Jessica Christ Volume 1: The Early Years

by H. Claire Taylor

God’s first daughter is going to school. Lord help her… NOTE: This volume contains the first three books of the Jessica Christ series, including ... Book 1: The Beginning
Book 2: And It Was Good
Book 3: It's a Miracle!
*Plus* the first chapter of Book 4: Nu Alpha Omega

The Beginning
Jessica McCloud knows first-hand that it’s tough to fit in when you’re God’s only begotten daughter. While she has the power to smite, and she’s privy to most of the juicy gossip in her West Texas town, nobody is knocking on her door with frankincense and myrrh. The Messiah-in-the-making still has to contend with algebra tests, her first crush, and menstrual cramps with the power to spark lightning storms…

As if dealing with her overbearing Father and a scheming preacher wasn’t enough, Jessica must face down the demons that lurk around every corner. No matter what she wants from life, everything seems to lead to a final showdown with the devil. The daughter of God has a choice: face the destiny thrust upon her or find some way to forge her own path…

And It Was Good
As she enters the uncharted territory of high school, Jessica McCloud could use a few more friends who believe in her. Of course, that means something entirely different for the daughter of God.

After her two-millennia-dead half-brother visits her in a dream and tells her it’s time for her to stop messing around, Jessica begins the hunt to discover what miracles she can perform. And if one of them happens to win the heart of her long-time crush, Greg, then so be it.

But when a reporter with a grudge against God catches wind of her first miracle, Jessica stumbles her way through one scandal after another until she wonders if the world wouldn’t be a much happier place with no miracles at all.

It's a Miracle!
Miracles happen when you least expect them. And if you’re Jessica McCloud, God’s only begotten daughter, they happen when you least want them. Is an uneventful senior year of high school too much for Jessica to hope for?

Yes. Yes it is.

Instead of focusing on college applications, Jessica must juggle Jimmy’s newest scheme, Eugene’s latest slander, and a gruesome (unpaid) internship at Midland Memorial Hospital. And just when she’s starting to get the hang of it, a serious PR blunder ignites a firestorm of brand new accusations.

It would take nothing short of a miracle for Jessica to come out on top this round, and she isn’t holding her breath…

Genres: Fantasy, Humor

749 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 4, 2017

About the author

Reader, PMS survivor, Texan, satirist, author of the Jessica Christ series and the Kilhaven Police series, podcaster, blogger and oversharer.

Send me book recommendations for humor, psychology/sociology (criminal is the most fun), indie publishing, artificial intelligence (not too technical; I'm an English major FFS), or marketing. Bonus points if you recommend something that's all of the above.

I read fantasy, sci-fi, and lit fic unless someone pushes it on me, at which point I rebel and make sure to never read that title. I don't understand it either.

Reviews

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jessica Christ Volume 1: The Early Years
(Jessica Christ #1-3)
by H. Claire Taylor
I love these books! I giggled all they way through them! It takes you through Jessica's birth to her high school years. Now she has such opposite parents! God talks to her and it is a hoot! Her mom is no Mary! It is a blast all through these three books! Hilarious! You think you had odd parents and trouble at school? Read this! Priceless!
If there was a God like this then I would be a follower! Lol!

[Murray · Rating 2 out of 5]

I personally rated this book 1.5 stars, but since I read it all the way through and downloaded it for free from the Kindle lending library I rounded it up to 2 Goodreads stars. The book has some very funny moments, and being skeptical of all organized religions, I was attracted to it’s…sacriligious elements. The first couple of chapters were rather engaging, and the dialogue between God and the characters initially clever and funny. I was drawn in and hopeful that I would like the book. But in the end it failed me. To be fair to the author and any potential readers I will hide my criticisms within a spoiler alert, because I will have to divulge the plot in my comments.

Jessica is the product of sexual congress between God and her rather foul-mouthed, strong-willed mother, Destinee. Mother is street-wise but not very smart. This was not a virgin birth because Destinee was anything but a virgin. I lived for over a decade in a small Southwestern town similar to the Texas town Jessica grows up in. I’m familiar with the advantages and disadvantages of her environment and many of the character types found in this volume.

Here’s my first major criticism: The author creates a fictional world that is internally inconsistent. It’s alright to develop an alternative universe, no matter how weird, as long as the action flows logically from its properties. That’s what makes Harry Potter such wonderful reading. You can willfully suspend disbelief because the plot includes understandable twists and turns that are entirely consistent with the attributes that JK Rowling assigned to her world. If a world with wizards and witches can secretly exist alongside what the one we live in, and if people have to learn be good wizards and witches, you could expect there will be an invisible train-stop within a real train station so that an invisible train can take students back and forth from Hogwarts.

Now compare this with just one situation in this book. Jessica Christ finds out she has been blessed with the "miracle" of being able to kick a field goal from anywhere on a football field—even from the opposite goal line. She joins her high school football team, which in Friday-Night-Lights-Texas is a big deal. She lives in a socially conservative small town full of Bible Thumpers. Her school should be working under Title IX regulations: No discrimination on the basis of sex. But Jessica has to get dressed in the men’s locker room where she can see and comment on everyone’s pecker. Strangely stupid. Do the boys get to see her privates, as well? If not, why not? OK, a small thing, but since teen-aged Jessica and her boyfriends are going through a shit-storm of hormonal changes there are repercussions in the plot that just don’t hold together in my opinion. There should be a separate locker room for her or the school board would be up in arms, which they are not. The author either should change this inconsistency or make up some reason why it is the way it is.

Here’s an even bigger inconsistency.Another miracle is that Jessica can bring dead people back to life, and a lot of people know about this. So what happens? She works as a summer intern at a community hospital from 9 to 5 bringing dead people back to life, then she goes home to her double-wide trailer for dinner and worries that she won’t have enough money to go to college. The hospital staff knows about her powers, the community knows about her powers, but its no more remarkable to them than her football prowess. You would think if word got around about this miraculous power national TV would descend on her little town, or something else would happen--like being kidnapped by villains to bring a mafia chief back to life, or by a government to resurrect all their soldiers. But at the end of the summer Jessica just kind of goes back to class at her little high school with little fanfare. Are you kidding me? Does this plot flow logically?

Sadly, the plot devolves into a cross between a teen-age melodrama and a Marvel super-hero story. After the first quarter of the book the dialogue between Jessica and God becomes less funny and rather predictable and repetitious. Characters refuse to grow or learn from their experiences. At the end this volume the author makes a little pitch for a good rating and gives a sneak preview of the next book in the series which sadly didn’t interest me at all.

You would think that, like the Harry Potter series, readers would want to read the next book to resolve the dramatic tension raised at the end of the preceding book. Will Harry Potter live to vanquish Lord Voldemort? The author should make us want to read the next book to see how Jessica will use her remarkable powers. Unfortunately, the biggest unresolved question is will virginal Jessica ever get laid. The other question is who the Devil is. (I think I know…the only character who is has been most nice to her throughout her childhood and adolescence).

Sorry, Ms. Taylor. I wish you well and hope you can improve what should be a better book.

[Sally Berneathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I've read in a very long time!! This book is hilarious, heart-warming, entertaining, and totally wonderful. Most writers who attempt to write humor come across as silly. Ms. Taylor's humor is a natural part of her characters and of her plot. I am currently reading the second book, And It Was Good, and it's every bit as good as the first. Kudos, Ms. Taylor!

[Cassandra Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilariously thought provoking

Wow. When I got this on kindle unlimited I thought it might be funny. I was right beyond my wildest porcine dreams. What I wasn’t expecting was the incredible amount of slop for thought that I would gain with my giggles, snickers & guffaws. As a (often rebellious) Christian I found many times the dialogue between Jessica and God mirroring my own argumentative prayer times and found my faith broadened & deepened by the realisation that others also had curly questions to ask of God. I would thoroughly recommend this book both as a piece of comedy and as food for thought for all Christians and non-Christians alike. Probably best not if you have no sense of wonder, humour or are under 13-15 years old.......... in my opinion mild sexual content - make out scenes and talking about sex/foreplay - with a single “sex” scene at the end of book 3. Also not recommended for any Christian without enough faith to withstand curly questions, and if that’s you PLEASE go see your preacher/pastor to rectify that....... cause this book is awesome and I’d hate for you to miss it!😇

[william hazleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

I enjoyed this irreverent but religious based book. Good story with very believable characters. Probably more relevant for teens but I'm old and loved it. Hope she writes more.

[Al · Rating 5 out of 5]

Story gets better. This book covers the high school years and is a great bridge to the college years of Jessica Christ. Intriguing story that is very hard to put down. Not theology or another look at Christianity but a sort of what if the offspring of God appeared today - what might happen.

[Sergio E. Ulloa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty funny if irreligious story about a new child of God. Clearly for a teenage audience, although I'd doubt to show it to my own 13-yr old because of some racy parts in the story that relate to the Jessica's mom.

[Karen greer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is just a wonderful, hilarious, fun series to read. I highly recommend it for all ages.

[Neil Sewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this series. Some memories of growing up through school and colleges, sympathising with Jess along with the added bonus of God interjecting all the way through.
Nice.