Voss

by David Ives

In a series of letters home to his friend Meero, Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky (Voss for short) tells the hilarious story of how he smuggles himself to America in a crate of black-market cheese puffs with his gloomy father Bogdown and his nutty uncle Shpoont. Settling into the rundown Slobovian section of town, Voss soon finds his first job by opening the door for debutante Tiffany McBloomingdale (an unheard-of act of politeness), rescues his father from a sinister hospital, and even gets the girl of his dreams, though not the one he expects! Through Voss?s comically broken English, readers will find a remarkably fresh view of America. Brimming with pointed satire, a healthy dose of action, and a one-of-a-kind narrator, Voss?s crazy adventures are sure to leave a lasting impression.

Genres: Humor, Young Adult, Teen, Satire, Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Contemporary

208 pages, Hardcover

First published October 2, 2008

About the author

A contemporary American playwright whose plays often consist of one act and are generally comedies. They are notable for their verbal dexterity, theatrical invention, and quirky humor.

He earned his MFA in Playwriting from The Yale School of Drama. A Guggenheim Fellow in playwriting, David is probably best known for his evening of one-act comedies called "All In the Timing". The show won the Outer Critics Circle Playwriting Award, ran for two years Off-Broadway, and in the 1995-96 season was the most-performed play in the country after Shakespeare productions.

Reviews

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wild and zany book. Unlike books you have probably read in the past, mostly. Voss and his family (and friends)--all illegal immigrants--are charming through and through. His experiences are recounted through letters--"ladders"--back home to his best friend. It has a lot of humor. But a good amount of heart as well. This is one of those books where you could open it to practically any page and soon be drawn into it. It's funny. It's fast-paced. It's unusual. But I like it. I more than "like" it in fact. I love it.

Here's one of my favorite passages:

She stomped back and forth up and down the street, making great noise in her Slobovian shoes. Indeed, Leena's feet stamped out the rhythm of our ancient Slobovian love ballad, "Angry Woman, Stupid Man." This is the song with the chorus, You're in the soup, you're in the soup, she's waving her iron spoon, you're in the soup and drowning. Listening to the sound of her shoes, I felt like what Americans call a heel. (55)

The book earned a starred review in Publisher's Weekly.

[Jennifer Wardrip · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reviewed by Sally Kruger aka "Readingjunky" for TeensReadToo.com

I predict that Voss will be the next cult-hero in tween and YA fiction. At least I think he's going to be popular with the readers in my middle school.

Vospop (Voss) Vsklzwczdztwczky, his father, and his crazy uncle come to America from their native Slobovia. They are illegal immigrants who smuggle themselves into a shipping container filled with $100,000 worth of counterfeit Cheese Puffs. Using a series of letters sent back home to his friend Meero, Voss shares the trials and tribulations of being new to America.

Voss's first letter begins as follows: "You won't believe this my friend. We made it out of Slobovia! We are bound for America! We have smoggled ourselves aboard a great big sheep, the cargo freighter SSS Windmill. And Meero, we are headed for dipp, dipp trobble."

The travelers arrive safely in America and settle in the illegal Slobovian section of the city. That's when Voss's adventures begin. He is surprised to be greeted by Leena, the girl from Slobovia fated to be his wife. Even though she is fixated on this future union, Voss has serious doubts about having this overenthusiastic, over-sized girl as his wife.

Voss realizes he must find a job, but things start off in the wrong direction when his simple attempt to travel by subway earns him only some unpleasant taunting and a foot-long submarine sandwich. Who knew an eating place could be confused with mass transportation?

Amazingly, Voss is able to keep track of his crazy uncle, his gloomy father, and avoid the angry owner of the counterfeit Cheese Puffs (Chiss Poffs), long enough to meet a beautiful and extremely rich American girl whose father offers him the astonishing salary of $100,000 to act as her escort. Maybe America really is the land of opportunity, but how long can it last?

David Ives has created an incredible character and a story to match. Voss is an adventurer, a patriot, a bit of a detective, and a brave young man who is bound to entertain readers from the first page until the last. Voss's story is heart-warming and humor-filled. I certainly hope this will not be his last adventure.

[Matthew Milbers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book because the authors wrote an immigration story that incorporated everyday items that teens like. This story taught me in a funny way about deportation and how people smuggle themselves to other countries. Some parts in the book were a little confusing but after reading them two or three times I understood it. At first the speaking style in the book is a little hard to get used to, but after about 3 chapters, the reader gets used to it.
I liked how Vospop joined together all the Slobovian people and got them pumped up to rescue the sick, tortured, and starved people from the Pilgrim's "Paradise" hospital. The style of writing was very funny because the authors typed out the book in accents. For example: "In any cases, donut do what I did. As pipple say in Slobovia: Be yourself, mostly." This book is a very good read for teens and adults. It has lots of humor and I never wanted to put it down. Great book.

[Colleen Graves · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a hilarious and silly book! Voss is an illegal immigrant from Slobovia. He hitched a ride to America in a crate of imitation Cheesy poofs. This book was completely different, strange, and surprising! I had to keep reading to find out what the heck would happen next. I enjoyed Voss's accent and strange spelling of American words. This reminded me of a more adult version of "Winchell Mink" by Steve Young.

Great book for someone looking for something different!

[Joey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a crazy and interesting book. Is about Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczly (Voss is his nickname) and his friend Meero tells all the hilarious story of the journal of how he smuggles himself to America in the crate of black (a market) with his pathetic father Bogdown and his annoying uncle Shpoont. Soon he finds his first job which is opening the door for debutante Tiffany McBloomingdale, and rescues his father from an evil hospital, and he even got his girl. None of those things people believe will happen to him. He is a fortunate boy, is also a brave boy.

I really in love in this book, this book really made me laugh a lot, and make me can’t stop reading this book because it is so interesting that I can’t let go the book for one second. I think it is the plot and the author style makes me so interested in this book. Because the plot is not boring at all, and it is easy to understand the plot. And the author uses plenty of adjectives to describe the inner feeling, which makes the readers can imagine the event in their mind. Also, the language of the author uses is also very novelty, because Voss is a boy that from the countryside, so his English is not that good. Therefore, sometimes there are a lot of grammar mistakes and misuse of the language. But because of that, it becomes one of the unique characteristics of this book. Even though it is a little bit hard to understand, but it’s very interesting. I choose this book is because the Tittle of this book caught my attention because there Is not a meaning of Voss. Lastly, I will recommend this book to the young adult that like to read humor book and inspiration book.

[JL Salty · Rating 2 out of 5]

Frankly, the accent / play on words annoyed me, especially at first. I suspect intentional satire / farce, but I was offended at times at the stereotypes of the characters. Stodgy? Too sensitive? maybe. But I just didn't love this book.
Rating: PG-13: I found the comedic use of inappropriate terms to be a little much.

[Noah G · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book Voss, by David Ives is a very interesting read. It closely resembles the book Found because of the kids that are faced with large problems that have to be overcome. Despite being by different authors, I believe they very well could have worked together in designing the plots between the books because of how they are laid out and the order things happen. It just keeps stockpiling and stockpiling, until, BAM. It hits ya like a boxer knocking your jaw off.

Despite coming off as an easy read, the book turned out to have some interesting words, especially in the main characters name.

“My name: Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky. This is a name nobody can forget, because nobody can pronounce it.” (Not a numbered page)

This statement was taken directly from the book when he was first introducing himself. Afterwards, he was talking about illegal activities. He seemed like a law abiding citizen, and proud one of Slobovia. Apparently, it was a little different. He was illegally “smoggling” (1) himself to America in a “Blackmarket imitation Cheese Puff container.” (1) He was an accent like no other that is clearly spelled out before you in the book and adds an interesting factor and the sensation of hearing his voice and mispronunciation of words.

“I sat listening to the mindiless bipp bipp bipp of their voodeo games.” (101)

Voss is also a people guy. He feels the need to take care of everybody of any race, not because their is a Slobovian present, but because he feels it is right due to the fact that they are human beings. If it is someone in distress, he will be there to do right. Especially when the patients in the hospital were suffering and awaiting their impelling doom.

“We must rescue them all.” (141)

Once they climax had reached an end, the whole entire community had to unite and work together to help those need to survive and thrive. All of the families worked together to insure that everyone felt welcome and regained their strength that been lost at a billionaires hands.

“... The patients were taken into Slobovian homes and given seven-course meals...: (156)

“Pipple filled the streets going from one place to another with foods and blankets.” (156)

In the midst of all the hustling and bustling of taking care of the needy, their guard was let down. Once the book led you to believe everything was going to taper off into happiness, it hits you again, accept from every side. Ten pages later and you’re on edge of the chair that you are sitting on, jumping out of your britches. The most action packed piece of paper I have ever read in a fiction book. Voss was left scared out of his mind while worrying about his “Future wife.”

“Leena... how I wished, Meero, that my arms were free so that I could take her hand one last time... I was about to be scared to death...”.

After you get a fresh pair of pants on, you will find that the story has taken a huge turn and the tables changed. This book is very good and nerve-racking read where the sheer devotion of the Slobovian Spirit and the working of many together can achieve even the biggest of goals. the Slobovians are no longer insuperior, but are ranked highly in the social status of those who they helped. Amongst each other, they came to realization that humans are equal, and despite that America frowned upon them, they were always ready to do the right thing. That’s why I give it a four out of five. Overall, if you haven't already, just go out and read the book. There’s nothing to worry about and no contracts to be signed.

[Favour · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amazing, funny, people just automatically want to read it.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

David Ives has written some of the weirdest, funniest one-acts in existence (“Variations on the Death of Trotsky,” where the exiled Bolshevik spends the entire play with an ice pick—or is it a mountain climber’s ax?—sticking out of the back of his head; “The Philadelphia,” which posits the city as a metaphysical state where nothing goes your way), so I was excited to see his name on this slim, breezy young-adult novel. Turns out it’s his third, after “Monsieur Eek” and “Scrib,” and it’s just as weird and funny as I could want.
“Voss” is the story of Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky (“a name nobody can forget, because nobody can pronounce it,”) a teenager from the vaguely Eastern European country of Slobovia—by the accent and the bizarre local cuisine (horseradish pie, live sauerkraut) and traditions (“the Blessing of the Tires”), it’s probably bordered by Fredonia, Elbonia, and wherever Andy Kaufman’s character in “Taxi” hailed from. Voss sets off for America in a freight container full of black-market cheese puffs (or “Chiss Poffs,” as the packages read), which his crazy Uncle Shpoont has hijacked from fearsome gangster Bilias Opchuck. Uncle Shpoont has watched too many American commercials and believes he owns the world, and wants to survey more of his domain—and he brings Voss and Voss’s gloomy father, Bogdown (who’s prone to quoting gloomy old Slobovian proverbs like “Don’t count your chickens. You don’t have any.”), along for the ride.
As one would expect from the setup, “Voss” is mostly a comedy of errors: Voss quickly finds a lucrative job squiring about the billionaire heiress Tiffany McBloomingdale, while Uncle Shpoont endears himself to Tiffany’s father, while Bogdown falls ill and vanishes into a sinister hospital where nothing is as it seems. The whole book is told (and spelled) in Voss’s Slobovian dialect—but where a less adept author might fall into “Hey, he doesn’t talk like us! Isn’t that hi-larious?” xenophobic comedy, Ives ends up spinning an absurd but almost plausible tale about the exploitation of illegal immigrants. The illegal Slobovian section of the city, Voss tells us, is “betwin the illegal Mexican section and the illegal Polish section and the illegal Turkish section and the illegal Korean and Chinese and Nigerian sections.” All these people are trapped by their alien status and viewed as disposable instruments by the wealthy, to the point where (spoiler alert!) they harvest their organs to keep their own bodies running. “Voss” is deceptively frothy, an easy read with a subtle message. And did I mention it’s hysterical?

[Jun Park · Rating 5 out of 5]

Voss, by David Ives, is a story about how Vospop, the main character in this story, go on
adventures in America. He is faced with a lot of obstacles, including one that might kill him.
David Ives is a male author who wrote a lot of books during his lifetime.
Throughout this story, David uses improper usage of grammar and speech. Because of
this, readers like me were able to know that this character is not very good at English,
especially because he had been living somewhere else, a place known as “Slobovia”. This
improper usage of grammar had a key effect to the story. It confused readers of how to spell a
word, perhaps, such as “pipple”, when it should be pronounced “people”. Young readers would
take a big effect, because spelling is their biggest mistakes. This improper usage of grammar
was repeated throughout the whole story, which I honestly did not like. This author did not
show a transition of proper use of grammar throughout the story, leaving me used to the
spelling errors that David purposely made. Vospop, the main character in this story, did not
show that he learned any spelling at all, which is why David kept on putting spelling errors. I
strongly disliked that, and overall it was pretty hard trying to read the book, hoping all this
nonsense spelling would end. This book, although it was pretty hard reading it, showed some
lessons. Never give up, that’s what they always say. But if you do it, you will achieve something
that will please your soul; finishing it. In this story, Vospop does not give up, even when his
father is kidnapped, and the rest of his family are at jail. He has courage, which is another
lesson of this book. He always has courage to do actions he had never imagined of to do in his
entire life. This book has connected to me personally because of what I face every day;
challenges. Physical challenges, that include bullies, etc. They annoy you on purpose to make
you mad; and yet you don’t have a choice, just deal with it. Don’t give up and fight them, just
get yourself away from them. Same challenge with Vospop, he had to deal with something
larger, even when his father was kidnapped and hidden from him.
I would not want to recommend this book to anyone because this book has horrible
spelling mistakes. If I had to, I would choose people who are recently immigrants to America,
to make them have the feeling that they are not alone with all the incorrect speech.

[Oliver Nizet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Voss by David Ives is a book that is entirely made up of letters from a teenage boy named Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky (Voss for short) to his best friend Meero. Voss is from a made up country called Slobovia, which I think is based on Slovakia or some other eastern-european country. A lot of the words are misspelled to make it seem like he has an accent. He travels to America with his father, Bogdown, on a ship full of black-market cheese puffs. When Voss arrives, he goes to the illegal Slobovian section and meets his fiancé from Slobovia, Leena, and her grandma. During all of this, Voss is being hunted by a man who is mad at him because Voss owes him $100,000 worth of black market cheese puffs. Out in the city, Voss opens a door for a girl who turns out to be a billionaire's daughter, and gets his first job as a paid friend, escorting her around town. This job would give him the money he needed to pay off his debt. Many more things happen in this book such as Voss’s father getting sick and going to a crazy hospital.
I think that Voss was an AMAZING book. It was very funny, and I just couldn’t stop reading it. It was exciting, and had a sense of adventure and mystery to it. I gave it 5 out of 5 stars because it kept me entertained the entire time. I recommend this book to everyone, especially people who are into funny books, books about immigration to America, mysteries, and books that are about escaping from bad guys. As you can see, this is a great book about lots of different ideas and genres put together. I hope you take time to start the book, because if you do I guarantee you will want to finish it!

[Brenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three parts Balki, one part Borat - Voss Vsklzwczdztwczky tells the tale of yet another fish-out-of-water. He is "smoggled" to America by his megamaniacal uncle (who believes he owns the entirety of the world) and his father from a fictitious Eurasian country.

Throughout the satire - written to resemble letters written by young Voss to his family - are phoenetical spellings of certain words, intended to reflect the writer's "accent." "Smuggled," for instance, becomes "smoggled." "This" becomes "thees." Et cetera. However, the accent finds itself getting lost when Voss is quoting another source. Also, it remains inconsistent - rhyming or compound words are spelled correctly.

Aside from expressing his own version of morality ("God ees God," explains Voss upon observation of a virile perfume which assumes the deity's moniker, and asking why American girls "dress like prostitute" at another point), Voss is just like any other goofy comedy based on un innocent en Amerique.

Still a fairly clever read, though the premise has been done to death. However, with the sheer mass of books far more worth one's time, this one falls very low amongst the stacks.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky tells this story through a series of "ladders" to his best friend Meero, left behind in Slobovia when Voss and his family illegally immigrated to the US in a freight container of "chiss poffs." Parts of the story are quite funny - though younger readers will certainly miss many of the references. I almost didn't finish this book, because it was so slow to read at the beginning. The accent is distracting, and for the first few chapters, it seems to be the only point of the story along with commentary about all kinds of American culture from an outsider's perspective. However, once Voss and his father and uncle are established in America, the plot begins, and things speed up, so the end of the book is quicker. Voss gets a job escorting the rich and famous Tiffany McBloomingdale, his father gets sick and ends up in a shady hospital facility, and Voss has to rescue him with the help of a taxi driver Awakan Singh, and two typical American teenage boys, Dood and Kyool...

[Lindsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Voss is an Eastern European illegal immigrant who comes to America in a container of smuggled imitation Cheese Puffs (Chiss Poffs, according to him) and encounters many adventures as he gets acquainted with the United Staets.

It's a lot like the movie Borat but without all the crude humor. The I-speak-and-write-in-my-accent-and-therefore-I-make-inadvertent-plays-on-words schtick gets old, although I found some parts genuinely funny when he's making innocent observations of American life. The Eastern European stereotype - not so funny.

It would be good for a reluctant boy reader, middle school or higher. The chapters are short, the story moves quickly, and it comes in just under 200 pages.

[Int'l librarian · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a young adult Borat primer. Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky is from Slobovia, where the women are shaped like fire hydrants and the national flower is the mustache. OK, I liked that last idea. And I laughed at most of the proverbs from Voss’ dad. My favorite was “Don’t count your chickens. You don’t have any.” There’s even a passable story here, in the rare moments when Ives tones down the cheap foreign accents. None of that makes up for the fact that the book is offensive. “Rural Eastern European women are massive. Many people are anuses. It’s OK to make fun of foreigners on one level, as long as you respect them on another.” Those ideas don’t make fun reading for me, so that’s the limit on how good this book can be.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started this book and found it irritating. The conventions used by the author to express the character's broken English were demeaning and insulting, both to the character and to me! "Aboard sheep," he writes, as he is bound for America on a cargo freighter. This is not the kind of mistake that would be made. I guess it is supposed to be comic and appeal to some aspect of having a sense of humor that I don't have.

But I picked the book up again when I got sick and had nothing else to read. It's a quirky little farce with a story that wouldn't actually happen, outrageous characters and bizarre events. It's not what I would want to read all the time, but I did like it.

[Courtney]

david ives rocks my world. i first discovered his genius when i saw a performance of some of his one act plays at the tender age of 14. i still have the beaten-up copy of "all in the timing" that i bought shortly after. this being said, i had high hopes for this book. i was not disappointed. in fact, i was laughing out loud most of the time and grinning the rest. and then i was reading bits out loud to people and making them laugh. brilliant satire! so happy he writes ya books so that i can get away with ordering them for my library. now to track down his other two ya novels...wasn't sure of the format at first, but it grew on me. this book made me happy, mostly!

[Ryan Stemple · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm sure that this book is brilliantly and bitingly hilarious, just like many of Ives' other works. But I'll admit, I didn't read past the first chapter of this one, because the schtick of this book is that it's written the way it's supposed to sound (I know there's a specific word for that, phonetically spelled, maybe?), which is Eastern European? And the spellings make it a guessing game at times as to what the word is supposed to be. It promises to be a very entertaining tale if you can get past that, but I didn't want to have to work at translating to get to the jokes and I'm sure many of you don't as well.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Vospop Vsklzwczdztwczky (AKA Voss) smuggles himself into America along with his father and uncle from the country of Slobovia. Voss' adventures in a new land will have kids laughing from the start. Clever word play and pop culture references help this satire easy readability, and I definitely found myself laughing out loud quite a bit. Although a few of the side characters are definite stereotypes, this book is still a fun time.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ah, Polonia, bless you for keeping my last name relatively uncomplicated, at least within that realm of Eastern European languages where vowels are used sparingly. I picked up this galley totally because of the protagonist's last name 'Vsklzwczdztwczky', and I stuck with it because it was a terrifically goofy farce of the variety where the innocent immigrant tries to portray American teendom in broken English and using all sorts of wicked malapropisms.

[Denise · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had higher hopes for this. For the first 30 pages it was pretty funny. Unfortunately it is the same joke played throughout the entire book: phonetic spelling of accents. It's told from the point of view of an eastern block immigrant and his experiences when he illegally immigrates to America. There are so many unlikely happy coincidences that I never really worried about anyone in the book turning out okay - in other words I didn't care.

[Hilary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Voss Vsklzwczdztwczky, smuggled over from (the fictional) Slobovia in a crate of imitation "chiss poffs", finds himself in the middle of a plot to save his father from a hospital that isn't as nice on the inside as it appears on the outside. Told in letters to his best friend Meero, the whole book is written with Voss' accent, with humorous mispronunciations and misspellings. In hilarious look at American culture through the eyes of an immigrant.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, irreverent, slapstick, satirical -- this is a very unique book about illegal immigrants! Not too many books actually make me laugh out loud, but this one did in parts. Voss' voice is unique and he writes his "ladders" home to fictional Slobovia in broken English. He turns out to be a very likeable character and despite the zaniness of the plot and the blatant stereotyping, the book has some important things to say about immigrants.

[Taj · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anybody out there that can overlook a few(okay a lot) of intentional spelling errors. It's the tale of a kid from a fictional country who smuggles himself to America illegally from a cheese puff smuggling and discovers the wonders and horrors of modern day USA. Voss is one of the best stories i've ever read and should have it's own movie(but that probrably won't happen =q). If you have a soul READ THIS

[Salsabrarian · Rating 3 out of 5]

On beginning this novel, I thought "well, this could be really offensive." It came off as a young teen version of the movie "Borat." But it turned out to be rather more substantial than that. An illegal immigrant boy from a fictional country gets caught up in the "movie" that is America and finds himself involved with a teen celebutante and caught up in the midst of a medical intrigue Light reading for when you're in the mood for goofy humor.

[Patricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a less-graphic take similar to that gross movie about the guy coming from a Slavic country to America; humorous if you can get past all the ridiculous dialogue at first. The story does pick up a bit and it actually does have a plot, just very light and silly, but is also a satire on the American way of life (?).

[Jenny T · Rating 2 out of 5]

Perhaps teenage boys would feel differently, but I just couldn't bring myself to finish this book. Vospop Vskzwczdztwczky (or Voss) is a 15-year-old immigrant from the fictional country of Slobovia -- the entire book is narrated in his "broken English", reminiscent of Borat. Not my cup of tea at all.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ridiculously hilarious. I imagine Voss and the other Slobovians speaking in an exagerated Greek accent, kind of like in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

It's so hilarious that I'm more than willing to overlook the fact that the letters-to-friend-at-home format doesn't make an ounce of sense if you think about the timing of the ends of the letters. *shrug* C'est la vie.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

So stinking funny. I laughed out loud many a time and read several passages out loud to those nearby. The plot was as light at a chiss poff, but who cares? Loved the was many of the names had significance: Bilias Opchuck, Thomas Mannsky, Doris X. Machina (appears at the end of the story :) ) and Stepin N. Klozdadorski. Very fun read.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

While by no means the most well-written book ever published, this was a thoroughly enjoyable read. I was laughing all the way through and I really cared about all the characters, not to mention the ridiculous Slobovian culture.
I recommend this to anyone who wants a quick, fun read. It's definitely one of those books that has value for its story instead of just being an empty humor book.