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But I Love Him
Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him. It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself. At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved - and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything - and everyone - in its path. This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2011
About the author
Amanda Grace
61 books244 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
Amanda Grace is a pseudonym for young adult author Mandy Hubbard (PRADA AND PREJUDICE, YOU WISH). She lives near Seattle, Washington, with her husband and young daughter.
Amanda Grace is a pseudonym for young adult author Mandy Hubbard (PRADA AND PREJUDICE, YOU WISH). She lives near Seattle, Washington, with her husband and young daughter.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 681 reviews
December 4, 2014
“What would you do if the one person you want comfort from is the one who cause you pain? How can you want to desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?”
Ann loves Connor.
Connor loves Ann.
Only problem is when Connor’s temper rises, Ann gets hurt.
How does he hurt her?
Verbally.
Emotionally.
Psychologically.
Physically.
But why does Ann stay?
Because she loves him.
But I love Him is an emotional story about a girl who was in love with a boy who hurts her.
Physically and emotionally.
This book made me question my stand on abusive relationships.
I have never been in that kind of situation, so I have no clue what it must have felt like to be in Ann’s shoes.
I can try to imagine but it’s very difficult.
It really made me think though.
Would I have done things differently if I was Ann?
At first I thought I would do things differently.
I am not a fan of abuse. I knew someone who had been in a similar situation, and I never understood why she stayed with the guy. I told her time and time and again to leave the guy because he was no good for her. But despite all of that, she stayed. I asked her why - the only explanation she gave me was that she loved him. I didn’t understand at first, but after reading this I did. Now I am not so sure anymore if I would have done it differently.
Maybe I just haven’t fallen for anyone that strongly for me to tolerate being abused in any way.
But if some unfortunate twist of fate happens and I get Ann’s situation, I probably would have stayed with Conner too.
Clearly, Ann and Conner loved each other.
Ann loves Conner because after her father died her mother hasn’t been the same.
Conner was the one who showed her the love she was looking for. The love that her mother failed to make her feel after her father passed away, Conner was the one who compensated for it.
This made Ann feel that Conner was the only one she had.
She turned away from her friends, her mother and the future.
Conner was the only one she felt would make her happy.
Conner loves Ann because she was the only person who could see the good side of him.
Conner grew up with an abusive father.
He and his mother got beaten up a lot and he was only able to stand up for himself when he got older.
Conner had temper issues like his father.
He started abusing Ann verbally, then eventually, it escalated to physical abuse.
But I love Him was a very intense an emotional story of a love gone wrong.
It was presented in a reverse chronological order, in which I felt suited perfectly with the story.
We first got a glimpse of Ann broken on the floor, after one of Conner’s beating sessions a year after they got together.
We caught snippets of how their relationship went from good, to bad, then bad to ugly.
I found the author's (Ms. Hubbard aka as Amanda Grace) approach to this topic very remarkable.
The approach of starting in the end of their story working our way backwards, finding out what caused Ann to endure the abuse, and why Conner did the things he did. It worked very well with the story.
I read in an interview with the author that it was really her intention for Conner to come across as sympathetic.
I would like to congratulate her because she did a marvelous job in doing so.
She made sure that we understood not only Ann’s situation but also Conner’s.
Abusers weren’t born that way.
There was something in their past that triggered them to be that way.
I know it’s not an excuse, but still, we have to take that into consideration before we judge them.
With Conner, Ms. Hubbard was able to successfully convey that message to the readers.
It makes us realize that these people no matter how bad they are, needs people who would understand them.
I admire Ann.
She was strong. I could never be as strong as she is.
Not everyone can endure that kind of abuse, but because of her love for Conner, she did it.
Most people would disagree would me, if I say that staying with Conner for a year, was the right decision.
Conner was in need of someone who would make him a better person.
Ann tried that to the best of her ability which was why I admired her a lot. She had faith in him, even if he didn’t really deserve it.
She was the only one who tried to save Conner from himself.
In the end though, she had to let him go not only for herself, but also for him.
Conner also had to figure things out on his own.
I loved the fact that she knew when to put her foot down. She knew when enough was enough. For some people who were in similar situation they didn’t know when to quit. Perfect example of that would be Conner’s mom. Conner’s mom continually accepted his father despite everything that he has been doing to her.
What was the result?
Conner grew up to be a messed up kid like his father.
I didn’t want to blame both their mothers but somehow they contributed to what happened to Ann and Conner.
Ann wouldn’t have been beaten up if she stayed at home with her mom.
Why did she leave?
Because her mom openly advised her of her dislike of Conner add the fact that she never made her Ann feel that she loves her.
I know it’s not right for Ann to just have moved out but still her mom pushed her closer to Conner.
Conner, on the other hand, wouldn’t have been messed up if he wasn’t beaten up by his dad countless times.
He could have grown up to be a better guy because lets face it Conner was not that bad.
He could have been the guy Ann’s mom would approve of.
I loved the book.
I have always been a fan of these types of books.
Following Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma, this would have to be my next favorite.
One thing I would have to say that I didn’t like was the ending.
I didn’t get the ending I wanted.
I hoped that Conner would have been given a chance to change rather than ending it that way in one of the back flashes.
The ending was good but it could have been better.
I will give it a 4.5! :D
PS: I was really inspired by this book which was why I created a poem for it.
Will place it here when I finish it.
March 30, 2012
I'm not sure if But I Love Him would have touched me as much if the subject matter wasn't something that has affected someone close to me throughout their life, and therefore, had a huge effect on myself. I'm not going to publicly post details but a person who was very important to me went through a similar ordeal with domestic abuse with even more violent conclusions. I saw first-hand how someone could be so wrapped up in a relationship that they didn't see how much it was harming them. There were times after a fit of violence where he would storm out, claiming to be leaving, knowing full well that she would beg him to stay. And she did.
This is a subject that really affects me everytime I read books or see films with violent partners. Because I know how someone can alienate their friends and family and retreat into their own little bubble of violence. I know all about the "it'll be different this time" and how quickly an abusive partner can switch personalities. But I Love Him contained all of these elements and it was believable for me because I recognised it all and knew it to be true.
The author's decision to write the book in reverse chronological order was a little confusing at first and I had almost written it off as a failed attempt to have something a bit unique. But I began to understand the reasons behind it as the story unfolded and we learned the hows and the whys. How many people are guilty of looking at an abusive relationship and thinking "how can you believe that he loves you when he knocks you about?" and "how can that person not realise they deserve better?" That's why this book starts at the end, with the readers at that point where they cannot understand why the protagonist has let it get to this with her boyfriend. Then the story tells you why.
The more I think about it, the more I like this time format. If you start a tale about an abusive relationship at the beginning then you can predict there will be one of two possible conclusions: 1) She leaves him, or 2) She gets so seriously hurt that the story serves as a severe warning to others. But this way, the conclusion is discovering the whats, wheres, hows, whys and wherefores that led to the protagonist accepting violence as just another part of her life.
There were things I didn't like in the novel. I thought sometimes as the story was going backward that there wasn't the smoothest reverse transition between events and I had questions that needed answering. I also wanted a better ending, I thought the protagonist's final decision was a bit sketchy and should have been clearer. If I'm being nit-picky, I thought the author also made a mess of the past scenes with ex-best friend Abby. They could have been a meaningful representation of friendship but they were wasted in cliched phrases and exclamations like:
Did you hear that so-and-so is dating whatshisname?
Eww.
However, my absolute favourite part of this book was another relationship in the novel that I thought was told very well and was incredibly sad, even more so than the main relationship. I don't want to say too much and ruin it for anyone. Apart from the few small things I've mentioned, I thought this was a great book, highly emotional and effective. It also feels like an even shorter read than it is (245 pages) because it has small chapters and you're like "just one more" until suddenly the whole book's gone in one evening. Recommended to those who like young adult books about real life scenarios and relationships.
July 16, 2011
I love the concept of this book. It is the story of one girl and the boy she loves who abuses her ~ told in reverse chronological order.
As the book begins, Ann is at the height of the abuse, has completely sold out of her previous life to be with Connor, and the relationship has consumed her. As the book continues, it slides back through time, showing the relationship in reverse. (with the exception of the climax/resolution, which is sprinkled through the reverse narrative and saved up for the ending)
While it is this hook that makes it stand out from other abuse novels, it also, in some ways, worked against itself. I felt like I was seeing vignettes from Ann’s life, rather than being immersed into it. Almost like a random collection of important scenes pieced together to make a (fragmented) whole.
On the flip-side, I did enjoy the anti-forshadowing (aft-shadowing? LOL). An event would happen where the reader isn’t clued in to what lead to the point, then as the story progresses (in it’s regressing fashion) you read the scenes that lead up to it. It was an effective way to keep the pages turning.
Speaking of, despite the content matter being heavy, it is an incredibly light read, smooth prose, which mostly consists of Ann’s narrative, keeps the pages flying by.
Despite not really connecting to any of the characters, I was frequently in awe of perfectly coined phrases and sentiments. Of the thorough way Grace manages to get under Ann’s skin and become her in her writing.
Even while admiring this, I cannot say that I, personally, particularly cared or found it to be a powerful reading experience (as this topic should lend itself too).
As the book begins, Ann is at the height of the abuse, has completely sold out of her previous life to be with Connor, and the relationship has consumed her. As the book continues, it slides back through time, showing the relationship in reverse. (with the exception of the climax/resolution, which is sprinkled through the reverse narrative and saved up for the ending)
While it is this hook that makes it stand out from other abuse novels, it also, in some ways, worked against itself. I felt like I was seeing vignettes from Ann’s life, rather than being immersed into it. Almost like a random collection of important scenes pieced together to make a (fragmented) whole.
On the flip-side, I did enjoy the anti-forshadowing (aft-shadowing? LOL). An event would happen where the reader isn’t clued in to what lead to the point, then as the story progresses (in it’s regressing fashion) you read the scenes that lead up to it. It was an effective way to keep the pages turning.
Speaking of, despite the content matter being heavy, it is an incredibly light read, smooth prose, which mostly consists of Ann’s narrative, keeps the pages flying by.
Despite not really connecting to any of the characters, I was frequently in awe of perfectly coined phrases and sentiments. Of the thorough way Grace manages to get under Ann’s skin and become her in her writing.
Even while admiring this, I cannot say that I, personally, particularly cared or found it to be a powerful reading experience (as this topic should lend itself too).
January 22, 2021
First of all, I have to emphasise how beautifuly written this story was. My copy of this book is full of underlined sentences and parts, and with notes in margins.
Although it is a sad story I really enjoyed reading every single word of it and after finishing that last page I wished there were more of it. But good novel doesn't have to be long, and "But I Love Him" proves that.
Written in reversed chronological order of events, it stends up from other novels with abusive thematic.
It starts while the narrator, Ann, is already one year in a relationship with Connor.
She is lying on the floor of their apartmant, surrounded with broken things, bitten by her boyfriend, broken inside and out. And while in that place, she is thinking about how did it all go wrong and when did it all go wrong. That is when the reminiscencing begins, from the day before to the very first day they met.
And everything is just so perfectly gathered in the entirety.
I only wish more people would know about this book.
Although it is a sad story I really enjoyed reading every single word of it and after finishing that last page I wished there were more of it. But good novel doesn't have to be long, and "But I Love Him" proves that.
Written in reversed chronological order of events, it stends up from other novels with abusive thematic.
It starts while the narrator, Ann, is already one year in a relationship with Connor.
She is lying on the floor of their apartmant, surrounded with broken things, bitten by her boyfriend, broken inside and out. And while in that place, she is thinking about how did it all go wrong and when did it all go wrong. That is when the reminiscencing begins, from the day before to the very first day they met.
And everything is just so perfectly gathered in the entirety.
I only wish more people would know about this book.
June 3, 2011
Intense. Scary. Heartbreaking.
Unlike other book about abusive relationships that I've read, But I Love Him is told in reverse order. When the book begins we seen Anna at her worst possible low, and as the story progresses... or rather regresses we witness how Anna comes to be in this place.
It was brilliant on Amanda's part to tell the story this way, often times it easy to think, why didn't they just walk away, why didn't they move on.... it seems easy until you're there yourself. You see Anna struggle with this, and you even begin to understand why she stays.
But it isn't just Anna's story, it's Conner's too. And though what he does is inexcusable, you can't help but feel some pity for him as you learn about his life. It's rather disturbing. It's easy to see the abuser as the bad guy and not a person with a history.
But I Love Him is a hard story to read, but one that needs to be told.
Unlike other book about abusive relationships that I've read, But I Love Him is told in reverse order. When the book begins we seen Anna at her worst possible low, and as the story progresses... or rather regresses we witness how Anna comes to be in this place.
It was brilliant on Amanda's part to tell the story this way, often times it easy to think, why didn't they just walk away, why didn't they move on.... it seems easy until you're there yourself. You see Anna struggle with this, and you even begin to understand why she stays.
But it isn't just Anna's story, it's Conner's too. And though what he does is inexcusable, you can't help but feel some pity for him as you learn about his life. It's rather disturbing. It's easy to see the abuser as the bad guy and not a person with a history.
But I Love Him is a hard story to read, but one that needs to be told.
June 9, 2011
Rating: 4.5 stars
Favourite Quote: It's nearly dark. How long have I been lying here? The blackness reaches the corners of the room and fills everything. Once that darkness was cocoon, enveloping us and protecting us from everything outside the door. Together, we hid in the dark, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace.
But nothing can protect me now, least of all the darkness.
But I Love Him is a completely absorbing tale. When I picked it up I only intended to have a quick look and then put it down and go back to my review books. But the story drew me in immediately and I had to just keep reading until I finished it in one sitting.
Grace deals with some compelling issues - physical and emotional abuse, family issues, friendships falling apart and losing the sense of who you are. The writing is powerful and thought provoking yet at the same time simple and honest. I marked quote after quote as it is the kind of writing I fall in love with. This tale is completely heartbreaking no matter how you tell it but I also love the way Grace wrote it in reserve. It felt like such a fresh, different and completely insightful take on a relationship gone wrong.
Ann and Connor are such well fleshed out characters. Ann story haunted me and just completely got under my skin. Her voice was utterly convincing. I felt like she was sitting across from me telling her story. You really get to know her and understand why she loved Connor so much.
What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?
Connor is someone who is ruled by his past. This is the first time while reading about a physically abusive relationship that I have felt something for the abuser. I wouldn't say it was like because what he did was inexcusable but rather I understood him a little and was kind of wishing that maybe he would get help. He is a well crafted character that I would have like to have his own own story told as I think it could have been just as strong.
"Sometimes I think I spent forever waiting for you," he says. "My whole life, I've never had someone like you. Someone who doesn't have to be there, but is anyway. Someone who wants to just .... be with me because they want me. For me. Not because I'm your brother or your kid or anything, but because you choose me."
To me But I Love Him feels like Stolen and Forbidden, both books that I love, in the sense it shows that everything isn't as simple as black and white but there are plenty of shades of grey in between.
Overall, this is a standout read. I highly recommend this is you are looking for a story that is intense and realistic yet beautifully told.
Favourite Quote: It's nearly dark. How long have I been lying here? The blackness reaches the corners of the room and fills everything. Once that darkness was cocoon, enveloping us and protecting us from everything outside the door. Together, we hid in the dark, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace.
But nothing can protect me now, least of all the darkness.
But I Love Him is a completely absorbing tale. When I picked it up I only intended to have a quick look and then put it down and go back to my review books. But the story drew me in immediately and I had to just keep reading until I finished it in one sitting.
Grace deals with some compelling issues - physical and emotional abuse, family issues, friendships falling apart and losing the sense of who you are. The writing is powerful and thought provoking yet at the same time simple and honest. I marked quote after quote as it is the kind of writing I fall in love with. This tale is completely heartbreaking no matter how you tell it but I also love the way Grace wrote it in reserve. It felt like such a fresh, different and completely insightful take on a relationship gone wrong.
Ann and Connor are such well fleshed out characters. Ann story haunted me and just completely got under my skin. Her voice was utterly convincing. I felt like she was sitting across from me telling her story. You really get to know her and understand why she loved Connor so much.
What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?
Connor is someone who is ruled by his past. This is the first time while reading about a physically abusive relationship that I have felt something for the abuser. I wouldn't say it was like because what he did was inexcusable but rather I understood him a little and was kind of wishing that maybe he would get help. He is a well crafted character that I would have like to have his own own story told as I think it could have been just as strong.
"Sometimes I think I spent forever waiting for you," he says. "My whole life, I've never had someone like you. Someone who doesn't have to be there, but is anyway. Someone who wants to just .... be with me because they want me. For me. Not because I'm your brother or your kid or anything, but because you choose me."
To me But I Love Him feels like Stolen and Forbidden, both books that I love, in the sense it shows that everything isn't as simple as black and white but there are plenty of shades of grey in between.
Overall, this is a standout read. I highly recommend this is you are looking for a story that is intense and realistic yet beautifully told.
August 18, 2011
"But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong."
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)
After reading "Bitter End" last weekend, I recieved this in the mail and decided to go for it. It was much better than "Bitter End".
The writing in this was amazing. It was just so beautiful and sad. It did something crazy, really. It made you look at the bad guy(the abuser) with a deeper understanding and actually sympathize with him slightly. It was amazing because it makes the reader understand a bit better how it's now always black and white. It's not always bad guy, good guy. Sometimes it's gray.
The thing with "But I love him" was that it tried to make you understand how she got into her situation. It tells the story in reverse which is good because you don't judge her like you would if the story was told from the beginning. When the story starts, you don't know what that first moment was that should've made her run away. You see her at the end where she is tired and confused because she loves him more than she loves herself. Then she starts thinking back on their year together.
It's hard to explain why it's so good. The writing is awesome. The characters are so real and well written. It really makes you think and it makes you really feel for her.
The last 50 pages really broke my heart where she started thinking about the beginning where they were so different. It was beautiful and haunting. It showed abusive relationships in a different light. Not a good one, obviously, it's never a good thing, but it's amazing how she approached this topic.
It broke my heart a little. Amazing.
"It's not fair. It's not fair that he lets his rage take over, that he lets it rule him. I don't know why he has to let it rule him. I don't know why he has to be two people.
I don't know why he gets to be two people, and I only get to be me, the one who is here to take what he has to give, and who is here to pick up the pieces afterward."
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)
After reading "Bitter End" last weekend, I recieved this in the mail and decided to go for it. It was much better than "Bitter End".
The writing in this was amazing. It was just so beautiful and sad. It did something crazy, really. It made you look at the bad guy(the abuser) with a deeper understanding and actually sympathize with him slightly. It was amazing because it makes the reader understand a bit better how it's now always black and white. It's not always bad guy, good guy. Sometimes it's gray.
The thing with "But I love him" was that it tried to make you understand how she got into her situation. It tells the story in reverse which is good because you don't judge her like you would if the story was told from the beginning. When the story starts, you don't know what that first moment was that should've made her run away. You see her at the end where she is tired and confused because she loves him more than she loves herself. Then she starts thinking back on their year together.
It's hard to explain why it's so good. The writing is awesome. The characters are so real and well written. It really makes you think and it makes you really feel for her.
The last 50 pages really broke my heart where she started thinking about the beginning where they were so different. It was beautiful and haunting. It showed abusive relationships in a different light. Not a good one, obviously, it's never a good thing, but it's amazing how she approached this topic.
It broke my heart a little. Amazing.
"It's not fair. It's not fair that he lets his rage take over, that he lets it rule him. I don't know why he has to let it rule him. I don't know why he has to be two people.
I don't know why he gets to be two people, and I only get to be me, the one who is here to take what he has to give, and who is here to pick up the pieces afterward."
— Amanda Grace (But I Love Him)
June 27, 2011
But I Love Him by Amanda Grace is one big gimmick that doesn’t work because of poor writing and bad execution. Amanda tried to do something very creative with the storyline by writing it in reverse chronological order. The story begins at the end, over the course of a year for Ann and her abusive relationship with her boyfriend Conner. Ann has been beaten and bloodied and left with a broken wrist by Conner. We then go back over months and the days to the beginning of when Ann first met her unbalanced lover.
The material is meant to be dark since it deals with the psychological and emotional abuse of a young girl who has given up everything- her family, friends and future to be with an emotionally disturbed and unstable person. The reason is because Ann loves Conner to the depths of her very soul and feels she’s the only one who can get him help. At no point while I read did I get any sense of a connection between Ann and Conner.
There just wasn’t enough depth or dimension. Everything is surface reading and thrown out with disjointed explanations. Ann comes across as an unreliable narrator who tells the audience the why’s, but doesn’t really show why Conner is so important to her even as he lashes out for no reason. We are given examples why Conner acts the way he does, from his drunk of a father who also abuses his mother and Conner’s low self-esteem, but he’s as flat as the paper this book is written on.
I had such a disconnect while reading But I Love Him. One reason is because there seems to be major chunks of the story missing. This is one convulsed tale with no real justifiable reason for any of it.
But I Love Him is far from unique, and the devastation lies from it being incredibly flawed and defective.
The material is meant to be dark since it deals with the psychological and emotional abuse of a young girl who has given up everything- her family, friends and future to be with an emotionally disturbed and unstable person. The reason is because Ann loves Conner to the depths of her very soul and feels she’s the only one who can get him help. At no point while I read did I get any sense of a connection between Ann and Conner.
There just wasn’t enough depth or dimension. Everything is surface reading and thrown out with disjointed explanations. Ann comes across as an unreliable narrator who tells the audience the why’s, but doesn’t really show why Conner is so important to her even as he lashes out for no reason. We are given examples why Conner acts the way he does, from his drunk of a father who also abuses his mother and Conner’s low self-esteem, but he’s as flat as the paper this book is written on.
I had such a disconnect while reading But I Love Him. One reason is because there seems to be major chunks of the story missing. This is one convulsed tale with no real justifiable reason for any of it.
But I Love Him is far from unique, and the devastation lies from it being incredibly flawed and defective.
February 18, 2017
But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.
I really wanted to love this book. The subject matter is important to me and is something that has deeply impacted my own life. I think this book accomplished the most important thing it could: exploring the how/why of how abusive relationships start and continue. It seems so black and white- somebody hurts you? You leave them. But it's not always so simple, and victims of domestic abuse are often misunderstood. If you stay with someone who hurts you, you're an idiot, you must actually enjoy it, there's something wrong with you.
As this story shows, it's often a complicated situation fueled by intense emotions and dark pasts. The main character, Ann, loves Connor, knows that he is a good person, and thinks he will change if only she can make him happy enough. She believes that she can show him a better life where they can forget the past, where love will be enough to save them. She loses everything: her friends, her family, her passions, dreams, hobbies, her own sense of identity. Her entire world becomes Connor and she feels like she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
Each piece of glass is another piece of myself I gave to him.
It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself.
I liked that this story is told in reverse chronological order. It was a creative and ensured that at no point the reader can say "this is the moment where I would have left." But I think it also presented some problems.
We're introduced to the characters one year into their relationship and everything has already turned ugly. I suppose it's hard to pull off reverse chronological character development, and so the way that the characters were introduced at the start of the book stayed with me through the end. Ann is already a shell of a person, and I had a hard time sympathizing with her. I never knew the bright, promising girl she used to be and instead I was confronted with this girl who is just sad, broken, making excuses for her boyfriend. Connor is an asshole and I couldn't see him as anything but that for the rest of the novel. I know that as the book progresses, I'm supposed to see the "good" Connor that Ana sees when she met him, but it didn't.
I wanted to be his life preserver, the thing that would keep him afloat. Instead, he became my anchor. And I’m tired of drowning.
Nothing about this troubled relationship is explored very deeply. Something horrible happens, and then it's never mentioned again, because we're moving backwards in time. We never explore either characters feelings about the incidents or learn what happens next and it left me feeling detached and emotionless about the whole thing. The chapters are extremely short and jump weeks at a time and overall I think the book was too short for what is was trying to be. There wasn't enough in here for me to connect with the characters or feel the intensity of their relationship (even though we're told over and over again how intense it is). It wasn't a bad book, it just needed more of everything.
I really wanted to love this book. The subject matter is important to me and is something that has deeply impacted my own life. I think this book accomplished the most important thing it could: exploring the how/why of how abusive relationships start and continue. It seems so black and white- somebody hurts you? You leave them. But it's not always so simple, and victims of domestic abuse are often misunderstood. If you stay with someone who hurts you, you're an idiot, you must actually enjoy it, there's something wrong with you.
As this story shows, it's often a complicated situation fueled by intense emotions and dark pasts. The main character, Ann, loves Connor, knows that he is a good person, and thinks he will change if only she can make him happy enough. She believes that she can show him a better life where they can forget the past, where love will be enough to save them. She loses everything: her friends, her family, her passions, dreams, hobbies, her own sense of identity. Her entire world becomes Connor and she feels like she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
Each piece of glass is another piece of myself I gave to him.
It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself.
I liked that this story is told in reverse chronological order. It was a creative and ensured that at no point the reader can say "this is the moment where I would have left." But I think it also presented some problems.
We're introduced to the characters one year into their relationship and everything has already turned ugly. I suppose it's hard to pull off reverse chronological character development, and so the way that the characters were introduced at the start of the book stayed with me through the end. Ann is already a shell of a person, and I had a hard time sympathizing with her. I never knew the bright, promising girl she used to be and instead I was confronted with this girl who is just sad, broken, making excuses for her boyfriend. Connor is an asshole and I couldn't see him as anything but that for the rest of the novel. I know that as the book progresses, I'm supposed to see the "good" Connor that Ana sees when she met him, but it didn't.
I wanted to be his life preserver, the thing that would keep him afloat. Instead, he became my anchor. And I’m tired of drowning.
Nothing about this troubled relationship is explored very deeply. Something horrible happens, and then it's never mentioned again, because we're moving backwards in time. We never explore either characters feelings about the incidents or learn what happens next and it left me feeling detached and emotionless about the whole thing. The chapters are extremely short and jump weeks at a time and overall I think the book was too short for what is was trying to be. There wasn't enough in here for me to connect with the characters or feel the intensity of their relationship (even though we're told over and over again how intense it is). It wasn't a bad book, it just needed more of everything.
October 19, 2011
I'm trying not to judge them her. I'm trying my best not to be disappointed in her choices. And with BUT I LOVE HIM beginning as it did~ at their end, I did have to hold onto my judgments thoughts, and see what led them to where they were.
But having witnessed this reverse mix of start, end, and in between, I'm still not a hundred percent sure about what to think BUT I do know what I feel: pissed off, unsure about my disappointed then finally, relieved.
Pissed off at whom though? Because if we're talking blame, Connor is clearly not a good guy. Do I buy his sob story of 'because my history is a particular sort, then I'm bound to turn out a certain way?' I should... I really feel like I should. It's just that I AM NOT THAT FORGIVING. That I pity him cannot be denied. But that I was repulsed by what he could do; that I was angered by him cannot be denied either.
And a disappointment directed at whom precisely? Was it at Ann? I skirted a not so positive place of blaming her, the victim, a moment or two there. Because seeing where she was in the beginning of the book, and knowing what she was just tore at me! Or was it even at her people? While seeing her struggle through things all alone, I wondered where they were and how they could just let things be. BUT, slowly, as it was meant be a slow realization, their why's came clear across. I saw just how things came to be...
What now? It's intense. It's emotional. All throughout, I struggled with a tendency to blame and be too quick to judge others *still struggling here!* It's not a story I enjoyed, but it's got me thinking and feeling intense things right now; mainly, it's got me thinking you can't help those who don't want the same. In this one, who needed help though? Connor? Ann? Or both?
Read this!
But having witnessed this reverse mix of start, end, and in between, I'm still not a hundred percent sure about what to think BUT I do know what I feel: pissed off, unsure about my disappointed then finally, relieved.
Pissed off at whom though? Because if we're talking blame, Connor is clearly not a good guy. Do I buy his sob story of 'because my history is a particular sort, then I'm bound to turn out a certain way?' I should... I really feel like I should. It's just that I AM NOT THAT FORGIVING. That I pity him cannot be denied. But that I was repulsed by what he could do; that I was angered by him cannot be denied either.
And a disappointment directed at whom precisely? Was it at Ann? I skirted a not so positive place of blaming her, the victim, a moment or two there. Because seeing where she was in the beginning of the book, and knowing what she was just tore at me! Or was it even at her people? While seeing her struggle through things all alone, I wondered where they were and how they could just let things be. BUT, slowly, as it was meant be a slow realization, their why's came clear across. I saw just how things came to be...
What now? It's intense. It's emotional. All throughout, I struggled with a tendency to blame and be too quick to judge others *still struggling here!* It's not a story I enjoyed, but it's got me thinking and feeling intense things right now; mainly, it's got me thinking you can't help those who don't want the same. In this one, who needed help though? Connor? Ann? Or both?
Read this!
March 20, 2020
Amanda Grace is a literary GENIUS.
The structure of But I Love him is written backwards. Yep, backwards. Completely. You get the ending first and then you go all the way up to the first day and to me, that is spectacular. I liked it because if you start at the beginning, you almost always know how it's going to end. So, what better way to start at the end and see how it all began?
"It happened in pieces, tiny little turning points. I'll never figure out when it all turned, because it wasn't a single moment."
As you guys know, I enjoy domestic violence books. I've been there. I know it. A lot of people have. And I have read some books that just slaughter it. It's not accurate nor realistic. But then I stumble across books like this one and it displays it perfectly.
I didn't like the ending though. It was too open for me. Sometimes that works but in this case, it didn't work for me. I felt empty and curious and I just don't like that feeling at the end of some of the books I read.
This is a very good YA novel. One that I would allow a 12-13 year old read. It's a very realistic book that delves into a very real topic and depicts the chain of events in a superb way. Whether you're an Ann or you're a Connor I feel as if you'll really benefit from this book. And if not, you'll at least enjoy it.
The structure of But I Love him is written backwards. Yep, backwards. Completely. You get the ending first and then you go all the way up to the first day and to me, that is spectacular. I liked it because if you start at the beginning, you almost always know how it's going to end. So, what better way to start at the end and see how it all began?
"It happened in pieces, tiny little turning points. I'll never figure out when it all turned, because it wasn't a single moment."
As you guys know, I enjoy domestic violence books. I've been there. I know it. A lot of people have. And I have read some books that just slaughter it. It's not accurate nor realistic. But then I stumble across books like this one and it displays it perfectly.
I didn't like the ending though. It was too open for me. Sometimes that works but in this case, it didn't work for me. I felt empty and curious and I just don't like that feeling at the end of some of the books I read.
This is a very good YA novel. One that I would allow a 12-13 year old read. It's a very realistic book that delves into a very real topic and depicts the chain of events in a superb way. Whether you're an Ann or you're a Connor I feel as if you'll really benefit from this book. And if not, you'll at least enjoy it.
September 2, 2016
At times I wasn't sure of the dates and of where the story was going. But then the more I read the more I got that it was going backwards, between past and present. I kind of like that actually. Made the book an interesting read. A sad emotional interesting read. The writing I think I liked the most and well that the cover has to do with the story. The kind of writing that makes you want to read the next chapter and wonder what will happen to the characters.
This took a little longer than I thought to finish. Mostly because I had taken a break from reading this since well, it was hard to read at times. But then I wanted to go back to the books I had taken a break from. This was one of them and was curious as to how it would end. Then I read where I left off and was like oh okay, makes sense now. I have heard of the author's other books and might read those.
This took a little longer than I thought to finish. Mostly because I had taken a break from reading this since well, it was hard to read at times. But then I wanted to go back to the books I had taken a break from. This was one of them and was curious as to how it would end. Then I read where I left off and was like oh okay, makes sense now. I have heard of the author's other books and might read those.
May 6, 2011
Startling, exceptional, and fast-paced, Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him offers a fascinating new look into the world of abusive relationships.
Prior to meeting Connor, Ann was a girl going places. From a track star, to a loyal friend, to a good student, Ann appeared to be the picture perfect girl. However, everything changes the day Connor walks into her life. Connor is a boy with a bad family history, but all Ann can see is a boy who needs someone, a boy who can be loved even if he does not realize it himself. That is when everything changes for better and worse. At first, Ann and Connor’s relationship seems to be fabulous. Sure, it has its bad moments, but everyone’s does… Then he hits her, and everything goes askew. Told in reverse chronological order, Ann and Connor’s story is quickly revealed from start to finish in short and powerful bursts sure to intrigue nearly any reader, as they ask themselves “When did everything go so wrong?”
I always find books about abusive relationships to be interesting, and with Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him, this interest level was raised to the highest of levels for several reasons. For one, the idea of reverse chronological order was simply brilliant. I loved that it allowed for not only suspense but for a new level of understanding in abusive relationships for both the victim and the abuser, which leads me to the characters…
In most ways, Ann is nearly broken to no repair. She is someone who has been hurt and beaten down to the extreme emotionally and physically, and yet the reader is not able to judge her for not leaving, simply because it is easy to understand her feelings towards Connor: how hard it is for her to walk away and admit failure. Connor, on the other hand, is presented in an interesting way. For the most part, I could not help but dislike him. He was distrusting, rude, and dogmatic, but I could not help but feel a little bit sorry for him, because he was a nice boy under it all, he just did not know how to show it and submerge his anger instead.
As briefly mentioned above, the plot in this was fantastic. I loved the suspense because it allowed for some many questions to be constantly running through my head. The twists and turns were also fabulous, and best of all, there truly was not a moment in this story that I felt was unneeded, which is a big thing in my eyes.
Grace’s writing was decent as well. She presented this story in a complex way in which she showed the best and worst of all the characters and relationships, which left for much thought on my part about abusive relationships.
In all, Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him not only packs quite the emotional of punches, but also introduces a great new player in the world of gritty contemporary YA. I highly suggest this one!
Grade: A+
Prior to meeting Connor, Ann was a girl going places. From a track star, to a loyal friend, to a good student, Ann appeared to be the picture perfect girl. However, everything changes the day Connor walks into her life. Connor is a boy with a bad family history, but all Ann can see is a boy who needs someone, a boy who can be loved even if he does not realize it himself. That is when everything changes for better and worse. At first, Ann and Connor’s relationship seems to be fabulous. Sure, it has its bad moments, but everyone’s does… Then he hits her, and everything goes askew. Told in reverse chronological order, Ann and Connor’s story is quickly revealed from start to finish in short and powerful bursts sure to intrigue nearly any reader, as they ask themselves “When did everything go so wrong?”
I always find books about abusive relationships to be interesting, and with Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him, this interest level was raised to the highest of levels for several reasons. For one, the idea of reverse chronological order was simply brilliant. I loved that it allowed for not only suspense but for a new level of understanding in abusive relationships for both the victim and the abuser, which leads me to the characters…
In most ways, Ann is nearly broken to no repair. She is someone who has been hurt and beaten down to the extreme emotionally and physically, and yet the reader is not able to judge her for not leaving, simply because it is easy to understand her feelings towards Connor: how hard it is for her to walk away and admit failure. Connor, on the other hand, is presented in an interesting way. For the most part, I could not help but dislike him. He was distrusting, rude, and dogmatic, but I could not help but feel a little bit sorry for him, because he was a nice boy under it all, he just did not know how to show it and submerge his anger instead.
As briefly mentioned above, the plot in this was fantastic. I loved the suspense because it allowed for some many questions to be constantly running through my head. The twists and turns were also fabulous, and best of all, there truly was not a moment in this story that I felt was unneeded, which is a big thing in my eyes.
Grace’s writing was decent as well. She presented this story in a complex way in which she showed the best and worst of all the characters and relationships, which left for much thought on my part about abusive relationships.
In all, Amanda Grace’s But I Love Him not only packs quite the emotional of punches, but also introduces a great new player in the world of gritty contemporary YA. I highly suggest this one!
Grade: A+
January 19, 2023
I am still contemplating of how I shall review this book. It's been quite a while since I finished it, so the story is not so fresh anymore in my memory. But, first of all, I strongly advise to check the TW before deciding to adding this to your TBR list, it deals with an abusive relationship. Told in reverse chronological order and to be honest, it was hard to get through. Not because of the writing (the writing is awesome), but because of how it pains me to see the state Ann is in. Will definitely pick this up again in the future.
May 29, 2015
Wow. I usually try to write my review within 24 hours of reading a book. With this one, I had to wait. It was just impossible for me to do it immediately after reading the book because I was just speechless. I wouldn't have been able to articulate my thoughts on this one at all, as it got to me on so many levels.
First, I'm sure you can see from the opening sentence of the Goodreads summary that this story is about abuse in a relationship. I actually didn't realize that when I picked it up. This was one of those rare moments when I didn't bother to read the back cover copy but sat down with the book based on title and cover. I am so glad that I did. I was in for a rude awakening...expecting a cute contemporary. Imagine my surprise. Do I regret it though? Not one bit.
This is one of those books that leaves you breathless, emotionally drained, in shock, but somehow oh, so grateful that you got to read it. Like it was somehow a gift of someone's heart that you got to share. I know I'm waxing poetic on this one but I can't help it. It was just so touching and so heart-wrenching for me.
Oftentimes, when people hear about someone who stays in an abusive relationship, they think to themselves, "why does that person stay? I would have left a long time ago." I've thought it myself. Well, this book gives you the answer for why people stay, even when it hurts them. The author did such an amazing job of revealing the innermost workings of a person in an abusive relationship. You can truly see how they are convinced to stay, even as you beg for her to get out while you read. The fact that Amanda Grace was able to do this so skillfully was phenomenal.
Very rarely does a book make me cry. This one did. I actually found it on the shelf in Barnes and Noble and started reading it there. Two hours later, I was still sitting in Barnes and Noble when I finished the book. Then I bought it. That scenario doesn't typically happen to me. A) I rarely finish a book in the store, even if I do like to sit down and enjoy it a little before I leave with it. B) If I did finish a book in the store, why would I then buy it? Because I had to own it.
I could go on and on... but you get the idea. I typically end my reviews by saying "If you liked this book, you might also like...." Today I won't. I don't know of a book that I could compare this to. Bravo Amanda Grace. Beautiful.
First, I'm sure you can see from the opening sentence of the Goodreads summary that this story is about abuse in a relationship. I actually didn't realize that when I picked it up. This was one of those rare moments when I didn't bother to read the back cover copy but sat down with the book based on title and cover. I am so glad that I did. I was in for a rude awakening...expecting a cute contemporary. Imagine my surprise. Do I regret it though? Not one bit.
This is one of those books that leaves you breathless, emotionally drained, in shock, but somehow oh, so grateful that you got to read it. Like it was somehow a gift of someone's heart that you got to share. I know I'm waxing poetic on this one but I can't help it. It was just so touching and so heart-wrenching for me.
Oftentimes, when people hear about someone who stays in an abusive relationship, they think to themselves, "why does that person stay? I would have left a long time ago." I've thought it myself. Well, this book gives you the answer for why people stay, even when it hurts them. The author did such an amazing job of revealing the innermost workings of a person in an abusive relationship. You can truly see how they are convinced to stay, even as you beg for her to get out while you read. The fact that Amanda Grace was able to do this so skillfully was phenomenal.
Very rarely does a book make me cry. This one did. I actually found it on the shelf in Barnes and Noble and started reading it there. Two hours later, I was still sitting in Barnes and Noble when I finished the book. Then I bought it. That scenario doesn't typically happen to me. A) I rarely finish a book in the store, even if I do like to sit down and enjoy it a little before I leave with it. B) If I did finish a book in the store, why would I then buy it? Because I had to own it.
I could go on and on... but you get the idea. I typically end my reviews by saying "If you liked this book, you might also like...." Today I won't. I don't know of a book that I could compare this to. Bravo Amanda Grace. Beautiful.
July 18, 2011
I felt the book read more like a diary than an actual novel. She was telling her story.. and thats pretty much it. The story in general is one we hear all too often both personally and in the media, and I will admit I could relate to a few situations myself. But I couldn't get passed the excuses she kept making for her boyfriends actions. It was a little too annoying for me, and I just plain didn't enjoy reading it. This book gets two stars from me, quick somewhat emotional read, but really lacking in depth if you ask me. On to my next read.
April 22, 2011
Book 19 for 2011. This is a hugely intense book I was unable to put down. The author chooses to tell the story backwards, and at first this threw me. Yet, when I reached the end, I was sold on the fact that to convey the message, this was exactly the right way to tell the story. Highly recommended for girls seventh grade and up, fans of realistic fiction or not.
July 8, 2011
Whew! What a whirlwind of heartbreak this story was! I had my eye on this book for a while now and finally decided to purchase it. It actually arrived yesterday and I was determined to finish it before slumbering last night. This was an easy task since the book held my attention until the very end.
Gosh, as I sit here to write this review, I still cannot wrap my head around it. I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head, so please just bear with me.
The book starts off in the present time of right now with Ann being battered and broken lying on the floor after Connor has went on a tirade. Connor has left and she fears him coming back, but also in the back of her mind she is hopeful that he returns and just wraps her in his arms and holds her. The reader gets to see their relationship through flashbacks going backwards from the end to the very beginning. It was interesting to read a book this way, but, it did put you more in touch with the characters.
Connor and Ann's relationship started out great. Ann was aware of his trouble at home and had decided and put all of her effort into helping him. Before she even realized what was happening, she had pushed everyone away and actually lost herself in the process. She literally lived every day for Connor. Connor knew what he was doing to Ann and even had begged her to leave a few times because he really did love her and did not want to be like his father. I felt a sense of sadness for Connor and just like Ann had wished that his mother could have been a stronger person and leave his dad so that maybe he would not have such anger issues himself. The writer did a great job at showing different scenarios in which made you love Connor and understand why Ann had such a deep connection to him. I would have liked to really read more. I was curious as to what had happened with Connor when the book ended.
This book was a huge eye opener for me. Especially when you see battered woman all the time and you just do not understand. It would be so easy for them to walk away? Not so much when they put their heart and soul into this relationship and they keep thinking that things will be different. I will remember this next time I think that to myself. I was once in a bad relationship, not physical but psychological, I had enough strength to just walk away. Some woman do not.
I thank Ms. Hubbard a.k.a Amanda Grace for opening our eyes to the world of domestic violence and make each and every one of us realize that things aren't always what you see on the outside. It's on the inside that hurts the most!
Gosh, as I sit here to write this review, I still cannot wrap my head around it. I have so many emotions and thoughts running through my head, so please just bear with me.
The book starts off in the present time of right now with Ann being battered and broken lying on the floor after Connor has went on a tirade. Connor has left and she fears him coming back, but also in the back of her mind she is hopeful that he returns and just wraps her in his arms and holds her. The reader gets to see their relationship through flashbacks going backwards from the end to the very beginning. It was interesting to read a book this way, but, it did put you more in touch with the characters.
Connor and Ann's relationship started out great. Ann was aware of his trouble at home and had decided and put all of her effort into helping him. Before she even realized what was happening, she had pushed everyone away and actually lost herself in the process. She literally lived every day for Connor. Connor knew what he was doing to Ann and even had begged her to leave a few times because he really did love her and did not want to be like his father. I felt a sense of sadness for Connor and just like Ann had wished that his mother could have been a stronger person and leave his dad so that maybe he would not have such anger issues himself. The writer did a great job at showing different scenarios in which made you love Connor and understand why Ann had such a deep connection to him. I would have liked to really read more. I was curious as to what had happened with Connor when the book ended.
This book was a huge eye opener for me. Especially when you see battered woman all the time and you just do not understand. It would be so easy for them to walk away? Not so much when they put their heart and soul into this relationship and they keep thinking that things will be different. I will remember this next time I think that to myself. I was once in a bad relationship, not physical but psychological, I had enough strength to just walk away. Some woman do not.
I thank Ms. Hubbard a.k.a Amanda Grace for opening our eyes to the world of domestic violence and make each and every one of us realize that things aren't always what you see on the outside. It's on the inside that hurts the most!
July 30, 2011
Find Full Review at http://www.readingangel.com/2011/07/b...
But I Love Him was a beautiful, dark tale of heartbreak. I knew going into this book that it was about an abusive relationship. This book was surprising though, in that it was wrote in such an original way. But I Love Him was written backwards, starting from the most dramatic, blow-out point (1 year) in the relationship, and then going backwards. In that way you are trying to find that point in the relationship where it turned, the point that you just want to scream to her to leave, but you're not really sure where it is.
But I Love Him was a beautiful, dark tale of heartbreak. I knew going into this book that it was about an abusive relationship. This book was surprising though, in that it was wrote in such an original way. But I Love Him was written backwards, starting from the most dramatic, blow-out point (1 year) in the relationship, and then going backwards. In that way you are trying to find that point in the relationship where it turned, the point that you just want to scream to her to leave, but you're not really sure where it is.
Read
November 9, 2009This is my debut under a pen-name, "Amanda Grace."
June 28, 2025
I have to read this book a second time in 2025. i read it like 10 years ago and i want to see how it affects me now that i am older
April 16, 2020
Okay. I have never read a book almost all the way and then had the last two chapters completely change how I felt. Throughout this book, I just wanted to scream at the main character, Ann, for thinking the thoughts that she did. The only thing I truly admired was how the author wrote the timeline of the abusive relationship in reverse chronological order aside from some flashfowards (?). The last two chapters really opened my eyes to see what Ann saw, why she felt the way she did, and why things happened the way they did.
I can happily say that I have never experienced something like Ann, but that doesn't mean this kind of thing doesn't happen everyday for some people. I will never be able to completely get a grasp on a situation like this without having to be in one, but this book definitely opened my eyes to why the victim can feel responsible. Amanda Grace did a great job.
I can happily say that I have never experienced something like Ann, but that doesn't mean this kind of thing doesn't happen everyday for some people. I will never be able to completely get a grasp on a situation like this without having to be in one, but this book definitely opened my eyes to why the victim can feel responsible. Amanda Grace did a great job.
June 3, 2013
This review can also be found here on my blog, PaperFantasies
Any avid or long-time follower of my blog or reviews knows how I feel about abusive relationships, and how YA has gotten into the habit of glorifying them. So many popular books play on the “He’s just misunderstood” idea and twist very real signs of danger into a bad-boy angle that is supposed to entice when it should warn away. But I Love Him is chock full of some of these very signs, but unlike so many in the genre, this novel shows the realistic, gritty consequences of an abusive relationship. For that reason alone, I would recommend this novel to every single girl who finds herself drawn to the bad boys of YA.
But I Love Him is told in reverse chronological order, a decision that at first seems questionable and difficult to adjust to, but one that reveals itself to be a stroke of genius as the story progresses. Because the actual author can explain her decision so much better than I could, the below quote is taken directly from the author interview at the back of the book;
“By telling the story in reverse chronological order, it removes the reader’s ability to judge the protagonist. They don’t know the events that led up to the abuse, so they can only sit back and observe.”
This bold story-telling decision proves to be very effective. We slowly learn what could have brought a young woman to the lowest of low points the novel starts with, and by the time we turn that last page, we are forced to face the fact that Ann’s devolving relationship with Connor isn’t something that could have been avoided had she been a little smarter, a little more confident, a little bit stronger. It is far, far from being that simple.
Ann’s love for Conner is very real, which is to be expected in this kind of novel. But what may be a little less obvious before you really enter their relationship is that Connor’s love for Ann is equally real. Another questionable decision of Grace’s was to make the abuser sympathetic, a tragic character haunted by his past. While there are sure to be some who hate the fact that Connor isn’t a clear-cut bad guy, and hate this book as a result, I am in love with the unabashed realism of this book. Because in abusive relationships, the abuser is very rarely as clear-cut evil as we tell ourselves. It’s not the moments of pain and debasing that keep women in these relationships, it’s the moments of honest love and kindness that make it so hard to walk away. But I Love Him captured this perfectly. So in the end, Ann’s decision on whether or not to leave isn’t predicated on whether or not Connor really loves her, because she knows he does. It’s whether or not his love is enough of a reason to continue to endure the pain and loss of self.
“I have to decide who I love more: me or Connor.”
So the theme of this book shines. It’s a powerful story that needed to be told, and needs to be told again, one I wish more people could hear about. But I do wish that a few of the scenes had been a bit more powerful emotionally, especially some of the abusive ones. The story as a whole is immensely effective, but some of the big, stand-out moments of the relationship just weren’t given enough weight, in my opinion. There were also a few things that are mentioned in the beginning of the book that we never get to see actually unfold by the end, one specifically that I really wanted to read about. So while I would unhesitatingly recommend this book to anyone and everyone, it wasn’t perfect. But the honesty in the pages makes up for whatever they lack tenfold.
This is the second of Amanda Grace’s novels I’ve read, and between this and the upcoming The Truth About You And Me, which deals with a teacher-student relationship, she’s quickly becoming one of my favorite less-known authors out there. Her books deal with real issues and show real consequences, not some romanticized version of events. While I’ll always love my romantic, happily-ever-after YA, the world needs more authors as willing to plumb the darker sides of love as Amanda Grace.
Any avid or long-time follower of my blog or reviews knows how I feel about abusive relationships, and how YA has gotten into the habit of glorifying them. So many popular books play on the “He’s just misunderstood” idea and twist very real signs of danger into a bad-boy angle that is supposed to entice when it should warn away. But I Love Him is chock full of some of these very signs, but unlike so many in the genre, this novel shows the realistic, gritty consequences of an abusive relationship. For that reason alone, I would recommend this novel to every single girl who finds herself drawn to the bad boys of YA.
But I Love Him is told in reverse chronological order, a decision that at first seems questionable and difficult to adjust to, but one that reveals itself to be a stroke of genius as the story progresses. Because the actual author can explain her decision so much better than I could, the below quote is taken directly from the author interview at the back of the book;
“By telling the story in reverse chronological order, it removes the reader’s ability to judge the protagonist. They don’t know the events that led up to the abuse, so they can only sit back and observe.”
This bold story-telling decision proves to be very effective. We slowly learn what could have brought a young woman to the lowest of low points the novel starts with, and by the time we turn that last page, we are forced to face the fact that Ann’s devolving relationship with Connor isn’t something that could have been avoided had she been a little smarter, a little more confident, a little bit stronger. It is far, far from being that simple.
Ann’s love for Conner is very real, which is to be expected in this kind of novel. But what may be a little less obvious before you really enter their relationship is that Connor’s love for Ann is equally real. Another questionable decision of Grace’s was to make the abuser sympathetic, a tragic character haunted by his past. While there are sure to be some who hate the fact that Connor isn’t a clear-cut bad guy, and hate this book as a result, I am in love with the unabashed realism of this book. Because in abusive relationships, the abuser is very rarely as clear-cut evil as we tell ourselves. It’s not the moments of pain and debasing that keep women in these relationships, it’s the moments of honest love and kindness that make it so hard to walk away. But I Love Him captured this perfectly. So in the end, Ann’s decision on whether or not to leave isn’t predicated on whether or not Connor really loves her, because she knows he does. It’s whether or not his love is enough of a reason to continue to endure the pain and loss of self.
“I have to decide who I love more: me or Connor.”
So the theme of this book shines. It’s a powerful story that needed to be told, and needs to be told again, one I wish more people could hear about. But I do wish that a few of the scenes had been a bit more powerful emotionally, especially some of the abusive ones. The story as a whole is immensely effective, but some of the big, stand-out moments of the relationship just weren’t given enough weight, in my opinion. There were also a few things that are mentioned in the beginning of the book that we never get to see actually unfold by the end, one specifically that I really wanted to read about. So while I would unhesitatingly recommend this book to anyone and everyone, it wasn’t perfect. But the honesty in the pages makes up for whatever they lack tenfold.
This is the second of Amanda Grace’s novels I’ve read, and between this and the upcoming The Truth About You And Me, which deals with a teacher-student relationship, she’s quickly becoming one of my favorite less-known authors out there. Her books deal with real issues and show real consequences, not some romanticized version of events. While I’ll always love my romantic, happily-ever-after YA, the world needs more authors as willing to plumb the darker sides of love as Amanda Grace.
April 7, 2021
Click here to see this review and others on my blog Reading With Daniella
This is the type of book that’s extremely difficult to write a review for. This is the third book I've read about an abusive relationship, and it’s the first time that I’m even attempting to write down my thoughts.
Books like these are some of the scariest that I will ever read. No horror story or thriller filled with monsters or ghosts will ever have anything on a novel like this because these are the horror stories that are too often reality. These are the stories about the real monsters. They are heart wrenching and challenging to read, but they’re so worth it, and they will have a hold on me for the rest of my life.
The writing style of But I Love Him was fantastic. This book was written in reverse chronological order. This was such a fascinating way to experience the story.
As much as I didn’t want to, I completely understood why Ann stayed. I knew and understood that it was dangerous and not the right decision, but I got it. I saw what she saw in Connor. While ill-tempered and down-right scary, I sympathized with him right along with Ann and I longed to help him because he had a sweet, kind side to him. A tiny part of me wanted to forgive him just like Ann did, even when she knew she shouldn’t. This novel helped me understand how easy it could be to be so swept up in someone that you could be able to look past all of their flaws, even the dangerous ones. It’s heartbreaking and terrifying, but it’s so real.
As the author mentioned in her note at the end of the book, reading their story in reverse chronological order made it easier to understand why Ann didn’t leave him. You can’t see the one moment where things go wrong - you can’t see the red flags at the beginning until the end. I think a lot of people have been guilty of wondering why people don’t just leave their partner when they're abusive. This book helps show how it’s never that simple. I think that the reader will walk away from this novel with a stronger grasp of and empathy for these situations. I know that I definitely did.
My only complaint about the book was the number of unanswered questions that I was left with. The book was rather short and I feel like we definitely could have done with just a few more chapters to show more of the relationship and progression of events between Ann and Connor.
If you enjoyed this book or are looking for more really powerful novels about abusive relationships, I would strongly recommend Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios or Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. I read both of these years ago but I loved them and they have had an impact on my life ever since. It's rare that a day passes in which my mind doesn't wander to these novels and the long-lasting lessons that they taught me.
*I read this book for the Magical Readathon 2020. It fulfilled the prompt of reading a book with a heart in the title or on the cover.
This is the type of book that’s extremely difficult to write a review for. This is the third book I've read about an abusive relationship, and it’s the first time that I’m even attempting to write down my thoughts.
Books like these are some of the scariest that I will ever read. No horror story or thriller filled with monsters or ghosts will ever have anything on a novel like this because these are the horror stories that are too often reality. These are the stories about the real monsters. They are heart wrenching and challenging to read, but they’re so worth it, and they will have a hold on me for the rest of my life.
The writing style of But I Love Him was fantastic. This book was written in reverse chronological order. This was such a fascinating way to experience the story.
As much as I didn’t want to, I completely understood why Ann stayed. I knew and understood that it was dangerous and not the right decision, but I got it. I saw what she saw in Connor. While ill-tempered and down-right scary, I sympathized with him right along with Ann and I longed to help him because he had a sweet, kind side to him. A tiny part of me wanted to forgive him just like Ann did, even when she knew she shouldn’t. This novel helped me understand how easy it could be to be so swept up in someone that you could be able to look past all of their flaws, even the dangerous ones. It’s heartbreaking and terrifying, but it’s so real.
As the author mentioned in her note at the end of the book, reading their story in reverse chronological order made it easier to understand why Ann didn’t leave him. You can’t see the one moment where things go wrong - you can’t see the red flags at the beginning until the end. I think a lot of people have been guilty of wondering why people don’t just leave their partner when they're abusive. This book helps show how it’s never that simple. I think that the reader will walk away from this novel with a stronger grasp of and empathy for these situations. I know that I definitely did.
My only complaint about the book was the number of unanswered questions that I was left with. The book was rather short and I feel like we definitely could have done with just a few more chapters to show more of the relationship and progression of events between Ann and Connor.
If you enjoyed this book or are looking for more really powerful novels about abusive relationships, I would strongly recommend Bad Romance by Heather Demetrios or Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. I read both of these years ago but I loved them and they have had an impact on my life ever since. It's rare that a day passes in which my mind doesn't wander to these novels and the long-lasting lessons that they taught me.
*I read this book for the Magical Readathon 2020. It fulfilled the prompt of reading a book with a heart in the title or on the cover.
May 28, 2011
I find myself incredibly disappointed in rating this book as I'm rating it, because I wanted to love this book. I wanted this book to be amazing, because that's what all of the reviews lead me to think it would be. But at the end, I found myself achingly disappointed.
The choice of reverse chronology was what got me interested in this. There's so much that can be done with it, and I was excited to see how the author approached it. But as we went from the heart of the abusive relationship to the beginning, I felt nothing for Ann. Her life before Connor was nothing -- she ran, but that's what all YA protagonists seem to do. They all run, have strange relationships with one of their parents, and have an outspoken best friend. There was nothing in this that distinguished Ann from the rest of them. I didn't see a personality. This why I couldn't understand the glass sculpture that she made for him. While it was a cute idea, what exactly were these pieces of herself that she gave to him?
It was more like Connor was giving shattered pieces of himself to Ann.
We're stuck through endless pages of "I want things to go back to how they were, I want it back, I want it back," and it just keeps going and going. So little happens between the middle and end (the start and middle of the relationship, really) that I couldn't fathom Ann's attraction to Connor. She didn't seem intrigued by him, she seemed consistently bored with her life, and even with him.
There was so much else that could have been explored in this, and so much else I wanted to see. Ann and Abby's relationship was the strongest aspect of this book, but I still don't feel like we got enough of that. I also liked the friendship between Ann and Blake, and I think that getting to know more from both Abby and Blake would have perhaps rounded Ann out some more. It would have made more of the "before" more powerful.
What could have been an extremely powerful novel didn't feel full, or finished to me. I want to be able to recommend this to people who want a better understanding of how abusive relationships unfold, but I can't.
The choice of reverse chronology was what got me interested in this. There's so much that can be done with it, and I was excited to see how the author approached it. But as we went from the heart of the abusive relationship to the beginning, I felt nothing for Ann. Her life before Connor was nothing -- she ran, but that's what all YA protagonists seem to do. They all run, have strange relationships with one of their parents, and have an outspoken best friend. There was nothing in this that distinguished Ann from the rest of them. I didn't see a personality. This why I couldn't understand the glass sculpture that she made for him. While it was a cute idea, what exactly were these pieces of herself that she gave to him?
It was more like Connor was giving shattered pieces of himself to Ann.
We're stuck through endless pages of "I want things to go back to how they were, I want it back, I want it back," and it just keeps going and going. So little happens between the middle and end (the start and middle of the relationship, really) that I couldn't fathom Ann's attraction to Connor. She didn't seem intrigued by him, she seemed consistently bored with her life, and even with him.
There was so much else that could have been explored in this, and so much else I wanted to see. Ann and Abby's relationship was the strongest aspect of this book, but I still don't feel like we got enough of that. I also liked the friendship between Ann and Blake, and I think that getting to know more from both Abby and Blake would have perhaps rounded Ann out some more. It would have made more of the "before" more powerful.
What could have been an extremely powerful novel didn't feel full, or finished to me. I want to be able to recommend this to people who want a better understanding of how abusive relationships unfold, but I can't.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 3, 2024
This book is a strong, interesting, disturbing story. It begins at the one year mark of the relationship between Ann and Connor, 17 and 18 years old, respectively. From there the story rewinds showing us the progression of their romance. Connor and Ann are teens who come from very different backgrounds but make an instant connection when they meet. Ann is a senior in high school, captain of the track team and working towards college. Connor is a smart young man who dropped out of high school, got his GED and is trying to make enough money to move out on his own. Ann lives with her widowed mother and is trying to figure out how to reconnect with her since her father's death shattered their world. Connor lives with his parents and his first priority is protecting his mother from his abusive father. Unfortunately, both of these teens are in need of something much more than the other one can give.
There is a lot of sexual content and strong language in the book. The story itself is about a topic which is sad and frightening. The author does an excellent job of showing us how what appears to be a perfectly normal teenage romance can turn into a violent, destructive and life-threatening prison. The development of the characters helps the reader to understand some of the reasons Connor uses physical, emotional and verbal abuse to deal with the insecurities of his life and why Ann would even want to stay with him. In spite of the content, I would recommend that both parents and teens read this book. Domestic abuse is a scary situation and knowledge can hopefully help in avoiding entanglements in this type of relationship. I thought the book handled the subject matter in a way that is interesting and informative. It can serve as an educational tool for parents and teens alike.
-Janeth
There is a lot of sexual content and strong language in the book. The story itself is about a topic which is sad and frightening. The author does an excellent job of showing us how what appears to be a perfectly normal teenage romance can turn into a violent, destructive and life-threatening prison. The development of the characters helps the reader to understand some of the reasons Connor uses physical, emotional and verbal abuse to deal with the insecurities of his life and why Ann would even want to stay with him. In spite of the content, I would recommend that both parents and teens read this book. Domestic abuse is a scary situation and knowledge can hopefully help in avoiding entanglements in this type of relationship. I thought the book handled the subject matter in a way that is interesting and informative. It can serve as an educational tool for parents and teens alike.
-Janeth
July 9, 2011
But I Love Him tells a story from a very unique perspective. The story begins in current day, where Ann is at the breaking point of her relationship. It shows how broken she has become due to her relationship with her boyfriend Conner. As the chapters continue, it takes us backwards through their relationship over the past year. It is fascinating to watch Ann in this way because we can see what slowly broke her down. We get to see who she was, whole, at the beginning of her relationship, presented at the end of the book.
With any book that focuses on abuse it's easy to say "why didn't he/she just get out?" As we know, it's not that easy. Individuals who abuse their partners know how to manipulate. We get a good look at how that can happen in this book. Conner was a master at getting Ann to do what he wanted. But Conner wasn't all bad. People can look into a relationship and only see the downside but Ann saw the good in Conner. He was a victim of abuse himself and as much as he may have wanted to stop the cycle, he wasn't able to break away.
But I Love Him is very raw and intense. Mandy does not shy away from the reality of abuse. Ann simply wanted love and affection. Conner gave her that and a million promises of their future. After she gives up so much she wonders if any of those promises will ever come true. By the end of the book it was surprising to see who Ann was "before". Before Conner, before the abuse, before being broken. She was someone with a fun personality and great friends.
Mandy Hubbard did a fabulous job on this story. But I Love Him looks at teenage relationship abuse from a new angle, and it's impossible to not get pulled into this story.
With any book that focuses on abuse it's easy to say "why didn't he/she just get out?" As we know, it's not that easy. Individuals who abuse their partners know how to manipulate. We get a good look at how that can happen in this book. Conner was a master at getting Ann to do what he wanted. But Conner wasn't all bad. People can look into a relationship and only see the downside but Ann saw the good in Conner. He was a victim of abuse himself and as much as he may have wanted to stop the cycle, he wasn't able to break away.
But I Love Him is very raw and intense. Mandy does not shy away from the reality of abuse. Ann simply wanted love and affection. Conner gave her that and a million promises of their future. After she gives up so much she wonders if any of those promises will ever come true. By the end of the book it was surprising to see who Ann was "before". Before Conner, before the abuse, before being broken. She was someone with a fun personality and great friends.
Mandy Hubbard did a fabulous job on this story. But I Love Him looks at teenage relationship abuse from a new angle, and it's impossible to not get pulled into this story.
May 3, 2011
Amanda Grace created a tragic and terrifying story about a young girl that finds herself in her worst nightmare. Many young girls believe it inconceivable that a situation such as this could happen to them. This realistic and honest truth about how it is easy for a girls to find their selves in such a situation it grab many readers and drag them into this young woman s nightmare. Interestingly, Grace created this story starting with the end and working her way to the beginning. I believe that this is a tremendously creative tactic; it delivers it story effectively by slapping you with the brutal truths then working in reverse. In giving the readers the ending and then building the character; we see the reality of who these characters are instead of an abuse monster and a weak victim. In the end it is easy to see how this young woman felt responsible and guilty for not being able to save Connor from himself, and how awful Connor s past was and how it helped it is also he that was a victim in this story. No doubt this young man needs some serious help to overcome his problems, but this is story that will help readers to see that the abuser is not always the monster we would like to perceive. This ultimately is an illness, and it is not one that in this case Connor was able to overcome alone. But I Love Him is heart stopping novel that any reader will find themselves relating to the character. As a normal and intelligent girl it is terrible to such a realistic story that could happen to anyone.
February 4, 2016
“But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars, and that's all I'll be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.”
I just want to cry and you don't want to hear me. Believe me. I read this book very fast and I got into it, like for real, at the middle of it. I feel like I understood so much more why she hadn't left him before by reading their story from end to beginning. It's interesting how she chose to tell the story, it was original and I appreciate this. I couldn't handle this subject very well though, it's just so sad that people live this illusion, that things will be okay, that people will change. It's so not right that in the end the good people will always be the hurt ones. And it's so wrong that the ones we consider monsters are way more broken than we let ourselves see. It's such a dead circle and this is humanity, society and everything. We chose to do the same it had been done to ourselves just so we know we're not the only ones who feel the pain, or maybe we do it because we don't know other ways. We think this is the only way.
“What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.”
I just want to cry and you don't want to hear me. Believe me. I read this book very fast and I got into it, like for real, at the middle of it. I feel like I understood so much more why she hadn't left him before by reading their story from end to beginning. It's interesting how she chose to tell the story, it was original and I appreciate this. I couldn't handle this subject very well though, it's just so sad that people live this illusion, that things will be okay, that people will change. It's so not right that in the end the good people will always be the hurt ones. And it's so wrong that the ones we consider monsters are way more broken than we let ourselves see. It's such a dead circle and this is humanity, society and everything. We chose to do the same it had been done to ourselves just so we know we're not the only ones who feel the pain, or maybe we do it because we don't know other ways. We think this is the only way.
“What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.”
never
June 24, 2015Changed my mind. I'm not gonna read this. If I do, I'll just get annoyed and pissed.
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