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زندگی در باتلاق فریب: روانشناسی خودفریبی
"HAYATİ YALANLAR, BASİT GERÇEKLER" kendimizi aldatma yollarının basit bir analizi. Daniel Goleman, en özel ilişkilerimizi günlük yaşantılarımızı ve ortak gerçeklerimizi, olayların acı verici iç yüzlerini ve kötü anılarını gömmek suretiyle nasıl çarpıttığımızı açığa çıkartmak için, beyin fonksiyonlarından sosyal dinamiklere dek bütün delil türlerini kaynak olarak kullanıyor. Kendini aldatma psişik olarak kendimizi korumayı ifade eder ve bu, bir toplumun tanımının katıldığı bir hayatta kalma oyunudur. Fakat kendini aldatma, bazen zararsız olabildiği gibi bazen de tehlikeli ve ölümcül olabilir. Bu kitap, psikolojik varlığımız merkezinde yer alan bir konu hakkında hem meydan okuyan sorular sormakta, hem de bunları açıklamaktadır.
488 pages, Paperback
First published May 24, 1985
166 people are currently reading
2668 people want to read
About the author
Daniel Goleman
390 books5,545 followersAuthor of Emotional Intelligence and psychologist Daniel Goleman has transformed the way the world educates children, relates to family and friends, and conducts business. The Wall Street Journal ranked him one of the 10 most influential business thinkers.
Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times best sellers list for a year-and-a-half. Named one of the 25 "Most Influential Business Management Books" by TIME, it has been translated into 40 languages. The Harvard Business Review called emotional intelligence (EI) “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea.”
Goleman’s new book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, argues that attention — a fundamental mental ability for success — has come under siege. Leadership that gets results demands a triple focus: on our inner world so we can manage ourselves; on others, for our relationships; and on the outer forces that shape our organizations and society itself.
His more recent books include The Brain and Emotional Intelligence, and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence - Selected Writings.
Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times best sellers list for a year-and-a-half. Named one of the 25 "Most Influential Business Management Books" by TIME, it has been translated into 40 languages. The Harvard Business Review called emotional intelligence (EI) “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea.”
Goleman’s new book, Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, argues that attention — a fundamental mental ability for success — has come under siege. Leadership that gets results demands a triple focus: on our inner world so we can manage ourselves; on others, for our relationships; and on the outer forces that shape our organizations and society itself.
His more recent books include The Brain and Emotional Intelligence, and Leadership: The Power of Emotional Intelligence - Selected Writings.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 45 reviews
February 11, 2017
Outdated, and a bit dry. The new edition, which came out after 'Focus', needs a lot of revisions - new researches, new models, deletion of not-so-useful information (there is a lot of it).
I see no point of the book in 2016 otherwise.
I bought this book at a railway station, following a strong, irrational feeling that I should buy it. I was upset about something that had transpired that day and something told me that reading this book in the train will calm my mind / give me just the perspective I need (I had sampled the first chapter at the store and loved it). Since I had planned on reading Goleman's Focus sometime later this year, and this book looked like a precursor to it, and in some ways a sequel to The Meditative Mind which I had already read, I knew investing my time in this book wouldn't be a disaster.
While in the train, I discussed the events I was upset about with the people involved. Turns out, I had misread things, cooked them up in my head and turned them into something very different from what "really" happened. Self-deception, I thought. No getting away.
This book asserts, and confirms, that we are doomed to be self-deceptive. As individuals and as groups. And no amount of "self-awareness" or "self-knowledge" or anything else can bail us out. It isn't a totally bad thing, unless it is, because this helps avoid pain and makes easy going through the inevitable ups and downs of life.
I see no point of the book in 2016 otherwise.
I bought this book at a railway station, following a strong, irrational feeling that I should buy it. I was upset about something that had transpired that day and something told me that reading this book in the train will calm my mind / give me just the perspective I need (I had sampled the first chapter at the store and loved it). Since I had planned on reading Goleman's Focus sometime later this year, and this book looked like a precursor to it, and in some ways a sequel to The Meditative Mind which I had already read, I knew investing my time in this book wouldn't be a disaster.
While in the train, I discussed the events I was upset about with the people involved. Turns out, I had misread things, cooked them up in my head and turned them into something very different from what "really" happened. Self-deception, I thought. No getting away.
This book asserts, and confirms, that we are doomed to be self-deceptive. As individuals and as groups. And no amount of "self-awareness" or "self-knowledge" or anything else can bail us out. It isn't a totally bad thing, unless it is, because this helps avoid pain and makes easy going through the inevitable ups and downs of life.
September 5, 2012
Goleman sets out the purpose and mechanisms of self deception at the individual and group levels.
Our subconscious naturally filters out noise so we can focus on the signal (e.g. the voice of the person we are speaking with ahead of the hubbub in the room) and the same mechanisms work to save our conscious mind from dwelling too long on unpleasant topics that we can't do anything about (e.g. the threat of nuclear war or the illness of a family member).
Groups operate in a similar fashion. Group members develop a shared understanding of which topics are good for productive discussion and which are divisive so they can operate efficiently.
These mechanisms are an essential tool for any healthy mind or effective team, but when they go wrong serious delusions, pathological behaviour and poor decisions can follow.
A common mild 'filter malfunction' in individuals results in a neurotic personality type Goleman calls 'the detective'. The detective is intelligent, has a well thought through world view, and is sensitive to any information that threatens his understanding. He constantly searches for new information that supports his case and is adept at twisting facts that should be challenging. At some level he realises there are weaknesses in his arguments and is constantly researching his topic so he can assimilate more information into his world view and avoid surprises. In extreme cases facts get changed to fit theories, rather than the other way round.
In groups the common malfunction is for group members not to voice dissent for fear of upsetting the consensus. This behaviour is often enforced by consensus promoting team members who pressure dissenters to keep their opinions to themselves.
The Bay of Pigs fiasco is a great case study of group poor dynamics resulting in a terrible decision. Shortly after coming to office John F Kennedy approved a covert operation to invade Catro's communist Cuba. 1,400 Cuban exiles, trained by the CIA attacked by sea in what must be one of the most ill conceived military operations of all time.
Catro's 200,000 strong army outnumbered the invaders 43:1 and within two days the assault brigade was hemmed in, and the battle was last. Within three days all surviving members of the brigade had been captured and Kennedy apparently asked 'How could I have been so stupid as to let them go ahead?'
The answer lies in the group dynamics of Kennedy and the six advisors who considered and approved the operation. Their collective belief in the righteousness of their cause and the inevitability of success enabled the group to push forward without checking assumptions that underpinned the operation and made dissenters feel they should keep their opinions to themselves.
Two examples:
- Kennedy and his team thought that 1,400 could defeat 200,000 because the invasion would trigger armed uprisings by an underground throughout Cuba. Two members of the team assured the others that the uprisings would take place and the group went along with their assurance. In fact the CIA had made no such predictions, the experts at the Cuban desk of the state department weren't consulted and no one brought up the results of a poll from the year before showing the vast majority of Cubans supported Castro.
- on hearing that one of the group had doubts, Robert Kennedy the President's brother, took him aside at a cocktail party, listened to his concerns, and said 'You may be right or wrong, but the President has made up his mind. Don't push it any further. Now is the time for everyone to help him all they can.'
I frequently see similar dynamics round the board table which conspire to avoid discussion of difficult topics. Exit strategy and valuation is perhaps the most common example. It's an emotive, subjective and confusing topic and different stakeholders often have different aspirations making it difficult to discuss. Unfortunately it's a key driver of investment and fundraising strategy and not something that should be ignored.
Goleman's remedies for these dysfunctional group dynamics are:
- encourage dissent, possibly going as far as nominating an official dissenter, and watch out for people who stifle dissent
- take responsibility as individuals to speak up rather and not be afraid of upsetting a consensus (consensuaes often turn out to be weaker than everyone believes anyway)
- ensure diversity of background amongst team members
- rotate team members
These tactics should be balanced with the need to keep enough harmony in the group that it remains effective.
Everyone who reads this book should recognise dysfunctional aspects of themselves and their teams and will hopefully learn something about how to deal with them.
Our subconscious naturally filters out noise so we can focus on the signal (e.g. the voice of the person we are speaking with ahead of the hubbub in the room) and the same mechanisms work to save our conscious mind from dwelling too long on unpleasant topics that we can't do anything about (e.g. the threat of nuclear war or the illness of a family member).
Groups operate in a similar fashion. Group members develop a shared understanding of which topics are good for productive discussion and which are divisive so they can operate efficiently.
These mechanisms are an essential tool for any healthy mind or effective team, but when they go wrong serious delusions, pathological behaviour and poor decisions can follow.
A common mild 'filter malfunction' in individuals results in a neurotic personality type Goleman calls 'the detective'. The detective is intelligent, has a well thought through world view, and is sensitive to any information that threatens his understanding. He constantly searches for new information that supports his case and is adept at twisting facts that should be challenging. At some level he realises there are weaknesses in his arguments and is constantly researching his topic so he can assimilate more information into his world view and avoid surprises. In extreme cases facts get changed to fit theories, rather than the other way round.
In groups the common malfunction is for group members not to voice dissent for fear of upsetting the consensus. This behaviour is often enforced by consensus promoting team members who pressure dissenters to keep their opinions to themselves.
The Bay of Pigs fiasco is a great case study of group poor dynamics resulting in a terrible decision. Shortly after coming to office John F Kennedy approved a covert operation to invade Catro's communist Cuba. 1,400 Cuban exiles, trained by the CIA attacked by sea in what must be one of the most ill conceived military operations of all time.
Catro's 200,000 strong army outnumbered the invaders 43:1 and within two days the assault brigade was hemmed in, and the battle was last. Within three days all surviving members of the brigade had been captured and Kennedy apparently asked 'How could I have been so stupid as to let them go ahead?'
The answer lies in the group dynamics of Kennedy and the six advisors who considered and approved the operation. Their collective belief in the righteousness of their cause and the inevitability of success enabled the group to push forward without checking assumptions that underpinned the operation and made dissenters feel they should keep their opinions to themselves.
Two examples:
- Kennedy and his team thought that 1,400 could defeat 200,000 because the invasion would trigger armed uprisings by an underground throughout Cuba. Two members of the team assured the others that the uprisings would take place and the group went along with their assurance. In fact the CIA had made no such predictions, the experts at the Cuban desk of the state department weren't consulted and no one brought up the results of a poll from the year before showing the vast majority of Cubans supported Castro.
- on hearing that one of the group had doubts, Robert Kennedy the President's brother, took him aside at a cocktail party, listened to his concerns, and said 'You may be right or wrong, but the President has made up his mind. Don't push it any further. Now is the time for everyone to help him all they can.'
I frequently see similar dynamics round the board table which conspire to avoid discussion of difficult topics. Exit strategy and valuation is perhaps the most common example. It's an emotive, subjective and confusing topic and different stakeholders often have different aspirations making it difficult to discuss. Unfortunately it's a key driver of investment and fundraising strategy and not something that should be ignored.
Goleman's remedies for these dysfunctional group dynamics are:
- encourage dissent, possibly going as far as nominating an official dissenter, and watch out for people who stifle dissent
- take responsibility as individuals to speak up rather and not be afraid of upsetting a consensus (consensuaes often turn out to be weaker than everyone believes anyway)
- ensure diversity of background amongst team members
- rotate team members
These tactics should be balanced with the need to keep enough harmony in the group that it remains effective.
Everyone who reads this book should recognise dysfunctional aspects of themselves and their teams and will hopefully learn something about how to deal with them.
April 16, 2012
Finished Vital Lies,Simple Truths: The Psychology of Self-Deception by Daniel Goleman over the weekend. While probably the least exciting book I have read recently - it reminded me quite a bit of my psychology texts from college - the content held enough allure to pull me through it. Even with my prior expsoure to many of the concepts, and considering that much of the thinking is dated (published 1986), there were enough nuggests to ponder, particularly regarding the topic of groupthink.
In my opinion, this book presents a challenge, somewhat, to read. If you have any level of background in cognitive or developmental psychology, I think you will find yourself nodding your head, confirming that you've heard this before,and keep turning the page in hopes of find something new. The text serves as a good reminder of things you may have forgotten, or at least hadn't thought about in awhile. For those who don't have any background in the subject, portions of the text get technical and while Mr. Goleman attempts to explain things, the subject is so large there can't help but to have loose ends dangling.
Overall, a worthwhile read - my recommendation: don't get caught up in the details but stay focused on the main concepts.
In my opinion, this book presents a challenge, somewhat, to read. If you have any level of background in cognitive or developmental psychology, I think you will find yourself nodding your head, confirming that you've heard this before,and keep turning the page in hopes of find something new. The text serves as a good reminder of things you may have forgotten, or at least hadn't thought about in awhile. For those who don't have any background in the subject, portions of the text get technical and while Mr. Goleman attempts to explain things, the subject is so large there can't help but to have loose ends dangling.
Overall, a worthwhile read - my recommendation: don't get caught up in the details but stay focused on the main concepts.
October 8, 2020
Creo que te hacen creer que este libro va a ser de autoayuda pero en realidad ENGAÑA *pun intented y malísimo mi intento*
O sea, trata más sobre qué pasa en nuestra mente, mecanismos del inconciente, y da ejemplos de casos o situaciones para ilustrar las explicaciones.
La primera parte parecía un sinsentido y que no tenía nada que ver con lo que parece ser.
La segunda mitad se pone más interesante.
El final es raro. El autor dice "Mi tesis propone que...", y no sé si lo logró muy bien. Se me hizo más un libro de psicología o psicoanálisis que una argumentación que buscaba convencerme de algo.
Fue raro haberme encontrado en algunas partes, pero me ayudó a hacer más introspectiva.
O sea, trata más sobre qué pasa en nuestra mente, mecanismos del inconciente, y da ejemplos de casos o situaciones para ilustrar las explicaciones.
La primera parte parecía un sinsentido y que no tenía nada que ver con lo que parece ser.
La segunda mitad se pone más interesante.
El final es raro. El autor dice "Mi tesis propone que...", y no sé si lo logró muy bien. Se me hizo más un libro de psicología o psicoanálisis que una argumentación que buscaba convencerme de algo.
Fue raro haberme encontrado en algunas partes, pero me ayudó a hacer más introspectiva.
November 14, 2013
Great discussion of group think.
May 15, 2017
I thought this was an interesting book into the world of self-denial. I would describe the book as a whirlwind tour on the topic. This book offers little practical advice on how to solve self-denial (At the end it briefly mentions finding awareness from an unbiased third party). Instead, it describe the what condition is, and why and where it comes up. It starts off by explaining the basic concept of denial. The main idea is that our psyche will protect ourselves from psychological pain (i.e., anxiety) by "forgetting"/"not noticing"/"blocking" (i.e., denying or denial) the source of our pain. Maybe, an easy example to consider is thinking of our mortality. It can be easier to avoid the thought than by dealing with the anxiety that is produced by thinking about that thought. Our minds can get so good at denial that we may not even notice the lies or the blocking of information that we are performing to ourselves or the groups that we are apart of. Then talks about how the conscious and subconscious operate. The theories of how the subconscious filters out information from or conscious. How there is blind sight a person who is "blind" can describe something they are seeing). There are also chapters on how denial surfaces in relationships, groups and society. Groups may look for members that do not challenge their views on topics and can contribute to group think. The book mentions negative consequences of our denial. However, at the end it also mentions the virtues of denial. As a good salesman or politician it maybe helpful to believe the lies that you are selling. To me this also falls under the "fake it to you make it" mantra, where you maybe able to perform acts that you would not otherwise allow yourself to succeed at. We need the truth, but maybe there is some healthy balance between the truth and the lies we tell (even to ourselves) and the speed at which we transition over to complete truth. Which reminds me of a great piece of information I heard recently: Our subconscious protects of from the truth until our conscious is ready to handle it.
January 4, 2017
My father-in-law gave me this book at some point in the nineties. I remember wondering why this book, as he otherwise didn't give me books. His daughter later revealed to me that he thought I lied when telling a story about seeing a white-tipped reef shark while snorkeling in Maledives. This was at the time we started dating and maybe it was one (of many?) reasons he thought I was struggling with keeping reality and fiction apart and I was in dire need of this book. I never asked him, nor did I get around to finishing the book (I started a number of times).
Now, many years later, I will reread only the sections that I have previously highlighted and base my review on that, as I don't remember much of the book anymore (beside the main concept of the book which I am sure other people have written more eloquently about elsewhere). What follows are page numbers, my past comment and my new comment on that specific section:
Page 21-23, (large parts of the text is highlighted)
Daniel uses a framed painting as a metaphor for our perception. The painting is what the experience and the frame is how we perceive it (we notice what we experience, but rarely how we perceive the experience). As the wrong frame will detract from the picture, a jarred perception will deform the experience and negatively influence one's own actions. A person who is over-sensitive is more likely to suppress and build blind spots. Finally, he writes about the positive and negative effects of filtering information. I like this metaphor, however I entirely forgot it after reading the book.
Page 107, (explanation of the origin of "self" is highlighted)
An explanation of how identity is formed through interactions between the child and parents, family and peers.
Page 108, (a sentence is highlighted)
The sentence (in German) says the a clear sign of egocentricity is the incapacity to include new information into existing thought patterns.
Page 109, (multiple sentences highlighted)
The deceits and prejudice are so common because they help to protect the individual: they protect the integrity of the organised knowledge of the self. Also, it helps prioritise the value of the self as without the organising structure all information would be stored randomly, with it information becomes assimilated and can readily accessed. The self-regard is often deeply flawed: common-looking people think they are beautiful, highly competent people think they are inadequate, incompetent people think they are superior, etc.
Page 110, (multiple parts highlighted*)
Information that is a danger to the self (doesn't tell the story that you tell about yourself) is equally dangerous the the self-regard. This is sufficient to create fear. When self-destroying thoughts become chronic it is a sign of depression. I am surprised that I wrote that person's name next to this text as I don't remember that person as being that negative.
Page 112, *
The asterisk next to the line "people with low self-esteem carry the psychological burden of hard, disapproving parents" is totally obvious to me still (unlike above).
Page 169, (bookmark)
There is a comment of how a child, who has learned to expect rejection from the parents, will react distrustful to comments from peers. The distrustful reaction will elicit a negative response in the peers and thus have created a reinforced vicious circle. I can totally see my wife being caught in this pattern.
Page 190, (bookmark)
A story about how a family deals with the father's death, where one of the boys is being told again and again that he is planning to jeopardise something and the family as a whole realise it and prevent it. The unpreventable father's death gets corrected in the family many times since as the prevent many smaller horrors from happening - a distorted family reality gets created. The problem is, that the boy who gets blamed for the behaviour (for which he is largely not responsible) will be affected for life and potentially will make this apart of his self.
Page 244, "I am the person on page 244 - makes unhappy"
Goleman explains that tactfulness is a foundation of the social alliance that ensures that we share a common "frame". A person (such as I!) who is not tactful represents an attack to social norms. A person with a different "frame" of perception is not rewarded, but often suffers from seeing things (such as peoples real emotions) that others don't.
Page 246, collective self-deceit is social deceit -> taboo
Probably why I thought this page was noteworthy is because of the story of how incompetent peers of one own's profession are protected. Taboos are a very common form of social deception - demarkations of fear-inducing zones of silence. I hate taboos (as it seems like a narrow-framing of reality to me) and although our societies have during my lifetime become increasingly liberal, we have created new taboos that are totally unnecessary (such as a racism ban in Switzerland in the 90es that effectively bans for example a public discussion with a holocaust-denier, etc.)
Page 266, (bookmark)
The self-deceit of downplaying large risks has in the human evolution aided bravery and boldness. The act of perception and also an act of selection. Our survival as a species has likely been promoted from this ability to filter. The negative effects come when our filters are keeping out events that have caused pain and no longer allow information that might be relevant, even if the information is painful.
As I am about to part-take in one of the large established social self-deceit called "entrepreneurism" I have enjoyed reading through parts of this book for the review. Considering that the book is from the 80es and so much has happened in the space of self-discovery, it still seems very relevant today (although some insights must be outdated). For the content I would give the book 4 stars, however the German translation makes many sentences needlessly complicated. If there is a never German translation around, I'd recommend you try that one.
* I wrote a friend's name next to text
Now, many years later, I will reread only the sections that I have previously highlighted and base my review on that, as I don't remember much of the book anymore (beside the main concept of the book which I am sure other people have written more eloquently about elsewhere). What follows are page numbers, my past comment and my new comment on that specific section:
Page 21-23, (large parts of the text is highlighted)
Daniel uses a framed painting as a metaphor for our perception. The painting is what the experience and the frame is how we perceive it (we notice what we experience, but rarely how we perceive the experience). As the wrong frame will detract from the picture, a jarred perception will deform the experience and negatively influence one's own actions. A person who is over-sensitive is more likely to suppress and build blind spots. Finally, he writes about the positive and negative effects of filtering information. I like this metaphor, however I entirely forgot it after reading the book.
Page 107, (explanation of the origin of "self" is highlighted)
An explanation of how identity is formed through interactions between the child and parents, family and peers.
Page 108, (a sentence is highlighted)
The sentence (in German) says the a clear sign of egocentricity is the incapacity to include new information into existing thought patterns.
Page 109, (multiple sentences highlighted)
The deceits and prejudice are so common because they help to protect the individual: they protect the integrity of the organised knowledge of the self. Also, it helps prioritise the value of the self as without the organising structure all information would be stored randomly, with it information becomes assimilated and can readily accessed. The self-regard is often deeply flawed: common-looking people think they are beautiful, highly competent people think they are inadequate, incompetent people think they are superior, etc.
Page 110, (multiple parts highlighted*)
Information that is a danger to the self (doesn't tell the story that you tell about yourself) is equally dangerous the the self-regard. This is sufficient to create fear. When self-destroying thoughts become chronic it is a sign of depression. I am surprised that I wrote that person's name next to this text as I don't remember that person as being that negative.
Page 112, *
The asterisk next to the line "people with low self-esteem carry the psychological burden of hard, disapproving parents" is totally obvious to me still (unlike above).
Page 169, (bookmark)
There is a comment of how a child, who has learned to expect rejection from the parents, will react distrustful to comments from peers. The distrustful reaction will elicit a negative response in the peers and thus have created a reinforced vicious circle. I can totally see my wife being caught in this pattern.
Page 190, (bookmark)
A story about how a family deals with the father's death, where one of the boys is being told again and again that he is planning to jeopardise something and the family as a whole realise it and prevent it. The unpreventable father's death gets corrected in the family many times since as the prevent many smaller horrors from happening - a distorted family reality gets created. The problem is, that the boy who gets blamed for the behaviour (for which he is largely not responsible) will be affected for life and potentially will make this apart of his self.
Page 244, "I am the person on page 244 - makes unhappy"
Goleman explains that tactfulness is a foundation of the social alliance that ensures that we share a common "frame". A person (such as I!) who is not tactful represents an attack to social norms. A person with a different "frame" of perception is not rewarded, but often suffers from seeing things (such as peoples real emotions) that others don't.
Page 246, collective self-deceit is social deceit -> taboo
Probably why I thought this page was noteworthy is because of the story of how incompetent peers of one own's profession are protected. Taboos are a very common form of social deception - demarkations of fear-inducing zones of silence. I hate taboos (as it seems like a narrow-framing of reality to me) and although our societies have during my lifetime become increasingly liberal, we have created new taboos that are totally unnecessary (such as a racism ban in Switzerland in the 90es that effectively bans for example a public discussion with a holocaust-denier, etc.)
Page 266, (bookmark)
The self-deceit of downplaying large risks has in the human evolution aided bravery and boldness. The act of perception and also an act of selection. Our survival as a species has likely been promoted from this ability to filter. The negative effects come when our filters are keeping out events that have caused pain and no longer allow information that might be relevant, even if the information is painful.
As I am about to part-take in one of the large established social self-deceit called "entrepreneurism" I have enjoyed reading through parts of this book for the review. Considering that the book is from the 80es and so much has happened in the space of self-discovery, it still seems very relevant today (although some insights must be outdated). For the content I would give the book 4 stars, however the German translation makes many sentences needlessly complicated. If there is a never German translation around, I'd recommend you try that one.
* I wrote a friend's name next to text
March 15, 2021
The author draws arguments from Freudian theories and debates the extent to which information is stored in our long-term memories with apt detail provided through contrasting opinions of scholars such as Norman, Broadbent and Shevrin through concepts such as having “blindsight”, “lacuna”, “repression” etc. He explains how these information shapes the development of schemas and highlights on the ideas of Piaget in its role of cognitive development in shaping our mindsets at an early age with the concepts “assimilation and “accommodation”. Through the findings of Goffman’s concept of “Frames” and studies by Reiss on how we our approach specific problems due to influence from a shared outlook lens within our family, the information you find in this book is indispensable. The most interesting sections were the cpaters in which Goleman beautifully portrayed the ways in which we deceive ourselves, examined through the lens of scholars such as Horowitz, Greenwald, Epstein, Erdelyi, Anna Freud, Sullivan, Millon, etc.
Such a thorough read and a definite refresher to keep on hand even for a later date. Might pick up the more recent version.
Such a thorough read and a definite refresher to keep on hand even for a later date. Might pick up the more recent version.
November 28, 2011
It was good as far as it went, but I don't really feel like I learned anything I didn't already know.
June 28, 2012
Quite a surprise read. Found it full of interesting and useful information. Really identifies well many of the deceptions we play on ourselves in protect ourselves in some form.
April 29, 2019
Great begining but then it just became exhausting and pathless
August 11, 2022
The book to read if you want to understand the mechanisms of anxiety
March 25, 2023
Ho studiato psicologia in triennale quindi la maggior parte delle informazioni contenute nel libro erano già assodate per me. Nonostante questo penso che l’autore sia molto chiaro nella spiegazione dei concetti, che diventano quindi facilmente fruibili anche per chi non è magari specializzato nell’ambito.
Pecca secondo me significativa è che è troppo lungo e alcune parti sono un po’ superflue e ripetitive, tanti giri intorno agli stessi concetti e arrivi alla fine che ti sembra di essere andato costantemente avanti e indietro nella spiegazione per arrivare allo stesso punto.
Pecca secondo me significativa è che è troppo lungo e alcune parti sono un po’ superflue e ripetitive, tanti giri intorno agli stessi concetti e arrivi alla fine che ti sembra di essere andato costantemente avanti e indietro nella spiegazione per arrivare allo stesso punto.
February 10, 2025
Y al final, pude entender el valor del libro. Tardé en encontrarle relación a lo que en su momento parecía sin orden.
Tiene apartados con puntos interesantes sobre la atención, las masas y lo que ignoramos.
Gran parte de lo que leí lo he visto en otros autores por lo que no lo sentí tan revelador (de hecho sus puntos más fuertes son mini insights que tiene a Orwell o Dostoyevski). Al final se ganó la 4ta estrella.
Tiene apartados con puntos interesantes sobre la atención, las masas y lo que ignoramos.
Gran parte de lo que leí lo he visto en otros autores por lo que no lo sentí tan revelador (de hecho sus puntos más fuertes son mini insights que tiene a Orwell o Dostoyevski). Al final se ganó la 4ta estrella.
August 15, 2020
I read this book many years back, and just now hauled it out to review as a keeper versus donation. Some parts were interesting but I feel there was too much presumption, and maybe making the example fit the opinions. I had marked it up with points to question etc. So I guess it’s for the recycle bin.
September 30, 2022
"C'è una sorta di spinta gravitazionale che allontana dalla mente i fatti spiacevoli. (...) Elie Wiesel, sopravvissuto di Auschwitz e di Buchenwald, dice 'La memoria è il nostro scudo, il nostro solo scudo'. (...) Ma questi ricordi ci giungono come l'Antico Marinaio, che ci trattiene per raccontarci storie più dure di quelle che altrimenti sceglieremmo di ascoltare."
June 28, 2018
Es el primer libro relacionado con la psicología que leo... Sin duda Daniel Goleman, autor y referente del tema me deja un gran entusiasmo por seguir leyendo sus obras. Un libro muy digerible y ameno.
July 12, 2020
El libro contiene información interesante, habla bastante sobre los mecanismos de defensa, y las dinámicas de grupo. Aun así, creo que el libro contiene algo de paja, me sigue gustando más el libro de inteligencia emocional.
August 12, 2021
Informative book on how our brain functions and how it tries to protect us from anxiety. Somewhere between the two poles- living a life of vital lies and speaking truth, there lies a skillful mean, a path to sanity and survival.
March 20, 2024
Un libro muy técnico y académico, si bien así son los libros del autor y este no es la excepción. Podría digerir más la información sin caer en el estilo recetario para hacerlo más ameno y profundo sin caer en lo tedioso y aburrido.
October 23, 2018
This book is an essential reading to understand the psychology of self deception and why humans lie.
October 8, 2022
Quick review. 'Great book. Why? Goleman clarifies how we deceive ourselves and why it happens. 'Very helpful in the real world.
February 9, 2023
Thought provoking.
August 14, 2023
DNF because illegible on my kindle or on iPad kindle app.
October 20, 2024
Muy interesante !!
August 14, 2025
al igual que la inteligencia emocional, muy facil de leer y lleva de una manera muy efectiva a la introspección
August 24, 2025
Not so gripping, felt a bit too complex and hard to stick with or retain due to the vast amount of information in every chapter.
November 11, 2025
Un libro muy interesante.
September 9, 2023
Not all people tell themselves false stories. God's word, the Bible, says that some have honest hearts. The word bible means book. I have heard of comic books, cooking books, cartography books, physics books, chemistry books, biology books, photography books, English books, Latin-English dictionaries, map books or map dictionaries also known as atlases which is another way of saying more than one atlas and whatever.
January 17, 2016
Goleman states his thesis using three premises in the early pages of his book: (1) The mind can protect itself against anxiety by dimming awareness. (2) This mechanism creates a blind spot: a zone of blocked attention and self-deception. (3) Such blind spots occur at each major level of behavior from the psychological to the social. (p. 22)
With these principles as his map, Goleman writes an excellent study of human psychological behavior that, whether the reader approaches it as a journal of self-discovery (like me) or as a explanation for social "groupthink" (like me, again), it proved to be very helpful. I enjoyed how Goleman supported his ideas with recent research and how he used quotes and references to support his ideas. Mapping out why we cover our anxieties with delusional behaviors, well, I think it is fascinating and the applications are immense.
With these principles as his map, Goleman writes an excellent study of human psychological behavior that, whether the reader approaches it as a journal of self-discovery (like me) or as a explanation for social "groupthink" (like me, again), it proved to be very helpful. I enjoyed how Goleman supported his ideas with recent research and how he used quotes and references to support his ideas. Mapping out why we cover our anxieties with delusional behaviors, well, I think it is fascinating and the applications are immense.
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