A decent spiritual writer and an execrable poet, Thomas Merton was without doubt one of the great diarists. His writings made Catholicism respectable for many thinking people who were attracted to the Church but not entirely at home with the traditional pieties. So it matters, a lot, whether as some claim Merton lost his faith at the end of his life and if so why.
Certainly there is an unfamiliar note of bitterness at the start of this volume, deep disillusionment with the monastery and cynicism about the Church, desire to be off again and find something else. But – one has to ask – was Merton not sick above all of himself? He had had the opportunity to fulfil his supposed vocation as hermit – the Bestseller Hermit! – and had not found it to his liking.
But Merton had always been susceptible (as most of us are) to the pressure of outside events. His conversion to Catholicism came with the outbreak of WWII, and – although I don’t think he was consciously dodging it – his decision to become a monk immediately followed the introduction of the Draft in America. In this case it looks as though his bout of revulsion from Gethsemani was probably the result of his fear at the time that he would be made abbot. He was absolutely against that – indeed he threatens to refuse it if appointed – probably because it would have meant his options were finally closed off.
In any case, once he has persuaded himself that he needs to go off on a spiritual tour of Asia he seems to recover his equilibrium; he starts to reconsider his relationship with Gethsemani more positively, and to make plans about its future. And there is certainly no sign that he has actually lost faith in God. If he has become a humanist – as one writer claimed – it is only in the sense that we are all humanists, a sense which does not entail atheism.
It’s sobering to read the last page of the diary, with – of course – no hint of the accidental death awaiting him, and you wonder what his last thought (if he had time for any) were. I think the one definite conclusion we can come to about his life is that the spiritual complacency evident in his early work had turned out to be an illusion, or at any rate only temporary. He had not succeeded in submitting himself in obedience to his Order. He had not been content with seclusion from the world. He had not overcome the ‘shadow’ he mentions in Seven Storey Mountain, ‘this other fellow’ who ‘wants to drink my blood’ – the Merton who wanted to be a celebrated writer, intellectual and all-round bighead. Merton had not overcome himself, but he had not stopped trying; and maybe that is the most that can be said of any of us.