What do you think?
Rate this book
A Family Shaped by Grace: How to Get Along with the People Who Matter Most
As a teenager, Gary Morland lived in an unhappy, dysfunctional family characterized by addiction and disharmony. When he started a family of his own, he brought with him those same destructive patterns. Yet he sensed there must be a way to have a family shaped by acceptance and grace, a family that was loving, whole, and at peace with one another. The problem was, he didn't know how.In this life-giving book, Morland shares his journey of discovering the timeless tools of family peace that transformed him and his family. He shows how these tools broke the unhealthy patterns of the family he grew up in and saved his relationship with his wife and two daughters. With refreshing honesty and humility, he helps readers believe that they too can start from where they are right now--no matter how broken--to transform their family culture and their family legacy and to generously offer grace to the people who matter most in their lives.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 6, 2017
40 people are currently reading
886 people want to read
About the author
Gary Morland
3 books13 followersGary Morland is a professional communicator with more than thirty years of radio experience sharing his own life story and helping others share theirs. As a twenty-five-year sober alcoholic, he describes himself as "a guy who should have died but didn't, with a wife who should have left but stayed." If anyone knows the power of grace and forgiveness, it's Gary. He and his wife, Brenda, are the parents of authors Emily P. Freeman and Myquillyn Smith (The Nester). They live in North Carolina.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
January 12, 2024
Update 1-2024: read again. I read this book about every year (just don’t post it here). Reinforces the lesson and calms me.
Update 9-30-21: Read again. This book grounds me. Wish I would have read (and been open to) it 20 years ago!
Update 4-26-20: Finished reading Again for like the 5th time? This is my go-to book on how to get along with my family, esp. during Corona Time. Comfort reading for me .
Very good read. This book helped me to see that results are up to God, I'm just an access to my family for Him. I'm to model, encourage, forgive, love, my family; in short, give them Grace. Don't keep score, don't automatically assume the worse. You can't change anyone, you can't save anyone. But God can! So, be that access, be that avenue of Grace for them. I found this at the library, but just ordered one for myself from Amazon (it's on sale right now, btw), to have on hand as a reminder that it's not all up to me! I'm not in control. What a relief!!!!!
Update 9-30-21: Read again. This book grounds me. Wish I would have read (and been open to) it 20 years ago!
Update 4-26-20: Finished reading Again for like the 5th time? This is my go-to book on how to get along with my family, esp. during Corona Time. Comfort reading for me .
Very good read. This book helped me to see that results are up to God, I'm just an access to my family for Him. I'm to model, encourage, forgive, love, my family; in short, give them Grace. Don't keep score, don't automatically assume the worse. You can't change anyone, you can't save anyone. But God can! So, be that access, be that avenue of Grace for them. I found this at the library, but just ordered one for myself from Amazon (it's on sale right now, btw), to have on hand as a reminder that it's not all up to me! I'm not in control. What a relief!!!!!
November 7, 2017
Good insight on changing family dynamics & it’s based on scripture. My 3 stars is only because it was super repetitive & could’ve been summarized in a few chapters, in my opinion.
June 15, 2017
Practical, encouraging, and grace-filled. I will continue to go back to these wise words over and over.
May 31, 2017
A book that nudges your own spirit to relook at all of your "family" lovingly and manifests greatly how each of us has individual responsibilities towards the giving and receiving of grace--the change maker of the futures of relationships. A book of wisdom and experience and knowledge, a must read for anyone with family ( that's all of us). It was an honor to be included in this launch team and it's a book I have already verbally recommended to others. It will be on my Christmas list for the ones God has placed on my heart that need this book desperately. It is a game changer for a world that is made up of family. #afamilyshapedbygrace
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 5, 2017
When I signed up for this launch team, I have to be honest: I was mostly interested in hearing from Emily & Myquillyn's dad. I hoped to get maybe one or two nuggets from him.
Man. Gary blew me away. This book is full of gentle but forthright guidance to repair and invest in the relationships most important to us. He is full of wisdom, obtained the hard way. While he doesn't soften the hard truths, he does fill the book with encouragement and attainable goals. Start small and start now.
This is a book I will be referencing often as a parent, a spouse, a daughter, a sister and an in-law.
I firmly believe we will never regret investing in these relationships and adding more grace to the people who matter most.
Man. Gary blew me away. This book is full of gentle but forthright guidance to repair and invest in the relationships most important to us. He is full of wisdom, obtained the hard way. While he doesn't soften the hard truths, he does fill the book with encouragement and attainable goals. Start small and start now.
This is a book I will be referencing often as a parent, a spouse, a daughter, a sister and an in-law.
I firmly believe we will never regret investing in these relationships and adding more grace to the people who matter most.
June 23, 2017
I received a digital copy of “A Family Shaped by Grace” by Gary Morland through NetGalley in exchange for a review. These are my honest opinions.
I first heard of Gary Morland because of his daughters, Myquillyn and Emily, bloggers and writers I follow. I also knew of him the HopeWriters podcast he has with his daughters. But I didn’t know his story. I didn’t know his heart. In Gary’s new book "A Family Shaped by Grace," we get to see both.
Gary grew up in a dysfunctional family that carried over to his own. He wrote candidly about the destructive patterns he learned and eventually lived out. He showed us how history repeated itself, and what it took to break the cycle in his own family. He then gave tools we can use to break the disharmony in our own families.
I enjoyed the blend of inspirational and practical insights Gary shared in this book. His “Everyday Tactics of Family Disharmony” and “Timeless Tools of Family Peace” were helpful in looking at family in a different perspective. It’s often harder to step into the shoes of those closest to us. Gary’s insights in this book helped make that step easier.
Gary first challenged readers to look within them and find true peace in Jesus. I loved that he made this point several times because if we want to correct or heal or better the broken parts in our families, we first need to correct, heal, and better ourselves. That’s best done not by our strength, but by the strength, mercy, and grace of Jesus Christ. It starts with us, and Gary showed us, through his own story, how this is very true.
Then Gary challenged readers to rethink the way they think about family and different family members. It was indeed a challenge, but one that brings a refreshing perspective to family relationships and interactions.
"A Family Shaped by Grace" was both easy and challenging to read. It was easy because Gary was clear and concise. It was challenging for the sole fact that family is challenging. This book will make you take a good, honest look at yourself and your family. If you want to change something about your family dynamics, this is the book for you but get ready to roll up your sleeves and work. By Gary’s own experience, however, we know it’s worth it.
I recommend this book for anyone who wants a positive change for their family. Even if you’re not married or a parent, this book will help you look at the family you grew up in and recognize any destructive patterns or Tactics of Family Disharmony that have carried onto your own life and might carry onto your future family.
I first heard of Gary Morland because of his daughters, Myquillyn and Emily, bloggers and writers I follow. I also knew of him the HopeWriters podcast he has with his daughters. But I didn’t know his story. I didn’t know his heart. In Gary’s new book "A Family Shaped by Grace," we get to see both.
Gary grew up in a dysfunctional family that carried over to his own. He wrote candidly about the destructive patterns he learned and eventually lived out. He showed us how history repeated itself, and what it took to break the cycle in his own family. He then gave tools we can use to break the disharmony in our own families.
I enjoyed the blend of inspirational and practical insights Gary shared in this book. His “Everyday Tactics of Family Disharmony” and “Timeless Tools of Family Peace” were helpful in looking at family in a different perspective. It’s often harder to step into the shoes of those closest to us. Gary’s insights in this book helped make that step easier.
Gary first challenged readers to look within them and find true peace in Jesus. I loved that he made this point several times because if we want to correct or heal or better the broken parts in our families, we first need to correct, heal, and better ourselves. That’s best done not by our strength, but by the strength, mercy, and grace of Jesus Christ. It starts with us, and Gary showed us, through his own story, how this is very true.
Then Gary challenged readers to rethink the way they think about family and different family members. It was indeed a challenge, but one that brings a refreshing perspective to family relationships and interactions.
"A Family Shaped by Grace" was both easy and challenging to read. It was easy because Gary was clear and concise. It was challenging for the sole fact that family is challenging. This book will make you take a good, honest look at yourself and your family. If you want to change something about your family dynamics, this is the book for you but get ready to roll up your sleeves and work. By Gary’s own experience, however, we know it’s worth it.
I recommend this book for anyone who wants a positive change for their family. Even if you’re not married or a parent, this book will help you look at the family you grew up in and recognize any destructive patterns or Tactics of Family Disharmony that have carried onto your own life and might carry onto your future family.
June 6, 2017
The book begins with the stage set in a Panera shop, sitting across from the author, Gary as the reader hypothetically shares their dream for their family, their disappointments and all they hope to change. Then, Gary shares his heart about family and the hope there is when family doesn't look the way it ought. He came from a family marked by alcoholism, and grew up to be an alcoholic himself. Yet, because he experienced grace, he and his family got to live a different kind of story. Gary shares honestly and humbly about what he has learned. I feel like I am growing all the time in how to relate to my family, as it has changed since becoming an adult and starting my own family. This book was gentle but convicting as I thought through the nature of family, what hurtful patterns that I contribute to and how to be part of a positive change.
"Families are wired for attitudes, expectations, perspectives, and actions to spread. Family is designed to be the easiest place to experience and learn love and grace. It's also the easiest place to learn dysfunction. The opportunities to be offended and misunderstood are endless. The result of such offenses and misunderstandings is tension and bitterness. Parents, children, in-laws, grandparents--the entire family ends up living in this tension and bitterness.
But there's hope, because the opportunities for grace and love are also daily and endless. And there's hope because you can pick what you want others to "catch." When you try to influence for good, the contagious design of family automatically helps you.
Another reason for hope is that humans are created in God's image, with a built-in seed that longs to bear fruit that looks like God. We're wired to respond to encouragement and grace." (90-91)
This book is for anyone who wants something different for their family. This book is for anyone brave enough to look in the mirror and see the role you play in your family and what might need to change. This book is for anyone who wants to grow. A- for me.
*Revell Publishers provided me with a complimentary copy of this book. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255
"Families are wired for attitudes, expectations, perspectives, and actions to spread. Family is designed to be the easiest place to experience and learn love and grace. It's also the easiest place to learn dysfunction. The opportunities to be offended and misunderstood are endless. The result of such offenses and misunderstandings is tension and bitterness. Parents, children, in-laws, grandparents--the entire family ends up living in this tension and bitterness.
But there's hope, because the opportunities for grace and love are also daily and endless. And there's hope because you can pick what you want others to "catch." When you try to influence for good, the contagious design of family automatically helps you.
Another reason for hope is that humans are created in God's image, with a built-in seed that longs to bear fruit that looks like God. We're wired to respond to encouragement and grace." (90-91)
This book is for anyone who wants something different for their family. This book is for anyone brave enough to look in the mirror and see the role you play in your family and what might need to change. This book is for anyone who wants to grow. A- for me.
*Revell Publishers provided me with a complimentary copy of this book. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255
June 26, 2017
"Dad wasn’t a believer for most of our childhood. He didn’t even go to church for show or out of duty. Instead, he stayed home every Sunday morning, drank beer, and listened to Bruce Springsteen records.....One day Dad stopped drinking, and awhile after that, he told us he accepted Jesus. That’s when the story gets interesting. This book is about what happened next, about how a man who never had a proper role model of a healthy family life learned to be a husband and father so that we could never say we didn’t have a proper role model of a healthy family life."
This is a story of redemption shaped by grace in the midst of despair. Gary Moreland did not have a healthy family atmosphere when he was growing up. He had to learn to adapt and make excuses for his alcoholic father. This led to Gary developing the same habits and family relationships in his adult life. Then, by the Grace of God, things change for Gary. He puts the bottle down. And then he finds Jesus. Shortly after that Gary meets a man who disciples him and puts him on the path to salvation and a happy family relationship.
This book is enlightening and full of hope. You will find practical and encouraging advice that you can use to make positive changes in your family dynamic, even if you just start small and grow bigger. Moreland introduces the "Everyday Tactics of Family Disharmony" that keep you from experiencing joy and peace in your family relationships. Then he gives you the "Timeless Tools of Family Peace" and practical steps to take to repair and improve your family relationships.
I recommend this book to all Christians, especially those who struggle to distinguish between what is normal and abnormal in relation to family life. This book will help you take the steps to discover peace and happiness in yourself and your family. I received this as a free ARC from Revell Books, Baker Publishing Company on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
This is a story of redemption shaped by grace in the midst of despair. Gary Moreland did not have a healthy family atmosphere when he was growing up. He had to learn to adapt and make excuses for his alcoholic father. This led to Gary developing the same habits and family relationships in his adult life. Then, by the Grace of God, things change for Gary. He puts the bottle down. And then he finds Jesus. Shortly after that Gary meets a man who disciples him and puts him on the path to salvation and a happy family relationship.
This book is enlightening and full of hope. You will find practical and encouraging advice that you can use to make positive changes in your family dynamic, even if you just start small and grow bigger. Moreland introduces the "Everyday Tactics of Family Disharmony" that keep you from experiencing joy and peace in your family relationships. Then he gives you the "Timeless Tools of Family Peace" and practical steps to take to repair and improve your family relationships.
I recommend this book to all Christians, especially those who struggle to distinguish between what is normal and abnormal in relation to family life. This book will help you take the steps to discover peace and happiness in yourself and your family. I received this as a free ARC from Revell Books, Baker Publishing Company on NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 21, 2017
Families can be our greatest joy and our greatest frustration! In this book, Gary Morland takes us on his own personal journey growing up in a dysfunctional family, and then navigating the murky waters of alcoholism while attempting to raise a family of his own. We learn through his revelations and ongoing lessons what needs to be done and undone in order to create harmony in the home. With a kind and gentle voice, and generous sprinkling of dad humour, he helps us to see areas in our own family life where we can use practical tools to become more patient, attentive, sensitive, peaceful, and loving. That our homes would be “the place where people know you best yet love you most.” What family doesn’t need grace? It was my joy to be on the launch team for A Family Shaped by Grace, packed with personal anecdotes, Biblical references, practical tips, and honest words of encouragement. After sitting down with this book and a good cup of coffee, it’s my hope that each reader would be able to implement some of the lessons therein, and declare: “Our family has grown into a safe place to launch and a soft place to land.”
June 6, 2017
Written with humble wisdom and thoughtful, practical insight, A Family Shaped by Grace is a beautiful book that will not only resonate in your life, but will impact the generations of your family to come. Through the sharing of his own story, Gary allows us in to see what happens when we start to own and be the change in our lives and the impact it has on those we love most. Reading this book, I found myself shaking my head yes! and underlining paragraphs and feeling grateful to have all of these wise words laid out. He provides encouragement for what we can do in our families. Raising five boys, it is important to me to guide my sons in understanding the role they play within not only their own stories but the stories of those to come. And how grace transcends everything. Without grace woven throughout, it would be another how-to book. Only with and by grace, does Gary shine light on real ways to grow and positively impact our families that withstand time. To help us live out, along with our loved ones, the entirety of who we were created to be.
June 6, 2017
With the voice of a compassionate friend and hard-earned-wisdom of a loving father, Gary Morland has written a timeless guide for families who long for laughter, grace and life-giving relationships with each other. Unlike many how-to books for fixing dysfunctional families, A Family Shaped by Grace is a gentle guide penned by a shepherd-hearted leader, learner, husband and father, who was wrecked by addiction and regrets yet determined to learn from the past and create a better future for his family - and now ours!
One of my favorite quotes is: "Your family's hidden treasure is you. Well, actually, the treasure is your presence in your family. There's a subtle difference between you and your presence. Your presence is God's access to your family." If you are looking for hope and a mentor to show you how to find a grace-filled future for your most important relationships, read this book!
One of my favorite quotes is: "Your family's hidden treasure is you. Well, actually, the treasure is your presence in your family. There's a subtle difference between you and your presence. Your presence is God's access to your family." If you are looking for hope and a mentor to show you how to find a grace-filled future for your most important relationships, read this book!
June 6, 2017
What I like so much about this book is the easy-to-read format and the content that can help any person to improve their relationships within their family. Gary Morland writes in a way that helps the reader feel guided along a difficult to navigate path in family relationships. The humility that comes through the pages is a comfort to the reader. "Even though our section of the river is an adventure to us, we know the river starts way before we got in. And the river ends way after we get out. Just like our families." The practical help is applicable to all.
Being a staff member of a church, (Youth Director) I am recommending this book and utilizing its contents to help families in our congregation.
Being a staff member of a church, (Youth Director) I am recommending this book and utilizing its contents to help families in our congregation.
June 7, 2017
I've been a fan of Gary's daughter, Emily Freeman,and her writing for some time, and was really excited to find out her dad had a book coming out sharing his perspective on their family dynamics. A Family Shaped by Grace is a combination of Gary's personal testimony of what God and mentors have done in his life and in the life of his family, and a workbook/guide on how to replicate those tools in YOUR family. It has been super helpful in identifying problems with how I interact and approach my family, but it also provides ideas and tools to change my ways within my family. It has been such a helpful book for me, and I can't wait to start implementing the things Gary has taught me. This book is worth your time to help you find redemption and healing in the family God has placed you in.
September 19, 2017
I picked this up because I sometimes read Emily P. Freeman's blog and Gary Morland is her dad. There was nothing earth shattering in this book, but he said there wouldn't be. It's very practical, and I didn't use it to its full potential. It's full of good reminders about how to improve important relationships. And based on Scripture, which I appreciate. I didn't love the layout of the book; it has a LOT of pull quotes, which I find awkward in books. Also, I don't think I've ever read a book that told me what it was going to tell me so much. It was incredibly repetitive. Still, I would definitely recommend this to someone struggling with a familial relationship, and I'll keep it in mind for the future.
June 24, 2021
I really appreciated how transparent and honest Gary was from the very first pages of his book. Before he shares wisdom gathered over decades, he first reveals decades of hurt, pain, and a sense of feeling lost. It immediately helped me connect with him. Because of this, I enjoyed the first couple of chapters the most.
The rest of the book was mostly focused on teaching lessons about how to thrive and flourish in your family relationships. I was expecting this to be more of a memoir but it’s actually a guidebook with prompts and exercises all families can benefit from.
Some of the exercises made me feel even more grateful for my quality of family relationships. I’m not sure I was the target audience for this book, but I can see it being an impactful read for the right reader.
The rest of the book was mostly focused on teaching lessons about how to thrive and flourish in your family relationships. I was expecting this to be more of a memoir but it’s actually a guidebook with prompts and exercises all families can benefit from.
Some of the exercises made me feel even more grateful for my quality of family relationships. I’m not sure I was the target audience for this book, but I can see it being an impactful read for the right reader.
June 6, 2017
Gary Morland’s new book, A Family Shaped by Grace, is a must read for anyone who desires peace and stability in their family. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I picked this up - I grew up in a very loving, happy home and wondered if I would be able to relate to the content. But I quickly discovered that I did! Gary’s metaphor of a river beautifully describes the bigger picture: my family’s past, my family’s future, and where I fit into it Gary weaves his compelling story in with practical steps to improve your own family relationships. I found it to be honest, straight-forward and real - and recommend it to anyone ready to have a family shaped by grace.
June 7, 2017
This book was an incredible, beautiful writing and compelling to read with full of the powerful and insight into the supernatural peacefulness that God had available for everyone and the family can be used and learn many lesson and inspire all the family with love by grace of God to people who matter most in your life as well. The Author of this book Gary Morland he is a professional communicator with more than 30 years of radio experience sharing his own life story and helping other share theirs. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. " I received this book free from Revell Reads for this review "
July 13, 2020
This book was ok, but I got about halfway through and gave up on it. The premise is that Gary Morland went from an alcoholic to a loving husband, father and grandfather and will teach you how you too can improve your relationships.
It starts out promising but ends up giving the subject matter a very superficial treatment. The advice is very vague and general -- get your peace right and encourage six times more are among the "Timeless Tools of Family Peace." The book can be summed up as be a good person and a good Christian and your family will improve. Not a bad message but not something I need to read a whole book to learn.
It starts out promising but ends up giving the subject matter a very superficial treatment. The advice is very vague and general -- get your peace right and encourage six times more are among the "Timeless Tools of Family Peace." The book can be summed up as be a good person and a good Christian and your family will improve. Not a bad message but not something I need to read a whole book to learn.
June 6, 2017
A lot of us have habits and attitudes that derail our hopes and intentions for happier family relationships. A Family Shaped By Grace introduces a toolkit of practices and mindsets to change the atmosphere and tone in your family to one of greater harmony. Gary Morland is a gentle coach, mentoring through example, humour and wisdom. My advance reader copy is filled with highlighted passages! I'm encouraged to see how I can improve my share of several relationships.
June 6, 2017
I didn't even know how much I needed this book!
This book helped me see just how influential I can be in shaping the relationships and dynamics of my family. The book includes practical exercises to help you think through and apply the insights to your most challenging relationships. Not only is the author's own story inspiring in its own right, but the wisdom he offers for all families is insightful, practical, and useful.
This book helped me see just how influential I can be in shaping the relationships and dynamics of my family. The book includes practical exercises to help you think through and apply the insights to your most challenging relationships. Not only is the author's own story inspiring in its own right, but the wisdom he offers for all families is insightful, practical, and useful.
August 14, 2018
This book is incredible in my opinion and already on my list of favorite reads for 2018. I love the author’s writing style and gentle, easy, and relatable voice.You won’t find this book preaching at you. The author knows what it is to live life life without offering or receiving grace and in the pull of stressful family situations. Gary Morland shares his story and how he learned to love Jesus, reject alcohol and pick up the right tools to use in shaping lasting and loving family relationships.
June 6, 2017
"You were made to fit in your unique family for their good, your good, and the good of the world."
Gary has lived the good, bad, and ugly of "A Family Shaped by Grace" and I'm beyond grateful that he chose to write it all down for us in this book. His words pierce my heart with conviction, grace & encouragement. I highly recommend you add this book to your library!
Gary has lived the good, bad, and ugly of "A Family Shaped by Grace" and I'm beyond grateful that he chose to write it all down for us in this book. His words pierce my heart with conviction, grace & encouragement. I highly recommend you add this book to your library!
June 6, 2017
If you'd like to feel more joy in your family, then GO READ THIS BOOK! Gary shares his personal story, from alcoholism and dysfunction to creating a family atmosphere of love, support, acceptance, grace, and pure joy! He tells you how you can do it too, by taking small steps. This book contains principals, that is applied, will absolutely changes lives, families, communities, and the world!
June 29, 2017
I read a lot of books about parenting, families, and marriage. Rarely does such a nonfiction book grip me like this one did. The first paragraph is written beautifully and tells the story of the author's alcoholism and dramatic life change. Read this book. It's wonderful for families. I received a free ARC from NetGalley.
August 4, 2017
This book! Chalk full of real, honest, doable advice and tools for creating the best family atmosphere by starting with yourself! I was excited to join the launch team for this book, and it never disappointed. So much so that everyone in my family has read it now, including my 18 yr old!
Well done, Gary Morland, well done, sir! I look forward to the next one!
Well done, Gary Morland, well done, sir! I look forward to the next one!
June 6, 2017
I couldn't recommend this book more highly! This isn't your typical "relationships" book, it is so much more! It is so practical and timeless. If you have relationships of any sort this book is for you. It will change your life, if you let it. The only catch? It all begins with you :)
May 21, 2019
Such a good, practical book for managing challenging relationships of all kinds, though it does focus on family relationships. Full of examples, introspective questions, and bits of wisdom for transforming our hearts and families.
June 5, 2017
Here are two quotes from this book that have really stuck with me. Truthfully, my book is all underlined and marked up, it is so fully of wonderful bits. A must read.
"Relationships come first."
"Grace and patience dominates."
A beautifully written, practical book on how small acts of service, encouragement and grace can change the course of your family.
"Relationships come first."
"Grace and patience dominates."
A beautifully written, practical book on how small acts of service, encouragement and grace can change the course of your family.
May 7, 2019
Great thoughts, lots of repetition of those thoughts.
July 25, 2019
Inspirational book that offers hope and healing. My husband and I read it aloud twice. We then bought copies for both of our adult children.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews