4.5 Stars
”When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Oh, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be”
Paul McCartney – Let It Be
4.5 Stars
Madeline, Maddy, should be gone by now, but she’s hovering, trying to find her replacement. Her husband will need someone, a new wife – but not just anyone, she wants to find the perfect wife for him. He will need someone a little softer than she’s been with him, and, of course, someone to care for their daughter, Eve. Someone who can see the woman Eve will be someday, someone who can relate to her needs.
”Without attention, her sarcasm will turn to cynicism, her independence to isolation, her grief to depression.”
When she notices Rory, she connects with her almost immediately. Her instincts, no longer mired down by earthly constraints, tell her that Rory could be the one to bring a smile to Brady’s face someday, and the one to hold Eve’s hand through her grief. She knows that they blame themselves. And even though Maddy knows the truth, she watches Eve from her sheltered distance, watching Eve cling to her grief, as though it is an anchor of penance, an anchor keeping her mother from moving on.
”She wears guilt like a jacket on a cold day, clutching it.”
No one understands it, no one can quite believe that Maddy would have or could have taken her own life. Still, that is what the police report says.
She would do anything to ease their grief.
No matter how many times they ask how, why, they will never get an answer. When Brady stumbles across Maddy’s journal, he looks to it for some answers. All the therapists, doctors, the police – no one has answers that make sense, or help him come to terms with this. How could he be so wrong, how did he miss how unhappy she was? Reading her journal, a page or two at a time, over time. Things written in moments of anger, things written giving him insight into places he went wrong in their marriage. Maybe, he thinks eventually, he should share some of these passages, selected ones, with Eve. They need to begin to find a way back to living, not just surviving.
How? Why?
"There are so many things I dare not say. I have quietly stopped being me."
Despite their grief, there are moments of levity, and there are moments where you can begin to see the light shine through for them. They begin to heal, they begin to forgive themselves for not knowing when and where they went wrong.
”We’re given the gift of life with the consequence of death. I think it’d be a mistake to focus on the consequence instead of the gift.”
There were many elements to this that I loved, with some lovely prose, and a compelling story that flowed effortlessly from the start. It has a somewhat shared theme to a book I read last month, ”In the Quiet”, but where the latter was a lovely, quiet, introspective look at what lies beyond this life, “I Liked My Life” seems as though it was written to a broader audience. That’s not a complaint, as gorgeous as I found ”In the Quiet” to be, my heart can only take so many heartbreaking books back to back!
In the end, who really knows everything about the ones they love?
”And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Oh, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
And there will be an answer, let it be
Oh, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be”
Paul McCartney – “Let it Be”