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I Am a Heroin Addict

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"A work of compelling honesty. The writing is so powerful, so brutally sure of voice and experience that the reader is immediately jolted straight into the hellish existence of addiction." - Mary McGarry Morris, New York Times Bestselling Author



"I am a Heroin Addict" was previously published as "What’s Left of Us" by Kensington in 2009. However, there was no heroin epidemic at the time. Today, the opioid epidemic has become America’s worst health crisis ever. Accidental drug overdoses killed more people in 2015 than HIV/AIDS at its 1995 peak.



Heroin is a Beast, and that Beast has infiltrated every town and city in America. The Beast has come for your sons and daughters. The Beast is hunting for your fathers and mothers. And that Beast has only one mission, to bury as many Americans as possible. Farrell's ultimate goal is that his life story brings hope to all those suffering through the insidious trap of opioid addiction.



"I am a Heroin Addict" is the story of how Ritchie Farrell survived a 10-bag-a-day heroin habit to become a bestselling author, WGA screenwriter, and recipient of the prestigious du-Pont-Columbia Award for excellence in journalism.



"In the stripped-down, busted-and-back voice of a man with absolutely nothing left to hide, Farrell gives us this deeply moving tale of addiction and redemption. I am a Heroin Addict is a rush of blood to the head and heart, the kind that only true art can deliver." Andre Dubus III, New York Times Bestselling Author



"How Ritchie Farrell survived his life, I'll never know." - Scott Silver, Academy Award Nominated Screenwriter of 8 Mile and The Fighter



"A wild ride from start to finish. Riveting." - Chris Cooper, Academy Award Winning Actor



"Ritchie Farrell's raw and visceral writing grabs you, slams you into the soul of an addict, and doesn't let go until you experience the courage it takes to wage a life-or-death war against your inner demons." Harry Ufland, Producer of The Last Temptation of Christ



"It is a testament to Farrell's stunning writing power that he carries you on this rollercoaster ride of ugliness and beauty. Don't miss it." - Phyllis Karas, New York Times Bestselling Author

240 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 1, 2009

338 people are currently reading
488 people want to read

About the author

Richard Farrell

21 books47 followers

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5 stars
198 (35%)
4 stars
168 (30%)
3 stars
130 (23%)
2 stars
42 (7%)
1 star
15 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
1 review1 follower
September 15, 2020
I’ve known Richie for over 25 yrs, my stepfather is credited for getting Richie sober. Although Richie tells a success story about himself, he doesn’t tell you who he used and the awful things he did to make a buck from people suffering from addiction. Although Richie was always well aware that your next fix could be the one that kills you, he bought heroin for the “victims” in his documentary, “High On Crack Street”, in order to dope them up good so he could film them. Richie was despised in Lowell for what he did. Today he spends his days talking about his 15 minutes of fame with his documentary and DuPont but doesn’t tell you how he couldn’t make it as a film maker in LA, so returned to the town that despises him in hopes of making a living off of the addiction he turned into a racket. Richie wants you to think he’s trying to help others escape addiction but it’s only his story he wants you to hear. It’s a shame, really. Someone from our home town of Lowell recently described Richie as “the only guy I know that made a living off of being a junkie. Richie says the guy is “just jealous”, I have the text to prove it.
There are many caring and compassionate people working hard to truly save addicts but Richard Farrell isn’t one of them. Richie talks about himself and tries to appear that he wants to be an inspiration but in all honesty, he just wants to keep reliving his 15 minutes of fame by telling as many people as he can about his 30 yr old documentary. Trust your gut if you ever come across Rich Farrell.
1,146 reviews7 followers
March 12, 2019
The title says it all. this is an unpleasant explicit book where the author, undoubtedly an addict, avoids responsibility for his problems. He blames everyone and everything: lousy childhood, abusive father, religion, athletic injury and prescription painkillers, etc. In the event you ever want to shoot up he provides explicit instructions. He is still under the misconception that he is cool and tough. He's not. He's a junkie and an unsympathetic one at that. addiction is ugly and a scourge, no doubt about it. However without responsibility and self-honesty an addict will remain an addict, a liar and a thief. While this account conveys the desperation and inhumanity it does not portray the author as relatable or likeable.
Profile Image for Brian Bradbury.
14 reviews
October 19, 2009
Truly inspirational.

There are only a handful of books that I have ever read that I thought were so encapsulating that I didn't want to put it down until I was done; This is now one of them. The amazing descriptive wording paints a perfect portrait without being left to make assumptions or try to fill in the blanks. I love this. Not enough writers truly embrace this technique. The flow is also remarkable considering that the author moves so quickly from the past to present day and back and forth again without ever losing you. How he accomplished this alone was impressive.

As for the story; It has everything. No holds barred. Brutal honesty with a path blazen for anyone to follow. This is an inspiring story told from a point as low as you could possibly go. Forget all of those self-help Dr Phil fluff filled books. We all want to know that we're not alone in the unending trials that life puts before us- Rich does that. This book is real. It is human. It is honest. It breathes. It allows you to know that we're all creating messes that we can find a way through.

At this point in our world, this book comes at a perfect time. This book supports our president's mantra of Hope in the face of disaster.
Profile Image for Beth York.
92 reviews9 followers
November 11, 2017
quick-paced read through the destruction of the disease of addiction... all formed in a brilliant, brutal and very often offensive experience that felt honest and gritty to read. the authors experience and message makes this novel different, and it stands out in its genre... rightly so. . plus, it was packed full of fantastic 1-liners, hilarious descriptions and dialog.

some of my favorites include:

Mary Hart, "She's clueless. Consumed individuals like her only hear the music in their head." The normal people of the world will never get, or understand just how on-point and truthful that line is.

"Mocus. That's a term somebody made up. We use it to describe how it feels when nothing makes sense. Nothing adds up. Spaces becomes a silver-gray vacuum. Thoughts enter and exit before I have even an instant to comprehend them. The inside of my head is a washing machine on spin cycle. It furiously pushes all of my thoughts out tiny holes in my skull. Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts, my head is going to blow off."
Profile Image for AJ Torres.
33 reviews
October 24, 2023
I cannot name a more transparent memoir on the subject of addiction. Richard Farrell gives us an uncensored telling of his youth and the many factors that led him down the destructive path of addiction. It's not an easy read, and it hit home for me personally in terms of the relationship between father and son, and the expectations that both fathers and sons commonly have for one another.

Ultimately this memoir is more than just a deep dive into one individual's addiction. It serves as a crucial reminder and brings awareness on the monster that has been out there for decades, eating away at our youth and young adults.

High recommend
4.5/5 🌟
169 reviews3 followers
July 7, 2017
I had to read this book for my Substance Use class...and I'm glad. It was tough to read the awfulness of being on the streets with a heroin addiction, and the abuse Richard endured as a child from his father (and aunt, and even family priest). Though not easy to read, I'm glad for the exposure to what being on heroin, withdrawing from heroin, and a week-long detox facility is like. I think his personal, unsugarcoated, and gripping accounts will help me have empathy for issues of abuse and addiction in my counseling career.
Profile Image for Brian Storm.
Author 3 books36 followers
January 15, 2024
Raw and honest. I just wished he talked more about his life after he left detox and how he stayed clean (recovery). But besides that, I thought it was really good.
Profile Image for Sinta Nisfuanna.
1,022 reviews64 followers
November 11, 2011
Pe eR dari Gagasmedia
---

Kenangan dapat menjadi sesuatu yang indah, tapi tak pelak juga dapat menyuguhkan trauma yang berujung keterpurukan. Kisah tentang kenangan yang ingin dilupakan, kalimat di sampul depan buku What’s Left of Us ini mengingatkan saya dengan film eternal sunshine, yang bercerita tentang sepasang kekasih yang memotong sekaligus menghapus kenangan satu sama lain. Namun, ternyata di tengah proses penghapusan si laki-laki malah ingin mengembalikan seluruh akan kekasihnya.

Satu pelajaran yang dapat kutarik adalah seburuk apapun kenangan, keberadaannya tidak untuk dilenyapkan tapi diobati, bahkan mungkin dapat menjadi mutiara hikmah bagi diri sendiri atau orang lain. Penghapusan kenangan secara paksa bisa jadi akan berakibat fatal, seperti yang dialami oleh Richard Farrell.

Heroin membunuh memori… [h.112]

Keinginan untuk membunuh masa lalu mengantarkan Richie pada heroin. Kenikmatan sesaat ini memang membuatnya dapat merasa lebih tenang tanpa dihantui gambaran-gambaran silam yang kerap membuat batinnya kesakitan. Bayangan masa lalu yang sebagian besar dipenuhi dengan kekerasan sang ayah, perlakuan seks dari bibinya, dan perselingkuhannya, terasa hilang ketika cairan heroin melebur dalam darah.

Kenyataannya, heroin sama sekali tidak membunuh memori, tapi malah menggerogoti kepercayaan-diri si pemakai. Percobaan bunuh diri pun dilakukan Richie, yang kemudian mengantarkannya ke panti rehabilitasi. Dari situlah, cerita Richie semakin komplek, tidak lagi hanya tentang dirinya tapi juga kawan-kawan senasib.
Memoar Richie diceritakan dengan sangat gamblang. Dari mulai kecanduan heroin dengan detail tentang mendapatkan heroin, cara memakai, proses sakaw, dan kecenderungan seks, hingga menapakkan kaki keluar dari panti rehabilitasi dengan segala proses penyembuhan yang sebagian besar dengan cara berbicara dan mengeluarkan segala beban pikiran, saya bisa mencerna perjalanan dan kemelut batin Richie dengan mudah. Hanya saja, ada sebagian cerita masa lalu Richie yang diulang-ulang, membuat saya agak bosan membacanya.

Well, yang pasti, What’s Left of Us memberikan pemahaman kepada saya bagaimana, kurang-lebihnya, kehidupan dari pengguna narkoba. Sekaligus memberi pelajaran untuk tidak sekadar menghakimi/menyalahkan tapi juga mencoba melihat bahwa selalu ada alasan di balik tindakan yang mereka ambil.

Seperti yang dikatakan Richard Farrell di akhir buku, Jika aku berhasil sembuh, maka siapa pun pasti bisa [h.341], maka selalu ada kesembuhan bagi para pecandu yang memiliki kemauan. Keep Fighting!
Profile Image for Brian Bradbury.
14 reviews
August 3, 2017

MY REVIEW OF THE ORIGINAL BOOK 'What's Left of Us', from 2009
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6...

Truly inspirational.

There are only a handful of books that I have ever read that I thought were so encapsulating that I didn't want to put it down until I was done; This is now one of them. The amazing descriptive wording paints a perfect portrait without being left to make assumptions or try to fill in the blanks. I love this. Not enough writers truly embrace this technique. The flow is also remarkable considering that the author moves so quickly from the past to present day and back and forth again without ever losing you. How he accomplished this alone was impressive.

As for the story; It has everything. No holds barred. Brutal honesty with a path blazen for anyone to follow. This is an inspiring story told from a point as low as you could possibly go. Forget all of those self-help Dr Phil fluff filled books. We all want to know that we're not alone in the unending trials that life puts before us- Rich does that. This book is real. It is human. It is honest. It breathes. It allows you to know that we're all creating messes that we can find a way through.

At this point in our world, this book comes at a perfect time. This book supports our president's mantra of Hope in the face of disaster
Profile Image for mollusskka.
250 reviews159 followers
June 7, 2020
3,5 Stars

Well, at first I didn't know it was a memoir until I turned to the author page. Wow, what a life experience he's been through. I like how he didn't give up and finally reached what he had now. I bet it wasn't easy. When I read his days at the rehab, it somehow got me grateful of what I have. My life, no matter how boring and hard it might be, it seems like I can get up easily to make it a better one, while he and other patients in the rehab had to struggle a lot. That's just how bad drugs can affect your life.

So many sex scenes in this book that might make you uncomfortable. I was a bit confused when Dr. Levine told that Richard might be a pathological liar. It really ruined everything I've read about his life. But I was quite sure that he only lied about being in Notre Dame football team. That's all. The part where he finally accepted that he has a disability with his foot was really sad. The hard truth really can kill someone's confidence. The little and sweet memories about his deceased father, no matter how bad he was mostly as a dad, gave me melancholy. There's a fine line between love and hate.

I wish this memoir also covers the story of how he rebuilt his life until he becomes what he is now.

Profile Image for Kristine .
1,001 reviews311 followers
December 16, 2013
I think the title really says it all. Although I have never walked in Richard's shoes, I do know hardship. I think after all you have lived through, gritted through, and ultimately survived, what is left? That is What You Are Now and I like to see how others handle really difficult situations. This man was a long time heroin addict, homeless, and tried to kill himself. He had a child, too. I don't judge him or his choices, but am so glad he came out at the other side. It's not as hard as one might think to land in a bad place and it is incredibly difficult to change. So What's Left Of Us tells the tale and gives humanity hope that there is a better place to be.
63 reviews
August 1, 2009
Read to non fiction books this week Both of them were really really great. This book is about a guy with everything who unfortunately becomes a drug addict. It is just really compelling. I say this is a must read or listen to.
Profile Image for Rob Johnson.
39 reviews2 followers
January 18, 2010
Wow, this was graphic. And the writing wasn't all that great.
Profile Image for Lori Wilson.
305 reviews2 followers
April 9, 2010
Wow, I really loved this memoir! This guy starts out as a heroin addict about to call it quits. He goes to rehab and we find out the horrors of his life with his father!! Excellent!
Profile Image for Milicent.
80 reviews
Read
January 24, 2024
Did not finish, can’t hack the way he talks about women 🙃
Profile Image for Dom.
153 reviews1 follower
October 4, 2025
Wow, the author of this seems like a total wanker… horrible, spiteful, nasty man… honestly seems like the most horrible person to hang around…

It was alright, I guess … barely goes into any detail about withdrawal whatsoever, barely goes into much detail about what addictions actually like. There’s some descriptions, but it all feels so light.

Some of the bits where he describes sex and his addiction to sex makes me roll my eyes so far into my head out of uninterest and cringe.

The book isn’t bad, but it feels so light and there was barely a word in there I didn’t know already.

He just seems like a really spiteful horrible person and I’m glad that he’s given it up and stopped using now and still with us but this wasn’t exactly one of the best drug books I’ve ever read… it’s not Trainspotting quality, nor is it medical textbook quality just kinda naff…
13 reviews
June 17, 2019
The narrator on audible was amazing and really did this book justice. I don't think I would have enjoyed this book as much if I had actually read the pages myself. It's a very good book, BUT I had to ask my mom (a recovering addict for over 20 years) some questions about certain terms or experiences to get a full understanding. Mostly, it's explained very, very well in the book. I highly recommend the audible version.
4 reviews
January 6, 2022
A Journey Lived

This had me at the first pages. My daughter had a good friend, who loved to call me Mom, die after a relapse on a New Years Eve. The description of what happens when you need a fix, broke my heart, thinking of her. She had back pain from an auto accident, just out of high school and no insurance for surgery. Denied pain pills and then heroin…
Everyone should read this to see the destruction of addition.
Profile Image for Cindy Jacobsen.
192 reviews
December 23, 2017
A shocking memoir of addiction. Ritchie Farrell takes you on his addiction journey with no sugar coating. We live in a time where young people are getting hooked on opioids in record numbers. This is the second memoir I've read trying to understand how this happens and what it takes to overcome such a monstrous disease.
2 reviews
January 26, 2021
A story worth the read

So as you know many heroin memoirs have a parallel end, which was the only thing predicted in this story. It focuses a lot on why the addict may have been drawn to the drug I.e toxic, abusive childhood. It showed reality as to read in for trying H and every reason for trying to get out.
Author 4 books7 followers
March 22, 2022
This is more about sexual abuse and physical abuse. I understand how the addiction and abuse relate but the title of this should contain “sex addict” not “heroin addict” I think Ritchie could turn down heroin but not sex…even at his lowest point. If it were named correctly, I would have passed on the read. SPOILER: this book is full of graphic, gratuitous sex
2 reviews
January 18, 2025
Such an honest depiction of what it is to be an addict. It's opened my eyes that little wider and gives an understanding of the path that leads to this illness, I cried a few times reading. Not many people would be able or willing to reveal the darker sides of themselves and spill their secrets, which let's face it, we all have.
9 reviews1 follower
June 27, 2025
A hard hitting look at the days leading up to and 8 days of heroine detox that the author experienced. Sometimes quite graphic discussing abuse, sexual abuse, and difficult relationships suffered. For a person who has never used illicit substances, it was eye opening to see the damage that it can cause to the individual and their loved ones.
1 review
August 13, 2017
Great read

Book gave an honest view of addiction. It was vivid and truthful. Ending was great, proving we can overcome anything once we let go and speak the truth. No one should live with secrets they have to take to the grave.
3 reviews
August 22, 2019
Better than most memoirs....

This is well written,especially compared to most memoirs about addiction that I've read. I like to read these types of memoirs to get a better understanding about addiction. Also his story is hopeful for those that don't think recovery is possible.
Profile Image for Chynna pena.
3 reviews1 follower
March 18, 2020
Enjoyable Read

Pretty good book relatable information. It was a pretty ok read. Got kind of boring and depressing at times but I think the author really has been through some difficult times and was able to let it out in this memoir. It motivates me to write one of my owm.
6 reviews
February 4, 2022
A detox saga

Based on the title, I thought the book would have relayed more of his life on the street-- people, places-- and those experiences. The detox experience is basically the same for most. Sometimes you rid yourself from pain...but most don't make it, unfortunately.
436 reviews8 followers
July 13, 2017
Cycling Circle Of Addiction Madness Into Destructions : Success Business Man Too Skid Row : Readable True Story Well Written
*Quality Book* 5-Stars Plus!
Profile Image for Alaina Dubs.
2 reviews
December 24, 2017
Amazing

Truly inspiring! There’s such a huge epidemic in our little town in the Thumb of Michigan. Lost several friends to this addiction.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews

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