Lying to Children

by Alex Shahla

A fictional father writes letters to his college-aged daughter and son remembering events, large and small, from their family’s past in the poignant and hilarious Lying to Children. In this collection of sometimes outrageous, sometimes sad, often heartwarming interconnected vignettes, author Alex Shahla enters the fray with a delightful confessional celebration of family life told in stories from a dad’s unique perspective. Centered around the untruths parents regularly tell their kids in an effort to protect (or silence) them—from “Daddy Loves his Job” to “There’s a Jolly Fat Man who Brings You Presents (Assembly Required)” —Lying to Children is an unforgettable familial history filled with laughter, tears, and life lessons, and brimming over with a somewhat-less-than-perfect suburban dad’s unwavering love.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Ebooks, Contemporary, Parenting, Comedy, Amazon

346 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 6, 2017

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a series of letters written from dear old Dad to his kids in an effort to explain "what really happened while your mother and I were raising you." While I got a few chuckles out of his reminiscences, I had a lot of problems staying interested in the writing. This is really in no way, shape, or form a novel - it's more like a stand-up routine. Imagine watching a not-too-funny Jim Gaffigan comedy special - and you have this book! A novel involves plot, and characters: the Mom and kids in this book are not characters; they're simply catalysts for situations about which Dad gets to crack wise and make jokes. There's really no warmth, heart, and depth on display.

Take a look at Alex Shahla.



I think this may be a problem of "writing what you know. The author looks like he's maybe . . . 26? This type of book is always better when written by someone with a couple decades of raising kids under his or her belt. I do hope Shala continues writing . . . just not about parenting.

[Scott · Rating 1 out of 5]

I won this for free in a Goodreads giveaway so I didn't quite overpay. It's an interesting premise: an epistolary novel wherein a fictional father writes episodic chapters to his two children telling the story of their upbringing from his perspective. It fails in execution, however. Firstly, from what I've been able to figure out through searches, I'm estimating Mr. Shahla is about 37 years old (given the 2017 release date, he would have been 30-32 in writing it). Obviously, this isn't old enough to have college-age children, meaning that very little of this can possibly come from personal experience. I get that good writers make believable stuff up, but this isn't a good writer and it's not at all believable. The situations described are wholly absurd. Secondly, and related, much of the humor is formulaic and resembles every family TV situation comedy from about Home Improvement on. The father/husband is something of a selfish man-child/idiot while the mother/wife is, for the most part, thoughtful, reasonable, and married far beneath her intellect and maturity level. This isn't always true, though, and at times the mother/wife character behaves in completely unrealistic ways...the chapter on a neighborhood capture the flag game is a case study in prohibiting men from writing female characters under any circumstances, ever. Mr. Shahla identifies himself as a recovering lawyer and I got the sense reading the book that it was meant as a 330-page audition to write for sitcoms. I should have been paid to read it.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the nine months it takes to create that perfect little life until the eighteen years and beyond it takes to raise them, children are by far the greatest gift we ever receive. 



Their first smile. Their first laugh. Their first words. Their first steps. All are such monumental milestones. As parents, we smile and encourage them and are their biggest fans. 



Sacrifice. That is what parents do, and they do it with grace. Putting children first for millions of year... yup, that pretty much wraps up parenting... but what if you could REALLY say what you wanted to say to your children? What if for once you could say, "Just stop being selfish and whiny! Have YOU had to wear the same underwear for 18 years?"



What if you could write it all down, all the funny, crazy, angry, OH MY GOODNESS I WANT TO KILL YOU moments that you would NEVER admit to in real life, and hand it to your kids and walk away?



This is my side of the story. One day when you tell your future significant others, children, or therapists what horrible parents your mother and I were and how we ruined your lives, this book might help to exonerate us.



What if your kids really knew how you felt about getting that new puppy when you already had a dog, and how that puppy ruined your dog's life, therefore, causing you interminable amounts of grief?



Every time I came home, I expected to see a message spelled out in kibble: "Couldn't take it anymore. Had to leave. Love always, Steve. PS: I shit on her side of the bed."



Have you ever turned to your loving spouse and said:

"Honey, I want to use my 'Get Out of Parenting Free' card."

It's ok. You can admit it. The author Alex Shahla sure let it all fly loose in his comical and heart-warming (and yes, completely identifiable) book Lying to Children. Rarely do I laugh out loud when reading a book (smile, yes...laugh, no) but Shahla managed not only to make me laugh out loud, but also laugh until I had tears as I identified with all of the "letters" he wrote to his children. 



One chapter on Christmas and Santa brought me giggles and left fantastic images in my head! I never did understand why at Christmas we don't just tell our children that we have worked and slaved all year long to purchase them the overpriced toys that we know they will either play with five minutes or abandon in pursuit of happily playing with the boxes said toys arrived in. But hey, we all play the Santa game, right?



Hold on; give me a moment while I put on my Mr. Rogers sweater. Okay, here goes. If you ever wake up in the middle of the night and there's a large man with a sack standing in front of your fireplace, realize that he is not there to bring you presents; he's there to steal your presents. There is no such selfless figure. Aim for the chest and fire in rapid succession.

Shahla managed to take everyday parenting and turn all of the struggles and giggles in raising children to a poignant and entertaining read. His humor may not be for all and there are many places where the punchline is a bit repetitive, but for me, he presented a great tribute to parenthood and all of the daily struggles, joys, and fake (as well as real) smiles that come along with it. 



I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars for the laughter it provided me. I think you should go now and read it too. Take a journey and think about all those times you also wanted to scream and pull your hair out when your kids "knew better than you." Smile as the reach adulthood and congratulate them...

But seriously. Congratulations. You've reached the end of the Yellow Brick Road and what awaits is the joy of partying your way towards massive amounts of educational debt, followed by the misery of adulthood, where you'll discover there are repercussions for your actions beyond being grounded.



Enjoy!

~Janet 

[Jessica Haider · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book in a goodreads giveaway.

Parenting is hard. In Lying to Children a dad addresses his now college-aged children about his experience raising them and the lies he had to tell. The book has a good mix of touching and humorous moments. We hear about big moments and the minutiae of the day to day.
As someone who is still in the middle of raising elementary-aged children I found plenty to relate to in this book.

3.5 stars

What to listen to while reading...
Lying to Children by The Switch
Dissolve Me by Alt-J
Too Many Cookies by The Oot n' oots
The Adults are Talking by The Strokes
The Suburbs by Arcade Fire
Hakuna Matata by Nathan Lane

[Sunnie · Rating 2 out of 5]

In a series of essays, one per chapter, the author chronicles life as a parent of two savvy children. For the most part I felt like I was being “dumbed down “ as a reader. The one chapter that resonated with me was the one about how he lost his dog. As the mom to a 15 year old fur princess, this essay really touched my heart. Other than that, the others found me greedily checking how far along I was and how much more I would be subjected to the author’s odd sense of humor.

[Kym Gamble · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was like watching a car wreck. I got up to 40% and just asked myself the question, "why am I wasting time with this when I could be reading a good book." The book deals with the different things like Easter Egg hunts, the Superbowl, and Santa Clause where the father is writing to his grown children about things he did and thought during each of its events. I DNF

[Allisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skip this one

This book felt like several hundred pages of one-liners, and not in a good way. It was trying too hard to be clever and ended up feeing forced and unnatural. I only finished reading it because I hate leaving things incomplete. Someone may find some humor in this book. That someone is certainly not me.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up
Unlike anything I've read before; funny and heartwarming.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lying to Children is truly a not to be missed, one of a kind book! I literally could not stop laughing. Just when I thought I was done, I would read another quote that would have me laughing all over again. Quotes like:

"In the game of life, there are winners, there are losers, and then there are those people who are too stupid to find the stadium."

"Sorry to disappoint, kids, neither one of you was adopted. You are both members of my gene pool. And what a dirty pool it is."

Each chapter focuses on a different lie:

Daddy Loves his Job
We can't have a puppy
If I kiss it, it will make it better (I still believe in the power of a kiss makes boo boos better)
If you put a tooth under your pillow, a magical fairy will bring you money
There is a bunny who brings you presents on the day Jesus rose from the dead
If you eat too much candy, your teeth will fall out
You can be anything you want to be
There is a fat jolly man who brings you presents (assembly required)
The dog went to live on the farm with your goldfish where they'll have more room to run around
Those are Daddy's cookies
The enemy of your enemy is still your enemy
Daddy loves going to Grammy and Grandpa's house
The doctor is not going to hurt you
Always take the high road, because that is what I did
I'm happy you moved out of the house and are going to college

In each chapter, you will learn why Annabelle and Peter's father "lied" to them. Oh, and did you know that Elf on a Shelf actually works for Vladimir Putin. Yes, he is a Russian spy (he is evil). Plus, why do commercials for places like Sonic get advertised in areas that have no such places. Don't forget that a child's first word should not be "puppy" but maybe "goldfish".

There is so much more I could go on about this book but I will just leave it at you need to pick up a copy for yourself. You will not regret it. In fact, you will be thanking yourself that you made a smart choice.

[skketch · Rating 2 out of 5]

***NOVEL THOUGHTS***

++ Thanks to Goodreads and the publisher for the giveaway ARC in exchange for an unbiased honest review++

When I got this book, I was very excited because as a parent of grown children, I could relate to the concept. I laughed out loud after reading the prologue and said to myself "Self, this is going to be a good book. You will see yourself in this book!" So I settled in, turning the pages waiting for the big moments. But after the first chapter, I felt let down. I'm really glad this is a fictional father writing to his fictional children about moments during their time under his wing because this is no father I would be proud to call Dad. He hates everyone! Even Santa, yes Santa and wants to divulge the truth about the Jolly Northpoleian to his first grade daughter because "why should Santa get all the credit for gifts paid for and wrapped by parents?" While the idea of it is funny, why would he want to do that to his daughter? and son? He chases after a young kid on Halloween because he stole candy from his candy bowl (I think that's what happened... by this chapter I was already skipping through). He despises his wife family and outwardly expresses this (though the feeling is mutual). He is obsessed with cookies, making lists of complaints about everything, and made a piñata for a children's Easter party guaranteed to not be able to be hacked open, even by the children's fathers (though later, he broke it open and ate all the candy from inside himself).
Yes, it has some very humorous moments and I laughed often because it is a funny, peculiar look at parenthood. So I don't take anything from the author about that. I think I was duped into thinking I was getting one kind of book akin to Erma Bombeck, and got Don Rickles instead. I also might not be in the right mindset for this book at this time with some personal stuff going on. So, I will put it on the backburner for now and maybe pick it up when I am ready for a tongue-in-cheek view of parenting.

[Lourdes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway

this is how I felt.. and how it is written.

///Lying to Children is an unforgettable familial history filled with laughter, tears, and life lessons, and brimming over with a somewhat-less-than-perfect suburban dad’s unwavering love.///

A nameless father writes to his children to tell them the truth behind the lies we tell our children, it was very funny, I really enjoyed it, the first time from this author. I would recommend it to anyone who is looking for a great read!

[Dun's]

This book is a collection of letters from a fictional father to his now grown daughter and son. First few chapters were quite funny and I had a good laugh. Then the writing became over the top and each chapter got longer and longer. I stopped laughing and just stared at my screen awkwardly.

DNF at 70%. I won an e-copy through Goodreads giveaway, thank you.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Relatable

I receiver this book from a Goodreads Giveaway. I enjoyed the authors stories and found them humorous and relatable. They were just perfect for a lazy afternoon if reading. Just me and my cookies.

[Cayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, but a little...much. At times the dad was an exaggeration of a character; it felt a little like I was reading a sitcom. Nevertheless, I'm sure parents can relate to a lot of moments. And there were some definite laugh out loud moments. Thanks Goodreads for the kindle win!

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe trying isn’t your thing.

[Eva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Goodreads for the giveaway. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It was hilarious and true to life. The characters were well developed and relatable. You may think you wouldn't like someone who lies to children; after reading this you will feel differently. Dad, the narrator, has many admirable qualities. His love for his family is easily apparent, second only to his love for cookies. The last chapter was pretty perfect, a great way to end.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't think I've giggled and laughed this much reading a book in a LONG time. Alex Shahla's writing is sarcastically amazing, witty, loving, and hysterical at times. As a parent we go through so many of the trials and tribulations.. Only to have them grow up and then what?!?!! I am so thankful I had the opportunity to read this and write a review. If you are looking for a quirky, fun, easy read.. I would highly recommend this!!!

[Robyn Dee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lying to Children is a funny book. Unfortunately the way it is written, I had a hard time staying interested. Each chapter could stand alone as a short story. As one other review says, it is like reading someone's stand up comedy set.

[Wulfwyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I think it’s important to note that these are letters the author wrote from a fictional dad to his children. It is not a novel where you read about this family from the birth of Annabelle to her going off to college. It is letters where the dad tries to explain his side of various memories. They were funny. I read them a bit each morning with my coffee. They helped brighten up a year that has been tremendous. What stood out to me the most was the love this dad has for his family. That might be lost in reading these letters. Some may think the dad is over the top or trying to hard for laughs. What I found was a dad who was being real. He was writing to his children in the way they would recognize him. He was telling them not only of his love for them but also his love for their mother. I found it very relatable. It reminded me of the Erma Bombeck books my mom had. I read those at 13, before having my own children. I remember enjoying them so much because they felt real. That is the feeling I had reading this book. This is a real, (but fictional), dad talking to his real, (but fictional), children. I loved reading this each day and am a bit sorry that I am at the end of the book. Read the book and enjoy his fictional memories. I’m sure you will laugh and you might even remember similar things that happened in your family. You might be inspired to write a letter or two to your own children.
I am grateful to have won an electronic copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. I voluntarily reviewed this book because I enjoyed it. I hope you do, too.

[Heidi · Rating 1 out of 5]

Received this book as an ARC for my honest review.

Ok, on what planet did the publisher think this was a good book to publish. It is a bunch of rambling from a father to his children in a "pretend letter" now that they are adults. The story starts with "if you ever look back and want tell therapists what horrible parents your mother and I were and how we ruined your lives, this book might help exonerate us." If the kids wanted to go back and tell how horrible their lives were with this father, I would send him to jail in a heartbeat. My goodness how self centered, selfish and immature can a grown man be. From saying that he didn't have love at first sight with his now wife to holding his nephew up against his helmet because he was trying to recreate the play from the Superbowl and then he dropped him and talked about how he wasn't quite right after that and he kept thinking that was the reason why. Talked about his wife's friend who seems to one-up him all the time so he started doing things to have them spend money. Talked about how one Halloween he didn't want to go and he pissed off a 13 year old kid who then egged him along with other things so the next year he got dressed up and got a whole bunch of little kids to go stalk that kid and have retaliation and still lost. I could go on and on and on as it never stopped it was always like this. I know this book is supposed to be fake but he wasn't even likable, not even a little bit.

[High Plains Library District · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was sold on the first page. It’s hard to believe that the stories told within are completely fiction. From kissing minor injuries to make things feel better to the existence of prominent holiday figures, sometimes the lies we tell are to help our children fit better into society and other times it’s for more selfish reasons. But, regardless of the morality and intention, they all go into shaping our children's lives. Alex Shahla welcomes the reader to a behind the scenes commentary on parenting and the lies parents (or other adults) tell their children. Shahla writes from the perspective of a dad writing a book to his children who have gone off to college. Each chapter is its own story, but they build on each other as new characters and turning points appear. The dad reveals his parenting fails and successes and moments of pain and joy with a good dose of humor.

I can say no more about this book than that you should read it. Why? Because it is downright funny, relatable, and worth every second reading. You don’t have to read it all at once. Just a chapter here or a chapter there, on the bus or in the waiting room, there is a laugh to be had no matter how much you read of it or where you read it. However, as comedic as this book was for me, it may not fit everyone’s sense of humor. To me, the stories in the book were very much like stories told at my family reunions, so I found them relatable and realistic.

[Tracy (The Pages In-Between) · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was hilarious. As a mom of four, I found that it was very easy to relate to. I've done the tooth fairy lie, the Santa Claus lie, Discouraging the desire to own a pet. and currently I am fighting the "I want a baby sister battle" with my youngest kids and now I find myself saying "How about a puppy?" haha!
This is one cool dude, and I think it is genius that he had the idea to write a book like this. I loved the roller coaster emotions this book, the ha-ha moments, to the awwww moments. 

Which each chapter you learn something. As a parent you sacrifice things you want, or things you do, or things you need  in order to make your children's life the best that it can be. With raising kids you tell them the lies, to make them happy, to keep them safe, and sometimes just to make yourself feel better. "Lying to Children" hit the nail on the head with many of its chapters, and it's definitely a book I can pass on to parents who need a good hearty laugh.

Thank you to Booksparks for sending me this book for the #popupblogtour 

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway. I had entered because it sounded like it might be interesting. I am soooo glad I won it! I laughed out loud many, many times (even in public!). The humor was right up my alley. I told many people about it even before I was finished. The last few chapters/stories were more on the touching side than the humorous side (although they had their moments). I think this was because the stories were from when the children were older (teenagers). I enjoyed this debut novel and would be interested to see what he comes up with next.

[Sierra Edmonston · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly enjoyed this book. It’s been awhile since I had a book that was 5 stars that was long enough to allow me to dread finishing it. Often I found myself so into the story being told in the chapters that I forgot why the story was even being told to begin with, and of course all the moments I chuckled aloud. No brainer it was going to be a 5 star from the jump. I’m just so glad I had the opportunity to read this book because idk if I would of got around to it if I didn’t win a Goodreads giveaway to read it on my kindle.

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 2 out of 5]

If Alex Shahla writes a holiday letter about his family, I bet it's funny and if this book were edited to fit on one page, I'm sure it would make me laugh. Although his book Lying to Children is stylized in letter form, it reads more like the personal journal of a smug, snarky one percenter. Bragging about having spoiled your children isn't all that endearing or entertaining, I find.

[Donna · Rating 1 out of 5]

I guess this was suppose to be funny, but it ended up being just some dude rambling about one thing, then not finishing the thought, and going off into another thing. The "dad" is just the worse always complaining about this and that and the situations are way absurd that it was not believable at all.

*Received in goodreads giveaway*

[Margaret · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really funny, I can’t believe it’s the author’s first book! Sign me up right now for the next one! What I found really amazing is that every single chapter had a plot twist that you could not see coming! I recommend it to all parents and people that have parents.

P.S. I won this book on Goodreads Firstreads, but it’s totally worth buying, it’s that funny!

[Dana · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF page 15. I often joke about boys being stupid and men ruining the world. But I really am just joking, I thought. But then I started to read this book and I really hope this guy doesn't represent what most men are thinking because if this is just a glimpse into your brains, you are all way worse than I ever suspect.

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parents of grown children should read this for a laugh, cry, cringe! It will bring back memories in a good way. Then recommend the book to friends! Might make a fun book club read for the right group.
I received a free ARC from Netgalley in exchange for a fair review.

[Pooja Peravali · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sweet book that goes over the top in regards to humor sometimes, but still manages to pass time with a warm glow.

Disclaimer: This book was won in a Goodreads giveaway. This is my honest and voluntary review.

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received a free Kindle copy of this book through a Giveaway. I wanted to like this, being a parent myself, but the writing felt too "wink wink ain't I cool?" As another reviewer stated, it was more stand-up. I couldn't finish; I had other things to read and didn't want to take any more time.