May 2014. Here I was in the middle of the Amazon jungle at ~20:00 in complete darkness tripping on Ayahuasca. I was deep into my DMT-induced psychedelic journey with all points of reference lost, the concept of time non-existent, all of my memories, all understanding of life as we know it, gone. I had nothing to cling or hold on to. Not my name, language or even my own parents. Everything was shattered and destroyed - everything except for two names: Michael Jackson and [a person who will remain unnamed]. Those became my only anchors to this world. They meant nothing to me at that moment - just a collection of letters, if I even knew what letters were then. However, these names represented the only beacons that showed me where I departed from, so to speak.
I told this short story, because it amazed me that my subconscious somehow produced and let me hold on to these specific names, since I don't consider them to be my idols. If I could have chosen my own "beacons" I would have cast Hulk Hogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Ozzy Osbourne for those parts. But it just comes to show you that my subconscious tried to pick the biggest anchors possible and it probably made the right choice, because I love the Hulkster, Arnie and Ozzy, but they are not larger than life. Michael Jackson is LARGER THAN LIFE. You can love him, you can hate him - you may not even have an opinion on him, but you know the name, you heard the songs, you read the stories and you saw the face (one of them, at least).
That it why I decided to read this book: obviously I knew who he was, but I knew nothing about his life. After some half-assed research, I decided that this book is probably the most objective, thorough and balanced biography out there. And after reading it, I'm pretty sure I was right.
Among other things, the book presented a very comprehensive account of Michael's early years and childhood. For example, having grown up in Europe, I knew very little of The Jackson 5 and how successful the band of sibling was (even knocking off some Beatles' song from the charts on a couple of occasions). But those childhood years were not just interesting as trivia - they went a long way in explaining some of Michael's behavior in his later years. For example his aversion to normal sexual relationships as an adult may be attributed to the fact that, while touring with The Jackson 5, his brothers were fucking groupies three feet away from little Michael's bed in shared hotel rooms. Or how about his father cheating on their mother and almost bragging about it to their children. Those are only a couple of examples of the sexual content a child of Michael's age had to deal with on tour - teen girls and groupies were throwing themselves at the kid since he was only 10 years old. And to top it all off, he was exposed to all of this whilst his mother was trying to raise him in the puritanical traditions of Jehovah's Witnesses. How many shades of fucked-up would you grow up to be if you had to deal with that stuff at his age?
Of course, you can't have a Michael Jackson biography without addressing child molestation charges and accusation of pedophilia. I have to give credit to Mr. Taraborrelli, because even though he was obviously an MJ fan, we did his best to stay objective on this subject and didn't sugarcoat the evidence against Michael (like Jordie Chandler actually having an alarmingly detailed description of Michael's "private parts"). But even having plowed through hundreds of pages on this subject, you don't know if it was true or not. This book, more so than the Bible, is a true test of pure faith. You either believe he was an innocent manchild that just loved the company and friendship of kids, or you believe that he was a broken child molester. There is no way to be sure - no unequivocal evidence to prove one way or the other. But the scary thing about this situation is that pedophilia is such a horrible crime, that when you are accused of it, you are instantly on the defensive. It makes you automatically guilty until proven innocent in the arena of public opinion (not the other way around). And no matter how well you defend yourself, you will never be able to wash away the stench of this accusation. If you saw the 2012 movie The Hunt, you know exactly what I mean.
The author did his best to stay impartial, but it was tough for him, because he wants to believe that Michael is innocent. In my personal opinion, Michael was robbed of his childhood. A lot of people who don't accept it as an explanation for his fascination with children (including the author) point to the fact that when he was growing up, Michael did have toys and time to play, but playing with toys isn't what childhood is all about. Michael missed out on the most important part of those years: developing friendships and bonds with other kids of his age. Katherine and Joe [the parents] discouraged the young Jacksons from socializing outside their own family. How can you develop social skills when you've spent your entire boyhood confined exclusively to your family? I mean, there is no mention of a single friend from Michael's childhood. And the insane childhood he had is not only the root of his strange relationship with kids, but also the root of the many other faults he came to develop. I think that Michael grew up to be many things, good and bad. He was a genius performer, a fashion icon, a gifted dancer and singer - a bona fide Legend. But, the book made it clear, that he was also a narcissist with a huge ego, an attention-whore (to put it in ugly, but true terms) and a head case. What he was not, though, is a pedophile. So I choose to believe.