 2017
Jodi Taylor reads this herself on her website and loved her Home Counties accent.
A great story of Max trying to sneak off for a crafty wine and gossip with Peterson when she runs into Dr Rapson and another dreaded invention.
A great story of Max trying to sneak off for a crafty wine and gossip with Peterson when she runs into Dr Rapson and another dreaded invention.
April 9, 2017
Very short, but fun. I can't wait for the next full length book.
August 15, 2019
I loved this. As short dialogues go, this was just gold St Marys!
July 1, 2017
Hilarious.
July 2, 2017
Slightly out of order, but I needed a pick me up this morning and a St Mary's short story or two seemed like an ideal solution! And this was lovely - short, but sweet and with a lovely pay off.
December 30, 2017
Very short and you can only find it on the author's website. It's not a book, but a blog post.
December 27, 2017
Best Prof Rapson joke of entire series. Beautiful vignette for fans
December 27, 2017
cute, funny and very very short.
August 1, 2022
3.5 stars
I've written twitter threads longer than this story. It's a nice little sound bite from the St. Mary's headquarters, but the sole punchline won't be that memorable.
5.0 —One of the best I've ever read. Will be burned into my brain. Couldn't care less about weaknesses (if any). Would recommend to everyone and their mother.
4.5 —Loved this read. Will remember it fondly. Few weaknesses. Would recommend to anyone.
4.0 —Enjoyed this read. Will remember it fondly. Minor weaknesses. Would recommend to fans of the genre.
▌3.5 —Somewhat enjoyed this read. Might be memorable. Notable weaknesses. Would recommend to fans of the genre.
3.0 —Somewhat enjoyed this read. Not very memorable. Notable weaknesses. Would recommend to people who like similar books.
2.5 —Neutral or Underwhelming read. Not very memorable. Significant weaknesses. Would recommend to people who like similar books.
2.0 —Underwhelming or unenjoyable read. Not very memorable or memorable for the wrong reasons. Significant weaknesses. Might recommend to people who like similar books.
1.5 —Unenjoyable read. Not very memorable or memorable for bad reasons. Major weaknesses. Probably wouldn't recommend.
1.0 —I wish I never wasted minutes of my life on this trash. I would go out of my way to convince others not to read it.
I've written twitter threads longer than this story. It's a nice little sound bite from the St. Mary's headquarters, but the sole punchline won't be that memorable.
5.0 —One of the best I've ever read. Will be burned into my brain. Couldn't care less about weaknesses (if any). Would recommend to everyone and their mother.
4.5 —Loved this read. Will remember it fondly. Few weaknesses. Would recommend to anyone.
4.0 —Enjoyed this read. Will remember it fondly. Minor weaknesses. Would recommend to fans of the genre.
▌3.5 —Somewhat enjoyed this read. Might be memorable. Notable weaknesses. Would recommend to fans of the genre.
3.0 —Somewhat enjoyed this read. Not very memorable. Notable weaknesses. Would recommend to people who like similar books.
2.5 —Neutral or Underwhelming read. Not very memorable. Significant weaknesses. Would recommend to people who like similar books.
2.0 —Underwhelming or unenjoyable read. Not very memorable or memorable for the wrong reasons. Significant weaknesses. Might recommend to people who like similar books.
1.5 —Unenjoyable read. Not very memorable or memorable for bad reasons. Major weaknesses. Probably wouldn't recommend.
1.0 —I wish I never wasted minutes of my life on this trash. I would go out of my way to convince others not to read it.
April 17, 2024
Not that funny! A bit on the thin side actually, both in length and content wise.
Many years ago, I listened to an American stand-up guy called Steven Wright He told strange jokes like "A friend of mine sent me a picture of the entire earth. On the back he wrote - Wish you were here" and "I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house" (Add your own ha ha)
He also told this one. "I bought some powered water, but I didn't know what to add" Remind you of something???
Now - This Desiccated Water, short-story was indeed a Short Story. I may be even shorter than Andy Weir's "The Egg" which was indeed a short story. I mean - I have written thank-you letters to my Aunt Mildred, for hideous knitted Sweaters, at Christmas, that were longer than "Desiccated Water"
I love The Chronicles of St Mary's stories - a LOT, but this one was not only un-original, but not that funny either. AND, it could have been written even shorter, as you see above.
Many years ago, I listened to an American stand-up guy called Steven Wright He told strange jokes like "A friend of mine sent me a picture of the entire earth. On the back he wrote - Wish you were here" and "I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house" (Add your own ha ha)
He also told this one. "I bought some powered water, but I didn't know what to add" Remind you of something???
Now - This Desiccated Water, short-story was indeed a Short Story. I may be even shorter than Andy Weir's "The Egg" which was indeed a short story. I mean - I have written thank-you letters to my Aunt Mildred, for hideous knitted Sweaters, at Christmas, that were longer than "Desiccated Water"
I love The Chronicles of St Mary's stories - a LOT, but this one was not only un-original, but not that funny either. AND, it could have been written even shorter, as you see above.
October 23, 2019
Sweet short story that made me laugh - you can read it for free on the author's website:
link here
Great way of getting started with the series again. It's been ages since I read Lies, Damned Lies, and History.
link here
Great way of getting started with the series again. It's been ages since I read Lies, Damned Lies, and History.
October 28, 2018
This is part of the 'Chronicles of St Mary's' series. If you don't know it, start with book #1, Just One Damned Thing After Another, which is amazing.
It's essentially a one-line joke. You may as well go read it, because it's not much longer than this review. It's available on Jodi's website here:
http://www.jodi-taylor.com/?p=698
It's essentially a one-line joke. You may as well go read it, because it's not much longer than this review. It's available on Jodi's website here:
http://www.jodi-taylor.com/?p=698
February 23, 2023
Erm i’m not sure how to rate this short story at all. It was super short, like the whole story is in the blurb on goodreads. It was also really strange and I didn’t get it, so I don’t think I liked it. I don’t want to rate negatively though as I love this series and I think i’m maybe missing something
Displaying 1 - 30 of 99 reviews