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A Marriage in Dog Years
When Nancy Balbirer learns her beloved eleven-year-old beagle has kidney failure, she’s devastated. She and her husband had gotten Ira as a puppy—a wedding gift to each other, and their first foray into “parenthood.” Now, her dog is terminal, her marriage is on life support, and Nancy is desperate to save them both (whether they want it or not). In a single year, she loses her two best friends, but Nancy’s life is about to take yet another unexpected turn.
With humor and heart, Nancy Balbirer shares her story of relationships, loss, and canine friendship in this illuminating memoir about the lengths people will go to keep love alive…and the power of finally letting go.
With humor and heart, Nancy Balbirer shares her story of relationships, loss, and canine friendship in this illuminating memoir about the lengths people will go to keep love alive…and the power of finally letting go.
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 1, 2018
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3698 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Balbirer
3 books40 followersNancy Balbirer is a writer and performer of stage and screen. She is the author of "Take Your Shirt Off and Cry." She lives in Los Angeles with her family.
Find her on Instagram: @nancybalbirer
Find her on Instagram: @nancybalbirer
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May 24, 2018A dissatisfied husband, a neurotic wife, and a terminally ill dog.
Can't they all just get along?
I will not rate, as I'm throwing in the towel at 33%. I was getting pretty annoyed by all the New Agey, therapeutic wellness stuff. (A DOG PSYCHIC? Seriously?) This is a couple who looks only to external sources to solve their marital problems; they're on their THIRD marriage counselor, for cryin' out loud! BUT, when I read that they had NOT HAD SEX IN YEARS that was it for me. GEEZ! I'm willing to bet Mike Pence and his "Mother" do it more often.
I'll be celebrating my 27th year of wedded bliss on Saturday, and part of what has kept my husband and I together is good, and pretty darned frequent S-E-X. Is sex an essential component of a happy marriage? Possibly not, but it's a hell of a lot easier to forgive those hairs in the sink if the one who put 'em there has just given you a screaming orgasm.
Really, if you can't connect in bed, why linger? Yeah, I get it - you have a family together, but why not get divorced, share custody of your daughter (and dog), and just be friends? If you have to WORK SO HARD at STAYING married - what is the point?
If this memoir had been better written, I might have stuck around out of curiosity to see how this sex-free relationship thingy works, but it was a fairly disorganized mess. Plus, the daughter is named Bear, and the dog is named Ira, and I've had so many friends who named their dogs Bear, I kept getting the two confused. (Yeah, that one's on me.) Ultimately I had to ask myself, if the narrator was a character in a novel, would I keep on reading, and the answer was a resounding NO.
Can't they all just get along?
I will not rate, as I'm throwing in the towel at 33%. I was getting pretty annoyed by all the New Agey, therapeutic wellness stuff. (A DOG PSYCHIC? Seriously?) This is a couple who looks only to external sources to solve their marital problems; they're on their THIRD marriage counselor, for cryin' out loud! BUT, when I read that they had NOT HAD SEX IN YEARS that was it for me. GEEZ! I'm willing to bet Mike Pence and his "Mother" do it more often.
I'll be celebrating my 27th year of wedded bliss on Saturday, and part of what has kept my husband and I together is good, and pretty darned frequent S-E-X. Is sex an essential component of a happy marriage? Possibly not, but it's a hell of a lot easier to forgive those hairs in the sink if the one who put 'em there has just given you a screaming orgasm.
Really, if you can't connect in bed, why linger? Yeah, I get it - you have a family together, but why not get divorced, share custody of your daughter (and dog), and just be friends? If you have to WORK SO HARD at STAYING married - what is the point?
If this memoir had been better written, I might have stuck around out of curiosity to see how this sex-free relationship thingy works, but it was a fairly disorganized mess. Plus, the daughter is named Bear, and the dog is named Ira, and I've had so many friends who named their dogs Bear, I kept getting the two confused. (Yeah, that one's on me.) Ultimately I had to ask myself, if the narrator was a character in a novel, would I keep on reading, and the answer was a resounding NO.
April 18, 2018
AVAILABLE IN JUNE! PRE-ORDER NOW! Author Nancy Balbirer takes us with her on the rocky journey of life as we see her joy filled marriage filled with hopes and dreams blossom then fizzle, at the same time her beloved, terminally ill beagle struggles to defy the odds and live another day. This touching true story is told with honesty and humor, stirring up so many different emotions...well written in the author's voice, it had me crying and laughing. I'd like to compare this story to SJP's Divorce on HBO, the good, the bad and the ugly of a slow death of a marriage, a complicated relationship with the added bonus of unconditional love in man's/woman's best friend. If you love love, and if you love your pet, this one is for you!
Follow https://booknationbyjen.wordpress.com for full reviews and recommendations.
Follow https://booknationbyjen.wordpress.com for full reviews and recommendations.
June 17, 2019
This book read like fiction. In fact, I totally mistook it for fiction throughout my reading of it. And after finishing it, all I can say is, God bless Ira.
The author chronicles her marriage through her dog Ira's life, from puppyhood through his demise from kidney failure as a senior citizen. It's a tale shot though with pathos and humor. While I was not a fan of either marriage partner, I give credit for the author's unflinching coverage of her marriage's agonizing life and eventual death.
Particularly poignant was breaking the news of the impending divorce to her young daughter and followed shortly by Ira's passing. Having been through both those scenarios,I empathized with all involved.
I was relieved when this tale came to an end.
The author chronicles her marriage through her dog Ira's life, from puppyhood through his demise from kidney failure as a senior citizen. It's a tale shot though with pathos and humor. While I was not a fan of either marriage partner, I give credit for the author's unflinching coverage of her marriage's agonizing life and eventual death.
Particularly poignant was breaking the news of the impending divorce to her young daughter and followed shortly by Ira's passing. Having been through both those scenarios,I empathized with all involved.
I was relieved when this tale came to an end.
May 5, 2018
Wordy
Way too many different words to say the exact same things over and over. Ira was the only character I liked.
Way too many different words to say the exact same things over and over. Ira was the only character I liked.
May 7, 2018
I’ve been on a good run with Amazon’s monthly free books for Prime members for the past few months. With two great, positive, life-affirming, building-yourself-up-again-after-great-loss novels (‘Digging In’ by Loretta Nyhan and ‘When Never Comes’ by Barbara Davis) in March and April, I was hoping my good fortune would continue when I picked the autobiographical ‘A Marriage in Dog Years’ for my May choice. It’s about a woman with a terminally ill dog and a terminally declining marriage. Sadly my luck ran out and what I got was a self-indulgent misery-fest of great proportions.
The author is apparently an actress, a comedy writer and – as we learn in the book – a failed restaurateur – but the book is one heck of a let-down. It's hard to be funny about topics like this and I suspect her natural wit was completely constrained by the topic.
I try to be kind when reviewing autobiographies because I feel like a total louse because any criticism of the book inevitably looks like criticism of the author herself and I am absolutely sure she’s a delightful, kind, thoughtful person ‘in the flesh’ but on the page my over-riding wish was to give her a darned good shake and tell her to pull herself together.
I’m sure that writing the book was cathartic but reading it was a drag. I couldn’t buy into all the spiritual mumbo-jumbo of witches and candles, nor into the way she dragged out pour Ira’s life well beyond the point that she or he could really afford. I expected to be upset by the poor dog’s demise, but honestly, I was just so sad that he’d been kept going so long that it was a relief when the poor creature slipped away (not a spoiler – she tells us at the very beginning exactly how long her beagle survives so there’s no hope of a miracle cure). As for the marriage to a man who was getting steak in Florida and avoiding potatoes at home, I think most of us would have kicked his butt out the door faster than you could say ‘Cheating selfish bastard’. If you want a book about loving a dog that will make you cry for hours after you finish (and for quite a lot of time whilst you’re reading), please track down the sublime ‘Lily and the Octopus’, a book about a relationship of more equal standing behind a man and the dog he adores.
I wish the author well, hope she finds new love with a dog and a good man, but I also hope she can put her bad years behind her and resist the temptation to revisit them in print.
The author is apparently an actress, a comedy writer and – as we learn in the book – a failed restaurateur – but the book is one heck of a let-down. It's hard to be funny about topics like this and I suspect her natural wit was completely constrained by the topic.
I try to be kind when reviewing autobiographies because I feel like a total louse because any criticism of the book inevitably looks like criticism of the author herself and I am absolutely sure she’s a delightful, kind, thoughtful person ‘in the flesh’ but on the page my over-riding wish was to give her a darned good shake and tell her to pull herself together.
I’m sure that writing the book was cathartic but reading it was a drag. I couldn’t buy into all the spiritual mumbo-jumbo of witches and candles, nor into the way she dragged out pour Ira’s life well beyond the point that she or he could really afford. I expected to be upset by the poor dog’s demise, but honestly, I was just so sad that he’d been kept going so long that it was a relief when the poor creature slipped away (not a spoiler – she tells us at the very beginning exactly how long her beagle survives so there’s no hope of a miracle cure). As for the marriage to a man who was getting steak in Florida and avoiding potatoes at home, I think most of us would have kicked his butt out the door faster than you could say ‘Cheating selfish bastard’. If you want a book about loving a dog that will make you cry for hours after you finish (and for quite a lot of time whilst you’re reading), please track down the sublime ‘Lily and the Octopus’, a book about a relationship of more equal standing behind a man and the dog he adores.
I wish the author well, hope she finds new love with a dog and a good man, but I also hope she can put her bad years behind her and resist the temptation to revisit them in print.
May 4, 2018
Wonderful, raw and very open and honest. We all go through trauma in our lives but to be so honest is refreshing. It was absolutely devastating in places and relatable. Amazing!
December 2, 2024
This book definitely had the potential to be depressing. It literally is about a very ill dog and a very ill marriage. But, the author is a comedy writer! So, personally, I felt it had a good balance in terms of creating empathy for everyone involved while seeing some of the (black) humor in the situation. It was a very fast and enjoyable read. Apparently the author has another memoir covering a different aspect of her life, and I'll definitely look for it.
August 1, 2018
Thank you to Little a and Amazon Publishing for a free copy of this book for an honest review. This memoir details the author’s heartbreak over her dying dog and her failing marriage. Nancy and Sam have been married 11 years and have a young daughter. They adopted their dog, Ira, just after they got married. Ira is very sick and Nancy is determined to prolong his life for as long as she can if he’s not in pain. I have also had to deal with a sick pet after having it for 16 years and I know the struggle to accept when the end has come and your own heartbreak so therefore I could feel some of her grief. In this case though Nancy prolonged Ira’s life as she couldn’t cope with losing him in the midst of her dysfunctional marital problems. Her husband Sam comes across as very immature and selfish but we of course don’t know his side of the story. Nancy is stuck in life in general as she spends well beyond her means to save Ira while also unable to decide if she should give up on her marriage with her unfaithful and unengaged spouse. I felt there was a lot of repitition as she goes back and forth with her struggles. While I sympathized with her marital problems it was apparent that Sam had checked out long ago and it was better to move on as hard as this is. I found this book a bit too self indulgent. Having said this I did enjoy the book and have a lot of empathy for what the author was going through.
May 10, 2018
Here is a Whole-Foods-eating, cleansing-candle-lighting, psychic-consulting, horoscope-believing, chi-modifying, yoga-ing, wine-shop-owning, witch-seeking-when-stumped ex-actress-turned-writer’s majestic I, I, I! monologue.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly an incredibly sad interlacing of two heartbreaks—a dying dog and a dying marriage. But it was just, I don’t know, a bit too narcissistic to spark empathy. I love my dog and during the parts about Ira’s illness, I just didn’t want to even imagine them happening to me, couldn’t even fathom how much my heart would break, but the parts about Nancy’s marriage with Sam? It was 90% of the book and it was toxic, horrible, and self-centered. The negativity completely obscured the emotions the author was able to extract from me.
I understand that this could possibly be the story of her searching for her lost self in the midst of a divorce and loss. I also understand that no one who is not even the least bit self-centered will write a memoir. But I’ve read memoirs before. I’ve read losses and people undergoing grief and I guess here, the “About Me” just shines a tad brighter than the other, more important stuff. I didn’t get to know Sam, I couldn’t root for him. And I know this is not like a fictive story where the author gets her pickings of how to portray the story; this is all Nancy’s perspective and hers alone.
Most of the time, it felt like the ramblings of a privileged girl kvetching to her girlfriends at Starbucks about her first-world problems. Page 91: “These frenzied imaginings occurred not in a war-torn country but rather in the luxury of a goose-down, duvet-covered California king.” *shrugs* Sucks to be you.
I can’t be totally blamed for my lack of empathy for anyone here other than the dog. I did cry when he died because it was sad, an event that didn’t center her. The parts about Ira were the real poignant ones (cause of the three-star rating), where you could see that the author cared truly about something/one else who is not herself.
I guess this is why I don’t read actors’ memoirs and might not again: too much ego to be contained in a few hundred pages!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly an incredibly sad interlacing of two heartbreaks—a dying dog and a dying marriage. But it was just, I don’t know, a bit too narcissistic to spark empathy. I love my dog and during the parts about Ira’s illness, I just didn’t want to even imagine them happening to me, couldn’t even fathom how much my heart would break, but the parts about Nancy’s marriage with Sam? It was 90% of the book and it was toxic, horrible, and self-centered. The negativity completely obscured the emotions the author was able to extract from me.
I understand that this could possibly be the story of her searching for her lost self in the midst of a divorce and loss. I also understand that no one who is not even the least bit self-centered will write a memoir. But I’ve read memoirs before. I’ve read losses and people undergoing grief and I guess here, the “About Me” just shines a tad brighter than the other, more important stuff. I didn’t get to know Sam, I couldn’t root for him. And I know this is not like a fictive story where the author gets her pickings of how to portray the story; this is all Nancy’s perspective and hers alone.
Most of the time, it felt like the ramblings of a privileged girl kvetching to her girlfriends at Starbucks about her first-world problems. Page 91: “These frenzied imaginings occurred not in a war-torn country but rather in the luxury of a goose-down, duvet-covered California king.” *shrugs* Sucks to be you.
I can’t be totally blamed for my lack of empathy for anyone here other than the dog. I did cry when he died because it was sad, an event that didn’t center her. The parts about Ira were the real poignant ones (cause of the three-star rating), where you could see that the author cared truly about something/one else who is not herself.
I guess this is why I don’t read actors’ memoirs and might not again: too much ego to be contained in a few hundred pages!
May 9, 2018
More like 4.5 stars. But still. This was a well written memoir that really touched on how we start to view our past and present when it feels like we have lost control. Also how we use different units of measurement - i.e. the dog - to try and quantify or even qualify a situation or timeline to follow what they’ve been through with us.
Our pets don’t live for nearly as long as we all wish they did, but it is entirely true for this book that we all are lucky to have our pets while we do. They are truly unmatchable in their comfort and (genuine) unconditional love.
Our pets don’t live for nearly as long as we all wish they did, but it is entirely true for this book that we all are lucky to have our pets while we do. They are truly unmatchable in their comfort and (genuine) unconditional love.
November 11, 2020
Although this memoir caused me to ugly cry in the most undignified way, it doesn't interfere with my wanting everyone to read it, especially those of us who've come out on the other side of loss, whether through break-up or death. Balbirer writes with wit, charm, and sensitivity about her failing marriage and the slow death of her beloved dog, all in the same time frame, and about how we all may tend to cling to things we love that are beyond saving, simply because we can. Profound. Full of emotion and insight. And, at times, bracingly funny. I highly recommend this one.
May 6, 2018
Sweet and sad
So many feelings so aptly expressed in this book. Very well written and I could relate to so much of her story about her marriage and the horror of losing her precious dog, Ira. Definitely glad I read this book
So many feelings so aptly expressed in this book. Very well written and I could relate to so much of her story about her marriage and the horror of losing her precious dog, Ira. Definitely glad I read this book
May 2, 2018
Beautiful and raw
I started reading this book this morning and couldn't put it down until the last page. So raw and beautiful. I cried and laughed and felt really connected with the author. This memoir reveals her marriage, the perfect beginning, the changes in careers/goals, the infertility, IVF, the lack of sex, counseling, sacrafices, the distance, and finally the end. Meanwhile it parallels her relationship with her dog who she got right after they were married. The story begins with the dog's terminal diagnosis and unravels through the final year of his life and her marriage. I find the memoir very honest and really enjoyed her reflections on life and love. Would recommend.
I started reading this book this morning and couldn't put it down until the last page. So raw and beautiful. I cried and laughed and felt really connected with the author. This memoir reveals her marriage, the perfect beginning, the changes in careers/goals, the infertility, IVF, the lack of sex, counseling, sacrafices, the distance, and finally the end. Meanwhile it parallels her relationship with her dog who she got right after they were married. The story begins with the dog's terminal diagnosis and unravels through the final year of his life and her marriage. I find the memoir very honest and really enjoyed her reflections on life and love. Would recommend.
May 3, 2018
Happy at times and sad at times
SPOILER ALERT.
I cried so hard at end. The story was just amazing I am still crying right now 😠
SPOILER ALERT.
I cried so hard at end. The story was just amazing I am still crying right now 😠
June 29, 2018
I really enjoyed this memoir and I thought the title of this book was clever. When the author and her husband first got together, they adopted a beagle puppy and named him Ira. As the book begins, Ira is nearing the end of his life and so is the author’s marriage. The events were sad but also interesting. I look forward to reading more by this author because I liked the flow of her writing, it was so smooth and never caused me to stumble as I read. It had an easy flow to it which I really liked.
March 4, 2020
This book made me really sad. The further I got in it, the sadder I got. The last chapter was a relief, and maybe that's the point. A lesson in letting go.
April 4, 2020
Disappointing
The beginning of the book seemed light and airy, but as I got further in it felt stilted and tired. I don't often give up on a book before I finish it, but I did with this one.
The beginning of the book seemed light and airy, but as I got further in it felt stilted and tired. I don't often give up on a book before I finish it, but I did with this one.
February 15, 2021
Though I'm not going through nor have I ever been through a divorce this story touched my heart 💕
June 27, 2018
You're never supposed to judge a book by its cover, but I'm guilty of choosing this book by its title. A Marriage in Dog Years sounded like a book tracking the growth of a puppy into a dog as it also tracked the growth of a marriage from first blush to mature, healthy relationship.
But this book, which basically takes place over the final year of a dog's life - and the final year of the marriage's life - is an entirely different tale. The dog himself takes a backseat to the excruciating details of the author's marriage as it fades and goes through a seemingly never-ending decline. The dog's health also declines, and Nancy Balbirer's description of the dog's death tore me apart. I think it's because I've been there with several dogs and had to be the one to decide when it was time to let go.
Very little of the rest of the book really grabbed my interest, though, because so much of the author's angst turned me off. Her love/hate relationship with the wonders of LA and NYC bored this midwesterner to tears, and not just because of my antipathy towards the coastal elites. No, it's Balbirer presenting herself almost as a living cliche that turned me off. She feels everything so deeply, or at least wants to, and goes off on a multipage tangent wondering why she doesn't feel everything as deeply as she feels she should.
I don't know; maybe this was extremely subtle satire and I failed to catch on, but I doubt it.
But this book, which basically takes place over the final year of a dog's life - and the final year of the marriage's life - is an entirely different tale. The dog himself takes a backseat to the excruciating details of the author's marriage as it fades and goes through a seemingly never-ending decline. The dog's health also declines, and Nancy Balbirer's description of the dog's death tore me apart. I think it's because I've been there with several dogs and had to be the one to decide when it was time to let go.
Very little of the rest of the book really grabbed my interest, though, because so much of the author's angst turned me off. Her love/hate relationship with the wonders of LA and NYC bored this midwesterner to tears, and not just because of my antipathy towards the coastal elites. No, it's Balbirer presenting herself almost as a living cliche that turned me off. She feels everything so deeply, or at least wants to, and goes off on a multipage tangent wondering why she doesn't feel everything as deeply as she feels she should.
I don't know; maybe this was extremely subtle satire and I failed to catch on, but I doubt it.
May 22, 2018
I chose this book as my Amazon Prime Reads choice for the month of May. A Marriage In Dog Years is officially on Friday, June 1st so look for it on Amazon soon!
Meh. I felt meh throughout the entire book. Spoiler alert, I’m going to essentially tell you about this book so if you’re curious about it, stop reading my blog post right now and come back after you’ve read it. Or heed my warning and know that you really are not missing much by passing on this book.
The book starts out with us finding out she found the love of her life, Sam. Sam even comes and rescues her on the middle of a busy California freeway when her car breaks down. It is at this point we realize the marriage is doomed as Nancy tells us, “it will occur to me that I had been so moved by the romance, the love, the chivalry of it all, that I had failed to notice we were not traveling west, but east—away from the sun.”
Nancy and Sam adopt a dog, Ira, and move from California to New York. Nancy yearns to be a mother and ends up going through IVF treatments to conceive. Heartbreakingly she becomes pregnant with twins and loses one. She does give birth to a health baby girl they nickname the Bear. It is here we find out that Sam really did not want to become a father, he just knew Nancy really wanted to be a mother and he wanted to make sure he was happy. Wait, Sam gets even better.
Ira is eleven years old and is diagnosed with a terminal illness and given a matter of weeks to live. Don’t worry, Ira makes it another year. As Ira gets ill, the marriage falls apart. Well, the marriage is already in shambles at this point in time, we just get to hear how it all falls apart.
Sam “accidentally” forwards her a text from his mistress. He’s cheating. Nancy and Sam have been in therapy and this gets brought up. Sam wants to keep seeing the mistress while he works on his marriage. Nancy agrees. Sam is a winner, isn’t he?
The book goes on and they divorce…finally. I cannot believe how long Nancy held on to her marriage, trying to make it work. Nancy describes it best when she wrote, “when a marriage is in crisis, there’s only so long you can pretend before dull pain turns into searing agony.” She held on for so long. I was angry with her for holding on for so long. Sam was wishy washy and didn’t stick with anything long-term. She truly deserves better.
So after the divorce comes the death of Ira. I cried. We just lost our sweet little pup Rose over the summer and just reading the demise of Ira brought back memories and I let it out. Dogs become a part of our lives and Ira became her best friend.
Overall, I give this book a 3. I didn’t care for it and I felt like the author wrote this book with a thesaurus of big words by her side. I don’t know if I’m dumb or she was showing off or if I was just so irritated with her and how she handled her crumbling marriage I just resented everything she wrote. I struggled to find the motivation to finish this book, but I did it.
Meh. I felt meh throughout the entire book. Spoiler alert, I’m going to essentially tell you about this book so if you’re curious about it, stop reading my blog post right now and come back after you’ve read it. Or heed my warning and know that you really are not missing much by passing on this book.
The book starts out with us finding out she found the love of her life, Sam. Sam even comes and rescues her on the middle of a busy California freeway when her car breaks down. It is at this point we realize the marriage is doomed as Nancy tells us, “it will occur to me that I had been so moved by the romance, the love, the chivalry of it all, that I had failed to notice we were not traveling west, but east—away from the sun.”
Nancy and Sam adopt a dog, Ira, and move from California to New York. Nancy yearns to be a mother and ends up going through IVF treatments to conceive. Heartbreakingly she becomes pregnant with twins and loses one. She does give birth to a health baby girl they nickname the Bear. It is here we find out that Sam really did not want to become a father, he just knew Nancy really wanted to be a mother and he wanted to make sure he was happy. Wait, Sam gets even better.
Ira is eleven years old and is diagnosed with a terminal illness and given a matter of weeks to live. Don’t worry, Ira makes it another year. As Ira gets ill, the marriage falls apart. Well, the marriage is already in shambles at this point in time, we just get to hear how it all falls apart.
Sam “accidentally” forwards her a text from his mistress. He’s cheating. Nancy and Sam have been in therapy and this gets brought up. Sam wants to keep seeing the mistress while he works on his marriage. Nancy agrees. Sam is a winner, isn’t he?
The book goes on and they divorce…finally. I cannot believe how long Nancy held on to her marriage, trying to make it work. Nancy describes it best when she wrote, “when a marriage is in crisis, there’s only so long you can pretend before dull pain turns into searing agony.” She held on for so long. I was angry with her for holding on for so long. Sam was wishy washy and didn’t stick with anything long-term. She truly deserves better.
So after the divorce comes the death of Ira. I cried. We just lost our sweet little pup Rose over the summer and just reading the demise of Ira brought back memories and I let it out. Dogs become a part of our lives and Ira became her best friend.
Overall, I give this book a 3. I didn’t care for it and I felt like the author wrote this book with a thesaurus of big words by her side. I don’t know if I’m dumb or she was showing off or if I was just so irritated with her and how she handled her crumbling marriage I just resented everything she wrote. I struggled to find the motivation to finish this book, but I did it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 5, 2020
Reading this after having recently lost a pet was not the smartest thing to do but it also helped in so many ways. The struggle the author portrays was poignant and touching. Juggling being a wife, mother, caretaker and having a career is real. Add in the ending of said marriage and the death of the one being cared for and it’s a miracle anyone survives. However the author seamlessly blended that which could destroy her and the strength she found along the way.
May 24, 2018
A marriage that has lost its way, and a beloved canine companion whose poor health does not stop him being a source of strength and love...these are the building blocks of this book.
I highly recommend reading this book...if you have been in a marriage or any long-term relationship, and if you loved or currently love a dog (yes it matters that it is a dog in this particular situation), you will find shades of your own experience in this book - and you will find you want to know where the author ends up. Exceptionally well written and I loved hearing her voice so clearly.
I highly recommend reading this book...if you have been in a marriage or any long-term relationship, and if you loved or currently love a dog (yes it matters that it is a dog in this particular situation), you will find shades of your own experience in this book - and you will find you want to know where the author ends up. Exceptionally well written and I loved hearing her voice so clearly.
September 29, 2018
This is not a dog book. There is a dog, but I think the book may suffer from mistaken expectations given the emphasis on the dog part of the synopsis. What this is is a book about a marriage dying a long, slow, complicated and yet utterly undramatic death. Nancy is wise and insightful. Some of the thoughts she describes having are the kind of thing that make you want to choke your (obviously delusional in your eyes) friend going through marital troubles, and yet it doesn't annoy because the structure of the book is such that you know she's coming to a more nuanced understanding of her situation and you'll get there with her without a 200 page sufferfest.
June 2, 2018
I cried
Spoiler alert... the dog does die. I cried. I ugly cried about the dog.
Much of the story is told in flash backs, frequent flashbacks that repeat themselves. Yet, I also see as our world falls apart, we keep thinking if I had chosen a different path at that that point...
A little tough reading because of the frequent flashbacks, but overall a good story.
Spoiler alert... the dog does die. I cried. I ugly cried about the dog.
Much of the story is told in flash backs, frequent flashbacks that repeat themselves. Yet, I also see as our world falls apart, we keep thinking if I had chosen a different path at that that point...
A little tough reading because of the frequent flashbacks, but overall a good story.
June 16, 2018
She was the love of his life
I was ready for her marriage to be over long before Nancy was. I feel like she missed out on focusing on her elderly dog while she was focusing on her marriage to a jerk of a husband.
I was ready for her marriage to be over long before Nancy was. I feel like she missed out on focusing on her elderly dog while she was focusing on her marriage to a jerk of a husband.
October 31, 2018
2.5 stars.
While I enjoyed the writer's voice, by the time I hit the last 40 pages or so, I wanted to throw this book across the room. My reasons:
1) The story of her dog, Ira, basically gets shoved to the side in favor of a seemingly
endless, repetitive account of the author's unbelievably toxic marriage. Page after page of trying to make it work, knowing it can't work, maybe it can work, can it work?, is it my fault? why am I beating up on myself? After a while, I wanted to slap her silly, tell her to wake the F up, kick this man to the curb, and pay more attention to her dog, who actually loves her, isn't a flake, and has no intention of sleeping around with some chick from Miami.
2) The author is incapable of recognizing the fact that her vet is a manipulative jerk who exploits her grief over Ira's illness for his own greedy purposes. Most of their exchanges go something like this:
Vet: I'm sorry but Ira doesn't have much longer to live.
NB: Oh my god! Is it time to...you know...
Vet: I don't know. Maybe. It's hard to say, you know?
NB: Isn't there anything I can do? (crying)
Vet: Well....we could try a few blood transfusions. They are expensive though....
NB: It's ok. Anything for Ira. I'll sell my grandmother's jewelry and my engagement ring if I have to!
Vet. I do think it'll give him more time. But only if you're sure...
NB: Let's do it!
Ugh.
3) I am probably guilty of some projection here, since I have nursed three animals through chronic illnesses, including kidney disease, and no doubt have made some mistakes. But leaving your dog lying on the floor for 11 HOURS after he has a seizure, goes blind, and wets himself, because darn it, you're on a deadline, and you have your heart set on putting him to sleep at home but the vet isn't available yet, is an extremely cruel thing to do. (Spoiler: Ira has another seizure later in the day and dies before the vet can get there, but hey, at least he was at home!) After that, the last little shred of sympathy I had for the author
was gone. I felt terrible for Ira, and terrible for "The Bear", the author's daughter caught in the middle of this dysfunctional mess, but everyone else... Oy.
Disappointing, as I started this thinking it might be a 4 star, but the last third drove me batty.
While I enjoyed the writer's voice, by the time I hit the last 40 pages or so, I wanted to throw this book across the room. My reasons:
1) The story of her dog, Ira, basically gets shoved to the side in favor of a seemingly
endless, repetitive account of the author's unbelievably toxic marriage. Page after page of trying to make it work, knowing it can't work, maybe it can work, can it work?, is it my fault? why am I beating up on myself? After a while, I wanted to slap her silly, tell her to wake the F up, kick this man to the curb, and pay more attention to her dog, who actually loves her, isn't a flake, and has no intention of sleeping around with some chick from Miami.
2) The author is incapable of recognizing the fact that her vet is a manipulative jerk who exploits her grief over Ira's illness for his own greedy purposes. Most of their exchanges go something like this:
Vet: I'm sorry but Ira doesn't have much longer to live.
NB: Oh my god! Is it time to...you know...
Vet: I don't know. Maybe. It's hard to say, you know?
NB: Isn't there anything I can do? (crying)
Vet: Well....we could try a few blood transfusions. They are expensive though....
NB: It's ok. Anything for Ira. I'll sell my grandmother's jewelry and my engagement ring if I have to!
Vet. I do think it'll give him more time. But only if you're sure...
NB: Let's do it!
Ugh.
3) I am probably guilty of some projection here, since I have nursed three animals through chronic illnesses, including kidney disease, and no doubt have made some mistakes. But leaving your dog lying on the floor for 11 HOURS after he has a seizure, goes blind, and wets himself, because darn it, you're on a deadline, and you have your heart set on putting him to sleep at home but the vet isn't available yet, is an extremely cruel thing to do. (Spoiler: Ira has another seizure later in the day and dies before the vet can get there, but hey, at least he was at home!) After that, the last little shred of sympathy I had for the author
was gone. I felt terrible for Ira, and terrible for "The Bear", the author's daughter caught in the middle of this dysfunctional mess, but everyone else... Oy.
Disappointing, as I started this thinking it might be a 4 star, but the last third drove me batty.
July 8, 2018
I've tried and tried...given it a month.. but I got to 55% and I just cannot keep reading this book. If books could be read in monotone, this one would be. I very very rarely give up on a book and have not written a review like this in forever - but truly, this was not a pleasant experience!
The title itself is what caught me. That and the fact that it was an Amazon 'first' - pre-release opportunity to read. I pictured the sort of book that could be written with this amazing title and I was keen to get started and find out what this book would hold... disappointment was the answer.
The average goodreads raiting for this book is 3.50 stars which kind of indicates where I'm going with this review. It's biographical and it's always hard to criticise someone writing about their own life but it could have been done so much better, honestly. There's something about this author... her author page on goodreads has only one book that she 'wants to read' and... it's her own. That's how this book goes... Someone else has coined it perfectly as a self-indulgent misery 'fest.'
So what's it about? Hard to say really. I mean the primary character (Ira the dog) is more enthralling than the humans in the book but he hardly gets a look in other than at the start when he's dying but buys himself an extra year and some months. (No spoiler, she genuinely does start the book by telling us...there's the ONLY surprise gone). That year and some months is what we're supposed to be following Balbirer through but she goes back and forth all over the place and if she started her paragraphs with 'this one time...at... ' I would not even be shocked.
The toxicity oozing from this book overtook the underlying theme - a dying dog - come on people! A bitter taste was left in the mouths of many readers I'm sure when trying to navigate Balbirer's wordy, lengthy exploration of the demise of her marriage. I feel it's unfortunate she chose to write about a marriage in dog years because it really did have to be strung out - perhaps she could have chosen another unfortunate animals life span to save us all the trouble. Here's a suggestion - 'A marriage in drone ant years..' Three months. BOOM. Done.
Some books need to be written and maybe Balbirer got a lot out of writing this and it was good for her, but equally some books just need to stay as a lightly edited manuscript in the bottom drawer for reading when you're keen to indulge yourself in a pity fest. Balbirer - put the bad years behind you, rescue a cute dog, find a nice man and please for the literary worlds sanity, don't print your memoirs again.
The title itself is what caught me. That and the fact that it was an Amazon 'first' - pre-release opportunity to read. I pictured the sort of book that could be written with this amazing title and I was keen to get started and find out what this book would hold... disappointment was the answer.
The average goodreads raiting for this book is 3.50 stars which kind of indicates where I'm going with this review. It's biographical and it's always hard to criticise someone writing about their own life but it could have been done so much better, honestly. There's something about this author... her author page on goodreads has only one book that she 'wants to read' and... it's her own. That's how this book goes... Someone else has coined it perfectly as a self-indulgent misery 'fest.'
So what's it about? Hard to say really. I mean the primary character (Ira the dog) is more enthralling than the humans in the book but he hardly gets a look in other than at the start when he's dying but buys himself an extra year and some months. (No spoiler, she genuinely does start the book by telling us...there's the ONLY surprise gone). That year and some months is what we're supposed to be following Balbirer through but she goes back and forth all over the place and if she started her paragraphs with 'this one time...at... ' I would not even be shocked.
The toxicity oozing from this book overtook the underlying theme - a dying dog - come on people! A bitter taste was left in the mouths of many readers I'm sure when trying to navigate Balbirer's wordy, lengthy exploration of the demise of her marriage. I feel it's unfortunate she chose to write about a marriage in dog years because it really did have to be strung out - perhaps she could have chosen another unfortunate animals life span to save us all the trouble. Here's a suggestion - 'A marriage in drone ant years..' Three months. BOOM. Done.
Some books need to be written and maybe Balbirer got a lot out of writing this and it was good for her, but equally some books just need to stay as a lightly edited manuscript in the bottom drawer for reading when you're keen to indulge yourself in a pity fest. Balbirer - put the bad years behind you, rescue a cute dog, find a nice man and please for the literary worlds sanity, don't print your memoirs again.
June 25, 2018
I won "A Marriage in Dog Years: A Memoir" by Nancy Balbirer in the Goodreads Giveaway! I love this giveaway - what a nice opportunity to check out new authors and books!
Anyone who has gone through a divorce or long-term relationship can really appreciate the angst, the sadness, and the loneliness that seems to go with the break-up and ending of a marriage. This book shows all of this and more. The book is not really about animals. It's more about a relationship that is breaking apart and the woman who is trying to save both her marriage and her sweet beagle.
The author Nancy and her husband Sam find Ira, a sweet beagle puppy, in the first year of their marriage. Eleven years later, both Ira and the marriage are dying. The demise of the marriage is the focal point of this book but it is tempered by the love and concern for Ira that bind the story together in a very real way. I loved the way the author described her feelings for her best bud. The last few hours of Ira's life, told in sweet detail, culminate with the death of Ira and seemed to spell the end of Nancy's indecisiveness about her marriage. I felt real sadness about Ira's death but a real relief once Nancy made the decision to move on with her life.
The story is a bit wordy. I could have done without some of the descriptive details - there were places where the sentiments were told one time too many. I did like that the author shared Sam's side of the story as best she could. It seemed to be Sam was never really committed to this relationship and said so in many ways. Nancy seemed aware of this but her hopes of Sam's buying into their relationship were what many of us have hoped for, too. I like the way the author tried to show a separate perspective.
I'm glad I read this book. It shows humor, sadness, concern for others, and the lengths one will go to save something, be it an animal or a marriage. It is a thoughtful read for everyone in or ending a relationship.
Anyone who has gone through a divorce or long-term relationship can really appreciate the angst, the sadness, and the loneliness that seems to go with the break-up and ending of a marriage. This book shows all of this and more. The book is not really about animals. It's more about a relationship that is breaking apart and the woman who is trying to save both her marriage and her sweet beagle.
The author Nancy and her husband Sam find Ira, a sweet beagle puppy, in the first year of their marriage. Eleven years later, both Ira and the marriage are dying. The demise of the marriage is the focal point of this book but it is tempered by the love and concern for Ira that bind the story together in a very real way. I loved the way the author described her feelings for her best bud. The last few hours of Ira's life, told in sweet detail, culminate with the death of Ira and seemed to spell the end of Nancy's indecisiveness about her marriage. I felt real sadness about Ira's death but a real relief once Nancy made the decision to move on with her life.
The story is a bit wordy. I could have done without some of the descriptive details - there were places where the sentiments were told one time too many. I did like that the author shared Sam's side of the story as best she could. It seemed to be Sam was never really committed to this relationship and said so in many ways. Nancy seemed aware of this but her hopes of Sam's buying into their relationship were what many of us have hoped for, too. I like the way the author tried to show a separate perspective.
I'm glad I read this book. It shows humor, sadness, concern for others, and the lengths one will go to save something, be it an animal or a marriage. It is a thoughtful read for everyone in or ending a relationship.
October 10, 2018
"Because, as weird as it sounds, it’s an act of love to let someone go who’s meant so much, so they can get on with the rest of their lives."
I believe that one line sums up this novel very well. A Marriage in Dog Years sadly follows along as a marriage crumbles. It's told from the wife's point of view and the reader goes on the excruciating journey with her and her pain at not only coming to grips with the end of her marriage, but in that 12 year relationship, her companion and best friend, Ira (a hound dog), also gets ill.
All animal lovers can relate to the pain she endures as she comes to terms with the fact that she cannot continue to prolong the dog's life. And anyone who has been through a painful breakup can also relate to Nancy's pain of realization that she cannot save her marriage. Letting both her husband, Sam, and Ira go and moving on to an unknown future is scary for her and her daughter, but can also be the best for all involved in the end.
The book had a good idea for a story, but for me at times I got bored reading it. Too many movie, music, or book references I had no idea what it was referring to and it just lost me and I feel didn't add anything to the story. I get that was part of who the main character was, but it got to descriptive at times trying to explain it to the reader. It just wasn't as entertaining as I had hoped the story would be. I'm an animal lover and had hoped it would focus more on the dog instead of the people.
I believe that one line sums up this novel very well. A Marriage in Dog Years sadly follows along as a marriage crumbles. It's told from the wife's point of view and the reader goes on the excruciating journey with her and her pain at not only coming to grips with the end of her marriage, but in that 12 year relationship, her companion and best friend, Ira (a hound dog), also gets ill.
All animal lovers can relate to the pain she endures as she comes to terms with the fact that she cannot continue to prolong the dog's life. And anyone who has been through a painful breakup can also relate to Nancy's pain of realization that she cannot save her marriage. Letting both her husband, Sam, and Ira go and moving on to an unknown future is scary for her and her daughter, but can also be the best for all involved in the end.
The book had a good idea for a story, but for me at times I got bored reading it. Too many movie, music, or book references I had no idea what it was referring to and it just lost me and I feel didn't add anything to the story. I get that was part of who the main character was, but it got to descriptive at times trying to explain it to the reader. It just wasn't as entertaining as I had hoped the story would be. I'm an animal lover and had hoped it would focus more on the dog instead of the people.
March 25, 2019
From the rating, I guess you can tell I did not enjoy "A Marriage in Dog Years."
This is a classic example of a coastal elite, self-absorbed navel-gazing memoir, which ropes in the unsuspecting reader by claiming it's a story about man's best friend and making it sound like a dog book. To be sure, Ira, the doomed beagle, makes many appearances throughout the book. But this is really the story of a failed marriage, told from one-side. This is not a dog book. If you want a dog book, go pick up "Marley and Me."
I found the author shallow, unlikable, and grating. The way the author kept Ira alive was ... excruciating. This would have been forgiven if the author had been the least bit sympathetic.Her excessive and pretentious prose and unnecessary dropping of f-bombs (is this supposed to make her "edgy"?) made for a painful and tiresome read. This book could have been half as long and was in desperate need of a very strong and brutal editor's hand. (Was this book professionally edited? If I edited this...thing...I wouldn't want to admit it.)
I flipped through the end to find out what happened to Ira, the only character I cared even a bit about.
On the plus side, the cover to the book was nice. Otherwise, I cannot recommend "A Marriage in Dog Years."
This is a classic example of a coastal elite, self-absorbed navel-gazing memoir, which ropes in the unsuspecting reader by claiming it's a story about man's best friend and making it sound like a dog book. To be sure, Ira, the doomed beagle, makes many appearances throughout the book. But this is really the story of a failed marriage, told from one-side. This is not a dog book. If you want a dog book, go pick up "Marley and Me."
I found the author shallow, unlikable, and grating. The way the author kept Ira alive was ... excruciating. This would have been forgiven if the author had been the least bit sympathetic.Her excessive and pretentious prose and unnecessary dropping of f-bombs (is this supposed to make her "edgy"?) made for a painful and tiresome read. This book could have been half as long and was in desperate need of a very strong and brutal editor's hand. (Was this book professionally edited? If I edited this...thing...I wouldn't want to admit it.)
I flipped through the end to find out what happened to Ira, the only character I cared even a bit about.
On the plus side, the cover to the book was nice. Otherwise, I cannot recommend "A Marriage in Dog Years."
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