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No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls
In this Queen Bees and Wannabes for the elementary and middle school set, child and adolescent psychotherapist Katie Hurley shows parents of young girls how to nip mean girl behavior in the bud.
Once upon a time, mean girls primarily existed in high school, while elementary school-aged girls spent hours at play and enjoyed friendships without much drama. But in this fast-paced world in which young girls are exposed to negative behaviors on TV and social media from the moment they enter school, they are also becoming caught up in social hierarchies much earlier. No More Mean Girls is a guide for parents to help their young daughters navigate tricky territories such as friendship building, creating an authentic self, standing up for themselves and others, and expressing themselves in a healthy way.
The need to be liked by others certainly isn't new, but this generation of girls is growing up in an age when the "like" button shows the world just how well-liked they are. When girls acknowledge that they possess positive traits that make them interesting, strong, and likeable, however, the focus shifts and their self-confidence soars; "likes" lose their importance. This book offers actionable steps to help parents empower young girls to be kind, confident leaders who work together and build each other up.
Once upon a time, mean girls primarily existed in high school, while elementary school-aged girls spent hours at play and enjoyed friendships without much drama. But in this fast-paced world in which young girls are exposed to negative behaviors on TV and social media from the moment they enter school, they are also becoming caught up in social hierarchies much earlier. No More Mean Girls is a guide for parents to help their young daughters navigate tricky territories such as friendship building, creating an authentic self, standing up for themselves and others, and expressing themselves in a healthy way.
The need to be liked by others certainly isn't new, but this generation of girls is growing up in an age when the "like" button shows the world just how well-liked they are. When girls acknowledge that they possess positive traits that make them interesting, strong, and likeable, however, the focus shifts and their self-confidence soars; "likes" lose their importance. This book offers actionable steps to help parents empower young girls to be kind, confident leaders who work together and build each other up.
336 pages, Paperback
Published January 30, 2018
317 people are currently reading
2113 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
May 13, 2023
I found it very hard to get engaged with this. It isn't terrible or anything. It just felt like I was getting very little return on investment for my reading time. A lot of the insights felt kind of, well, obvious. That's a tricky thing with parenting and parenting books because lots of things that seem obvious to me are clearly not obvious to every parent. Everyone has to learn somewhere and maybe this book will work better for other audiences.
But here's an example of what I mean:
I mean...if you need a book to tell you that those things warrant a closer look at what's going on with your kid I'm not sure what to tell you.
A few other reviews have mentioned that many of the activities feel a bit too much like counselor/therapy activities that might not fit the a family vibe. I can definitely see where those concerns are coming from.
A lot of the chapters focus on how we as parents can be part of the problem. Are we forcing them to be perfectionists? Are we labeling them as "sporty" or "bookish" and then they feel it necessary to live up to the labels we give them? Do we tell our daughters not to climb trees because it is dangerous?
These are all good points. But you can easy find yourself skipping entire chapters feeling like they have nothing to offer you. You're not a parent who tells your daughter not to climb trees, so might as well skip all of chapter 3.
It isn't all bad -- it has good stuff on helping to explain to young kids how sarcasm can hurt or the difference between light hearted teasing and taunting that goes too far. It just felt like a lot of reading to find those kernels of good stuff in between all the meh.
But here's an example of what I mean:
Be on the lookout for these signs that a young girl might be the victim of relational aggression:
- Anxious or nervous behaviors (nail biting, hair twirling, clinging)
- Psychosomatic complaints such as headaches or stomachaches, especially before school or social events
- Often alone during lunch and appears to lack friends
- Appears withdrawn or depressed
- Avoids recess or sits alone at recess
- Change in academic performance
- Acts out in class or at home
- Talks about having no friends or being "hated"
- Talks about death or engages in self-harm behaviors such as cutting
I mean...if you need a book to tell you that those things warrant a closer look at what's going on with your kid I'm not sure what to tell you.
A few other reviews have mentioned that many of the activities feel a bit too much like counselor/therapy activities that might not fit the a family vibe. I can definitely see where those concerns are coming from.
A lot of the chapters focus on how we as parents can be part of the problem. Are we forcing them to be perfectionists? Are we labeling them as "sporty" or "bookish" and then they feel it necessary to live up to the labels we give them? Do we tell our daughters not to climb trees because it is dangerous?
These are all good points. But you can easy find yourself skipping entire chapters feeling like they have nothing to offer you. You're not a parent who tells your daughter not to climb trees, so might as well skip all of chapter 3.
It isn't all bad -- it has good stuff on helping to explain to young kids how sarcasm can hurt or the difference between light hearted teasing and taunting that goes too far. It just felt like a lot of reading to find those kernels of good stuff in between all the meh.
September 18, 2019
Self help and parenting books do not have a great track record for me. There’s usually a lot of eye rolling and facepalming on my part. There was none of that with this book. I read this book because my daughter is just about in pre-teen hood and there was already some mean girl drama among the girls in her class last year. I wanted to start seeing if there were ways I could help or at least be prepared to respond in positive ways as both her mother and as a Girl Scout troop leader. This book is so positive and so actionable. It’s also an enjoyable read as opposed to giving you nightmares about the middle school social scene. It reminds you that girls are girls and whether they are the “mean girl” or the “victim” they have feelings and motivations. It also reminds you that it isn’t always as cut and dry as mean girl/victim. That there are ‘t necessarily Regina Georges as there are Cady Herons who think they are the good girl but they can be just as damaging. This book has good tips and activities and even conversation starters. I almost wish this was a book I owned rather than checked out of the library. I will definitely be saving some of the activities she suggests for Troop activities and maybe just afternoons with my girl. So I’ll close out this review with an “I statement” since that is such a big part of this book: “I feel that reading this book was a really good use of my time.”
June 11, 2025
One of my friends saw me reading this and said, "Isn't it just intuitive? Why do you need to read a book?" Jokes on her because this book is full of useful information for raising girls. I purchased this when my daughter was around 2-3, I believe and had started it once before this but finally got around to finishing it now that my daughter is almost 7. 🤣 But to be clear, this is not a reflection of the book itself... Just how badly I needed the advice in it right now.
One chapter in particular I found immensely helpful. So much so that I made my husband read that chapter as well, as our trio has been stuck in a conflict cycle that was harming us. This chapter helped us reframe our thinking about our daughter's behavior and also gave us really clear strategies for helping her (and thereby us). Can't speak highly enough about this!!
One chapter in particular I found immensely helpful. So much so that I made my husband read that chapter as well, as our trio has been stuck in a conflict cycle that was harming us. This chapter helped us reframe our thinking about our daughter's behavior and also gave us really clear strategies for helping her (and thereby us). Can't speak highly enough about this!!
April 9, 2019
Every time I read a parenting book, I read it with my aspirational self in mind. As in, if I'm living with perfect patience, time and resources, I can practice the lessons provided in this book. So, I really liked the final sections of each chapter where Ms. Hurley would provide a list of practical ways to incorporate each idea she had just discussed. They seem easy enough to do at any time. My daughter is still very young, so I hope to keep these lessons in mind when they are needed. But many of the issues described in the book really pertain to boys too. Social media seems to be increasing relational aggression among boys, so I am certain to use many of these tools with my sons too.
September 14, 2023
Surprisingly insightful without being dumb or self righteous, traps that I feel many parenting books fall into. Nothing new or earth-shattering but really good actionable advice.
September 16, 2023
audiobook - my empathy for younger me and for all girls has skyrocketed 👑🎀💕
June 10, 2018
I am a high school and preschool teacher and a parent of a boy, 10 and a girl, 9. I checked this book out of our local library, but less than half-way through, I had marked so many sections with sticky notes that I figured I should just buy myself a copy so I could underline and mark up what I wanted for future reference.
Anyways, I found this book very helpful, especially because it actually is giving you things to DO with your girl or a group of girls. I would recommend for teachers, parents, and also anyone who works with girls -- coaches, Girl Scout troop leaders, camp counselors, etc. There really are a lot of good ideas in the book for things you can do in those kinds of settings.
I also found that a lot in this book also would apply to boys too. Many of the activities can be done with a boy or modified slightly for boys. In the chapter "Like Versus Likable," for example, she talks about self-esteem. The list of "Sneaky signs of low self-esteem in girls" I cannot imagine do not also apply to boys -- negative self-talk, overly critical of skills or efforts, pessimistic statements, body language that lacks confidence, lack of effort or giving up easily, avoidance behaviors, overly apologetic, overreacts to constructive criticism or feedback, difficulty accepting praise, etc. This sounds so much like my son. And this: "If your girl (or boy) struggles in school, even just a little bit, there's a solid chance that what she perceives as her lack of ability is chipping away at her overall self-esteem. Middle childhood is a developmental stage characterized by building competencies. If your girl (boy) struggles in the place where she spends most of her waking hours, she's likely to feel deflated as a result."
There is so much in this book I found helpful. I do agree with some of the reviews about the author's tone coming through as a little self-righteous at times, but I wouldn't say it takes away from the book to the point that you shouldn't read it. If you have a girl (or boy!) in the middle childhood years, this is definitely worth taking time to look at.
Anyways, I found this book very helpful, especially because it actually is giving you things to DO with your girl or a group of girls. I would recommend for teachers, parents, and also anyone who works with girls -- coaches, Girl Scout troop leaders, camp counselors, etc. There really are a lot of good ideas in the book for things you can do in those kinds of settings.
I also found that a lot in this book also would apply to boys too. Many of the activities can be done with a boy or modified slightly for boys. In the chapter "Like Versus Likable," for example, she talks about self-esteem. The list of "Sneaky signs of low self-esteem in girls" I cannot imagine do not also apply to boys -- negative self-talk, overly critical of skills or efforts, pessimistic statements, body language that lacks confidence, lack of effort or giving up easily, avoidance behaviors, overly apologetic, overreacts to constructive criticism or feedback, difficulty accepting praise, etc. This sounds so much like my son. And this: "If your girl (or boy) struggles in school, even just a little bit, there's a solid chance that what she perceives as her lack of ability is chipping away at her overall self-esteem. Middle childhood is a developmental stage characterized by building competencies. If your girl (boy) struggles in the place where she spends most of her waking hours, she's likely to feel deflated as a result."
There is so much in this book I found helpful. I do agree with some of the reviews about the author's tone coming through as a little self-righteous at times, but I wouldn't say it takes away from the book to the point that you shouldn't read it. If you have a girl (or boy!) in the middle childhood years, this is definitely worth taking time to look at.
January 30, 2019
Honestly this book made me a bit queasy - written by a counselor in a school setting who has been seeing 'mean girl' behaviors move down to early elementary grades or even preschool. She also gives real strategies and talking points/activities to help counter it, although the subtitle "The Secret..." is a bit oversold. Obviously, as with most complicated life issues, there is no one magic secret. Mostly it comes down to (1) recognizing your own baggage as a parent and (2) helping to build true self esteem, emotional regulation, and relationship skills. Some specific points that stayed with me:
-importance of downtime/unstructured time
-role playing as a technique
-being aware of what I am modeling for her
-importance of downtime/unstructured time
-role playing as a technique
-being aware of what I am modeling for her
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May 28, 2025Nie dajcie się zmylić okładce i konstrukcji tytułu - to nie jest kolejny poradnik z banalnymi receptami na „dziewczęce dramaty”. „Wredne dziewczyny i twoja córka. Jak wspierać jej siłę, pewność siebie i empatię” Katie Hurley (tłum. Aleksandra Haduła, Wydawnictwo PWN) to pogłębiona, oparta na badaniach i doświadczeniu klinicznym analiza społecznych, psychologicznych i kulturowych wyzwań, przed którymi stają dziewczynki – oraz ich opiekunowie. Jako pedagożka widzę w tej publikacji nie tylko materiał do pracy z dziećmi, ale i narzędzie do samorefleksji dla dorosłych. Jako matka – dostrzegam bolesną trafność w opisach codziennych dylematów: wykluczenia, rywalizacji, potrzeby przynależności i lęku przed odrzuceniem.
Książka stanowi hybrydę gatunkową – łączy esej społeczny, narrację terapeutyczną i opowieść autobiograficzną. Wpisuje się w nurt literatury troski – osadzonej w pedagogice relacyjnej i feministycznej etyce codzienności. Hurley mówi jako matka, terapeutka, edukatorka i badaczka. Jej „ja” narracyjne to nie autorytet, lecz sojuszniczka. Operuje językiem empatycznym, lecz nie infantylizującym. Przeplata dane z badań (m.in. Dove Self-Esteem Fund z 2008 r.) z cytatami dzieci, praktyką gabinetową i osobistą perspektywą rodzicielską.
Już pierwszy rozdział – „Po czym poznać przyjaciółkę?” – pokazuje, jak wcześnie w życiu dziewcząt pojawia się agresja relacyjna. To nie domena licealistek, jak przestawiają to młodzieżowe seriale: królowe pszczół rządzą już w przedszkolach. Dla nauczycieli to przypomnienie, jak łatwo przeoczyć przemoc symboliczną. Dla rodziców – ostrzeżenie: słowa, gesty i spojrzenia ranią równie głęboko jak ciosy.
„Jak być lubianą”– to rozdział, który demaskuje mit popularności. Hurley pokazuje, że dziewczynki uczą się, iż bycie lubianą wymaga dopasowania, lojalności wobec liderki i rezygnacji z własnego zdania. Tożsamość oparta na akceptacji grupy okazuje się krucha – i podatna na manipulację.
Autorka analizuje lęk przed podejmowaniem ryzyka. Dziewczynki wycofują się z wyzwań nie dlatego, że brakuje im umiejętności, lecz dlatego, że boją się zawieść. Porażka urasta do rangi zagrożenia tożsamości. Hurley proponuje ćwiczenia: karty odwagi, patyczki z mikrowyzwaniami – proste, lecz efektywne strategie wychowawcze.
Rozdział o perfekcjonizmie – to jeden z najmocniejszych fragmentów książki. Hurley nie krytykuje ambicji, lecz pokazuje, jak bardzo narracja „musisz zawsze dać radę” odbiera dziewczynkom przestrzeń na rozwój. Jako matka z bólem czytam historie dziewczynek, które wolą nie próbować, by nie zawieść.
W książce znajdziemy też część celebrującą różnorodność: sportsmenki, artystki, liderki i introwertyczki – każda droga jest dobra, o ile nie została narzucona z zewnątrz. To rzadko spotykana afirmacja pluralizmu tożsamości dziecięcych.
Kolejne fragmenty Hurley poświęca tematowi budowania autentycznego „ja” i presji sukcesu. Autorka demaskuje kult produktywności, który wdziera się do dzieciństwa. Dzieci porównywane do rówieśników uczą się, że wartość równa się wynikom. Lepszą drogą jest budowanie odporności psychicznej i wewnętrznej integralności.
Rozdziały ósmy i dziewiąty uczą mówienia własnym głosem. Hurley proponuje „ja-komunikaty”, strategie stawiania granic, ćwiczenia z ekspresji emocjonalnej. Trafnie punktuje, że wiele dziewczynek milczy, bo nie czuje się słyszana. Kultura „grzecznych córek” okazuje się systemem opresji: głos staje się niepożądany, jeśli nie wpisuje się w normę uległości.
Książka przełamuje także tabu porażki. Hurley odczarowuje ją jako doświadczenie rozwojowe. Zachęca do prowadzenia „dziennika prób”, doceniania odwagi – nie tylko efektów. To rozdział wymierzony w szkolną kulturę oceniania. To także apel do rodziców: bądźcie przy dzieciach, nie ponad nimi.
We ‘Wrednych dziewczynach” znajdziemy też kilka słów o przywództwie – nie w wersji dominacyjnej, ale empatycznej. Dziewczynki mogą przewodzić nie mimo swojej emocjonalności, lecz dzięki niej. To afirmacja kompetencji społecznych jako formy sprawczości.
Książkę wieńczy rozdział dwunasty – manifest odpowiedzialności społecznej. Hurley przypomina, że rozwój osobisty nie kończy się na samoświadomości – prowadzi ku relacjom, wspólnocie, trosce o innych.
„Wredne dziewczyny” nie są wolne od ograniczeń. Po pierwsze, działa w kodzie amerykańskiej klasy średniej. Model wsparcia oparty na dostępnej, świadomej matce bywa nierealny w rodzinach wykluczonych ekonomicznie, migranckich, niepełnych. Podczas lektury brakowało mi głosów dziewczynek queerowych, neuroatypowych, z mniejszości etnicznych.
Po drugie, konstrukcja książki momentami traci rytm. Środkowe rozdziały są nieco powtórzeniowe. Choć zapewnia to dydaktyczną spójność, dla czytelnika literacko wymagającego może być nużące.
Warto zauważyć, że język siostrzeństwa – choć potrzebny – osuwa się chwilami w coaching. Hasło „Dziewczynki mogą wszystko” wymaga osadzenia w realiach społecznych: barierach strukturalnych, przemocy symbolicznej, klasizmie. Książce brakuje refleksji nad systemowymi nierównościami.
„Wredne dziewczyny i twoja córka” to książka ważna, aktualna i głęboko etyczna. To tekst interweniujący w zasady świata, który uczy dziewczynki grzeczności zamiast odwagi, porównywania zamiast współczucia i rywalizacji zamiast współpracy. Jako pedagożka widzę w niej materiał do zmiany praktyki edukacyjnej. Jako matka – odnajduję przestrzeń do zmiany siebie, a jako krytyczka – doceniam językowy, narracyjny i społeczny potencjał książki, choć nie rezygnuję z pytań o jej kulturowe granice.
—--
Przypominam o zniżce dla moich obserwujących:
-28% na wszystkie książki wydawnictwa PWN w księgarni PWN. Chcesz hasło? Skomentuj na IG/FB: RABATY.
Zniżka działa tylko do końca czerwca!
—---
Post powstał w ramach współpracy recenzenckiej.
Książka stanowi hybrydę gatunkową – łączy esej społeczny, narrację terapeutyczną i opowieść autobiograficzną. Wpisuje się w nurt literatury troski – osadzonej w pedagogice relacyjnej i feministycznej etyce codzienności. Hurley mówi jako matka, terapeutka, edukatorka i badaczka. Jej „ja” narracyjne to nie autorytet, lecz sojuszniczka. Operuje językiem empatycznym, lecz nie infantylizującym. Przeplata dane z badań (m.in. Dove Self-Esteem Fund z 2008 r.) z cytatami dzieci, praktyką gabinetową i osobistą perspektywą rodzicielską.
Już pierwszy rozdział – „Po czym poznać przyjaciółkę?” – pokazuje, jak wcześnie w życiu dziewcząt pojawia się agresja relacyjna. To nie domena licealistek, jak przestawiają to młodzieżowe seriale: królowe pszczół rządzą już w przedszkolach. Dla nauczycieli to przypomnienie, jak łatwo przeoczyć przemoc symboliczną. Dla rodziców – ostrzeżenie: słowa, gesty i spojrzenia ranią równie głęboko jak ciosy.
„Jak być lubianą”– to rozdział, który demaskuje mit popularności. Hurley pokazuje, że dziewczynki uczą się, iż bycie lubianą wymaga dopasowania, lojalności wobec liderki i rezygnacji z własnego zdania. Tożsamość oparta na akceptacji grupy okazuje się krucha – i podatna na manipulację.
Autorka analizuje lęk przed podejmowaniem ryzyka. Dziewczynki wycofują się z wyzwań nie dlatego, że brakuje im umiejętności, lecz dlatego, że boją się zawieść. Porażka urasta do rangi zagrożenia tożsamości. Hurley proponuje ćwiczenia: karty odwagi, patyczki z mikrowyzwaniami – proste, lecz efektywne strategie wychowawcze.
Rozdział o perfekcjonizmie – to jeden z najmocniejszych fragmentów książki. Hurley nie krytykuje ambicji, lecz pokazuje, jak bardzo narracja „musisz zawsze dać radę” odbiera dziewczynkom przestrzeń na rozwój. Jako matka z bólem czytam historie dziewczynek, które wolą nie próbować, by nie zawieść.
W książce znajdziemy też część celebrującą różnorodność: sportsmenki, artystki, liderki i introwertyczki – każda droga jest dobra, o ile nie została narzucona z zewnątrz. To rzadko spotykana afirmacja pluralizmu tożsamości dziecięcych.
Kolejne fragmenty Hurley poświęca tematowi budowania autentycznego „ja” i presji sukcesu. Autorka demaskuje kult produktywności, który wdziera się do dzieciństwa. Dzieci porównywane do rówieśników uczą się, że wartość równa się wynikom. Lepszą drogą jest budowanie odporności psychicznej i wewnętrznej integralności.
Rozdziały ósmy i dziewiąty uczą mówienia własnym głosem. Hurley proponuje „ja-komunikaty”, strategie stawiania granic, ćwiczenia z ekspresji emocjonalnej. Trafnie punktuje, że wiele dziewczynek milczy, bo nie czuje się słyszana. Kultura „grzecznych córek” okazuje się systemem opresji: głos staje się niepożądany, jeśli nie wpisuje się w normę uległości.
Książka przełamuje także tabu porażki. Hurley odczarowuje ją jako doświadczenie rozwojowe. Zachęca do prowadzenia „dziennika prób”, doceniania odwagi – nie tylko efektów. To rozdział wymierzony w szkolną kulturę oceniania. To także apel do rodziców: bądźcie przy dzieciach, nie ponad nimi.
We ‘Wrednych dziewczynach” znajdziemy też kilka słów o przywództwie – nie w wersji dominacyjnej, ale empatycznej. Dziewczynki mogą przewodzić nie mimo swojej emocjonalności, lecz dzięki niej. To afirmacja kompetencji społecznych jako formy sprawczości.
Książkę wieńczy rozdział dwunasty – manifest odpowiedzialności społecznej. Hurley przypomina, że rozwój osobisty nie kończy się na samoświadomości – prowadzi ku relacjom, wspólnocie, trosce o innych.
„Wredne dziewczyny” nie są wolne od ograniczeń. Po pierwsze, działa w kodzie amerykańskiej klasy średniej. Model wsparcia oparty na dostępnej, świadomej matce bywa nierealny w rodzinach wykluczonych ekonomicznie, migranckich, niepełnych. Podczas lektury brakowało mi głosów dziewczynek queerowych, neuroatypowych, z mniejszości etnicznych.
Po drugie, konstrukcja książki momentami traci rytm. Środkowe rozdziały są nieco powtórzeniowe. Choć zapewnia to dydaktyczną spójność, dla czytelnika literacko wymagającego może być nużące.
Warto zauważyć, że język siostrzeństwa – choć potrzebny – osuwa się chwilami w coaching. Hasło „Dziewczynki mogą wszystko” wymaga osadzenia w realiach społecznych: barierach strukturalnych, przemocy symbolicznej, klasizmie. Książce brakuje refleksji nad systemowymi nierównościami.
„Wredne dziewczyny i twoja córka” to książka ważna, aktualna i głęboko etyczna. To tekst interweniujący w zasady świata, który uczy dziewczynki grzeczności zamiast odwagi, porównywania zamiast współczucia i rywalizacji zamiast współpracy. Jako pedagożka widzę w niej materiał do zmiany praktyki edukacyjnej. Jako matka – odnajduję przestrzeń do zmiany siebie, a jako krytyczka – doceniam językowy, narracyjny i społeczny potencjał książki, choć nie rezygnuję z pytań o jej kulturowe granice.
—--
Przypominam o zniżce dla moich obserwujących:
-28% na wszystkie książki wydawnictwa PWN w księgarni PWN. Chcesz hasło? Skomentuj na IG/FB: RABATY.
Zniżka działa tylko do końca czerwca!
—---
Post powstał w ramach współpracy recenzenckiej.
March 11, 2018
Great helpful practical tips on how to we can guide our girls to empower themselves and other girls. An indepth look into what today's younger girls hear and deal with in terms of the psychology and real life issues and how we as parents, counselors and teachers can help them become more mentally and emotionally equipped in dealing with these issues. A terrific read from Hurley as she tells us from the trenches what girls share with her inside her counseling office and her timely advice on how we can help them.
March 13, 2018
What I most enjoyed about this book was the conversation prompt it provided for me and my daughter. Unlike other books on this topic, I found this one easier to read with my 10-year old daughter and it provoked a spirited conversation.
Many of the activities that the author recommends sound lovely, and perhaps for a family that really enjoys (and has time for) a lot of crafts, this would be fun, but for us felt a little cumbersome and contrived.
Glad to have read this one and will keep it close at hand to revisit as needed.
Many of the activities that the author recommends sound lovely, and perhaps for a family that really enjoys (and has time for) a lot of crafts, this would be fun, but for us felt a little cumbersome and contrived.
Glad to have read this one and will keep it close at hand to revisit as needed.
April 2, 2024
A good research based book with practical tips on how to empower our girls to be confident and kind friends. I have a 3rd grade daughter and more than a dozen nieces ranging in age from 3 to 29 and have seen how the expectations of young girls have changed over the years, so girls are facing more pressure at younger and younger ages. I love the way this book encourages parents to help their daughters take risks, be leaders and find their voice but shows how to do that without sacrificing kindness in the process. In our highly competitive society it encourages parents to help their girls see that success is not a zero sum game and reminds parents that their child’s success alone will not lead to their happiness. With a mental health crisis in young people I find this such an important reminder for kids of any gender and found lots of nuggets that I could use with my 12 year old boys as well. I read and listen to a lot of parenting books, and never agree with 100% of any of them, but this one had enough nuggets of wisdom to make it more than just worthwhile. I listened to it the first time and then bought a copy because I realized I’m going to want to go back and reference some of the activities it in the future. Highly recommend.
April 15, 2019
The sections geared towards parents were fairly good, but what made this book stand out for me were the activities designed for teaching these concepts to girls. They were creative, engaging, and age-appropriate ways for girls to process the issues they are facing. Many of them work best in group and/or instructional settings, so I can see how they would be difficult to implement if you only had one child in this demographic and didn't have a formal time where you teach life lessons, but as someone with multiple kids, and a routine evening every week where we have a family lesson, I thought this was full of great ideas for ways to help my kids practice concepts like finding your voice, emotion regulation, resilience, and complicated interactions with peers.
January 14, 2023
This book is really interesting and full of great activities for building confidence and compassion in kids. I am uncomfortable with the gender dichotomy presented in this text, which focuses on girls to the exclusion of other genders where I think there is room to expand the focus. It is important to acknowledge gender and how sexism impacts even young children, but this book seems to present relational aggression as exclusively the domain of “mean girls,” as if boys only throw punches and never social barbs. While I am sympathetic to the author’s choice to focus specifically on “girlhood,” I think that she could’ve at least acknowledged that this work excludes gender minorities and the very real social challenges that boys face.
March 30, 2023
This book took me a while to completely read. I really enjoy Katie’s work, but this book was difficult to digest. Katie included a lot of important points about the behavior of young girls and advice about how to help our girls be confident and compassionate. Each chapter ended with a potpourri of ideas to help you connect with your girl on a particular topic. Some of the ideas sound manageable and even fun, but there are just. so. many. At times I felt like the suggestions distracted from the rest of the chapter’s content. That noted, I have definitely applied what I have learned and think this is a great resource to parents of younger girls.
November 6, 2018
I thought the theory in this book was excellent and would therefore recommend it to parents! I would not say the same about the practical exercises though, which are more geared towards therapy sessions, group workshops, classrooms etc. They would definitely not work in my mother-daughter relationship and home set up. Also, I found the book to be a bit out-of-date in that it barely makes references to social media, no reference whatsoever to smartphones and other new technology and media that is part of kids' lives today.
February 6, 2018
A wonderful resource for parents and educators of young girls. As the mother of a 13-year-old girl, I found this book insightful and easy to navigate. We need to help our girls move away from this mean girl, queen-bee culture and find the joy in supporting their peers and celebrating individuality. This book is full of tools and strategies to help girls learn to stand up for themesleves and others. A must read!
March 25, 2019
My daughter is 4 and will be entering kindergarten in the fall. This book has been invaluable for NOW - and I think it will only become more so as she enters school full time. There were a few times that I wish issues and potential solutions were addressed more deeply, we are just skimming the surface. But I do feel a little more prepared with some tools and knowledge to be able to address difficult social situations that are inevitable. (Still terrified, but a little more prepared 😬)
August 24, 2019
This book was ok. I had it out from the library for the whole summer and it took me that long to get through it. Some things that for sure apply to my first grader but not so relevant to my fourth grader until the end of the book. I found the fact that there were so many suggested activities offputting. Maybe this would be good for teachers and counselors, but I don't have the time to do so much therapy on my kids.
November 5, 2022
Raising a girl in today’s world is scary. This book addresses how “mean girl” behavior has moved into early elementary school and how to build skills and resilience with your daughter to combat it. There were many suggested activities that I’d like to do with my daughter and, possibly, my Girl Scout troop. Interesting that Girl Scouts was mentioned often as both an organization to help build much needed leadership skills and as a source of some of the data provided.
February 26, 2023
This book has so many great ideas for experiential activities to use to help teach various lessons to girls. I would have liked some more suggestions for navigating in-the-moment discussions as issues arise, as many of the ideas listed in this book are planned activities that require preparation and coordination.
Altogether though, I learned a lot from this book and recommend it to parents and therapists seeking to help adolescent girls struggling with peer relationships!
Altogether though, I learned a lot from this book and recommend it to parents and therapists seeking to help adolescent girls struggling with peer relationships!
March 30, 2018
Great book. Heard the author talk too. What is great about the book is it talks about the issues, but then ends each chapter with activities you can do with your daughter. I presume she has done all the activities with clients and her own girls so they are usable and practical. I bought the book because I can use it as a reference source as I go along (with 2 girls, one who's 9 and one 12).
April 1, 2018
I love the ideas mentioned in the book of creating a friendship tree and a life saver necklace. Helping your daughter realize that there are all different kinds of friendships and many people who will be there for her when some relationships aren’t going all that well is invaluable during her times of struggle.
April 19, 2019
It took me a long time to finish this book because I found it so full of wonderful ideas. As an elementary school counselor, there were many ideas I can use with groups. As a mom of two boys, I thought this book could have been written for boys too. Yes, some of the ideas are more feminine, but the concepts apply to all genders. I highly recommend this book.
June 18, 2019
One of the best parenting books I've read yet. Filled with tons of useable activities, strategies and suggestions that you can put to use right away. I'd love to see a world full of girls that can work cooperatively to reach new heights instead of competitively, tearing each other down. I'll start with the girls in my home.
June 25, 2019
I thought this book had some really good information and ideas for raising strong, caring girls. I learned things I can use in the future with my own daughter and also some things to use with the girls in my classes. There’s a ton of information and ideas for activities in here so I’ll probably buy this one in order to be able to reference it In the future as my daughter gets older.
February 28, 2022
The book has many great ideas on teaching girls about healthy friendships and being confident in themselves.
However, I was looking for a book specifically on teaching girls how to deal with group dynamics, to meanness from others, how to respond when they are excluded, etc., and this book does not really get into that.
However, I was looking for a book specifically on teaching girls how to deal with group dynamics, to meanness from others, how to respond when they are excluded, etc., and this book does not really get into that.
March 22, 2022
Another excellent resource. This book came into the fold just when we needed it. The girls are going through some stuff with friends and school. It's so rough and heartbreaking. Watching them sit through the struggle is a real beast, but I get it.. this is their story. I just wish all parents read this and have a similar dialogue with their girls.
August 17, 2025
A parenting book designed for parents to help their daughters navigate the social world of girls in the pre-teen years. I found the book had a lot of great information but was a bit overwhelming. One nice feature of the book is it is packed with exercises you can do with your daughter, or even with a group of girls. So it would be good for teachers and club leaders too.
June 8, 2018
If you have girls, read this book! Is it perfect, no. Then again, name a perfect parent and/or child...
Was there anything revelatory, not so much, but definitely ideas that I should be implementing with my own daughters.
Was there anything revelatory, not so much, but definitely ideas that I should be implementing with my own daughters.
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