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188 pages, Paperback
First published January 15, 2017
Brown clouds of dust made the horizon hazy. Dry, round tumbleweed, like the skeletons of globes, bounced over the road and collected along the fences.
Sleepy from spending a night at a truck stop near Rapid City, I stood on the shoulder of Interstate 90, sticking my thumb up. My arm began to hurt, and after an hour or so I sat on the side of the road, propping my arm on my backpack. Two hours later I lay on the shoulder and lifted my right leg, barefoot, sticking up my large toe.
I’m in favour of total freedom, and when I was living in some of these isolated settings I couldn’t have it, but my animals could. They were living my dream in a way. We live such sublimated, unspontaneous lives, so it’s admirable to see an alternative – something that is actually in us, after all. We’re all animals inside.
Each small-time farmer, especially European-style, eats his pets. The shepherd grows a few head of sheep and cows, and then kills his pets. That must be an extremely painful moment for him, but at the same time, a real moment. You kill a bit of yourself, of your love, your beautiful world, in order to eat, and a feast is a double kind of a thing – it's always a funeral.
He calculated, probably, which factor was more important here – that I was an old friend, or that I was a Croatian with resentments about the Serbian destruction of Croatia in the '90s. Serbs kill their political opponents the old-fashioned way, with bullets in hotel lobbies, while Russians and Croats use radioactive chemicals and drugs.
Perhaps that's why our ethnic restaurants and cafés close down in communities where there aren't large numbers of us. There aren't enough of us, of a single ethnicity, and we don't have a pan-ethnic ex-Yugoslav community to maintain a Balkan café. Quantity amounts to quality, to use the maxim of dialectical materialism, and there just aren't enough of us.