Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive

by Allison Gilbert

Passed and Present is a one-of-a-kind guide for discovering creative and meaningful ways to keep the memory of loved ones alive. Inspiring and imaginative, this bona fide "how-to" manual teaches us how to remember those we miss most, no matter how long they've been gone.
Passed and Present is not about sadness and grieving--it is about happiness and remembering. It is possible to look forward, to live a rich and joyful life, while keeping the memory of loved ones alive.
This much-needed, easy-to-use roadmap shares 85 imaginative ways to celebrate and honor family and friends we never want to forget.
Chapter topics
Repurpose With Purpose Ideas for transforming objects and heirlooms. Discover ways to reimagine photographs, jewelry, clothing, letters, recipes --virtually any inherited item or memento.
Use Technology Strategies for your daily, digital life. Opportunities for using computers, scanners, printers, apps, mobile devices, and websites.
Not Just Holidays Tips for remembrance any time of year, day or night, whenever you feel that pull -- be it a loved one's birthday, an anniversary, or just a moment when a memory catches you by surprise.
Monthly Guide Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and other special times of year present unique challenges and opportunities. This chapter provides exciting ideas for making the most of them while keeping your loved one's memory alive.
Places to Go Destinations around the world where reflecting and honoring loved ones is a communal activity. This concept is called Commemorative Travel. Also included are suggestions for incorporating aspects of these foreign traditions into your practices at home.
Being proactive about remembering loved ones has a powerful and unexpected it can make you happier. The more we incorporate memories into our year-round lives --as opposed to sectioning them off to a particular time of year--the more we can embrace the people who have passed, and all that's good and fulfilling in our present.
With beautiful illustrations throughout by artist Jennifer Orkin Lewis, Passed and Present includes an introduction by Hope Edelman, bestselling author of Motherless Daughters.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Death, Health

280 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 12, 2016

About the author

Allison Gilbert is an Emmy Award-winning journalist, contributor to the New York Times, and one of the most influential writers and speakers on life’s deepest challenges. She is co-author with the late Dr. Ruth Westheimer of The Joy Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life.

Allison is the author of numerous critically-acclaimed books, including Passed and Present, Always Too Soon, and Parentless Parents, each inspired by the early deaths of her parents from cancer. For Listen, World!, her co-authored biography of Hearst syndicated newspaper columnist Elsie Robinson, she won the 2023 Northern California Book Award.

Nearly killed by falling debris covering the 2001 terrorist attacks, she is co-editor of Covering Catastrophe: Broadcast Journalists Report September 11 and host of “Women Journalists of 9/11: Their Stories,” a 20-part documentary series produced in collaboration with the National September 11 Memorial & Museum.

Reviews

[Patty Brower · Rating 5 out of 5]

Passed and Present is a super-engaging, unique guide for those who have lost a loved one or friend and are looking for meaningful ways to create tangible 'memories' as well as sort through all the 'stuff' that gets left behind. The author suggests multiple 'Forget Me Not' projects that give ways to remember and honor people and bring them into your everday lives.

As a maker myself, I particularly loved all the ideas for upcycling textiles into art, bags - all kinds of things!

The book is really readable with awesome illustrations and lots of the projects are kid-friendly. A really great tool for grieving families - this is totally a hopeful, upbeat and practical way to approach grief and memories.

[Tina Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Experiencing the terrible loss and remaining void after a loved one dies is profoundly painful and life-altering in so many ways. Passed and Present offers us the chance, through a variety of meaningful crafts and activities, to visit with and celebrate our loved ones, but also to dwell a while in the love itself.

[Reva Blau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Allison Gilbert's book "Passed and Present" inspired me to go through the trunk in my bedroom that contains the objects, WWII medals, WWII photographs, and family photographs that my father saved throughout his life. I wanted to look, sift through these objects, carefully, hoping to find the path back into grieving his death, which I hadn't done properly fifteen years ago when he died.
Not only did her book spur me to do this. It also inspired me to share these documents with my children. And, then, as I followed the recommendations in her wonderful book, it inspired me to write a blog detailing my own much-needed grief journey. My grief journey, inspired from her book, can inspire anyone who wants to mourn a parent, who might have been less than perfect as a parent, because of their own difficult pasts. My own children will be transformed in my process because they will be able to discover their grandfather, influenced by, but not the same as, his experiences. Her book gave them their full grandfather, as a person, not just the academic scholarship he did in his life in the social sciences or the difficult history that they will read about in their history books.
Allison's book has been transformational for me. It has given me the tools to celebrate his life, all while acknowledging that his life, as a survivor of the Holocaust, was extremely difficult. If anyone wants to see what I have done with my experience reading her book: revablau.blogspot.com

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Remembering loved ones who have passed away is a unique kind of challenge. We want to celebrate their lives, yet sometimes sharing memories can be difficult. We may wonder if our family members (children, teens, etc.) are even interested. As family historians, we have many stories of loved ones long past that we’d like to tell. How do we do this in our everyday lives? Allison Gilbert answers this question with 85 simple ideas called “Forget Me Nots” for keeping memories of loved ones alive. The ideas presented in her book are innovative yet intuitive – they feel just right. She asserts that the act of remembering can bring joy, positivity and family unity all year round. Her ideas are especially relevant to those who have undertaken the role of “memory keeper” within their families. Family historians, who delight in remembering and honoring loved ones in their past, will delight in this book. See the rest of my review and an interview with Allison here: http://familylocket.com/interview-wit...

[Sandy Maskell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally! The book my brother and I have been looking for - no more avoiding "mommy's death day" because we had no idea what to say or do. I have all the historical records done, but now we have over 80 ways we can remember, celebrate, and share with others about my mother's life. This is the book you want on your book shelf and to give a copy to those friends and family who want to do more than cook their loved one's favorite meal at the Holidays.
Allison gave me lots of creative, imaginative, wonderful ways I can re-purpose mom's belonging and share stories with my niece and nephew while working on projects that preserve mom's memory. It's so easy to read and resource - and you don't have to be the king or queen of creativity to use Allison's ideas!
If you're missing the people who have passed out of you life and want to make sure their memory is preserved for a long, long time - Passed and Present is a book you must have on your bookshelf!

[Danielle Mccoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book about how to keep loved ones memories alive after they have died. A lot of these ideas I have had, done or am in the process of doing but it did have some other ideas I never thought of. Dead has also been a very real thing though out my life so I have had a lot of time and experience keeping memories alive and having been reminded of and learning about those who have past. It is broken down into 5 chapters filled with ideas, my favorite was probably the Places to Go chapter as it show how people keep their loved ones alive around the world.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

ARC provided in exchange for review.

Allison Gilbert provides the reader with a variety of great ways to honor and remember loved ones who have passed. There are so many great ideas to help deal with the loss and also have a part of the person with you forever. There are a wide variety to choose from no matter your age or creativity level.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very quick read, a collection of ideas for how you can use the dearth of tools available to you (a household of “treasures,” memories, technology) to remember deceased loved ones. They range from expensive (commissioning artists) to free (listen to beloved’s favorite songs) and from elaborate to simple. There are 85 ideas, and the descriptions range from several pages to a few lines. I like that the book ended with descriptions of a few other cultures’ celebrations of the dead that can be publicly attended (we generally know of Dia de los Muertos but I’d never heard of the rest).

I don’t know that I’ll do many of these but it sparked ideas without redundancy and made me think about how I can remember those I love who have passed in really meaningful ways.

[Marisa Ramel · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's unusual to call a grief book fun to flip through and easy to use, but Passed and Present truly is. Filled with creative ideas and beautiful illustrations, it's like The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up Your Grief. Reading this book gave me the courage to finally embark on some of the "grief tasks" I had been dreading/avoiding since my mom died when I was 20. Through Allison's recommendation of Legacy Republic, my father and I were able to sort and digitize our family photos and home videos (which had previously sat in a box for a decade) and can now enjoy memories of my mother and of us as a young family.

[Judy Lipson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who has suffered a loss. "Death doesn't end our desire to have a relationship with our loved ones." Allison provides a list of 85 Forget Me Nots woven in through a beautifully crafted book on how to honored our lost ones with an incredible list of resources throughout. As someone who suffered multiple losses, I found the book extremely helpful with a treasure trove of ideas like taking a T-shirt and making into a Teddy Bear, to more advances of using technology to preserve photographs, voices, documents, and creating an annual calendar to remember. Thank you Allison for providing an invaluable resource with warmth and love.

[Betsy Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you aren't ready to admit that your loved one has died, this is the book for you. Much of it appears to be about keeping the memory alive, as if the person has simply stepped out of the room. I'm not sure if this is psychologically healthy, as it delays the grief process.

It has some interesting ideas about how to memorialize the dead, yet much of it seems to be a not-so-subtle advertisement for particular artists to re-purpose your loved one's property.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great little book with tons of ideas on how to keep memories of loved ones alive after they die. I got it from the library, but plan to buy my own copy so I can refer to it for ideas for years and years. Highly recommended if you are struggling to find ways to honour your relationships with people in your life who may be physically gone, but are still very much still here in your heart and mind.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not exactly my style of book (essentially a numbered list of ideas that never dives beneath the surface on any of them) but I understand the intent and there is a usefulness to it. Will keep it as a resource for giving ideas to those who have lost a loved one and need help finding ways to commemorate them in daily life.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute, comforting, has a couple of novel ideas but is more of a blog written down than an actual book. There was mention of an illustrator, and there are a handful of sketches, but this book really could’ve benefitted from examples of projects mentioned, festivals relevant to the topic, how-to guides with photos etc.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good look at what to save and why from others but also consider the amount of "stuff" I keep now. Some suggestions were cute or tried-true. But about one-third felt too much like product promotion or gimmicky and there to make the book longer.

[Marie Polega · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although many of the ideas in this book didn't apply to me, and many others are ones I was already aware of, I think this is an excellent book for those looking for ideas to remember their loved ones in meaningful and unique ways.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read with loads of ideas for memorializing your loved ones who have passed on.

[Laurie Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful

It is full of ideas on how to help you grieve and keep your loved one with you. Different ideas. Things in your grief your wouldn't normally think of ♡

[Laura Fahrenthold · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtfully written and practical book on how to keep our loved ones closer to us in the here and now and beyond. Inspirational and heartfelt.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some great ideas to use for remembering lost loved ones. Many other resources mentioned in the book for other reading.

[Erica Sunday · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay and referred you to other artists and their projects.

[Michele Pfrogner · Rating 2 out of 5]

For some, this book could be helpful. For me, however, I did not like the name-dropping, "ads" for specific artists/craftspeople, and the somewhat "snobby" attitude. Grief is very personal, and, despite what the "experts" may say, repurposing "things" may not be the answer for everyone.

[Alyce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Providing creative ways to keep memories of loved ones alive is a fantastic idea. But, alas, as many things in this world, this book is more style than substance, suffering from such redundancy that it probably could have been a leaflet if it were edited properly.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved some of the forget me not ideas in this book and the introduction by Hope Edelman. I found this book, when I was looking for art by Jennifer Orkin Lewis. I consider the arrival of this book as a happy surprise of what I needed at just the right time.

[Terry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great ideas and suggestions for honoring and celebrating your loved ones who have passed and moving forward with them by your side.