Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship

by Fred Colby

If you or a friend are now, or soon will be, a new widower... this book is written for you. The physical, emotional and psychological pain are greater than you can imagine. A widower may well think that they are going crazy. Their judgement is distorted, their social filters can be absent, and nights are often sleepless delusional times from which their is no escape. Widower to Widower is written to provide widowers with the help they so desperately need during their grieving process.

It is a resource to therapists (who want to help these men), to friends and family of a widower (to better understand what he is going through), and to women who have befriended a widower so they can make better decisions about their relationship with him.

Reviews

"Fred Colby's book, Widower to Widower, explores the often overlooked or minimized expression of male grief. With courage and honesty, Fred shares his experiences as he navigates the grief process following the death of his wife. With a straight-forward voice and clear writing style, Fred provides insight from his personal journey to provide education, understanding and comfort to other men who are grieving. This book is an essential tool for grief counselors as well as their male clients." Mia Towbin, MS, LMFT - Grief Counselor

"For any man who has suffered, either recently or not so recently, the death of his beloved wife, Fred Colby's book is essential reading. With refreshing vulnerability and openness, Colby shares the ups and downs of what he went through, while honoring what's unique in each man's experience. As a fellow widower, I give this book my highest recommendation." Robert Devereaux, Widower, Writer, Actor

Widower to Widower Description

"Following the passing of my wife of 45 years in 2015, the greatest fear I had was that I was going crazy, that I was losing all control over my thoughts, and that I might make decisions that would harm me, my family and my friends... not to mention suicidal thoughts. This scared the hell out of me and made me desperate to find answers so I could avoid making bad life choices. However, I quickly found that the resources for widowers were very minimal and often of questionable value. I have done my best to compile the most vital information that I could find on the widower experience into this one book so the reader would not have to go to as many sources for answers as I had to do." Fred Colby, Author

In this book, the reader watches the grief process unfold through thirty blogs Fred wrote during his first year of grieving the loss of his wife. His first non-fiction book blends these blogs together with observations, lessons learned, and information he gathered from others during his grieving process.

His therapist at Pathways Hospice in Fort Collins, Colorado urged him to write this book after she too had trouble finding resources to recommend while counseling him. Fred met with and learned from many other widowers, therapists, and licensed counselors during his search for answers. This search took him to group meetings, individual counseling sessions, writings by fellow widowers, and impromptu discussions resulting from happenstance meetings with fellow travelers on the grief journey.

As a result of his commitment to finding ways to better help his fellow widowers, Fred helped to launch and co-facilitate a Men's Grief Group at Pathways Hospice, joined its Board of Directors, and is chairing its Capital Campaign Committee to help fund a Children's Healing Garden at Pathways.

For more information go to: www.fredcolby.com

160 pages, Paperback

Published May 12, 2017

About the author

Losing my wife of 45 years inspired me to write "Widower to Widower," to help others to survive this gut wrenching experience. The death of my father and step-father at a young age did not prepare me for the pain and emotional turmoil I experienced when my wife, Theresa, died in 2015 after a yearlong bout with uterine cancer.

I was encouraged by therapists and fellow widowers to put my grief journey into words to help myself and others going through the same situation. "Widower to Widower" is built around a series of blogs I wrote during the first year after my wife's passing. Extensive research, lessons learned, discussions with grief counselors, and conversations with many fellow widowers (often while facilitating a Men's Grief Group I helped to found) helped me to create a unique approach to writing about the challenges facing widowers in their first year of grieving.

My prior writing experience includes newsletters, articles, grant applications, and materials written for community members, government, and nonprofit organizations.

Reviews

[Karen B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a widow who started dating a widower, I found Fred Colby’s book to be helpful. Reading it, I better understood what my friend was going through, and how his grieving experience was different from my own. Widower to Widower, is an excellent source of information about the phases of grief that a man might encounter after losing his spouse. His story of his wife’s passing is the setting for the first half of the book, along with the struggles and emotions of those left behind. Mr. Colby delves into his own grief through blogs written during that time, and gives you an inside look at what grief can do to a person and ideas how to confront those feelings. The latter part of the book is devoted to segments of information and advice on where to get help for your grief, dealing with loneliness, getting through holidays and anniversaries, and getting back on your feet and redefining your life. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, this book is a must read.

[Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book of two halves, this one. The first half is particularly engaging and comforting for those of us unfortunate enough to find ourselves recently bereaved. We realise that everyone around the world feels the same sensations of guilt, responsibility, loss and overwhelming sadness no matter the circumstances surrounding our loss. The listing of the physical and mental symptoms of grief is also useful to see written down. Colby writes in a friendly, conversational style and one that's effortless to read. My only complaint is that there are far too many random blog entries attached to every chapter and instalment, so much so that their inclusion feels like padding. The second half of the book lost me, going as it does into great detail about sex and dating. I have no interest in this stuff and felt like it belonged in another book, at least when present in this much detail.

[Samuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a useful book to read; he raised many good points with which I could identify. It consoled me that my experience has not been unusual.

It's very rooted in the author's own experience, parts of which were also very foreign to me.

I could have done with somewhat less emphasis/reprinting his Caring Bridge posts from along the way. A few might have been helpful, but some felt like filler.

[David Eckert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good in sharing his personal details & many resource references. Good to see his wife honored. Very detailed on dating as a widower, but that social scene is not my own objective.

[Ward Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful look at being a widower from another

As a widower, especially during the social blackout of Covid, I have been looking for others perspectives to help me work through my situation. I found a lot of helpful parallels in this book, and hope to make use of some of his tips for areas where I haven’t walked yet.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for men who have lost their wives.