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by Ilse Sand

Highly sensitive people, with supportive and caring natures, spend a lot of time trying to balance their surroundings, including the emotions and wellbeing of those around them. While highly sensitive people are well-suited for the role of "helper," this practice can be particularly exhausting, if not regulated. This book contains a variety of tools geared toward self-development and optimizing a helpful and supportive conversation in professional therapeutic settings or personal relationships.

This practical guide demonstrates how to use simple psychotherapeutic methods through supportive dialogues, which can be applied by anyone without any formal training. Written in easy language with real life examples and practical exercises, this will serve as a handbook for highly sensitive people who provide help either on a professional or personal level.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology

136 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2014

About the author

For many years Ilse Sand has been engaged in counseling highly sensitive people both as a pastor and as a psychotherapist.

Before she became a psychotherapist, public speaker and author, Ilse worked as parish pastor under the Danish National Church for eleven years until 2006.

lIlse Sand has a Master’s Degree in Theology from Aarhus University, where her Master’s thesis was based on the works of Swiss Psychiatrist C.G. Jung and Danish Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard. The works of Jung and Kierkegaard has had an impact on both her personal life as well as her professional life and writing.

Through her work as a pastor, Ilse Sand became interested in helping people on a deeper level, and she became educated in psychotherapy within Gestalt Therapy, Cognitive Therapy and Psycho Dynamic Therapy among others.

Reviews

[Anusha Narasimhan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a highly sensitive person who frequently attracts people's confessions and complaints, I constantly get shrouded in secondhand negative emotions. This book has actually helped me in changing my mindset and coping with other people's problems.

Big thanks to the publisher for giving me a free copy!

[Roger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is aimed at facilitators and people who have the vocation to help alleviate the suffering of other people, but who have the characteristic of being highly sensitive and with empathic abilities. These two traits allow these people to perceive more acutely the problems of others but also collect many sensations that make them feel over-stimulated, out of center and drained energetically faster.
Lately there has been a lot of interest in these subjects about highly sensitive people with empathic abilities, there are many disciplines that are doing research. This book in particular provides simple psychotherapeutic methods to be less affected when we help others and also for our personal development. Many of the tools can be used by anyone and some only by professionals. For example, one of the situations in which the use of tools is explained with examples is dealing with anxiety or even panic anxiety.
The higly sensitive caring human beings who want to help and live in a better world are very valuable, as are their empathic abilities, but they have slightly different needs and it is fundamental that they remain in balance, that they have tools to support themselves and develop a mentality Self-care. The most revealing and sensitizing chapters for me have been chapter 9 that encompasses the important traits and problems faced by this type of people; And Chapter 10 that addresses the challenges for the highly sensitive helper and practices and tools that can help protect themselves from being overwhelmed.
My gratitude to the Publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to review the book

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Myšlenka dne: "Náš vnitřní život se bude v různých dobách projevovat různě. V roli pomocníka se někdy ukáže jako radost projevující se myšlenkou 'Dobře, že to nejsem já'. ... Je jednou ze 'zaměstnaneckých výhod' při poskytování pomoci druhým, že jsme stále znovu upomínáni, kolik problémů sami nemáme..."

[Ilkim Markoç]

As a highly sensitive personality I found a lot about myself. It helped me to make sense of these feelings and situations.

[Yu · Rating 4 out of 5]

覺得是一本很適合推薦給社工或對這方面感興趣的讀者，比起解釋什麼是高敏感，更偏向是告訴你如何去解決，書中提到一些具體的技巧和原理，像是空椅法、鏡映、沉默等等。

[Sesamelife · Rating 4 out of 5]

「對話中的暫停休息是彌足珍貴。暫停能帶來洞見和喘息空間，能帶來你覺知自己和消化剛才談話內容所需要的深度和平靜。我們並不習慣在交談時暫停休息。往往各自都還來不及把話說完，大家就互相打斷彼此說話。也可能我們一面聆聽，一面想著自己接下來要說什麼，以致於交談結束時，各自都感到深深挫折，因為各自都覺得別人沒有真正聽到自己在說什麼，或沒有認真對待自己。就算這類安靜的暫停似乎很無聊，它確實能為對話賦予一定的品質。」

「高敏感族往往更願意按捺自己，更願意去體會對方此刻的感受，並提供富同理心的共鳴，在協助別人時，這些統統是彌足珍貴的。

如果你厭倦了傾聽和吸收，你可以改變做法，可以變得更積極或暫停休。別任由別人濫用你傾聽他們和吸收他們感受的天賦，不然你最後可能會淪為一把杖，而非有建設性的助人者。你所協助的對象也必須要有意願去盡力改變自己的處境才行。」

「請記得也要把你的同理心天賦用在你身上。請練習像感受別人需要那樣多感受你自己的需求。好好照顧你自己是，也永遠都該是，你優先順序中的第一名。不然你長期下來恐怕會變成別人的難題，因為你可能最後會因而運作不良，或甚至病倒了。

一旦你取得最佳平衡，並付出你能力所及的付出，也學會因此而感覺很好，就算一年只協助別人一個小時，一旦你發現你有能力協助別人盡情揮灑他們自己，你將會感到極大的喜悅和成就感。」

書內總共有十章，講述高敏感族的日常生活規則，甚至了解如何將高敏感的自己從一些傷害中抽離，愈是有同理心的人們，愈是沒辦法不在乎他人的想法，以至長久以來受到相對程度上的壓力及焦慮。作者以自身為高敏族的視角，透過不同真實的案例，歸納出一些有助安撫內心的脆弱與不安的方法。

對於高敏族的人比較一般人更容易產生內在消耗，故此能在書中學懂某些有效的方式，的確有助與高敏族溝通及相處，能讓他們更能意識以至有效地發揮自己的天賦，並欣賞自己所做的事。

大約兩至三年前讀過關於此書的書介，那時的我還未進入高敏族的行列，直至在這幾年間，內心無意地變得敏感及脆弱，對很多事情易怒、無法理解他人的處事方式及態度、對獨處需求變得更高、多時出現心累的狀態。剛好在書架上看到了它，為了能融入自己內在的變化、懂得與自己溝通，於此段時間讀過了很多關於了解內在心靈的書籍，認識不同階段的變化，以此安撫那個脆弱的自己。

原來有時是無法意識自己正在受傷，就當沒有即時處理、未受到包扎的傷口，在經過一段時間後才突然演變成疤痕，為著傷口的緣故下了些功夫，但又能抹去多少已留有的痕跡？說到此，就是剛好給了自己一個大大的擁抱。

關於情緒的所有課題，能向他人有技巧地表達清楚自己的需求，其實是要慢慢學習的，尤其對於那些非常介意他人說話的人更甚。

為免引起不必要的衝突，可以的話，先了解自己，找到正確方法解決自我內心深層問題，並學習與自己溝通、與自己相處，將學到的溝通技巧運用到與他人對話上，利用實戰經驗豐富人生及幫助他人建立一個更好的對話方式，也來引導他人認識自己更多，發現自己的期望與需求，都不失為一個為關係而努力的實踐方法。