12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids

by Michele Borba

Best-selling parenting guru Michele Borba, the mother of three, has surveyed 5,000 mothers for their experience and wisdom in raising happier, more confident kids by returning to a more natural, authentic kind of mothering. She shares 12 top secrets of successful moms culled from her research and shows how to apply them to your family. You’ll learn how to…

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Dr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist and an author.

Reviews

[BB · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I learned from this book:
1. A mother who loves teaches self-worth.
2. A mother who is firm & fair gives her kids a moral code to live by.
3. A mother who listens shows her children they matter.
4. A mother who is a good role-model gives her children an example worth copying.
5. A mother who teaches values inspires character.
6. A mother who supports her kids strengths builds their confidence.
7. A mother who encourages independence cultivates self-reliance.
8. A mother who applauds effort nurtures perserverance.
9. A mother who accepts her kids shortcomings nutures resilience.
10. A mother who takes time for her kids helps them build strong relationships.
11. A mother who laughs teaches joy.
12. A mother who takes care of herself holds together her happy family.

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." Dr. Benjamin Spock

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book on a computer, so that was new to me. There are many good things about this book, and each of the 12 simple secrets could be something I pick this book back up to read again. The best thing about this book to me is that it is not a "how to" guide, but it is inspiring with just enough instruction to get you going in the right direction. These are the author's words at the end of the book, which I much appreciated:

"I hope this is the last parenting book you'll ever read for a long time. The reason is that you already know how to be a real mom. There is nothing in this book that is new. Everything I've included here is based on solid parenting principles that have been around for decades but are all too often forgotten. What I've tried to do is simply remind us all of the basics—what's always been natural, instinctive, and intuitive for real mothering.

Unfortunately, these core secrets of real mothering have been obliterated by the frenzy and mania of commercialized parenting. But now it's time to get back, get real, and restore the simple truth about mothering: that its foundation is the powerful and unconditional love and connection that ultimately lasts for always.

So trust yourself and those maternal instincts. No one knows your child better than you."

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Her main point really is... we know this already. We just need to practice living it more. And that is how I felt when I read it. 'Important, but nothing new here.' I wrote down the key points for each 'secret', but I had a hard time relating to very many of the examples since so many of them were about the over-scheduled, over-pressured kid. I think that speaks to how pervasive that issue really is. I think I will work on two of the 'secrets' that my family most needs to focus on. There are other little things from most of the chapters I think I should do, too, but just as tips, not as a focal points! Overall, this book is a good reminder of some important things, but just an okay book.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't think anything in this book is particulary new. It's a lot of common sense, but sometimes we need helpful reminders to be more thoughtful and mindful about what we do with our children and how we interact with them. There are some good points here, but there were some places that really turned me off. The comparison and idealization of June Cleaver as the best mom ruffled my feathers a bit. I also don't do well when people try to use scare tactics to change my behavior. There were one too many of these. Also, the first part of the book was extremely repetitive. Still, I do take many of the simple secrets to heart.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It focuses on what kids really need, versus what parents think they need in the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. I also appreciated that the book emphasized that part of being a good mom is taking care of your own needs, too.

This book had good tips, practical advice, and interesting anecdotes for raising happy kids with healthy self esteem.

This book reaffirms that a good mom doesn't need to enroll her kid in umpteen activities or devote every second to the kid, that doing so is in fact can lead to unappreciative little narcissists.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book validates everything I feel as a mother. It teaches how to simplify the relationship with your children, how to truly listen, and much more. I want to read this again and again, just to remind me of the basics of good mothering. Inspiring, easy-to-read, and beautiful. Great real-life anecdotes. It even includes *worksheets* to help you apply the principles it teaches in your own parenting.

[Whitney · Rating 4 out of 5]

More then anything else, I love the reminders this book gives of what motherhood is really about and to not worry about the expectations we impose on it. Helps me remember to take joy in being a mom and forget about the benchmarks I may try to set for myself or my kids. A few of the examples/case studies used were pretty dramatic or extreme, but on the whole, I found it a good reminder to be a real mom.

[emigrazia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't get through this book because I found myself disagreeing with the author about nearly everything. I partially agreed with her reaction to over-scheduled kids who never sit down at the table, and that being rushed all the time is bad. However when she offered up June Cleaver as the ideal mother, she lost me. Despite this grandmother's admission that times have changed since those days, I still found her very out of touch. Will not make time to finish this book.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just like every parenting book, there are things I don't necessarily agree with, but overall, I thought this book had great ideas. It's main idea is that too many moms have pushed their kids into a fast-paced, materialistic life and call it motherhood. It has some great ideas on how to spend more meaningful time with your kids and on how to truly get to know them.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I skimmed this when my son was a baby. Now that he is older I need to re-read it. I thought it had great examples. It made me think about what is REALLY important and how that I will teach that to my children.

[Tawni · Rating 2 out of 5]

I admit I only made it through the first couple chapters. It was a good book, but I am not sure if it was due to pregnancy or busy season but I felt so guilty from it I even cried one night :) So I quit reading it, but it was pretty good.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's nice to be reminded about some simple things you should be doing as a Mom so that when your kids go running to their father when he comes walking through the door like they are being raised by a crazy lady you can actually confirm that they are:)

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked the message of this book. It has a lot of lists of things, but if you take them one at a time they shouldn't be overwhelming.

[Tessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave some basic, down to earth parenting advice. It made me feel a lot better about not being "the perfect mom"

[Laurie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helps filter out all the fluff of parenting and reminds me that the most important things are the values and love we exhibit to our kids.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good, although nothing I don't already know.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing I didn't already know, but it's nice to be reminded every once in a while.

[Michelle Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Wish I didn't have to take it back to the library ! Would love to re-read it at a later date when my kids are older. Great insight and ideas for parents with kids of all ages.

[Tiffany Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book didn't teach me anything I didn't know, but it did remind me of things that I could be doing a little better.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a pleasant surprise, it really is 12 simple secrets but each is presented very thoughtfully.

[Rebekah Sheppard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent direction on how to focus on your child(ren) and filter out what may be good, but the not best, for them and you.

[Jesica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Has a lot of great insights.

[Audrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book for reminding us mothers how to keep our priorities straight.