The Journal of a Disappointed Man & A Last Diary

by W.N.P. Barbellion

Published shortly before the author's death in 1919, The Journal of a Disappointed Man presents a remarkable memoir that addresses struggles with poverty, inadequate education, and the creeping paralysis of multiple sclerosis. Yet author W. N. P. Barbellion manages to write with uplifting eloquence and passion of his love for family, natural history, music, and literature. Told with a thoroughly modern voice, the unjustly overlooked Journal is reprinted here with its posthumous successor, A Last Diary. This edition features a thoughtful Introduction by H. G. Wells, who writes of the book's "exquisite beauty."

W. N. P. Barbellion (1889–1919), whose real name was Bruce Frederick Cummings, was a naturalist who worked in the Entomology Department of London's Natural History Museum. Upon attempting to enlist in the British Army during World War I, he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The discovery of his disease intensified the tenor of his journal-keeping, and his frank and articulate reflections on coping with a fatal illness remain a powerful testament to his life and struggles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Diary, Classics, Autobiography

400 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1919

About the author

Wilhelm Nero Pilate Barbellion was the nom-de-plume of Bruce Frederick Cummings, an English diarist who was responsible for The Journal of a Disappointed Man. Ronald Blythe called it "among the most moving diaries ever created"

Cummings was born in Barnstaple in 1889. He was a naturalist at heart and ended up working at the British Museum's department of Natural History in London. Having begun his journal at the age of thirteen, Cummings continued to record his observations there - gradually moving from dry scientific notes to a more personal, literary style. His literary ambitions changed course in 1914 upon reading the journal of the Russian painter Marie Bashkirtseff, in whom he recognised a kindred spirit (see the 14 October 1914 entry of his Journal); in his 15 January 1915 entry he indicated that he intended to prepare his Journal for publication: "Then all in God’s good time I intend getting a volume ready for publication."

Cummings' life changed forever when he was called to enlist in the British Army to fight in World War I in November 1915. He had consulted his doctor before taking the regulation medical prior to enlisting, and his doctor had given him a sealed, confidential letter to present to the medical officer at the recruitment centre. Cummings did not know what was contained in the letter, but in the event it was not needed; the medical officer rejected Cummings as unfit for active duty after the most cursory of medical examinations. Hurt, Cummings decided to open the letter on his way back home to see what had been inside, and was staggered to learn that his doctor had diagnosed him as suffering from the disease now known as multiple sclerosis, and that he almost certainly had less than five years to live.

The news changed Cummings profoundly, and his journal became much more intense and personal as a result. He had married shortly before discovering his illness, and had a daughter, Penelope, in October 1916, but was later moved to discover that his prospective wife, Eleanor, had been informed of his condition long before he himself knew his fate, and his efforts to spare the feelings of his family had been in vain since they had known his condition even before he had.

His diaries up to the winter of 1917, which he revised and corrected prior to publication, were eventually published in March 1919 under the title The Journal of a Disappointed Man. He chose the pseudonym "W.N.P. Barbellion" to protect the identities of his family and friends; he chose the forenames "Wilhelm", "Nero" and "Pilate" as his examples of the most wretched men ever to have lived. The first edition bore a preface by H.G. Wells, which led some reviewers to believe the journal was a work of fiction by Wells himself; Wells publicly denied this but the true identity of "Barbellion" was not known by the public until after Cummings' death.

The Journal of a Disappointed Man, filled with frank and keen observation, unique philosophy and personal resignation, was described by its author as "a study in the nude". The book received both adulatory and scathing reviews; having originally been optioned by Collins, they eventually rejected the book because they feared the "lack of morals" shown by Barbellion would damage their reputation. An editor's note at the very end of the book claims Barbellion died on 31 December 1917, but Cummings in fact lived for nearly two more years. He died in October 1919, having recently approved the proofs of a second short volume of memoirs, Enjoying Life and Other Literary Remains; a third brief volume of his very last entries, A Last Diary, appeared in 1920. His identity was made public through his obituaries in various newspapers, at which point his brother Henry R. Cummings gave a newspaper interview providing details of the life of "Barbellion".

Reviews

[Hux · Rating 5 out of 5]

For most people, middle-age is the period in life when they first begin to feel the presence of their fragile mortality. As such, there is something unique, something terrible in fact, about a person in their twenties experiencing that same crisis due to a debilitating illness. Barbellion's journal begins when he is 13 and contains, as you might predict, a series of careless references to trivial matters which require diary entries of brevity and pure description. He is a boy fascinated by the natural world, by insects and animals, by the rapid arrival of knowledge and wonder. It's only in his late teens when the diary becomes something else, when Barbellion begins to notice that his body is showing strange signs of numbness and weakness. He knows something is wrong but doesn't know what, and only towards his last few years does he finally get a name for his illness: multiple sclerosis.

I generally don't read non-fiction books these days (and certainly not life writings) but this book (by title alone) had something that appealed to me. At this point I will reference the wonderful 'Book of Disquiet' by Pessoa, another diary but one which is more overtly creative and literary in its intentions. While that book has no chronology and feels like the random (and very beautiful) exploration of a man's private thoughts, this book (though also with a literary flourish to the prose) is a more coherent insight into the slow deterioration of a man's body and soul. As the journal goes on, the entries become longer and more reflective; as the illness progresses, Barbellion ceases to simply detail his day-to-day existence and instead begins to contemplate existence, to disclose more and more of himself, his inner turmoil, his fears and regrets, but more so (and very honestly), his (self-confessed) egotistical belief that he could have contributed something more had he lived longer.

There are some wonderful insights throughout the journal, entries which are exquisite, sad, angry and poignant. Towards the end, he endeavours to get the journal published and even succeeds, living long enough to hold a copy of the book (with an introduction by H.G Wells) in his hand. His original journal (the one he saw published) ended in 1917 and closed with the (false) words 'Barbellion died on December 31.' In realty he lived another two years and those last diary entries are also included here. The fact that he ended the original journal with a lie was based on the genuine belief that he would not live to see it published (or further material added). None the less, I interpret this as evidence that a certain creative license was indeed being enjoyed by Barbellion. That isn't to say the journal isn't a true account, but merely that he, like Pessoa, had a flair for the poetic and romantic.

The book was so easy to read, so wonderfully written. It offers so many amazing thoughts and phrases, the prose being truly magnificent, the subject matter, significant and powerful. I especially enjoyed the moment when he is talking to his wife about his impending death.

"[she] says widows' weeds have been so vulgarised by the war widows that she won't go into deep mourning. 'But you'll wear just one weed or two for me?' I plead, and then we laugh. She has promised me that should a suitable chance arise, she will marry again. Personally, I wish I could place my hand on the young fellow at once, so as to put him through his paces -- show him where the water main runs and where the gas meter is, and so on."

The man and his work deserves far more recognition. Superb!

[David]

I had a feeling this would be my favorite book before I even read it. Now that I'm done, I can say that it certainly is in the top 3.

The thing about it is that Barbellion is me. On every page of this book he does something that I would do, says something that I would say. Because it is a journal rather than a narrative, there isn't a lot of continuity or worry about presenting a unified image. Barbellion is here with all his contradictions and mood swings, so seeing him is so much like seeing oneself. It's wild to see that a young man in London during WWI lived a life not too unlike a young man today.

Read some very well-selected excerpts at quotidiana.org.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

The journal of a talented biologist as he grows into a man and becomes more and more aware of the disease that cripples him and will eventually kill him. It sounds like a downer, and in some ways it is, but his humor and vital interest in life of all kinds sustains it. He has an excellent way with words, as well. It's hard to find, but read it if you can.

[Jim · Rating 4 out of 5]

As well-written as reviews said. A tale by a man disappointed both by the brevity and outcomes of his life. But not morose. So witty and sometimes amusing. And a great picture of his age and education.
One felt close, and knowing his outcome, and one's own, comforted somehow.

[Crosby · Rating 5 out of 5]

A rather obscure book that found its way onto one of the
"1000 Books to Read Before You Die" lists that I have lately been using to select my next read. It turns out that it will be one of the few books I plan to keep here in my downsizing years. It is also a book that despite my 5 star rating is not one I would recommend to most people. I expect it would be a downer, repetitive book to most people who are healthy and not ready to confront the idea of death. It is the diary of a young man from his teens to his death of multiple sclerosis by thirty. I relate to it in numerous ways. His love of biology, music, books, solitude would all attract my attention even without the downer aspects of his health. How could I not be interested in his young biological life when his first entry in this diary is: "am writing an essay on the life history of insects and have abandoned the idea of writing on 'How Cats Spend their Time' ". Or "how I hate the man who talks about the brute creation....as for me I am proud of my close kinship with other animals". Or "I do not ever like going to bed...I hate the time when it comes to put my books away."As his disease progresses and he recognizes it, he begins to express his thoughts on how it will affect his plans for the future. He speculates that every person on earth has 3 sides: a side they show to the outside, a side they can never fully understand and finally a side that no one else should see because it is "too naked" and "humiliating". The latter is the side he chooses to show in his diary because his disease is slowly stripping him of everything else except writing. He deliberates drinking alcohol to knock back his troubles but decides writing down his troubles works better for him. Hence, the diary becomes painful to read. He states "my diary is too unpleasant for popularity " yet he plans to have it published because he feels someone must be brave enough to expose themselves in a way that might provide comfort to others facing mortality due to a terminal disease. Yes, he includes the extremeties (ie, talks about ending his life with a gun at least three times but also expresses the rapture music and nature brings to him). It is painful to read his description of crawling up the stairs to try to find a painkiller and his legs are tetanied. He says of his wife: "it is cruel to her and cruel to me. I thought my heart must break. Why did she marry me? they ought not to have let her do it.... that sweet dear fluttering spirit!". Despair and sometimes delight are hallmarks of his diary. When he contemplates not being able to travel and see places, he cites a short poem: "where's the mighty credit in admiring Alps? Any goose sees glory in their snowy scalps" (he promotes the philosophy of staying at home & learning to enjoy local nature). Family members read his early version of the diary and said that they did not recognize him from the words, his response is that in fact they are seeing the naked version of himself. This book took me much longer to read as I found myself frequently stopping and thinking about what I just read. Even after 100 years, his hope that someone would read his words and recognize he had a role on earth even though at times he despaired he wouldnt, I like to think he would appreciate a well done from me. And I was completely surprised to see his average 4+ star ratings in the Good Reads rating system. A sad diary with occasional zests for life shining through.

[Muaz Jalil · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fascinating book and cannot recommend enough. I came across its name in I think Beauvoir's letters to Sartre. This book has led me to two other journals, Goncourt and Marie Bashkirtseff, which Barbellion recommends.

The Book is like a Greek tragedy , the protagonist fighting against fate and losing. But yet it is uplifting. B constantly struggles but pulls himself up, weirdly uplifting.

Barbellion is a pseudo name for Frederick Cummings.

He says that he is his own Boswell: spectator, critical self-appreciator.

Barbellion had MS, and apparently, many MS Society recommended this book. His Sisyphusian struggle against the disease is weirdly captivating. He goes through ups and down, and you can see his authentic self coming out.

He staked his future fame in this journal, and even thought nobody would read it, and here I am reading it 100 years later and loving it.

He read Origin of Species at 13 and was fascinated by zoology. No surprised , he gradually became agnostic

Suffered from self-doubt at times, questioning whether he overestimated his value and deceived himself. Feels so raw and transparent.

His wife knew when she married him that he had a terminal condition. And near the end, B's constant worry is the financial stability of his wife, which he aims to secure by publishing his journal.

[Jason Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a lifetime of reading, no book has matched the power of this one. In the days, weeks, and months afterwards, my thoughts kept returning to Barbellion's journal, as the enormity of its achievement sank in. Barbellion, autodidact and polymath, in often beautiful prose, fulfilled his ambition of escaping from his treacherous body, through language, and bequeathed future generations an incredibly complete, and often unflattering, portrait of himself.

I still choke when reading the entry as he ponders death once more: "For a long time past my hope has simply been to last long enough to convince others of what I might have done--had I lived."

Barbellion was an extraordinary man, and this is an extraordinary book. The only autobiography I have read to rival it is Rousseau's Confessions.

My YouTube channel is named in honor of Barbellion: The Channel of a Disappointed Man, I review books and talk about literature there: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3M_...

[Gayle Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title of the book I read by Barbellion is Enjoying Life and Other Literary Remains. This book purchased at Daedalus may be out of print. Delightful.

[Kateri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book of my heart. Review...impossible.

(update highlights. sometime.)

[Andreea Filip · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the greatest books ever written

[Hornthesecond · Rating 4 out of 5]

These were a very interesting read indeed, and it seemed natural to read the two books in succession, although there is a little potential for confusion at the join. Barbellion comes across as a man who might not necessarily have been easy to like. His journal though is a rich source of information about the period in which he lived, and his observations are interesting and varied. The books are by no means as miserable as they might sound from their titles. It might be handy sometimes while reading them to have Wikipedia to hand, as certainly some of the cultural and popular cultural references from the late Edwardian/First World War period are slightly obscure these days. He was also a keen observer of nature and it seems likely that he was rather a promising, or at least keen, zoologist - and I found that aspect of these memoirs interesting too. I will, no doubt, re-read these at some stage. Well worth a look i

[Irene Schneider · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exceptional diary by an English naturalist who died far too young (of multiple sclerosis). He is devastatingly honest, and I'll let one passage from November 1915, when he was about 26, speak for him:

"I fall back on this Journal just as some other poor devil takes to drink. I, too, have toyed with the idea of drinking hard. I have frequented bars and billiards saloons and in fits of depression done my best to forget myself. But I am not sufficiently fond of alcohol (and it would take a lot to make me forget myself). So I plunge into these literary excesses and drown my sorrows in Stephens' Blue-black Ink. It gives me a sulky pleasure to think that some day somebody will know...."

I began a journal, too, and this journal is the standard I keep in mind. I'll never measure up, but his clarity, humor, and insight hold my feet to the fire.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who can resist peeking into someone else's diary? From Samuel Pepys to Adrian Mole, fictional or real, I adore the intimacy and the insight found between the covers of a journal. This one is particularly poignant, because the writer, a passionate young scientist, died from MS at age 28. The scope of subject is huge: death; sex; science; religion; art, and while the author doesn't offer startling new insights, he is honest and does not spare himself. He has a sense of humor, too. I was utterly charmed by the first entry and the last made me tear up. Age 15: "I am writing a paper on the life cycle of insects. Have decided not to write on what cats do all day." Final entry: "Miserable. Self-disgust."

[Sunil · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a journal so the narrative is not smooth. It follows the author’s precocious childhood where he is a very interested biologist, through to his adulthood. It is very amusing in places. Towards the end of the book the author is suffering very heavily with illness and though there is a lot of wisdom and wit in what is written it is very morbid with thoughts of death. These parts of the book are quite tough to read.

[Andrew Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the very few works of memoir or literature that accurately and subtly describes the experience of multiple sclerosis. The author dies of the disease—back in the nineteen-teens, death from MS was swift and often associated with infection—but the arc of this book is in his coming to terms with being intellectually gifted and unable ever to fulfill his potential.

[Louisa Campbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think maybe my expectations were too high with this book. I got a bit bored with the self-obsession. I suppose that's what I should have expected with a diary. It's well-written and interesting and has some great observations and clever ideas, but I just couldn't be bothered to finish it.

[Bunny Hudson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If one can have a favourite book, this is it. I buy multiple copies and give them away. Sometimes stunningly moving; sometimes hilarious. Came upon it via reference in journals of André Gide. That was enough for me.

[Max Stone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really closer to 3.5 stars, the first half was 3 stars and the second half was 4 stars (his journal got better as he aged and as he started to grapple with his impending death more). Rounding to 4 stars because of recency bias.

[Pam Zarzamora · Rating 4 out of 5]

makes you think.. everyone has dark and light in our lives and its a matter of enjoying the important things

[Rachel Stevenson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Death of a naturalist.

[Cosmin Popa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sorrow never was a good point to start. Here it is.

[Matthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

A daily journal. This man suffered from multiple sclerosis in the 1920's, and died before the age of 30. Very good read in parts.

[Velvetink]

epub version