”I've lost the thread among the vines
And hung myself in storylines
That tell the tales I never would allow
God knows the name of every bird
That fills my mind like angry words
But you know all my secret heart avows
“We're taught to love the worst of us
And mercy more than life but trust me
Mercy's just a warning shot across the bow
I live for yours and you can't fail me now
I live for your mercy, you can't fail me now
No, you can't fail me now”
-- You Can’t Fail Me Now,Loudon Wainwright / Joe Henry Songwriters: Joseph Lee Henry / Loudon S. Iii Wainwright
”When the last of the brass mills locked up their doors and hauled ass out of town once and for all, it seemed all they left behind were blocks of abandoned factories that poked out from behind high stone gates like caskets floated to the surface after the Great Flood of ’55.”
Elsie, determined to haul her own ass out of Waterbury, Connecticut, once and for all, at the first opportunity, instead ends up with a job at the Betsy Ross Diner, ”slinging poutine fries and spanakopita to third-shifters headed to or coming back from their jobs as hospital guards, machinists, small-time drug dealers. And I got Bashkim, an Albanian line cook at a Greek diner named after an American patriot.”
Three weeks after she meets this Bashkim, but the first time he sees her, really notices her, he tells Elsie ”I swear to Allah, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”
That’s when she made the mistake of thinking that the message in his eyes was sincere, that his words spoke of a promise.
”Maybe everything he was talking about was just a hypnotist’s pocket watch swinging before my eyes, but even if there was a little piece of me that thought I should know better, there was no way I’d refuse the offer. An impossible dream was better than no dream at all.”
And so in time they would, in fact, be tied together forever, in a way, when their daughter, Luljeta is born.
Mothers and daughters make for such captivating stories, filled with drama, regrets, angst, and love. Like an ongoing argument between mother and daughter, you hear first from one, then from the other. A back and forth story from their points of view shared in alternating chapters.
The abandonment of husbands, fathers, stories of mothers who never speak of the missing fathers, mothers who share too much, who drink too much. Mothers who work too hard and come home too tired from jobs that pay too little and have so little of themselves left to give at the end of the day. And even though it’s done in an effort to protect their own daughters from ending up like they themselves have, their daughters bear the scars of their silence.
This is a beautifully written and impressive debut novel that deals with many themes, secrets, the truth behind the stories told, identity, love, anger, mothers and daughters, immigration, escaping the pain of one life for the grief of another, the struggles faced in a lifetime, the regrets, the wishes for some kind of reconciliation, forgiveness or recognition of the belief that each one is doing their best. Life just has a way of getting in the way of our dreams, and the stories we tell ourselves.
Many thanks to the Public Library system, and the many Librarians that manage, organize and keep it running, for the loan of this book!