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Undivided: Coming Out, Becoming Whole, and Living Free from Shame
Vicky Beeching, called “arguably the most influential Christian of her generation” in The Guardian, began writing songs for the church in her teens. By the time she reached her early thirties, Vicky was a household name in churches on both sides of the pond. Recording multiple albums and singing in America’s largest megachurches, her music was used weekly around the globe and translated into numerous languages.
But this poster girl for evangelical Christianity lived with a debilitating inner battle: she was gay. The tens of thousands of traditional Christians she sang in front of were unanimous in their view—they staunchly opposed same-sex relationships and saw homosexuality as a grievous sin. Vicky knew if she ever spoke up about her identity, it would cost her everything.
Faced with a major health crisis, at the age of thirty-five she decided to tell the world that she was gay. As a result, all hell broke loose. She lost her music career and livelihood, faced threats and vitriol from traditionalists, developed further health issues from the immense stress, and had to rebuild her life almost from scratch.
But despite losing so much she gained far more: she was finally able to live from a place of wholeness, vulnerability, and authenticity. She finally found peace. What’s more, Vicky became a champion for others, fighting for LGBT equality in the church and in the corporate sector. Her courageous work is creating change in the US and the UK, as she urges people to celebrate diversity, live authentically, and become undivided.
But this poster girl for evangelical Christianity lived with a debilitating inner battle: she was gay. The tens of thousands of traditional Christians she sang in front of were unanimous in their view—they staunchly opposed same-sex relationships and saw homosexuality as a grievous sin. Vicky knew if she ever spoke up about her identity, it would cost her everything.
Faced with a major health crisis, at the age of thirty-five she decided to tell the world that she was gay. As a result, all hell broke loose. She lost her music career and livelihood, faced threats and vitriol from traditionalists, developed further health issues from the immense stress, and had to rebuild her life almost from scratch.
But despite losing so much she gained far more: she was finally able to live from a place of wholeness, vulnerability, and authenticity. She finally found peace. What’s more, Vicky became a champion for others, fighting for LGBT equality in the church and in the corporate sector. Her courageous work is creating change in the US and the UK, as she urges people to celebrate diversity, live authentically, and become undivided.
285 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 12, 2018
69 people are currently reading
1147 people want to read
About the author
Vicky Beeching
13 books23 followersVicky Beeching is a writer, keynote speaker and equality campaigner. A regular on BBC TV and radio, she often commentates on current affairs, faith and LGBT equality. She has been featured in publications including The Guardian, TIME Magazine, The Telegraph, Huffington Post, The New Statesman, Gay Times, and many others. Formerly, she spent over a decade singing and touring in Christian music, becoming one of the best known religious musicians in the UK and the US. She has won awards for her media work, her writing, and for her equality campaigning. Her first book, UNDIVIDED, is published by HarperCollins. Vicky lives in London.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 183 reviews
June 13, 2018
I read this book from cover to cover in the span of 9 and a half hours. I stopped to make dinner but then forgot to eat it.
In her book, Undivided, Vicky Beeching chronicles her life from growing up in the church, to her career as a Christian worship leader/singer/songwriter to her coming out, and all of the ups and downs in between. Vicky Beeching has been through hell and back.
As a gay Christian who grew up in an evangelical mega church, SO MANY THINGS that Vicky experienced were things that I went through as well. (See the entire page 5.) Vicky is able to put to words things that I have felt all my life but never knew how to express.
I wish that there had been a book like this when I was a teenager. Like Vicky, I feel as though I missed my teens and twenties as I spent them so far in the closet that I should have fallen into Narnia.
I can only imagine the impact that this book is going to have on young LGBTQ+ kids, especially those struggling with their faith and sexuality.
I am in awe of Vicky’s courage to publish this book in spite of the amount of hatred and vitriol spewed her way on a daily basis from so-called Christians. I follow her on Twitter and I have seen the cruelty that people throw at her “in the name of God.” The fact that she would be so open and vulnerable because she knows that our community is under represented, even in the face of the threats she receives... Vicky Beeching is an amazing woman.
I feel that history will someday look back at Vicky as a hero for LGBTQ+ people of faith. That’s how I see her today.
If you are a church leader, you should read this book. If you are a straight Christian who is against LGBTQ+ rights, you should read this book. If you are a parent of an LGBTQ+ kid, you should read this book.
Most importantly, if you ARE an LGBTQ+ person who is struggling with faith, you should read this book. You’re not alone.
In her book, Undivided, Vicky Beeching chronicles her life from growing up in the church, to her career as a Christian worship leader/singer/songwriter to her coming out, and all of the ups and downs in between. Vicky Beeching has been through hell and back.
As a gay Christian who grew up in an evangelical mega church, SO MANY THINGS that Vicky experienced were things that I went through as well. (See the entire page 5.) Vicky is able to put to words things that I have felt all my life but never knew how to express.
I wish that there had been a book like this when I was a teenager. Like Vicky, I feel as though I missed my teens and twenties as I spent them so far in the closet that I should have fallen into Narnia.
I can only imagine the impact that this book is going to have on young LGBTQ+ kids, especially those struggling with their faith and sexuality.
I am in awe of Vicky’s courage to publish this book in spite of the amount of hatred and vitriol spewed her way on a daily basis from so-called Christians. I follow her on Twitter and I have seen the cruelty that people throw at her “in the name of God.” The fact that she would be so open and vulnerable because she knows that our community is under represented, even in the face of the threats she receives... Vicky Beeching is an amazing woman.
I feel that history will someday look back at Vicky as a hero for LGBTQ+ people of faith. That’s how I see her today.
If you are a church leader, you should read this book. If you are a straight Christian who is against LGBTQ+ rights, you should read this book. If you are a parent of an LGBTQ+ kid, you should read this book.
Most importantly, if you ARE an LGBTQ+ person who is struggling with faith, you should read this book. You’re not alone.
June 28, 2018
Talk about convicting! I was raised (thankfully!) in a different sort of Christian environment than Vicky Beeching, a lot more liberal and with a handful of LGBTQ congregants in the various churches I attended. Perhaps because of my background, I haven’t given too much thought to the plight of LGBTQ Christians.
Beeching’s memoir opened my eyes to what I’d been missing. Her experience as a gay evangelical was heartrending and appalling. The vitriol she still faces from some “Christians” is not just wrong, it’s terrifying. It’s sickening to me to think that the Gospel of Jesus is used to justify actions and doctrines so hateful, damaging, and soul crushing.
But then, Beeching points out how the Gospels and the Bible in general have been used throughout the ages to excuse evils like slavery and the subjugation of women. Indeed, lots of churches still use carefully selected verses to maintain the subordination of women. It’s astonishing. Women are heads of state in some places in the world but they can’t be preachers in a lot of denominations.
And yet, remarkably, despite the many abuses she has suffered/is suffering, this incredible woman has not wavered in her devotion to God. If I had been in a similar situation, I doubt I would have gotten out with my life, much less my faith.
Church history is replete with examples of doctrinal injustices and church sanctioned discrimination. there are also examples of righting some grievous wrongs. Sadly, most rectifications are the result of generations of struggle. I want to believe that the Church can be a safe place for all people no matter how much evidence there exists to the contrary. Lord have mercy on us.
Beeching’s memoir opened my eyes to what I’d been missing. Her experience as a gay evangelical was heartrending and appalling. The vitriol she still faces from some “Christians” is not just wrong, it’s terrifying. It’s sickening to me to think that the Gospel of Jesus is used to justify actions and doctrines so hateful, damaging, and soul crushing.
But then, Beeching points out how the Gospels and the Bible in general have been used throughout the ages to excuse evils like slavery and the subjugation of women. Indeed, lots of churches still use carefully selected verses to maintain the subordination of women. It’s astonishing. Women are heads of state in some places in the world but they can’t be preachers in a lot of denominations.
And yet, remarkably, despite the many abuses she has suffered/is suffering, this incredible woman has not wavered in her devotion to God. If I had been in a similar situation, I doubt I would have gotten out with my life, much less my faith.
Church history is replete with examples of doctrinal injustices and church sanctioned discrimination. there are also examples of righting some grievous wrongs. Sadly, most rectifications are the result of generations of struggle. I want to believe that the Church can be a safe place for all people no matter how much evidence there exists to the contrary. Lord have mercy on us.
September 13, 2024
I spent the vast majority of this beautiful, brave memoir, sobbing quietly to myself.
A friend recommended it to me many months ago. This friend is queer herself and grew up in a very religious family (her father is a parish pastor), so clearly she was going to identify with Vicky's story (I have to use her first name, because I feel like I know her personally after this book). I'm not religious myself and admit to not being very knowledge about the evangelical Christian community, but my friend thought that not only would I blown away by what Vicky had been put through, but I would also relate to her health struggles.
I can only imagine how much of an invaluable resource this book must be both to gay Christians, but also anyone who believes their true identity makes them an outsider and is ashamed of that. Vicky's upbringing in a particularly devout evangelical community and her subsequent career as a Christian musician and worship leader makes her internal conflict all the more punishing, to the point it dramatically affects her health.
She also beautifully explains how her own personal theology slowly begins to change. The chapters on her research into biblical interpretations were some of my favourites, and as someone with very little knowledge on the bible, that was impressive. It's very accessible and easy to follow. Her conclusions make a lot of sense, even to someone non-religious. She points out how across history the Church has had to change how it interprets the bibles teachings on issues such as slavery and women's equality (even if there is still a long way to go there too); the Church is not fixed, but also adapts to the time and culture. That is such an optimistic and hopeful outlook, and I really hope Vicky is right.
Now I'm sure reading this book wouldn't change the minds of the most extreme homophobes, but, you know, I really think Vicky could persuade a good many people here. It's hard to see how you couldn't sympathise with her after all she's suffered. What is most remarkable is not once does lose her devotion to God and her faith, but the way she considers faith and explains her beliefs is so clear and expressive, that it becomes all the less unsurprising. If that's not inspiring, then I don't know what it is.
A friend recommended it to me many months ago. This friend is queer herself and grew up in a very religious family (her father is a parish pastor), so clearly she was going to identify with Vicky's story (I have to use her first name, because I feel like I know her personally after this book). I'm not religious myself and admit to not being very knowledge about the evangelical Christian community, but my friend thought that not only would I blown away by what Vicky had been put through, but I would also relate to her health struggles.
I can only imagine how much of an invaluable resource this book must be both to gay Christians, but also anyone who believes their true identity makes them an outsider and is ashamed of that. Vicky's upbringing in a particularly devout evangelical community and her subsequent career as a Christian musician and worship leader makes her internal conflict all the more punishing, to the point it dramatically affects her health.
She also beautifully explains how her own personal theology slowly begins to change. The chapters on her research into biblical interpretations were some of my favourites, and as someone with very little knowledge on the bible, that was impressive. It's very accessible and easy to follow. Her conclusions make a lot of sense, even to someone non-religious. She points out how across history the Church has had to change how it interprets the bibles teachings on issues such as slavery and women's equality (even if there is still a long way to go there too); the Church is not fixed, but also adapts to the time and culture. That is such an optimistic and hopeful outlook, and I really hope Vicky is right.
Now I'm sure reading this book wouldn't change the minds of the most extreme homophobes, but, you know, I really think Vicky could persuade a good many people here. It's hard to see how you couldn't sympathise with her after all she's suffered. What is most remarkable is not once does lose her devotion to God and her faith, but the way she considers faith and explains her beliefs is so clear and expressive, that it becomes all the less unsurprising. If that's not inspiring, then I don't know what it is.
July 31, 2018
“If you believe what you like in the Gospel, and reject what you don't like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself.” - Augustine of Hippo
It’s quite obvious from her book, “Undivided,”that Vicky Beeching believes what she likes in the Bible, and rejects (explains away) what she doesn’t like. This book is a fascinating, quick reads as Ms. Beeching attempts to accomplish her stated purpose: “Its my attempt,” she writes , “to show that LGBTQ+ people of faith, and same-sex marriage, should be fully affirmed.”
Let me start by saying that Ms. Beeching‘s story is sad and deplorable. She feels she cannot tell anyone that she is attracted to women, she is sexually assaulted while in a theology program at Oxford, her few attempts at telling someone about her struggle end nightmarishly. One wonders how things would have turned out had she revealed herself to someone who had a more compassionate, understanding, pastoral heart when she explained her struggle with same-sex attraction, but this doesn’t happen.
Ms. Beeching’s desire is not to be accepted by the church because she has same-sex attraction—after obvious struggles and mistakes in handling people like her, the church is finally coming around to true care and concern for homosexuals while abiding by biblical standards. People like Dr. Wes Hill (“Washed and Waiting”) have documented their same-sex attraction and chosen the biblical pattern of living in celibacy. This, however, is not what Ms. Beeching desires. She desires to live as a lesbian, have a lesbian wife and/or lover, and be fully affirmed by the church, which of course the church cannot do because this is not biblical.
Some issues with the book:
1. Ms. Beeching is inconsistent. On the one hand she applauds the theologian, Peter Enns when he excoriates the church for the “sin of certainty” about their theological positions. However, when Ms. Beeching explains away the biblical prohibition about living a homosexual lifestyle, she writes: “Now that I was certain of my own theology, it was increasingly hard not to speak up for social justice.” Wait...what? She writes these words with no irony at all. Did she forget that she wrote approvingly of the “sin of certainty” earlier in the book? Apparently so.
2. Ms. Beeching plays very fast and loose with the Bible. She points out—and I understand—that she is not making an exhaustive biblical argument for homosexuality, this is a memoir, with limited space to do that. So far, so good. However, she spends several pages equating a homosexual lifestyle with God’s instruction to Peter that gentiles were welcome in the faith! I am not going to belabor the point here, suffice to say that this passage in Acts is ripped right out of context and used for her own purposes.
3. Ms. Beeching is very dismissive of any attempts to get her to live a life of celibacy, including a very painful discussion with her grandfather who spent his life as a missionary in Africa. I will allow Rosario Butterfield, lesbian, feminist, professor at Syracuse, turned follower of Jesus, to speak to that particular issue. She says: “Our call is not to despair, but to hope in Christ, and to drive a fresh nail into our choice sin every day.” Needless to say, this Ms. Beeching is not the least bit interested in doing.
4. Jesus is (almost) missing. This is weird, but in her discussions of her faith, there is a lot about love, a lot about God, a lot about how God wants her to live a whole, complete, undivided life, but little about Jesus, nothing about repentance, nothing about sacrifice, nothing about her own sin and sinfulness. By the end of the book she has, unsurprisingly, swallowed the whole “liberal” view of the Bible hook, line, and sinker, including wanting to refer to God as “she,” but not doing so because she decided that would be too much for evangelicals.
The sum total is a disheartening book that ends up right where you suspect it will go. Is it any wonder that she “discovers” in scripture that a homosexual lifestyle is not only not sinful but a positive good, given the fact that she is a lesbian?
The theologian Millard Erickson once wrote that we should hold our theological views with some humility, because we may be wrong about them. Ms. Beeching subscribes to this same view, but only for those who oppose her views, not for herself. For herself, she is certain. The irony seems to escape her.
It’s quite obvious from her book, “Undivided,”that Vicky Beeching believes what she likes in the Bible, and rejects (explains away) what she doesn’t like. This book is a fascinating, quick reads as Ms. Beeching attempts to accomplish her stated purpose: “Its my attempt,” she writes , “to show that LGBTQ+ people of faith, and same-sex marriage, should be fully affirmed.”
Let me start by saying that Ms. Beeching‘s story is sad and deplorable. She feels she cannot tell anyone that she is attracted to women, she is sexually assaulted while in a theology program at Oxford, her few attempts at telling someone about her struggle end nightmarishly. One wonders how things would have turned out had she revealed herself to someone who had a more compassionate, understanding, pastoral heart when she explained her struggle with same-sex attraction, but this doesn’t happen.
Ms. Beeching’s desire is not to be accepted by the church because she has same-sex attraction—after obvious struggles and mistakes in handling people like her, the church is finally coming around to true care and concern for homosexuals while abiding by biblical standards. People like Dr. Wes Hill (“Washed and Waiting”) have documented their same-sex attraction and chosen the biblical pattern of living in celibacy. This, however, is not what Ms. Beeching desires. She desires to live as a lesbian, have a lesbian wife and/or lover, and be fully affirmed by the church, which of course the church cannot do because this is not biblical.
Some issues with the book:
1. Ms. Beeching is inconsistent. On the one hand she applauds the theologian, Peter Enns when he excoriates the church for the “sin of certainty” about their theological positions. However, when Ms. Beeching explains away the biblical prohibition about living a homosexual lifestyle, she writes: “Now that I was certain of my own theology, it was increasingly hard not to speak up for social justice.” Wait...what? She writes these words with no irony at all. Did she forget that she wrote approvingly of the “sin of certainty” earlier in the book? Apparently so.
2. Ms. Beeching plays very fast and loose with the Bible. She points out—and I understand—that she is not making an exhaustive biblical argument for homosexuality, this is a memoir, with limited space to do that. So far, so good. However, she spends several pages equating a homosexual lifestyle with God’s instruction to Peter that gentiles were welcome in the faith! I am not going to belabor the point here, suffice to say that this passage in Acts is ripped right out of context and used for her own purposes.
3. Ms. Beeching is very dismissive of any attempts to get her to live a life of celibacy, including a very painful discussion with her grandfather who spent his life as a missionary in Africa. I will allow Rosario Butterfield, lesbian, feminist, professor at Syracuse, turned follower of Jesus, to speak to that particular issue. She says: “Our call is not to despair, but to hope in Christ, and to drive a fresh nail into our choice sin every day.” Needless to say, this Ms. Beeching is not the least bit interested in doing.
4. Jesus is (almost) missing. This is weird, but in her discussions of her faith, there is a lot about love, a lot about God, a lot about how God wants her to live a whole, complete, undivided life, but little about Jesus, nothing about repentance, nothing about sacrifice, nothing about her own sin and sinfulness. By the end of the book she has, unsurprisingly, swallowed the whole “liberal” view of the Bible hook, line, and sinker, including wanting to refer to God as “she,” but not doing so because she decided that would be too much for evangelicals.
The sum total is a disheartening book that ends up right where you suspect it will go. Is it any wonder that she “discovers” in scripture that a homosexual lifestyle is not only not sinful but a positive good, given the fact that she is a lesbian?
The theologian Millard Erickson once wrote that we should hold our theological views with some humility, because we may be wrong about them. Ms. Beeching subscribes to this same view, but only for those who oppose her views, not for herself. For herself, she is certain. The irony seems to escape her.
June 14, 2018
I've been waiting to read this for some time and bought a copy as soon as it was released. I wasn't disappointed. Beeching has been honest, vulnerable, even raw, and it is clear how much writing this must have cost her, but what a wonderful book. She tells her own journey with clarity and humility, describing the struggles she had in an evangelical culture whilst growing up gay. She recounts the teaching which brought her shame, a dreadful attempt at exorcism on a vulnerable teenager, the cost of the 'Kissing dating goodbye' purity culture, not only to herself but to straight friends as well, and the illness which finally brought her home to the UK after a career in the American evangelical subculture and led to her coming out in 2014. Mixed in with all this are accounts of her undergrad studies at Oxford, and then her later studies as she tried to come to terms with her sexuality and her academic abilities bring another side to her story. The story of her research although brief is welcome. This is someone who has been taught to think, to research and study as well as someone whose life is soaked in prayer and worship with an undivided heart for Jesus.
The response to her coming out is something the church should weep over. Rape threats, death threats, gloating over her illness, praying for her to become iller, cursing and threatening her, purposefully trying to stop her from speaking and generally vilifying her...and all done by those who profess to be Christian. As Christians, we should be able to disagree without resorting to any of that.
I know many will disagree with her message, and I suspect that soon there will be negative reviews here and elsewhere from people who haven't even read the book, just based on the subject matter. That also saddens me, because how we treat each other is far more important than our beliefs on sexuality.
If you are undecided on the subject, if you know someone who is Christian and gay and wonder how the two mix, if you wonder about the effect of evangelical teaching on gay (and even straight) teenagers, if you are gay and wondering how to come out, if someone you know has recently come out, if you know you disagree with her point of view but are open to listening to her full story, if you know you agree and want to know more - and above all, if you are interested in people, then this book is well worth reading.
The response to her coming out is something the church should weep over. Rape threats, death threats, gloating over her illness, praying for her to become iller, cursing and threatening her, purposefully trying to stop her from speaking and generally vilifying her...and all done by those who profess to be Christian. As Christians, we should be able to disagree without resorting to any of that.
I know many will disagree with her message, and I suspect that soon there will be negative reviews here and elsewhere from people who haven't even read the book, just based on the subject matter. That also saddens me, because how we treat each other is far more important than our beliefs on sexuality.
If you are undecided on the subject, if you know someone who is Christian and gay and wonder how the two mix, if you wonder about the effect of evangelical teaching on gay (and even straight) teenagers, if you are gay and wondering how to come out, if someone you know has recently come out, if you know you disagree with her point of view but are open to listening to her full story, if you know you agree and want to know more - and above all, if you are interested in people, then this book is well worth reading.
August 9, 2021
Found this book to be a thoughtful and compassionate memoir. In addition to her coming out story and the backlash and acceptance she experienced within and beyond her Evangelical Church she is also a scholar so I was pleased to also learn quite a bit about Theology. Well done.
August 16, 2018
Very moving memoir - should be read by all evangelical Christians no matter what their beliefs on the sexuality debate.
June 25, 2018
I wrote a full review in the form of an open letter - here -
https://theweeflea.com/2018/06/25/und...
As a summary I would say that this is a well written and profoundly depressing book. Vicky has swallowed the 'progressive/regressive' pill wholeheartedly. This is a book about horror, hypocrisy and hope. Sadly Vicky has just changed one stage (the Christian Music) for another (the Corporate Capitalist LGBT agenda)....so, so sad....
https://theweeflea.com/2018/06/25/und...
As a summary I would say that this is a well written and profoundly depressing book. Vicky has swallowed the 'progressive/regressive' pill wholeheartedly. This is a book about horror, hypocrisy and hope. Sadly Vicky has just changed one stage (the Christian Music) for another (the Corporate Capitalist LGBT agenda)....so, so sad....
September 6, 2018
I really didn’t have a clue what my gay Christian friends went through until I read this book. It’s not an easy read; so many sad things to deal with. I’m always puzzled by why some of my fellow evangelicals shower gays with so much hatred. Doesn’t seem very evangelical to me. Like many straight men of my age group, I’m on a journey with this. I’m grateful that this book was written; I think I understand better now.
December 27, 2022
This is a must-read for any Christian within a church culture which does not accept same sex relationships, and probably for any Christian generally - LGBTQ+ or not. It will build empathy and compassion, give insight, and grow love for those who are discriminated against on grounds of ‘the bible clearly says…’.
January 28, 2019
Very open and honest book.
July 8, 2018
Vicky Beeching’s, ‘Undivided’ is the book I wish I had read when I was a teenager. I struggled with the realisation that I had a gay sexual orientation that was incompatible with my conservative, evangelical Christian faith as a teen and for many more years afterwards in the closet. This book in an invaluable resource not only to LGBT+ Christians but also those seeking understanding of voices of diversity in the church and wider society.
Beeching’s memoir will sound familiar to the lives of many LGBT+ Christians as she recalls and unpacks different stages in her life from the frightening images from childhood of Old Testament stories such as Sodom and Gomorrah to the after effects of the purity movement of the 90s to the internally damaging debates about marriage equality. Sadly, her story of loss, the loss of her Christian music career, friends and her health is not unique to other LGBT+ Christians who publically come out. Thankfully, it’s not all disaster and Vicky documents the process of coming out including support from friends, family and advocates around her, a new career in activism and the delightfully awkward recount of lesbian dating 101: who pays for dinner?
This is also the book I wish my mentors and church leaders had read and given to me instead of ex-gay ministry books based on reparative (conversion) therapy. What is astoundingly clear throughout her story is her devotion to God and the scriptures. Through her theology degree and thoughtful contemplation of church progression through different times in history, Vicky does an amazing job at providing her reader with the context and evidence for the Gospel’s message of grace and radical inclusion. As Vicky says, “we become our most, beautiful, powerful, irreplaceable selves when we allow our diversity to shine”. Being gay and Christian are not mutually exclusive.
Vicky, thank you for your honesty, accessibility and truthfulness in writing this book and contributing to the much needed public discourse about LGBT+ inclusion, particularly from the extremely rare point of view of being a gay, female, Christian. This will touch the lives of more people than you know and I pray that everyone who reads it will have an open heart to hear your story.
Beeching’s memoir will sound familiar to the lives of many LGBT+ Christians as she recalls and unpacks different stages in her life from the frightening images from childhood of Old Testament stories such as Sodom and Gomorrah to the after effects of the purity movement of the 90s to the internally damaging debates about marriage equality. Sadly, her story of loss, the loss of her Christian music career, friends and her health is not unique to other LGBT+ Christians who publically come out. Thankfully, it’s not all disaster and Vicky documents the process of coming out including support from friends, family and advocates around her, a new career in activism and the delightfully awkward recount of lesbian dating 101: who pays for dinner?
This is also the book I wish my mentors and church leaders had read and given to me instead of ex-gay ministry books based on reparative (conversion) therapy. What is astoundingly clear throughout her story is her devotion to God and the scriptures. Through her theology degree and thoughtful contemplation of church progression through different times in history, Vicky does an amazing job at providing her reader with the context and evidence for the Gospel’s message of grace and radical inclusion. As Vicky says, “we become our most, beautiful, powerful, irreplaceable selves when we allow our diversity to shine”. Being gay and Christian are not mutually exclusive.
Vicky, thank you for your honesty, accessibility and truthfulness in writing this book and contributing to the much needed public discourse about LGBT+ inclusion, particularly from the extremely rare point of view of being a gay, female, Christian. This will touch the lives of more people than you know and I pray that everyone who reads it will have an open heart to hear your story.
November 30, 2018
Very readable book, a real page turner.
At the same time, so very flawed. This book shouldn’t change any evangelicals minds. The arguments are so weak, and there are hints throughout that her faith isn’t supreme in her life.
It often felt like her hope was in being straight, not in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
She does raise some valid criticisms at times.
I also think this book highlights why we need complementarianism, and what she is advocating is just the more rotten fruit of egalitarianism.
She is a victim of a weak apostate Church in the UK that doesn’t believe in anything anymore.
It is sad to hear of all the hate she has received, at the same time she is well outside the bounds of orthodoxy. She seemed to think throughout the Church would reject her for being gay and that’s a bigger issue to her support of same sex marriage. This seemed the wrong way round to me. It doesn’t matter who your fallen desires are for, rather it’s what you do on those desires. When she first came out in support for SSM that is the line crossed. Steve Chalke / Rob Bell et al don’t need to be gay for us to know they are heretics.
The Church, especially the Church of England, needs to stop platforming and engaging with these people. Justin Welby is a weak leader giving into forces and influences that are destroying the Church.
All in all a fairly well written book, that has probably made me more staunchly complementarian / conservative because of its atrocious arguments.
At the same time, so very flawed. This book shouldn’t change any evangelicals minds. The arguments are so weak, and there are hints throughout that her faith isn’t supreme in her life.
It often felt like her hope was in being straight, not in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
She does raise some valid criticisms at times.
I also think this book highlights why we need complementarianism, and what she is advocating is just the more rotten fruit of egalitarianism.
She is a victim of a weak apostate Church in the UK that doesn’t believe in anything anymore.
It is sad to hear of all the hate she has received, at the same time she is well outside the bounds of orthodoxy. She seemed to think throughout the Church would reject her for being gay and that’s a bigger issue to her support of same sex marriage. This seemed the wrong way round to me. It doesn’t matter who your fallen desires are for, rather it’s what you do on those desires. When she first came out in support for SSM that is the line crossed. Steve Chalke / Rob Bell et al don’t need to be gay for us to know they are heretics.
The Church, especially the Church of England, needs to stop platforming and engaging with these people. Justin Welby is a weak leader giving into forces and influences that are destroying the Church.
All in all a fairly well written book, that has probably made me more staunchly complementarian / conservative because of its atrocious arguments.
July 8, 2018
This is an insightful and brave memoir.
Forget the gay issue: by far the most shocking discovery I made in this book was to learn about the workaholic lifestyle demanded of a full time Christian Worship leader in the USA. Ten years of relentless air travel to enable a daily routine of performances in church after church and worship group after worship group. Notably absent: the vision and pastoral insight that might have caused a Church leader to ask whether the demands being made on the visiting worship leader were likely to be harmful/destructive rather than life giving.
As for the gay issue: This is yet another honest memoir which should make us stop and think. It is shaming to read of the hate-filled treatment the author has been subjected to as a result of her honesty in coming out. We have a lot to learn about how to disagree well and how to make those we disagree with welcome. No matter whether one agrees with Vicky B or not, one can only feel sorrow she has been and is trolled and vilified for who she is and what she believes.
"By this shall all people know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another." (Jn 13:35)
Forget the gay issue: by far the most shocking discovery I made in this book was to learn about the workaholic lifestyle demanded of a full time Christian Worship leader in the USA. Ten years of relentless air travel to enable a daily routine of performances in church after church and worship group after worship group. Notably absent: the vision and pastoral insight that might have caused a Church leader to ask whether the demands being made on the visiting worship leader were likely to be harmful/destructive rather than life giving.
As for the gay issue: This is yet another honest memoir which should make us stop and think. It is shaming to read of the hate-filled treatment the author has been subjected to as a result of her honesty in coming out. We have a lot to learn about how to disagree well and how to make those we disagree with welcome. No matter whether one agrees with Vicky B or not, one can only feel sorrow she has been and is trolled and vilified for who she is and what she believes.
"By this shall all people know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another." (Jn 13:35)
July 11, 2018
Vicky's story is a powerful description of a faith that refuses to be silent, and an identity that refuses to be denied. In reading it we find that neither are needed; instead, we encounter a God who walks us all through intimate questions on being.
November 7, 2018
This book was obviously written for a particular audience - not me! However, I would still recommend it highly for its honesty and vulnerability and to get a glimpse into the kind of homophobia that is still too prevelant in churches.
October 15, 2020
Great memoir. Looking at reviews, I can tell a lot of people have misunderstood this to be a theological exegesis, which the author clearly states it is not.
I really related to Vicky Beeching's experience, especially where she talks about the toll suppressing herself took on her mind and body. When I came out it was because I was at a place where I had to choose between life and death; I chose life, and I'm glad Vicky did as well.
I really related to Vicky Beeching's experience, especially where she talks about the toll suppressing herself took on her mind and body. When I came out it was because I was at a place where I had to choose between life and death; I chose life, and I'm glad Vicky did as well.
September 18, 2018
I can't even begin to post my thoughts on such a book.
I am queer [bisexual] and I live in the south. Basically a part of the Bible belt. My father was a minister and I on all accounts, a minister's kid. I lived and breathed church. Until I was about 18.
Wasn't until I was 21, that I realized I liked girls.
And talk about a shock to my family (adopted family. friends I can call a family).
None of them expected it but....somehow even with the more religious ones, accepted me.
I didn't read my first gay book, until I was 24. Which was this year. And it was "Love Simon".
I've watched a good portion of current gay/lesbian films and loved them all. I learned about the LGBT community and culture through online social media. I learned about loving fictional queer characters from sites like Tumblr and Pillow.io.
But in all that time, all that information and so many late night talks; I've never had anyone really sit down and discuss christianity and christian lgbt.
I've heard the same, like everyone else. Can only have one or the other. How can you be so sinful yet love God or believe in Him or want to follow Him because of such things?
When Jennifer Knapp's "Scandal" hit the younger christian groups, I remember a friend I had ; biggest believer in my entire group of friends; flat out say he was deleting her songs off his ipod. I remember it was cheered for, deleting her music off your itunes or throwing her cds out. I only had 1 album by her. I never deleted it. And during all this I kept wondering, how can these people who boast and talk so much about loving one another; act like a pack of hyenas around a dead carcass?
In all my years, I've never been comfortable or able to have a conversation about the church and queer people without it turning into a speech. I still can't. My family is very stuck on what the Bible says. That at the end of the day, man cannot alter what the Bible says to support his view point.
And I find that faulty at best.
Because we have. all of us, have. All of us have at some point taken the Bible out of context and used it to make a point.
Never once reading this book, did I ever feel like that was being done.
This is the first christian book, written by an LGBT activist [[of sorts]]; that didn't leave me feeling cold.
I'm 25 years old and this is the first book I ever read that even remotely spoke positively about those of us who are LGBT and Christian and feel like we've been split down the middle. Have to hide every day, who we are and what we want so badly from our christian communities. From what we face at churches everytime the preacher goes into a rant about the "gay agenda" and how gay people are taking over the church.
This book, in every sense of the word, feels like a breath of fresh air. It feels like someone has finally opened a door and I can breathe. I can breathe in this small little safe space I have and not feel like I am somehow....vile for what I feel towards girls.
I was around still, somewhat, in the online christian community when Vicky Beeching came out. I remember the anger. The hatred. I saw the comments on Facebook and Twitter. i saw the cruel vicious words spoken by other Christians and it broke my heart. Because here is a woman trying to be who she is, and instead of our community embracing her, they rejected her. And the fact her faith her love her belief in God has held on so strongly , through all of that, honestly it's....astounding.
I am getting speechy.
Bottom line, this book made me think. it made me angry, especially her times with some of the churches, the things she had to endure from people in her life. It made me emotional, it made me feel like I was less alone.
I won't sit here and say I'm a good christian. I'm not. But this book, for once I felt like someone was speaking to me and saying "It's ok."
We need more books like this, not just from Vicky but from so many others.
I read some of the negative reviews and honestly I feel like people are being too nit-picky. This book has so much to offer, so much to challenge, so much to sit and mull over for days. And it's an autobiography.
Vicky impressed me when she came out, despite the risks. She impressed me for being so honest. But she made me feel humble with her realism and utter vulnerability through-out this book. I can't imagine being in her shoes, facing what she has and overcoming what she has for so many years of her life.
I did like her music, back in the day, and while I miss her music in general; I know she's in a much better place now. Actively and vocally speaking her story and letting .....basically God shine through it all.
End of the day, this book is important and it's beautifully human. I recommend it highly. I doubt Vicky reads these reviews, much less cares, but I am being very honest when I say; thank you for writing this book.
I am queer [bisexual] and I live in the south. Basically a part of the Bible belt. My father was a minister and I on all accounts, a minister's kid. I lived and breathed church. Until I was about 18.
Wasn't until I was 21, that I realized I liked girls.
And talk about a shock to my family (adopted family. friends I can call a family).
None of them expected it but....somehow even with the more religious ones, accepted me.
I didn't read my first gay book, until I was 24. Which was this year. And it was "Love Simon".
I've watched a good portion of current gay/lesbian films and loved them all. I learned about the LGBT community and culture through online social media. I learned about loving fictional queer characters from sites like Tumblr and Pillow.io.
But in all that time, all that information and so many late night talks; I've never had anyone really sit down and discuss christianity and christian lgbt.
I've heard the same, like everyone else. Can only have one or the other. How can you be so sinful yet love God or believe in Him or want to follow Him because of such things?
When Jennifer Knapp's "Scandal" hit the younger christian groups, I remember a friend I had ; biggest believer in my entire group of friends; flat out say he was deleting her songs off his ipod. I remember it was cheered for, deleting her music off your itunes or throwing her cds out. I only had 1 album by her. I never deleted it. And during all this I kept wondering, how can these people who boast and talk so much about loving one another; act like a pack of hyenas around a dead carcass?
In all my years, I've never been comfortable or able to have a conversation about the church and queer people without it turning into a speech. I still can't. My family is very stuck on what the Bible says. That at the end of the day, man cannot alter what the Bible says to support his view point.
And I find that faulty at best.
Because we have. all of us, have. All of us have at some point taken the Bible out of context and used it to make a point.
Never once reading this book, did I ever feel like that was being done.
This is the first christian book, written by an LGBT activist [[of sorts]]; that didn't leave me feeling cold.
I'm 25 years old and this is the first book I ever read that even remotely spoke positively about those of us who are LGBT and Christian and feel like we've been split down the middle. Have to hide every day, who we are and what we want so badly from our christian communities. From what we face at churches everytime the preacher goes into a rant about the "gay agenda" and how gay people are taking over the church.
This book, in every sense of the word, feels like a breath of fresh air. It feels like someone has finally opened a door and I can breathe. I can breathe in this small little safe space I have and not feel like I am somehow....vile for what I feel towards girls.
I was around still, somewhat, in the online christian community when Vicky Beeching came out. I remember the anger. The hatred. I saw the comments on Facebook and Twitter. i saw the cruel vicious words spoken by other Christians and it broke my heart. Because here is a woman trying to be who she is, and instead of our community embracing her, they rejected her. And the fact her faith her love her belief in God has held on so strongly , through all of that, honestly it's....astounding.
I am getting speechy.
Bottom line, this book made me think. it made me angry, especially her times with some of the churches, the things she had to endure from people in her life. It made me emotional, it made me feel like I was less alone.
I won't sit here and say I'm a good christian. I'm not. But this book, for once I felt like someone was speaking to me and saying "It's ok."
We need more books like this, not just from Vicky but from so many others.
I read some of the negative reviews and honestly I feel like people are being too nit-picky. This book has so much to offer, so much to challenge, so much to sit and mull over for days. And it's an autobiography.
Vicky impressed me when she came out, despite the risks. She impressed me for being so honest. But she made me feel humble with her realism and utter vulnerability through-out this book. I can't imagine being in her shoes, facing what she has and overcoming what she has for so many years of her life.
I did like her music, back in the day, and while I miss her music in general; I know she's in a much better place now. Actively and vocally speaking her story and letting .....basically God shine through it all.
End of the day, this book is important and it's beautifully human. I recommend it highly. I doubt Vicky reads these reviews, much less cares, but I am being very honest when I say; thank you for writing this book.
December 23, 2019
What a deeply sad memoir to read. Sad to see how badly Vicky was hurt by so many, sad because of the vicious way so many have responded to her coming out, and sad because of the route by which she has appeared to arrive at her conclusions. There is a particularly poignant moment towards the end of the book when, recording a conversation with her grandfather, he says to her, "You're just seeing what you want to see in the Bible, darling" (p229). She denies it, but he voiced exactly what I had been thinking.
The book is described as a journey to becoming undivided, and strikingly recounts her acceptance of LGBTQ+ theology, perhaps consciously, as a kind of conversion experience (p204). She sings of wanting to be wholly committed to God - that He is enough ("Nothing this world can offer ever compares to you", p92). But, upsettingly, she is left painfully unsatisfied without a romantic relationship, and her journey is driven by an increasing doubt in any biblical convictions ("faith should be rooted in mystery and wonder rather than in sterile claims of certainty", p93).
In the end I couldn't see any room for repentance in her gospel ("God loves us exactly for who we are", p222). Rather than solving God's wrath by Christ's death, she denies it ("it didn't sound like the God I'd always known and followed", p225). No wonder hints of universalism start to emerge late in the book (p267).
It made me want to pray for her, and for Christians experiencing similar battles. Moreover, it made me want to consider carefully how to proclaim our good God - whose justice is expressed in judgement of all sinners, but who has taken His wrath on Himself by His Son's blood. How much more loving to extend His real, gracious offer of satisfying relationship with Him, granted to everyone who would, as Jesus proclaimed, "repent and believe the gospel" (Mark 1:15).
The book is described as a journey to becoming undivided, and strikingly recounts her acceptance of LGBTQ+ theology, perhaps consciously, as a kind of conversion experience (p204). She sings of wanting to be wholly committed to God - that He is enough ("Nothing this world can offer ever compares to you", p92). But, upsettingly, she is left painfully unsatisfied without a romantic relationship, and her journey is driven by an increasing doubt in any biblical convictions ("faith should be rooted in mystery and wonder rather than in sterile claims of certainty", p93).
In the end I couldn't see any room for repentance in her gospel ("God loves us exactly for who we are", p222). Rather than solving God's wrath by Christ's death, she denies it ("it didn't sound like the God I'd always known and followed", p225). No wonder hints of universalism start to emerge late in the book (p267).
It made me want to pray for her, and for Christians experiencing similar battles. Moreover, it made me want to consider carefully how to proclaim our good God - whose justice is expressed in judgement of all sinners, but who has taken His wrath on Himself by His Son's blood. How much more loving to extend His real, gracious offer of satisfying relationship with Him, granted to everyone who would, as Jesus proclaimed, "repent and believe the gospel" (Mark 1:15).
November 12, 2018
I wish everyone would read this book and other memoirs like it. People need to hear these stories and try to gain some empathy for what it is like to be taught for so long that who you are is just wrong, but then to find freedom in realizing that's just not true.
A couple of quotes:
"Christian interpretations of the Bible do shift over time."
"All my research was proving to be enlightening and frustrating in equal measure. Why did the church keep getting things so wrong, over and over, constantly finding itself on the wrong side of justice? It had been wrong about the solar system, slavery, women, interracial marriage, and other civil rights. [...] My spiritual home, the evangelical church, always presented a position of certainty on theological issues, but I had to accept that it had consistently gotten things very wrong in years gone by."
A couple of quotes:
"Christian interpretations of the Bible do shift over time."
"All my research was proving to be enlightening and frustrating in equal measure. Why did the church keep getting things so wrong, over and over, constantly finding itself on the wrong side of justice? It had been wrong about the solar system, slavery, women, interracial marriage, and other civil rights. [...] My spiritual home, the evangelical church, always presented a position of certainty on theological issues, but I had to accept that it had consistently gotten things very wrong in years gone by."
July 11, 2018
A memoir to read. LGBTQ community you are not alone. I read this in one weekend. A quick read and a story everyoen in church should hear about. Love is love
September 1, 2018
I first came across Vicky Beeching about six or seven years ago, when I heard her speak about social media at the Greenbelt Festival. Her talk was full of positivity, passion and energy, and unlike many others within the Christian community at the time, she was excited by the possibilities offered by new technology. This echoed my own feelings, as I'd been a blogger for a long time by then, and had made many new friends through it. The talk made me interested in her work, so I kept an eye on what she was doing after that.
Not long afterwards, she spoke out publicly about same-sex marriage for the first time, voicing her support, which led to a lot of anger from more traditional Christians. Not long after that, in 2014, she came out, explaining she was gay, and had known about this since she was a teenager.
Coming-out stories are less of a big deal than they once were, and that's exactly the way it should be - most people now are far more comfortable with gay people than they were in the past, and I'm glad to have seen that change over the past thirty years or so. However, for Vicky it was an extremely big deal - she was an evangelical Christian, who made her living leading worship and making Christian music in American mega-churches. In this environment, being gay was just about the worst possible thing you could do. After Vicky came out, in her words "all hell broke loose" and her life was turned upside down. Many of her former friends and colleagues rejected her, she was swamped with hate mail, and had many threats made against her. The book is the story of how she worked out she was gay, how the church treated the issue, how she came to terms with it, and how she hopes things might change for gay Christians in the future.
It's a very sobering read. I'll admit that in my teens and twenties, when I was a fervent evangelical Christian, I was very black and white in my thinking about this and was absolutely convinced that homosexuality was very, very wrong. Unfortunately, this led me to treat a Christian friend who came out extremely badly indeed - it was abusive and homophobic, and although at the time I thought I was right, it was subsequently a turning point in my life as I realised how utterly wrong I'd been. It made me realise that my faith in a God of love had directly led me to act in a hateful, judgemental and aggressive way. Almost twenty years on, this is one of the biggest regrets of my life, and I learned some very important lessons. If faith in a loving God leads you to act in such a horrible way, there's a big problem somewhere.
A lot has happened since then, and I've subsequently left the church. However, I still have a lot of Christian friends, and my years in the church have certainly shaped me, so the book was hugely interesting. Vicky suffered very badly, and explains why very clearly - a lot of Christians are extremely uncompromising and very hung up about sex, and it can do a lot of damage. She demonstrates that it can be extremely damaging to straight people too. While she understands the need to "defend the gospel", she shows that Christian thought on many issues has changed over the years, and could change here too.
Despite everything, Vicky remains remarkably positive. She's had plenty of anger to work through, but she's very gracious and forgiving to people who, quite frankly, deserve to be named and shamed for what they've done. She's hopeful that same-sex marriage might be accepted among mainstream evangelicalism one day. I think that day is a long way off, but her decision to come out has clearly helped a lot of people that have suffered at the hands of the church. I think this book will help many more, but sadly I don't think the people who need to read it most will ever touch it. These are the people who need to see what their uncompromising, militant stance on sexuality does to people like Vicky. These are the people who spout hatred towards people who dare to question orthodoxy on sex and relationships, while the church turns a blind eye to the horrific suffering and injustice in the world. Talk about screwed up priorities - that's why I'm not there any more.
I think this is a very important book for a very wide audience, and long may the discussion around it continue. Personally, though, I think it confirms for me that I was right to turn my back on the church, and I won't be going back any time soon. Any institution that claims to act in love, yet destroys so many lives, doesn't deserve the respect the author gives it.
Not long afterwards, she spoke out publicly about same-sex marriage for the first time, voicing her support, which led to a lot of anger from more traditional Christians. Not long after that, in 2014, she came out, explaining she was gay, and had known about this since she was a teenager.
Coming-out stories are less of a big deal than they once were, and that's exactly the way it should be - most people now are far more comfortable with gay people than they were in the past, and I'm glad to have seen that change over the past thirty years or so. However, for Vicky it was an extremely big deal - she was an evangelical Christian, who made her living leading worship and making Christian music in American mega-churches. In this environment, being gay was just about the worst possible thing you could do. After Vicky came out, in her words "all hell broke loose" and her life was turned upside down. Many of her former friends and colleagues rejected her, she was swamped with hate mail, and had many threats made against her. The book is the story of how she worked out she was gay, how the church treated the issue, how she came to terms with it, and how she hopes things might change for gay Christians in the future.
It's a very sobering read. I'll admit that in my teens and twenties, when I was a fervent evangelical Christian, I was very black and white in my thinking about this and was absolutely convinced that homosexuality was very, very wrong. Unfortunately, this led me to treat a Christian friend who came out extremely badly indeed - it was abusive and homophobic, and although at the time I thought I was right, it was subsequently a turning point in my life as I realised how utterly wrong I'd been. It made me realise that my faith in a God of love had directly led me to act in a hateful, judgemental and aggressive way. Almost twenty years on, this is one of the biggest regrets of my life, and I learned some very important lessons. If faith in a loving God leads you to act in such a horrible way, there's a big problem somewhere.
A lot has happened since then, and I've subsequently left the church. However, I still have a lot of Christian friends, and my years in the church have certainly shaped me, so the book was hugely interesting. Vicky suffered very badly, and explains why very clearly - a lot of Christians are extremely uncompromising and very hung up about sex, and it can do a lot of damage. She demonstrates that it can be extremely damaging to straight people too. While she understands the need to "defend the gospel", she shows that Christian thought on many issues has changed over the years, and could change here too.
Despite everything, Vicky remains remarkably positive. She's had plenty of anger to work through, but she's very gracious and forgiving to people who, quite frankly, deserve to be named and shamed for what they've done. She's hopeful that same-sex marriage might be accepted among mainstream evangelicalism one day. I think that day is a long way off, but her decision to come out has clearly helped a lot of people that have suffered at the hands of the church. I think this book will help many more, but sadly I don't think the people who need to read it most will ever touch it. These are the people who need to see what their uncompromising, militant stance on sexuality does to people like Vicky. These are the people who spout hatred towards people who dare to question orthodoxy on sex and relationships, while the church turns a blind eye to the horrific suffering and injustice in the world. Talk about screwed up priorities - that's why I'm not there any more.
I think this is a very important book for a very wide audience, and long may the discussion around it continue. Personally, though, I think it confirms for me that I was right to turn my back on the church, and I won't be going back any time soon. Any institution that claims to act in love, yet destroys so many lives, doesn't deserve the respect the author gives it.
August 11, 2025
This is someone’s personal story that will feel relatable to anyone who’s ever gone from being an insider to an outsider in the church, regardless of the reason.
When I worked at a Christian radio station I would play Vicky Beeching’s music all the time. I was familiar with her songs, vaguely remembered she had come out as gay around the time my career in radio was coming to an end, but I had somehow missed that she had been diagnosed with the same illness I have: ME/CFS.
Even if you don’t relate to her illness, queerness or work in the Christian music industry at all, I think most Gen X and Millennial Christians will find this to be a relatable book. A lot of us were taught things in churches when we were young that we probably wouldn’t agree with or look at in a more nuanced way today. It can be a real battle to reconcile our experiences and views with our faith if we have been taught skewed interpretations of Bible verses. It’s a challenge to explore the Bible with fresh eyes, renew our minds and realize pastors and churches may have taught us the wrong things. Teachings that when they are perpetuated can make groups of people feel like outsiders and/or “not good enough”.
Beeching studied Theology at Oxford, so she’s not a dummy trying to twist Scripture to match her views. She’s someone who loves Jesus deeply and is eager to please God. I relate to that a lot and I loved how she went about studying Scripture and finding her way. I also found it shocking (though not surprising) to see how people turned on her when she came out as gay. It ended her career as a worship leader and artist, her speaking engagements came to a halt and she was on the receiving end of a lot of hatred and vitriol. I’m amazed she was able to respond with grace. I probably would have been outraged.
Beeching quotes Billy Graham to show what our place is when we do have differing beliefs within the church:
“It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, it’s God’s job to judge, and my job to love”.
I like that approach a lot. I love digging deep and discussing Scripture with people who have opposing views, but if you can’t see eye to eye in the end, we should love rather than judge. And rather than push people out of the church, as Vicky definitely had to experience, we should come together with all our diversity to worship one and the same God.
Anyways, this book surprised me in a good way. Vicky’s life is very different from my own but I feel like a kindred spirit. I’m also grateful for the book rec’s on ME/CFS that I got out of it.
When I worked at a Christian radio station I would play Vicky Beeching’s music all the time. I was familiar with her songs, vaguely remembered she had come out as gay around the time my career in radio was coming to an end, but I had somehow missed that she had been diagnosed with the same illness I have: ME/CFS.
Even if you don’t relate to her illness, queerness or work in the Christian music industry at all, I think most Gen X and Millennial Christians will find this to be a relatable book. A lot of us were taught things in churches when we were young that we probably wouldn’t agree with or look at in a more nuanced way today. It can be a real battle to reconcile our experiences and views with our faith if we have been taught skewed interpretations of Bible verses. It’s a challenge to explore the Bible with fresh eyes, renew our minds and realize pastors and churches may have taught us the wrong things. Teachings that when they are perpetuated can make groups of people feel like outsiders and/or “not good enough”.
Beeching studied Theology at Oxford, so she’s not a dummy trying to twist Scripture to match her views. She’s someone who loves Jesus deeply and is eager to please God. I relate to that a lot and I loved how she went about studying Scripture and finding her way. I also found it shocking (though not surprising) to see how people turned on her when she came out as gay. It ended her career as a worship leader and artist, her speaking engagements came to a halt and she was on the receiving end of a lot of hatred and vitriol. I’m amazed she was able to respond with grace. I probably would have been outraged.
Beeching quotes Billy Graham to show what our place is when we do have differing beliefs within the church:
“It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, it’s God’s job to judge, and my job to love”.
I like that approach a lot. I love digging deep and discussing Scripture with people who have opposing views, but if you can’t see eye to eye in the end, we should love rather than judge. And rather than push people out of the church, as Vicky definitely had to experience, we should come together with all our diversity to worship one and the same God.
Anyways, this book surprised me in a good way. Vicky’s life is very different from my own but I feel like a kindred spirit. I’m also grateful for the book rec’s on ME/CFS that I got out of it.
June 12, 2018
Disclaimer: I was provided with an advance copy of this book in exchange for a review.
Coming out, even just to yourself, isn’t easy. Coming out publicly must be utterly nerve shredding. But coming out when you are a Christian music superstar? And then writing a book about it? That takes a whole new level of courage.
I have been looking forward to reading this book since Vicky’s coming out interview in The Independent in August 2014, as there was a clearly a lot more to her story than could be told in one article.
I found this more detailed version of her story startlingly honest and fiercely brave – often raw in its openness and vulnerability. Having spent this time in her company, so to speak, I am left with the impression that this is how Vicky would be in real life. This makes it even more unbearable that she felt she had to keep so much of herself hidden for so long, with such painful consequences.
The book itself is utterly absorbing especially when discussing Vicky’s field of study – theology - unsurprisingly her writing is methodical, thoughtful and has the ability to bring the reader along with her. Her arguments are logical and compelling; I found myself wanting to read more of her writing, especially this theological side.
Given how painful (and often shocking) some of the events related here are, I found the overall tone to be relentlessly optimistic - in a positive way - and ever hopeful.
It is this combination of honesty, bravery for telling such a painful story and hope that gives this book the potential to change hearts and minds. Vicky herself said that she wanted to write a book that she wished she could have read as a teenager, discovering her own sexuality. This book speaks to those teenagers and, I really hope, those who deal with them on a daily basis, as a clear demonstration of the damage that can be caused by keeping a secret bottled up.
It also speaks of the power of family, faith and friends to help find a place of healing and wholeness.
It’s not often that I find myself finishing a book and knowing I am going to read it again soon, but this book doesn’t seem to have found its way onto the bookshelf just yet.
Coming out, even just to yourself, isn’t easy. Coming out publicly must be utterly nerve shredding. But coming out when you are a Christian music superstar? And then writing a book about it? That takes a whole new level of courage.
I have been looking forward to reading this book since Vicky’s coming out interview in The Independent in August 2014, as there was a clearly a lot more to her story than could be told in one article.
I found this more detailed version of her story startlingly honest and fiercely brave – often raw in its openness and vulnerability. Having spent this time in her company, so to speak, I am left with the impression that this is how Vicky would be in real life. This makes it even more unbearable that she felt she had to keep so much of herself hidden for so long, with such painful consequences.
The book itself is utterly absorbing especially when discussing Vicky’s field of study – theology - unsurprisingly her writing is methodical, thoughtful and has the ability to bring the reader along with her. Her arguments are logical and compelling; I found myself wanting to read more of her writing, especially this theological side.
Given how painful (and often shocking) some of the events related here are, I found the overall tone to be relentlessly optimistic - in a positive way - and ever hopeful.
It is this combination of honesty, bravery for telling such a painful story and hope that gives this book the potential to change hearts and minds. Vicky herself said that she wanted to write a book that she wished she could have read as a teenager, discovering her own sexuality. This book speaks to those teenagers and, I really hope, those who deal with them on a daily basis, as a clear demonstration of the damage that can be caused by keeping a secret bottled up.
It also speaks of the power of family, faith and friends to help find a place of healing and wholeness.
It’s not often that I find myself finishing a book and knowing I am going to read it again soon, but this book doesn’t seem to have found its way onto the bookshelf just yet.
October 11, 2020
Despite growing up in the conservative Christian and evangelical communities, I had not heard of Vicky Beeching, but I listened to a few of her songs after reading this and got sucker punched back in time when that style of music was very familiar to me.
I rated this a 5 star even though I think it dragged a bit at the end, and could have used a bit more editorial tightening, and there were a few phrases and writing cliques were repeated and scattered through out the book that presumably editors are suppose to catch?
Vicky details with grace and clarity her life as a prominent member of the CCM world and her struggle to hide and overcome her gayness. Her explanations of the church's traditional teachings and specifically those if the evangelicals are clear and simple for those who are unfamiliar with them. She walks us through her long and painful reconciliation of her faith with her sexuality through her theological studies. She also addresses some of the harmful practices of the church, including the "Purity Movement", and the damaging views of the church holds regarding mental health, depression and chronic illness.
I think what stuck with me most is the encouraged practice of conservative and evangelical Christians to not seek further afield than their own groups for answers or questions and to maintain a circle of confirmation bias. Vicky explains how she went to Oxford and chose an evangelical collage, group of friend and peers in an attempt to protect herself and her faith from all the "others" that would surely have false doctrine and sinful lifestyles. She exposes a theology and practice of fear and hate among so many, but specifically the evangelicals, while maintaining grace and love for the many people she still loves and respects among them.
I rated this a 5 star even though I think it dragged a bit at the end, and could have used a bit more editorial tightening, and there were a few phrases and writing cliques were repeated and scattered through out the book that presumably editors are suppose to catch?
Vicky details with grace and clarity her life as a prominent member of the CCM world and her struggle to hide and overcome her gayness. Her explanations of the church's traditional teachings and specifically those if the evangelicals are clear and simple for those who are unfamiliar with them. She walks us through her long and painful reconciliation of her faith with her sexuality through her theological studies. She also addresses some of the harmful practices of the church, including the "Purity Movement", and the damaging views of the church holds regarding mental health, depression and chronic illness.
I think what stuck with me most is the encouraged practice of conservative and evangelical Christians to not seek further afield than their own groups for answers or questions and to maintain a circle of confirmation bias. Vicky explains how she went to Oxford and chose an evangelical collage, group of friend and peers in an attempt to protect herself and her faith from all the "others" that would surely have false doctrine and sinful lifestyles. She exposes a theology and practice of fear and hate among so many, but specifically the evangelicals, while maintaining grace and love for the many people she still loves and respects among them.
Read
April 20, 2022i scrolled to see what people say about this and noticed the ones giving two stars are giving thinly veiled homophobia holier than thou attitude. anyway!
not a review, just thoughts:
my parents didn't have a religion. they raised me without one. they let my siblings choose for themselves (and they did because our cousins' christian influences) some of what was said in here kinda flew over my head a bit. the parts where i understood more, i felt for her. wish the writing was more in depth for the moments she went through. this was the second memoir that talked about shame and fear. and this was the second time in a week i teared up. i felt frustrated reading at how the very same people who preached love can be so blindly cruel, so stupendously stubborn in their so called "theology". and i teared up when the author talked about the possible correlation on how years of shame, guilt, and fear manifest in bodily illnesses a lot more among the lgbt community. regardless of sexuality, women are shamed on the topic of sex to the point it manifests physically in sexual moments or result in an illness. i feel angry for us.
“..having feelings of shame or guilt around sex could contribute to vaginismus.”
i want to hug all of us. i want to shake these cruel people and their made up cages they created to control us, to affect us negatively for years to come. i wish all the peace and health to vicky beeching. may we all continue to become truer and freer versions of ourselves.
not a review, just thoughts:
my parents didn't have a religion. they raised me without one. they let my siblings choose for themselves (and they did because our cousins' christian influences) some of what was said in here kinda flew over my head a bit. the parts where i understood more, i felt for her. wish the writing was more in depth for the moments she went through. this was the second memoir that talked about shame and fear. and this was the second time in a week i teared up. i felt frustrated reading at how the very same people who preached love can be so blindly cruel, so stupendously stubborn in their so called "theology". and i teared up when the author talked about the possible correlation on how years of shame, guilt, and fear manifest in bodily illnesses a lot more among the lgbt community. regardless of sexuality, women are shamed on the topic of sex to the point it manifests physically in sexual moments or result in an illness. i feel angry for us.
“..having feelings of shame or guilt around sex could contribute to vaginismus.”
i want to hug all of us. i want to shake these cruel people and their made up cages they created to control us, to affect us negatively for years to come. i wish all the peace and health to vicky beeching. may we all continue to become truer and freer versions of ourselves.
September 9, 2018
I thought this was a really well written memoir. It has given me lots to think about with regards my own lingering internalised homophobia - which has never been about "what the bible says" (I was fortunate to have at least patchy access to the internet and a keen interest in biblical scholarship by my mid-teens, and one of the first things I looked up (after socialism and feminism!) was what the bible did and didn't say about sexuality) but possibly more around acceptance/rejection of parental and community figures and how deeply ingrained some of my most formative experiences of rejection are - but I also think it is a lot more complicated than this... and I haven't quite figured it out yet. I have written a several paged tome (!) about it today and will keep going back to it as part of my current move towards viewing myself as a person and caring for myself. Anyway, I am grateful for the book even as it created more questions for me than answers (something I think Vicky would be glad of!).
I admire how Vicky has dealt with the stream of hatred coming her way and I also worry for her and hope that she is able to get enough breaks from it with people who truly love her. The strongest of people would find what she has done, and is doing, exhausting. I hope she is ok and getting loads of TLC behind the scenes, unlike in the days of touring megachurches whilst closeted ('ouch' is an understatement..).
I hope that lots of people read this book and realise the sins of the church where it comes to hatred and/or marginalisation of LGBT people - how many of us have suffered physically and emotionally (and how many LGBT folks stick around in churches which tolerate them at best and spiritually abuse them at worst - is it right that they stay? Honestly, I don't know. Am glad for my local c of e churches who have all decided to take on the inclusive church statement recently). I think it's amazing how Vicky hasn't given up on evangelicalism and holds a torch of hope still for those who continue to slam doors in her face. Her light is going to help so many to find a way through and back to God who have been hurt by the church or by themselves. Thanks Vicky!
I admire how Vicky has dealt with the stream of hatred coming her way and I also worry for her and hope that she is able to get enough breaks from it with people who truly love her. The strongest of people would find what she has done, and is doing, exhausting. I hope she is ok and getting loads of TLC behind the scenes, unlike in the days of touring megachurches whilst closeted ('ouch' is an understatement..).
I hope that lots of people read this book and realise the sins of the church where it comes to hatred and/or marginalisation of LGBT people - how many of us have suffered physically and emotionally (and how many LGBT folks stick around in churches which tolerate them at best and spiritually abuse them at worst - is it right that they stay? Honestly, I don't know. Am glad for my local c of e churches who have all decided to take on the inclusive church statement recently). I think it's amazing how Vicky hasn't given up on evangelicalism and holds a torch of hope still for those who continue to slam doors in her face. Her light is going to help so many to find a way through and back to God who have been hurt by the church or by themselves. Thanks Vicky!
January 31, 2019
A page turner!
Vicky's evangelical upbringing and subsequent career as a worship leader and role-model for others growing up in the evangelical tradition meant that she stood to loose everything when she finally came out as gay. It's not that she hid being gay in order to benefit from her success as a Christian music artist, it's that she believed feeling attracted to other women was a grave sin that she was constantly trying to atone for.
Hiding our true selves and living under enormous stress indefinitely takes its toll physically and mentally and this was exactly the case for Vicky.
She captures the desperation, the distress and the shame and I was willing her to find the passages of enlightenment from the bible when she was craving acceptance - not only in God's eyes but in her own. I was shocked and sad that much of the prejudice and discrimination is still so current in some sections of Christianity.
The writing was both honest and engaging throughout - no matter what you views or beliefs this is a compelling read that has attracted both praise and criticism.
Vicky's evangelical upbringing and subsequent career as a worship leader and role-model for others growing up in the evangelical tradition meant that she stood to loose everything when she finally came out as gay. It's not that she hid being gay in order to benefit from her success as a Christian music artist, it's that she believed feeling attracted to other women was a grave sin that she was constantly trying to atone for.
Hiding our true selves and living under enormous stress indefinitely takes its toll physically and mentally and this was exactly the case for Vicky.
She captures the desperation, the distress and the shame and I was willing her to find the passages of enlightenment from the bible when she was craving acceptance - not only in God's eyes but in her own. I was shocked and sad that much of the prejudice and discrimination is still so current in some sections of Christianity.
The writing was both honest and engaging throughout - no matter what you views or beliefs this is a compelling read that has attracted both praise and criticism.
January 18, 2025
I mean I won't sugarcoat it, this book is harsh. It cuts to the core and asks the reader to look at the world of evangelical Christianity with an intentional eye, uncovering the dark side of things like the CCM world and the grueling pressures put on believers in the public eye. But throughout the book, Beeching really stays true to her convictions, openly explaining the place she came from and the place she is now as an affirming gay Christian. Like I said in an earlier review, she pulls no punches. But she is overwhelminglying aware of the grace by which she is saved and that never wavers.
I've given this book to 3 different people at this point, and will continue to recommend it to those I love.
4 stars just because it could have gone deeper into some topics and it gets HEAVY at the end. This 2nd read around, I found myself grieving with the author a little too heavily, but that is probably just circumstance.
I've given this book to 3 different people at this point, and will continue to recommend it to those I love.
4 stars just because it could have gone deeper into some topics and it gets HEAVY at the end. This 2nd read around, I found myself grieving with the author a little too heavily, but that is probably just circumstance.
June 28, 2018
Although not everyone is on board, attitudes towards LGBTQ persons are changing, and changing quickly. The Supreme Court ruling a few years back, legalizing same-sex marriage across the country, a move that has wide support in the United States, was a game changer. There are still signs of resistance. Bakers, wedding sites, and churches, but there really is no turning back. On the religious side of things, the question of what the Bible has to say about same-sex marriage and LGBTQ relationships has been well-litigated. When it comes to same-sex marriage, most of what the Bible has to say can be applied to both same-sex and opposite sex marriages (see my book Marriage in Interesting Times: A Participatory Study Guide So what is really needed is testimonies from LGBTQ persons, their family members, and their allies.
Undivided by Vicky Beeching is one of those needed testimonies. What memoirs like this do is humanize the "issue." It is one thing to discuss the topic in the abstract, pulling this or that scripture into the conversation. It is another to see how real people wrestle with their sexuality and the communities that form their understandings of their own sexuality. After my brother came out, I found reading Mel White's Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America to be most helpful. The fact that he had been a professor at the seminary I was a graduate of, and that he had pastored the church I once attended, opened my eyes. His story made clear that this is not something one "chooses." No one would go through the trauma he went through to "overcome" his sense that he was gay by choice. Vicky Beeching's memoir has the same feel as Mel White's. Their stories are different, but the core message is similar. The church's message that homosexuality is sinful and contrary to God's design has proven to be damaging to the lives of so many LGBTQ Christians.
I agreed to review this book by Vicky Beeching, though I was unfamiliar with her. Before coming out as a lesbian Christian, she was well known in evangelical circles as a worship leader, musician, and song writer. That Harper Collins chose to publish her memoir suggests that she is fairly well known. My lack of familiarity with her life and music likely stems from the fact taht I haven't been attuned to the Christian music scene for some time -- I am more familiar with Larry Norman and Sandy Patty than those who have emerged in the past two decades. Nonetheless, I chose to read and review this book because I am interested in well-told testimonies told by Christians who happen to be gay or lesbian or bi-sexual or transgender. I am especially interested in the stories of those who come out of the evangelical world, and whose theology is evangelically oriented.
I won't share her complete story, because you need to read it for yourself. But here is the gist of the story. Vicky Beeching was a beloved Christian musician and song-writer, whose songs were being sung in churches across the world. She grew up Pentecostal in England. She felt called to a ministry of music at a young age. She wanted to use her gifts at songwriting and music to share the gospel and lead people in worship. That sense of call was complicated by a sense that she was attracted to girls rather than boys (at a very young age). She knew she was different, but she also knew that her faith community condemned same-sex relationships as sinful. Like many in her situation, she tried to suppress this identity, believing it to be evil. She bought into the message, even as she knew it didn't make sense. She would go on to study Bible and Theology at Oxford, while continuing in music ministry. That led to a move to Nashville, and more open doors. Again, she had to suppress her sense of identity to fulfill her dreams. But this aching sense that she was gay wouldn't go away. Like many gay Christians, she contemplated suicide.
In time, she discovered she could no longer stay in the closet. She had never pursued relationships with women, even as she turned away numerous men who were interested in her. Finally, as she entered her mid 30s and her health deteriorated, she could no longer remain in the closet. I will leave it to your reading to discover what happened next, but I think you can figure this out.
Her life has changed dramatically. The focus of her energies and her ministry have changed. She is still struggling to deal with decades of teaching that condemned her own sense of identity. The subtitle of the book speaks of "coming out, becoming whole, and living free from shame." I sense that this is a work in process, but she has made the turn and is ready to speak out for herself and others like herself.
If you have some knowledge of her music, and are trying to figure out how to make sense of the change of attitudes in our society and in parts of the church, perhaps this will speak to you. While she does address biblical and theological matters, and is in the process of earning a PhD in theology and sexuality from Durham University, it is the personal elements that will speak. It is the sense of shame that her context brought on that will speak. Even if you don't know her back story, I believe that this book will provide insight for those who are beginning to see a new day for the church, society, and for all who define themselves as being part of the LGBTQ community. Take and read.
Undivided by Vicky Beeching is one of those needed testimonies. What memoirs like this do is humanize the "issue." It is one thing to discuss the topic in the abstract, pulling this or that scripture into the conversation. It is another to see how real people wrestle with their sexuality and the communities that form their understandings of their own sexuality. After my brother came out, I found reading Mel White's Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America to be most helpful. The fact that he had been a professor at the seminary I was a graduate of, and that he had pastored the church I once attended, opened my eyes. His story made clear that this is not something one "chooses." No one would go through the trauma he went through to "overcome" his sense that he was gay by choice. Vicky Beeching's memoir has the same feel as Mel White's. Their stories are different, but the core message is similar. The church's message that homosexuality is sinful and contrary to God's design has proven to be damaging to the lives of so many LGBTQ Christians.
I agreed to review this book by Vicky Beeching, though I was unfamiliar with her. Before coming out as a lesbian Christian, she was well known in evangelical circles as a worship leader, musician, and song writer. That Harper Collins chose to publish her memoir suggests that she is fairly well known. My lack of familiarity with her life and music likely stems from the fact taht I haven't been attuned to the Christian music scene for some time -- I am more familiar with Larry Norman and Sandy Patty than those who have emerged in the past two decades. Nonetheless, I chose to read and review this book because I am interested in well-told testimonies told by Christians who happen to be gay or lesbian or bi-sexual or transgender. I am especially interested in the stories of those who come out of the evangelical world, and whose theology is evangelically oriented.
I won't share her complete story, because you need to read it for yourself. But here is the gist of the story. Vicky Beeching was a beloved Christian musician and song-writer, whose songs were being sung in churches across the world. She grew up Pentecostal in England. She felt called to a ministry of music at a young age. She wanted to use her gifts at songwriting and music to share the gospel and lead people in worship. That sense of call was complicated by a sense that she was attracted to girls rather than boys (at a very young age). She knew she was different, but she also knew that her faith community condemned same-sex relationships as sinful. Like many in her situation, she tried to suppress this identity, believing it to be evil. She bought into the message, even as she knew it didn't make sense. She would go on to study Bible and Theology at Oxford, while continuing in music ministry. That led to a move to Nashville, and more open doors. Again, she had to suppress her sense of identity to fulfill her dreams. But this aching sense that she was gay wouldn't go away. Like many gay Christians, she contemplated suicide.
In time, she discovered she could no longer stay in the closet. She had never pursued relationships with women, even as she turned away numerous men who were interested in her. Finally, as she entered her mid 30s and her health deteriorated, she could no longer remain in the closet. I will leave it to your reading to discover what happened next, but I think you can figure this out.
Her life has changed dramatically. The focus of her energies and her ministry have changed. She is still struggling to deal with decades of teaching that condemned her own sense of identity. The subtitle of the book speaks of "coming out, becoming whole, and living free from shame." I sense that this is a work in process, but she has made the turn and is ready to speak out for herself and others like herself.
If you have some knowledge of her music, and are trying to figure out how to make sense of the change of attitudes in our society and in parts of the church, perhaps this will speak to you. While she does address biblical and theological matters, and is in the process of earning a PhD in theology and sexuality from Durham University, it is the personal elements that will speak. It is the sense of shame that her context brought on that will speak. Even if you don't know her back story, I believe that this book will provide insight for those who are beginning to see a new day for the church, society, and for all who define themselves as being part of the LGBTQ community. Take and read.
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