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Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ's Relentless Love
Ryan and Selena Frederick were newlyweds when they landed in Switzerland to pursue Selena's dream of training horses. Neither of them knew at the time that Ryan was living out a death sentence brought on by a worsening genetic heart defect. Soon it became clear he needed major surgery that could either save his life--or result in his death on the operating table. The young couple prepared for the worst.
When Ryan survived, they both realized that they still had a future together. But the near loss changed the way they saw all that would lie ahead. They would live and love fiercely, fighting for each other and for a Christ-centered marriage, every step of the way.
Fierce Marriage is their story, but more than that, it is a call for married couples to put God first in their relationship, to measure everything they do and say to each other against what Christ did for them, and to see marriage not just as a relationship they should try to keep healthy but also as one worth fighting for in every situation. With the gospel as their foundation, Ryan and Selena offer hope and practical help for common struggles in marriage, including communication problems, sexual frustration, financial stress, family tension, screen-time disconnection, and unrealistic expectations.
When Ryan survived, they both realized that they still had a future together. But the near loss changed the way they saw all that would lie ahead. They would live and love fiercely, fighting for each other and for a Christ-centered marriage, every step of the way.
Fierce Marriage is their story, but more than that, it is a call for married couples to put God first in their relationship, to measure everything they do and say to each other against what Christ did for them, and to see marriage not just as a relationship they should try to keep healthy but also as one worth fighting for in every situation. With the gospel as their foundation, Ryan and Selena offer hope and practical help for common struggles in marriage, including communication problems, sexual frustration, financial stress, family tension, screen-time disconnection, and unrealistic expectations.
240 pages, Paperback
Published April 17, 2018
406 people are currently reading
1309 people want to read
About the author
Ryan G. Frederick
9 books67 followersRyan & Selena Frederick are passionate about seeing the gospel change hearts and transform marriages. They believe it’s impossible for relationships to truly thrive outside of the redemptive, saving work of Jesus Christ. As writers they lead a vibrant community of hundreds of thousands of couples through their blog, Fierce Marriage.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
April 11, 2023
This book was so timely for me and my husband's journey right now. Parenting a special needs child can be so tough on your marriage, frustrations come to the forefront so easily and you don't seem to get the dedicated time together as you once did and need as a married couple. This book reminds you of the covenant of marriage, what it means to put Christ first in our relationship together, what Christ wants for our marriage, how the Gospel directly correlates to marriage and how we can glorify Christ in our marriage. This has real like conversations and stories that I can relate to and I am so glad I read it. I plan to discuss some of these topics with my husband and I can feel myself ready to slow down, be patient and work through frustrations more then quick to anger, quick to frustrations and quick to arguing. This book truly reminds you that without Jesus in your marriage, everything falls apart quickly. We need ot trust Him and put everything at His feet. I will see myself referring to this many times over the years.
April 10, 2018
I’m sitting down to write this review less than 24 hours after having a rather intense conflict with my wife. It happens now and then. I have a Master’s degree in Family Education, I work with couples all the time, I’ve read dozens of marriage books, and I can tell you all the steps for managing conflict and seeking and granting forgiveness. But when my wife and I fight… Let’s just say we still have a lot to learn.
I mention this because it illustrates why I – and you – need to read this book. This morning, still reeling from the turmoil with my bride, I opened up Fierce Marriage to finish the last couple chapters so I could write this review. I was on Chapter 9: “Dealing with Discord.” Go figure. But what I read immediately made me feel better about our fight; in their typical transparency, Ryan and Selena shared about their own conflicts, and what my wife and I had gone through suddenly felt very normal.
Normal or not, though, they pulled no punches in exposing the sin that rises in most conflict. They allowed no excuses for pride, hurtful words, and out of control tempers. But with just as much force and clarity, they pointed to the Gospel as the only sure means for properly dealing with conflict. In Jesus, we find every reason to put aside pride, repent of our failures, humbly beg for forgiveness from God and our spouse, and pursue grace and reconciliation. Ryan and Selena (probably without knowing they were doing it) lovingly put me in my place and shared with me the Biblical wisdom and inspiration for repairing my marriage.
This is just an example of the power of this book. Fierce Marriage isn’t a theological treatise of what the Bible says about marriage. It isn’t a how-to manual with step-by-step instructions for couples. It isn’t the story of how one couple does married life. It isn’t an expanded research paper about behaviors for marital success. Those are all components of the book, but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It is a manifesto that glorifies Christ and reveals how intimately linked the Gospel and marriage are. It is a challenge to all couples to fight for more than ordinary in their married life. And it is a call to all believers to lift up marriage as God’s institution for making and growing disciples of Jesus.
These are lofty concepts, but Ryan and Selena communicate them with authenticity and real world experience, Biblical teaching and hard earned wisdom. In each chapter they share some aspect of their story as a couple, delve into Scripture and unpack what it tells us about marriage, lay out some of the guidelines they’ve developed for their own relationship, and provide some questions for the reader’s reflection. All throughout, they go again and again to the Gospel of Jesus. Everything they say starts and ends with him. In their words, “God is not merely first on our priority list; he is the list. Without him, everything falls apart… To a person who trusts Jesus, nothing matters more than him but everything else matters more than before because of him.”
If you’ve read other marriage books and found them overly academic or theoretical, you’ll find this one refreshingly easy to read. They have a conversational style that makes it feel more like a well organized collection of blog posts than chapters in a book. That’s not to say the book is easy to get through – you’ll find yourself stopping to underline, highlight, make notes, or just sit and ponder often. You’ll probably be uncomfortable more than a few times. This book challenges you to embrace covenant love for your spouse – in Ryan and Selena’s words, “deep, unwavering, unconditional, and decided.” This requires absolute commitment to your spouse and absolute surrender to God.
The theology nerd in me was well fed by Ryan’s constant return to Scriptural principles. He presents a different take than most theologians on some aspects of marriage; more than a few times I had to go back and dig a little deeper on some of the passages he uses. But his study is thorough and his applications sound. If you like theology, you will enjoy the thoughtfulness behind this book.
The marriage educator in me especially appreciated Selena’s warm practicality. The sections she writes reflect a deep desire to do God’s will, and sensible encouragements for how to approach that in your own marriage. If you’re looking for direction, you’ll find it here.
As I mentioned above, I’ve read a decently tall stack of marriage books. Some I would recommend highly. Many I would not. Some I would call Must-Reads, and this book is now in that short list. If you’re serious about doing God’s will in marriage, or serious about having an awesome marriage, or just serious about loving your spouse well, don’t hesitate to pick up this book.
I mention this because it illustrates why I – and you – need to read this book. This morning, still reeling from the turmoil with my bride, I opened up Fierce Marriage to finish the last couple chapters so I could write this review. I was on Chapter 9: “Dealing with Discord.” Go figure. But what I read immediately made me feel better about our fight; in their typical transparency, Ryan and Selena shared about their own conflicts, and what my wife and I had gone through suddenly felt very normal.
Normal or not, though, they pulled no punches in exposing the sin that rises in most conflict. They allowed no excuses for pride, hurtful words, and out of control tempers. But with just as much force and clarity, they pointed to the Gospel as the only sure means for properly dealing with conflict. In Jesus, we find every reason to put aside pride, repent of our failures, humbly beg for forgiveness from God and our spouse, and pursue grace and reconciliation. Ryan and Selena (probably without knowing they were doing it) lovingly put me in my place and shared with me the Biblical wisdom and inspiration for repairing my marriage.
This is just an example of the power of this book. Fierce Marriage isn’t a theological treatise of what the Bible says about marriage. It isn’t a how-to manual with step-by-step instructions for couples. It isn’t the story of how one couple does married life. It isn’t an expanded research paper about behaviors for marital success. Those are all components of the book, but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It is a manifesto that glorifies Christ and reveals how intimately linked the Gospel and marriage are. It is a challenge to all couples to fight for more than ordinary in their married life. And it is a call to all believers to lift up marriage as God’s institution for making and growing disciples of Jesus.
These are lofty concepts, but Ryan and Selena communicate them with authenticity and real world experience, Biblical teaching and hard earned wisdom. In each chapter they share some aspect of their story as a couple, delve into Scripture and unpack what it tells us about marriage, lay out some of the guidelines they’ve developed for their own relationship, and provide some questions for the reader’s reflection. All throughout, they go again and again to the Gospel of Jesus. Everything they say starts and ends with him. In their words, “God is not merely first on our priority list; he is the list. Without him, everything falls apart… To a person who trusts Jesus, nothing matters more than him but everything else matters more than before because of him.”
If you’ve read other marriage books and found them overly academic or theoretical, you’ll find this one refreshingly easy to read. They have a conversational style that makes it feel more like a well organized collection of blog posts than chapters in a book. That’s not to say the book is easy to get through – you’ll find yourself stopping to underline, highlight, make notes, or just sit and ponder often. You’ll probably be uncomfortable more than a few times. This book challenges you to embrace covenant love for your spouse – in Ryan and Selena’s words, “deep, unwavering, unconditional, and decided.” This requires absolute commitment to your spouse and absolute surrender to God.
The theology nerd in me was well fed by Ryan’s constant return to Scriptural principles. He presents a different take than most theologians on some aspects of marriage; more than a few times I had to go back and dig a little deeper on some of the passages he uses. But his study is thorough and his applications sound. If you like theology, you will enjoy the thoughtfulness behind this book.
The marriage educator in me especially appreciated Selena’s warm practicality. The sections she writes reflect a deep desire to do God’s will, and sensible encouragements for how to approach that in your own marriage. If you’re looking for direction, you’ll find it here.
As I mentioned above, I’ve read a decently tall stack of marriage books. Some I would recommend highly. Many I would not. Some I would call Must-Reads, and this book is now in that short list. If you’re serious about doing God’s will in marriage, or serious about having an awesome marriage, or just serious about loving your spouse well, don’t hesitate to pick up this book.
September 13, 2020
My husband and I buddy-read this book over the course of last year (I just forgot to mark it).
We really enjoyed the stories and real-life applications to scriptural interpretation of marriage and relationship. There are some interpretations that we don't wholly agree with the church on that this book covers, but overall that's the point of having conversations and knowing where you stand in relationship with Jesus and one another.
Excellent couples activity and type of devotional to engage in together.
We really enjoyed the stories and real-life applications to scriptural interpretation of marriage and relationship. There are some interpretations that we don't wholly agree with the church on that this book covers, but overall that's the point of having conversations and knowing where you stand in relationship with Jesus and one another.
Excellent couples activity and type of devotional to engage in together.
September 4, 2019
My wife and I read this book as part of a small group christian couples. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I have to give readers two important disclaimers. First everything that the married couple Ryan and Selena Frederick cover in this book will not make a difference if you are not a Bible believing Christian. Second the Fredericks throughout this book do not claim to have the perfect solution to everything causes troubles in marriage or that their personal advice will work the same way for everyone. At its core "Fierce Marriage" is about understanding God's purpose for marriage and how seeking him diligently can make us better couples. Ryan and Selena do a great job of sharing their personal experiences and correlating them with scripture. The Fredericks cover a range of topics from finances, to sex, and resolving conflict. I found the chapter on fighting fair particularly helpful. I I was put on a better path to being a better husband through the course of reading this book. My wife and I really had some meaningful discussions while reading and discussing this book. What's great about this book is that in Ryan & Selena's eyes its not to late for any couple to begin a marriage relationship with their spouse that becomes more genuine and pushes every action we take to be intentional. This book really challenge me to change my perspective on not seeing your significant other as an enemy or not going into conflict wanted to win. In the book it is clear that we have to die to self and to love our wives like how Jesus loves the church. This was a good book that I highly recommend to all christian couples looking to get married and those who have already jumped the broom.
May 5, 2021
I don't love the name, but I found that book to be a great and easy to read account of the spiritual reality of what Christian marriage is. It's the theology of marriage explained without big theological words, instead using quotes from scripture and lived examples. There are some "self-help"ish elements, but the authors don't lean in to them so far as to make the book insincere. They don't frame their book as the answer to people's problems, but instead point to God.
Solid book. Would recommend for married or engaged couples hoping to better live out their faith through their marriage
Solid book. Would recommend for married or engaged couples hoping to better live out their faith through their marriage
January 3, 2020
This is not your typical marriage book. It is not a “do this and your marriage will get better” kind of book. It’s a book a couple wrote together describing their experiences and how the Bible has helped them through the bad ones. It is a book that leans heavily on God, the scripture, and each other. It is an excellent book.
July 24, 2020
Chock full of the GOSPEL! Definitely a once-a-year read. On the downside, no application for the unequally yoked, or even spouses not quite on the same page. But man, get a few couples living their marriage in light of the gospel, transform their families, transform the Church, transform the world!
September 25, 2020
Good, solid book on marriage. I liked the personal stories, biblical emphasis, and the focus on reliance on God and prioritizing marriage.
September 8, 2018
I’d give this a 4.5
There were so many great chapters and I honestly wished it was longer. I love how they tell their story and give many personal illustrations of success and failure in their marriage. They’ve experienced all sides of marriage -with fatal health issues, porn, finances, children, etc. They bring up communication and expectations in every area even in your sex life which you don’t hear much about. I love following them on Instagram because of their inspirational posts about marriage.❤️
There were so many great chapters and I honestly wished it was longer. I love how they tell their story and give many personal illustrations of success and failure in their marriage. They’ve experienced all sides of marriage -with fatal health issues, porn, finances, children, etc. They bring up communication and expectations in every area even in your sex life which you don’t hear much about. I love following them on Instagram because of their inspirational posts about marriage.❤️
May 1, 2018
"Fierce Marriage" offers great insight from two people who have experienced trials and triumph in the midst of their marriage. In order to explore the common areas of tension in marriage such as communication, sexuality, conflict, time and money Ryan and Selena Frederick share insights from their own journey intermingled with sound Biblical teachings. They declare the truth that a marriage, as blessed by God, is a covenant. Thus it has all the elements of a covenant relationship. These elements help a couple to understand the depth of the love they are called to in the midst of trials and triumph of marriage. This love reflects the love of God as revealed in the various covenants within Scripture. When followers of Christ honestly live out their marriage relationships as a reflection of Christ those relationships become a witness to the amazing love that Christ offers to each one of us. The balance of theological exposition and careful, heartfelt storytelling presented in this text convince the married, growing disciples of Christ to seek to honor Christ through this beautiful God-ordained relationship. The married couple is then challenged to live this out as testimony to God's great grace and everlasting love. The appendix that concludes the text underlines points made within the primary narrative by carefully and completely exploring the Biblical covenants and how God works within those covenants to share His love.
I received this book as part of Baker Books Blogging Program.
I received this book as part of Baker Books Blogging Program.
March 26, 2021
(4.5 stars) Overall, it was a great book. As a Catholic, I found very little to disagree with on the Fredericks’ teachings on marriage. The only chapter where I felt they were lacking was the one on sex and intimacy. There was a strong utilitarian feel to the chapter. The Catholic Church, through the teachings especially of Pope St. John Paul II, has a beautiful view of intimacy in a marriage. I would recommend everyone who reads Fierce Marriage, whether or not they are Catholic, to seek the teachings of the theology of the body.
Read
January 23, 2025Love vs. lust -a wonderful guideline
Lust is self serving, love is selfless
Lust prefers the body first, love values the soul above all else
Lust is short sided, love works with eternity in view
Lust is foolish, love is wise
Lust rushes, love is patient
Lust treats a person as an object, love treats a person as a soul to be cherished
Lust is lazy, love is diligent
Lust is poison, love is pure
I Corinthians 13
Lust is self serving, love is selfless
Lust prefers the body first, love values the soul above all else
Lust is short sided, love works with eternity in view
Lust is foolish, love is wise
Lust rushes, love is patient
Lust treats a person as an object, love treats a person as a soul to be cherished
Lust is lazy, love is diligent
Lust is poison, love is pure
I Corinthians 13
March 11, 2025
This is a great book! I will be recommending it over and over, and I've already bought a few to give away to friends. Whether you have a great marriage or one that is struggling, I think this book is extremely beneficial and encouraging. My favorite part of the book (and their podcast, which I highly recommend!) is that, in everything they write or discuss, they point toward Christ, the Gospel, and Covenant. Fantastic; I cannot express it enough. God is using this ministry, for sure.
January 16, 2022
Wow! I knew marriage was important and special, but I didn't fully understand the magnitude of it until I read this book. Thankfully, not all of it was brand new information. But, there was a ton of new things to put into practice. Because after all... only He is perfect and the rest of us are all a work in progress.
January 13, 2019
I loved this book it took me awhile to finish it not because it was a hard read but because I found myself stopping a lot to think and take I. What I read and reading many of the Bible verses I am so glad a read this book
March 1, 2019
A refreshing and encouraging read that was practical, and yet entirely centered on Christ. Appreciated the transparency of the authors and the way they told their story throughout, yet still kept the focus completely on the Gospel.
March 12, 2020
Fantastic, deep-rooted, Gospel-centered work that drove(and will continue to drive) me to seek a deeper relationship with Christ, so I can love more like Him.
November 1, 2021
A fantastic read, emphasizing the importance of Christ and the Gospel in marriage. This is a book I will read again.
May 16, 2023
If you grew up in the church, I want you to imagine what a christian marriage book would say. That’s exactly what you’ll find in this book. There were several, “hey I haven’t thought of it that way” super solid points but it just didn’t go as deep as I would’ve liked.
April 16, 2018
For those who don't know me, I love reading books. In particular, I love reading books about marriage, mainly because I am getting married in 41 days! God has also given me a heart for marriage. About 2 months ago while I was scrolling Facebook, I kept seeing this ad for a book titled Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ's Relentless Love. Immediately I was drawn to it because of the title. The image of having a fierce marriage intrigued me. I began searching for this book and realized that it wasn't out yet. You could say that I was pretty sad. Fast forward about 2 weeks after that, I saw another ad mentioning they were needing people to be a part of their launch team for the book. I immediately filled out the form and was accepted. As someone who has read many marriage books from school and personal interest, I was praying that this book would be different from the rest. For the most part our culture lacks on marriage books that will actually help your marriage. Most of the marriage books out there put the focus on YOU, and how YOU can fix it. They never mention or occasionally mention the gospel. I was praying that they book would be like, The Reason for Marriage by Tim Keller or You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan. I wanted to see the gospel at the center. I was not disappointed. From the very beginning, Ryan and Selena wanted to put the gospel at the center of the book. They wrote with incredible humility and transparency. They let the reader know the shortcomings in their marriage. Instead of trying to fix it themselves, they emphasize how understanding the gospel and letting that transform your marriage is the best thing for you. Fierce Marriage is filled with Scripture. Anything that Ryan or Selena claim, they provided to Scripture to back it up. I haven't read a book on marriage that was soaked with this much Scripture. The first half of the book sets up the theology while the last half focuses on practical ways to implement this theology. They tackle some of the big issues in marriage: communication, sexual intimacy, money, priorities, and others. I think this book will appeal to anyone who wants to read a book that gets real about marriage. IF you are a Christian, you will read this book and be changed. It will radically change the way you see your marriage. Fierce Marriage will leave you embracing Christ more and in turn loving your spouse as Jesus loves the church. You will come to realize and believe that your marriage is not about YOU, it is about Jesus.
Favorite Quotes:
"To a person who trusts Jesus, nothing matters more than him but everything else matters more than before because of him."
"The goal in communication is always to advance your relationship and enhance your intimacy."
"Breakdowns in communication are inevitable. It's in these breakdowns that we can experience and extend God's grace by understanding that the goal is reconciliation and not simply being "right."
"In Christ, you're not defined by your past; you're defined by his perfect life, death, and resurrection."
"It's not about you. It's all about Jesus. It always has been."
"Everything lasting change in our hearts is the result of God's work' not out own.
Pre-Order Bonuses:
If your pre-order the book by the end of the day, April 16th, you can enjoy some awesome bonuses. Go to fiercemarriagebook.com to see all of the amazing bonuses.
Hope you enjoy the book as much as I did.
Favorite Quotes:
"To a person who trusts Jesus, nothing matters more than him but everything else matters more than before because of him."
"The goal in communication is always to advance your relationship and enhance your intimacy."
"Breakdowns in communication are inevitable. It's in these breakdowns that we can experience and extend God's grace by understanding that the goal is reconciliation and not simply being "right."
"In Christ, you're not defined by your past; you're defined by his perfect life, death, and resurrection."
"It's not about you. It's all about Jesus. It always has been."
"Everything lasting change in our hearts is the result of God's work' not out own.
Pre-Order Bonuses:
If your pre-order the book by the end of the day, April 16th, you can enjoy some awesome bonuses. Go to fiercemarriagebook.com to see all of the amazing bonuses.
Hope you enjoy the book as much as I did.
May 14, 2018
Another marriage book you might say. And yes, that is exactly what it is. But every marriage book I have read has a new or different slant or a different way of saying things that brings out a point in a way that makes you go, ah-ha. And this book really was no different.
I wouldn't say this book had as many ah-ha moments for me as some do, but there were definitely things that made me stop. For example, on the chapter on Dealing with Discord there is a subheading called "Fight Naked". Now that will make you stop for a second. But there are two elements here, one truly is fighting naked. They would say it's one of the best pieces of advice they ever received because it's really hard to stay mad when you are naked. It just makes me laugh to think about trying to argue like that. But the other thing is the intimacy level. In a marriage your desire is to know your spouse like you know yourself, but when we fight our defences go up and we put "armor" on. To fight naked is to allow yourself to be seen for who you really are and to see the other person for who they really are. This can lead to a much deeper relationship. "It's an intimate, trusting exchange." You see the other person the way God sees them and you determine to love them faults and all, just like God does. So while the mental image is really funny, there's a much deeper depth to it than physical nakedness.
One of the other things that stuck out to me in this book was the thing of asking questions. Regardless what the question is, ask it. It's how you learn to know your spouse. One example they gave was, who would you most or least like to get stuck in an elevator with? Just random questions, but they can also lead to some great conversations. I just really liked this idea. We have been married for only nine years, but it is easy to think you kind of know what you need to know and if you don't know, it doesn't really matter and all conversations have to be deep, heart things, when in reality these questions allow you to continue to explore and get to know your spouse.
Other areas were explored like time and priorities, sex and intimacy, and how our marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church and a way to reach out to the world around us, a commissioned marriage, a place for our children to flourish, God's family is strengthened, and communities are reached. Marriage is about so much more than me and how I am affected. And that is always good to remember.
I received this book from Baker Books and was not required to give a positive review.
I wouldn't say this book had as many ah-ha moments for me as some do, but there were definitely things that made me stop. For example, on the chapter on Dealing with Discord there is a subheading called "Fight Naked". Now that will make you stop for a second. But there are two elements here, one truly is fighting naked. They would say it's one of the best pieces of advice they ever received because it's really hard to stay mad when you are naked. It just makes me laugh to think about trying to argue like that. But the other thing is the intimacy level. In a marriage your desire is to know your spouse like you know yourself, but when we fight our defences go up and we put "armor" on. To fight naked is to allow yourself to be seen for who you really are and to see the other person for who they really are. This can lead to a much deeper relationship. "It's an intimate, trusting exchange." You see the other person the way God sees them and you determine to love them faults and all, just like God does. So while the mental image is really funny, there's a much deeper depth to it than physical nakedness.
One of the other things that stuck out to me in this book was the thing of asking questions. Regardless what the question is, ask it. It's how you learn to know your spouse. One example they gave was, who would you most or least like to get stuck in an elevator with? Just random questions, but they can also lead to some great conversations. I just really liked this idea. We have been married for only nine years, but it is easy to think you kind of know what you need to know and if you don't know, it doesn't really matter and all conversations have to be deep, heart things, when in reality these questions allow you to continue to explore and get to know your spouse.
Other areas were explored like time and priorities, sex and intimacy, and how our marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church and a way to reach out to the world around us, a commissioned marriage, a place for our children to flourish, God's family is strengthened, and communities are reached. Marriage is about so much more than me and how I am affected. And that is always good to remember.
I received this book from Baker Books and was not required to give a positive review.
May 6, 2021
I heard about the book through the Frederick's podcast by the same name, Fierce Marriage. They had interesting insights that were thought-provoking to listen to and I wanted to get more information about them and their ideas so that is why I chose this book.
So two points for me for this book. The first is I had the intention of reading this book with my wife while my job took me away from her for a year. The idea was we will run out of things to talk about, just the mundanes of life and this will help us have conversation material and at the same time will allow us to strengthen our marriage. Then coronavirus happened and well, I finally got around to finishing the book. My wife never seemed too interested in it but I enjoyed it.
The second was to gain more information about this gospel-centered marriage concept I keep hearing about. I knew it was a positive desire to have a good and healthy marriage for the sake of ourselves and the sake of our children. What does this gospel-centered part come in though? This book did a good job of answering that question. It wasn't rocket science, a lot of the bits of information I was aware of but never framed those thoughts and ideas in the same way as this book did. Other ideas and thoughts were new to me. How in the world could you think through certain problems or circumstances in a way that could be considered gospel-centered? So this book did a good job of answering that question for me.
Finally I would recommend this book to folks. Particularly newly weds or maybe even those in a struggling marriage. It wasn't trans-formative for me but I didn't expect it to be. My marriage I would consider is overall a healthy and happy marriage. I did walk away with some new insight and maybe some new ideas to try. Its not a heavy or a difficult read as long as you aren't struggling to read it with someone at the same time on the other side of the world and as long as you aren't in the middle of a pandemic which caused me to set the book aside for several months and collect dust. I am glad I did come back to and finish the book.
So two points for me for this book. The first is I had the intention of reading this book with my wife while my job took me away from her for a year. The idea was we will run out of things to talk about, just the mundanes of life and this will help us have conversation material and at the same time will allow us to strengthen our marriage. Then coronavirus happened and well, I finally got around to finishing the book. My wife never seemed too interested in it but I enjoyed it.
The second was to gain more information about this gospel-centered marriage concept I keep hearing about. I knew it was a positive desire to have a good and healthy marriage for the sake of ourselves and the sake of our children. What does this gospel-centered part come in though? This book did a good job of answering that question. It wasn't rocket science, a lot of the bits of information I was aware of but never framed those thoughts and ideas in the same way as this book did. Other ideas and thoughts were new to me. How in the world could you think through certain problems or circumstances in a way that could be considered gospel-centered? So this book did a good job of answering that question for me.
Finally I would recommend this book to folks. Particularly newly weds or maybe even those in a struggling marriage. It wasn't trans-formative for me but I didn't expect it to be. My marriage I would consider is overall a healthy and happy marriage. I did walk away with some new insight and maybe some new ideas to try. Its not a heavy or a difficult read as long as you aren't struggling to read it with someone at the same time on the other side of the world and as long as you aren't in the middle of a pandemic which caused me to set the book aside for several months and collect dust. I am glad I did come back to and finish the book.
April 17, 2018
Fierce Marriage is a great tool for married couples, engaged couples, dating couples and even singles for shedding light on the true definition of marriage and what its goals should be. Using their personal experiences as well as scripture and theology, Ryan and Selena guide couples through common topics and issues in marriage. Not only is it enlightening in addressing topics such as intimacy, finances and the covenant of marriage but they provide biblical and theological support for everything discussed. They present the material in a way that you feel like youre having a conversation with them or they are speaking directly to you. Some books may focus strictly on theology and can become tough to follow and read for some and other books can focus only on practicality with no emphasis on scripture or theology, but not Fierce Marriage! There is a wonderful balance of both as Ryan and Selena present the material in an engaging and inspiring way!
After reading each chapter my wife and I were engaged in meaningful conversations that drew us closer to one another while discussing major topics in our marriage which is something every married couple should be doing no matter the length of their marriage. This book is an easy read and a fun and inspiring read. I found myself motivated to be a better husband and disciple of Christ as I pursue my wife fiercely. But what I love most about the book is how with everything discussed the conversation always comes back to Jesus and glorifying Him which is/should be the ultimate goal in a marriage. I would highly recommend this book to anyone really, not just married couples but obviously any marriage at any stage of the marriage would greatly benefit from reading Fierce Marriage. It will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to strengthen your marriage and your walk with Christ and will provide you with the tools to do so! Thanks Ryan and Selena for providing this wonderful book that stands out in the myriad of marriage books!
After reading each chapter my wife and I were engaged in meaningful conversations that drew us closer to one another while discussing major topics in our marriage which is something every married couple should be doing no matter the length of their marriage. This book is an easy read and a fun and inspiring read. I found myself motivated to be a better husband and disciple of Christ as I pursue my wife fiercely. But what I love most about the book is how with everything discussed the conversation always comes back to Jesus and glorifying Him which is/should be the ultimate goal in a marriage. I would highly recommend this book to anyone really, not just married couples but obviously any marriage at any stage of the marriage would greatly benefit from reading Fierce Marriage. It will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to strengthen your marriage and your walk with Christ and will provide you with the tools to do so! Thanks Ryan and Selena for providing this wonderful book that stands out in the myriad of marriage books!
June 14, 2018
What really drew me to this book was seeing Gary Thomas' name on the front cover. I've long appreciated his books, and the thoughts he gives on love, marriage, and more. Having his endorsement really made me want to read this.
This is one of those books that really takes time to read through. You must read a bit, and then meditate on it, soak it up, really allow it to become a part of who you are. It is full of challenging thoughts and ideas. And about letting go of one's own desires in light of what God wants.
A truly Christ-centered marriage is not an easy achievement. It means forgetting about one's self in light of God and all He has done for me. Putting God first, and my spouse second.
Just a few quotes:
"You don't have to be perfect. God is faithfully at work on your heart, teaching you how to love more completely--how to be patient, kind, humble, considerate, selfless, and so much more. We will never love our spouses perfectly on this side of eternity, but God also never stops showing us how."
"Your priorities are the greatest indicators of what--or who--you love most. And like all sin, wrong priorities will wreak havoc in your life and marriage."
And what about when you get to the end of your life. When you're standing before God. You will have to give an account to him for your family. Your relationships. What you are giving to those, do you have confidence, can you say "yes, I am giving that my all, the priority God wants me to give."
No matter where you are in life, what relationships you are in, look to God--ask Him to help you be who He wants you to be, and to love those around you with His Love. He never gives up on us!!
Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review, and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
This is one of those books that really takes time to read through. You must read a bit, and then meditate on it, soak it up, really allow it to become a part of who you are. It is full of challenging thoughts and ideas. And about letting go of one's own desires in light of what God wants.
A truly Christ-centered marriage is not an easy achievement. It means forgetting about one's self in light of God and all He has done for me. Putting God first, and my spouse second.
Just a few quotes:
"You don't have to be perfect. God is faithfully at work on your heart, teaching you how to love more completely--how to be patient, kind, humble, considerate, selfless, and so much more. We will never love our spouses perfectly on this side of eternity, but God also never stops showing us how."
"Your priorities are the greatest indicators of what--or who--you love most. And like all sin, wrong priorities will wreak havoc in your life and marriage."
And what about when you get to the end of your life. When you're standing before God. You will have to give an account to him for your family. Your relationships. What you are giving to those, do you have confidence, can you say "yes, I am giving that my all, the priority God wants me to give."
No matter where you are in life, what relationships you are in, look to God--ask Him to help you be who He wants you to be, and to love those around you with His Love. He never gives up on us!!
Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources, including, publishers, publicists, authors, and/or NetGalley. I am not required to write a positive review, and have not received any compensation. The opinions shared here are my own entirely. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255
May 14, 2018
Fierce Marriage by Ryan and Selena Frederick isn't your typical marriage book! From the beginning of the book the authors claim their book is not just helpful and it's not just hopeful, as some marriage books tend to be. Their book is both helpful and hopeful. I found this to be true over and over again in the book.
I was a bit distracted at the beginning by some platitudes and a really long drawn out story. When the story ended however, the book picked up. I felt like the explanation for the super long story was mediocre at best. I wanted to have a clearer understanding why they spent the time they did at the very beginning of the book to tell the story. The beginning of a book is such a critical time to grab the readers attention and keep them reading. While I never understood why they included as much detail to the story as they did, I understood what they were generally trying to say with the story. I wished the beginning of the book would have been different.
That aside, I loved the book from there on out. The authors don't take for granted that the reader knows what basic scriptural concepts are. They clearly explain the gospel and why it is so important for marriage. Scripture is constantly referred to. The part I love the most is that the authors don't focus on solving symptoms, on putting a bandaid on a broken marriage. They clearly state that it's only through heart change, brought on by the gospel, that marriage can be fierce! YES!!! When I read that I almost said "YESS!!!" out loud. I loved how genuine the authors were. They talked openly about their struggles and built a rapport with the reader in such a great way.
Overall I would give this book 4 stars. They have great experience to share and everything is explained through the lens of the gospel. Great book.
I received a copy of this book from Baker Books in exchange for my honest review. The thoughts stated here are my own.
I was a bit distracted at the beginning by some platitudes and a really long drawn out story. When the story ended however, the book picked up. I felt like the explanation for the super long story was mediocre at best. I wanted to have a clearer understanding why they spent the time they did at the very beginning of the book to tell the story. The beginning of a book is such a critical time to grab the readers attention and keep them reading. While I never understood why they included as much detail to the story as they did, I understood what they were generally trying to say with the story. I wished the beginning of the book would have been different.
That aside, I loved the book from there on out. The authors don't take for granted that the reader knows what basic scriptural concepts are. They clearly explain the gospel and why it is so important for marriage. Scripture is constantly referred to. The part I love the most is that the authors don't focus on solving symptoms, on putting a bandaid on a broken marriage. They clearly state that it's only through heart change, brought on by the gospel, that marriage can be fierce! YES!!! When I read that I almost said "YESS!!!" out loud. I loved how genuine the authors were. They talked openly about their struggles and built a rapport with the reader in such a great way.
Overall I would give this book 4 stars. They have great experience to share and everything is explained through the lens of the gospel. Great book.
I received a copy of this book from Baker Books in exchange for my honest review. The thoughts stated here are my own.
June 5, 2018
After more than 17 years of marriage, our marriage is in a good place, but I still enjoy an occasional marriage book. I found Fierce Marriage by Ryan and Selena Frederick to be a inspiring read and full of encouragement for couples to keep their marriage centered in Christ if they have been married awhile and to start with their marriage in Christ if they are newlyweds.
Fierce Marriage starts out with the Fredericks sharing their personal story of their early marriage years. Then throughout the book they encourage couples through their story to keep the marriage covenant, to keep their marriage centered on Christ and what that means, to communicate and connect fully, to agree on how they spend their money and steward their resources, how to fight fairly and how to fight for their marriage. Each chapter in the book shares stories from Ryan and Selena with a little bit from each of their viewpoints. At the end of each chapter, are a few questions to ask and reflect on together.
I found Fierce Marriage to be an encouraging and engaging read. I liked how they mixed their story with solid information on creating a good marriage in light of living for Christ. I also like how they share their story honestly and straightforwardly. Reading this book is like sitting down with the Fredericks while they share and encourage. I would encourage any married person or couple to read this book, no matter how many years they have been married as it is a good reminder of the importance of putting God first in the marriage and just how that can play out in different areas of life. I think it would also be a great book for a couple getting married.
I received this book from the publisher, Baker Book Publishing. I was not required to write a positive review.
Fierce Marriage starts out with the Fredericks sharing their personal story of their early marriage years. Then throughout the book they encourage couples through their story to keep the marriage covenant, to keep their marriage centered on Christ and what that means, to communicate and connect fully, to agree on how they spend their money and steward their resources, how to fight fairly and how to fight for their marriage. Each chapter in the book shares stories from Ryan and Selena with a little bit from each of their viewpoints. At the end of each chapter, are a few questions to ask and reflect on together.
I found Fierce Marriage to be an encouraging and engaging read. I liked how they mixed their story with solid information on creating a good marriage in light of living for Christ. I also like how they share their story honestly and straightforwardly. Reading this book is like sitting down with the Fredericks while they share and encourage. I would encourage any married person or couple to read this book, no matter how many years they have been married as it is a good reminder of the importance of putting God first in the marriage and just how that can play out in different areas of life. I think it would also be a great book for a couple getting married.
I received this book from the publisher, Baker Book Publishing. I was not required to write a positive review.
April 17, 2018
If you've ever read a marriage book, it was probably filled with chapter after chapter of how-tos. Follow these steps, and your marriage will be better. Do these things, and your spouse will love you more. These steps aren't necessarily bad, but they're incomplete. If you've ever read a Christian marriage book, you've seen the same how-tos but with some random Bible verses scattered throughout.
And each of the above points is where Fierce Marriage is different.
First, Ryan and Selena are transparent. They don't even attempt (which would fail) to present themselves as having it all together. They openly present to their readers the struggles they've had daily. This gives them great credibility in their writing.
Second, they don't give you many how-tos. They share their experiences; both the successful and the failed ones. There is no one right way to do things, and their presentation allows people to evaluate whether their actions would work.
And third, Fierce Marriage is one of the top marriage books I've read in terms of theology. THAT is the key to a successful marriage. We need to stop trying to make it work, and give our lives to God. When we do that, we become humble servants who love others people and lift them up. Isn't that what a successful marriage looks like? And that's what Ryan and Selena present beautifully; how we can focus our lives on God, which in turn will allow us to focus our marriage on God.
I was given a free copy of this book to read and review, but no other incentives have been provided. This review is my honest thoughts about the book with no pressure from anyone.
And each of the above points is where Fierce Marriage is different.
First, Ryan and Selena are transparent. They don't even attempt (which would fail) to present themselves as having it all together. They openly present to their readers the struggles they've had daily. This gives them great credibility in their writing.
Second, they don't give you many how-tos. They share their experiences; both the successful and the failed ones. There is no one right way to do things, and their presentation allows people to evaluate whether their actions would work.
And third, Fierce Marriage is one of the top marriage books I've read in terms of theology. THAT is the key to a successful marriage. We need to stop trying to make it work, and give our lives to God. When we do that, we become humble servants who love others people and lift them up. Isn't that what a successful marriage looks like? And that's what Ryan and Selena present beautifully; how we can focus our lives on God, which in turn will allow us to focus our marriage on God.
I was given a free copy of this book to read and review, but no other incentives have been provided. This review is my honest thoughts about the book with no pressure from anyone.
April 26, 2018
A wonderful, encouraging book that propels you to view your marriage in light of the Gospel. Everything this book covers was thoughtful and well-said. Ryan and Selena’s work both inspired and challenged me to be more selfless in my marriage, among other things. Throughout the book they examine what it looks like to be Christ-centered, communication that builds up instead of tearing apart, fighting fair, and so many other things.
Perhaps I set the bar too low, but I was really blown away by all the Biblical principles that were discussed and tied to what a Godly marriage looks like. It revealed some unfortunate habits in my life that I am prayerfully working on. The beauty is this, Ryan and Selena are not condemning in any way. Rather, they point you to Christ and to His example. They show a better way, and sympathize with human failings because they aren’t perfect either.
They are super vulnerable and open, sharing about several of their marriage struggles in the past and how they worked through them to get to where they are now. Whether your marriage is healthy and thriving, or struggling and barely surviving, you ought to check this one out. I haven’t read too many marriage books, but this one sticks out to be as one of the best out there, purely because of the way they point to the Gospel.
This book will strengthen you, ground you, and encourage you to press on in the good work of loving your spouse. I’m excited to see the impact this book has!
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in return for an honest review of my opinions, which I have done. Thanks!
Perhaps I set the bar too low, but I was really blown away by all the Biblical principles that were discussed and tied to what a Godly marriage looks like. It revealed some unfortunate habits in my life that I am prayerfully working on. The beauty is this, Ryan and Selena are not condemning in any way. Rather, they point you to Christ and to His example. They show a better way, and sympathize with human failings because they aren’t perfect either.
They are super vulnerable and open, sharing about several of their marriage struggles in the past and how they worked through them to get to where they are now. Whether your marriage is healthy and thriving, or struggling and barely surviving, you ought to check this one out. I haven’t read too many marriage books, but this one sticks out to be as one of the best out there, purely because of the way they point to the Gospel.
This book will strengthen you, ground you, and encourage you to press on in the good work of loving your spouse. I’m excited to see the impact this book has!
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in return for an honest review of my opinions, which I have done. Thanks!
May 14, 2018
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:7-8)
Authors, Ryan and Selena Frederick of Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ's Relentless Love approached readers with profound insight on the covenant of marriage. They are honest in their own struggles as well as their goals towards a covenant that strengthens the bond of their marriage. This is not the typical marriage dos and don'ts, but a series of topics that ties into what brings forth a healthy marriage wrapped in God's intentional love.
"Friendship us rewarding, but here's the bottom line: intentional communication takes work. . ." (129)
I find many aspects enlightening, but also relatable, as personal stories and understanding made it so. I also find the honesty of the authors welcoming, giving readers a perspective easy to communicate. Reading Fierce Marriage with your spouse may be a good way to start the intentionality the authors refer to. In all, with topics on communication, commitment, finances, intimacy and conflict resolution with biblical references, Fierce Marriage focuses on God's love and intention for marriage - a great read for any marriage.
"Every lasting change in our hearts is the result of God's work, not our own. . . With Christ, every conflict in marriage is a gracious reminder to rest in and extend His love. " (80/194)
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author/publisher. I was not required to write a positive review, and have not been compensated for this. This is my honest opinion.
Authors, Ryan and Selena Frederick of Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ's Relentless Love approached readers with profound insight on the covenant of marriage. They are honest in their own struggles as well as their goals towards a covenant that strengthens the bond of their marriage. This is not the typical marriage dos and don'ts, but a series of topics that ties into what brings forth a healthy marriage wrapped in God's intentional love.
"Friendship us rewarding, but here's the bottom line: intentional communication takes work. . ." (129)
I find many aspects enlightening, but also relatable, as personal stories and understanding made it so. I also find the honesty of the authors welcoming, giving readers a perspective easy to communicate. Reading Fierce Marriage with your spouse may be a good way to start the intentionality the authors refer to. In all, with topics on communication, commitment, finances, intimacy and conflict resolution with biblical references, Fierce Marriage focuses on God's love and intention for marriage - a great read for any marriage.
"Every lasting change in our hearts is the result of God's work, not our own. . . With Christ, every conflict in marriage is a gracious reminder to rest in and extend His love. " (80/194)
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the author/publisher. I was not required to write a positive review, and have not been compensated for this. This is my honest opinion.
May 19, 2018
I’ve read a lot of marriage books over the years but I can’t remember reading one that speaks as well as this one does to the centrality of the Gospel in marriage. I don’t believe that makes this book any better than books that focus on other aspects of marriage and ways to improve it, but I do think it makes this one of the most powerful books I’ve read with regard to helping me develop an understanding of how God uses marriage to work in the lives of myself, my spouse, our kids, and everyone else in the world around us. I love the message the Fredricks share: reminding us that although the answer will brach out into other ideas, tips and actions you can take, the answer to every marriage problem always BEGINS with Jesus. This book is well written, wonderfully honest and transparent, inspiring and challenging. I would say it is required reading for any married (or soon to be married) couple!
Favorite Quote: “It is undoubtedly true that you are called to fight to keep your marriage covenant and pursue your spouse with Christ-like love. But the greater truth is that Christ is fighting on your behalf harder than you ever could.
You don’t fight for your marriage as much as Christ uses your marriage to fight for you.
You don’t pursue your spouses’s heart as much as Christ uses your spouse to pursue your heart.
You don’t prize your spouse’s affection with nearly the same ferocity with which Christ prizes yours.
Every refining moment in your marriage is a reminder of God’s relentless, unwavering commitment to draw you near and conform you to the image of Jesus Christ.”
Favorite Quote: “It is undoubtedly true that you are called to fight to keep your marriage covenant and pursue your spouse with Christ-like love. But the greater truth is that Christ is fighting on your behalf harder than you ever could.
You don’t fight for your marriage as much as Christ uses your marriage to fight for you.
You don’t pursue your spouses’s heart as much as Christ uses your spouse to pursue your heart.
You don’t prize your spouse’s affection with nearly the same ferocity with which Christ prizes yours.
Every refining moment in your marriage is a reminder of God’s relentless, unwavering commitment to draw you near and conform you to the image of Jesus Christ.”
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