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Hings
From the streets of working class Scotland, and on occasion, a little beyond our solar system, comes one of the country’s most hilarious debut writers. Putting surreal and witty twists on the everyday, Chris McQueer creates recognisable characters you will love and want to avoid like the plague.
Peter’s earned his night off, and there’s not a bloody chance he’s covering Shelley’s shift. He just needs to find some pals for the perfect cover story. Deek is going to be at the forefront of the outsider art movement and do Banksy proud. Davie loves tattoos and his latest is going to be a masterpiece. Tam is one of the most creative minds in the galaxy (apparently), but creating parallel universes can cause problems. Everybody on Earth wakes up with their knees on backwards.
He caught folks’ imagination on Medium with his stories, had rooms howling with laughter on the spoken word circuit, and now it’s time to put Chris McQueer on the page. Are you ready?
Peter’s earned his night off, and there’s not a bloody chance he’s covering Shelley’s shift. He just needs to find some pals for the perfect cover story. Deek is going to be at the forefront of the outsider art movement and do Banksy proud. Davie loves tattoos and his latest is going to be a masterpiece. Tam is one of the most creative minds in the galaxy (apparently), but creating parallel universes can cause problems. Everybody on Earth wakes up with their knees on backwards.
He caught folks’ imagination on Medium with his stories, had rooms howling with laughter on the spoken word circuit, and now it’s time to put Chris McQueer on the page. Are you ready?
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2017
93 people are currently reading
933 people want to read
About the author
Chris McQueer
5 books106 followersChris McQueer is a 20-something year old writer and sales assistant from Glasgow. After leaving school at 16, Chris found himself working under the hallowed title of ‘Sandwich Artist’ in Subway where he was the source of constant complaints as he couldn’t cut footlong sandwiches equally in half. Now he works in a sports shop where he is regarded as the greatest seller of trainers the world has ever seen.
Chris kept his writing a secret from his friends and family for several months before his girlfriend, Vanessa, encouraged him to share his work through Twitter (@ChrisMcQueer). Since then he has gone from strength to strength and has earned a reputation as ‘That Guy Oan Twitter Who Writes Short Stories’.
Chris kept his writing a secret from his friends and family for several months before his girlfriend, Vanessa, encouraged him to share his work through Twitter (@ChrisMcQueer). Since then he has gone from strength to strength and has earned a reputation as ‘That Guy Oan Twitter Who Writes Short Stories’.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 138 reviews
September 7, 2017
Blackly funny, full of startling surreal twists, sparkling dialogue and rooted in Scottish culture (specifically Working-class Glaswegian for the most part) - a good book to buy for friends who don't like reading because they think it's a dour activity, and for non-Scottish friends to watch them wrangle with the amount of swearwords (yes, 'everycunt' is something I've heard said, as in 'everybody' - a lot of sweary people here en Écosse) - all in all a fun and vivid new voice. Highlights for me were 'Top Boy' 'Bowls' 'Night Bus' 'Offshore' and 'The Universe Factory'.
September 23, 2017
What a fucking ride this was.
This collection of McQueer’s short stories is completely and utterly brilliant. Glaswegian working class norms, social custom, and patter rips right through the pages, and I was presented with characters the likes of whom I could bump into no bother on a stroll up Larky main gaff.
In some of the stories, McQueer explores the mindset of the working-class, their needs and desires, their family. All of this felt familiar and relevant, and I was almost comfortable with seeing Sammy get a samurai sword for his Christmas, because that’s just where am fae. In others, we are dropped right into the macabre, surreal, and downright random. We’re given aliens, budgies with arms, knees bending the wrong way, and hell mend yi if it’s a korma yir after.
Written using a great deal of colloquialism (which I know some of you plums can’t handle), but with some excellent prose weaved into it, McQueer really nailed this for me. His stories have been compared to Welsh, but this was totally different; a stark and realistic jaunt over to the West coast using this type of narrative is something I didn’t know I was looking for.
I’ve read so many books now that it’s rare any make me laugh or cry these days. I read this over the course of a few days, with a red coupon from laughing too much each time.
A massive congratulations for a total stormer of a debut novel; now I’m looking for a full biography on Big Angie.
This collection of McQueer’s short stories is completely and utterly brilliant. Glaswegian working class norms, social custom, and patter rips right through the pages, and I was presented with characters the likes of whom I could bump into no bother on a stroll up Larky main gaff.
In some of the stories, McQueer explores the mindset of the working-class, their needs and desires, their family. All of this felt familiar and relevant, and I was almost comfortable with seeing Sammy get a samurai sword for his Christmas, because that’s just where am fae. In others, we are dropped right into the macabre, surreal, and downright random. We’re given aliens, budgies with arms, knees bending the wrong way, and hell mend yi if it’s a korma yir after.
Written using a great deal of colloquialism (which I know some of you plums can’t handle), but with some excellent prose weaved into it, McQueer really nailed this for me. His stories have been compared to Welsh, but this was totally different; a stark and realistic jaunt over to the West coast using this type of narrative is something I didn’t know I was looking for.
I’ve read so many books now that it’s rare any make me laugh or cry these days. I read this over the course of a few days, with a red coupon from laughing too much each time.
A massive congratulations for a total stormer of a debut novel; now I’m looking for a full biography on Big Angie.
July 24, 2021
Just finished this wee belter of a book. It’s a collection of Scottish short stories and there’s something in there for everyone (well if your Scottish/Glaswegian - otherwise some of these stories may not even translate for you). I laughed my head off.
A few to be honest went over my head and I was utterly like what is this about but I think this is the beauty of this wee gem at the same time. It’s full of the weird, very very weird actually, the wonderful and the pure Scottish Glaswegian banter we all know and love.
I started reading this in book form but had heard off a few of my Scottish book people it’s really good on audible so switched to that and so glad I did, found it so much better and so much more hilarious narrated by Chris McQueer himself.
I’m definitely looking forward to reading HWFG now after this. I’ll save it for a week I need a good laugh as if it’s anything to go with this one, I’m sure I’ll be in for a treat.
Most notable stories for me were Sammy’s Bag of Welks, Korma Police, Bowls and The Dug.
TW - Domestic abuse, murder, Homophobia, death.
A few to be honest went over my head and I was utterly like what is this about but I think this is the beauty of this wee gem at the same time. It’s full of the weird, very very weird actually, the wonderful and the pure Scottish Glaswegian banter we all know and love.
I started reading this in book form but had heard off a few of my Scottish book people it’s really good on audible so switched to that and so glad I did, found it so much better and so much more hilarious narrated by Chris McQueer himself.
I’m definitely looking forward to reading HWFG now after this. I’ll save it for a week I need a good laugh as if it’s anything to go with this one, I’m sure I’ll be in for a treat.
Most notable stories for me were Sammy’s Bag of Welks, Korma Police, Bowls and The Dug.
TW - Domestic abuse, murder, Homophobia, death.
October 13, 2020
The highest compliment I can pay Chris McQueer is that the best stories in 'Hings' remind me of the short stories of Paul Jennings. In that, the plots are so odd and unique that no other writer could have come up with them. He's at his best when he's properly going beyond the standard short story fare (Knees, Offshore, The Universe Factory). It was also evident in the book's longest story, 'Bowls', that McQueer is capable of handling the plot of longer fiction.
Overall, a promising start and it wouldn't surprise me if McQueer became a household name in future.
4/5
Overall, a promising start and it wouldn't surprise me if McQueer became a household name in future.
4/5
October 3, 2017
DNF at page 93 (just under half way). These stories are generally funny but very one dimensional and hollow. Give them a go, especially if you want to support a young first time writer, but I won't be finishing the collection.
February 17, 2021
Love the colloquialism - Bowls, Pat and Lads are some personal favs. Worth the read!
May 26, 2019
Could read a whole book about Big Angie, what a legend. Not five stars because some of the characters felt a bit too similar to me personally. But I dunno if that matters? I don't know if there's a rule that says short stories must be really notably different from each other. Maybe this reads as a collection? (I did like the wee bizarre bits of interlacing) Who knows. Honestly, heart and soul went into Angie. On the whole though, made me laugh out loud and smile at all the familiar Hings :-)
May 23, 2025
I’ve enjoyed dipping in and out of this for a good few months. Chris McQueer is an incredibly exciting writer - giving new energy to both Scottish fiction and the medium of short stories.
My particular highlights were “Bowls” and “The Universe Factory” - but there’s favourites to be found in every story. Can’t wait to read HWFG and more of 404 Ink’s publications.
My particular highlights were “Bowls” and “The Universe Factory” - but there’s favourites to be found in every story. Can’t wait to read HWFG and more of 404 Ink’s publications.
April 12, 2019
From the sublime to the ridiculous - an every day occurrence of a typical working class Glaswegian’s life. Not everyone will get this, and that’s a shame because they are the ones missing out on a specialised culture. Looking forward to reading HWFG now.
May 29, 2018
The problem with writing in Glaswegian is that you limit your audience. The advantage is that you write in a vibrant, poetic, exciting language that gives you a feeling for the street, for the everyday speech of an extraordinary people. There will be some people who will not make the effort to read these stories, and that will be their loss. Chris McQueer is a genius at the writing. He has lines like “Look pal, if ae wanted tae hear an arsehole talk…ah wid’vd farted”. How can you not like something that reflects Glasgow pub patter so well. And, if you don’t, take that as fair warning not to read this book. Because the language is far worse than that, as is the everyday language of Glasgow.
These stories have a wonderful logic, of which Myles na Gopaleen and Gerard Hoffnung would have been proud. [And if you don’t know who I am talking about, Google them because I can’t be bothered to explain. Or as Chris McQueer would undoubtedly say “arsed”]. You can feel the characters on a trajectory to, not necessarily, disaster but to a sort of unavoidable future, whether it is Postman Pat, stoned out of his mind, Sammy having been given a samurai sword or Maureen, Annie and Daz ending up in Tokyo because they were filmed by Japanese tourists in Easterhouse. Chris McQueer is Billy Connolly on speed, with a touch of the Sean Connery gravitas to make it believable.
Sammy is one of the characters who appears in three of these stories, and we follow him from his Da dying of food poisoning, through the funeral to his uncle’s Christmas present. As Sammy says, it is mental. Big Angie, the bowls player, is the one who dominated this collection of short stories for me. This is partly because she is the main character in the longest of these short stories, and partly because she is not as hard as she seems. She is a comic creation on a Falstaffian scale, and not just because they are both fat.
Anyway, if you have not got by now that this book is a treat, then you never will. So I will “haud my wheesht”. Just read it, unless you are a “prissy wan” offended by bad language. Because this has bad language at Point 15 on the Richter Scale.
These stories have a wonderful logic, of which Myles na Gopaleen and Gerard Hoffnung would have been proud. [And if you don’t know who I am talking about, Google them because I can’t be bothered to explain. Or as Chris McQueer would undoubtedly say “arsed”]. You can feel the characters on a trajectory to, not necessarily, disaster but to a sort of unavoidable future, whether it is Postman Pat, stoned out of his mind, Sammy having been given a samurai sword or Maureen, Annie and Daz ending up in Tokyo because they were filmed by Japanese tourists in Easterhouse. Chris McQueer is Billy Connolly on speed, with a touch of the Sean Connery gravitas to make it believable.
Sammy is one of the characters who appears in three of these stories, and we follow him from his Da dying of food poisoning, through the funeral to his uncle’s Christmas present. As Sammy says, it is mental. Big Angie, the bowls player, is the one who dominated this collection of short stories for me. This is partly because she is the main character in the longest of these short stories, and partly because she is not as hard as she seems. She is a comic creation on a Falstaffian scale, and not just because they are both fat.
Anyway, if you have not got by now that this book is a treat, then you never will. So I will “haud my wheesht”. Just read it, unless you are a “prissy wan” offended by bad language. Because this has bad language at Point 15 on the Richter Scale.
October 4, 2017
I enjoyed the bulk of the book. But it was kinda like a good comedy sketch show - there were moments of pure genius, but also stuff that just didn't work for me. But the good way outweighed the bad, and the bad for me might be good for you.
January 31, 2022
Chris McQueers hilarious short story collection is full of everything that is brilliant about the West Coast of Scotland- the people, the patter and our humour!
From huts being turned into music venues, a story based around the conversations with yer mates on “what if your knees were backwards what wid ye dae?”, our hatred for all things Tory and the folk that vote for them, our passion and love for a curry; to the downright bizarre, it’s in here!
One of my absolute favourites and the biggest story in the book was bowls. Often when ye read these types of books they never feature a woman’s perspective and sometimes can even be degrading to women. But bowls knocks that right in the head when we go off on an adventure with Angie and wee Dolly! As a bowler myself, it took me back to ma childhood spent at the club and aw the weird and wonderful folk ye would meet…. With maybe just a tad less murder!
I also was a big fan of Posh C@£!… cos we all know one!
If you need a bit of an easy read and want a chance to laugh at ourselves a wee bit, then this is the one for you!
From huts being turned into music venues, a story based around the conversations with yer mates on “what if your knees were backwards what wid ye dae?”, our hatred for all things Tory and the folk that vote for them, our passion and love for a curry; to the downright bizarre, it’s in here!
One of my absolute favourites and the biggest story in the book was bowls. Often when ye read these types of books they never feature a woman’s perspective and sometimes can even be degrading to women. But bowls knocks that right in the head when we go off on an adventure with Angie and wee Dolly! As a bowler myself, it took me back to ma childhood spent at the club and aw the weird and wonderful folk ye would meet…. With maybe just a tad less murder!
I also was a big fan of Posh C@£!… cos we all know one!
If you need a bit of an easy read and want a chance to laugh at ourselves a wee bit, then this is the one for you!
June 17, 2021
What a brilliant book, I'm so glad I picked this up. There's not a story in here which didn't make me chuckle. So many witty wee lines dripping with Weegie patter. A few which gave me the cackles;
"Say wit ye want aboot the English, but ye cannae deny they know their way roon a fuckin fryin pan." (speaking about an English breakfast)
"I'm punting weed here in Paisley, eccies in Easterhoose, and gear in Motherwell all while sitting on the pan doing a shite." (drone-based drug dealing)
"His arse was so big and so dimpled that it looked like a memory foam mattress which had been skelpted with a hundred tennis balls." (do I even need to explain? Such imagery!)
Just fantastic. I currently live in Scotland, I've never lived outside Scotland, but this book somehow made me homesick. Chris McQueer has played a blinder, this was an absolute pleasure to read.
"Say wit ye want aboot the English, but ye cannae deny they know their way roon a fuckin fryin pan." (speaking about an English breakfast)
"I'm punting weed here in Paisley, eccies in Easterhoose, and gear in Motherwell all while sitting on the pan doing a shite." (drone-based drug dealing)
"His arse was so big and so dimpled that it looked like a memory foam mattress which had been skelpted with a hundred tennis balls." (do I even need to explain? Such imagery!)
Just fantastic. I currently live in Scotland, I've never lived outside Scotland, but this book somehow made me homesick. Chris McQueer has played a blinder, this was an absolute pleasure to read.
November 23, 2020
Fuck me this wisnae haf a funny hing. That cunt McQueer had me lafin me head oof oan me sofa. Ow aboot that fur a fuckin pandemic tonic.
A few examples:
The central bowls-based murder tale is world class. Fuckin top.
A few examples:
Ian came striding over and placed a sympathetic hand on Stevie’s shoulder. Stevie shuddered at the man’s touch. He had huge, fat, pink hands which reminded Stevie of big chunks of ham. He imagined ham juice seeping through his white shirt.
Pat woke up early the next morning with a monster of a hangover. He felt like a bag of smashed arseholes.
Ah started tae feel a bit sorry fur the cunt – he’d disappeared an naebody gave a fuck, no even the polis. Then ah remembered how much ae a wank he wis. Good fuckin riddance, ah say.For fans of Boyle, Brooker and Arseblog. Read this if you want your pandemic anxieties to fade away and just enjoy brilliant Scottish humour. Also read if you want to make sense of the words shed rave, shite map, korma police and budgie biceps.
The central bowls-based murder tale is world class. Fuckin top.
August 19, 2018
More exciting home-grown content from 404ink, Hings is a uniquely Scottish collection of short stories, ranging from total throwaway ideas that last a couple of pages which do little more than introduce a funny idea, to some more fleshed out longer pieces which quickly create some compelling, personable characters that suck you in.
More than anything else it's a funny collection. Sometimes very dark, often dipping into absurdism, and usually with an extremely recognisable Scottish (mostly weegie) flavour that made me feel simultaneously proud and ashamed of our culture.
The writing is good - everything moves along at a good pace and made me want to keep reading, and the ideas are interesting and original. Some callbacks appear later on in the collection which I enjoyed, and tied some of the stories into the same universe to some extent.
More than anything else it's a funny collection. Sometimes very dark, often dipping into absurdism, and usually with an extremely recognisable Scottish (mostly weegie) flavour that made me feel simultaneously proud and ashamed of our culture.
The writing is good - everything moves along at a good pace and made me want to keep reading, and the ideas are interesting and original. Some callbacks appear later on in the collection which I enjoyed, and tied some of the stories into the same universe to some extent.
June 25, 2022
A really funny and irreverent collection of Scottish short stories.
Some stories were more to my taste than others, as with any collection, but the majority made me laugh and so many of them made me go "hahaha that's so accurate" when portraying Scottish working class life and attitudes.
There were a few bonkers stories and I enjoyed the total random quality of them. Can't wait to read his other collection, HWFG.
Some stories were more to my taste than others, as with any collection, but the majority made me laugh and so many of them made me go "hahaha that's so accurate" when portraying Scottish working class life and attitudes.
There were a few bonkers stories and I enjoyed the total random quality of them. Can't wait to read his other collection, HWFG.
August 20, 2024
Some fun and easy to read short stories here. Would recommend if you fancy some kinda surreal and ridiculous Scottish short stories. Looking forward to reading Chris McQueers novel when it comes out!
March 12, 2018
Original, hilarious and unique. Everyone should read these.
June 4, 2018
i bought this on a whim because of scottish twitter and i think i got my money's worth
July 19, 2020
Like a Scottish Ben Loory or Black Mirror! Funny as owt 😂
June 12, 2022
Daft wee stories. I’d like to read more about some of these characters.
November 13, 2018
Chris McQueer is a seriously weird guy, but. His writing style is really easy to get on with, I tanned this book in a few days of commuting. As is the nature with short stories, though, I feel like these tales mostly ended before they'd finished.
April 5, 2022
This book made me howl at times but was so bizarre 🤣
October 11, 2022
Ok I adored these short stories... Obviously there's some in there that I didn't enjoy more than others, but there's also something that just hits different when reading a book in Scots, and with Scottish banter and humour. Some of these stories had me laughing out loud, and some are very weird stories. I really enjoyed reading these and found them a good light relief from a stressful and busy work week - they are really easy to pick up and read one story and have some time in between reading the next. Definitely recommend this book to Scots.
April 30, 2019
A great book of short stories that gets you excited for future releases by Chris. Full of surreal stories that made me laugh out loud repeatedly, I would recommend this to every Scottish person as there's bound to be at least one story in here that they will find a connection to. The connection may be found when they read a story that could easily have taken place in their scheme or when they find themselves laughing at the very Glasweigan humour that ties everything together.
March 4, 2020
Absolutely brilliant and so hilarious. Made me laugh out loud and cry in public!
August 12, 2021
The longest story here, Bowls, is a genuine modern Scottish comedy masterpiece. Hilariously funny in sections. The quality can vary as to be expected, but this is a debut that's full of promise.
October 22, 2018
In an ideal world, every household in Glasgow – if not the country – would keep a copy of Chris McQueer’s hilarious and surreal debut short story collection in the bog. But since we all spend that time on our phones now, you’re as well getting a copy for your Kindle.
August 10, 2018
Hings is definitely something I've never read before. With it being written completely in a Glaswegian style and with many references to genitals, alcohol and coarse language, I can't help but feel that it has a small demographic.
The book consists of several short stories, all of which (Save for the trio of stories starring Sammy) are stand-alone. I never found myself laughing at any of them and some (Posh C***s in particular) seem quite mean-spirited. Some don't make very much sense, such as the one about the magazine that shows up out of nowhere.
Other stories are quite entertaining, such as the one about the tourists and 'Sammy's Christmas'. Special mention goes to the longest work in the book, which follows 'Big Aggie' as she helps her friend Dolly get out of a sticky situation.
As a whole, it's a mixed bag that hits as many as it does miss. Although McQueer has potential, some of these stories could have used another look. If you're someone who wants something a little different, give this one a try. If you're squeamish or don't take kindly to vulgar language or themes, maybe give this a miss.
The book consists of several short stories, all of which (Save for the trio of stories starring Sammy) are stand-alone. I never found myself laughing at any of them and some (Posh C***s in particular) seem quite mean-spirited. Some don't make very much sense, such as the one about the magazine that shows up out of nowhere.
Other stories are quite entertaining, such as the one about the tourists and 'Sammy's Christmas'. Special mention goes to the longest work in the book, which follows 'Big Aggie' as she helps her friend Dolly get out of a sticky situation.
As a whole, it's a mixed bag that hits as many as it does miss. Although McQueer has potential, some of these stories could have used another look. If you're someone who wants something a little different, give this one a try. If you're squeamish or don't take kindly to vulgar language or themes, maybe give this a miss.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 27, 2017
"Alan went back to bed and fell asleep to the sound of gimpy teenagers chanting the Yaya/Kolo Toure song."
If all works out well in the world, hundreds, maybe thousands of years from now, archaeologists will be excavating Ancient Glasgow and will come across a perfectly preserved copy of Hings from which they will begin to form a picture of 21st century Scotland as a place full of radge talking budgies, eight-foot-tall, two-dimensional black rectangle people and folk cutting about schemes with Samurai swords and satsumas. Have recommended this to many! Alan's Shed.
If all works out well in the world, hundreds, maybe thousands of years from now, archaeologists will be excavating Ancient Glasgow and will come across a perfectly preserved copy of Hings from which they will begin to form a picture of 21st century Scotland as a place full of radge talking budgies, eight-foot-tall, two-dimensional black rectangle people and folk cutting about schemes with Samurai swords and satsumas. Have recommended this to many! Alan's Shed.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 138 reviews