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The Secrets of All Secrets
Zane, a seminary and grad school dropout, obtains a USB drive left by a cloaked figure on a bridge in the middle of the night. Zane opens it, and a message offers him The Secrets of All Secrets. Such an offer is tantalizing, and Zane has nothing left to lose. The USB directs Zane to Florida where he encounters poor waitress Dali, who received an identical USB. Initially clashing, they band together, taking a chance that The Secrets are genuine as they receive more instructions from the USBs.
Four oddball government operatives, an extremely tall corporate executive with an extremely short, scholarly hit man in tow, and two crackbrained, fringe-element, anti-government separatists are after The Secrets, and are all willing to kill to get them. Zane, Dali, and their pursuers encounter an armadillo festival, visit a nudist resort, and hang out with a presumed dead 60s rocker. Pandemonium occurs at each venue, with Zane and Dali one step ahead of everyone until all parties convene for a climactic confrontation over The Secrets.
The Secrets of All Secrets is an uproarious jab at government, corporate, and fanatical entities and a wild, comedic ride that ridicules the lust for supremacy.
Four oddball government operatives, an extremely tall corporate executive with an extremely short, scholarly hit man in tow, and two crackbrained, fringe-element, anti-government separatists are after The Secrets, and are all willing to kill to get them. Zane, Dali, and their pursuers encounter an armadillo festival, visit a nudist resort, and hang out with a presumed dead 60s rocker. Pandemonium occurs at each venue, with Zane and Dali one step ahead of everyone until all parties convene for a climactic confrontation over The Secrets.
The Secrets of All Secrets is an uproarious jab at government, corporate, and fanatical entities and a wild, comedic ride that ridicules the lust for supremacy.
222 pages, Paperback
First published May 12, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 28, 2017
Well, maybe 2.5 stars. At first I was scratching my head to try to figure how someone who writes so well, at least in terms of grammar, sentence structure,etc. could throw together a story that had every cliche and stereotype you can imagine. Suddenly dawned on me that this is satire but it is way over the top. And that is saying something for someone who is a Dorsey and Hiaasen fan. Overcrowded with characters, unrealistic with regard to plot developments and a denouement that is both silly and unsatisfying. I did enjoy the Florida sense of place however as a resident of the wonderful, wacky state.
October 25, 2017
Absolutely loved this book. The characters are real. I found myself rooting for Zane and Dali from the beginning. I didn't see the end coming.
A must read book.
A must read book.
September 1, 2017
From the first word on the page this story will grab ahold of the reader while taking them on a long mysterious and hilarious ride that keeps you turning pages, pushing to see what happens next. Within “The Secrets of All Secrets” Author Douglas Wells gives readers a glimpse into the life of Zane, a seminary-school dropout searching for his place in the world. Those thoughts are quickly interrupted as Zane comes into possession of a flash drive that sends him on a thrilling journey in Florida.
While being chased by government agents, Zane travels to Florida and that's when the story really gets good. He meets Dali, a waitress who has received the same flash drive. The banter between the characters is witty and entertains as the reader follows along with Zane and Dali as they are guided down their path by the often sarcastic demands being made of them from the two flash drives. The story itself is lighthearted and fun, but with the added advantage of being exciting for the reader. It's also intelligent and just a well-written story overall.
Wells really shows a true talent for character development and placing a reader in the scene. And those scenes are usually a blast. Without going into too much detail, this story includes an armadillo incident, a nudist resort and a meeting with a 1960s music icon who was believed to be deceased. The crazy turns in this book alone make this story worth the read.
All the way through this book, the author finds a way to mix knowledge of literature, music and other art forms seamlessly into his prose. It's refreshing to see an author infuse his character with the understanding of various disciplines while still remembering to humanize the through dialog and scene.
This wild and entertaining story ends in the dramatic fashion it deserves and the reader is left feeling satisfied with the outcome because of it. Wells has put together a story that is fun and captivating without being too heavy handed. He has found a way to keep a story light while still making it suspenseful enough to keep the reader wanting to continue traveling through the pages. I would suggest this book to anyone who wants to enjoy a good read with an easy-flowing style and characters that are worth the ride. Do yourself a favor and give this book a try.
While being chased by government agents, Zane travels to Florida and that's when the story really gets good. He meets Dali, a waitress who has received the same flash drive. The banter between the characters is witty and entertains as the reader follows along with Zane and Dali as they are guided down their path by the often sarcastic demands being made of them from the two flash drives. The story itself is lighthearted and fun, but with the added advantage of being exciting for the reader. It's also intelligent and just a well-written story overall.
Wells really shows a true talent for character development and placing a reader in the scene. And those scenes are usually a blast. Without going into too much detail, this story includes an armadillo incident, a nudist resort and a meeting with a 1960s music icon who was believed to be deceased. The crazy turns in this book alone make this story worth the read.
All the way through this book, the author finds a way to mix knowledge of literature, music and other art forms seamlessly into his prose. It's refreshing to see an author infuse his character with the understanding of various disciplines while still remembering to humanize the through dialog and scene.
This wild and entertaining story ends in the dramatic fashion it deserves and the reader is left feeling satisfied with the outcome because of it. Wells has put together a story that is fun and captivating without being too heavy handed. He has found a way to keep a story light while still making it suspenseful enough to keep the reader wanting to continue traveling through the pages. I would suggest this book to anyone who wants to enjoy a good read with an easy-flowing style and characters that are worth the ride. Do yourself a favor and give this book a try.
October 27, 2017
A real comedy caper this book had me chuckling from start to finish!
The author draws you a long on a modern day treasure hunt for the ultimate treasure! Zane and Dali pursue The Secrets of All Secrets with three sets of hapless yet dangerous tailgaters in the most amusing way! Not flustered by the danger they are in they encounter and converse with their trackers throughout the story whilst always trying to stay one step ahead to evade them.
The story is a tongue in cheek jab at the government, the extremists and corporations of America that will have you giggling to yourself throughout and the authors ability to make you warm to the hapless pursuers just adds to the light hardhearted comedy of the book.
I found the dialogue to be quick witted and smart and Well’s ability to build solid characters is evident throughout! He is a talented storyteller and his scene building in Florida was a clever move due to the diverse nature of the state.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and it is difficult to write a more detailed account of the plot without giving away some of the comedy of the story so I will let you explore that for yourself but just know this…If you want a good chuckle at the establishment during our current gloomy times then there is no more fitting read than this!
Disclosure: The Pursuit Of Bookiness received a copy of this book free of charge in return for an honest review. All opinions are our own
The author draws you a long on a modern day treasure hunt for the ultimate treasure! Zane and Dali pursue The Secrets of All Secrets with three sets of hapless yet dangerous tailgaters in the most amusing way! Not flustered by the danger they are in they encounter and converse with their trackers throughout the story whilst always trying to stay one step ahead to evade them.
The story is a tongue in cheek jab at the government, the extremists and corporations of America that will have you giggling to yourself throughout and the authors ability to make you warm to the hapless pursuers just adds to the light hardhearted comedy of the book.
I found the dialogue to be quick witted and smart and Well’s ability to build solid characters is evident throughout! He is a talented storyteller and his scene building in Florida was a clever move due to the diverse nature of the state.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and it is difficult to write a more detailed account of the plot without giving away some of the comedy of the story so I will let you explore that for yourself but just know this…If you want a good chuckle at the establishment during our current gloomy times then there is no more fitting read than this!
Disclosure: The Pursuit Of Bookiness received a copy of this book free of charge in return for an honest review. All opinions are our own
December 7, 2017
Zane is a struggling musician going nowhere. Then, one night, he finds a USB flash drive on the bridge. As soon as he takes it home and inserts it into his laptop, something strange happens. Apparently, it knows him and brings up a message:
You have been entrusted to learn The Secrets of All Secrets. Once you know them, you will know everything. This will require you to embark on a journey that will be fraught with danger and mystery, but there will be exhilaration from which you will get the ultimate buzz.
To learn the secrets of all, including the meaning of life? What the heck does that mean? Sounds very Moses.
This then begins the complex and weird journey for the meaning of life. Sounded pretty lame to me. Unfortunately, as we dive deeper into the story, it doesn’t get much better. It was kind of hard to keep up and hold any kind of interest in the characters, especially Zane, who struck me as this lazy doofus just looking for an easy way out. Plus, all the messages on the USB were very cryptic and confusing, which only enhanced my annoyance.
Was this really about God? God, I hoped not. At first, this sounded like an interesting travel mystery, but it fell really flat, which was what I’d kept hoping would happen to Zane.
You have been entrusted to learn The Secrets of All Secrets. Once you know them, you will know everything. This will require you to embark on a journey that will be fraught with danger and mystery, but there will be exhilaration from which you will get the ultimate buzz.
To learn the secrets of all, including the meaning of life? What the heck does that mean? Sounds very Moses.
This then begins the complex and weird journey for the meaning of life. Sounded pretty lame to me. Unfortunately, as we dive deeper into the story, it doesn’t get much better. It was kind of hard to keep up and hold any kind of interest in the characters, especially Zane, who struck me as this lazy doofus just looking for an easy way out. Plus, all the messages on the USB were very cryptic and confusing, which only enhanced my annoyance.
Was this really about God? God, I hoped not. At first, this sounded like an interesting travel mystery, but it fell really flat, which was what I’d kept hoping would happen to Zane.
July 24, 2025
Douglas Wells delivers a deliciously chaotic and humorous adventure in The Secrets of All Secrets. Zane, a disillusioned dropout, and Dali, a struggling waitress, are two unlikely heroes pulled into a whirlwind of mysterious instructions, absurd adversaries, and outrageous encounters from nudist resorts to armadillo festivals. What starts as a curious offer from a USB spirals into a larger-than-life satire on power, control, and the institutions that seek it.
The novel is unpredictable, quirky, and daring in tone a true ride for fans of dark comedy with a conspiratorial twist. The chemistry between Zane and Dali feels refreshingly human amidst the madness. Highly recommended for readers who enjoy unconventional storytelling.
The novel is unpredictable, quirky, and daring in tone a true ride for fans of dark comedy with a conspiratorial twist. The chemistry between Zane and Dali feels refreshingly human amidst the madness. Highly recommended for readers who enjoy unconventional storytelling.
March 6, 2018
An amusing read with a quirky plot.
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June 12, 2019paper
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews