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Capture His Heart: Becoming the Godly Wife Your Husband Desires
A truly fulfilling marriage involves two people focusing on each others' needs rather than their own. Lysa TerKeurst, president of The Proverbs 31 Ministry, has written a practical guide for each spouse that will open their eyes to the needs, desires, and longings of the other. She offers eight essential criteria for capturing the heart of your spouse, with creative tips on how to accomplish them. Having a great marriage takes time, creativity, and willingness. Capture His Heart and Capture Her Heart are excellent tools to help spouses run this very worthwhile race.
Author Biography: Lysa TerKeurst is vice president of The Proverbs 31 Ministry and co-host of the ministry's radio program. A feature writer for the ministry's newsletter, Lysa speaks at women's conferences and retreats. She is the author of Living Life on Purpose, The Sweetest Story Ever Told, and co-author of Seven Life Principles for Every Woman. She and her husband, Art, live just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, with their three daughters Hope, Ashley, and Brooke.
160 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2002
144 people are currently reading
1195 people want to read
About the author
Lysa TerKeurst
143 books32.6k followersLysa TerKeurst is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the New York Times best-selling author of Univited, The Best Yes, Unglued, Made to Crave, and 18 other books. Her newest book, It’s Not Supposed to be This Way, is scheduled for release in November of 2018. Lysa was recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has been published in multiple publications such as CNN and Fox News online. Additionally, she has appeared on the Today Show as one of the leading voices in the Christian community.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at more than 40 events across North America, including the Women of Joy Conferences and the Catalyst Leadership Conference. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God's glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries' annual She Speaks Conference and writer training program, COMPEL: Words That Move People.
Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at http://lysaterkeurst.com/.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at more than 40 events across North America, including the Women of Joy Conferences and the Catalyst Leadership Conference. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God's glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries' annual She Speaks Conference and writer training program, COMPEL: Words That Move People.
Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at http://lysaterkeurst.com/.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
March 31, 2020
There are some helpful gems in “Capture His Heart,” but these gems are buried in dangerous stereotypes for both men and women. I disliked that TerKeurst compared men to wild animals who shouldn’t be domesticated. My husband even thought it harmful. Instead of reading this book, sit down with your husband and ask him how you can love him better. That’s what I did, and it’s made a bigger difference than this book.
June 25, 2019
Don't read this crap. I read the part about beauty (physical appearance kind of beauty in this instance), and to summarize it pretty briefly and accurately, the author thinks that women are meant to be very feminine and beautiful, they are meant to be beautiful for their husbands, that a husband sees his wife's beauty or lack thereof as a reflection on his personal good judgment, that husbands inherently just love to show off their wives for their own egos, and that a man's depth comes to the surface once he is attracted to a beautiful woman and feels sexually desired. I think this is all bullshit. Women are not meant to be ego boosters for men. And men can be very deep if they so desire without the need for a pretty woman. Women don't need to seduce a man sexually to see his depth. Please don't apply this shit to your life. Have some self-respect.
May 22, 2020
I want to preface this with I actually love every other Lysa book I’ve read....
I don’t feel like this book aged well. So much of it was “a survey of men” or “so and so write in his book...”
And to be frank, I don’t care. If my husband was living this secret wishful life she describes throughout the book, I wouldn’t be with him. So much of this leans into stereotypes about men and the outgrown belief of a woman’s place. Overall I was disappointed by how little this seemed to draw from a biblical perspective of how to grow closer in marriage. Maybe if you are suffering from the specific problems she goes through this might help but overall this seemed like such a shallow and superficial guide on how to be a pretty housewife for your big strong manly husband, and I’m just not here for my marriage to be fit into that tiny box
I don’t feel like this book aged well. So much of it was “a survey of men” or “so and so write in his book...”
And to be frank, I don’t care. If my husband was living this secret wishful life she describes throughout the book, I wouldn’t be with him. So much of this leans into stereotypes about men and the outgrown belief of a woman’s place. Overall I was disappointed by how little this seemed to draw from a biblical perspective of how to grow closer in marriage. Maybe if you are suffering from the specific problems she goes through this might help but overall this seemed like such a shallow and superficial guide on how to be a pretty housewife for your big strong manly husband, and I’m just not here for my marriage to be fit into that tiny box
August 3, 2012
I wanted to type some notes from this book because I intend to send it along to another woman...I pinned it but was also skeptical..."oh, here's another woman who floats instead of walking because she's so holy." But then the author is very forthcoming with her own weaknesses and struggles...she even admits that she once threw cold water on her husband while he was asleep in bed! I appreciated that she was so honest about her own brand of crazy.
I snatched up a few valuable nuggets from this book that stood out to me as things I haven't considered before along with a lot of other good reminders...like praying and praying, turning to God for identity and self-worth, stuff like that, but these were some of the things that stood out to me:
- The verse "I tell you the truth: whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me." (Matthew 25:40) She applied this verse to marriages. When I don't feel like I can respect my husband or show him kindness, he becomes 'the least of these' and when I choose to honor him anyway I touch the heart of God. I think this applies in so many circumstances in life...when our kids are being difficult our even when my dogs aren't being obedient...when I choose to act in grace and kindness, even when no one is looking, I think God is delighted.
- There are times when I'm like "how could you let that happen, God?" Like when I see people who are hungry or homeless, but God has placed ME near that need, and he's not ignoring that person because he's ministering to them through me. God's kingdom comes through his people living out his word and his will in dark places.
- In Genesis, when God was creating, he called everything 'good' after he was done creating it. The only thing he said wasn't good was this: "The Lord God said, 'it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" :)
- The author touches on the power of femininity, and how we can wield it for good or for bad. "The influence of applied femininity is, by any measure, incredibly determinative." I want to be productive and constructive with my words with each member of my family and the people I interact with each day. It's a powerful thing.
- My huz and I were laughing about this quote from John Eldridge: "Every man has a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." We were singing Peter Cetera's 'Glory of Love' song. But I do agree that men want to feel like a badass...they want their masculinity affirmed. He wants to know I feel safer when he's around. It's okay to ask for help getting the jelly jar open or reaching something.
- The book touches on sex a lot, which is awesome because men think about it ALL the time. All I'll say is you wouldn't expect a little book like this to ignite your sex life, but it can. :) I don't think a man would ever complain about being kept up late or having a demanding sex kitten too many evenings. There are lots of suggestions for shifting out of mommy mode and into being a lover. She addresses a lot of thoughts that popped up for me like, "I am covered in baby puke and have been wiping snotty noses all day...really?" One pleasant part is to dwell on the Song of Solomon verses: "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glimpse of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" Who doesn't want their hubby to talk to them like that? The book has a lot of sweet ideas that help inspire me to become the beauty my husband wants to pursue, protect and adore. <3
- There's a chapter about supporting his vocation. Let him dream and talk about what he would do if he knew he couldn't fail. Support him with a lovely home life. That one was hard for me because I bring home a lot of our 'bacon' and have always struggled to keep the tidy, sweet-smelling, relaxing home environment while also making the loot we need to pay the mortgage. I loved how she even addresses that, and the exhaustion that stay at home mommies can feel too. There's still a lot I can do to puff him up, make sure I don't clip his wings, and make sure the home is a place where he wants to hang out and enjoy his family and the overall atmosphere. Yes, that sometimes involves turning on his music instead of mine, or folding and putting away the laundry. :)
- Look up 'quarrelsome wife' in the Proverbs. Men would rather gouge their eyes out or be homeless than share their lives with a woman like that. Check!
- Compartmentalizing: an interesting metaphor she paints in this book is that men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. Men compartmentalize: they address one thing at a time in their neat waffle grid and want to see that one thing through to completion. Women are like spaghetti...we're a blend of flavors, thoughts, emotions, and fragrances all at once. It's hard to tell where one noodle begins and the other ends. It helped me to understand Stan...he's working on one thing at a time, but in a way that is SO focused and diligent. When I have my massive to-do list and I can give him one thing to really focus in on and do well he's happier than when I'm obsessing over my long list of details or putting that on him. This also applies to his household chores. I clean in big swoops but he works on cleaning the blinds, dusting a book case closely, or reorganizing our kitchen. It's just how he rolls. I have been really ugly to him because I wanted him to sweep through our house and focus on a lot of things at once to get us ready for company. Then one day I had a hideous meltdown and he DID that I was confused because I usually clean the toilets, tub and floors and I didn't know what I still needed to do. We both have our 'jobs' and our strengths.
- Laugh together, love and affirm each other's insecurities, share dreams and work towards the same goals. That's what we vowed to do on our wedding day!
- Also on the note of 'til death: the author's husband shared a note about how he had blown some money in a bad investment and when he told his wife about it he expected her to respond how he had (devastation!), but she wrapped her arms around him and told him it would be fine. That is the response I want to have...not because I know exactly how it will work out, but because I know who God is and how much he loves us: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19. Another phrase that really captured my heart from this section: "I love you because you are you--forever and ever." That's it.
- There was a section about being a seductress. LOVE. The church cripples women when they are told that their beauty is in vain or that they should cover their hair (i.e. marm down their beauty in their husband's presence). Do I want to whine and emasculate my man or do I want to be the woman whose beauty inspires my husband to support, love and nurture me and our kids? I want my husband to desire me. I want to catch his eye. I Peter 3:6 says that for a woman to be beautiful she must have the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." I think this can be grossly misinterpreted, but the author encourages women to be "feminine and intoxicating...make him feel free to let masculinity surge through him." I loved this.
I snatched up a few valuable nuggets from this book that stood out to me as things I haven't considered before along with a lot of other good reminders...like praying and praying, turning to God for identity and self-worth, stuff like that, but these were some of the things that stood out to me:
- The verse "I tell you the truth: whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine you did for me." (Matthew 25:40) She applied this verse to marriages. When I don't feel like I can respect my husband or show him kindness, he becomes 'the least of these' and when I choose to honor him anyway I touch the heart of God. I think this applies in so many circumstances in life...when our kids are being difficult our even when my dogs aren't being obedient...when I choose to act in grace and kindness, even when no one is looking, I think God is delighted.
- There are times when I'm like "how could you let that happen, God?" Like when I see people who are hungry or homeless, but God has placed ME near that need, and he's not ignoring that person because he's ministering to them through me. God's kingdom comes through his people living out his word and his will in dark places.
- In Genesis, when God was creating, he called everything 'good' after he was done creating it. The only thing he said wasn't good was this: "The Lord God said, 'it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.'" :)
- The author touches on the power of femininity, and how we can wield it for good or for bad. "The influence of applied femininity is, by any measure, incredibly determinative." I want to be productive and constructive with my words with each member of my family and the people I interact with each day. It's a powerful thing.
- My huz and I were laughing about this quote from John Eldridge: "Every man has a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue." We were singing Peter Cetera's 'Glory of Love' song. But I do agree that men want to feel like a badass...they want their masculinity affirmed. He wants to know I feel safer when he's around. It's okay to ask for help getting the jelly jar open or reaching something.
- The book touches on sex a lot, which is awesome because men think about it ALL the time. All I'll say is you wouldn't expect a little book like this to ignite your sex life, but it can. :) I don't think a man would ever complain about being kept up late or having a demanding sex kitten too many evenings. There are lots of suggestions for shifting out of mommy mode and into being a lover. She addresses a lot of thoughts that popped up for me like, "I am covered in baby puke and have been wiping snotty noses all day...really?" One pleasant part is to dwell on the Song of Solomon verses: "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride, you have stolen my heart with one glimpse of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" Who doesn't want their hubby to talk to them like that? The book has a lot of sweet ideas that help inspire me to become the beauty my husband wants to pursue, protect and adore. <3
- There's a chapter about supporting his vocation. Let him dream and talk about what he would do if he knew he couldn't fail. Support him with a lovely home life. That one was hard for me because I bring home a lot of our 'bacon' and have always struggled to keep the tidy, sweet-smelling, relaxing home environment while also making the loot we need to pay the mortgage. I loved how she even addresses that, and the exhaustion that stay at home mommies can feel too. There's still a lot I can do to puff him up, make sure I don't clip his wings, and make sure the home is a place where he wants to hang out and enjoy his family and the overall atmosphere. Yes, that sometimes involves turning on his music instead of mine, or folding and putting away the laundry. :)
- Look up 'quarrelsome wife' in the Proverbs. Men would rather gouge their eyes out or be homeless than share their lives with a woman like that. Check!
- Compartmentalizing: an interesting metaphor she paints in this book is that men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. Men compartmentalize: they address one thing at a time in their neat waffle grid and want to see that one thing through to completion. Women are like spaghetti...we're a blend of flavors, thoughts, emotions, and fragrances all at once. It's hard to tell where one noodle begins and the other ends. It helped me to understand Stan...he's working on one thing at a time, but in a way that is SO focused and diligent. When I have my massive to-do list and I can give him one thing to really focus in on and do well he's happier than when I'm obsessing over my long list of details or putting that on him. This also applies to his household chores. I clean in big swoops but he works on cleaning the blinds, dusting a book case closely, or reorganizing our kitchen. It's just how he rolls. I have been really ugly to him because I wanted him to sweep through our house and focus on a lot of things at once to get us ready for company. Then one day I had a hideous meltdown and he DID that I was confused because I usually clean the toilets, tub and floors and I didn't know what I still needed to do. We both have our 'jobs' and our strengths.
- Laugh together, love and affirm each other's insecurities, share dreams and work towards the same goals. That's what we vowed to do on our wedding day!
- Also on the note of 'til death: the author's husband shared a note about how he had blown some money in a bad investment and when he told his wife about it he expected her to respond how he had (devastation!), but she wrapped her arms around him and told him it would be fine. That is the response I want to have...not because I know exactly how it will work out, but because I know who God is and how much he loves us: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19. Another phrase that really captured my heart from this section: "I love you because you are you--forever and ever." That's it.
- There was a section about being a seductress. LOVE. The church cripples women when they are told that their beauty is in vain or that they should cover their hair (i.e. marm down their beauty in their husband's presence). Do I want to whine and emasculate my man or do I want to be the woman whose beauty inspires my husband to support, love and nurture me and our kids? I want my husband to desire me. I want to catch his eye. I Peter 3:6 says that for a woman to be beautiful she must have the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." I think this can be grossly misinterpreted, but the author encourages women to be "feminine and intoxicating...make him feel free to let masculinity surge through him." I loved this.
June 20, 2023
Very dated gender stereotypes throughout the book. Usually like Lysa’s books but this time I wasn’t a fan. It hasn’t aged well.
February 24, 2020
good book! I've read a few of her Bible studies and never been disappointed. love her stories and her realness.
April 5, 2023
I really enjoyed this read. There are ideas I was able to implement that both me and my husband see a difference in how we opperate. The author also comes from a place of even playing field rather than talking down. It's easier to read a book where the author is open about experience and has been there, rather than an author just writing about what they think people ought to know or do.
November 6, 2020
I'm never disappointed with Lysa's books! Great book! Highly recommend for married couples!
December 15, 2013
Over the past few years, I've read several books that focused on relationships for premarital counseling and just out of curiosity so I was pretty excited when this book was given to me to read. I really like to dig into these types of books to see where I'm doing well and to see where I can improve on things so that I can do better. What I really liked about this book was the fact that it left you at the end of each chapter with an action point to try out to improve your own marriage. It was great to have advice on how to put some of these suggestions into practice.
This little book was short and to the point so someone looking to really dig into these issues or who is having significant issues that they're trying to overcome might not find it as helpful as someone just looking to improve might. Most of the chapters in this book were only three to five pages so if you're looking for something deep on each of the issues, this probably isn't the book for you. It does give a great starting point to skim through various issues so that you can figure out which one you need to deal with more.
I would recommend this for someone wanting to start figuring out how to improve their relationship with their husband but it might not give someone wanting to really dig into the subject enough to go on.
This little book was short and to the point so someone looking to really dig into these issues or who is having significant issues that they're trying to overcome might not find it as helpful as someone just looking to improve might. Most of the chapters in this book were only three to five pages so if you're looking for something deep on each of the issues, this probably isn't the book for you. It does give a great starting point to skim through various issues so that you can figure out which one you need to deal with more.
I would recommend this for someone wanting to start figuring out how to improve their relationship with their husband but it might not give someone wanting to really dig into the subject enough to go on.
July 24, 2013
This book divides the relationship responsibilities a wife has with her husband into categories: spiritual, emotional, sexual, vocational, intellectual, relational, and physical. Each category is discussed thoroughly, with discussion on how words and actions have negative and positive effects on your husband. The ideas TerKeurst gives for each section are easy to implicate, giving you a chance to immediately try and succeed in each category as you make it a habit. The book is not long at all and was so good I bought the companion book, Capture Her Heart, for my husband to read. He loved it as well. We recommend this set definitely.
February 18, 2015
The very first book that I ever read on marriage, gave me great tips that i will carry with me for the rest of my life......The classic lesson I learn from this book is that I cant expect my future husband to fulfill all my emotional needs.I need to look to God, who will satisfy all my emotional needs and make me happy.Expecting my husband to make me happy always is a pipe dream.He's only human.This book broke it down to me the importance of being an all-rounded person to be the best wife I can possibly be to my husband the way God intended.I recommend it to all single women hoping to settle down soon and the newly wed women out there...
October 19, 2016
I am a huge fan of Lysa TerKeurst so I may be a bit biased.
I loved the realistic, practical and Biblical approach to being a wife.
The writing is friendly, approachable and easy to understand.
Each short chapter contains a "realtionship builder" to implement as well as a "thought for the day" which captures the heart or main idea of the chapter.
Even after 24 years of marriage, I found many new and simple techniques I can implement immediately and am enthusiastic to do so.
I would recommend this small book to all wives, young and old, and suggest that we all re-read it once a year!
I would even suggest this book as a gift to those engaged or newly married.
Love it!
I loved the realistic, practical and Biblical approach to being a wife.
The writing is friendly, approachable and easy to understand.
Each short chapter contains a "realtionship builder" to implement as well as a "thought for the day" which captures the heart or main idea of the chapter.
Even after 24 years of marriage, I found many new and simple techniques I can implement immediately and am enthusiastic to do so.
I would recommend this small book to all wives, young and old, and suggest that we all re-read it once a year!
I would even suggest this book as a gift to those engaged or newly married.
Love it!
May 19, 2014
This book was comforting in the fact that Lysa shared her struggles in marriage. It was a reminder that I'm not the only wife who gets frustrated with her husband or says the wrong things at the wrong times. Every marriage has good and bad days and it's important to always be working on a better relationship with your spouse. This book had some good tips. Ultimately, my husband and I want a strong marriage centered around Christ. Any nugget of information we get to help us with that goal is great.
August 28, 2016
I had read this book back before I had gotten married as part of our pre-marital counseling. It was good then, but I had not yet to be in the midst of marriage. A lot of the concepts I mistakenly thought would never pertain to us. Nevertheless, it still helped me to build a strong marital foundation that helped lead my husband closer to God, which in turn made him the leader of our household. Never hurts to have a refresher course. The book is phenomenal and broken down in a great and bite size way and EVERYTHING is founded in biblical truths and scripture. Can't go wrong! ❤️
July 1, 2016
Such an eye opener. I actually read through some sections twice to really get the message into my brain. If we want our husbands to treat us with love and respect then we must do the same for them and in a way that is meaningful to them. This is a book every wife should read. I have immediately felt closer to my husband by applying the principles of this book.
Read
January 9, 2013It is broken up into small parts which is good because you will want to apply the information that day. Not always what I wanted to hear but definitely good to hear. Love Lysa's open and honest writing.
November 5, 2013
This book was a quick and easy read. The author gave many personal accounts of her own marriage and some of the practical things that she did to heal her marriage as well as maintain it. I look forward to reading more books from her.
July 30, 2016
I recommend this book to any wife or wife to be. It's quick chapters are motivating and intertwined w scripture. I loved that each chapter ended w a "thought for the day" and a "marriage builder" which was something practical to go and do. Good book on how to be a Godly wife.
August 27, 2016
So encouraging!
Lysa TerKeurst never disappoints, she uses her talents to glorify God and put his word in the exact perspective needed. This book has truly taught me many valuable tools to use in my marriage.
Lysa TerKeurst never disappoints, she uses her talents to glorify God and put his word in the exact perspective needed. This book has truly taught me many valuable tools to use in my marriage.
March 1, 2017
One of the very best marriage books I've ever read! Really puts into perspective what our husbands need from their wives! In terms of support, in the home, in the bedroom, all of it!! Whether you've been married for 50 years or just yesterday, this is a must!
April 27, 2010
We are reading this book for my Bible study. Easy, enjoyable read, practical, and to the point. Prompted great discussion from my Bible study group.
March 24, 2013
Awesome Book!! Want to read the companion book. Gotta get my own copy.
November 9, 2013
Great marriage book. Godly centered. Lysa with her usual style is real and gives examples I can relate to, laugh at, and consider seriously.
January 26, 2014
A positive impact on any marriage. Great read!
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March 6, 2015I am so glad I read this book...
January 29, 2023
I really enjoyed reading this book. I intend to get both versions for my parents' 41st wedding anniversary .
May 19, 2016
Some good tips, but a little trite for my taste.
June 22, 2016
Excellent book/study...
Terrific book for wives.. Full of truths to be reminded of and practical ideas, challenges for improving your marriage... Gods way.
Terrific book for wives.. Full of truths to be reminded of and practical ideas, challenges for improving your marriage... Gods way.
February 14, 2017
Whether you are a newlywed or have been married for years, this is a good book to read. The chapters are short, and the messages are succinct, helpful, and realistic.
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July 2, 2018Quality resource
Read this as part of pre-marriage counseling. The book touches on a lot of important topics, but you will get what you put into it.
Read this as part of pre-marriage counseling. The book touches on a lot of important topics, but you will get what you put into it.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews