Gái Khôn Được Tất

by Mary Hartley, Dương Kim Thoa (translator)

Đầy ắp chiến lược hiệu quả và những bài tập thiết thực, cuốn sách này sẽ chỉ cho bạn cách để tự tin, quả quyết và chủ động – trong sự duyên dáng và sành điệu.
• Quyết đoán là gì và tại sao lại quan trọng
• Cách tránh trở nên quá khích, thụ động và thủ đoạn
• Những lời khuyên về cách xử lý những tình huống khó khăn, kể cả bị mất mặt và đối phó với nạn bắt nạt
• Thành thạo ngôn ngữ cơ thể và giao tiếp quyết đoán

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Feminism, Womens

248 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

Reviews

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick review for a quick read. "The Smart Girl's Guide to Getting What You Want" is an accessible self-improvement read that focuses its message on how to be a "smart girl" or how to be more assertive and successful as a woman in the working world and in life. Initially, I wasn't sure how this book would come across, because the label of being a "smart girl" had the potential to push buttons in its absolute labeling and limited focal points with that label. (There were other such examples through the text where the labeling can be patronizing, to be sure. It sends mixed messages and doesn't come across as much empowering as it does putting the issues into bubbles and labels that could do more harm than good. ) However, it has some helpful takeaway points on how to be assertive, improve self-esteem, learning when to say no, dealing with difficult people, recognizing how to give compliments, giving and receiving criticism, and pushing one to think positively about situations where they can see their strengths and weaknesses for what they are.

This book feels more focused on the accessibility in its language and pop psychological leanings (what with a multitude of pop culture references through the text) rather than offering more detailed expansions for people who struggle with self-esteem and assertion beyond a base level of understanding. It could certainly be used as a supplement to other texts on self-esteem geared towards women in this vein, but unfortunately doesn't really stand on its own when offering more in-depth expansions on these issues, which left me feeling like I wanted more from the text than what it gave.

In the end, I was on the fence about it. It had good assertions that I felt could be good takeaways on the subject matter, but in the end - I've read more expansive, thorough texts on the material here and that didn't feel so much like it was trying to stay chic or trendy.

Overall score: 3/5 stars.

Note: I received this as an ARC from NetGalley, from the publisher Watkins Publishing.

[Teena in Toronto · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like reading "girl power" books and enjoyed this one.

For the most part, I don't have a problem being assertive. But as an educator, I spend a lot of time dealing with people so I like reading books on how to handle different situations.

According to the author, assertiveness is:

"... a way of behaving and communicating that is based on acceptance of oneself and of other people. It demonstrates confidence without being overconfident, and self-control without trying to control others.

It shows that you respect yourself and you respect other people as well - in fact, you respect others too much to play games with them or to patronise them by assuming they cannot take dissent or disagreement.

When you behave assertively, you are open and honest without hurting or diminishing others."

The chapters are:

* What is a Smart Girl?: The author tells us what is a "Smart Girl", why we find it hard to be assertive (we want to be liked, you assume negative consequences, etc.) and why we should be assertive
* The Bulldozer, the Pushover, the Snake - and the Star: These are different styles of behavior and why people behave this way
* Getting the right mindset: Letting go of guilt, taking responsibility for yourself, etc.
* Step-by-step guide to assertive communication: There are six steps starting with identifying what you are feeling
* How to say it - smart body language: Tone of voice, posture, gestures, etc.
* Saying "no" without losing your friends or your job
* Dealing with criticism
* Tricky situations in your personal and social life: Answering difficult questions from people you aren't close to (like why aren't you married, when you've lost your job, you've broken up with someone, etc.), dealing with visitors when you don't feel like seeing anyone, saying "no" to a friend, etc.
* Dealing with difficult people: How to deal with the bulldozer, the pushover and the snake
* Praise and compliments: How to give and receive compliments

I liked the writing style. I found it was friendly and conversational. There were lots of examples and suggested solutions for various situations that you can put to use right away.

Blog review post: http://www.teenaintoronto.com/2013/12...

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Love the title and the general idea of the book is also very alluring. However, the book isn't quite as complete as I'd like it to be as far as what to do to actualize the reality of becoming more assertive. That being said, it would be very helpful if you're just starting out in the world of self-help books and it does have some valuable
Information.

[A.K. Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was supplied by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

In some ways, I think this book has changed my life. I wish I would have had it a year ago when I underwent what I hope is the most harrowing time of my life. Mary Hartley's writing is succinct, helpful and engaging. She covers all angles of assertive behaviour without encouraging readers to act aggressively. Having read this book, I am empowered to act in the mature, respectful and communicative manner she teaches.

I strongly believe that this book will help all women, but especially those who were, like myself, subject to abusive spouses.

[Drita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Girl power! We need more of it.

This was a great smart girl's guide to start anything with grace, challenge with style, and end with wit. What a better way to show confidence. It's always better to look at things at a different prospective, different angles that you might of never thought of. We are often caught up in our destination that we forget about our self-worth. This was such a fresh enjoyable read...it was fun, educational and inspirational.

Thanks to the Watkins Publishing Limited @ NetGalley for a free copy.

[Thảo Nhuy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sách vẫn còn nói khá chung chung, mặc dù cũng có một số ví dụ thực tiễn cho từng vấn đề.

Reccomend cho bạn nào còn thấy khá tự ti về bản thân mình nói chung. Chẳng hạn nếu bạn thấy bản thân là người không biết cách nói “không”, hay luôn lấn át người khác, nếu bạn không biết cách diễn đạt quan điểm hoặc luôn khiến lời nói, ứng xử của bản thân đi xa mục đích ban đầu thì nên tham khảo qua.

Còn nếu bạn thấy bản thân ứng xử khá ổn rồi và muốn phát triển thêm thì nên tìm quyển khác, vì khi đọc quyển này có thể bạn chie muốn đọc hết sách nhanh nhanh để tìm quyển khác hợp nhu cầu hơn thôi. ;)

[Book-shelf Shelf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book and will be taking a lot from it. It teaches you how to be assertive, but not aggressive, To treat people with respect while not loosing any face. I think the best thing about this book is it teaches you to act like a grown up. A book that should be in every smart girls handbag.

[Kelsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good, not great. Some helpful ideas on how to be assertive without losing respect from others and how to deal with a few different personality types in interpersonal relationships.

[Lucy Ballesteros · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like this at all. I found plenty of grammatical errors that I almost DNF this one. I do not recommend it.

[Caroline Nimnicht · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.75 This book could’ve been written in an article. Some good points made but pretty basic in my opinion

[Phuc Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sách mô tả các step để các cô gái có thể học và hoàn thiện mình. Nó ko chỉ tốt cho các bạn chưa kết hôn mà còn có ích cho cả những người đã lập gia đình.

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought provoking and helps you realize how to say things in a certain way.

[Phoebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

It helped me out a lot, the advice is easy to follow and I really liked all the pop culture references, especially the one about the Rolling Stones.

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good stuff!

A very helpful, comprehensive guide to basic human communication- the “Adulting” guide I’ve been looking for! Ms. Hartley covers such a broad range of interaction scenarios. Too often, I find books promising to teach a skill, but are just full of vague, trite, encouraging phrases. Yes, the philosophy is important, but Ms. Hartley actually gives the ‘how to’ the others often lack. Her specific examples, and even sample phrases are excellent tools I can actually use.
I also appreciate her empathetic, big-picture angle. It is not necessary, or productive to step on others in order to stand up for yourself !

[LaGina · Rating 4 out of 5]

mean monster about it. It was like a step by step guide on how to deal with some situations that life throws at you. She gives examples for the work place and everyday things.. You also get information on how to change your outlook and approach AND how to deal with conflicting personalities. The book also covers verbal and body language, how to use all your assets to make yourself a better person. Move over Miss. Manners there is a new girl giving the advice we need to hear. I had both of my adult girls read this book and they say that it has helped them deal with things in their life also. .

[Anh L · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a nice, little guide for women to deal with everyday situation. It helps identifying the kinds of people that you are dealing with, and how to communicate effectively, accept praises and compliments, take criticisms, etc. Essentially, the message boils down to the idea of asking 3 questions before you speak: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It is a fun read to keep your mind off something.

[Traci · Rating 3 out of 5]

The cover is attractive, and the subtitle led me to believe I'd be seen as an Audrey Hepburn sort of lady, strong in my convictions, but still classy.

Turns out, this is mostly the same advice I got in a conflict resolution course. Restate what someone tells you, be firm about why you believe they are wrong, speak in specifics, give yourself time to think rather than answer yes or no immediately, etc.

Oh well. It was short, and it helped on my reading goal, right?

[ReD · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too many movie and book references. This was probably supposed to be "cute" or make it seem like the author was connecting with the reader like a girlfriend gabbing over a cup of coffee (why do women-centered books do this?) but it just came about clunky and awkward.

There was some surprisingly good advice in here, too. Some of it came across patronizing.

[Tera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very informative and nicely written. Lot of information to absorb and true it's not always the most pleasant but is good to know. I'll admit i found myself skipping around but in the end I at least found it interesting to have read it.
arc from NetGalley

[Katarina · Rating 4 out of 5]

excellent book about assertiveness without being rude or mean.

What I liked about this book:
It gives concrete, real life examples
it focuses on communication (verbal AND non-verbal)
also talks about tone, not just the words you say
good, easy to follow, and effective practice tasks

[Denise Morse · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the second half of the book which the small real work example and what to do in the situation. I thought it was very practical and useful. However the beginning of the book fell a little flat for me. Also, being non-British made it a little difficult to understand the references.

[Amber Blackstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. There were a lot of helpful tips on how to express my likes and concerns even to those extremely pushy people who don't take no for an answer. I realized that posture and voice intonation also play a role in people taking you seriously.

[Miranda Moberg Diaz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh...nothing amazing here. Would pass on it.

[Sinistmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found this a concise and accessible read. Hartley speaks frankly and offers some good general tips. She's also really good at breaking down situations and problem individuals.

[Thea · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little trite but some good advice

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book provides some useful tips for girls and women which we can apply directly to daily behaviors. It works well. Encourage the self- esteem, dignity, automony, integrity.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit trite but there are a few good tips to review and consider. A quick and easy read.

[Celia Juliano]

Maybe 3 or 3.5...Some good reminders of effective communication techniques, but nothing new if you've read anything similar, or about other communication strategies, and, overall, I didn't particularly enjoy the author voice.