The Impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom

by Kirk St Moritz

Elliott Rose is having a bad day. After being fired from his job as the clandestine stooge on hit TV show Ghostbusters UK, Elliott returns home to find his girlfriend missing. To make matters worse, Hapkido Valentine, the legendary 1980s wrestler, has returned from the dead and taken up residency in Elliott’s flat. Despite a voracious appetite for sausage sandwiches, Hapkido is convinced he has finally become the mystical Japanese warrior he once portrayed in the ring.
Together they must undertake a dangerous journey to find out why the Universe created this most unlikely of partnerships. All that stands in their way is a medallion wearing TV psychic, a train-spotting assassin and the murderous intentions of the local over 75’s women’s group. If Elliott thought the day started badly, things are about to get a whole lot worse.

Genres: Fiction, Humor

218 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 30, 2017

Reviews

[Fiona Hewlett-parker · Rating 3 out of 5]

The impending sausage sandwich of doom - Kirk St Moritz

Let me start by saying this is a very funny book, with a winding and bizarre plot, which it will be well worth your time to read.

I read, and loved, Kirk St. Moritz's first book, and wrote a short review on Goodreads. He saw the review and offered me an electronic copy of his new novel in exchange for an honest review. So here goes....

If you love 1980's British wrestling, fake mediums and a plot that rapidly escalates out of control, then you will love this book! The story centre's around Elliot Love, who is employed as a "behind the scenes, let's make them think there's a ghost around" person on a U.K. Ghost hunting programme which is as fake as they come. The stars fronting the show are Carole, a sex obsessed Z lister, and Jeremy a stage psychic who truly believes that he could communicate with the "other side" if the circumstances were right. When Elliot is surprised in the basement of an old house by a real ghost (or inter dimensional time traveler) and forgets to 'fake one' for the show things to start to go spectacularly wrong...I won't give anything away, but the plot is completely unbelievable, totally funny and riveting all at the same time.... just remember: Train-spotting is not a good hobby for a would be assassin; if you get an Austin Maestro choose a Vandan Plas; and the more mature ladies are likely to be dangerous (as is Monopoly, but we knew that didn't we).

Looking forward to the next book Kirk!

[Justin Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite having the author's first book The Day Jesus Rode Into Croydon on my kindle, this is the first book that I have read by him. Due to how much I enjoyed this book I look forward to reading his first one.

This is a book that I would have liked to write and who knows could have done (if I was a writer) considering the author was born in the same year as me and was probably sat watching the same 80s television programmes that I was.

The story moves along at a quick pace and is an entertaining read, The Great Hapkido is a well thought-up character, with traits of Timothy Claypole (Rentaghost). The conversations between him and the main character Elliot were often laugh out loud funny and I very rarely have laughed as much at a book.

If I had to draw comparisons to authors his writing reminded me of early Christopher Brookmyre or Carl Hiassen, with a touch of the aforementioned 80s classic Rentaghost added in for good measure.

4.5 stars if that's allowed.

[Paul Canady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kirk St. Moritz pens another awesome tale. One of the highest compliments I can pay him is that this is not an attempt to formulate the plot line of his first book. The characters are each their own person, and the story take multiple twists. This is a great tale of how the little guy comes out ahead with a some help from an unexpected source. Even when you know or suspect a twist is coming in this book, it doesn't go where you think it will. (Especially the parts at the end!) Add in some not-so-subtle humor, and you have a great summer read.

This is a story I will come back to again! Look forward to the next one!

[Angela Wintrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious!

I cannot remember laughing so hard! Well written, and the style reminded me somewhat of Douglas Adams. Would recommend it to anyone wanting a fun read.

[Marg Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a wonderful romp from start to finish. Don't try and make it believable, just buckle up and go along for the ride.
I'm not going to try and summarise the story, because, quite frankly, it is too complex and I wouldn't ruin it for anyone with spoilers.
Can I say though his way with words is very reminiscent of not just Rankin and Douglas Adams but the comic build up is very Terry Pratchett like: to wit this description of a group of old age pensioners: "Those already present had a combined age to rival the birth of the Universe and some may have even been there to witness it. A constant nattering emanating from the various groups, no doubt discussing how stamps had been much cheaper when the first stars were forming" Laughing as I write it.
The story flows effortlessly, you have romance, you have broken romances, you have foxy seniors, you have murder and demonic possession. A bit of something to interest everyone. Not to mention sausage sandwiches.
The only thing he didn't quite finish off though: did he ever send someone to rescue the monopoly players?

[Markus Manhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was skeptical in the beginning, when I read, Kirk St Moritz could be compared with Tom Holt, whose books I love to read. I have to admit, the book is written in a similar style, but it’s not just more of the same. It’s a style of its own and the similarities I found are rather the dark British humour they share, the setup of the stories background (sub-genre) and the excellent developed story. The characters are designed outstandingly and become alive while reading ahead. So compare him with Tom Holt or Douglas Adams? You may do so, but it’s completely unnecessary, because Kirk St Moritz is a great, self-contained writer who doesn’t need to be compared.
The book was not always easy reading for me (English is not my mother tongue, so I partially lack in the rich vocabulary the author is using), but always very entertaining and very rewarding. There are hilarious passages following cheerful ideas and I really enjoyed this book. I can fully recommend it - it’s not only worth reading, it makes reading a better time.

[Rabid Readers Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gordon Cole aka Hapkito would tell you that calling The impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom a paranormal novel would be an incorrect description. He would likely describe the work as a tale of the quest to the next level of reality. When Hapkito steps on the scene appearing to Elliot, he understands that he has achieved the enlightenment to which his wrestling character aspired and has somehow traveled in time. Gordon is a not so rain-man-like Serge Storms to Elliot's less drug impacted Coleman and the duo is just a lot of fun to read.

When I reviewed St. Mortitz's first book, The Day Jesus Rode into Croyden, I suggested that it might not be a book one's 66 year old father would enjoy. The impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom is a different proposition. I think my now 71 year old father will find it hilarious. Also, this reader can attest to the fact that both books are excellent to read when sick as, coincidentally, I had vicious colds while reading both and was wracked with wheezy laughter. If you're enjoying the holiday weekend and want a fun read, pick The impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom up today.

[Kalynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author was kind enough to send me copy of this book.

I really enjoyed this book, it was so fun to read. For a start I was taken back to childhood as I recall my cousin being into wrestling and watching it on tv when we visited and seeing the theatre of it all. Aside from the trip down memory lane to the 80s I loved the twists and turns of Elliott’s story it was an amusing tale not quite going where you expected. The title was perfect to hook me to read it, it’s the kind of banter we have in our house. I have seen the author has another story and I will definitely be checking it out.

[Tracie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book by this author that I have read and won't be the last. His writing style is easy to read and he is funny in a way that reminds me of Robert Rankin. A very enjoyable read 😊

[Nitin Jha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the first book by Kirk and was quite excited to receive this book from him. I must say that his writing style resonates with my style of thinking and I therefore enjoy his writing. This book is funny, innovative, and keeps you interested throughout. I found the pace a little too fast for my liking, but I think it was the plot that needed that kind of a tempo.
Over all, another hilarious and supremely innovative work of fiction by Kirk, which is bound to keep you hooked.

[Jordan Vidra · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom as a title is a mouthful in the literal and metaphorical sense. The story is an easy to follow, easily read story of overcoming inter-dimensional adversity. Mr. St Moritz does a great job of keeping the spirit of fantasy/sci-fi writing alive. There are similarities in context of Tom Holt, fantasy author, in a story that as bizarre as it is, does a great job of keeping the attention of the reader with well developing main characters and a storyline that is fun, light and hard to put down. The main character, Elliott, is the kind you root for and you would definitely sit in his corner of the ring!

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is not often that I find a book that makes me laugh out loud, but this one did. While it was a little slow to start, eventually I kept trying to find excuses to get back to the book. The plot twists and surprises kept me in for the long haul.

One last thing...haha Jeremy!

[James Nicholls · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked up this book as I heard it’s similar to Robert Rankin who is one of my favourite authors, and it is! Similar sort of premise but a different sort of writing style so definitely adds something new, not as many running jokes and daft puns as Rankin though. Funny and silly in just the right places, but maybe not as zany as the title sounds, in fact sausage sandwiches are just an side to the main story. Didn’t ever expect to read a book featuring 1980’s British wrestlers to be honest but always keen to read new things. I was a little bit to young to know about wrestling in the 80’s so maybe someone in their late 30’s-early 40’s would get a few more of the references, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying it at all

Great read, will definitely read his other book!

[Amy Feldman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. I’m a huge fan of Robert Rankin, Christopher Moore, Mark Cain, and old Terry Pratchett. Kirk St. Moritz has a similar writing style. The story is engaging and fun, with characters that are very well created. You know how when a story is really well written, you can see it all in your head? This is that kind of book. It felt like I was reading about friends. I started the book during a flight to Las Vegas, and found myself sneaking out of the conference and back up to my room to finish. Might be a first in the history of Vegas. Please please please bring Elliott and Gordon back for more adventures! We will all be waiting.

[Lu Sargeant · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn’t ordinarily the sort of book I’d read but as the author approached me for a review and he had been compared to Douglas Adams who I’ve read a few things by lately I thought I’d branch out and try something new and it paid off. This was a really fun, light book to read and quite a page turner!

I won’t spoil too much but I enjoyed the quirky characters and bizarre situations they found themselves in. It was a great little pick me up during the dreary winter months.

If you’re looking for a bit of light relief I’d highly recommend this book :)

[George · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny, original and definitely worth a look.

Enjoyed it enough that I read it in next to no time.

Hopeful of a return to the characters as I enjoyed the time spent with them.

[Míriam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. It was the first book I read by Kirk St Moritz and I didn't know anything about the author or the book previously to reading it. I will not go into much detail about the story so not to ruin it to anybody. But the two main characters, Hapkido Valentine and Elliot Rose, are awesome together. Also the story is filled with plot twists you can't predict. It's a very entertaining and addictive reading, I finish the book in 3 days. Looking forward to read more from Kirk St Moritz!!!!

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given a copy of this book by the author, for which I am very grateful as I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Others on here have already given a review of the plot so I won't do the same. This book is a quick, easy, enjoyable read with echoes of Arthur Dent - ordinary guy in extraordinary circumstances. One thing I particularly liked is that the author doesn't get bogged down in trying to explain the more supernatural goings-on, they are just accepted as normality, and in this way the story can move along at a good pace.

I got my husband to start reading this and he is already chuckling away at it with me asking him which bit he's laughing at. It has a good sense of humour and doesn't take itself too seriously. The cultural references are of my era and even though I am not at all a fan of wrestling, somehow I was still drawn in to the story.

If you want a quick, entertaining read, I would recommend this book.

[Noémie · Rating 5 out of 5]

*This is a review in exchange for a free copy of the ebook - however my review is attempting to be unbiased and as realistic as possible - it's not my fault this book happens to be incredible.*

This book is an absolute must-read for anyone who enjoys art that isn't limited by the constraints of realism. This book is absolutely absurd and captivating in the best ways possible. Elliott Rose's life changes drastically when, in the same night, he loses his job for a sham ghosthunting show, his girlfriend leaves him, taking everything with her, including ustensils (but somehow omitting to take the car that belongs to him but is under her name - don't ask), and - oh yeah - he makes an acquaintance with a rather naïve time-traveling-ninja-wrestler from the 80s named Hapkido Valentine. Elliott's life gets even stranger when he finds out that no one else can see the time-travelling ninja wrestler, and that somehow, through a glitch in the space-time continuum, Hapdiko can relay messages from the departed of this world with stunning accuracy.

The characters in this book jump from one adventure to the next, from one misfortune to another, building a bond and getting into, and out of, trouble at every turn. The events, although funny, unrealistic and frankly quite crazy at times, did not evoke any second-hand embarrassment in the slightest - trust me, I'm the most sensitive person to this unpleasant feeling. On the contrary, the protagonist is almost relatable, and his adventures are entertaining and engaging.

You must be warned, however, that this novel is rather absurd. This book does not take itself seriously in the slightest, which is a breathe of fresh air, especially in the current world conditions (written in the fall of 2020 - between a nasty virus ravaging the world and political grievances in many parts of the world, we could all use a brain-break.) The book is comparable, in this respect, to Douglas Adams's Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (frankly, both the book and the TV show). Don't start reading The Impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom with the expectation that you will find some great literature that holds the meaning of life, the secret to love, or some other sort of poetic nonesense, but you will, I promise, be entertained. This book, I can not repeat it enough, is just an incredible adventure from the start to the end. It feels like those dreams that make little sense but that are a ton of fun, and you are sad when they finish.

Speaking of finish - the story leads us in so many different directions, bringing up so many questions along the way, yet everything is tied up nicely at the end, despite not necessarily having concrete answers to any of our questions.

If you are hesitating between reading this book or not, I highly suggest you pick it up. Crack open the cover. Get real confortable and start reading the first chapter - you'll see that next thing you know, you're halfway through this engaging book. Give it a try. It is definitely worth the shot.

5 stars.

I want to thank Kirk St Moritz for the copy of the ebook in exchange for an honest review. I'm not sure how you knew I would love it so, but I can't thank you enough for bringing it - and yourself - to my attention. I believe I have a new author in my list of favorites (I can never pick just one favourite.)

[James Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, don't be put off by the try hard title (sausage is one of those low hanging fruit comedy words), this is actually a pretty good book and lots of fun.
Hapkido Valentine is a star of 80's Saturday evening British Wrestling. A masked champion from the mystic east (he's Kendo Nagasaki basically, ask your parents) which was still a thing in the '80's. Then one night a match goes wrong and he's nearly killed just managing to use his samurai powers to project himself into the future.
In 2017 Elliot Rose is working for a crappy late night, cable TV ghost hunter TV, providing the fake spirits. It's then that a real ghost steps into his life a giant figure dressed in far eastern themed wrestling gear. The poor spirit won't accept it's dead, insisting he's travelled through time....
And then Elliot's life starts to go down hill. How can he get rid of this ghostly man-child and get his life back together?
What follows contains fake mediums, real mediums, stranded stags, trainspotter hit men, pirates and blue rinsed hordes.
At it's best this book is comparable to Tom Holt (and Robert Rankin too) mixing the paranormal and the very mundane together in a very enjoyable way, the book breezes by.
Where it falls down, for me, is two things really. The humour in it (and particularly the references) are often a little dated, you'd not be surprised if you heard it coming from the Two Ronnies. The other is the women in it. There are plenty of women in the book. IT's just that almost all of them are deranged old biddies, horny cougars or big boobed dollies. No malice is meant i'm sure but it's old fashioned again.
But over all a really fun read and I look forward to reading the authors other work.

[Leonie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It took me a long time to finish this book. I really didn't like it for the first half but after that it gets better, and at the end I even enjoyed myself.
What really annoyed me is that almost every woman in this book either wants to kill the main character or have sex with him, or in one time both. Secondly he seems to spend quite some time looking at boobs. I'm not one for playing the feminist card, it just annoyed me so much that I couldn't really enjoy the story.
I quite liked some scenes (e.g. the jam scene) and the end is nice and consequent. All in all I would say if you want to read it, don't give up and stick through to the end. If you're really sensitive to female characters acting, well, kind of strange, then I would not recommend it.

[Braden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the best book I've read about time traveling ghosts of British wrestlers from the 80s. Check that, it definitely is.
A very fun read that had me laughing out loud on a few chapters. The protagonist Elliot Rose was surprisingly relatable considering I am not a psychic and in near constant contact with a wrestler from the '80s. I must admit this book is not for everyone, if for instance you see no humour in ghosts that won't accept themselves as ghosts and instead believe they are merely time travelers. You probably won't find this book as funny as I do.
If your bookshelves unironically contain the works of Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and/or David Wong there is no reason it shouldn't contain The impending Sausage Sandwich of Doom. Digital bookshelves doubly so.

[Kb · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave this one a good try. I almost liked it. I mean Elliot and Hapkido as characters were quite enjoyable to read. The trouble started for me when the POV changed to less well written characters, who relied too much on unlikely stereotypes for their portrayal. If the entire story had stayed in Elliot’s POV, I might have been able to tolerate it long enough to finish the book.

[Julie Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny story

This book was a funny read. It’s nice to come home from a long day at work and lose yourself in a silly book. The characters are definitely personable and you want to find out what happens to them. Great read!

[Peter Underwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read

Well plotted, adequately ridiculous and a genuinely bizarre sense of humour.
Add to the Dear John reference it made for a lightly hilarious read.

[Dronerg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read

Easy reading and amusing. Didn't really think it was my sort of storyline, but I did enjoy it. Whacky to say the least.

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny light hearted adventure. Good value for money. The two main characters are charming. I would read more books by the author.