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It was the same every morning. Wake up, grab the ice skates, and head to the rink while the world was still dark.
Weekends were spent in glitter and tights at competitions. Perform. Smile. And do it again.
She was good. She won. And she hated it.
Poignant and captivating, Ignatz Award winner Tillie Walden’s powerful graphic memoir captures what it’s like to come of age, come out, and come to terms with leaving behind everything you used to know.
400 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 12, 2017
242 people are currently reading
23001 people want to read
About the author
Tillie Walden
38 books3,270 followersTillie Walden is an American cartoonist and illustrator.
Born in 1996 in San Diego, California, Walden graduated from the Center for Cartoon Studies in Vermont, where she is currently a professor.
Walden started publishing short comics when she was just a teenager. Her first long-form graphic novel The End of Summer was published by the British publisher Avery Hill in 2015. Her second book I Love This Part came out only a few months later, winning the 2016 Ignatz Award for promising new talent. Later Walden received the 2018 Eisner Award for Best Reality-Based Work for her memoir Spinning (2017). Among her other works are A City Inside (2016), On a Sunbeam (2018), Are You Listening? (2020), Alone in Space (2021) and the series Clementine.
Born in 1996 in San Diego, California, Walden graduated from the Center for Cartoon Studies in Vermont, where she is currently a professor.
Walden started publishing short comics when she was just a teenager. Her first long-form graphic novel The End of Summer was published by the British publisher Avery Hill in 2015. Her second book I Love This Part came out only a few months later, winning the 2016 Ignatz Award for promising new talent. Later Walden received the 2018 Eisner Award for Best Reality-Based Work for her memoir Spinning (2017). Among her other works are A City Inside (2016), On a Sunbeam (2018), Are You Listening? (2020), Alone in Space (2021) and the series Clementine.
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June 2, 2024
Spinning is an absolutely gorgeous memoir drenched in emotion from graphic novel prodigy Tillie Walden, completed when she was 21. Walden’s reflections perfectly capture the emotion brushes up against moments to attach themselves together in the memory, making this less a narrative of her adolescence and ice skating triumphs but a collage of emotions reverberating in snapshots of time and place. She has a gift to not only tug your heartstrings but play them like a full symphony as you feverishly step into the anxieties, sadnesses and joys of her life. Her signature artwork—which she says is inspired by Studio Ghibli—is on full display of brilliance. The limited color palette of muted shades of blue and white space occasionally punctuated with a bright yellow perfectly sets a mellow and moody yet dreamlike tone. This introspective book moves ponderously through anxieties and achievements that are relatable to anyone, being a moving universal message told through a singular and specific examination of ice skating.
While, yes, this is a book about ice skating, one does not need to enjoy the sport--or any sports--to be moved by this work. Walden looks at the grueling lifestyle of competitive ice skating, from waking up at 4am on little sleep, long lonely practices and the thrill of success. It is a sport she ‘disliked the femininity of it all yet was attracted to it nonetheless,’ wanting to quit yet unable to tear herself away. Personally, this story really resonated as I too was an overachieving teenager, both academically but also taking Cross Country and Track very seriously as one of our star runners. It was something I sort of hated and resented being good at because I had to keep pushing myself, more worried I’d let the team down than myself (though knowing I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t push myself to always improve), and the loneliness of a sport felt true to the long morning runs I’d before school and before the sunrise that I’d take, stuck alone with just the thoughts in my head the whole way. Walden perfectly captures the way your own thoughts can be overbearing when life is not going your way. We see how achievement at sports can be a way to push aside feelings of inadequacy elsewhere in life, fighting to find an identity you can be proud of and in this examination of self Walden lets down all the walls to be incredibly vulnerable on the page. It is quite moving.
Something Walden does astonishingly well is completely cover the reader in deep emotion. Her books feel like a much needed cry with a vague sadness that feels like a heavy blanket wrapped over you. It is emotionally taxing, in a good way, where you just want to keep crying even when nothing is sad because it is so beautiful to experience another person’s life this way.
There is a lot to cover in this book aside from her experiences in skating, such as moving across the country or, central to the memoir, her coming to terms with and exploring her sexuality. There is Rae, her first relationship, who seems to be the inspiration for many of her characters in other books (particularly in i love this part or Grace in On a Sunbeam). There is a lot of heartache and fear in this book, from a brother not accepting her as a lesbian, and also a scene with an older boy attempting to take advantage of her. When she rejects his advances, her shames her for it. It is a tragically all-too-common experience where women are then gaslit into wondering if somehow they brought in on themselves.
Yet in all this sadness and somber examinations there is light and beauty. We see Tillie’s cello teacher being someone she looks up to and can talk to (the coming out scene with her is so tear inducing), we see friendships and we see someone so very vulnerable yet so strong. While the book mostly just stops (it’s a memoir of a 21 year old, expecting a tidy conclusion seems like missing the point) the final scene is breathtaking. While a bit slower and melodramatic compared to her later works, Spinning is gorgeous and heartbreaking in all the best ways. I only wish it were around when I was a teenage athlete.
3.75/5
*Update 2022: I am very saddened to see that this lovely and empowering book was central to a controversy where an anti-public library group used Walden’s work as an excuse to attack library employees and harass queer youth at a neighboring library part of our collective. Back in April, officials in a Texas country were sued for banning several books, including this one, and admitted in court the ban attempt was for political disagreements. Which is all the more reason to read this book and, if you can, request it through your library. Stories like this are important and voices like Walden’s shouldn’t be silenced, especially not for political edgelord posturing, and one of my biggest impressions when I read this book was how much I wished it existed when I was a teen. Please protect books and libraries, friends.
While, yes, this is a book about ice skating, one does not need to enjoy the sport--or any sports--to be moved by this work. Walden looks at the grueling lifestyle of competitive ice skating, from waking up at 4am on little sleep, long lonely practices and the thrill of success. It is a sport she ‘disliked the femininity of it all yet was attracted to it nonetheless,’ wanting to quit yet unable to tear herself away. Personally, this story really resonated as I too was an overachieving teenager, both academically but also taking Cross Country and Track very seriously as one of our star runners. It was something I sort of hated and resented being good at because I had to keep pushing myself, more worried I’d let the team down than myself (though knowing I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t push myself to always improve), and the loneliness of a sport felt true to the long morning runs I’d before school and before the sunrise that I’d take, stuck alone with just the thoughts in my head the whole way. Walden perfectly captures the way your own thoughts can be overbearing when life is not going your way. We see how achievement at sports can be a way to push aside feelings of inadequacy elsewhere in life, fighting to find an identity you can be proud of and in this examination of self Walden lets down all the walls to be incredibly vulnerable on the page. It is quite moving.
Something Walden does astonishingly well is completely cover the reader in deep emotion. Her books feel like a much needed cry with a vague sadness that feels like a heavy blanket wrapped over you. It is emotionally taxing, in a good way, where you just want to keep crying even when nothing is sad because it is so beautiful to experience another person’s life this way.
There is a lot to cover in this book aside from her experiences in skating, such as moving across the country or, central to the memoir, her coming to terms with and exploring her sexuality. There is Rae, her first relationship, who seems to be the inspiration for many of her characters in other books (particularly in i love this part or Grace in On a Sunbeam). There is a lot of heartache and fear in this book, from a brother not accepting her as a lesbian, and also a scene with an older boy attempting to take advantage of her. When she rejects his advances, her shames her for it. It is a tragically all-too-common experience where women are then gaslit into wondering if somehow they brought in on themselves.
Yet in all this sadness and somber examinations there is light and beauty. We see Tillie’s cello teacher being someone she looks up to and can talk to (the coming out scene with her is so tear inducing), we see friendships and we see someone so very vulnerable yet so strong. While the book mostly just stops (it’s a memoir of a 21 year old, expecting a tidy conclusion seems like missing the point) the final scene is breathtaking. While a bit slower and melodramatic compared to her later works, Spinning is gorgeous and heartbreaking in all the best ways. I only wish it were around when I was a teenage athlete.
3.75/5
*Update 2022: I am very saddened to see that this lovely and empowering book was central to a controversy where an anti-public library group used Walden’s work as an excuse to attack library employees and harass queer youth at a neighboring library part of our collective. Back in April, officials in a Texas country were sued for banning several books, including this one, and admitted in court the ban attempt was for political disagreements. Which is all the more reason to read this book and, if you can, request it through your library. Stories like this are important and voices like Walden’s shouldn’t be silenced, especially not for political edgelord posturing, and one of my biggest impressions when I read this book was how much I wished it existed when I was a teen. Please protect books and libraries, friends.
December 31, 2017
This was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
TW: depression, sexual harassment, homophobia
TW: depression, sexual harassment, homophobia
June 29, 2019
3.5
I didn't realize this was a memoir until literally the second I was about to start it, so upon adjusting my expectations, I think this felt a bit flat for me. I know it's a memoir so it's discussing the author's journey with her career in skating, but it felt a bit monotone and I was struggling to grasp its purpose. Maybe it lacked enough of a resolution, but although I liked the art and the story fine, it didn't really grab me or connect with me.
I didn't realize this was a memoir until literally the second I was about to start it, so upon adjusting my expectations, I think this felt a bit flat for me. I know it's a memoir so it's discussing the author's journey with her career in skating, but it felt a bit monotone and I was struggling to grasp its purpose. Maybe it lacked enough of a resolution, but although I liked the art and the story fine, it didn't really grab me or connect with me.
October 5, 2019
It's not a story so much as a collection of feelings attached to memories accompanied by illustrations.
November 22, 2017
The cold from the ice rink seeps out of this book. Tillie has created a mood here and also she has shared her childhood. Getting up at 4am every morning, how do people do that? Tillie has shared her story openly and honestly, all her falls and all the times she soared. I love that she included her cello lessons here. Lessons are a place we grow up in, this little weekly bubble.
Tillie also told her coming out story and what that was like. I think she was 14. It feels very honest in the retelling of the story.
Something I find interesting about the art is Tillie seems to look the same in ink at all ages. Maybe her legs are drawn longer, it's hard to tell. I actually really love this as I don't know that we really age inside our heads. I think inside we are mostly ageless. The art is lovely and it's black and white with a solid color like yellow thrown in here and there. This is simply me, but I like full color novels. Yet, the art tells the story so well. I think it conveys her feelings well, so it works here.
First Second has done it again with a lovely memoir about ice skating. It was really neat to get a look into this world I only know from TV and the Olympics. Lovely piece of Art. Thank you.
Tillie also told her coming out story and what that was like. I think she was 14. It feels very honest in the retelling of the story.
Something I find interesting about the art is Tillie seems to look the same in ink at all ages. Maybe her legs are drawn longer, it's hard to tell. I actually really love this as I don't know that we really age inside our heads. I think inside we are mostly ageless. The art is lovely and it's black and white with a solid color like yellow thrown in here and there. This is simply me, but I like full color novels. Yet, the art tells the story so well. I think it conveys her feelings well, so it works here.
First Second has done it again with a lovely memoir about ice skating. It was really neat to get a look into this world I only know from TV and the Olympics. Lovely piece of Art. Thank you.
September 30, 2017
Tillie Walden is at this writing 21 years old (!), and this is already her fourth book, but this is her first long form work, a memoir about the 12 years she spent figure skating. I have read and reviewed two of her shorter, earlier works, I Love This Part and The End of Summer, and liked them actually better than this memoir as subtle, atmospheric short stories. This book is almost 400 pages, on a subject she herself never really loved. The moody, shy Walden has few friends, is bullied, though she seems to be (pretty) close to her father. Not so much her mother or twin brother. She likes winning competitions pretty well, she's a technician, but little else about the skating life. She likes a couple coaches along the way, but she seems to like her cello teacher better. So she finally stops doing it, turning to art.
So why read this? Do you need to read 400 pages about why Walden quit skating? I think you should at least consider it, because first and foremost it is gorgeous art, where more is told from the deft, closely observed images than the words themselves. We get a real picture of who Walden is, and she tells it like she is. It's not a highly analytical story, but this isn't her purpose. She shows and lets you decide what to make of it.
This is a story for quiet, unhappy girls, I think, and those who strive to understand them. It feels honest if not thrilling to read. And maybe most centrally, it is a coming-out story for the lesbian Walden, who depicts crushes and connections with mostly women in her early life, and her first relationship in middle school. This is, finally, compelling, rendered by a wonderful young artist.
So why read this? Do you need to read 400 pages about why Walden quit skating? I think you should at least consider it, because first and foremost it is gorgeous art, where more is told from the deft, closely observed images than the words themselves. We get a real picture of who Walden is, and she tells it like she is. It's not a highly analytical story, but this isn't her purpose. She shows and lets you decide what to make of it.
This is a story for quiet, unhappy girls, I think, and those who strive to understand them. It feels honest if not thrilling to read. And maybe most centrally, it is a coming-out story for the lesbian Walden, who depicts crushes and connections with mostly women in her early life, and her first relationship in middle school. This is, finally, compelling, rendered by a wonderful young artist.
May 25, 2025
"Nothing felt easy, but at least it wasn't new anymore"
Spinning is a memoir of Walden as a competitive skater where it deals with all these subjects of finding oneself, bullying and sexuality. I love the message centring this book as it's something that I believe most of us could relate to.
Unfortunately, there were several aspects of this book that do not work out for me with how it was illustrated and written. To begin with, this book is too long and bores me to death. It probably has to do with the fact that this book is hefty enough, it's giving me headaches to process what was happening. Add that it didn't set down in interesting manners for me to continue as I find the most scenarios going back and forth (I honestly took 5 days to finish this when it usually takes me 3 hours maximum to finish a graphic novel).
While the subject matter is compelling and distinct; and the visuals perfectly convey Tillie's emotions, particularly her loneliness and tiredness, the story's pacing is inconsistent. Some aspects that could benefit more exploration are simply ignored, resulting in a missed opportunity to give depth to the plot. If I have to describe the tone of this book in a word, it's depressing. I know this is a memoir and it's quite unfair for me to rate a book based off someone else's life, but this is where the illustration should come handy. You are not trying to write a full fledge novel by describing everything that happened. I kind of expect it to be a hopeful one (which it does to a point) but all along, this book just dragged me down with them.
November 16, 2017
Really moving story that made me shed a tear. I absolutely loved the art as well.
February 29, 2020
I have a hard time writing something critical/potentially negative when it comes to memoirs, because in a way it does feel as if you're rating someone's life. However, my issue with this novel comes more from Walden's writing and overall story telling than it does her subject.
It seems as if Walden has overcome a lot in her young life, but because of her delivery (or perhaps lack thereof) I wasn't able to get the full impact or be affected by it. We spend a lot of time on trivial matters/subjects, but when big things such as sexual assault, homophobia, accidents, etc arrive, Walden just sort of brushes it off?
The tone throughout this entire book is detached and unengaged. It feels as if we're being told a story of a friend of a friend's without knowing any of the intimate details. For example, Walden describes her twin as being the closest person to her, yet we don't see any of that in the book, and when he does show up I'm left surprised because I'd forgotten about his existence.
Similar to how Walden insinuates a rough relationship with her mother, yet we're never really shown any of the grit or the why. The story as a whole feels separate to Walden like she hasn't necessarily tapped into what she's been through or simply does not want to.
Lastly, a bit that bothered me was when Walden says in her memoir that she doesn't have a passion for drawing it's just something she does and feels a need to complete. To me it summarized the feeling of apathy throughout the book. It may very well be that she doesn't love drawing, but my point is that doesn't resonate with a reader that just spent time or money investing in her story. I would rather read from someone that genuinely has a passion for their work, fought to get her/his/their place, than from someone that just did it to do it.
It seems as if Walden has overcome a lot in her young life, but because of her delivery (or perhaps lack thereof) I wasn't able to get the full impact or be affected by it. We spend a lot of time on trivial matters/subjects, but when big things such as sexual assault, homophobia, accidents, etc arrive, Walden just sort of brushes it off?
The tone throughout this entire book is detached and unengaged. It feels as if we're being told a story of a friend of a friend's without knowing any of the intimate details. For example, Walden describes her twin as being the closest person to her, yet we don't see any of that in the book, and when he does show up I'm left surprised because I'd forgotten about his existence.
Similar to how Walden insinuates a rough relationship with her mother, yet we're never really shown any of the grit or the why. The story as a whole feels separate to Walden like she hasn't necessarily tapped into what she's been through or simply does not want to.
Lastly, a bit that bothered me was when Walden says in her memoir that she doesn't have a passion for drawing it's just something she does and feels a need to complete. To me it summarized the feeling of apathy throughout the book. It may very well be that she doesn't love drawing, but my point is that doesn't resonate with a reader that just spent time or money investing in her story. I would rather read from someone that genuinely has a passion for their work, fought to get her/his/their place, than from someone that just did it to do it.
May 18, 2019
I don't usually pick up sports-related memoirs as they don't typically interest me, and I know next to nothing about figure skating, so Spinning almost wasn't on my radar at all. The only reason I picked it up is that I learned it involved queer rep, and I'm actually really glad that I did.
Spinning offers such an insightful, though clearly somewhat traumatized take on what it's like to grow up as a kid who's all-in obsessed with a particular sport, hobby, etc. It's clear that Walden holds a lot of resentment for the sport and the atmosphere it created in her life, but at the same time, I didn't feel like her stance ever seemed unjust or overly bitter. As a kid who wasn't able to be in any sports like this, I remember sometimes feeling jealous of the kids who had their "thing" that they always did, but after reading this memoir, I'm a little bit grateful that my parents weren't the sort to let me half-kill myself over something like this (as it's made pretty abundantly clear that Tillie's parents, her mother especially, turned a wholly blind eye to the ridiculous toll figure skating took on her body and mental health at times).
I also thought the bits about her coming out process and her first girlfriend were really tender and sad, but valuable — they weren't very heavy-handed in the storytelling process, but it was still lovely to see that side of her and even to think back on my own experiences with coming out. I think nearly any queer person could read this and relate to Tillie's experiences, whether it's the friends she lost, the friends she was pleasantly surprised by, or the struggles of re-building bonds with her family members after their reactions came about.
Spinning offers such an insightful, though clearly somewhat traumatized take on what it's like to grow up as a kid who's all-in obsessed with a particular sport, hobby, etc. It's clear that Walden holds a lot of resentment for the sport and the atmosphere it created in her life, but at the same time, I didn't feel like her stance ever seemed unjust or overly bitter. As a kid who wasn't able to be in any sports like this, I remember sometimes feeling jealous of the kids who had their "thing" that they always did, but after reading this memoir, I'm a little bit grateful that my parents weren't the sort to let me half-kill myself over something like this (as it's made pretty abundantly clear that Tillie's parents, her mother especially, turned a wholly blind eye to the ridiculous toll figure skating took on her body and mental health at times).
I also thought the bits about her coming out process and her first girlfriend were really tender and sad, but valuable — they weren't very heavy-handed in the storytelling process, but it was still lovely to see that side of her and even to think back on my own experiences with coming out. I think nearly any queer person could read this and relate to Tillie's experiences, whether it's the friends she lost, the friends she was pleasantly surprised by, or the struggles of re-building bonds with her family members after their reactions came about.
November 27, 2017
4.5 stars. I'm very confused about how there are so many "eh" reviews because this book is GORGEOUS. Just tactically, the feel of holding this book is your hands is so *satisfying*. A lot of reviews said the pacing was "off", however I thought it was extremely relatable to how we remember our own childhoods and own our traumas.
Tillie Walden is only 21 (!!!!) and she crafted this book with such bravery and honesty. I wouldn't necessarily say it follows a traditional story arc, but the memoir is real and beautiful and will relate to many different audiences.
Tillie Walden is only 21 (!!!!) and she crafted this book with such bravery and honesty. I wouldn't necessarily say it follows a traditional story arc, but the memoir is real and beautiful and will relate to many different audiences.
August 2, 2023
Tillie Walden spent ten years in competitive figure skating, from roughly the ages eight to eighteen. Spinning is a graphic memoir about that time.
Though told through the lens of skating, this story is about a lot of other things, too. Growing up, competition, Walden coming to terms with her sexuality, and more.
The thing I came away with most from this book was the overriding sense of isolation Walden felt growing up. With her spacious art and sparse dialogue, she conveys a feeling of being cut off from everyone and everything around her.
Recommended for fans of indie comics, or those who want to try them out. - Mike M.
The life of a figure skater has always been intriguing, and this great graphic novel relates the memoirs of a young woman looking back on her years competing both as an individual and as part of a group of synchronized skaters. Tillie had made friends at her school in New Jersey, only to move with her family to Austin, Texas while she was in fifth grade. She felt a complete outsider and lost her love of skating, even as she discovered that she was gay. This life story makes for compelling reading. – Louisa A.
Though told through the lens of skating, this story is about a lot of other things, too. Growing up, competition, Walden coming to terms with her sexuality, and more.
The thing I came away with most from this book was the overriding sense of isolation Walden felt growing up. With her spacious art and sparse dialogue, she conveys a feeling of being cut off from everyone and everything around her.
Recommended for fans of indie comics, or those who want to try them out. - Mike M.
The life of a figure skater has always been intriguing, and this great graphic novel relates the memoirs of a young woman looking back on her years competing both as an individual and as part of a group of synchronized skaters. Tillie had made friends at her school in New Jersey, only to move with her family to Austin, Texas while she was in fifth grade. She felt a complete outsider and lost her love of skating, even as she discovered that she was gay. This life story makes for compelling reading. – Louisa A.
August 28, 2021
“Do what you love and the money will come"
Absolutely adored this graphic novel! This tells the story of the author’s youth and all the inconveniencies and harassment she had to go through. It puts across a strong message of self love and doing what you love in your life! The illustrations and the color schemes chosen for this book was ravishing! I absolutely recommend this!
I wish I was there for Tillie :(
Absolutely adored this graphic novel! This tells the story of the author’s youth and all the inconveniencies and harassment she had to go through. It puts across a strong message of self love and doing what you love in your life! The illustrations and the color schemes chosen for this book was ravishing! I absolutely recommend this!
I wish I was there for Tillie :(
May 27, 2018
Me ha encantado este cómic.
Lo primero que tengo que destacar es el dibujo de la autora, me ha apasionado. Y sobretodo, los colores que utiliza.
Y bueno, hablemos de que es una autobiografía de la autora y que eso, a la hora de leerlo, lo hace aún mucho más duro, porque sabes que ella ha pasado por todo eso.
Sí, el tema principal es el patinaje sobre hielo (digamos mejor que es el eje de la historia, pero en sí no trata sobre patinaje...), pero no es lo único que la autora toca en este libro. Lo más importante son los otros temas, como el bullying, la homofobia, los abusos sexuales, la depresión... y un montón de temas importantes.
¿Por qué no tiene el 5? Porque me ha faltado un poco de profundización en algunos de esos temas, la verdad. Sí, se tocan, pero como que se han quedado muy superficiales en muchos aspectos.
Si vais buscando un libro donde a la protagonista le apasione el patinaje, no es lo que buscáis. Puede que haya mucho patinaje, pero no es de lo que se quiere hablar. Si buscáis un libro que os haga reflexionar, que sea rápido y que a parte, es una joyita visualmente, podéis darle una oportunidad.
Lo primero que tengo que destacar es el dibujo de la autora, me ha apasionado. Y sobretodo, los colores que utiliza.
Y bueno, hablemos de que es una autobiografía de la autora y que eso, a la hora de leerlo, lo hace aún mucho más duro, porque sabes que ella ha pasado por todo eso.
Sí, el tema principal es el patinaje sobre hielo (digamos mejor que es el eje de la historia, pero en sí no trata sobre patinaje...), pero no es lo único que la autora toca en este libro. Lo más importante son los otros temas, como el bullying, la homofobia, los abusos sexuales, la depresión... y un montón de temas importantes.
¿Por qué no tiene el 5? Porque me ha faltado un poco de profundización en algunos de esos temas, la verdad. Sí, se tocan, pero como que se han quedado muy superficiales en muchos aspectos.
Si vais buscando un libro donde a la protagonista le apasione el patinaje, no es lo que buscáis. Puede que haya mucho patinaje, pero no es de lo que se quiere hablar. Si buscáis un libro que os haga reflexionar, que sea rápido y que a parte, es una joyita visualmente, podéis darle una oportunidad.
February 18, 2018
Stunning. So stunning I added it as an extra book (#13!) to my booktalking lineup for local middle schools in 2018.
I can't believe how accomplished and mature this feels. It's a whole package. Gorgeous production, brilliant use of color, breathtaking composition...
AND THE STORY!
I (like many, at least when the Olympics are on) enjoy watching figure skating, but don't know much about it as a subculture. On the other hand, when I was growing up, I was a synchronized swimmer for many years, so I totally relate to a lot of the content here.
And the incidental sexual identity storytelling! Loved that it wasn't ABOUT that. Loved the subtlety of the emotion. I loved her reflection about the long aftermath of a brief traumatic incident .
Tillie Walden is the very definition of one to watch.
I can't believe how accomplished and mature this feels. It's a whole package. Gorgeous production, brilliant use of color, breathtaking composition...
AND THE STORY!
I (like many, at least when the Olympics are on) enjoy watching figure skating, but don't know much about it as a subculture. On the other hand, when I was growing up, I was a synchronized swimmer for many years, so I totally relate to a lot of the content here.
And the incidental sexual identity storytelling! Loved that it wasn't ABOUT that. Loved the subtlety of the emotion. I loved her reflection about the long aftermath of a brief traumatic incident .
Tillie Walden is the very definition of one to watch.
September 19, 2017
(3.5) I’m uncomfortable with the term “graphic memoir,” which to me connotes a memoir with graphically violent or sexual content. However, it seems to be accepted parlance nowadays for a graphic novel that’s autobiographical rather than fictional. Tillie Walden’s Spinning is in the same vein as Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home and Craig Thompson’s Blankets: a touching coming-of-age story delivered through the medium of comics.
Specifically, this is about the 12 years Walden spent in the competitive figure skating world. She grew up in New Jersey, and when the family moved to Austin, Texas the bullying she’d experienced in her previous school continued. Mornings started at 4 a.m. when she got up for individual skating lessons; after school she had synchronized skating practice at another rink.
These years were full of cello lessons, unrequited crushes and skating competitions she rode to with her friend Lindsay and Lindsay’s mother. The femininity of the skating world – the slicked-back buns and thick make-up; the way every girl was made to look the same – chafed with Walden because she’d known since age five that she was gay. All told, she was disillusioned with what once seemed like her whole life:
Every chapter is named after a different skating move: waltz jump, axel, camel spin, etc. Walden’s drawing style initially reminded me most of This One Summer by Jillian and Mariko Tamaki, which is also about teens finding their way in the world and shares the same mostly purple and gray coloring. Walden’s work is more sketch-like, and also includes yellow on certain pages. The last third or so of the book is the most momentous: between when Walden comes out at 15 and when she gives up skating at 17.
Believe it or not, Walden was born in 1996 and this is her fourth book. She’s already won two Ignatz Awards. I felt this book would have benefited from more hindsight: time to mull over her skating experience and figure out what it all meant. The Author’s Note at the end struck me as particularly shallow, like this project was about quick catharsis rather than considered reflection. However, the book’s scope (nearly 400 pages) is impressive, and Walden is adept at capturing the emotional milestones of her early life.
Originally published, with images, on my blog, Bookish Beck.
Specifically, this is about the 12 years Walden spent in the competitive figure skating world. She grew up in New Jersey, and when the family moved to Austin, Texas the bullying she’d experienced in her previous school continued. Mornings started at 4 a.m. when she got up for individual skating lessons; after school she had synchronized skating practice at another rink.
These years were full of cello lessons, unrequited crushes and skating competitions she rode to with her friend Lindsay and Lindsay’s mother. The femininity of the skating world – the slicked-back buns and thick make-up; the way every girl was made to look the same – chafed with Walden because she’d known since age five that she was gay. All told, she was disillusioned with what once seemed like her whole life:
Skating changed when I came to Texas. It wasn’t strict or beautiful or energizing any more. Now it just felt dull and exhausting. I couldn’t understand why I should keep skating after it lost all its shine.
Every chapter is named after a different skating move: waltz jump, axel, camel spin, etc. Walden’s drawing style initially reminded me most of This One Summer by Jillian and Mariko Tamaki, which is also about teens finding their way in the world and shares the same mostly purple and gray coloring. Walden’s work is more sketch-like, and also includes yellow on certain pages. The last third or so of the book is the most momentous: between when Walden comes out at 15 and when she gives up skating at 17.
Believe it or not, Walden was born in 1996 and this is her fourth book. She’s already won two Ignatz Awards. I felt this book would have benefited from more hindsight: time to mull over her skating experience and figure out what it all meant. The Author’s Note at the end struck me as particularly shallow, like this project was about quick catharsis rather than considered reflection. However, the book’s scope (nearly 400 pages) is impressive, and Walden is adept at capturing the emotional milestones of her early life.
Originally published, with images, on my blog, Bookish Beck.
first-second-publications
September 12, 2017Figure skating was Tillie Walden’s life. She woke before dawn for morning lessons, went straight to group practice after school, and spent weekends competing in glitter and tights. But as her interests evolve, from her growing passion for art to a first love realized with a new girlfriend, she begins to question how the close-minded world of figure skating fits in. Spinning is a poignant and captivating graphic memoir that captures what it's like to come of age, come out, and come to terms with leaving behind everything you used to know.
September 26, 2017
Incredibly beautiful.
June 29, 2019
I’m so impressed with this graphic memoir, especially because it was published when the author was 21, meaning it was written when she was even younger. It’s hard for most of us to even have partially processed our childhood and adolescence by that age, much less write a book about it!
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I think that’s why the first word that comes to mind after finishing it is “raw”. Walden’s wounds from her too-many years in competitive skating, the bullying she endured, the sexual assault, car crash and the reactions she faced when she came out were all still incredibly fresh when she was writing this. Which is why it makes such a fantastic YA story - because other adolescents have those same pains and they are just as or more raw given their age. Highly recommended for all libraries serving teens.
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I think that’s why the first word that comes to mind after finishing it is “raw”. Walden’s wounds from her too-many years in competitive skating, the bullying she endured, the sexual assault, car crash and the reactions she faced when she came out were all still incredibly fresh when she was writing this. Which is why it makes such a fantastic YA story - because other adolescents have those same pains and they are just as or more raw given their age. Highly recommended for all libraries serving teens.
May 21, 2020
Spinning is a memoir in graphic format about growing up and falling out of love with something that has been an integral part of your life. This is the story of how the author grew up with figure skating, but realized it was never really for her too late to disentangle herself from it easily. It talks about the weight of expectations, self-imposed and not; about the very present weights of homophobia and sexism and how they take a toll on young lesbians; there are some parts that are subtly about how sexism is entrenched in figure skating.
Throughout this book, there is a tired, lost atmosphere, and you can feel the exhaustion seeping through the pages - the repetitive nature of Tillie's life, the cold, the loneliness even when surrounded by people, the feeling of being forced to wake up early every morning. This is strengthened by the art style, with its vague and dreamlike nature, which I think works better for introspective contemporaries like this one than for a sci-fi like On a Sunbeam (which I didn't love). Despite all of this and its length, it's a really quick read; it took me less than a hour to get through.
Reading memoirs about real lgbtq+ people's experiences is always interesting to me because I can compare it to fictional portrayals, and see what is missing in them; specifically, I'm surprised that these things - which are all present in Spinning - aren't common in YA contemporary: stories about kids with absent parents that actually explore what it means to grow up ignored, especially when you're struggling with mental health; how most homophobic reactions to coming out are actually dismissive or awkward more than threatening; the confusion of growing up queer and not knowing whether you like or want to be like certain girls or want to be near them; unusual forms of self-harm.
And, unlike most fiction and like most of real life, it's a really open-ended, fragmented story; it has no answers or big, important, dramatic moments, but it feels real in a way fiction can never really be, and I appreciated it a lot for that.
I also want to point out that this needs content warnings for sexual assault from a teacher, homophobia from various people including siblings, bullying, and car accidents.
Throughout this book, there is a tired, lost atmosphere, and you can feel the exhaustion seeping through the pages - the repetitive nature of Tillie's life, the cold, the loneliness even when surrounded by people, the feeling of being forced to wake up early every morning. This is strengthened by the art style, with its vague and dreamlike nature, which I think works better for introspective contemporaries like this one than for a sci-fi like On a Sunbeam (which I didn't love). Despite all of this and its length, it's a really quick read; it took me less than a hour to get through.
Reading memoirs about real lgbtq+ people's experiences is always interesting to me because I can compare it to fictional portrayals, and see what is missing in them; specifically, I'm surprised that these things - which are all present in Spinning - aren't common in YA contemporary: stories about kids with absent parents that actually explore what it means to grow up ignored, especially when you're struggling with mental health; how most homophobic reactions to coming out are actually dismissive or awkward more than threatening; the confusion of growing up queer and not knowing whether you like or want to be like certain girls or want to be near them; unusual forms of self-harm.
And, unlike most fiction and like most of real life, it's a really open-ended, fragmented story; it has no answers or big, important, dramatic moments, but it feels real in a way fiction can never really be, and I appreciated it a lot for that.
I also want to point out that this needs content warnings for sexual assault from a teacher, homophobia from various people including siblings, bullying, and car accidents.
Read
April 27, 2023Content Warning: Homophobia, depression, neglect, SA
Spinning is raw. For a narrative largely told on ice, it has warmth and a beating heart. Author Tillie Walden reflects on the pivotal moments of her youth - her coming out, her first love, her family and friend dynamics, her mental health - all while her world revolved around competitive skating.
Walden's artwork is minimalist to great effect. Each panel is uncluttered with crisp linework, usually with just one or two elements as the focus. This simplicity works to punctuate the accompanying text, as do the sudden splashes of yellow across the white/blue/black color scheme to add intensity to critical moments.
My favorite illustrations were the glimpses of Walden's more stylized work, introduced after she recalled finding her place in high school art. Not only were they interesting contrasts to the book's realism, but they held narrative weight, speaking to her developing style.
As for Spinning's writing, I do think it would've benefitted from more narrative structure, especially as Tillie's story has a natural arc (culminating with her decision to quit skating). As it is, it's told in a sort of stream of consciousness. Some events are brought up and never concluded - most glaringly being Tillie's inability to jump after a near-car accident; the story time jumps to when she can again - and others are just presented without further comment - like her teacher giving her a book at middle school graduation. We don't see what book it is, nor are we told if it held any particular importance to her, and it nor the teacher is brought up again.
I respect that this is a memoir, and I don't doubt the legitimacy of anything in here. I just think it could've been edited to give it a sharper focus. Walden wrote this very young, only having been 21/22 at the time of publishing in 2017. I'm not sure she was far enough removed from her teenagedom to have the perspective on those years that comes with age. It's easier when you're older to parse what memories to include and what not to.
These considerations aside, Spinning is a worthwhile and beautiful read. Walden was most gracious in sharing it with us.
Spinning is raw. For a narrative largely told on ice, it has warmth and a beating heart. Author Tillie Walden reflects on the pivotal moments of her youth - her coming out, her first love, her family and friend dynamics, her mental health - all while her world revolved around competitive skating.
Walden's artwork is minimalist to great effect. Each panel is uncluttered with crisp linework, usually with just one or two elements as the focus. This simplicity works to punctuate the accompanying text, as do the sudden splashes of yellow across the white/blue/black color scheme to add intensity to critical moments.
My favorite illustrations were the glimpses of Walden's more stylized work, introduced after she recalled finding her place in high school art. Not only were they interesting contrasts to the book's realism, but they held narrative weight, speaking to her developing style.
As for Spinning's writing, I do think it would've benefitted from more narrative structure, especially as Tillie's story has a natural arc (culminating with her decision to quit skating). As it is, it's told in a sort of stream of consciousness. Some events are brought up and never concluded - most glaringly being Tillie's inability to jump after a near-car accident; the story time jumps to when she can again - and others are just presented without further comment - like her teacher giving her a book at middle school graduation. We don't see what book it is, nor are we told if it held any particular importance to her, and it nor the teacher is brought up again.
I respect that this is a memoir, and I don't doubt the legitimacy of anything in here. I just think it could've been edited to give it a sharper focus. Walden wrote this very young, only having been 21/22 at the time of publishing in 2017. I'm not sure she was far enough removed from her teenagedom to have the perspective on those years that comes with age. It's easier when you're older to parse what memories to include and what not to.
These considerations aside, Spinning is a worthwhile and beautiful read. Walden was most gracious in sharing it with us.
February 19, 2023
Reread 2023: Giving this five-stars on my second reading. It's not a flawless work, but it's beautiful, emotional and remarkably assured.
From 2017: Using her beautiful two-tone style, Tillie Walden writes about her childhood as a competitive ice-skater, and her struggle with being gay in a hostile world. I picked this up meaning to read a few pages, and consumed it all in one night: it is as compelling as it is delicate.
I've considered myself to be in the youngest generation of queer people for some time now, but Walden is almost ten years younger than me, and her perspective is subtly different from my own. She had a lot more information available than I did, in the form of YouTube videos, novels and other social media. But it's also sad for me to realise that Walden faced a huge amount of homophobia from everyone around her, and things have not improved all that much. Like me, Walden realised she was gay when very young and struggled with listening to adults and classmates discuss how much they hated or distrusted gay people. However, Walden captures the confusing, powerful moment of realising you are gay when you are very young beautifully, as well as the joy and fear of having a gay relationship when you are a teenager.
The other important strand in this book is Walden's life as an ice-skater. We don't have a tradition of ice-skating in Ireland, and competitive sports for young people are not practiced on such a huge scale, so it's a totally alien world for me. Walden is a committed athlete, rising at 4am every day to practice, and competing in many different skating events. At first the discipline and commitment of the skating world brings her relief from the stress of school and the isolation she feels within her family, but as time goes on she becomes more and more disenchanted with the grueling discipline, pressure to conform, and the uncomfortable and revealing clothes. However, she's afraid to leave, as her world revolves around skating, and she defines herself through her sport.
The world and language of skating fills this book, but there's a universality to this story. Walden is writing about the journey towards self-discovery that we all take, and the pain of trying to conform to expectations. Some aspects of this book feel incomplete -- Walden's relationship with her family isn't explored in depth, but the isolation and lack of affection she feels are clearly fundamental to this story -- but it is beautiful, absolutely gripping, and feels emotionally genuine throughout. It's really impressive work.
From 2017: Using her beautiful two-tone style, Tillie Walden writes about her childhood as a competitive ice-skater, and her struggle with being gay in a hostile world. I picked this up meaning to read a few pages, and consumed it all in one night: it is as compelling as it is delicate.
I've considered myself to be in the youngest generation of queer people for some time now, but Walden is almost ten years younger than me, and her perspective is subtly different from my own. She had a lot more information available than I did, in the form of YouTube videos, novels and other social media. But it's also sad for me to realise that Walden faced a huge amount of homophobia from everyone around her, and things have not improved all that much. Like me, Walden realised she was gay when very young and struggled with listening to adults and classmates discuss how much they hated or distrusted gay people. However, Walden captures the confusing, powerful moment of realising you are gay when you are very young beautifully, as well as the joy and fear of having a gay relationship when you are a teenager.
The other important strand in this book is Walden's life as an ice-skater. We don't have a tradition of ice-skating in Ireland, and competitive sports for young people are not practiced on such a huge scale, so it's a totally alien world for me. Walden is a committed athlete, rising at 4am every day to practice, and competing in many different skating events. At first the discipline and commitment of the skating world brings her relief from the stress of school and the isolation she feels within her family, but as time goes on she becomes more and more disenchanted with the grueling discipline, pressure to conform, and the uncomfortable and revealing clothes. However, she's afraid to leave, as her world revolves around skating, and she defines herself through her sport.
The world and language of skating fills this book, but there's a universality to this story. Walden is writing about the journey towards self-discovery that we all take, and the pain of trying to conform to expectations. Some aspects of this book feel incomplete -- Walden's relationship with her family isn't explored in depth, but the isolation and lack of affection she feels are clearly fundamental to this story -- but it is beautiful, absolutely gripping, and feels emotionally genuine throughout. It's really impressive work.
July 22, 2017
A copy was provided by the publisher through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
This graphic novel was anything BUT what I expected it to be. I expected something lighthearted and full of fluff but it’s definitely no that.
Spinning tells the story of a young girl named Tillie who has been figure skating since she was little. Her story is one filled with loneliness even when surrounded by dozens of girls, which is kind of the lesbian experience when one is very young. She’s not the most likeable character around but that’s why I felt so connected to her. She’s an outsider trying to fit into a world that doesn’t fit her. Being a gay and being deeply closeted since a very young age is something a lot of us in the LGBTQAIP+ community go through. I feel like this graphic novels captures that loneliness and pain wonderfully. The fear, the exhaustion, the rejection, the small glimpses of kindness; it captures each and every one of them.
The color scheme projects this melancholy and this sense of longing splendidly. It’s not the most expressive art I’ve ever encountered but I think that was sort of the point. It deals with bullying, PTSD and depression at a young age; topics that are rarely spoken about when dealing with young kids especially young queer kids.
The story does drag on quite a bit since we see Tillie growing up from middle school to high school. It’s not a thrilling adventure at all but more like a gentle glide into adolescence. I feel like this makes it stand out more than you would think. Most middle grade and YA books describe adolescence as this big hit moment of your life where every change is instantaneous and impactful. Spinning takes that out of the equation and gets more real; adolescence is just another part of everyday life. The pacing allows you to grow with the MC slowly but surely; making you empathize with her in almost every panel.
It’s a story I hope parents won’t feel afraid of buying for their kids because these stories matter now more than ever.
This graphic novel was anything BUT what I expected it to be. I expected something lighthearted and full of fluff but it’s definitely no that.
Spinning tells the story of a young girl named Tillie who has been figure skating since she was little. Her story is one filled with loneliness even when surrounded by dozens of girls, which is kind of the lesbian experience when one is very young. She’s not the most likeable character around but that’s why I felt so connected to her. She’s an outsider trying to fit into a world that doesn’t fit her. Being a gay and being deeply closeted since a very young age is something a lot of us in the LGBTQAIP+ community go through. I feel like this graphic novels captures that loneliness and pain wonderfully. The fear, the exhaustion, the rejection, the small glimpses of kindness; it captures each and every one of them.
The color scheme projects this melancholy and this sense of longing splendidly. It’s not the most expressive art I’ve ever encountered but I think that was sort of the point. It deals with bullying, PTSD and depression at a young age; topics that are rarely spoken about when dealing with young kids especially young queer kids.
The story does drag on quite a bit since we see Tillie growing up from middle school to high school. It’s not a thrilling adventure at all but more like a gentle glide into adolescence. I feel like this makes it stand out more than you would think. Most middle grade and YA books describe adolescence as this big hit moment of your life where every change is instantaneous and impactful. Spinning takes that out of the equation and gets more real; adolescence is just another part of everyday life. The pacing allows you to grow with the MC slowly but surely; making you empathize with her in almost every panel.
It’s a story I hope parents won’t feel afraid of buying for their kids because these stories matter now more than ever.
April 3, 2018
This graphic memoir deals with coming out, growing up, and the fact that after ten years of hard work at being a competitive figure skater, the author realized that she didn't love skating all that much after all.
Figure skating is my fave Winter Olympics sport, and I tend to enjoy sports themed stories, so there is much about this book that I liked. The art wonderfully evokes the feel of the themes discussed, and I enjoyed all the skating stuff. This is targeted at a young adult audience, and that might be my biggest issue with it. It doesn't dive deep enough into any of the themes. We stay fairly close to the surface of this life, and I wanted more. What, for example, was going on with her mother? There isn't much introspection and analysis of the themes touched upon, and while I understand the author is very young, it was all show, and no tell. This happened. Then this. Yes, but how did you feel? What did you think? That's what I wanted more of. Still, I enjoyed enough of what was on the page that I'd read another book by this clearly talented artist/writer. Dive deeper Ms. Walden.
Figure skating is my fave Winter Olympics sport, and I tend to enjoy sports themed stories, so there is much about this book that I liked. The art wonderfully evokes the feel of the themes discussed, and I enjoyed all the skating stuff. This is targeted at a young adult audience, and that might be my biggest issue with it. It doesn't dive deep enough into any of the themes. We stay fairly close to the surface of this life, and I wanted more. What, for example, was going on with her mother? There isn't much introspection and analysis of the themes touched upon, and while I understand the author is very young, it was all show, and no tell. This happened. Then this. Yes, but how did you feel? What did you think? That's what I wanted more of. Still, I enjoyed enough of what was on the page that I'd read another book by this clearly talented artist/writer. Dive deeper Ms. Walden.
July 31, 2019
yes i cried but i’m such a baby when it comes to books and coming out stories that in the end literally who tf is surprised at my sobbing? no one.
November 8, 2017
The art is gorgeous and I am impressed that the author is as young as my little brother - 21! This book had an interesting mix of subject matter (lesbian author, competitive ice skating) and had a melancholy, mellow mood which I enjoy. I felt like a lot of it was surface-level though and even the really monumental life experiences are rarely explored with much detail. I like my graphic memoirs with a little more introspection.
April 16, 2018
I got this graphic novel as part of Comix Experience's graphic novel of the month club, and it's become my favorite thing they've given me lately. Just gorgeous art and a really captivating portrayal of what it's like to be young and super invested in an activity that you're not even sure you enjoy. Wonderful coming-of-age story about a queer teen. A friend asked me to recommend comics by women for a teenage girl and this was my top recommendation.
January 14, 2020
Uma graphic novel autobiográfica sobre como a patinação no gelo fez parte (durante muitos anos) da vida da autora.
Além de compartilhar a sua vida como atleta, ela também acrescentou na narrativa outros momentos como seu primeiro relacionamento com uma garota, sair do armário, assédio, bullying, inseguranças...
Gostei muito e já quero ler as outras obras da Tillie Walden.
ps: as cores são maravilhosas!
Além de compartilhar a sua vida como atleta, ela também acrescentou na narrativa outros momentos como seu primeiro relacionamento com uma garota, sair do armário, assédio, bullying, inseguranças...
Gostei muito e já quero ler as outras obras da Tillie Walden.
ps: as cores são maravilhosas!
April 21, 2018
"I was a competitive figure and synchronized skater for twelve years."
These are the words that open up the book, set in a white rectangular text box (used for narration) amidst a deep purplish blue background, the wall of a building, most likely an interior wall, but in this stunning two-tone opening page (three? white, yellow, purple-blue), the windows have a mirrorish quality so that it looks like Tillie (the Tillie who is the narrator and protagonist of this memoir) could be walking in or out of a building.
Tillie lets us know from the start, with her posture and her narration, that skating is something she feels, at best, deeply ambivalent about. She kind of slouches through much of the book and there's a feeling of gloom always hovering around her. She says on the second page-- "[As] much as it makes me cringe, an ice rink will always be a familiar place." That just about says it all. Skating makes her cringe. But she's going to talk about skating. Because though it is no longer something she cares much about, it is something that she engaged in for unnumbered hours, and, in a way, clung to (with a very loose grip, but one that couldn't let go?) for many years.
This book begins in New Jersey, in a skating environment that was not too friendly and pretty harsh. Tough, overly-strict coaches. Unfriendly kids. And very soon after this opening, Tillie gets the news. Her family is moving to Austin, Texas. Walden details her pre-teen and teen years in Texas during much if not all of her time is spent merely going through the motions, as a skater, in friendships, as a family member. It seems she's pretty consistently emotionally checked out. In her early teens, she finally finds love with a classmate named Rae. and is able to open up to her a bit. But soon her girlfriend's mother finds their emails and forbids Rae from seeing Tillie anymore.
I like that she doesn't struggle with her queerness in the sense that she doesn't fight it or question herself. She says she's known since she was five, and just seemed to be biding her time until she was sixteen. She'd decided at some point, "I'll come out when I'm sixteen." "Biding My Time" might have been a better title for this book. Because it's kind of all about the ways Walden tries to pass the time and just get through the days, the years, until she can live a life that is more fulfilling to her. Free of her neglectful parents, and of the unpleasant school and skating environments she has to suffer, day in and day out. She hasn't found the communities yet that will allow her to be herself and thrive.
Walden longs to get away from so many things about competitive skating--the rules and expectations around dress, the stressful competitiveness, and the fact that she simply doesn't care about it that much. Maybe she did at some point. But by the time we meet her, more than anything, it seems like a way to, as I said before, pass the time, get away from her deeply unpleasant mother (though eek there are other skating mothers who are also fairytale ogres in the way they behave, and they seem to hang around in packs waiting to harass children who don't fit in with their "cookie cutter" ideas of what a skating kid and her family should look like.)
I'm glad I read the book, and glad it exists. I think it might have been more engaging to me if it weren't a huge book about why she doesn't want to skate anymore and how she did it for years even though she didn't enjoy it. Something about the organization and the level of emotional distance and ennui left me wondering, why is she telling us so many details about something that doesn't intrigue her. But, maybe though skating doesn't intrigue her, the fact that she did it for so long despite not wanting to do it intrigues her? So maybe that is what it is that is meant to be drawing the reader in? I didn't find the chapter openings (all the skating moves) compelling. Maybe because I know Tillie doesn't want to be skating. It's a nice idea, but in practice, as the book was all about not wanting to be skating but doing it anyway, it just kind of seemed strange to open up the chapters with skating moves and expecting the reader to be interested.
I think what I care'd most about in this book were Tillie's relationships. Particularly with Rae. I cared about her other relationships, with her skating coach and her best skating buddy and her mom, but since Walden didn't seem to care overly about these relationships, I was left feeling a little confused or frustrated in the end. She has a nice relationship with her cello teacher, and that was refreshing. Another relationship I would have liked to see more of.
I think this is closer to a three star rating for me, but I really liked the art, and I'm glad there is another graphic memoir out there by a queer writer. And I could relate to way she was "going through the motions" (I did quite a lot of it myself at a similar time in my life) even if I didn't find it so compelling over the course of a 400 page book.
These are the words that open up the book, set in a white rectangular text box (used for narration) amidst a deep purplish blue background, the wall of a building, most likely an interior wall, but in this stunning two-tone opening page (three? white, yellow, purple-blue), the windows have a mirrorish quality so that it looks like Tillie (the Tillie who is the narrator and protagonist of this memoir) could be walking in or out of a building.
Tillie lets us know from the start, with her posture and her narration, that skating is something she feels, at best, deeply ambivalent about. She kind of slouches through much of the book and there's a feeling of gloom always hovering around her. She says on the second page-- "[As] much as it makes me cringe, an ice rink will always be a familiar place." That just about says it all. Skating makes her cringe. But she's going to talk about skating. Because though it is no longer something she cares much about, it is something that she engaged in for unnumbered hours, and, in a way, clung to (with a very loose grip, but one that couldn't let go?) for many years.
This book begins in New Jersey, in a skating environment that was not too friendly and pretty harsh. Tough, overly-strict coaches. Unfriendly kids. And very soon after this opening, Tillie gets the news. Her family is moving to Austin, Texas. Walden details her pre-teen and teen years in Texas during much if not all of her time is spent merely going through the motions, as a skater, in friendships, as a family member. It seems she's pretty consistently emotionally checked out. In her early teens, she finally finds love with a classmate named Rae. and is able to open up to her a bit. But soon her girlfriend's mother finds their emails and forbids Rae from seeing Tillie anymore.
I like that she doesn't struggle with her queerness in the sense that she doesn't fight it or question herself. She says she's known since she was five, and just seemed to be biding her time until she was sixteen. She'd decided at some point, "I'll come out when I'm sixteen." "Biding My Time" might have been a better title for this book. Because it's kind of all about the ways Walden tries to pass the time and just get through the days, the years, until she can live a life that is more fulfilling to her. Free of her neglectful parents, and of the unpleasant school and skating environments she has to suffer, day in and day out. She hasn't found the communities yet that will allow her to be herself and thrive.
Walden longs to get away from so many things about competitive skating--the rules and expectations around dress, the stressful competitiveness, and the fact that she simply doesn't care about it that much. Maybe she did at some point. But by the time we meet her, more than anything, it seems like a way to, as I said before, pass the time, get away from her deeply unpleasant mother (though eek there are other skating mothers who are also fairytale ogres in the way they behave, and they seem to hang around in packs waiting to harass children who don't fit in with their "cookie cutter" ideas of what a skating kid and her family should look like.)
I'm glad I read the book, and glad it exists. I think it might have been more engaging to me if it weren't a huge book about why she doesn't want to skate anymore and how she did it for years even though she didn't enjoy it. Something about the organization and the level of emotional distance and ennui left me wondering, why is she telling us so many details about something that doesn't intrigue her. But, maybe though skating doesn't intrigue her, the fact that she did it for so long despite not wanting to do it intrigues her? So maybe that is what it is that is meant to be drawing the reader in? I didn't find the chapter openings (all the skating moves) compelling. Maybe because I know Tillie doesn't want to be skating. It's a nice idea, but in practice, as the book was all about not wanting to be skating but doing it anyway, it just kind of seemed strange to open up the chapters with skating moves and expecting the reader to be interested.
I think what I care'd most about in this book were Tillie's relationships. Particularly with Rae. I cared about her other relationships, with her skating coach and her best skating buddy and her mom, but since Walden didn't seem to care overly about these relationships, I was left feeling a little confused or frustrated in the end. She has a nice relationship with her cello teacher, and that was refreshing. Another relationship I would have liked to see more of.
I think this is closer to a three star rating for me, but I really liked the art, and I'm glad there is another graphic memoir out there by a queer writer. And I could relate to way she was "going through the motions" (I did quite a lot of it myself at a similar time in my life) even if I didn't find it so compelling over the course of a 400 page book.
October 15, 2020
I found the art quite attractive in its simple, almost minimalist style. I found the story to be quite effectively told though it did lose some momentum in the middle and meander around a bit as it seemed to introduce more elements than the creator could really deal with between two covers, which is strange to say as it is a very thick and heavy graphic novel. Despite the outward appearance of the physical book it reads quite quickly as Walden uses a decompressed storytelling technique, with most pages laid out in a six-panel grid and many having of only one or three panels. And her story is compelling; I found myself going to sleep much later than intended last night so I could finish.
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