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Reset: My Fight for Inclusion and Lasting Change
The "necessary and incisive" (Roxane Gay) account of the discrimination case that "has blown open a conversation about the status of women" in the workplace (The New York Times)
In 2015, Ellen K. Pao sued a powerhouse Silicon Valley venture capital firm, calling out workplace discrimination and retaliation against women and other underrepresented groups. Her suit rocked the tech world--and exposed its toxic culture and its homogeneity. Her message overcame negative PR attacks that took aim at her professional conduct and her personal life, and she won widespread public support--Time hailed her as "the face of change." Though Pao lost her suit, she revolutionized the conversation at tech offices, in the media, and around the world. In Reset, she tells her full story for the first time.
The daughter of immigrants, Pao was taught that through hard work she could achieve her dreams. She earned multiple Ivy League degrees, worked at top startups, and in 2005 was recruited by Kleiner Perkins, arguably the world's leading venture capital firm at the time. In many ways, she did everything right, and yet she and other women and people of color were excluded from success--cut out of decisive meetings and email discussions, uninvited to CEO dinners and lavish networking trips, and had their work undercut or appropriated by male executives. It was time for a system reset.
After Kleiner, Pao became CEO of reddit, where she took forceful action to change the status quo for the company and its product. She banned revenge porn and unauthorized nude photos--an action other large media sites later followed--and shut down parts of reddit over online harassment. She and seven other women tech leaders formed Project Include, an award-winning nonprofit for accelerating diversity and inclusion in tech. In her book, Pao shines a light on troubling issues that plague today's workplace and lays out practical, inspiring, and achievable goals for a better future.
Ellen K. Pao's Reset is a rallying cry--the story of a whistleblower who aims to empower everyone struggling to be heard, in Silicon Valley and beyond.
In 2015, Ellen K. Pao sued a powerhouse Silicon Valley venture capital firm, calling out workplace discrimination and retaliation against women and other underrepresented groups. Her suit rocked the tech world--and exposed its toxic culture and its homogeneity. Her message overcame negative PR attacks that took aim at her professional conduct and her personal life, and she won widespread public support--Time hailed her as "the face of change." Though Pao lost her suit, she revolutionized the conversation at tech offices, in the media, and around the world. In Reset, she tells her full story for the first time.
The daughter of immigrants, Pao was taught that through hard work she could achieve her dreams. She earned multiple Ivy League degrees, worked at top startups, and in 2005 was recruited by Kleiner Perkins, arguably the world's leading venture capital firm at the time. In many ways, she did everything right, and yet she and other women and people of color were excluded from success--cut out of decisive meetings and email discussions, uninvited to CEO dinners and lavish networking trips, and had their work undercut or appropriated by male executives. It was time for a system reset.
After Kleiner, Pao became CEO of reddit, where she took forceful action to change the status quo for the company and its product. She banned revenge porn and unauthorized nude photos--an action other large media sites later followed--and shut down parts of reddit over online harassment. She and seven other women tech leaders formed Project Include, an award-winning nonprofit for accelerating diversity and inclusion in tech. In her book, Pao shines a light on troubling issues that plague today's workplace and lays out practical, inspiring, and achievable goals for a better future.
Ellen K. Pao's Reset is a rallying cry--the story of a whistleblower who aims to empower everyone struggling to be heard, in Silicon Valley and beyond.
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First published September 19, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 292 reviews
June 7, 2017
I was really interested in this story about a highly accomplished woman of color negotiating the white male-dominated tech industry, having followed Pao's story in the news. Overall, I wanted the book to be more rounded. There were certain moments and observations where I wanted Pao to sit and reflect more, tell us more. I wanted to see more of an acknowledgment of her privilege, which in no way negates the discrimination she faced at Kleiner Perkins but at times, it was like, "I went to Princeton and I went to Harvard and my husband and I have plenty of money," and it's like, girl, reflect on that a bit, perhaps, and what it has allowed you, and then imagine what it is like to be part of the tech industry without those blessings with more than a sentence or two.
That said, this is also a well-written, necessary and incisive look at how pernicious misogyny is in the tech industry and the culture at large. As Pao detailed her experiences while also communicating her passion for the work men often impeded her from doing, I was nothing short of infuriated and overwhelmed because in so many ways, the misogyny she faced seems so ingrained, so pervasive, so constant, that it is hard to imagine the industry overcoming it. It was great to see a woman speaking out like this and hopefully this book will encourage more woman to come forward, give voice to their experiences in the workplace, and contribute to meanintful change.
That said, this is also a well-written, necessary and incisive look at how pernicious misogyny is in the tech industry and the culture at large. As Pao detailed her experiences while also communicating her passion for the work men often impeded her from doing, I was nothing short of infuriated and overwhelmed because in so many ways, the misogyny she faced seems so ingrained, so pervasive, so constant, that it is hard to imagine the industry overcoming it. It was great to see a woman speaking out like this and hopefully this book will encourage more woman to come forward, give voice to their experiences in the workplace, and contribute to meanintful change.
October 5, 2017
I first heard about Ellen Pao when our local paper covered her lawsuit against her employer Kleiner Perkins Caufield and Byers for gender discrimination. It was no surprise that she lost the case.
This book primarily discusses her case of gender inequality in the science and business world. Pao has her degree in engineering from Princeton, a law degree from Harvard and an MBA from Harvard. Pao describes the problem women have in male-dominated fields. She says ambitious women are seen as aggressive. I have found this is a common theme in many books about gender inequality. As a female scientist I also have been subjected to many of the various tactics described in the book. I am much older than Pao so what we faced in many ways was far worse than she encountered. I remember in high school having to fight the school administration to be allowed into science classes. Then I was the only female in the class.
Pao tells of her life as a child in Maplewood, New Jersey growing up in a high-achieving Chinese immigrant family. She tells of her education and life in the business world. She also describes the treatment she received from men during and after her lawsuit. The last part of the book is about the work she is doing and the organization she has started to create diversity in the tech industry.
The book is well written. The pernicious misogyny she describes is a common problem faced by most women over the years and it only gets worse the higher women try to climb in their field.
I read this as an audiobook downloaded from Audible. The book is almost eleven hours long. Emily Woo Zeller did a great job narrating the book. Zeller is an Audie nominated narrator and has earned multiple Earphone and SOVRS awards. She also received Audiofile magazines Best Voice Award in 2013 and 2015.
This book primarily discusses her case of gender inequality in the science and business world. Pao has her degree in engineering from Princeton, a law degree from Harvard and an MBA from Harvard. Pao describes the problem women have in male-dominated fields. She says ambitious women are seen as aggressive. I have found this is a common theme in many books about gender inequality. As a female scientist I also have been subjected to many of the various tactics described in the book. I am much older than Pao so what we faced in many ways was far worse than she encountered. I remember in high school having to fight the school administration to be allowed into science classes. Then I was the only female in the class.
Pao tells of her life as a child in Maplewood, New Jersey growing up in a high-achieving Chinese immigrant family. She tells of her education and life in the business world. She also describes the treatment she received from men during and after her lawsuit. The last part of the book is about the work she is doing and the organization she has started to create diversity in the tech industry.
The book is well written. The pernicious misogyny she describes is a common problem faced by most women over the years and it only gets worse the higher women try to climb in their field.
I read this as an audiobook downloaded from Audible. The book is almost eleven hours long. Emily Woo Zeller did a great job narrating the book. Zeller is an Audie nominated narrator and has earned multiple Earphone and SOVRS awards. She also received Audiofile magazines Best Voice Award in 2013 and 2015.
November 21, 2017
I venture to guess that anyone reading Ellen Pao's personal experience about the discrimination she alleges at the hands of partners in the Silicon Valley venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins will find something in it with which to identify. I don’t expect anyone disbelieves her account. The cliquish melodrama of board meetings or the exclusionary after-hours drinking and strip clubs will be familiar to many, not all of them women. The truth is, the watch-your-back lifestyle of partners out for themselves in a corporate environment can get pretty ugly, particularly when large amounts of money are thrown about.
Pao is just one of the first women to document how such exclusionary behaviors affects so-called attempts to diversify management away from white men who probably [should] feel a little uncertain about sitting atop a corporation that is supposed to have its hand wrapped around the zeitgeist. But any uncertainty these white men feel about their position is no excuse for discrimination based on sex, color, sexual orientation.
Let’s face it: Ellen Pao is one very special individual, but she’s not going to change American corporate culture all on her own. She merely points out how childish corporate culture can become when adults with family responsibilities and an obligation to think outside the box and be challenged in their thinking try to find ways around those obligations.
Ellen goes through whole sordid, tiresome saga of being given seats in the back of the room, not being invited to business dinners (or even some business meetings!), of being asked to get the coffee or pass the cookies, chapter and verse, yada yada, but here it is, bluntly:
Pao’s loss against Kleiner Perkins may define her, but not in the way the partners thought. Ellen Pao is not only a star, but a thought leader. At the end of this book detailing her discrimination case against the venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins, she writes of work done as CEO of reddit. They were one of the first internet firms to take down user content that was anti-social, hate speech, pornographic, or harassing. Those are difficult decisions to make. No other company was able to make that decision until she had. After reddit she set up a venture, Project Include, to help early- to mid-stage tech firms diversify their leadership and management teams. She acknowledges change is hard, that it won’t happen on its own, and that lessons her team has learned can be useful for firms wanting to start but who are overwhelmed with choices.
This book is not merely Pao’s side of the Kleiner Perkins lawsuit. It is Pao’s take-aways from that soul-crushing experience. This book is how you know this woman is going to power up and over any obstacle in her way. The thing she seems to understand is that diversity is, well, diverse. Not everyone thinks alike. That can divide a group, but Pao is betting that making people feel comfortable speaking out, contributing, and showcasing their special talents will bring a cohesiveness that will make the group succeed. Let’s hope so. Be prepared for something radical. And watch this woman. My money’s on her.
Some extremely nasty commentary took place in the media before, during and after the Kleiner Perkins lawsuit, including this somewhat absurd piece in Fortune by Fox News contributor and now Fortune executive editor Adam Lashinsky and Katie Benner. The authors point out a real logical inconsistency: that Ellen Pao’s “jaw-dropping” and “bold” lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins “flew in the face of past criticisms levied against her by Kleiner partners — that she was passive, that she waited for orders, and that she was risk-averse.” Pao answers all the questions raised in this article fully and adequately, even eloquently, in this book. As I contend, I’ve seen these behaviors before. Theirs don’t make sense. Hers do. I’m with her.
Pao is just one of the first women to document how such exclusionary behaviors affects so-called attempts to diversify management away from white men who probably [should] feel a little uncertain about sitting atop a corporation that is supposed to have its hand wrapped around the zeitgeist. But any uncertainty these white men feel about their position is no excuse for discrimination based on sex, color, sexual orientation.
Let’s face it: Ellen Pao is one very special individual, but she’s not going to change American corporate culture all on her own. She merely points out how childish corporate culture can become when adults with family responsibilities and an obligation to think outside the box and be challenged in their thinking try to find ways around those obligations.
Ellen goes through whole sordid, tiresome saga of being given seats in the back of the room, not being invited to business dinners (or even some business meetings!), of being asked to get the coffee or pass the cookies, chapter and verse, yada yada, but here it is, bluntly:
”As my time in venture wore on, more and more I began to notice my colleagues’ desperate unwillingness to depart from what they knew. The fear seemed, to me, to come from social anxiety. Almost all these men—and they were nearly all men—were awkward with each other and filled the awkwardness with clunky, inappropriate conversations. They might spend a full hour discussing porn stars and debating their favorite type of sex worker…Some would check out and flirt with the much younger administrative assistants—half to a third their age—and some would make racist jokes that weren’t funny…Or sexist jokes…week after week after week, and sometimes more than once in the same day.”I will take a stab at suggesting that we’ve all been there…in high school. Ellen Pao grew up Asian American in a white world. She knows all about different. She knows about Asia and she knows about America. Not exclusionary. Not arrogant. Not, in fact, entirely sure of herself, despite three IV-league degrees in engineering, law and business. But she’s had enough of the chortling adolescents with sexual hand gestures—in school and at work.
Pao’s loss against Kleiner Perkins may define her, but not in the way the partners thought. Ellen Pao is not only a star, but a thought leader. At the end of this book detailing her discrimination case against the venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins, she writes of work done as CEO of reddit. They were one of the first internet firms to take down user content that was anti-social, hate speech, pornographic, or harassing. Those are difficult decisions to make. No other company was able to make that decision until she had. After reddit she set up a venture, Project Include, to help early- to mid-stage tech firms diversify their leadership and management teams. She acknowledges change is hard, that it won’t happen on its own, and that lessons her team has learned can be useful for firms wanting to start but who are overwhelmed with choices.
This book is not merely Pao’s side of the Kleiner Perkins lawsuit. It is Pao’s take-aways from that soul-crushing experience. This book is how you know this woman is going to power up and over any obstacle in her way. The thing she seems to understand is that diversity is, well, diverse. Not everyone thinks alike. That can divide a group, but Pao is betting that making people feel comfortable speaking out, contributing, and showcasing their special talents will bring a cohesiveness that will make the group succeed. Let’s hope so. Be prepared for something radical. And watch this woman. My money’s on her.
Some extremely nasty commentary took place in the media before, during and after the Kleiner Perkins lawsuit, including this somewhat absurd piece in Fortune by Fox News contributor and now Fortune executive editor Adam Lashinsky and Katie Benner. The authors point out a real logical inconsistency: that Ellen Pao’s “jaw-dropping” and “bold” lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins “flew in the face of past criticisms levied against her by Kleiner partners — that she was passive, that she waited for orders, and that she was risk-averse.” Pao answers all the questions raised in this article fully and adequately, even eloquently, in this book. As I contend, I’ve seen these behaviors before. Theirs don’t make sense. Hers do. I’m with her.
October 10, 2017
I came to know who Ellen Pao was when she was the interim CEO of reddit. At that time, I learned that she was the evil CEO who fired Victoria, a much loved /r/IAMA community manager, and was trying to limit the freedom of a community. The Victoria incident pissed me off, but honestly, I was happy that she got rid of subs like /r/fatpeoplehate. And then it emerged much later that she wasn't the one who messed with Victoria. Instead, the former founder of reddit, Alexis Ohanian, was behind that and conveniently let her take the fall for it. The above was enough reason for me to be interested in her life.
And then I found out that she filed a gender discrimination lawsuit against a major VC firm in the Valley. Intriguing.
And then I found out that she wrote a book where she talks about inclusion and gender discrimination. Hmmm, not so interested. Wait, but why? Well, I have seen a lot of articles of late by people that read like rants about how the world is against them and everything wrong in the world is to be blamed on straight white men. That has turned me off from several books and people. I understand that there are problems and discrimination exists in some ways and something should be done, but I utterly dislike rants that attempt to polarize me against an entire group....in this case, straight white men. So, I almost didn't read this book, but I figured, what the hell, let's give it a shot.
With all that in mind, I can clearly say that I loved this book. No, I don't agree with everything Pao says, but I truly appreciated the even-handedness of this book. I got a look into her life (interesting), a look into the culture of VC firms (interesting), a look into her stint at reddit (very interesting to me, tbh), and a look into why she felt discriminated against (very interesting). The feeling I got from her is not that of a whiny person desperately seeking attention, but rather that of someone who worked hard, got the short end of the stick, realized that many people in her situation faced the same issues, and went and did something about it. I appreciate her for what she has done. And I appreciate this book for really giving me a visceral understanding of what it feels like to die a death of a thousand cuts. My blood boiled while reading several parts of this book and I was well and truly enraged. But in the end, what she did mattered. If for no other reason than to convince this one reader that gender and color-based discrimination is not yet a thing of the past.
And then I found out that she filed a gender discrimination lawsuit against a major VC firm in the Valley. Intriguing.
And then I found out that she wrote a book where she talks about inclusion and gender discrimination. Hmmm, not so interested. Wait, but why? Well, I have seen a lot of articles of late by people that read like rants about how the world is against them and everything wrong in the world is to be blamed on straight white men. That has turned me off from several books and people. I understand that there are problems and discrimination exists in some ways and something should be done, but I utterly dislike rants that attempt to polarize me against an entire group....in this case, straight white men. So, I almost didn't read this book, but I figured, what the hell, let's give it a shot.
With all that in mind, I can clearly say that I loved this book. No, I don't agree with everything Pao says, but I truly appreciated the even-handedness of this book. I got a look into her life (interesting), a look into the culture of VC firms (interesting), a look into her stint at reddit (very interesting to me, tbh), and a look into why she felt discriminated against (very interesting). The feeling I got from her is not that of a whiny person desperately seeking attention, but rather that of someone who worked hard, got the short end of the stick, realized that many people in her situation faced the same issues, and went and did something about it. I appreciate her for what she has done. And I appreciate this book for really giving me a visceral understanding of what it feels like to die a death of a thousand cuts. My blood boiled while reading several parts of this book and I was well and truly enraged. But in the end, what she did mattered. If for no other reason than to convince this one reader that gender and color-based discrimination is not yet a thing of the past.
January 22, 2018
This took me a long time to finish - perhaps because some of it just resonated a bit too well. While I respected Pao before reading it, it really hit me how hard she struggled after reading it and just how resilient she was. Having dealt with some discrimination and gaslighting in the past, I felt like it nearly broke me when people kept telling me the problem was me. When HR told me "Why would he hire women if he didn't treat them well?" it felt like the onus was on me justify someone else's bad behavior. I wanted to curl up in a small ball when I heard that and I have no idea how Pao just kept showing up and pushing through that.
Really recommend reading to understand the depths the absurdity she went through. The end attempts to start towards a resolution but is, in many ways, incomplete because the struggle is still real. The book poses a lot of questions for which we just don't have easy answers.
Really recommend reading to understand the depths the absurdity she went through. The end attempts to start towards a resolution but is, in many ways, incomplete because the struggle is still real. The book poses a lot of questions for which we just don't have easy answers.
October 25, 2017
“Informing ourselves on all facets of the challenges we face is the first step to understanding how to overcome them”
Ellen Pao started her career in tech in the 90s. In 2005, she was recruited to join Kleiner Perkins, one of the prominent venture capital firms. Her experience at the firm ultimately lead to her highly publicised discrimination lawsuit. After working at Kleiner, Pao worked briefly as Reddit CEO where she oversee some of the more significant changes in handling online harassment. This lead her to her current career as a diversity and inclusion activist and tech investor.
This book is nothing short of courageous. I refrain from calling it a memoir because it is very much structured to be a reflective re-telling of her discrimination case against Kleiner Perkins, her controversial exit from Reddit and her work as a founding member of Project Include. The book is very straightforward and holds no punches. Pao made it very clear who were her allies and who were her adversaries. I truly appreciated that she recognised and articulated that she was in an unique position to take action and not everyone in the same position can afford these options for many reasons.
Although her accounts are very matter of fact, you feel the emotion of the story. She goes into excruciating detail of the instances of misogyny and discrimination during her career. These accounts were particularly infuriating to read because you have probably experienced or bear witness to similar unchecked behavior. However, Pao did pepper hindsight advice throughout the book as well as give concrete steps on how to navigate difficult workplace cultures at the end. The way she addressed how the negative circumstances impacted her personal life was truly heartbreaking.
There is a lot of repetition to make the connections and at times making the book dry in some areas. It was also surprisedly factual without injecting too many negative feelings towards her adversaries. At times, I wanted her to express more angry at certain situations, including
This book is painfully very relevant but shockingly, did not make the New York Times Bestseller list. This is a #Metoo story that needs to reach the masses. Please slip this book into the hands of every graduate about to embark on their career trajectory
Ellen Pao started her career in tech in the 90s. In 2005, she was recruited to join Kleiner Perkins, one of the prominent venture capital firms. Her experience at the firm ultimately lead to her highly publicised discrimination lawsuit. After working at Kleiner, Pao worked briefly as Reddit CEO where she oversee some of the more significant changes in handling online harassment. This lead her to her current career as a diversity and inclusion activist and tech investor.
This book is nothing short of courageous. I refrain from calling it a memoir because it is very much structured to be a reflective re-telling of her discrimination case against Kleiner Perkins, her controversial exit from Reddit and her work as a founding member of Project Include. The book is very straightforward and holds no punches. Pao made it very clear who were her allies and who were her adversaries. I truly appreciated that she recognised and articulated that she was in an unique position to take action and not everyone in the same position can afford these options for many reasons.
Although her accounts are very matter of fact, you feel the emotion of the story. She goes into excruciating detail of the instances of misogyny and discrimination during her career. These accounts were particularly infuriating to read because you have probably experienced or bear witness to similar unchecked behavior. However, Pao did pepper hindsight advice throughout the book as well as give concrete steps on how to navigate difficult workplace cultures at the end. The way she addressed how the negative circumstances impacted her personal life was truly heartbreaking.
There is a lot of repetition to make the connections and at times making the book dry in some areas. It was also surprisedly factual without injecting too many negative feelings towards her adversaries. At times, I wanted her to express more angry at certain situations, including
This book is painfully very relevant but shockingly, did not make the New York Times Bestseller list. This is a #Metoo story that needs to reach the masses. Please slip this book into the hands of every graduate about to embark on their career trajectory
December 28, 2018
As a woman who has spent my entire career at startups and tech companies, a lot of Pao's experiences were a little too familiar, which made this a tough read for me. Diversity and inclusion in tech is an issue I feel strongly about, and this book helped energize me to do more to be part of the solution.
The absolute ridiculousness that Pao had to deal with was mind-boggling, and it's admirable that she kept showing up and persisting despite it all. As an avid redditor (which may surprise a lot of you!), I admittedly knew much more about Pao's time as reddit's interim CEO than I did about her trial against Kleiner Perkins, and I think my personal feelings about the way she handled some things at reddit made me dislike parts of the book more than I would have otherwise. Regardless, I really admire her activism and speaking out about these important issues.
The absolute ridiculousness that Pao had to deal with was mind-boggling, and it's admirable that she kept showing up and persisting despite it all. As an avid redditor (which may surprise a lot of you!), I admittedly knew much more about Pao's time as reddit's interim CEO than I did about her trial against Kleiner Perkins, and I think my personal feelings about the way she handled some things at reddit made me dislike parts of the book more than I would have otherwise. Regardless, I really admire her activism and speaking out about these important issues.
December 28, 2017
It's too bad you can't win a law suit for the most pernicious forms of sexism--the exclusion, the vulgar comments, and the general unseen forces of sexism that is at the root and in the branches of practically every male-dominated sector. But no, you have to specify a bad egg and a specific line of causation that led to harm. Pao writes a convincing narrative showing how pervasive sexism is in tech. But it's not a scandalous narrative and it's not at all surprising to any woman who has every worked in a male-dominated field. But for that, I applaud her. Nothing harrowing happened to Pao, but I am 100% convinced that her story is 100% accurate and just the tip of the iceberg. Particularly in this #metoo moment, I hope to see many more stories like this and maybe even decide that the behavior is unacceptable. Go Pao and others!
One of the most interesting tidbits in the book for me was how all these tech billionaires have a fear of the end of the world and are building themselves bunkers all over the world. They think they will be hunted in a coming race/class war. This makes me happy because I love that they live in fear understanding that their fortunes are undeserved and they fear that the rest of us will come for them. It makes me angry because we will never come for them. They will keep their carried interest loopholes, keep building 500 million dollar bachelor pads and keep excluding women and minorities from the levers of power
One of the most interesting tidbits in the book for me was how all these tech billionaires have a fear of the end of the world and are building themselves bunkers all over the world. They think they will be hunted in a coming race/class war. This makes me happy because I love that they live in fear understanding that their fortunes are undeserved and they fear that the rest of us will come for them. It makes me angry because we will never come for them. They will keep their carried interest loopholes, keep building 500 million dollar bachelor pads and keep excluding women and minorities from the levers of power
April 21, 2020
Ellen Pao is a fighter and a hero in so many ways. Her courage is astounding and her story is inspiring. Its sad to read of all the injustices she suffered at the workplace and sadly the micro-agressions and injustices are true for many working women. Thanks to Ellen's trial , there is much more awareness on improving diversity and eliminating gender harrasment at the workplace. Ellen could have settled for large sums of money at several points before and during the trial. However she turned those offers down and chose the difficult (and expensive) path of battling her male-dominated VC employer to shed light on the gross injustices suffered by women on a daily basis. Although she didnt win the trial, she has led the way for future generations of women and I admire her courage to do this!
October 23, 2017
This book should be read by anyone who has ever worked with other people.
January 26, 2018
The premise: rich, privileged Pao wonders why she's not everyone's favorite and writes a book about being wealthy but unpopular.
If that doesn't get your juices flowing it's probably because your net worth is nowhere near 9 figures. Few can empathize with the struggles Pao has faced in her quest to join the league of billionaires, from marrying a gay black man to suing everyone who ever got in her way. With her abrasive attitude and lack of gratitude it's almost as if Pao's fight is against inclusion and lasting change.
If that doesn't get your juices flowing it's probably because your net worth is nowhere near 9 figures. Few can empathize with the struggles Pao has faced in her quest to join the league of billionaires, from marrying a gay black man to suing everyone who ever got in her way. With her abrasive attitude and lack of gratitude it's almost as if Pao's fight is against inclusion and lasting change.
September 29, 2017
Ms. Pao details her rise and then fall in the tech world, telling candid stories of success and failure, and calls out the many ways that men control the levers of success in the tech industry and business at large. These stories include big and small instances of discrimination and exclusion that contribute to a climate that makes it much harder for women to succeed.
This is actually a beautiful book that I hope gets a wide audience. Throughout much of the book, Pao details how her male colleagues describe her as cold and negative. She writes that their constant badgering and harassment led her to act like this. In this book, Pao comes across as somebody who has really found her mission, which is to promote more inclusion in the workplace, thus helping people who have been shut out of the corridors of power as well as helping organizations by getting more out of people who haven't before been allowed to shine.
I really enjoyed the book and devoured it quickly.
This is actually a beautiful book that I hope gets a wide audience. Throughout much of the book, Pao details how her male colleagues describe her as cold and negative. She writes that their constant badgering and harassment led her to act like this. In this book, Pao comes across as somebody who has really found her mission, which is to promote more inclusion in the workplace, thus helping people who have been shut out of the corridors of power as well as helping organizations by getting more out of people who haven't before been allowed to shine.
I really enjoyed the book and devoured it quickly.
December 23, 2017
What heights might we have reached as a society, what technologies might we have already developed, where might we be if we simply believed that women are as good as men at everything we believe men to be good at? I'm not positing that we'd be living in some utopian Themyscira or that women are capable of solving all of the world's problems, but honestly - what might we have already accomplished as a species if our culture wasn't so invested in protecting men's ability to have business meetings in strip clubs, to force women to stand aside despite their talents just so men can tell sexist, dumbass jokes in the workplace?
October 21, 2017
Honest and well written book about Ellen’s experience with gender discrimination in the venture capital industry. I could relate to some of the challenges and the struggle to know how to handle them. I appreciate that she can acknowledge her mistakes as well. This isn’t a feminist ‘men are terrible people’ kind of book - she also acknowledges the men who were supportive throughout her career. It’s a good read and inspired me to do more to support other women, especially mentoring those just getting started in their careers.
September 27, 2017
This is a powerful telling of Ellen Pao's story. I'm glad she was able to tell it freely.
This book is a necessary part of understanding the discrimination issues we're still facing today.
Everyone should read it.
This book is a necessary part of understanding the discrimination issues we're still facing today.
Everyone should read it.
October 26, 2017
I feel a bit guilty for not loving this book. I admire Ellen Pao. The matter-of-fact tone that she keeps throughout the book, while describing years of both suspected and overt harassment, is impressive. I was excited to see Project Include launch and believe it has a lot of potential. The fact that Pao had the vision and spirit to launch Project Include shortly after losing her lawsuit, that she didn't fade away or give up, is tremendous. But the book is...middling. It feels solid and steady but a bit slow. It might be a better read for people who are skeptical that the type of harassment Pao experienced happens, so they can be persuaded by her calm, steady explanation of her experiences.
The most intriguing part of the book was the time spent at reddit - I remember being shocked when Pao was named CEO (not knowing she'd already been working there), stunned that a woman in the middle of a gender discrimination lawsuit would choose to lead a site that harbors so much misogyny. I still don't share Pao's enthusiasm for the reddit community, but I can better appreciate her point of view and also can appreciate the changes she enacted.
The most intriguing part of the book was the time spent at reddit - I remember being shocked when Pao was named CEO (not knowing she'd already been working there), stunned that a woman in the middle of a gender discrimination lawsuit would choose to lead a site that harbors so much misogyny. I still don't share Pao's enthusiasm for the reddit community, but I can better appreciate her point of view and also can appreciate the changes she enacted.
July 3, 2019
Trigger warnings: Sexual harassment, racism, sexism, homophobia
My Video Review
My Video Review
September 15, 2018
More of a 3.5 but I'm rounding up because I recommend it as the first book you read about women in business. It's a memoir based on what it's like to be a woman in business, in terms of mistreatment, this time written by a woman of color who "lost" a lawsuit regarding discrimination/inappropriate behavior at work. It was like if Lean In was more personal and inclusive. If I had read this before reading Lean In, I would have enjoyed it more.
October 14, 2017
Reset rocked. I followed Ellen Pao's court saga from start to finish, and while I was heartily disappointed at the final verdict, I was certainly not surprised in light of my own experience in the Marine Corps and the results of many well known studies related to gender bias in the workplace. Ellen is a fighter and I knew that she would continue to advocate for gender equality no matter the outcome of her court case. I was thrilled when her book came out- and I couldn't put it down! I literally read it cover to cover in days. I highly recommend it for anyone who cares about creating a workplace where every employee can thrive-- regardless of gender (or any other minority category). As her story so clearly demonstrates, gender equality and leveling the playing field for women is not as much about "leaning in" as it is about engaging men in the discussion and ensuring we are all actively engaged in eliminating unconscious and conscious bias. Women can't do it alone...
September 25, 2018
Amazing amazing amazing book. Should be required reading for everyone in Tech sector. Adds to the emerging canon of the female experience in the Valley and Tech in general.
December 8, 2018
This book made me so angry and sad, maybe because nothing there was really surprising. It is a book that should be read. None of what Ellen talks about is really new or unknown to most women in tech...or any woman in a field that is filled with and driven by men. As an immigrant, I also related intensely to Ellen's approach to life and work and how that contributed to making the situation worse for her in so many ways. I am glad she put herself out there with this book.
The book itself could have been written better. It reads like a factual account of events probably because Ellen was in a legal battle for so long.
The book itself could have been written better. It reads like a factual account of events probably because Ellen was in a legal battle for so long.
December 13, 2017
Great content and issues. But Ellen is egotistical, obnoxious, repetitive and whinny. She is not the correct person to push forth such a worthy agenda. I felt i was reading a book about naming dropping and past grips vs a book speaking of relevant issues in our society. I couldn't get past her to care much. And i'm a woman. And she made important strides. She's just shouldn't have written her own story.
January 13, 2018
Nothing but the utmost respect for Ellen Pao. She is an amazing role model for women everywhere and this book is a testament to her incredible drive and resilience. I would encourage anyone who believes in fairness and diversity to read this book.
January 5, 2023
i'm sure the story itself is good, but i didn't get past ~2/3 of this book, mostly b/c the first 1/3 was a self-congratulatory pao describing her privileged childhood/adulthood and the next 1/3 was a lot of whiny self-victimization w/o any insight. would prob be better if someone else wrote it
October 26, 2017
An interesting “my side of the story” - particularly if you work/study in the tech industry or followed the Ellen Pao case.
October 7, 2018
Engrossing, detailed, vivid, inspiring- Pao's account doesn't hold back names or organizations in tech. This book is badass.
July 16, 2020
I decided to order this book after randomly reading an article that mentioned the Pao effect and wanted to know more. Wow, what an amazing book. A detailed account about early to current Silicon Valley start-ups and tech culture, Ellen leads us through her compelling journey of exposing and taking a legal stand against Kleiner Perkins, one of the most powerful venture capitalist firms. Ellen hits the nail on the head describing the microaggressions and discrimination that keeps women, people of color, and LGBTQ folk from climbing up the ladder. During the years of her lawsuit, I was in highschool, and during the reddit controversy I was just entering college. I saw the changes in reddit moving away from its HTML style into a reactive app with new UX/UI, but I was completely unaware of what was going on behind the curtains. To know that Ellen Pao was a tremendous driving force that turned mainstream internet culture away from depravity to inclusion and empowerment of minorities is awe inspiring. Reading this book helped me put the pieces together and it's a no brainer that her actions have had a notably profound affect on new age culture and technology/social media in my generation. As a female I was well aware of the subtle mechanics in our system that enable certain demographics to get away with sheer arrogance and saw first-hand in school how boys--especially those that were white and had family working in the administration--got away with things, so that wasn't a surprise to me. What I did not know was how bad it was and to my surprise how rooted it is in tech culture--or should I say NOT surprised that Silicon Valley was colonized by greedy, rich, powerful white men as soon as people took notice that start ups like Google could potentially become powerhouses worth billions of dollars. As a software engineer that graduated from San Jose State in 2019, this book is extremely relevant to me and what I may possibly face in my future career as a female, PoC, that is also queer. Ellen's writing style is straight to the point yet eloquent and detailed with names. I had to use the dictionary multiple times and read up on the numerous CEOs/companies/events mentioned--I learned a lot of vocabulary, about the history about Silicon valley, and how VC firms work. The fact that I had no idea who Ellen Pao was until recently--and the many women who are mentioned in this book--is very telling of what society values discussing, which is alarming. As someone who served on the board of the Society of Women Engineers chapter at my school, I am disappointed that this story did not reach me sooner, and that's why I am writing this review. I am going to recommend it to my colleagues, friends, and family. Anyone who cares about equality or works at a big company and is in a leadership role would find this book extremely beneficial, if not personally resonating and empowering. Ellen's detailed accounts are eye opening and I am amazed by how composed and calm she expresses it all while sharing infuriating experiences where she was cheated out of her work and integrity, and denied basic human respect. She also provides practical advice and solutions to approach situations of discrimination and how to prevent them. This book left me feeling more hopeful, empathetic, and passionate, excited about the future and confident that we can all contribute to make it a better, safer place for eachother. Thank you, Ellen.
December 27, 2017
The full story of Ellen Pao's experiences leading up to her gender discrimination lawsuit against Silicon Valley venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers.
What I liked: It was an inspiring story to read, one that she turned down millions of dollars in settlements to be able to share, one that filled me with anger and added fuel to the fire that is my work and hopes of improving diversity and inclusion as a female working in the tech industry. More and more people are stepping forward and sharing their stories in her wake. These discriminatory patterns and practices are pervasive across tech and finance industries, and hopefully as more voices come forward, we can work together to find viable solutions.
What I didn't like as much: some parts of her story, before things took a turn for the worst while working at Kleiner, sounded impossibly idyllic. The first part of her story sounded a bit like an over-optimistic college essay: "Most of the time there was harmony in Maplewood, and my sisters and I flourished there together." Even when her father dies, she doesn't dwell on it much, only devoting a quick paragraph to how it helped her "become driven to succeed in life. [...] confronted with mortality, you live the rest of your life aware of the void." I suppose she wanted to only give us a cursory glance of where she grew up and came from, to showcase how her parents had raised her to believe in a meritocratic world where working hard and keeping your head down equaled success, an existence with a sort of blissful ignorance. Still, I wish that there could have been more about Ellen.
Some of my favorite excerpts from her work:
"...What I saw as a venture capitalist made me realize that much of the talk about commitment to diversity and inclusion was just talk. In several years of working 24/ 7, full steam ahead, only to see more-junior men promoted ahead of other qualified women and me, and to be told that women should feel “flattered” when hit on by colleagues, and to be yelled at when asking for equal pay, and to see not one single Black or Latinx candidate considered for partner—I realized that the system isn’t fair. You can’t always get ahead by working hard if you’re not part of the “in” crowd. You will be ostracized no matter how smart you are, how bone-crushingly hard you work, how much money you make for the firm, or even how many times they insist they run a meritocracy. Year after year, we hear the same empty promises about inclusion, and year after year we see the same pitiful results. The culture, I began to realize, is designed to keep out people who aren’t white men."
"I have degrees in electrical engineering from Princeton and in law and business from Harvard. I’ve held high-powered jobs and worked hard every day of my life. Very few obstacles have proved insurmountable. And yet I found Silicon Valley’s venture capital community impenetrable and discriminatory."
"No doubt, we have it far better than our grandparents did—more legal protections, greater representation. Often today the bias is just subtler, the attitudes more hidden, the rationalization more nuanced. Exclusion shows up in forms that are harder to prove but continue to keep workplaces homogenous. It’s often so subtle that those in power find it hard to see, harder to acknowledge, and impossible to fix, in spite of all the stories, the data, and the research making it clear that the problem is very real."
"If you had the opportunity to have a bevy of workers who were overeducated, underpaid, and well experienced, that you could dump all the menial tasks you didn’t want to do on, that you could get to clean up all the problems, and that you could create a second class out of, wouldn’t you want them to stay?”
"The system is designed to keep us out. These are rooms full of white heterosexual men who want to keep acting like rooms full of white heterosexual men, and so either they continue to do so, creating a squirm-inducing experience for the rest of us, or they shut down when people of color or women enter the room and resent having to change their behavior. We are either silenced or we are seen as buzzkills. We are either left out of the social network that leads to power—the strip clubs and the steak dinners and the all-male ski trips—and so we don’t fit in, or our presence leads to changes in the way things are done, and that causes anger, which means we still don’t fit in. If you talk, you talk too much. If you don’t talk, you’re too quiet. You don’t own the room. If you want to protect your work, you’re not a team player. Your elbows are too sharp. You’re too aggressive. If you don’t protect your work, you should be leaning in. If you don’t negotiate, you’re underpaid. If you do negotiate, you’re complaining. If you want a promotion, you’re overreaching. If you don’t ask for a promotion, you get assigned all the unwanted tasks. The same goes when asking for a raise. There is no way to win, and you’re subject to constant gaslighting. When you stand up for yourself, there are fifteen reasons why you don’t deserve what you’re asking for. You’re whining. You don’t appreciate what you have. There is this steady drumbeat of: We let you in here even though you don’t belong! Be grateful. Just drop it."
"People were set up to succeed or fail largely as a result of their social standing—and their social standing seemed to have an awful lot to do with whether they liked to golf, ski, and drink good scotch. There was no pathway to success that anyone else could follow, particularly not women or people of color; requirements and standards changed constantly. Women and underrepresented people of color were systematically kept out of the rooms where decisions were made and routinely made to feel as if they didn’t belong. As I learned firsthand, many of these issues don’t rise to the level of criminally or legally punishable behavior, but that doesn’t mean they’re not toxic."
"I felt confident that if anyone asked, I could suggest how to dismantle this Catch-22–based system, how to create an inclusive workplace, how to make it a real family. I would say that there has to be a path to victory for every kind of person, not just guys who like golf and skiing and good scotch, who all went to the same schools. I would say that you do business during business hours, you listen to each other, and you find ways to work as a team rather than as cutthroat competitors; you don’t get rewarded for screwing over other people, especially the quietest or least connected people. And I would say that, at the bare minimum, when you have a man who is behaving in a predatory, manipulative fashion toward multiple women in your “family,” and you’re hearing worrisome things about him over the course of several years, by God, you don’t tolerate it."
What I liked: It was an inspiring story to read, one that she turned down millions of dollars in settlements to be able to share, one that filled me with anger and added fuel to the fire that is my work and hopes of improving diversity and inclusion as a female working in the tech industry. More and more people are stepping forward and sharing their stories in her wake. These discriminatory patterns and practices are pervasive across tech and finance industries, and hopefully as more voices come forward, we can work together to find viable solutions.
What I didn't like as much: some parts of her story, before things took a turn for the worst while working at Kleiner, sounded impossibly idyllic. The first part of her story sounded a bit like an over-optimistic college essay: "Most of the time there was harmony in Maplewood, and my sisters and I flourished there together." Even when her father dies, she doesn't dwell on it much, only devoting a quick paragraph to how it helped her "become driven to succeed in life. [...] confronted with mortality, you live the rest of your life aware of the void." I suppose she wanted to only give us a cursory glance of where she grew up and came from, to showcase how her parents had raised her to believe in a meritocratic world where working hard and keeping your head down equaled success, an existence with a sort of blissful ignorance. Still, I wish that there could have been more about Ellen.
Some of my favorite excerpts from her work:
"...What I saw as a venture capitalist made me realize that much of the talk about commitment to diversity and inclusion was just talk. In several years of working 24/ 7, full steam ahead, only to see more-junior men promoted ahead of other qualified women and me, and to be told that women should feel “flattered” when hit on by colleagues, and to be yelled at when asking for equal pay, and to see not one single Black or Latinx candidate considered for partner—I realized that the system isn’t fair. You can’t always get ahead by working hard if you’re not part of the “in” crowd. You will be ostracized no matter how smart you are, how bone-crushingly hard you work, how much money you make for the firm, or even how many times they insist they run a meritocracy. Year after year, we hear the same empty promises about inclusion, and year after year we see the same pitiful results. The culture, I began to realize, is designed to keep out people who aren’t white men."
"I have degrees in electrical engineering from Princeton and in law and business from Harvard. I’ve held high-powered jobs and worked hard every day of my life. Very few obstacles have proved insurmountable. And yet I found Silicon Valley’s venture capital community impenetrable and discriminatory."
"No doubt, we have it far better than our grandparents did—more legal protections, greater representation. Often today the bias is just subtler, the attitudes more hidden, the rationalization more nuanced. Exclusion shows up in forms that are harder to prove but continue to keep workplaces homogenous. It’s often so subtle that those in power find it hard to see, harder to acknowledge, and impossible to fix, in spite of all the stories, the data, and the research making it clear that the problem is very real."
"If you had the opportunity to have a bevy of workers who were overeducated, underpaid, and well experienced, that you could dump all the menial tasks you didn’t want to do on, that you could get to clean up all the problems, and that you could create a second class out of, wouldn’t you want them to stay?”
"The system is designed to keep us out. These are rooms full of white heterosexual men who want to keep acting like rooms full of white heterosexual men, and so either they continue to do so, creating a squirm-inducing experience for the rest of us, or they shut down when people of color or women enter the room and resent having to change their behavior. We are either silenced or we are seen as buzzkills. We are either left out of the social network that leads to power—the strip clubs and the steak dinners and the all-male ski trips—and so we don’t fit in, or our presence leads to changes in the way things are done, and that causes anger, which means we still don’t fit in. If you talk, you talk too much. If you don’t talk, you’re too quiet. You don’t own the room. If you want to protect your work, you’re not a team player. Your elbows are too sharp. You’re too aggressive. If you don’t protect your work, you should be leaning in. If you don’t negotiate, you’re underpaid. If you do negotiate, you’re complaining. If you want a promotion, you’re overreaching. If you don’t ask for a promotion, you get assigned all the unwanted tasks. The same goes when asking for a raise. There is no way to win, and you’re subject to constant gaslighting. When you stand up for yourself, there are fifteen reasons why you don’t deserve what you’re asking for. You’re whining. You don’t appreciate what you have. There is this steady drumbeat of: We let you in here even though you don’t belong! Be grateful. Just drop it."
"People were set up to succeed or fail largely as a result of their social standing—and their social standing seemed to have an awful lot to do with whether they liked to golf, ski, and drink good scotch. There was no pathway to success that anyone else could follow, particularly not women or people of color; requirements and standards changed constantly. Women and underrepresented people of color were systematically kept out of the rooms where decisions were made and routinely made to feel as if they didn’t belong. As I learned firsthand, many of these issues don’t rise to the level of criminally or legally punishable behavior, but that doesn’t mean they’re not toxic."
"I felt confident that if anyone asked, I could suggest how to dismantle this Catch-22–based system, how to create an inclusive workplace, how to make it a real family. I would say that there has to be a path to victory for every kind of person, not just guys who like golf and skiing and good scotch, who all went to the same schools. I would say that you do business during business hours, you listen to each other, and you find ways to work as a team rather than as cutthroat competitors; you don’t get rewarded for screwing over other people, especially the quietest or least connected people. And I would say that, at the bare minimum, when you have a man who is behaving in a predatory, manipulative fashion toward multiple women in your “family,” and you’re hearing worrisome things about him over the course of several years, by God, you don’t tolerate it."
December 21, 2018
Actual Rating 4.5*
See this review and more on Books and Ladders!
So I really enjoyed this. I work in diversity and inclusion so it was really interesting to hear about a pioneer's journey to bring more diversity and inclusion to tech. However, I had to read some of the news articles and magazine articles to give myself more context for the court situation. I think Ellen assumes that you know that part of her story (which I knew some but not all - I was in the middle of fourth year university when all this went down and I was FOCUSED on something else). But otherwise it was very insightful and a good expose of the challenges, barriers, obstacles, and opportunities that women, especially women of colour, have when entering the workforce, especially a (white) male-dominated area. Definitely recommend this one.
See this review and more on Books and Ladders!
So I really enjoyed this. I work in diversity and inclusion so it was really interesting to hear about a pioneer's journey to bring more diversity and inclusion to tech. However, I had to read some of the news articles and magazine articles to give myself more context for the court situation. I think Ellen assumes that you know that part of her story (which I knew some but not all - I was in the middle of fourth year university when all this went down and I was FOCUSED on something else). But otherwise it was very insightful and a good expose of the challenges, barriers, obstacles, and opportunities that women, especially women of colour, have when entering the workforce, especially a (white) male-dominated area. Definitely recommend this one.
March 10, 2018
Reset is Ellen Pao's book about her career, experiences with both law firm and tech employers, fight with Kleiner Perkins (KPCB), Project Include, and advice for firms and individuals. My rating is based on how clearly the ideas are articulated and supported, not my view of correctness. As a book, the first third really should have been cut down by 50-75% (rather than making it a biography, just focus the book on the most relevant period), and probably the law firm and university sections should have been reduced as well. The best part of the book, in my opinion, is the fairly candid and accurate analysis of the KPCB trial from Pao's side and what went right and wrong.
(Disclaimer: I know Ellen Pao (and think she's a competent/helpful business operator and advisor); I'm also pretty familiar with KPCB, and had a pre-existing opinion of KPCB post-~2004 which she managed to overcome.)
As an audiobook, it was ok, but absolutely should have been read by the author, not a professional narrator. (I always think authors of "issue" books like this should self-narrate, unless they're genuinely bad speakers; Ellen Pao could easily do professional-level narration herself.)
(Disclaimer: I know Ellen Pao (and think she's a competent/helpful business operator and advisor); I'm also pretty familiar with KPCB, and had a pre-existing opinion of KPCB post-~2004 which she managed to overcome.)
As an audiobook, it was ok, but absolutely should have been read by the author, not a professional narrator. (I always think authors of "issue" books like this should self-narrate, unless they're genuinely bad speakers; Ellen Pao could easily do professional-level narration herself.)
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