Slutever: Dispatches from a Sexually Autonomous Woman in a Post-Shame World

by Karley Sciortino

"Slut" is a great word. It just sounds perfect-so sharp and clear and beautiful. It's one of those satisfying four letter words, like cunt and fuck. Slut also happens to be an anagram for lust, which is one of those divine coincidences that makes you wonder if God actually exists.

We're lucky that slut is such a great word, because it's safe to say that almost every woman will be called a slut at least once in her lifetime. Despite a slowly shifting sexual double standard, it's still taboo to be a woman who's openly sexual-let alone one who sleeps around. Now Vogue columnist Karley Sciortino is on a mission to reclaim the word "slut" to represent a person who seeks out visceral experiences through sex, and who isn't ashamed about it. Sluts are special. Sluts are radical. And sluts are skilled at time management, because they can handle multiple partners on rotation, plus their jobs and their blogs and their beauty routines. Not everyone is qualified for this coveted position.

SLUTEVER is a call-to-arms, a confessional memoir, a slut manifesto, as told by a sex-radical hedonist in a pink PVC mini dress. It's a thoughtful, first-person account of a modern woman, navigating sex, love, casual hookups, open relationships,, bisexuality, BDSM, breakups, sex work, sex parties, and the power of sexual agency, as told from the front lines.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Sexuality, Audiobook, Biography Memoir, Queer

288 pages, Paperback

First published February 6, 2018

Reviews

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I began to pass this book by just on the face of it. Then I read the description and I got interested and thought, "well why not delve deeper?" So I went ahead and got it.

Vogue columnist and writer/producer Karley Sciortino knows her stuff when it comes to Slutology. It's been her area of interest as she developed along the way from high school in the US, finally escaping small town life to a brief attempt at university across the pond, then hanging out in London squats. She writes very intelligently yet in an entertaining way on what she does, and strongly believes in her right to sexual freedoms, sharing her attempts to find happiness in relationships in her chosen way of living.

When her visa expires then it's back to the states, New York to be exact, where she takes up with a new guy, but then meets another guy too. It's a unique book, very honest and blunt and not for the faint of heart, obviously. A look at how some people live who choose to be free sexually and write about it. There are lots of anecdotes of her experiences through the years, many told in a humorous way, not in a graphic style.

If you can't handle frank discussions of sex, porn, BDSM, threesomes, etc. then pass this book by. If you are interested in enlightenment, sexual freedom, kink talk, and more, then, by all means, check it out and also check out her other work. Sciortino founded "Slutever", a website that explores sexuality through both humor and intellect. She is also the creator and host of "Slutever", a documentary TV series, premiering on Viceland in 2018, that explores sexual behavior.

I was given an advance digital copy by NetGalley, Karley Sciortino, and Grand Central Publishing in return for my honest review. Publication date is Feb. 6, 2018

[Jeanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

YIKES! The intentions behind this book are nice and all, but the execution is clumsy and cringeworthy. All the sex positive stuff is great, until it shits the bed. Anti-sex worker slurs are used as pejoratives in the same breath as the author claims sex workers should be respected, then she goes on to present many of the same slut shaming anti-sex worker stereotypes as true but in a “good way.”

Then there’s the completely mishandling of rape culture or should I say “supposed rape culture.” Fuuuuck! There is a whole section where the author is essentially gaslighting survivors of sexual assault, while claiming to support them and saying it’s never okay to do it. But then goes on to imply that pain and trauma (which she invalidates by framing it as shame and regret) is just a natural part of sex and that we should just get over it.

The fundamental problem with this book is that, like much of White Choice Feminism it’s founded on the ignorant assumption that women can just will ourselves out of oppression, like it’s some Jedi mind trick and if we could just realize that sex is okay we will not have any problems with it ever again. This is a pleasant fantasy, but it ignore systemic and social pressure exerted upon women by outside forces. Not to mention intersections of oppression experienced by marginalized people (queer women, trans and nb folks, woc, etc.).

Being okay with your own sexuality doesn’t shield you from discrimination in your job, losing custody of your kids or guard against sexual assault.

Oh and bonus points for trivializing men’s experiences of sexual assault.

Despite the author identifying as bisexual, this is an extremely heteronormative cis essentialist take on sex, sexuality, and how it impacts our self esteem and sexual choices.

HARD FUCKING PASS!!!

[Heidi Wiechert · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Without question, if I weren't a slutty as I am, my life thus far would have been far less interesting. ... But my sluttiness has also been the cause of many existential bathroom-mirror moments." pg 8, ebook

Karley Sciortino, sex blogger and author, has led a self-described colorful life. It certainly comes through in this tell-all memoir.

Through her experiences, Sciortino has proudly embraced her sexuality and her place in society as a woman who knows what she wants in the bedroom, and takes it. This hasn't been a simple path.

Part of her struggles are society's views and programming about "slutty" women.

"It's a no-brainer that we're influenced by the people and stories that make up the culture around us. And it's difficult to cite an example, either real or fictional, of a happy, healthy, promiscuous person - let alone a woman." pg 8, ebook

The rest of her difficulties seem to stem from a lack of self knowledge or awareness. Sciortino isn't afraid to tackle any and all issues head on in her own unique way.

"...my goal isn't to be good or normal or accepted. My goal is to be free. (And maybe also to troll society a bit in the process, for good measure.)" pg 12, ebook

It took me a couple chapters to get into this memoir. Sciortino's writing style is frank to the point it sometimes feels abrasive, but it maintains an honest delivery throughout.

"My biggest revelation of the saga was that group sex is amazing for when you're drunk, because you can just take a time-out whenever you're bored or tired and someone else will literally take over for you. Genius." pg 24, ebook

The early part of the book is fixated on sexual experiences and experimentation. As she delves deeper into her underlying motivations and psychology, Sciortino begins to get to the heart of matters. That's when I felt this book became worth the read.

She had me asking myself some difficult questions: Why is sexuality such a complex issue? Why should people, in the privacy of their own homes and with proper consent, care what others think?

Why are there different standards for men and women?

And why is sexuality, which can play such a large part of the happiness in our lives, so difficult to talk about? (For some, not Sciortino, obviously.)

Recommended for mature readers who don't mind a nearly stream-of-consciousness style of writing as well as a thick skin to push through Sciortino's delivery to get to the meaning behind the words - because there is meaning to be found.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun read- there’s a lot of sex-positive, feminist content, and the broad message that women should be able to explore complex and unconventional sexual experiences and identities is important. Some of the execution was a bit clumsy, but overall it was a good time.

[Victoria (Latte Nights Reviews) · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

Initially I was intrigued because I thought this book was about reclaiming the word slut and the double standard women face, however, once I started reading I realized this is more of a memoir.

I also had issues with some of the comments the author was making. She was insensitive and making jokes about eating disorders and also made comments about underage girls being in sexual relationships with older men (just mentioned them, didn't talk about how wrong it was).

I also couldn't finish reading the book because it was so heteronormative, only talking about women in relationships with men, and at one point even made a joke about how if there aren't enough men that want to date sluts women can "just become lesbians" (which is not how sexuality works...).

[Whitney Hansen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This has been one of the hardest books to rate because there were so many quotations and anecdotes that I'd rate 5/5 followed by a plethora of problematic comments that I would rate -10000/5. Oofta. Overall, I'm happy to have read it but it took a lot of mental gymnastics to keep moving through the parts that were just immature and ignorant.

[Gideonleek · Rating 3 out of 5]

I find this Broad City/Amy Schumer ethos more appealing than the fake Catholic vibe a lot of people are on these days. It just seems like a healthier and more fun way to live your life.

[Olivia Hilyard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was either laughing, agreeing, or staring at the wall w "Jim Halpert face" because something I read was just so on point or over the top ridiculous

[Blanca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did NOT know what to expect when I picked this book up. I've dabbled in Karley's blog "Slutever" on and on since its conception, but I'd never been a "ride or die" fan. Mostly because I'm not sure I fall into the category of women Sciortino would refer to fondly as "sluts". In any case, this memoir is enthralling. From Catholic school in New Jersey to squatting in a loft in London to romping around New York, this is a memoir about modern sexual freedom. I couldn't put it down and read it in two sittings, which is kinda crazy. There's one section of the book I particularly like where Sciortino criticizes Lena Dunham for conflating sexual workers and human trafficking. Lots of good stuff in here.

[Sonia Reppe · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a #metoo world, I think it's refreshing when a woman proudly displays her sexuality and sexual choices, and in this case, her pro-slut stance and kinky confessions.

Karley is a sex blogger. (If you're looking for erotica, look to erotica writers. This was interesting but not arousing). Karley shares her experiences, a lot of them are weird and kinky as she was doing research for her blog, but mostly, this is about deviant and kinky sexual behavior in context of societal norms and psychology and history and all that. Karley cites several books on sexuality. Oh- and she is a big slut.

This article reveals much of the book: https://nypost.com/2018/02/03/this-do...

[Leoniepeonie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enthusiastically leant this book to a friend three years ago even though I was only half way through it myself (?????) and subsequently never got round to finishing it when she gave it back to me (?????) but I finally completed it. It's a good mix of badass, insightful and wholesome, and I really appreciated how well Karley captured her own voice - I could hear her speaking every sentence aloud in my head. Her frankness and openness came through really well and I appreciated her acknowledging that some of the stuff she'd done was problematic, but there were also times when I found some of her discussions a bit glib. Solid message overall and I enjoyed it.

[Elena Verity · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little treat for my 16 year old self who read this blog wide eyed in secret. If you read it generously think it has some good points but a bit far between. I liked the definition of a slut as someone who searches out visceral experiences via sex.

[Jakub · Rating 3 out of 5]

Autor je mrtvý, psal kdysi Barthes, jenomže teď je mrtvej Barthes, takže chudák ani neví, jak vypadá autorka téhle bichle: mrdavost auglí asi 12/10, nacpaná push-upka v až absurdně „su hot slut“ outfitu – vysvětluje na Vicu cosi o novém japonském trendu strkání křenu do řitě. Živá jak málokdo. Mě minimálně probudí vždycky, jak ju vidím.

Teď teda vidím spíše protažené xichty mých přátel na GR, kteří se všichni považují za woke people, jenom protože umí číst, ale já jen říkám, jak jsem jí poznal. S motivací k četbě to nemělo nic společného, protože přeci nejsem sexista, když mám mezi dívkami mnoho přátel, to dá rozum.

Já jsem akorát takový Jirka Babica feminismu: Když neučtete Judith Butler, tak si dejte Karley Sciortino.

Ona to vůbec není zlá knížka, hlavně je to úplně jinej žánr a jak říká Václav Klaus v České sodě, když losuje seznamy homosexuálů, to je žánr a žánr já respektuji.

Videa Sciortino na Vicu mě nikdy moc nebavila, články docela jo. Roky dělá blog Slutever, kde jsem četl nějaké dobré věci, teď tam občas kouknu na její tipy na četbu v rubrice This Week in Sex.

Ono to není jentak, psát o sexu, bych řekl. Dal jsem si úkol: napiš rychle tři lidi, od kterých jsi v Česku četl nějakou žurnalistiku spojenou se sexem. První dobrá, to jsem se málem skácel, co mě to proboha napadlo: Miloš Čermák, Michal Viewegh a další boys. Snad mě za to nezavřou. Druhá: Zhasni! od Wavu, což teda byl výbornej nápad, ale provedení mě unudilo, škoda. Třetí dobrá jsou progresivní pals, ale tam si přes články o MeToo (zaplať pánbůh za ně ofc) nevzpomenu na nějakou pozitivně laděnou disputaci na téma „politika strap-onu v lesbickém vztahu“; možná bych ještě dodal Silvii Lauder, co měla snad před rokem na titulku Respíče piece o ženském orgasmu, jenže to bylo tak spíše z vědeckého nebo jakého hlediska, zkrátka taky jinej žánr, snad kdyby Erik dal nějaký piece, no nic.

Takže jsem to zkrátka přečetl.

Holka z katolické rodiny kdesi v Americe, co je od mladí hladová po sexu, okolo dvaceti žije v Londýně a slovy Petra Bajzy zažívá různá dobrodružství, bydlí ve squatu, kde zkouší klasické squat-polohy jako je třeba 518, stěhuje se do NY, kde má pár konstitutivních vztahů, živí se jako domina, co chčije policajtům od rodin do mordy, pak robí keš jako suger-baby, mezitím píše na Slutever, pro Vice, pro Vogue, má dvouletý vážný vztah s holkou a na konci knihy, zhruba v Kristových letech, dochází k tomu, že nejlepší jsou fuck-buddies, bo to je nejvíc chill, nebo minimálně tak jsem to pochopil.

Všechno to popisuje skrze sex, něco je zbytečně zdlouhavé, něco je vyloženě nudné, něco je fakt zábavné, občas mohla jít více do hloubky. Rejpe do Leny Dunham, rejpe do platových podmínek Vicu a dalších hipster-periodik, říká svoje názory na pórek, BDSM, bisexualitu, popisuje své myšlenkové proměny.

Politicky vnímavějším čtenářkám a čtenářům bude vadit, že to je bílá holka flausící po Manhattanu, co píše pro Vogue o sexu s bohatými týpky a zlehčuje některá citlivá témata, ok, jenomže on to taky není akademickej piece, který chce vysvětlit strukturální potíže černošských samoživitelek nebo pojem seriality genderu, ale zábavná autobiografie, která se snaží lidem přístupnou formou – za cenu přehlížení některých věcí a barvotiskovosti – říct, ať se vykašlou na svoje vnitřní i společenské tlaky a dělají, co se jim líbí, protože tak je to ok.

Verdikt: škoda že to nevyšlo jako jako článek na pokračování v magáči mladé fronty dnes. To bych dal pět hvězd. Takhle to byl dlouhý článek, co v tobě nevyvolá hnutí jako pořádný kus literatury, teda vyvolá, ale jiný, jestli mi jako rozumíte ))))

/ Je vtipná. To u holek není častý, jak svýho času dobře popsali na Priglu. Třeba když vypráví, jak to je s koc jiný, protože s nima nejde např. fingovat orgasmus: "I swear, women have a sixth sense for telling when other women are faking it, even from like fifty feet away. With a dude, you can literally just be boiling pasta and then randomly say, “I’m coming,” and he’ll sincerely believe you. But with Alice, I could give an Oscar-winning performance and she would just laugh in my face."

// co by mě zajímalo do budoucnosti, je vývoj sexuality (a její veřejné reflexe) v Čechii, kdy píše, že o půl generace mladší Američani jsou už zase jinde (I’m pretty sure that everyone below the age of twenty-six identifies as a radical queer nongendered entity), tak jak to bude tady. Nevím.

[Leo Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used to live vicariously through this woman's blog when I was at uni studying chemical engineering and she was squatting in an abandoned warehouse in London and attending raves. I'm glad of her experiences for that purpose, haha! :D

[Gerta Rehfeld · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF for a number of reasons, but mainly the overall insensitivity and selfishness/narcissism of the narrator.

[Jaysen · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the opening manifesto, in regards to people who have a lot of sex or are open to the idea of sexual freedom, Karley writes, “It’s weird that you’re reading this book, but I respect you!” I now understand why she made that statement right at the start. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed reading about her wide variety of sexual experiences and encounters, written in her cheeky, stream of consciousness style that had me laughing out loud at times, I feel the book did have a few lulls, most of which came at sections meant to be thought provoking to the reader. However, being someone who shares similar opinions on feminism, sex work, casual blowjobs, etc. it felt as though I was sometimes sitting through a persuasive speech that I already agreed with the speaker on the topic, still entertaining, but not so enlightening.

[Mado · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was really good. I recognize that nine times out of ten, when people laud authors for "not being afraid to be politically incorrect!", they're usually praising nazis or nazi-adjacent folks. Consider this to be the tenth time. Karley has a firm grasp on reality and its societal constraints but isn't afraid to dream big and imagine possibilities for our future. She isn't afraid to express opinions that she knows detract from an ~ultra woke progressive queen~ image. I wish she was a bit more politically honest with certain issues she addresses like sex work, but I recognize that's not in her purview or interest. I'd recommend this to anyone who has a vanilla view of sex and wants to learn more about alternate sexualities and lifestyles.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've followed Karley Sciortino's blog for about ten (!) years now and although I haven't checked it in some time, when I remembered she had written a memoir I knew I had to pick it up, even if it were mostly a refresher of the most memorable parts of her stories. I was mostly right about that, but that's not a bad thing! Karley was always an inspiration for me to explore my sexuality and to not give a fuck about slut-shaming negative people. I've happily followed her since she was doing ketamine while squatting in a warehouse in the UK with a hoard of artists and weirdos, to her doing work for free (wtf) for Vice, and I'm really happy that she is successful now with her show, book, and now she has a column for Vogue (damn girl you made it!).

[Mona · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really had a hell of fun with this one. Laughed like a zillion times. But for real, DO NOT read this if super explicit (bdsm) sex practices creep you out.
-1 star because she‘s still kinda judgemental regarding some points like gen z’s sexual orientations & she‘s glorifying being overly thin (in men as her prefered body type) but that always resonates a bit too well with my eating disorder, so TW regarding that issue.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this fun (and sometimes laughable) memoir.

[Kevin H · Rating 4 out of 5]

"That's what I love most about you. You have a genuine capacity for amorality"

Maybe this book doesn't dig deep enough to be prophetic or influential but for pure entertainment and shock value this is absolutely worth a read.

[buck · Rating 1 out of 5]

ick.

a memoir of a woman who never learned anything.

how are you sex positive yet minimize sexual assault victims to people who just need to move on, make shitty gender and sexuality assumptions (makes a joke about just switching to lesbianism, it doesnt land), and nonchalantly mention sexual scenarios between minors and old men without any criticism?

wants to minimize the victim complex so much that she refuses to see these situations for what they are and treats everything like a joke…

this should have stayed private. Karley's Vice videos were great because her personality just works better in that format. in writing, she just seems a mean girl

read Julia Fox’s memoir instead. there’s actual character growth in it, and its just more interesting in general.

[Leib Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mental illness masquerading as sex positivity

Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2020

"A cautionary tale of mental illness masquerading as sex positivity, with some bits of interesting information."
••••••••••••
What this book feels like:
1. A very long justification of a woman with mental illness who ultimately ended up working as a prostitute;

2. A cautionary tale about what can happen when someone doesn't have good guidance.

It was presented as a woman who was sex positive, and was making a choice.

The writing format was, all the way until the end, approximately:

BIOGRAPHICAL EVENT-- COMMENTARY ON THE PHILOSOPHICAL UNDERPINNINGS OF EVENT - ANOTHER BIOGRAPHICAL EVENT - MORE COMMENTARY.

To be clear: I have no problems with women who are sex positive. (And that's handy, because they have existed for a very long time. and if you are working on screwing your way through the entire population of London and New York, why not get paid for it?)

At a minimum, sex positive women create low-hanging fruit that takes would be competitors out of the dating market for men who want a woman that has not been emptied into by >20 people even before finishing high school.

But in much the way that being transgender and being mentally ill are two different things that sometimes just happen to resemble each other: This author has some serious mental problems masquerading as sex positivity.

Among the jewels that the author presents for our perusal:

1. Having a damaged family: א)mother who has regular conversations with Jesus (schizophrenia??); ב) younger brother is a 26-year-old Vassar college grad (psychotic liberal arts college!) who is in a "throuple" with two people whose preferred gender pronouns are "they." (p. 212)

--and--

2. Going to college and dropping out in order to live with a bunch of hipsters who sustain themselves by squatting in abandoned factories and diving in dumpsters to find expired food.

--and--

3. Having a recurring nightmare where she ends up with a husband and two kids in the house in the suburbs. (Yep! That's a nightmare.)

--and--

4. She spent some number of years as an unemployed ketamine addict? (p.228)
*******

To this reviewer, at least, much of this is old wine in new bottles.

1. It is true, known, and knowable that being homeless is as much of a subculture as it is a result of circumstances. The same thing with drug addiction.

2. There is this familiar theme of Weird White People Seeking Inner Peace.

And they're the only ones who do these things, because they have enough disposable income to sit and find things about which to torture themselves. (As if they can't find enough fulfillment from getting the house note paid every month. And who was it that was paying for these trans-Atlantic tickets/study abroad, by the way?)

I think they can be reduced to two types:

--Type #1, like the author (she stayed homeless in London for 4 years, in spite of coming from a middle-class family), who have a "totalitarian" (p.52) family background and when they fall off, they fall off hard.

--Type #2, that grows up in a permissive household, and because they don't have any barriers to knock down they go even *further* looking for ones to knock down.

Just a sampling of the people that she lived with (just on pps. 46-47) and "fell in love with":

°°Someone who took her first acid Trip at 7 years old (with her mother's approval).
°°The Canadian bisexual obsessed with conducting satanic masturbation rituals using magical symbols known as "sigils."
°°An impressively flexible teenage ecstasy addict
°°Dan, the bearded political cartoonist who never showered and whose *beep* gave her a permanent yeast infection
°°Eastern European bike messenger graffiti stoner bros who spoke no English and rotated in and out of jail
°°A gay jewelry designer with a PhD in convincing straight boys to experiment with their sexuality
°°(p. 250): The beardy Scottish musician. ("He was gross in all the best ways. Once, I got my period while we were having sex, and instead of being disgusted he just reached down, grabbed a handful of blood, shoved it in my mouth, and violently made out with me.")

And I can't figure out why for the life of me it has to be that someone who wants to have a lot of sexual activity has to live in an abandoned building with/ copulate with people who don't shower.

*******

A sampling of her clients, when she was a sex worker:

°°°An Indian client who pays somebody $3,000 to orchestrate his own kidnapping and torture?
°°°A woman who has her wedding in a dungeon, "and rather than having put a ring on her finger she had her dress pulled over her head and her clit pierced with a diamond in front of 50 people." (p.139)

∆∆∆It all makes sense once we realize that mental illness and a high sex drive are two different things.∆∆∆

*******

For some reason, Jewish people show up over and over again here. (I can forgive her misunderstanding that not all Haredim are Hasidic.)
°°°(p.130) "I mean, how many times can you watch a Hasidic Jew lick his cum out of a dog ball before you start to get bored?"
°°°(p.140) "Yes, if you spend any time in New York's BDSM dungeons, you're likely to run into a lot of Hasidic jews. Stereotypes are often rooted in reality."

*******

There was some good information here, brought across by good writing.
1. The chapter on sadomasochism was..... interesting.
°°°"Sensual waterboarding?!?! (p. 144). Yes, there are people who like to get water boarded for sexual purposes.
°°° Masochism as therapy for people who were sexually abused as children?

2. Throughout: Lots of speculation about whether or not one can be a proper feminist and promiscuous / someone who likes to be objectified.

3. 2% of adult females in the United States are sugar babies? 3.25 million members on "Seeking Arrangement"? (p.155)

4. Some interesting questions about what is the line between sex work and normal sex. (p. 191).

*******

Takeaway Lesson #1: The Jewish way to raise kids is the best: when people don't have a clear path in life, they can waste a lot of time trying to find it.

Sciortino was 31 years old at the time she wrote the book, and she still wrote about "not knowing where she would be in five years."

(As many times as it has been figured out that the only outcome of all of life is senescence and death, it seems like that mistake has to be learned anew in each generation. I have an uncle who lived a life that is very similar to this woman, and he never raised a family. His Good times came to an end, and now as a 65-year-old man he has no idea what to do with himself.)

Takeaway Lesson #2: For parents: when your kids have mental problems, if you have other children... Your best bet is to just move on. (In point of fact, in these Orthodox Jewish communities in which I live it is not uncommon for a house with 7~8 children to have one of them who has problems. And parents make the decision to not allow that one lost cause to derail the relationship that they might have with their other 6~7 children.)

If you have several children, and one of them tells you that they want to be a stripper... Then just sit shiva for the child, move on and focus on the other ones.

Takeaway Lesson #3: Make a distinction between sexual autonomy and mental illness. If a guy thinks that he has stumbled onto that "perfect woman" he may be getting much more than he bargained for.

Takeaway Lesson #4: Too much of anything is not good. Be neither too strict nor too lenient with your kids.

Children who have no boundaries go in search of new ones, and children who have too many of them can overshoot trying to find out what is their right level.

Step with great care and tact in choosing your boundaries.

Takeaway Lesson #5: The stereotypes about people with mental/substance abuse problems working in the flesh trade really are true!

Verdict: This book was good for purposes of morbid curiosity, and not much else. For a better description of sex positivity and CLEAN open relationships... I would recommend Jenny Block's "Open."

Worth about $1.

[Anne-Marie Durand Tourigny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Between untold eye-opening stories and enlightening facts, Slutever hits the nail on the head by addressing many sex-positive feminism challenges together and contributing pieces of the puzzle. With humour and passion, Karley contributes to boosting open-minded visions on sex and modern relationships.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

The three stars are basically for being entertaining. I watched season 1 of slutever on tv, and I knew about Sciortino's blog although I hadn't read it. I think this book had a touch of the 'blog to book' scenario where the writing that passes muster online seems a bit subpar when you're reading it in a book. There's also a phenomenon here which made the work seem a little disingenous--I'll elaborate. So--Sciortino's wheelhouse is basically sex and she cites her own experiences extensively. I liked some of the stuff she writes about reclaiming the word 'slut' and how the conceptualizes her 'slut' experiences as just another way to learn about the world and herself, and she analyzes how women use sex to access power--all fine by me. But I guess for her to be credible as a sexual explorer or whatever, she has to create a persona that's relatable to her audience, and sometimes that seems to involve pretending to be naive about people or their sexual practices. Like at one point she's talking about her younger brother, and sort of adopts a 'Kids these days!!" tone, and actually observes that his sex life seems exhausting---but her readers are (if they're like me) also exhausted reading about her own sexual exploits, which at times just seem nihilistic when maybe they're supposed to be aspirational? Maybe that's just me... There's also a lot of 'this is feminist because I choose my choice' type stuff---which just doesn't go nearly deep enough for me. I'd like someone to write about how racism, classism, capitalism and patriarchy have actually impacted women's sexuality. I'm not criticizing this book for not being that book, but just observing this is pretty superficial. It's interesting to me that the author is a vogue.com columnist--I'm sure that's smart for vogue if they're courting younger readers, but it's strange because the writing is not that great AT ALLLLL.

[Brittany · Rating 2 out of 5]

For each semblance of insight, you have to slog through about 37 pages of choice feminism to get there which isn't really cutting it for me. The author explicitly dismisses cultural and political context in analyzing things and doesn't seem to take a particularly well-rounded or well-informed view of why anyone else does anything that's different from her own choices. It's actually kind of wild how oblivious she is to literally anyone else's experiences or preferences. She cites Camille Paglia as her favorite feminist though, so it all kind of makes sense in the end.

"But the reality is, if someone doesn't want to date me because I'm a slut, then he's clearly not the guy for me anyway. I don't care if some bro finds me less appealing because of how many partners I've had, or if he doesn't want to take me home to his mother. Because while my lifestyle may be unattractive to him, his ideals are unattractive to me."

"They argued that while embracing the slut persona might be chill and empowering within your own enlightened social circle of feminist bloggers and their beta male entourages, the rest of the world basically doesn't get the joke. So you might think you're being funny, but actually, you're perpetuating the sexual double standard. Essentially, this camp believes that in a world where women are hypersexualized, embracing the word slut is actually more of a surrender than radical act of resistance."

"Like, my goal isn't to be good or normal or accepted. My goal is to be free."

[Jenny Hartnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

“You can be a hedonist and still have composure. You can be a sec maniac and also be a decent human being who communicates your desires in a way that doesn’t offend anyone. You can be a slut with poise. You can even, is I’ve heard, be a slut with morals. You just have to get the dance right.”

“Visibility is power, because we cannot be what we cannot see.”

“Gay men and lesbians have already opened up the question of what qualities and roles are male and female in ways that can be liberating for straight people.”

“My greatest fear in life is being basic.”

Some of my favourites quotes from a page turning, laugh out loud eye opening book. Karley delivers some food for thought on a whole host of sexual subjects from BDSM, to flexible modern relationships. The openness of her writing allows you to have a true insight into her humour, history and thoughts for the future. In a world where most of these topics are still taboo, her ease of discussion forces you to rethink certain opinions you may have. Opinions which where more than likely dictated by the society you grew up in. You don't have to agree with everything she talks about, but one thing this book teaches you, is that respecting other people and their opinions, desires and sexuality is just the right, modern decent human thing to do.

Also, this book will bring you to her amazing docu-series "Slutever" on Viceland. Go. Now.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved and also had a hard time reading this book.

I loved when Karley was vulnerable with us and shared her deepest personal stories and experiences. Hearing her unabashedly talking about her desires and mistakes, relationships, and her internal struggle with not being 'basic' was refreshing and heartbreaking at once. Her humor and irreverence really worked in those passages.

Still, I finished the book wanting. I wanted more acknowledgement of how privilege affects sluttiness and identity, and whose desires are validated. I know this was meant to be personal memoir and not analysis, but since she's often defining and discussing stereotypes it would be great to see her break down some of those issues more.

She touches on privilege in sex work in The Whorearchy section in the chapter called Amoral Tale, but then the next chapter Slut to Bi talks about the strides we've made with LGBTQ acceptance and doesn't talk about privilege or oppression other than biphobia. The section Sexual Yoga leads us to believe that we're completely free to be you and me and talks about sexual fluidity data, but there's no mention of historical LGBTQ persecution.

Maybe I'm being over-expectant, but I hope she'll write more about her journey of learning about sluts with varying levels of privilege and how they pursue pleasure in our oppressive society today.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

As someone that works in reproductive health, I was super excited to read this. It started out pretty strong; she has an energetic, conversational voice. The chapter about dominatrixes was great. By the last two chapters I wasn't as charmed. There's a surprising judgey undertone to some of her non-sexual observations (and even some sexual ones, too), some of her interjections undermine what she's saying, and I guess I was expecting more musings on sexual exploration than a memoir (granted one about sexual exploration). I got confused in some parts; there were lots of people who came in and out of her life (pun semi intended). Great for a beach read for someone that is interested in musings about sex or her show on Vice.

[Beata · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting memoir. She goes and tries a lot of different ways of having sex, and it's good to hear about it. I listened to the audio book version, and she's definitely not the best narrator. A lot of upspeak which got annoying after a while. I'm a self-identified millennial, and even I got tired of her "Oh this is what we millennials do" tropes. She's also fairly hung up on her desire to have a traditional relationship despite wanting to try it all.

Overall it's entertaining and good to normalize alternative sexualities. It was funny and compelling and made me want to listen to it in 2 days despite its shortcomings.