Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy

by Manjusha Pawagi

Manjusha Pawagi, a successful family court judge, has written a not-so-typical memoir about her experience with cancer. Wryly funny and stubbornly hopeful, this is her quirky take on what it’s like to face your own mortality when, to be honest, you thought you’d live forever. She describes how even the darkest moments of life can be made worse with roommates; details how much determination it takes to ignore the statistics; and answers the age-old question: what does it take to get a banana popsicle around here?

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada, Biography, Medicine

288 pages, Paperback

First published October 10, 2017

Reviews

[Esil · Rating 5 out of 5]

No question this was a 5 star read for me! Manjusha Pawagi was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukaemia in 2014. She was 47 years old, the mother of 11 year old twins, and a judge in the Ontario Court of Justice. Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy is the memoir of her two years following the diagnosis. It is honest, painful and funny. It's a loving tribute to her family, friends and caregivers. And it avoids all of the potential pitfalls of such memoirs -- it isn't overly self-deprecating or self-aggrandizing, and it doesn't try to convey big life messages but does convey so much about real life. And it's so well written -- Pawagi moves so comfortably from anecdotes to feelings to reflections about the world to dream states, and she does so with a wry sense of humour and graceful confidence. Obviously, Pawagi could not have written this memoir if she hadn't survived. But also this is very much the upbeat memoir of someone celebrating survival. Highly recommended to anyone who likes personal memoirs. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy. I do hope this one will be available to readers outside of Canada.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s a rare book that can wring both laughs and (mostly happy) tears out of a cancer ordeal. I read a lot of books about illness, death and dying – subjects I can appreciate aren’t for anyone. Maybe you think it’d be too depressing to read a book whose author dies at the end. If that’s the case, let me heartily recommend this to you alongside A Series of Catastrophes and Miracles by Mary Elizabeth Williams. Both give a sort of Everywoman perspective on the cancer experience and rebuilding life on the other side.

Pawagi is a family court judge and mother of twin teenagers in Toronto. She was diagnosed with leukemia in April 2014, went through two intensive rounds of chemotherapy, and then had a stem cell transplant from a donor from the South Asian immigrant community six months later. This is a warts-and-all account of the treatment process – if it hurt, if she wept into her pillow at night, if she felt like crap, she says so. Though not entirely without self-pity, the book transforms such feelings through a wry, atheist’s “why not me?” approach:

“while I do not believe in God, I do believe in justice”

“I want to wake up and be a judge again, not an overgrown diapered baby.”

“Hell is other people…in the hospital bed next to yours.”

“my head wrapped in a bright silk scarf, my face round and puffy from the steroids. I am pitied, I am admired. I am doomed, I am destined. I am battered, I am beautiful. I am cursed, I am blessed. I hum with possibility, good and bad. I am assigned virtues, I am forgiven sins. … I can see people trying to work out if I am the luckiest or the unluckiest person they know.”

Her Caring Bridge website was where she let out her feelings and connected with loved ones, a sort of trial run for this book. In the lovely last chapter, she meets her donor, a young man in New York City, and his relatives, two years after her transplant and realizes that she’s unwittingly acquired not just a blood brother but a whole new extended family. They may be clichés but they’re completely true in this case: this is a heart-warming and life-affirming read, and with any luck will encourage more people to become blood and organ donors. (See also this interview with Pawagi at Foreword Reviews.)

A version of this review originally appeared on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides tremendous first hand insight into the trials and tribulations of one very sick cancer patient who lives through the agony of chemotherapy, radiation and stem cell transplants. Why would you want to read about that?! The answer is simply that you will be a better friend and better family support to those who have cancer or any type of illness after reading this book. And, although Manjusha, the patient and author, is brutally honest about both the physical and mental anguish of the disease and her treatments, she is also delightful and witty as she shares her story. As I turned each page I wanted to know more. I was reminded to always follow the lead of the patient - it's not about what I think I should say or do - it's about what the patient needs and wants. And for all of us who love books you'll be glad to know this author does as well and that she shares some of her favorites books and quotes with us through her journey.

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me an ARC and giving me the opportunity to read this book and provide this honest feedback.

[Nigel · Rating 3 out of 5]

In brief - A personal and interesting story of cancer diagnosis and its treatment. I found it an easy and thought provoking read. 3.5/5 I think.

This book has humour and a lightness in it for such a dark topic. I found it very easy to read and very quickly become absorbed in it. This is Manjusha's story of her cancer - Leukaemia. There is disbelief initially followed by a long process of treatment. This includes a full stem cell transplant which I found very interesting. The lack of donors on a worldwide basis apparently leads Manjusha to campaign for awareness. However the treatment is no panacea and there are real dangers involved.
There is enough medical information about both the treatment and the condition to satisfy those who are interested. However the key aspect of this book is how Manjusha felt about the impact and the things that happened to her both minor and major.
The story is told in a very matter of fact way. Manjusha manages to create the feeling of real surprise at times. She also comes over as a very real character. In the end this is an extremely personal story and it is hard to criticise the open honesty of her writing. It should be of interest to many people who have involvement with this type of cancer and its treatment.

Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review.
http://viewson.org.uk/non-fiction/lov...

[Jill Dobbe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Manjusha's experience with cancer, chemotherapy, and a stem cell implant is one of those great reads that will stay with you for a long, long time. The book is her incredible story of receiving painful cancer treatments, surviving long stays in the hospital, submitting to chemotherapy, obtaining a donor's stem cells, and eventually gaining her health back. Her incredible story also revolves around her husband's, friends' and family's constant support, and most gratifying of all (and now I'm getting the goose bumps back that I got at the end of her book), was the opportunity to finally meet her donor and his family.

Manjusha's writing hooked me from the very beginning. It is informative and gives great detail on the medical side. Manjusha also writes about her fears, feelings, and heartache about getting cancer. This is not a depressing book however, when you realize how much she went through. It is actually an uplifting story (and yes, there's a happy ending), and the writing is candid, and even humorous, at times. I highly recommend this wonderful read. Thank you for telling your story, Manjusha.

I received this book through Netgalley.

[Lisa the Tech · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our family had a couple of difficult times this past fall. With these times in mind, I found myself looking for books about illness and grieving. Manjusha's search for a banana pudding pop reminded me of all the times my mom asked for ice chips and an unmashed banana during her stay in the hospital. It is a poignant little book and I feel like I've become a better person for having read it.

4.5 stars.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Manjusa Pawagi was in the prime of life: 47 years old, mother to 11-year old twins, with a rewarding career as a judge in the Court of Justice in Ontario, Canada. Then, in 2014 she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia, and this book is her memoir of the two years following that diagnosis.

I have two a good friend who is battling multiple myeloma and recently had a stem cell transplant. Like Pawagi, she has written about her battle with humor and honesty – and, also like Pawagi, she can be very funny.

I lop0ve stories celebrating survival, and appreciate the forthright way this book faces difficult truths. Unlike some other “survival stories,” this is not at all faith based. In fact, she tells us in Chapter 7, “ I’m an atheist too, but I’m firmly convinced that if I turn out to be wrong and there is a God, and all the accompanying heaven/hell thing, I am definitely going to heaven. I have no theological basis for this, but I know it would be ridiculously unfair if I were barred because of what I consider to be a mere technicality, which I equate to the minor procedural irregularities I see in court all the time, and which I either ignore or patch up after the fact in some way. Because, while I do not believe in God, I do believe in justice’

Thanks to NetGalley and Second Story Press for the opportunity to read this in return for my honest review. Four enthusiastic stars.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley, Second Story Press and the author Manjusha for allowing me to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

As much as I would like to call Manjusha inspirational, I don’t think she would thank me for it! She didn’t write this book to be thought of as brave or as some sort of warrior, she wrote it because actually she’s a really good writer who wanted to tell a story……a good story! Which is exactly what she’s done! Well that’s my interpretation.

Her story is of getting through each day in the face of cancer and the affects her treatment has on her and her family. Whilst her illness is obviously profoundly life changing and ultimately changed her as a person she details her journey so beautifully that it is clear she is one hell of a fighter.

I hope this isn’t her only book as I would love to read more from her.

Five stars are not given easily away by me but if I could have given six for this, I would!

[Kirsty · Rating 4 out of 5]

It might seem an odd choice to read an illness narrative about leukaemia whilst on holiday, but I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of reading Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy. One cannot help but warm to Manjusha; she is honest, loving, and witty. Her narrative is factually informative, and this element has been balanced well with her own experiences of being incredibly sick, the treatments which she had to undergo, and the US hospital system in itself. Both heartening and heartbreaking, Love and Laughter... is packed with emotion, and is incredibly readable.

[Alena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this ebook complimentary from NetGalley. When I first saw the title, I was so intrigued and knew I had to read this memoir. As a person whose mother had breast cancer, I wanted to have some insight of how my mom could possibly be feeling at the time. Manjusha went through a lot more than my mother did - leukemia and needing chemotherapy, radiation, and a stem cell transplant, just to name a few. She talks about her feelings: depression, PTSD, anxiety, fear that she will not live long enough to see her children get married, fear that this will not work out and she will pass away. In addition to her feelings of despair, she talks about how loved she is and still manages to include her humor throughout the process. I loved how Manjusha was honest throughout her book and did not hide anything. I especially appreciated how she thought she was privileged with her connections to find a donor, and after careful thinking, she realized she truly was not and it was not a selfish act. A great read and I highly recommend it. I know I will pick up a print copy of the book once it comes out.

[Giuliana Guarna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book pre publication via NetGalley in exchange for a review.

Honestly, wow! It's so hard for me to put into words what a beautiful book this was. Manjusha was honest and vulnerable. She provided a wonderful glimpse into the trials and tribulations of going through such a devastating turn of events. I thought the addition of her blog posts were particularly poignant.

Many of these post-cancer/stroke/brain anuerysm/etc/etc books are too positive, too... I had this horrible thing happen and now I look at the world in a whole new light. While this is certainly a valid emotion and feeling, Manjusha also wasn't afraid to keep it real - whether she was showing moments of selfishness or growth it was such a beautiful retelling of the true roller coaster of emotions one must feel as they experience a new cancer diagnosis.

As a current medical student I will cherish the lessons that I can take from this book as I interact with my future patients. Thank you sincerely Majusha for such a wonderful novel, I hope that you continue to publish in the future.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a book I could associate with having had cancer and all of the treatment that goes with it. People think that a cancer ward is a sad place but this often is not the case and us patients can laugh at ourselves, our hairloss, the constant peeing when the chemotherapy drug is entering our system and in some cases ( mine anyway) a tingly feeling down below which made me giggle loudly on the ward and lots of other things in which others will think quite bizarre.

This is a personal story which is very interesting as well as some fun too. The book made me cry in parts yet in others it was uplifting. The lady is one tough cookie and this book is one that really needs to be read by everyone so they to can get a true idea of cancer treatment.
Thank you to the Publisher and Netgalley for the arc

[Maria Elmvang · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book! I'd recommend this to anybody, no matter whether or not they've had their lives touched by cancer.

It's a very poignant and real book. Manjusha allows the reader an insight into an experience they will hopefully never have to go through themselves, and while Manjusha is undoubtedly one of the lucky ones (she survived!) it still served as a chilling reminder of how cancer effects not just the patient, but everybody around.

I find it wrong to say that I "liked" the book, but I had a very hard time putting it down, and it is one of those powerful books that stay with you for a long time after finishing it.

[Kathleen Duffy · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my former friends from childhood passed last month after battling leukemia. Her fight -- updated often on Facebook -- propelled me to request this memoir on NetGalley. It is a truly lovely, motivational, honest read. I appreciated the author's candor in the face of awful pain, worrisome odds, and sometimes even the inability to move her body. It provided an insider's look into a scary cancer fight that ended in her favor. All the best to you, Manjusha! Thanks for sharing your story.

*Read via NetGalley.

[Ampersand Inc. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is Manjusha Pawagi’s memoir about her 2 ½ year journey and battle with leukemia. It’s an inspiring read and full of laughter, humour, and hope despite the dark days of chemo and radiation treatments. Manjusha is a remarkable lady and not afraid to tell it like it is!

[Patrick Hanlon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not the type of book I would gravitate to on my own but found the read engaging throughout and find myself more motivated to register for a bone marrow registry. An honest read and a strong contribution to this genre of literature.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

All my reviews can be found at: http://jessicasreadingroom.com
~~~~~~~~~
The title and cover of Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy caught my attention. The title is catchy and I wondered why does the cover have a popsicle? This is a candid memoir of Manjusha Pawagi. A Canadian judge who was born in India, she tells it like it is as she gives you her experience with leukemia. She leaves no tale untold, all the way down to the description of the ileostomy bags.

She is very detailed in her journey as she faces her many fears. My husband battled cancer as a teenager and this gives me an idea of what he went through. He fought a different cancer than Pawagi had, but it gives the reader an idea of the struggle all cancer patients go through. A cancer ward has to be a very difficult place to work and visit.

Pawagi is a minority of South Asian descent and you learn how hard it is to find a match for stem cells as according to the memoir ¾ of donors are Caucasian. She says that only 4% of donors are South Asian and most likely her donor would have to come from the Indian state of Maharashtra where she is from. Finding a donor is difficult in the first place and many people wait and unfortunately never find their match. Being a minority makes it more difficult. More people should sign up to be donors!

Pawagi also gives humor in this memoir. She talks about wanting a banana popsicle (so that’s where the cover comes in!) and still eating bacon. She feels that if she stops eating bacon, then cancer wins. We can’t let that happen, keep eating and enjoying bacon!

Please note that Pawagi’s journey is not a faith based journey. She is an atheist and this does not change. She is convinced that she will go to Heaven: ‘I’m an atheist too, but I’m firmly convinced that if I turn out to be wrong and there is a God, and all the accompanying heaven/hell thing, I am definitely going to heaven. I have no theological basis for this, but I know it would be ridiculously unfair if I were barred because of what I consider to be a mere technicality, which I equate to the minor procedural irregularities I see in court all the time, and which I either ignore or patch up after the fact in some way. Because, while I do not believe in God, I do believe in justice’ (Chapter Seven). As a believer myself, I can’t agree with her thoughts on this issue. But this is her memoir to tell as she sees fit and she is free to believe or not believe as she wishes.

Earlier in her book she talks about her son’s journal in school and that he took it seriously and wrote down everything he did. He wrote so much that the teacher set a three page a week limit on the journals and would stop reading at three pages no matter how much was written. She says: ‘I will try not to inflict so much on my own readers, but just like Jack’s teacher, you are free to stop reading at any point (Chapter Five). I like her and her attitude, though it is hard to say I ‘enjoyed’ her memoir as it is a about a battle with cancer.

Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy is recommended.

Thank you to NetGalley and Second Story Press for granting me an e-arc copy!

[Shruti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir of Manjusha’s journey after being diagnosed with cancer. In this book, she doesn’t hold back. She takes the reader out for a spin, through the cancer ward. She gives out all the details about the disease, including whole paragraphs about mutations, chromosomes, and a square dance.

But, this is not all this book is about. She talks about weird roommates in the cancer ward, craving a banana popsicle, and grappling with facing her mortality. As one of the reviewers remark, this book is both heartbreaking and uplifting. It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me want to get to talk to Manjusha for 2 minutes. And, I mean Manjusha the author, not Manjusha the cancer survivor. This book is not all about the disease, and that’s exactly why I loved it. In between no-holds-barred explanations about ileostomy bags, she also tells us how she tried to set up her doctor with a friend.

She’s humorous and she’s philosophical. This could be just me, but I felt that some of her opinions about life and hope are extremely relatable. Look at this little gem:

“You think that if you are prepared for a catastrophe, it will not happen. I think of it in terms of circumvention. Because the gods don’t like it when your expectations are met, you trick them, by expecting something bad.”

Manjusha Pawaji writes her story with a brilliant sense of humor, and I would recommend this book to everyone. I believe that she was brave to battle cancer and I’m happy she’s alright now. As it’s said in the closing chapters in the book, “It’s just a bunch of stuff that happened.” So, thank you, Manjusha, for sharing with us the tale of a bunch of stuff that happened to you.

Originally posted on This is Lit - Book Blog.

[Cheriee Weichel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir by Manjusha Pawagi deals with the time she was diagnosed with leukaemia and the treatment regime she had to endure to get rid of it. It's loaded with gruesome details, truly wretched experiences and episodes of black humour. I knew that the treatment for cancer was harsh, but before reading this book, I really didn't understand what that looked and felt like.
It is beautifully written. I stopped and wrote out a number of passages.
Throughout this memoir, what struck me most was the strength of the relationships she began with, and those she forged during her horrific marathon. I leave you with this quote from the book.

“ Love is not a tree, because trees die. Love is a rock. And not stone that crumbles into dust. It’s the Canadian Shield itself, granite as old is the Earth, solid and unwavering beneath my weak and unsteady feet.”

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Majusha Pawagi has written beautifully and honestly of her experience suffering from Leukemia. Chemo is horrible, no surprise there, but Ms. Pawagi's memoir illustrates the extreme brutality of her particular form of cancer. This eye opening memoir is also worth reading for its insights into the health care system in Toronto/Ontario - from the patient perspective. Her anecdotes about hospitals - and how incondusive they are to convalescing - ring true. The author's honesty really comes through when she calls out the crazy notion that this suffering can make one a better person. She questions that: Why should it? How could it? Ms. Pawagi's memoir the stupidity of such questions, when just getting through such a trial and out the other side is enough.

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do note read Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy on an airplane! It will make you laugh and cry out loud which is both embarrassing for you and uncomfortable for the person sitting beside you! I don't normally react to books in a noticeable way, but this book really touched me. Not only is it beautifully written, it shares some important insights into the medical system and the treatment of cancer. It also gives patients a strong measure of hope while dishing out a realistic view of the worst moments of life. Just skip reading it on an airplane....it is more of a beach book anyway! Enjoy!

[Zee Monodee · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a cancer survivor myself, I have this almost masochist tendency to want to read the tirals and tribulations of other people who have been through cancer (yeah, going through it 1st person wasn't enough, LOL). Ms. Pawaji and I didn't have the same kind of cancer, but hey, cancer is cancer at the bottom line, and there are these universal aspects and questions everyone struck with cancer will ask at some point. As such, this is one good book re: authenticity and what it really feels like to go through that little slice of Hell.

[Seema · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautifully written memoir of a cancer survivor. She writes with humour and poignancy about her ordeal with leukemia over two years. I really liked how she kept it real when describing her fears and frustrations along the way. She has a droll way of describing the horrific situations she finds herself in, in the hospital. Her family and friends obviously form the Love part of the story. The book is moving and insightful.

[Fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review to follow

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written story.

[Nancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I cannot comment on the representation of this particular individual's experience, May her recovery be complete!

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could someone email me the paperwork to nominate a saint? I’m going to be the first one to nominate Simon. Anybody to second my nomination? (Yes. I know the author/ Manjusha Pawagi is an atheist.)

There is quite of complaining about complainers. Reread section 11 where the author writes “we choose to be happy”.

Yes, there are some funny lines; especially if you like dry sarcasm.

Chapter 18/section 19 Poor Simon (the husband) also had surgery to have his thyroid removed with pre-cancerous cells in the midst Manjusha’s stem cell transplant preparation. I don’t recall any follow up on Simons thyroid and I wonder if he had any challenges and how he is doing. Simon meticulously writes down Manjusha’s medicines; in Manjusha’s journal she is listing potential vacation destinations. The authors focus is constantly only entirely on her.

Chapter 17/Section 18 indicates that there were a couple potential stem cell matches 9 ; but the donor said that they told him that he was the only match.


An Advance Read copy of Love and Laughter in the Time of Chemotherapy was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you. The audio version was review; it was read by the author Manjusha Pawagi, who did a great job narrating.

[Brittany]

DNF at 21%

Audiobook provided by NetGalley, but I couldn’t finish the book.

I could not connect with the author, even though she was the narrator. Our personalities seem almost complete opposites, and I couldn’t get past that.