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Horse Show Boyfriend: My Crazy Year on the Hunter/Jumper A-Circuit
I always knew my girlfriend was into riding, but it wasn't until we moved near Wellington, FL that I was unknowingly pulled into the vortex of the A-circuit hunter/jumper equestrian world. By the end of the Winter Equestrian Festival there, she had quit her job to visit horse shows all over the east coast and blog about them. I made the decision to go along and logged over 20 weeks at horse shows in 6 states, observing everything from FEI 5* Grand Prix events to Cleveland Bay classes. I realized eventually to justify it all, especially Pony Finals, I would need to write about my trip. This is an account of the places, horse shows, and the people I observed and experienced. It is written for those who want to know more about the sport, as well as for seasoned riders to read and give to friends and loved ones who think that they race horses.
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 1, 2017
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42 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
September 4, 2019
Horse Show Boyfriend is great—and it's like two books at the same time!
First of all, it's hilarious. Now, there's been a trend for awhile for people to write humorous takes on horse events or sports , and most of the time the books are mildly amusing at best, and pretty darn stupid at worst. This book is laugh out loud funny! I literally guffawed more than once. While some of it is Austin Bell poking fun, it's mostly his baffled perplexity and attempts to understand the world of horse showing in general, and hunter jumpers in particular (and this is what makes it hysterical!).
For those who don't follow him on social media, Austin accompanied his girlfriend Meg Banks as she traveled to horse shows all over the East Coast for her blog and Instagram accounts. Austin started a Twitter account with his Horse Show Boyfriend observations and after getting thousands of followers, decided to write this book. I now know that Austin finds Arabians terrifying, hopes never to have to be near a stallion, but has learned to be super brave around miniature horses. Equitation classes put him to sleep but he loves jump offs. He never EVER wants to go attend Pony Finals again, but he repeatedly visited the Paint-Your-Own-Model tent at BreyerFest. He twice made the point that “ponies” are NOT the same as baby horses, but are adult horses that are small, and repeatedly mentions that show jumping and horse racing are not the same thing (and that many outside the horse world don't understand this.) Austin...I somehow get the feeling you are trying to prevent other HSBs from making the same mistakes YOU made?
One of my favorite lines, discussing Pony Finals: “Horses are judged on conformation, soundness, how they move, and how mean they are. I made up one of those.”
In addition to all the humor, this book is, well and truly, an actual, helpful, manual to all things horse show. Someone who knew nothing and needed a quick education could read this book and not just be able to “fake it”, but would legitimately come away with an understanding of what happens in the various types of horse shows. And I don't mean just the bare “wikipedia” type facts, but the insider's perspective, the slang, who's hot, what's not, the fun, the crazy, the clothes, and the costs.
As a manual, the book is made up of two parts, the first one is The Sport, and it explains hunters, jumpers, and equitation, plus chapters on professionals, college equestrian teams, etc., and some of the costs involved. Austin offers tips for Horse Show Boyfriends—in Jumpers, for example, make sure you refer to jump heights as “meter fifty” and not “one point five meter”. In hunters, if you can't tell which are the last jumps in each round, wait for a trainer to start clapping before you do.
Part two is specifically about individual shows. Some of the ones with chapters dedicated to them are Wellington, Kentucky, Upperville, and Tryon. As the Horse Show Boyfriend, Austin's descriptions include all the information you absolutely need to know: How convenient is parking, is it easy for pedestrians to get around, are there enough bathrooms and are they porta potties or nice bathroom trailers, can you watch the Grand Prix for free, is there enough seating in the stadiums, are the bleachers shaded, what kind of food do they have?
There's a chapter about Young Riders and all of its divisions (jumpers, dressage, eventing, endurance, and reining). Austin clearly explains the Zones, teams, and scoring, and goes on to say that he didn't find the jumping division very exciting (like “something of a pillow fight”) and admits he is “not in any hurry to sit through another three days of watching risk-averse riding.”
There's a chapter on Pony Finals, which I found especially fascinating because it's always seemed somewhat bizarre and mysterious (do people really spend a half million on a pony that their child will only ride for one year??). My impression is that Pony Finals was the least enjoyable event for Austin by a long shot—he describes the hunter ring action as repetitive, never-ending, robotic, and confusing, and claims it's more suitable as a torture device than a spectator sport (I admit that the Pony Finals chapter made me laugh quite a bit!!)
There's much much more in this book, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I hope Austin Bell will continue to write—maybe he can spend a year traveling to racetracks, or breeding farms next! I would recommend this book for anyone who enjoys horse humor, ALL parents and significant others of riders, and anyone working or hoping to work in the horse industry.
First of all, it's hilarious. Now, there's been a trend for awhile for people to write humorous takes on horse events or sports , and most of the time the books are mildly amusing at best, and pretty darn stupid at worst. This book is laugh out loud funny! I literally guffawed more than once. While some of it is Austin Bell poking fun, it's mostly his baffled perplexity and attempts to understand the world of horse showing in general, and hunter jumpers in particular (and this is what makes it hysterical!).
For those who don't follow him on social media, Austin accompanied his girlfriend Meg Banks as she traveled to horse shows all over the East Coast for her blog and Instagram accounts. Austin started a Twitter account with his Horse Show Boyfriend observations and after getting thousands of followers, decided to write this book. I now know that Austin finds Arabians terrifying, hopes never to have to be near a stallion, but has learned to be super brave around miniature horses. Equitation classes put him to sleep but he loves jump offs. He never EVER wants to go attend Pony Finals again, but he repeatedly visited the Paint-Your-Own-Model tent at BreyerFest. He twice made the point that “ponies” are NOT the same as baby horses, but are adult horses that are small, and repeatedly mentions that show jumping and horse racing are not the same thing (and that many outside the horse world don't understand this.) Austin...I somehow get the feeling you are trying to prevent other HSBs from making the same mistakes YOU made?
One of my favorite lines, discussing Pony Finals: “Horses are judged on conformation, soundness, how they move, and how mean they are. I made up one of those.”
In addition to all the humor, this book is, well and truly, an actual, helpful, manual to all things horse show. Someone who knew nothing and needed a quick education could read this book and not just be able to “fake it”, but would legitimately come away with an understanding of what happens in the various types of horse shows. And I don't mean just the bare “wikipedia” type facts, but the insider's perspective, the slang, who's hot, what's not, the fun, the crazy, the clothes, and the costs.
As a manual, the book is made up of two parts, the first one is The Sport, and it explains hunters, jumpers, and equitation, plus chapters on professionals, college equestrian teams, etc., and some of the costs involved. Austin offers tips for Horse Show Boyfriends—in Jumpers, for example, make sure you refer to jump heights as “meter fifty” and not “one point five meter”. In hunters, if you can't tell which are the last jumps in each round, wait for a trainer to start clapping before you do.
Part two is specifically about individual shows. Some of the ones with chapters dedicated to them are Wellington, Kentucky, Upperville, and Tryon. As the Horse Show Boyfriend, Austin's descriptions include all the information you absolutely need to know: How convenient is parking, is it easy for pedestrians to get around, are there enough bathrooms and are they porta potties or nice bathroom trailers, can you watch the Grand Prix for free, is there enough seating in the stadiums, are the bleachers shaded, what kind of food do they have?
There's a chapter about Young Riders and all of its divisions (jumpers, dressage, eventing, endurance, and reining). Austin clearly explains the Zones, teams, and scoring, and goes on to say that he didn't find the jumping division very exciting (like “something of a pillow fight”) and admits he is “not in any hurry to sit through another three days of watching risk-averse riding.”
There's a chapter on Pony Finals, which I found especially fascinating because it's always seemed somewhat bizarre and mysterious (do people really spend a half million on a pony that their child will only ride for one year??). My impression is that Pony Finals was the least enjoyable event for Austin by a long shot—he describes the hunter ring action as repetitive, never-ending, robotic, and confusing, and claims it's more suitable as a torture device than a spectator sport (I admit that the Pony Finals chapter made me laugh quite a bit!!)
There's much much more in this book, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I hope Austin Bell will continue to write—maybe he can spend a year traveling to racetracks, or breeding farms next! I would recommend this book for anyone who enjoys horse humor, ALL parents and significant others of riders, and anyone working or hoping to work in the horse industry.
May 11, 2017
I wanted to like this much more than I did and I was anticipating this book release. I think it was written well, but it was not what I expected so I did not enjoy it as much as I had hoped. I suppose I was expecting more of a story. However, this book is a play by play of what happens broken up into the major "A" rated show series and there is a chapter on collegiate equestrian as well (each chapter is a different show). The chapters have humor mixed in with descriptions of who rides there, what the show grounds looks like, what types of classes there are, what the history is, etc.
Want to read
April 26, 2017This is your classic fish out of water story, or in this case, Oldenburg out of water jump story. I suddenly found myself thrust into the hunter/jumper world because of my girlfriend, attending shows in states I had never been to and watching day-long Pony Conformation classes. Slowly I came to learn about all the nuances of the community and felt it was my duty to try to explain it all.
For all the veterans of the A-circuit, I hope I get your sport and world right enough that you thrust this book into the hands of your friends and loved ones and say "here, this will finally help you understand I don't race horses." I certainly don't expect it to turn them in to Medal finals judges, but they may just refrain from congratulating you after your next 50 hunter round.
And if you have no connection to the hunter/jumper world like I did a short time ago, then jump down the rabbit hole with me and learn all about this crazy world you likely never imagined
For all the veterans of the A-circuit, I hope I get your sport and world right enough that you thrust this book into the hands of your friends and loved ones and say "here, this will finally help you understand I don't race horses." I certainly don't expect it to turn them in to Medal finals judges, but they may just refrain from congratulating you after your next 50 hunter round.
And if you have no connection to the hunter/jumper world like I did a short time ago, then jump down the rabbit hole with me and learn all about this crazy world you likely never imagined
August 5, 2017
It's a quick, entertaining read horse people can relate to
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews