The Heart Is a Shifting Sea: Love and Marriage in Mumbai – An Intimate Work of Reportage on Three Couples in India

by Elizabeth Flock

"Elizabeth Flock takes us on an intimate cruise on the shifting sea of the heart, in the best book set in Bombay that I've read in years. Flock's total access to her characters, and her highly sympathetic and nonjudgmental gaze, prove that love and literature know no borders. Easily the most intimate account of India that I've read, and of value to anybody that believes in love and marriage."—Suketu Mehta, author of Maximum City

"This remarkable debut is so deeply reported, elegantly written, and profoundly transporting that it reads like a novel you can’t put down. It’s both a nuanced and intimate evocation of Indian culture, and a provocative and exciting meditation on marriage itself."—Katie Roiphe, author of The Violet Hour

In the vein of Behind the Beautiful Forevers, an intimate, deeply reported and revelatory examination of love, marriage, and the state of modern India—as witnessed through the lives of three very different couples in today’s Mumbai.

In twenty-first-century India, tradition is colliding with Western culture, a clash that touches the lives of everyday Indians from the wealthiest to the poorest. While ethnicity, class, and religion are influencing the nation’s development, so too are pop culture and technology—an uneasy fusion whose impact is most evident in the institution of marriage.

The Heart Is a Shifting Sea introduces three couples whose relationships illuminate these sweeping cultural shifts in dramatic ways: Veer and Maya, a forward-thinking professional couple whose union is tested by Maya’s desire for independence; Shahzad and Sabeena, whose desperation for a child becomes entwined with the changing face of Islam; and Ashok and Parvati, whose arranged marriage, made possible by an online matchmaker, blossoms into true love. Though these three middle-class couples are at different stages in their lives and come from diverse religious backgrounds, their stories build on one another to present a layered, nuanced, and fascinating mosaic of the universal challenges, possibilities, and promise of matrimony in its present state.

Elizabeth Flock has observed the evolving state of India from inside Mumbai, its largest metropolis. She spent close to a decade getting to know these couples—listening to their stories and living in their homes, where she was privy to countless moments of marital joy, inevitable frustration, dramatic upheaval, and whispered confessions and secrets. The result is a phenomenal feat of reportage that is both an enthralling portrait of a nation in the midst of transition and an unforgettable look at the universal mysteries of love and marriage that connect us all.

Genres: Nonfiction, India, Book Club, Audiobook, Biography, Marriage, Cultural

389 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 6, 2018

Reviews

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This non-fiction novel is a close-up look at the marriages of three couples in Mumbai, India. Their marriages are set against the backdrop of a changing India. As the author explains, India is undergoing political, economic, urban, social and cultural revolutions simultaneously. The changes to cities and people are upending traditional Indian marriages.

Shazhad and Sabeena are Muslims, which is a minority in India. They are the oldest and their chapters cover to longest period of time, 1983 to 2015. Veer and Maya are Marwari Hindus. Their chapters cover 1999 to 2015. Ashok and Parvati are the youngest and are Tamil Brahmin Hindus, the highest caste in India. Their chapters cover 2009 to 2015.

I enjoyed getting to know these couples and their stories. I am fascinated by all things Asian, especially India. To some degree, marital challenges are universal. Personality conflicts, family issues, learning to compromise, parenting – those kinds of issues are faced by most married people. The most interesting thing to me was experiencing the cultural, religious and societal twists that India adds to marriage. Arranged marriages, family roles and expectations, issues of caste, Muslim vs. Hindu, the treatment of women in India – add all that and more into the mix, and you have some very different and complicated situations.

A 3.5 for me. Rounding up because I really enjoyed everything I learned about modern India.

[Muhan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I discovered this book via a New York Times review which praised it for the author’s painstaking research and attention to detail in comparison to another book on similar issues of marriage in present-day China. I agree that the research was rigorous - but perhaps to a fault.

The basic premise of this book is that the author, as a young American journalist working in Mumbai ten years ago, got to know and began shadowing three couples of different cultural/religious backgrounds and personal situations. The author, Elizabeth Flock, writes in her own voice in the preface only, where she states that all accounts described were either recounted to her or experienced with her in the room. In the rest of the book both her voice and her presence (both physically in partaking in a specific moment and in every recounted moment as the writer/narrator) are completely effaced - something which was novel and made me feel closer to the 6 lead “characters” at first but quickly became distracting as I became increasingly uncomfortable with the intimacy of the accounts. In particular, Flock’s unclear relationship (friends? coworkers?) to each of these characters is never revealed to us, making it difficult to know the level of authority she has to tell their stories sensitively and faithfully. In addition is Flock’s profound distance from her subjects: I come away with no doubt of Flock’s work ethic and journalistic experience, but still question how her two-year stint in Mumbai and a brief return in 2014/2015 for the purposes of researching this book can make her an authority on contemporary love in India, or even just Mumbai, or even still just these three couples.

I am glad Flock mostly refrains from overarching summations of diverse experiences of marriage and romance in India today, and approve that she consistently defers her detailed account to the six primary subjects personal experiences. However, as illuminating as Flock’s relentlessly detailed account of these three couple’s entire love lives (literally from start to around 2015) may be, it is impossible for her, as the writer of their stories, to not have manipulated them in her retelling. It is therefore not necessarily the intimate details of the couples’ (whose names were all changed for privacy reasons) fights, fertility issues, sex lives, and so on that bothered me, but the erasure of Flock’s voice and how she came to know the pieces of such incredibly intimate information that she doles out with every bit the snappy efficiency and stylings of a journalist.

Flock’s journalistic background came in handy for me as a reader with little knowledge of India (in any capacity), as she frequently and for the most part seamlessly segued from the narrative to brief summaries on the relevant customs, histories, and etc. Nevertheless, I ultimately found that the organization of the stories dragged and the chapters became less and less cohesive. The sections bounce back and forth chronologically between the three couples over the course of each major stage of their relationships. How Flock chose to section off these stages becomes murky, but my major issue was simply that there wasn’t really any point to each chapter. Flock simply trounced out, in a put-on of an objective perspective (the finer issues of which I’ve already outlined), the excruciatingly detailed problems facing each member of each couple. The initial chapters introducing us to the 6 main “characters” were quite well-done, and made very clever but reserved use of poetic license, but this ultimately left the book as we reached the halfway point.

I would recommend the first of half of this book; the second half I would skim. Quickly.

Purchased eBook, Books app.

Check out more of my reviews on my website! https://readwithmu.com/
And find me on Instagram :) https://www.instagram.com/readwithmu/

[Lisa (NY) · Rating 4 out of 5]

[3.7 stars] Through the stories of three couples, The Heart is a Shifting Sea provides a fascinating snapshot of the shifting roles of men and women in India. Even those entering "love" marriages have so many obstacles to overcome - caste, social status, religion, money, the stars, education. Two of the three women in the book are highly educated, yet are still expected to fulfill traditional marriage roles.

I often felt exasperated by the fatalistic approach the couples portrayed had towards their lives. Perhaps because they felt powerless to fully choose their partners? Several of them are childish in their extra-marital infatuations, reminding me more of pre-teens than adults. I don't know how Flock managed to get such an intimate look at these marriages, but it is quite an accomplishment.

[Lance Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It's rare – and brilliant – to see a subject like marriage (and love, and heartache, and domestic disharmony) receive such a serious and considered journalistic treatment.

[Jeanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is 4.5 star. Very close to a 5 star but I can't round it up because it so very long. It took me about twice as long to read too, as a fiction or most other non-fiction book with as many pages. Because I don't understand the context for so many Hindu or other ethnic clothing designations and other food or structure word descriptions- I often had to slow down. Slow way, way down. And I looked a few of them up too. But STILL! This is so immersed in current Mumbai (Bombay and the city is called by both names in this book) that it's like a octopus with 24 instead of 8 arms. With each arm embedded within another cultural aspect or condition for this place in these times.

And that combination of "eyes" for this is absolutely enthralling. It was for me. Other than within the books of Thrity Umrigar (a favorite author), which are fiction- I've never across another piece of work/ material that sets the culture, society, dictates, individual choices and much else that is now designated "social" issues (like women's "self-identity") as does this book. Not in such a personal way and sense. But never only in two or three sets of eyes but in 6 sets of eyes. And of the myriad connections of other "eyes" to all 6 of the main subjects. Three sets of married couples. It sounds so simple.

No it isn't.

Because I myself come from a cultural background with some of the identical dictates (especially for what women or girls do NOT do)- I found this was a book for which I slowed down enough to reread sections.

I'm fairly sure that most Western civilization cultures of 2018 are comprised of women (all age spans too) which can't truly hold a cognition for the depth of "family" that this book describes and implies as central to the culture. Family as identity. Not individually cored at all. Money, support of lodging, work patterns, educational dictates, dress, mobility (and that was the crux for me), life partners and spouses, and especially final decision of pecking order are all set into "family" and not into the individual's onus. Or of their possible directions or desires.

And in these cases (actually quite exactly like my Mother's)the role of religion was also pivotal. A "love" match is one thing, but not across ethnic or religious boundaries. Just not acceptable. Cut off as if you were dead, is the most likely result. Without a safety net. Any kind of safety net.

And also, the book became at most points of most anxious personal descriptions, very sad. Incredibly sad. And I have not read any reviews yet- but for the MEN as much as for the women. Men who are core pivotal for nearly every aspect of lineage, work directions, location of habitat and hierarchy under THEIR parents after marriage in this society.

This period in India for this economic and luckier caste examples set here! It reminds me very much of my Mother's coming from one set of world's values to another's. And also for much of what happened in the USA during the 1950's and 1960's when nearly every social norm convulsed. Not only the sexual at all. But how work happened or where people lived too. (Myself was always with a grandparent or at a grandparent's "building"- although it was maternal line.) Individual marriage family not being the core unit much at all. So that's where you get the evil mother-in-law or father-in-law Cinderella stories. And dictates were dictates. I do remember. Husband/ wife dictates were secondary in my history too then. So I do understand this cognition to "good" or "bad" family behavior. It's still majority of the world true, IMHO.

This book also taught me some history I had not known, although I know more than the average reader about Indian past and partitions in particular. I did not know as much about that horrible riot time between Hindu and Muslim quite after the partition- and this book is expansive in the telling.

To this day I can not understand how my peers in the USA treat their parents. Or how they can set themselves so much "aside" in their last aged needs as most do. When you come from a self-definition of "good child" or "good daughter or good son" which means something entirely different from the norm of how most define that condition today?? It's hard to explain to people, even my own children- what that is.

A rebellion against the parental dictates for these women is not what most readers of western or modern "eyes" believe it would be or could be either. I completely understand their paths.

But what was most revealing to me was the dichotomies and the core frailties of the husbands' ignorance or non-knowledge for the roles they were set to play or were required to play.

There are immense numbers of Veer's in every culture. A husband like him, IMHO- they are endemic to nearly all cultures worldwide. Seated in work and closed off to others- not just to wife. And the other husbands, not that unusual either.

The other core of "feeling" that this book left with me? And what I'm thinking about after the endings? How their servant and poor are just used and accepted as a norm for use and conditions. No food stamps, no sanitation, no doctoring much at all until "the end". And yet- all that education in higher spheres for majority of the people of both sexes in our sample marriages here?

[Emma Deplores Goodreads Censorship · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

An interesting work of journalistic nonfiction, tracing the ups and downs in the relationships of three married couples in Mumbai, up through 2015. I basically liked it, because I like this sort of thing, but it’s not the best journalistic nonfiction I’ve read, and a stronger thesis might have improved it substantially.

On the positive side, if you like real-life stories, these are interesting ones, with the messiness and individuality that come from writing about real people and tend to get washed out in fiction. The six people involved clearly trusted the author a lot, as this chronicle of their lives really digs into their inner experiences and feelings about their relationships (though everyone uses pseudonyms, I can’t help wondering what their spouses and families think about it!). There’s also some diversity in the couples portrayed: two are Hindu, one Muslim; the oldest are in their 50s when the book ends, the youngest around 30. One couple has a child, one is expecting at the end and one is definitely infertile. One is a love marriage, one an old-school arranged marriage, and the third arranged but with some dating to make sure they actually want to do this. They all have struggles, though to varying degrees (interestingly, the love marriage seems to be the rockiest).

That said, while the writing style is certainly competent, the level of insight and analysis could have been stronger. I finished the book with a bit of an “okay, but what was the point?” reaction, which is odd because so much of why I read is just to see how other people experience their lives—I like biographies of regular people whose lives are very different from my own. I recently read a book like this but focused on five Victorian couples, and liked it a lot. But that author was willing to comment where this one isn’t; it also helps that those stories are definitively over, whereas this book ends at the arbitrary moment that the author needed to wrap up her research, with each of these marriages seemingly at a crossroads but without the opportunity for readers to see how they’ll play out. And on the journalistic continuum of “suffocatingly present” to “artificially invisible” Flock isn’t in this book at all, although she was apparently present for at least some of these scenes, which must have had some effect. I don’t think there’s one right way to do this, but her own undisclosed degree of involvement in her subjects’ lives perhaps inhibits her drawing conclusions about them. And without some conclusions, it’s easy to wonder: “but what is the purpose of these incomplete stories?”

That’s a little harsh, one always learns a bit more about the world by reading other people’s stories, and I don’t regret reading this. It’s a window into experiences I wouldn’t otherwise have known, and I basically enjoyed my time with it. But it wouldn’t be the first I’d recommend.

[Shraddha Chakradhar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so sad to have finished this book—Flock does an excellent job of providing vignettes of the lives of the characters, and wish I could see how the rest of their lives play out.

As a TamBrahm who is from Chennai but spends much of her visits to India in Mumbai, this book was like a homecoming. Such vivid descriptions of both cities, of the drama and expectations that come with Indian families—I felt like I was back home. The interspersed Hindi and Tamil were also great for nostalgia!

I initially thought that this book might draw a broader picture of marriages in India today, but that is not at all the case, and happily so. It’s the story of the three couples profiled in the piece. Could there be takeaways about marriage in Mumbai as a whole? Sure, but Flock is careful not to generalize in the least.

As a journalist, I’m still marveling at the novel-like feel to what is clearly nonfiction. I’m aspiring to be one of those storyteller-reporters, so there are a lot of great lessons in here about scene setting, character development and chronological writing, to name a few. If I could have an extensive sit-down with Flock, I’m sure I could also learn a lot on the art of interviewing.

All in all, a delight to read. I’m looking at this book through my own particular lens, but given the universality of “love and marriage,” I’d hope that there’s something in here for everyone.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like nothing I've read. This is a non-fiction portrait of three marriages (both "love" and arranged) that feels like a piece of fiction. I found myself pulling for these couples who—for one reason or another—got married for the wrong reasons. With simple elegance, Flock gives us an India (and its culture) that's somehow attractive despite the warts. If you haven't been, you'll want to go. Immensely enjoyable.

[Jon Higgins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love it, and it’s an impressive repertorial work, but oddly (given its subject) lacks emotional resonance. Might work better recast as a novel.

[Anukriti Malik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating 3.5/5
Full review to be up soon..

[Pavitra (For The Love of Fictional Worlds) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Also Posted on For The Love of Fictional Worlds

Disclaimer: A physical copy was provided via Bloomsbury Indiain exchange for an honest review. The Thoughts, opinions & feelings expressed in the review are therefore, my own.

Mumbai is the city of dreams; a city that never sleeps and the city that never stops – and I do not know if the author could have picked another city to be the foundation of the book that is all about the hopes and dreams of human beings!

As soon as you start off the book, its easy to see the hold the city has on the author & the love that the author has given back to it!

Love and Marriage in Mumbai talks about three different couples, in quite different stages of their relationship, their lives and their marriage – and weaving across their stories, are the different aspects of relationships that will endear themselves to you!

Here’s the God’s honest truth – every aspect of love and marriage, relationships that you will, is something that you will yourself experience – if not now, then one day – that’s the universal truth of the words written on the pages.  

But what sets this book apart from so many others about India is that there is no judgmental attitude towards the customs and traditions of our colourful culture that has been given its due and for that I am very thankful to the author. 



For more reviews visit For The Love of Fictional Worlds :)
Do come join us at For The Fictional Worlds Facebook Page | Twitter | Instagram  | Goodreads  | Amazon |

[Harvee Lau · Rating 3 out of 5]

Because the book is a combination of three separate and different stories, of three couples who don't know or interact with each other, it would have been easier for the reader if the novel had been divided into three sections instead of interspersing sections of the stories throughout. I found it hard to remember the previous couple after reading about couple number two and having to switch back to couple number one or forward to number three. I couldn't keep them straight that way.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book that provides an intimate and nuanced depiction of relationships in modern day India. It is a great example of well-researched and well-written narrative non-fiction, which weaves in cultural and historical details of significance, providing insightful context for the challenges experienced by the three couples the author followed. I highly recommend this book.

[Safi Khanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

[3.75]
I had to keep reminding myself that they are real couples and this isn’t fiction, and at the same time I feel like I’ve met all of them.
It was cool to be able to recognize some stories and customs that my grandparents had told me about when I was little.

[Bookworm · Rating 2 out of 5]

Author Flock paints a portrait of marriage in Mumbai for three couples. They don't know each other (so the stories are not interconnected) but Flock gives us a slice of their lives and the journeys their marriages took from the beginning through the courtship to the wedding and married life. Arranged and not we see how these couples fare in a changing India.

Initially I was hopeful. Flock acknowledges her role as a journalist and as an outsider and it seemed like it would be interesting to read on its own, with those parameters/limitations in mind. And initially it is really interesting to see how these couples came together, what the courtship was like, what difficulties (if any) they had to getting married and more.

But as the book goes on I found a lot of the criticisms were warranted. Flock aims for a roughly chronological telling instead of focusing on each couple. The jumps between them (they also covered different time periods of different lengths) was annoying. These were stories that I felt would have been much better served if told separately, with their own sections. I also agree that sometimes the author gives us too much detail in some places (which drags the narrative) and sometimes not enough. I have some understanding due to having friends with similar backgrounds but I could see how someone else could be lost or want more info.

Flock does avoid giving any sort of general conclusions about love and marriage in Mumbai but at the same time I am reminded of her limitations of her role. It's not really clear how exactly she knows these couples (although she notes their names were changed) and I couldn't help but consider how the same material could have fared with a journalist who was actually born and raised in Mumbai or even greater India. Flock also discusses watching the dissolution of her father's marriages and I just wonder why this information was shared and what, if any, role it played in the writing.

It was an interesting book that might make for an interesting read if you have a particular interest in her subject. Library borrow but unless you need it for reference. Not sure if this would interest a general reader.

[Amy Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Edelweiss for my review copy of this book.

The Heart Is A Shifting Sea follows 3 couples and their relationships throughout a period of over 10 years as Western culture begins colliding with Indian tradition. These couples embody how these cultural changes are affecting Indian culture and traditions in both the Hindu and Muslim religions.

Maya and Veer married by choice but their relationship is often tested throughout the years by Veer's family, her need for independence and his love for another woman.

Shahzad and Sabeena struggle with their inability to have children and changes taking place in Islam, which each interprets differently also causes problems in the family and their marriage.

Ashok amd Parvati have an arranged marriage after he is too old and has not married for love and she has been married off to Ashok by her father after confessing her love for a Chrisitan boy. This intermingling of faiths is not permitted and over time and through many struggles this couple finds real love for one another.

A fascinating look into not only the Indian way of life in different areas of the countryand also at relationships in general across different religions and cultures. These couples share their stories at different phases of their lives and marriages and share with us their secrets, hopes, desires, disappointments and triumphs through all the changes their lives and hearts have gone through over the years.

[Danilo DiPietro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent depiction of the social, religious, cultural and economic pressures facing India’s middle class. The approach of following three couples and overlaying geopolitical and religious context was a good one. I’d have preferred more history and context. But definitively recommended.

[Becky Loader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, my.

I admit that I have read a lot about India under British rule, and I am a little fascinated by the culture.
However, reading about these couples makes me realize how much hasn't changed and how much people are just people.

Informative, but a little depressing.

[Rayna (Poindextrix) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first heard about this book when the author was interviewed on a podcast (Fresh Air, maybe?) and the way she essentially embedded herself with these families, living with them and becoming party to their most personal moments was incredibly compelling. Somehow this book still has that drama, but without the emotional resonance. The people in the book feel like characters without dimension and there were times when I wanted more context, while other parts felt almost overly-described.
Even so, I enjoyed getting more of a picture of some kinds of familial relationships in India.

[Sarah Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an uncorrected proof copy of this book from HarperCollins.

This work of non-fiction follows the marriages of three couples in today's Mumbai. Told in a narrative, novelistic style, this work of journalism presents three examples of modern day marriage in India. Although all three couples and their circumstances differ, this book provides an interesting look at the state of love, marriage, class, and religion in Indian today. Veer and Maya marry for love but are tested by Veer's workaholic personality and Maya's urge for independence. Shahzad and Sabeena are tested by their inability to have a child. And Ashok and Parvati are brought together by an arranged marriage but manage to find love in their partnership.

The stories of the three couples is beautifully told. At times it was hard to remember that this was non-fiction, because Flock has written it in such a narrative and flowing way. The author presents the couples' stories without interruption or interjection, giving this an anthropological feel. Along with Flock, readers join the couples in their homes and observe their struggles. In doing so, the shifting culture of India is revealed, as traditional ways increasingly conflict with Western culture. The city of Mumbai is ever present in this novel; the smoke, crowded streets full of stray dogs and traffic, ever evolving apartment complexes, and bustling street markets are the backdrop of all the individuals presented in this book. Through the individuals presented in this book, the reader is able to gain a feel for the city itself and what it means to live in Mumbai from several perspectives.

I was surprised that Flock provides no insight or reflections on her decade spent observing these three couples. She presents their stories and fairly tries to show all sides but does not comment or interject in any way. Although this does allow the reader to only observe and come to their own conclusions about what life and marriage is like in Mumbai, I would have appreciated at least an introductory or concluding section where the author gave insight into how she met the couples, what it was like being a part of their lives, and just generally gave some insight into how this book came about. The inside look these couples gave to the author was extraordinary and this book could not have happened without the author gaining their trust and spending significant time with them and I would have liked more discussion of that process. Additionally, the book is broken up into sections and at times, especially in the beginning of the book, it was difficult to keep up as the book jumped from one couple to another. In some ways, I would have liked to have one couple's whole story presented together before moving on to another, simply for clarity and understanding.

This was a beautiful written portrait of married life in Mumbai from the perspective of six individuals. An insightful snapshot of life in a changing city filled with contradictions, as well as a meditation on the universal themes of love, marriage, and family.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Goodreads and Harper
for my advance reader copy.
This nonfiction book follows the lives of
three married couples in India
during a time of great political
and social change. Time setting is
from 1983 to 2015.

The reader is privy to the innermost
thoughts and feelings of each of the
husbands and wives. I was surprised
at the openness and level of transparency
shown. Somehow I don't think most people
would reveal extramarital dalliances
and feelings of unrequited love so
freely! Definitely makes for very
interesting reading.

Elizabeth Flock is a reporter which really
shows in her in depth and detailed writing.
The reader gets a sense of the politics and
and social upheaval taking place.

I came away feeling I knew these
three couples and their hopes and dreams.
Definitely recommend for those interested
in relationships and learning more about India.

[Nay Joy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I may try to finish this book, but it's not going to be easy. As a white American woman in a relationship with an upper-middle-class Indian man from Mumbai/Bombay, I thought that reading a book like this might provide a lens into his social circle back home. We're both writers and appreciate both journalistic and literary endeavors that present realistic human experiences common to every culture.

Maybe the tone and style improve as the stories unfold, but I honestly can't comprehend all the good marks and reviews this book is getting overall. The simplistic, passively-voiced prose is distracting in its immaturity for a supposedly skilled writer. The style of a non-fiction story with a fiction-like narrative may have been chosen to avoid the White Gaze problem directly, but it only enhances it from my perspective. If the prose held more nuance, it's possible that would make the difference between gaining immersion rather than remote observation.

The third person omniscient switches between character POVs from one paragraph to the next is a cardinal sin in traditional publishing, and while I believe in breaking the rules of established traditions for the sake of art, there's nothing clever or surprising in its use here. Instead, it's just more sloppy writing.

I shared excerpts with my partner to see if perhaps I'm being too harsh, if I'm missing some cultural cues that the author, a woman in my demographic, was familiar with or that her subjects, people in his demographic, would relate to better and he had all the same issues as I did. Given that, I'm probably not going to try and push through the rest of this book. It may be that, ultimately, the author opens up a friendly window into an intimate world--but it's so poorly designed that I'm not interested in spending my time exploring the view despite my interest in the surroundings.

[Rāhul · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, American journalist Elizabeth Flock paints an intimate portrait of three marriages in Mumbai, India. Flock worked on this book over a reporting stint in India, and further visits over the course of 8 years. The Indian subjects range from an upper middle class Marwari couple, Maya and Veer, in the Western suburbs; to a middle class Muslim man, Shahzad, and wife Sabina from southern Mumbai; and to another middle class South Indian Brahmin couple, Parvati and Ashok, recent arrivals in a north-central suburb. While Flock brings out the voices of both the man and woman in the other two couples, the story of the Muslim couples seems to rely more on the man, with the wife playing a subordinate role. It is not clear whether this speaks to their individual relationship, or the Mumbai Muslim social milleu, or the particularities of Flock's access to them, but it is a differential treatment that went unaddressed by the author.

Flock splits the narrative into sections containing chapters on each of the couples interleaved with chapters on the others. Given her status as an outsider, the level of private access the author gains into these lives in sometimes incredible. Perhaps it is an unfair assessment, but at many points in the book, I wondered how much of the narrative is touched by the power dynamics associated with a western reporter looking into the struggles of third world strivers who clearly privilege western culture in their world view, and wished Flock would address some of that. In a similar vein, for readers who know Mumbai and India, this book is also about what a westerner decides to look for and sees in her Indian subjects, as much as it is about the subjects themselves. Indian narratives already in the recent western imagination, of an emerging economy, religious tensions, and stifling restrictions on women, are all confirmed; but there are also interesting new themes like the willingness of women to seek love outside their marriage.

To those on the outside, these stories show people struggling with the same questions in any relationship, but in surroundings shaped by tremendous social and economic change. While there is much in flux, the old does not die away completely in India, and neither does it meld fully with the new, but the old and new co-exist in sometimes bemusing ways. Flock does a good job of capturing many of these contradictions brought about by the changing status and expectations of women, and the interactions of different generations. In the story of the Muslim couple, a lingering subtext is the chasm between their personal and community lives, and that of the larger Hindu culture surrounding them. They are convinced of the supremacy of their religion, and are also proudly aware of Islam's long historical ascendance in India, simultaneously pining for that lost glory and living under a feeling of siege by the more numerous and lately politically organized Hindus.

This book left me feeling closely connected with the subjects, their lives and their struggles. Flock is an engaging writer, and uses literary quotes before each chapter to serving as a lens orienting our view of each of the subjects and their stories. Radha's unfulfilled love for a wandering Krishna informing Maya and Veer's story, and the religious lens of the Quran informing Shahzad's quest, dovetailed nicely with their stories. However, Kamala Das' erotic poetry as companion to Parvati and Ashok's story seemed to fall short of the complexities of Ashok that Flock otherwise does a good job portraying.

Despite the ringside seat Flock has in the lives of these Mumbai couples, the particularities of the author's interaction with them is hidden in a way that at once made me feel closer to the story and feeling a strange incoherence about it. This book is definitely an engaging read with much of interest to those who want to know of middle class Indian life in this time of great churn.

[Linda Hutchinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The Heart Is A Shifting Sea” by author Elizabeth Flock, is a mesmerizing read. This non-fiction documentary book reads like a novel although it is the true story of three Indian couples who go through years of struggle as married partners. India is a country caught in the middle between the past and the present which is now strongly influenced by Western culture. Many people in India have fluid thoughts on sex both within married life and outside of married life. Pornography is rampant and easily found. Young women no longer want to play a subservient role to their husbands and yet it is a time-honored tradition that is hard to break. Indian culture still involves the bride moving in with the groom’s family. The films of Bollywood, which are highly romanticized, are not real life even though couples “think” that is what they should be living…like a romantic movie. I find Indian culture to be mysterious and enthralling. It is hard to comprehend when we live such a different lifestyle in America. This novel was a good read and an interesting story. The author wrote beautifully and tried to illustrate the conflicting emotions of married love in a repressed country. It was truly an amazing and insightful story. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #book #books #bookstagram #bookeotm #indianwedding #theheartisashiftingsea #elizabethflock #bookworm #indianculture #arrangedmarriage #nonfiction #lindaleereads2019 @harpercollinsus #mumbai

[Leanne Ellis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read about marriages in modern-day India with its conflict between the individual and family obligations. I was struck by the horrible experiences of in-laws (the powerless bully those with less power), the obsession to have children, the economic hardships, and burdens on women. Such an oppressive society makes self-righteousness easy to form. Also, where is the line between cultural tradition and prejudice? Pride versus condemnation? It's easy to castigate the West for loose morals and racism, but if a lot of people (including extreme Western leftists) looked in the mirror, there's lots of accountability and cruelty to go around.

Here's a cheer to secular democracy, freedom, tolerance, and intellectualism! Down with populism, self-righteousness religion and politics, and smugness!

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

This books is a non-fiction account of three different couples in Mumbai. From....meeting until marriage and beyond. It is written as if it is fiction and an easy read....
A Muslim couple that cannot have children, a Hindu couple that married, but is not in love- so the woman continues relationships with other men (and runs her own business), and a couple that married in hopes of forgetting their past....

It is an interesting glance into lives in another country, but nothing brain stumbling.

Read if you enjoy reading about relationships in different countries.

PopSugar Reading Challenge 2023: A book by a first-time author.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed the glimpse at marital issues in another culture, and learning how while much is different, those things that make us human interfere with us all in much the same way: sometimes it's hard to get pregnant, it's so easy to stray from your spouse, it's likely either man or woman will feel inadequate, strain on the marriage is likely whether or not you're resentful of the in-laws, and money is both difficult and easy to come by, depending on how you prioritize your family. It was a relief to get these stories of family from the 2nd most populace country in the world and I hope many others pick this up or other books like it so we can all wake up to the fact that we're all just people trying to do right by the people we love.

[Linda Reminger · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up because of the amazing amount of research that went into this book, but almost too much in my opinion. Fascinating look at the marriages of 3 couples living in India; the current social and economic changes this country has experienced in the past decade; and how difficult it is to combine this with their Indian culture.

[Puja Killa · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5*

Simply and truthfully written. Although it lacked the elegance of a skilled writer, I got sucked up in the stories which are real and sounded very familiar. Struggles of couples belonging to Indian middle class with overbearing parents, conflicts due to religious dynamics, ‘love marriage’ ending up in a loveless and indifferent relationship, arranged marriage morphing into a loving bond. All very clichéd, but for good reason. These are not rules but not exceptions either. As the language is simple, was a quick read.

[Kelli Oliver George · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was beautifully written and left me thinking.