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Hap and Leonard #11.5
Cold Cotton
Hap and Leonard is now a Sundance TV series starring James Purefoy and Michael Kenneth Williams.
Hap Collins and Leonard Pine are up to their ears in trouble once more, when a kinky, psychotherapist client and her household end up dead with a crazy, nymphomaniac niece as the main suspect.
Hap is facing his own inner crisis, wavering between a shrink and a little blue pill, while his lover Brett and his best friend Leonard speculate on a colorful variety of causes and cures. When he opts for neither, ignoring his doctor's advice to call a shrink, she calls him instead and the team is off to the races, facing off with a wide array of odd relationships, crazed florists and murder. Action like only Joe R. Lansdale and Hap & Leonard can provide.
Hap Collins and Leonard Pine are up to their ears in trouble once more, when a kinky, psychotherapist client and her household end up dead with a crazy, nymphomaniac niece as the main suspect.
Hap is facing his own inner crisis, wavering between a shrink and a little blue pill, while his lover Brett and his best friend Leonard speculate on a colorful variety of causes and cures. When he opts for neither, ignoring his doctor's advice to call a shrink, she calls him instead and the team is off to the races, facing off with a wide array of odd relationships, crazed florists and murder. Action like only Joe R. Lansdale and Hap & Leonard can provide.
79 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 13, 2017
14 people are currently reading
303 people want to read
About the author
Joe R. Lansdale
822 books3,939 followersChampion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
May 20, 2017
Who would have thought Hap not being able to get a boner would get everyone into so much trouble? When a potential therapist calls Brett Sawyer's detective agency, she hires the gang to figure out who is harassing her. Things quickly spin out of control and Hap and Leonard quickly find themselves balls deep in trouble.
Cold Cotton is a Hap and Leonard novella set some time after Honky Tonk Samurai. The boys wind up being caught up in a web of greed and murder. Oh, and Hap is as impotent as a eunuch. There's also a nymphomaniac, a Rottweiler, and wall to wall witty banter.
The story is hilarious, as most Joe Lansdale books are, and very entertaining. Since it's a novella, the laugh density is pretty high and it doesn't overstay its welcome. Hap and Leonard are in fine form, although Leonard doesn't get as much attention as I would have liked. Nice to see his relationship with Pookie still going strong, though.
That's about all I'm prepared to say. I'm beginning to like the Hap and Leonard novellas better than the novels. Four out of five stars.
Cold Cotton is a Hap and Leonard novella set some time after Honky Tonk Samurai. The boys wind up being caught up in a web of greed and murder. Oh, and Hap is as impotent as a eunuch. There's also a nymphomaniac, a Rottweiler, and wall to wall witty banter.
The story is hilarious, as most Joe Lansdale books are, and very entertaining. Since it's a novella, the laugh density is pretty high and it doesn't overstay its welcome. Hap and Leonard are in fine form, although Leonard doesn't get as much attention as I would have liked. Nice to see his relationship with Pookie still going strong, though.
That's about all I'm prepared to say. I'm beginning to like the Hap and Leonard novellas better than the novels. Four out of five stars.
April 14, 2023
"No one is that tough, not when they're having their skin ripped off."
4.25 🌟's
Short story, short review from the world of Joe Lansdale's Hap and Leonard. This one can be found in the fantastic collection, Born for Trouble. I've reviewed a number of the stories already and I thoroughly recommend it. But check out the suggested reading list here on Goodreads, so you can fit them in chronologically.
The Story
Hilarious start to this one as our boy Hap Collins is having problems in the trouser department. I won't bore you with innuendo, we're talking erectile dysfunction and his girlfriend Brett isn't a happy camper. After visiting his doctor it looks like the problem may be psychological and he's put in touch with a psychiatrist who may just be able to help him with his little problem.
But this being Hap Collins, trouble is always waiting round the corner. After he finds out the beautiful headshrink is receiving threatening mail that suggests she's for the chop he's hired along with his good friend Leonard Pine to provide some close protection and get to the bottom of it.
"The kind of greed that destroys everything, maybe. The kind of greed that drives people to kill other people, the kind of greed that allows someone to lock themselves behind a wall and think their safe, removed from the daily grind, avoiding brushing up against the unwashed masses, and there were those among the unwashed who wanted to be less unwashed, wanted what the big frogs had, and they were willing to do whatever it took to have a piece of that, even murder."
Final Thoughts
This straight up reads like your standard Hap and Leonard novel containing everything you're after, including that trademark banter that you sometimes miss out on in these shorter installments. It just reads a hell of a lot faster. Perfect when you're looking for a quick read to pick you up between those bigger and more demanding books.
I honestly can't fault it and it may be my favourite put of these novellas. That's why I'm going to give it a slightly higher award. It's not the most complex of cases, but come on. What do you expect for seventy pages? Plus Lansdale manages to work dog porn into the story. So extra marks for that as it's a new one to me! Happy reading people.
Thanks for reading and...cheers!
July 22, 2024
3 stars
short review for busy readers: Another fun Hap & Leonard extra with an unusual focus for the series.
in detail:
Although sex is always around in the Hap & Leonard series, we don't normally dwell there. It's mentioned or discussed briefly, but rarely do we get all up close and personal.
Well, in "Cold Cotton" we do just that. Not only do we find out about Hap's - temporary! he assures us - erectile difficulties, we also get to see Leonard and Officer Carroll (alias "Pookie") kiss.
It's not only our heroes under the microscope here. It's also Dr. Cotton, the newest client of Brett Sawyer Investigations, who just happens to have a lot of dirty laundry in that closet and is being stalked and blackmailed by persons unknown.
Or maybe persons too well known?
The crime and investigation are on par for the series, with the final action scenes being the most enjoyable part. It's the sharp focus on sexual behaviour that makes this one different. (and reminiscent of the plot of Bad Chili which is probably the most sex-focused novel of the series.)
short review for busy readers: Another fun Hap & Leonard extra with an unusual focus for the series.
in detail:
Although sex is always around in the Hap & Leonard series, we don't normally dwell there. It's mentioned or discussed briefly, but rarely do we get all up close and personal.
Well, in "Cold Cotton" we do just that. Not only do we find out about Hap's - temporary! he assures us - erectile difficulties, we also get to see Leonard and Officer Carroll (alias "Pookie") kiss.
It's not only our heroes under the microscope here. It's also Dr. Cotton, the newest client of Brett Sawyer Investigations, who just happens to have a lot of dirty laundry in that closet and is being stalked and blackmailed by persons unknown.
Or maybe persons too well known?
The crime and investigation are on par for the series, with the final action scenes being the most enjoyable part. It's the sharp focus on sexual behaviour that makes this one different. (and reminiscent of the plot of Bad Chili which is probably the most sex-focused novel of the series.)
May 18, 2017
A new Hap and Leonard story is always a good thing. Here, Hap, Leonard, and Brett take a job, which is resolved. Or is it? Things go South quickly. Hap's conscience, which may be causing other problems, won't let him leave the case alone. They get to the bottom, the real bottom, of things quickly. Joe does not usually introduce social and political ideas into his fiction, but here he is in outraged mode. And it's a welcome sight to see. Hap and Leonard are hard-working, but slightly dispossessed, remnants of an America that looks at success at all costs as the ideal. Hap still believes in honor and justice. He doles out both in this too brief yarn.
July 30, 2017
Pretty typical Hap and Leonard fare, but it reads like one of the older books. Fun!
May 18, 2017
What a great short story. The only thing not to like is the length, and even that wasn't terrible.
Hap is having some "male" problems so he goes to the doctor to get checked out. The doctor suggests maybe seeing a shrink. Hap doesn't like that idea so he passes. But then the suggested shrink calls him, to hire him. She being pestered by some pretty creepy letters and wants protection. And as they say, that's where the fun starts. Typically great dialogue and an interesting enough story that had it all, for a short story.
At one point Hap has a dream that scares him. And it is so well done to convey his fears that it should resonate with anyone with a conscience at these current turbulent times we all face. Very good. Would love to see it in paper book form.
Hap is having some "male" problems so he goes to the doctor to get checked out. The doctor suggests maybe seeing a shrink. Hap doesn't like that idea so he passes. But then the suggested shrink calls him, to hire him. She being pestered by some pretty creepy letters and wants protection. And as they say, that's where the fun starts. Typically great dialogue and an interesting enough story that had it all, for a short story.
At one point Hap has a dream that scares him. And it is so well done to convey his fears that it should resonate with anyone with a conscience at these current turbulent times we all face. Very good. Would love to see it in paper book form.
June 19, 2017
Just another Hap & Leonard short story and a better than average one at that, Cold Cotton reads like it could be adapted to one 43 minute TV episode rather than a 6 times 43 minute TV series as are the novels. No need for little blue pills or extensive analysis to cure Hap's male performance problems...just let him go out and kill someone!
October 31, 2017
A solid short Hap and Leonard piece. Violence and its consequences. Funny, profane, moving.
A little choppy, but it got the job done in its relatively compact frame.
A little choppy, but it got the job done in its relatively compact frame.
June 30, 2021
Another great Hap and Leonard story.
April 9, 2019
Cold Cotton is another excellent Hap and Leonard story from Joe Lansdale. I like a villain who actually says "I like to gloat" and then monologues a full chronicle of their misdeeds. As always the dialogue and action crackle.
May 22, 2017
I haven't caught up with all of Hap and Leonard just yet (I still haven't read Rusty Puppy, for some reason), which might have been a mistake before reading Cold Cotton. Within the first couple of paragraphs is a spoiler of sorts. It's nothing major, I don't think, but if you're one of those that doesn't want to know anything about future events, you should get caught up with the rest of the series before reading this novella.
This time around, Hap is having a little trouble with Li'l Hap, which sends him to a doctor, who in turn sends him to a psychiatrist, and in true Hap and Leonard form, that's when everything goes south and they get caught up in events bigger than they expected. Why these things are unexpected is anyone's guess, since every time they get involved with anything, it turns into something bigger than expected.
Leonard gets short shrift in this story, as it's really a Hap & Brett story. Leonard appears, but the story is really theirs. Lansdale's trademark dialogue is present, but without Leonard, it has to come from other, newer characters, which is always a little strange to me. I read Lansdale for that dialogue, but it always feels weird that everyone Hap and Leonard encounter talk that way. I'd miss it if it weren't there, but based on the people I talk to through the course of the day, I'm not convinced that everyone is smart enough to carry of that kind of wit.
The novella has a lot of typos, which is regrettable, but I did buy and read this book as soon as it became available. Maybe future releases will be corrected, but I still feel like some copy-editing would have done the book a world of favors.
Cold Cotton is a solid entry for the world of Hap and Leonard, but it doesn't change the world. Familiar readers will find the usual off-kilter characters and snappy dialogue, and it may bring in new readers, but honestly, the novels are better. Still, it's a must-read for already-fans of the series.
This time around, Hap is having a little trouble with Li'l Hap, which sends him to a doctor, who in turn sends him to a psychiatrist, and in true Hap and Leonard form, that's when everything goes south and they get caught up in events bigger than they expected. Why these things are unexpected is anyone's guess, since every time they get involved with anything, it turns into something bigger than expected.
Leonard gets short shrift in this story, as it's really a Hap & Brett story. Leonard appears, but the story is really theirs. Lansdale's trademark dialogue is present, but without Leonard, it has to come from other, newer characters, which is always a little strange to me. I read Lansdale for that dialogue, but it always feels weird that everyone Hap and Leonard encounter talk that way. I'd miss it if it weren't there, but based on the people I talk to through the course of the day, I'm not convinced that everyone is smart enough to carry of that kind of wit.
The novella has a lot of typos, which is regrettable, but I did buy and read this book as soon as it became available. Maybe future releases will be corrected, but I still feel like some copy-editing would have done the book a world of favors.
Cold Cotton is a solid entry for the world of Hap and Leonard, but it doesn't change the world. Familiar readers will find the usual off-kilter characters and snappy dialogue, and it may bring in new readers, but honestly, the novels are better. Still, it's a must-read for already-fans of the series.
June 3, 2021
Cold Cotton is vintage Hap and Leonard, just in a shorter package. If you're a fan, you know exactly what you're getting and you won't be disappointed. If you're new, maybe go back to the earlier novels rather than dive in here.
**spoilers**
Following on after the more recent books in the series, Hap is in a bit of a dark place and is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. This is fine. Good, even. What surprises me about it is that, had you told me, twenty-something years ago when I read the first Hap and Leonard book, that eventually, both our heroes would be in committed relationships and settled enough that they were reflecting on the choices they made in life, I don't think I would have believed you. But that's exactly where they, and we, as readers, are.
The story that arises out of this narrative place is, for Hap and Leonard, somewhat rote. There is a mystery and a murder and they solve it by kicking appropriate amounts of the appropriate people's asses. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's a good story. But I find myself far more intrigued by the mental and emotional reflection containing the story than the story itself. But, as always when I read the end of one of these books, I'm excited to see where the next one takes us and I'll always be along for the ride.
**spoilers**
Following on after the more recent books in the series, Hap is in a bit of a dark place and is thinking about seeing a psychiatrist. This is fine. Good, even. What surprises me about it is that, had you told me, twenty-something years ago when I read the first Hap and Leonard book, that eventually, both our heroes would be in committed relationships and settled enough that they were reflecting on the choices they made in life, I don't think I would have believed you. But that's exactly where they, and we, as readers, are.
The story that arises out of this narrative place is, for Hap and Leonard, somewhat rote. There is a mystery and a murder and they solve it by kicking appropriate amounts of the appropriate people's asses. And there's nothing wrong with that, it's a good story. But I find myself far more intrigued by the mental and emotional reflection containing the story than the story itself. But, as always when I read the end of one of these books, I'm excited to see where the next one takes us and I'll always be along for the ride.
April 9, 2018
Case Closed
Good old buddies Hap and Leonard get the goods on another group of low-lifes in this short story that's not short on humor and action. Along with the dynamic duo of best friends Hap & Leonard, several familiar characters, Marvin Hanson, the not overfriendly police chief, Brett, Hap's girl, not to mention Pookie, a nickname, who is another cop and also Leonard's squeeze, populate and enrich this fast paced tale.
Bad guys you enjoy hating, good guys, all manner of sexual appetite's, and a story line that's simple but made complex with the depth of its characters. Well worth the read!
Good old buddies Hap and Leonard get the goods on another group of low-lifes in this short story that's not short on humor and action. Along with the dynamic duo of best friends Hap & Leonard, several familiar characters, Marvin Hanson, the not overfriendly police chief, Brett, Hap's girl, not to mention Pookie, a nickname, who is another cop and also Leonard's squeeze, populate and enrich this fast paced tale.
Bad guys you enjoy hating, good guys, all manner of sexual appetite's, and a story line that's simple but made complex with the depth of its characters. Well worth the read!
June 24, 2021
Reader's block had hit again. And once again Joe R. Lansdale came to the rescue. This time it was with a Hap & Leonard novella. This time around the boys (and Bret) are hired as bodyguards to a therapist who is receiving threats. Honestly there's not a lot that can be said about this one without spoilers as it's largely a plot driven work. And that's probably to its detriment because the meat of Hap & Leonard has always been the interaction of the two protagonists. And this one had a dearth of that interaction and a major lack of Leonard. But it's still a decent read and nobody seems to be able to get me out of a reading funk like Lansdale.
April 2, 2018
One of the downsides of internet publishing is that it encourages quick publications like this kind of novella. I suppose they make money but in the long term the author is wasting energy and creative capital. Anyway, this isn’t very good with a couple of red herrings, some jokes and an ending that resembles the old National Lampoon instruction to writers that when you don’t know how to write a conclusion have everyone get run over by a truck.
December 11, 2019
Just more of the same
Hap has a problem. Then when he tries to get help for the problem boy does it go wrong. What is interesting in this story is that Hap shows a human side of his life, but still Hap and Leonard get mixed up in a five victim homicide and then all bets are off. Although this story is short it is still a good story. If you are a fan of Hap and Leonard then grab a copy for just more of the same from the twins of disaster.
Hap has a problem. Then when he tries to get help for the problem boy does it go wrong. What is interesting in this story is that Hap shows a human side of his life, but still Hap and Leonard get mixed up in a five victim homicide and then all bets are off. Although this story is short it is still a good story. If you are a fan of Hap and Leonard then grab a copy for just more of the same from the twins of disaster.
June 21, 2017
Short but sweet, the new Hap and Leonard novella fires on all cylinders. Full of the usual Lansdale trademarks- fast pace and hilarious dialogue. This had me giggling like a schoolgirl on my morning commute. The only question I have is : When's the next full length Hap and Leonard? I need more! Pretty please ?
- Danny
- Danny
September 22, 2018
Short but, we’ll, no, not sweet, not an adjective that seems right for the blend of pornography and animal welfare concern that is displayed here. Fairly standard, didn’t feel the “warmth” as much in this story, where the boys go from a body guard/patient scenario to cleaning up a multiple murder. ( nice visual on that, by the way.)
September 20, 2021
I made it a "Hap-trick" by going for my third consecutive Hap and Leonard book with this novella released between Rusty Puppy and Jackrabbit Smile. There is something old school about it with Hap, Leonard, Brett and Pookie brought in to protect the mansion of a therapist who is receiving threats.
It's a short sharp hit of Hap and Leonard with a mystery therein and an amusing situation for Hap to work his head around. I love these two and could read them endlessly.
It's a short sharp hit of Hap and Leonard with a mystery therein and an amusing situation for Hap to work his head around. I love these two and could read them endlessly.
June 14, 2017
Wonderfully droll, as usual.
What's always amazing about Joe Lansdale is that he can set up a story, and then tell it, in a fashion that's concise and yet still flavorful and nourishing to the soul.
What's always amazing about Joe Lansdale is that he can set up a story, and then tell it, in a fashion that's concise and yet still flavorful and nourishing to the soul.
April 1, 2019
I seriously wonder how can Lansdale come up with a some of his stories, but till he does I cannot be anything but happy.
Mi chiedo spesso come faccia Lansdale ad uscirsene con certe trame, ma per quanto mi riguarda può farlo in eterno e la cosa continuerà a farmi felice.
Mi chiedo spesso come faccia Lansdale ad uscirsene con certe trame, ma per quanto mi riguarda può farlo in eterno e la cosa continuerà a farmi felice.
May 10, 2019
Hap, suffering from erectile dysfunction, investigates the murder of his would be therapist and her nympho niece. Plenty of action and humor as Leonard helps him solve the twisted crime. Highly recommended.
November 12, 2020
A great little story
Another great Hap and Leonard adventure, a bit of a long short story. I really enjoyed it. It could have used a once-over from an editor, though; there are a lot of typos.
Another great Hap and Leonard adventure, a bit of a long short story. I really enjoyed it. It could have used a once-over from an editor, though; there are a lot of typos.
May 24, 2017
Hap & Leonard novelette. If you like Hap & Leonard, this is a good one.
June 22, 2017
Another laugh out loud funny story featuring Hap and Leonard. Excellent as always.
June 29, 2017
Another fun, fast-paced Hap & Leonard story from Joe Lansdale. I really enjoyed the story, but I really hated the typos, which were unfortunately plentiful.
June 14, 2019
Classic Hap and Leonard
Hap and Leonard are a tried and true team If you already know them, Cold Cotton will be familiar and satisfying If you don’t, it’s a good appetizer
Hap and Leonard are a tried and true team If you already know them, Cold Cotton will be familiar and satisfying If you don’t, it’s a good appetizer
July 2, 2019
Pretty decent. It’s a shorter story but holy shocker! To say this has a twisted story is an understatement LOL. However, the explanation of who dunnit & why was a little light
May 6, 2024
3.5 stars A quick but highly entertaining read.
March 11, 2026
Excellent little story that twists and turn all over the place, you never quite expect where it's going to go but it was a helluva ride and an enjoyable yarn.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews