Adult Fantasy: searching for true maturity in an age of mortgages, marriages, and other adult milestones

by Briohny Doyle

A wry and topical inquiry into how we respond when our cultural clock starts ticking.

‘For a long time I pretended turning thirty was no big deal — but looking back, it’s clear I was bat-shit na-na for a good nine months either side of that birthday.’

The first of the millennials are now in their thirties. Dubbed ‘the Peter Pan generation’, they have been accused of delaying adult milestones. But do marriage, careers, mortgages, and babies mean the same thing today that they did 30 years ago?

Briohny Doyle turned 30 without a clear idea of what her adult life should look like. A greengrocer with a graduate degree, the world she lived in didn’t match the one her parents described. Her dad advised her to find a nice secure job; her best friend got married and moved to the suburbs. But she couldn’t help wondering if the so-called adult milestones distract us from other measures of maturity.

In a crackling mix of memoir and cultural critique, Doyle explores how societies cultivate ideas about education, work, relationships, and ageing. She interrogates the concept of adulthood through the neon buzz of pop culture and the lives of other young adults. In a rapidly-changing world, she what is an adult, and how do you become one?

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Australia, Mental Health, Philosophy, Contemporary

219 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 29, 2017

About the author

Briohny Doyle is a Melbourne-based writer and academic. Her work has appeared in publications like The Lifted Brow, The Age, Overland, Going Down Swinging and Meanjin, among others, and she has performed her work at the Sydney Festival and at the Museum of Contemporary Art, Sydney.

Reviews

[Sam Cooney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Give every single person in your life a copy of this book! I'm serious. What a ridiculously important contribution to the contemporary discussion of who we are and how we might live.

[Mel Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

The casual grace of Doyle's writing, and the ease with which she combines material from secondary sources with anecdote and analysis, made this book such a pleasure to read. I grieve that it is being received mainly as a voice-of-a-generation memoir rather than a lucid work of cultural criticism and social commentary.

God I hate memoir as a genre, and I despise the industry pressure on authors to offer up the details of their personal lives as tools for a reader to understand other topics. I despise that audiences like reading these kinds of books, and that they succeed commercially.

That said, many of the cultural moments, social situations and feelings Doyle recounts were familiar to me, and I felt soothed by this book – it reassured me that I'm not a unique loser, or even part of a generation of losers, but someone living in a moment when social, economic, political and technological shifts are changing what it means to be an adult in relation to goalposts we've been acculturated to believe are fixed and unchanging. This is why I appreciated the historical and cross-cultural comparisons Doyle makes.

Mainly I felt exhausted and bad about myself after reading this book, though, because nonfiction writing is so intellectually draining for me and has negative connotations of commercial failure and audience indifference. The fact Doyle does it so well and has been widely acclaimed for her skill makes me feel depressed about ever attempting a book-length nonfiction project again.

On the bright side, here's the discussion we had about Adult Fantasy on The Rereaders, the podcast I co-host.

[Lehia Johnston · Rating 1 out of 5]

Briohny Doyle "is everything I hate about millennials" - a self righteous, completely selfcentred, directionless drag, who instead of finding direction for herself in life, decided to write a book having a go at anyone who has found their own direction or who has aims or goals or basically anyone who has achieved things she has not. 

Imagine actually wanting kids!?!?! Or to marry the person you love!?!?! Or aspiring to have a career!?!?! How dare you!? What is wrong with you!?! Dont be ridiculous. You don't want these things, only society is telling you to want these things; no one could possibly want these things on their own accord! Or imagine being someone SO talented that you can be married AND have strong friendships as well?!?! Well that sort of person just does not exist according to this ray of sunshine.

Ha. 

I strongly disliked this book.

I do not want anyone to read this book and think she represents our generation.

Briohny judged everyone for doing things she didn't want to do, or things she could not do herself. But then also managed to judge people for judging. 

She raised maybe two interesting points, then the rest of the book was just her trying to justify to herself her own insecurities about the decisions she was making and the path she was taking.

If you don't want to be judged Briohny, get off your high horse and start enjoying your life. Get over yourself and your directionless, goalless, loveless, complaining personality and start having a good time. Embrace the choices you are making! Life if pretty awesome when you let go and enjoy it.

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've never read a book that summarized my feelings about the traditional markers of adulthood (marriage, children, homeownership, money/career) so completely and so eloquently. I eschew these markers but still find myself upset, feeling like a failure, or left out because I don't partake in them. According to my kindle I've highlighted 25 passages and that was me being sparing in my highlighting. A couple of them here (more later when I'm not typing on my phone):

On how stupid it is to measure the worth of a person using traditional markers of adulthood: Do we feel all right about the suicidal twenty-nine-year-old who sat in his therapist's office, doing the funeral exercise because he was just kind, not married or on a career path, and therefore felt he lacked intrinsic value?

On caring about traditional markers of adulthood when they don't align with your values: 'I mean, every part of my logical self is like, fuck this noise, move on, live your life. But it does affect me. Sometimes it's totally paralysing.' [The amount of times I've had this conversation is ridiculous.]

So many brilliant and kind people I know are hurt by our expectations of what 'adulthood' is. It's time we changed our markers of maturity. I hope Briohny's book helps inspire a growing movement towards that.

[Michael Livingston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is brilliantly incisive, thought-provoking and regularly laugh-out-loud funny. Doyle is super smart, and lays out an original and sharp analysis of what adulthood means in our current age.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This started and finished well, with some interesting and intelligent patterns and observations on trends in developed countries in relation to the 20s to 30 age group. In these parts, Doyle seemed interested in coming to grips with the pressures and conflicts of this group, and understanding the way they are perceived by middle aged and older adults, with some insightful thoughts on the reasons for misunderstandings and portrayals in the media of the relationships between the age groups. Unfortunately, I'm only really talking about the first and last chapter here.

Because then, for the vast majority of the book, the narrative descended into Doyle's personal experiences with struggling with the same problems, and her reluctance to see herself as an 'adult' despite being in her thirties now. It got too specific and personal to be of much use to the dispassionate observer, and not interesting enough to be entertaining for the sake of the stories she was telling about her own life.
Personally, I think it is a bit of an indictment of her editors to let the book be published like this - it seemed not to know what it was; biographical stories on a theme or observations of generational differences, relatable to anybody.
I might almost say the book seemed to suffer from the same identity crisis, self indulgence and insufficiently thought out verbal outpouring that we tend to associate with people who have never 'grown up', which of course is the very topic that Doyle is examining. Doesn't make for a very worthwhile use of my time, though, as a reader, as far as I'm concerned.

[Bri Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just turned 25 and this book enunciates so many things I previously didn't have words for - a gentle, gnawing sense of dread about my next decade, a reluctance to peg my "success" against the markers laid out for me, what the fuck marriage even means these days - Doyle covers it all. It's good journalism but excellent memoir. I recommend it for everyone but particularly readers in their 20's and 30's.

[Rosamund · Rating 4 out of 5]

Instantly recommend! Even though I am not from or in Australia, there were lots of relatable examples that apply across the board. It presents solid retorts and evidence to that type of well-off older person who likes to gaslight millennials and say they're lazy or whatever - we all know about avocado-gate - without demonising any particular generation. There's also a strong personal element from the author which creates a nice thread throughout (hint: dogs!). The book didn't make me any more optimistic, but I guess at least there is validation in numbers...

[Dash · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely needed this book at this period of my life. It came to me courtesy of a friend, and acted as a touchstone in a singularly difficult time.

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would easily recommend this.

[Scribe Publications]

Brilliant ... nuanced and engrossing … [Doyle] is intrepid and brutal, but only towards herself. She spills her doubt and angst yet she sallies onward, never judging or whining, always entertaining, open-hearted and open-minded … If you’re a millennial, or you love one, or you hope to live long enough to see the world governed by them, you should be reading Briohny Doyle.
Toni Jordan, The Guardian

It's dangerous to declare anyone the voice of your generation, but if Briohny Doyle was declared the voice of mine, I'd be nothing short of honoured. In this book, she somehow articulates and refines every foggy frustration and anxiety millennials feel about their status, place in life, and where they're headed. This is a book of consolation – reminding us we're not insane or alone – and revelation, by asking all the right questions and finding answers that never fail to surprise and help.
Ben Law, Author of The Family Law

A blend of personal essay and cultural criticism from one of Australia’s best emerging practitioners of the form … [Doyle] is emerging as one of Australia’s best essayists.
Mel Campbell, The Rereaders

Adult Fantasy is like a gut-punch from L'Étranger and a balm for anti–Gen Y rhetoric. Confronting, existential, tremendous.
Anna Spargo-Ryan, Author of The Paper House

A consolation to any underachiever, bursting with wry humour and sharp insight, while unearthing the contradictions of western cultural narratives.
The Guardian

Smart, insightful, and a pleasure to read, seamlessly combining serious analysis with wry asides.
Jo Case, Books+Publishing four and a half stars

Adult Fantasy is a thoughtful, honest, and engaging examination of the myths and realities of adulthood. It’s a real pleasure to accompany Doyle as she tugs at the threads of conventional adulthood and then re-weaves them into something softer, messier, and far more forgiving.
Emily Maguire, Author of An Isolated Incident

Briohny Doyle moves beyond generationalism to explore fledgling adulthood and the failures of neoliberalism with a sharp, lucid eye. Always warmhearted and frank, and often poignant, Adult Fantasy is a vital examination of what it means to come of age today.
Jennifer Down, Author of Our Magic Hour

I loved this book. I found myself underlining so much of it that I thought I may as well give up annotating, lest I render it unreadable; often I found myself reading it and nodding vigorously in agreement ... An absorbing mix of memoir and social critique for anyone curious about millennial ennui. I want to give this book to everyone I know.
Kelsey Oldham, Readings

Rising from the ashes of a tired argument [of conflict between boomers and millennials] is Adult Fantasy, guided by a lively voice and dark humour ... The style, a mash of personal essay and cultural criticism, is a regular feature of American nonfiction and exploded in 2015 with Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts. Similarly, Doyle critiques culture through self, and is tightly reined in her use of personal anecdotes ... Firmly establishing a growing nonfiction genre.
The Australian

Thoughtful, insightful and genuinely worth the time. Weaving together historical context, observation and her own laugh-out-loud-funny experiences, Adult Fantasy is cleverly written and very readable ... Doyle’s academic smarts lend the book cred, [bringing] rigour to a subject usually shrouded in hysteria and outrage. Boomers and generation X will get just as much out of reading as younger people ... Adult Fantasy is the beginning of a conversation about generationalism that Australia sorely needs to have. And Doyle has kicked it off in a careful, considered and compassionate way.
Jamila Rizvi, Readings

A deeply insightful exploration of how traditional milestones can be both outmoded and repressive ... A thoughtful book on the future of young people.
Thuy On, The Big Issue

Doyle’s voice is a mix of cynicism, wryness and impatient desire to shrug off the inheritance of adulthood and not give a shit. Nihilism mingles with paralysing self-awareness. She doesn’t pretend to speak for her generation, but her observational humour and emotional openness make it impossible for the reader not to relate to her struggle.
The Monthly

Sharp, entertaining ... a wide-ranging meditation and, in the end, a mature reflection on 50 years of neo-liberalism, millennial political apathy, and the conclusion that responsible freedom rests upon ensuring the freedom of others.
Sydney Morning Herald

A joy to read ... a thoughtful consideration of what getting older looks and feels like to one woman.
Herald Sun

Doyle observes – and writes – with extraordinary clarity and intellect ... [This is] a wholesale, redoubtable response to a sort of sour intergenerational bluster ... A few pages in, I started picturing Doyle as the Lorax: a beautiful mind, alone on a platform above the fray, bitter and wise and weary.
Listener New Zealand

Briohny Doyle gets it ... a well-informed and heartfelt meditation on “growing up” in the strange first decades of the twenty-first century. [This is] a smart read for anyone who suspects they might be an adult, but doesn't know how to be sure. This book helps you understand and, maybe more importantly, helps you feel understood.
Brunswick Street Bookstore

Briohny Doyle brings a sobering and deeply insightful perspective to the intergenerational war over what it means to be an adult.
Citymag

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Feeling a little bit calmer about my unconventional life and my choices now. Although yesterday someone did look at me like I had three heads when I told them I had no plans to have children. I guess I just have to dance to my own rhythm and try not to freak out.

[ukuklele · Rating 2 out of 5]

Saya tertarik pada buku ini karena mengangkat permasalahan yang sedang saya alami. Tapi, walaupun sama-sama perempuan milenial, penulis buku ini berasal dari latar belakang yang berbeda dengan saya. Saya dari negara berkembang, Indonesia, dan berkulit cokelat, sedangkan dia dari negara maju, Australia, dan berkulit putih. Walaupun kedua negara ini bertetangga, tapi ada berbagai hal yang berbeda.

Meskipun tahu bahwa di luar sana banyak yang senasib sepenanggungan, saya cenderung menganggapnya sebagai persoalan pribadi karena toh pada akhirnya tiap-tiap orang harus mengatasinya sendiri. Di samping itu, saya juga mencoba melihatnya dari sudut pandang agama yang saya anut.

Adapun penulis buku ini melihatnya sebagai fenomena umum yang terjadi akibat berbagai faktor dari luar dirinya, sangat sekuler dan liberal tanpa sentuhan religius atau spiritual sama sekali. Ia meninjau sejarah (khususnya Barat), membandingkannya dengan keadaan di negara-negara lain, serta menelusuri budaya pop (film, musik, dan semacamnya) yang membentuk identitas dirinya.

Ada saat-saat dia mengunjungi psikolog, tapi cuma untuk curhat tentang kematian anjingnya serta peristiwa-peristiwa lain dalam kehidupannya. Ia tidak menggali kemungkinan adanya gangguan kepribadian yang menghambat dia untuk bisa menyesuaikan diri dengan standar yang konservatif mengenai kedewasaan. Ia seperti tidak merasa ada yang salah dengan dirinya. Ia sudah tinggal terpisah dari orang tua dan bekerja sejak baru lulus SMA, walaupun belum kunjung mendapatkan karier yang mantap. Ia selalu punya pacar, walaupun sama-sama bermasalah dengan standar kedewasaan. Ia normal. Hanya saja, ada situasi yang mengganjal.

Terlepas dari adanya pengaruh gangguan kepribadian atau tidak, saya merasa bahwa uraiannya memang sedikit banyak layak menjadi alasan kenapa generasi milenial susah "dewasa"--khususnya di Australia. Utang biaya pendidikan yang menunggak, kultur dunia kerja yang sewenang-wenang, tidak memuaskan, serta marak dengan "kutu loncat", harga rumah yang terus naik sampai selangit, adalah beberapa alasan kenapa seseorang hanya bisa memperoleh survival job alih-alih established career, seumur hidup menyewa tempat tinggal alih-alih membeli rumah sendiri, dan seterusnya.

If you have work that moves you, you will nip the air with glee. If you work only to survive, or have little opportunity for undertaking fulfilling work, you will howl and destroy the furniture. (pg. 144-145)

Khusus untuk tempat tinggal, teman chat saya dari Australia yang pensiunan mengatakan bahwa ia suka menghabiskan sebagian waktunya di luar negeri--khususnya negara berkembang seperti Filipina--karena biaya hidup yang jauh lebih murah daripada di negaranya sendiri.

Namun pengertian "dewasa" sebagaimana yang dikupas satu demi satu dalam buku ini saya pikir cenderung materialistis. Karier yang mantap, menikah, beranak pinak, punya rumah--semuanya merupakan hal-hal yang kasatmata, yang dijadikan sebagai simbol status dalam masyarakat pada umumnya. Memang untuk dapat meningkatkan karier, menjaga pernikahan, membesarkan anak, dan mengurus rumah diperlukan kedewasaan. Tapi buku ini tidak mengeksplorasi kedewasaan sebagai proses perkembangan mental sehingga seseorang dapat menerima aneka kenyataan hidup yang pahit serta mengatasi permasalahan dalam setiap jenjang kehidupan itu.

She reminded me that although in an ideal world the people in our lives tend to our needs, in reality it is unfair to demand more from someone than they can give. (pg. 79)

Kalau boleh saya katakan, buku ini membahas yang ada di permukaan saja. Atau justru, karena pada umumnya masyarakat cenderung melihat yang ada di permukaan saja, maka cuma hal-hal tersebut yang diangkat!

Buku ini seperti hendak memberikan penghiburan, pembenaran, sekaligus penegasan bahwa kedewasaan tidak mesti dilihat dari kepemilikan berbagai simbol status tersebut.

'You know what, it's better to regret to baby you didn't have than the one you did.' (pg. 116)

Penulis menunjukkannya lewat cerita tentang orang tuanya sendiri, terutama ayahnya. Ayahnya kerap mendorong dia untuk memiliki karier yang mantap, tapi akhirnya tersingkir juga dari pekerjaannya selama puluhan tahun padahal belum waktunya pensiun. Nah, kan, perjalanan hidup tidak selalu dapat dipastikan.

One things was clear, though. Our situations demonstrated that those so-called adult milestones--financial independence, family, home, and career--are not permanent states or insurance policies. (pg. 194)

Selain itu, tampaknya ada yang lebih berarti daripada kedewasaan. Seperti kata iklan,



Memang dewasa itu pilihan, tapi mati itu pasti.

'Another exercise I do with them comes from existential psychology. In it, you ask the patient to imagine their funeral. They are a spirit flying around the funeral home and they can see who is there, and eavesdrop on the various conversations mourners are having while they drink their tea. I ask them, who's there, and what are they saying about you?'

'What you think they are saying, or what you hope they'd say?'

'You do both--one where you die tomorrow, and one ideal funeral, at the end of a long life.'

'Sounds depressing.'

'No, it's a very good kick in the pants!' she said. 'Particularly for people who are quite materialistic, or always striving for status. Hardly anyone wants their friends to say things like "She had very nice furniture," or "She quickly ascended the corporate ladder," at the funeral. This is when something like kindness becomes an important thing to have developed.' (pg. 85-86)

Mau memiliki segala simbol status yang menunjukkan kedewasaan ataupun tidak, saya rasa tiap orang hanya ingin merasa nyaman dengan dirinya sendiri. Bagi sebagian orang, kedewasaan tampak datang dengan sendirinya. Berkarier dan berumah tangga dilakukan dengan begitu saja. It's just something you do. Tapi bagi sebagian yang lain, jalan untuk mencapai hal-hal itu terjalnya bukan main. Seperti kata Franz Kafka dalam surat kepada ayahnya: Kita sama-sama harus menaiki anak tangga. Sebagian orang menaiki banyak anak tangga tapi pendek-pendek. Sebagian lagi hanya perlu menaiki satu anak tangga, tapi tinggi sekali--bagaimana bisa memanjatnya? Bagaimanapun anak tangganya, toh sama-sama menuju kematian.

I was reminded of a close friend of mine who beat cancer at thirty-eight and had, in confronting death, realised with relief that all she wanted was more time to read and watch movies and eat meals with friends. Although she had reached hardly any traditional adult milestones, she had no other aching desires or fierce regrets. Knowing this, it seemed to me, should be a source of pride, not shame or anxiety. (pg. 202-203)

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I rated this four stars because Doyle raises some really pertinent questions about how we live our lives and what society deems to be important. We should be questioning why we do things more often and this book serves as a good reminder. It also highlighted the complete uselessness of intergenerational sledging.

It will however, be the last memoir style book I read by a millennial as I often find, as I did with this book, that the author’s message gets lost in a bunch of self-serving anecdotes and references to their lives which to the reader are completely uninteresting. I just don’t think that this style of memoir story telling works personally unless you have something truly unique to share.

[Joel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three and a half stars. Somewhat unfocused, Adult Fantasy relies a little too heavily on memoir and not enough on research, ultimately failing to posit a positive project or deep political analysis. All the same, it will appeal to a wide audience and present the beginnings of a critique of capitalism and mild reproach of the neoliberalism underlying Australian politics.

[Felicity · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, these waters be dark and stormy, but they're dark and stormy for everyone.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not to embody stereotypically millennial traits like narcissism or anything, but I loved Briohny Doyle's Adult Fantasy – a series of personal (yet rigorously researched) essays that eerily reflected my own life and anxieties back at me. Adult Fantasy asks what it means to be an "adult", in a time when so many of the markers of adult success are out of reach in your 30s. Doyle's discussion of friendship, alternative living/home ownership plans, and the companionship of pets in adult life ~spoke to me~.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[PRJ Greenwell · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can view this book in two different ways. One: as a work of a disaffected millennial who overthinks everything, or two: a poignant tract of non-conformism by a young woman who alternately (that's in "alternate") sees herself as a square peg in a societal round hole and then feels a need to adapt to the harsh, mutable world she's part of.

That's this book's major problem. The author doesn't know exactly what she wants this treatise to be - an autobiography? A guidebook for millennials? A bunch of hand-wringing? It's all of this and more, and while it's an entertaining work presented in lively, crisp language, the actual message is a turgid muddle.

Maybe that's the point, I don't know.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Briohny Doyle is like us but smarter. In this book she manages to clearly articulate so many things about adulthood and identity and responsibility that I, as a Gen Y Australian, have felt and wrestled with and stumbled over in trying to explain. Rather than trying to ever explain it again, I’m tempted to just carry this book around and when a Baby Boomer starts whining about “lazy young people” or a fellow millennial is stressing about how they don’t feel responsible enough yet to become a parent, I could just hand the book over and say: “look, it’s like this”. The last chapter is a 21st century millennial manifesto and it’s excellent.

[Sonia Nair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Adult Fantasy articulates many of the anxieties that keep me up at night, from not being able to afford a home anytime in the near future to the shifting goalposts of adulthood, which mean I'm on the brink of 30 but am without child, house, married partner (traditional markers of success). Although I found some parts repetitive, I enjoyed Doyle's charting of the common financial worries across generations (which were frankly, terrifying) and the shifting notions of success. It simultaneously soothed me and unnerved me.

[Clarice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most societies use marriage, career, children, finance, and property as markers for adulthood. If I understand it correctly (which is sad because i have read the whole book but still unsure of) Briohny wanted to explore if there are other ways to define the moment when we entered adulthood, if there are other markers to see how successful our adult lives are.

She used her own life experiences and books to brainstorm these two questions. And so we end up reading a memoir that’s written very academically, as though she’s analysing her own life or trying to find parts of her life to fit what she wants to write about.

I don’t think Briohny has answered her own questions by coming up with her own hypothesis and testing it. She wrote a book of mainly observations. But but but she made me think. She described phenomenons regarding the 5 traditional markers and I thought “do we really want to use these 5 markers to assess if I’m an adult, if my adult life is successful?” As the book progressed Briohny reminded us that there are other things in life like relationships, social commitment, embracing oneself that’s equally important in helping us form our definition of being an adult, of being an acceptable adult. It’s these soul searching paragraphs that made me give this book 4 stars.

Towards the end of the book I think what she really wanted to explore wasn’t about reaching adulthood. She wanted to write about maturing. How do we mature positively. How to keep living and be happy about it.

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thousand times yes! To be totally Gen Y about it, this book is my spirit animal. It takes all my muddled thoughts on growing up, "adulthood", "direction", life, career, friendships and relationships and family, and explores these ideas pragmatically. It inspects and interrogates the conventions of the weird process of growing up and tells an interesting, conversational tale as it does. It's not a memoir, but a thoughtful reflection of the ideas we all have about adulthood (I mean to say - the many and varied ideas about adulthood that different people have). It includes an impressive selection of interviews of interesting people as well as an academic look at things - the author's academic background gives this book a beautiful tone, and her ability to scrutinise her personal experiences is gold. It may surprise the author, but her personal experiences are even a little bit inspiring.
I can't speak for older people, but it seems like the exploration of both her and her parents' personal experiences would open the book's audience to people of all ages. This book could bridge the occasionally toxic gap between the generations, or at least provide some morsels to encourage understanding of the challenges of adulthood in this time.
The book does not purport to give answers, but raise questions, and challenge us.
One that I will continue to muse on for some time.

[Nikaty · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh.

Honestly, considering I'm 28, have no kids by choice, and no mortgage by circumstance I expected to like this more. The book is mostly memoir and anecdote, truthfully not told very well. Although Doyle interviewed people for it, some of them pop in for a meaningless sentence or two only to disappear. At one point a woman who lives with her child in 'offensive poverty' is brought up right at the end; no insight into their lives, what this woman even does, what their living situation is like - just an inflammatory statement that means nothing because there's no real context for it. If you had told me Doyle invented every single one of these types of interviews for the book as a literary device I might actually appreciate them more.

While some chapters would make interesting essays to read on their own, strung together like this just highlights the overall weakness of the writing. It's mostly Doyle's own life, told in a way that is very occasionally funny and usually insufferable. Even one aspect which I thought was good, that she mentions that she is a middle-class, white Australian, never really matters because she doesn't talk much about the experiences of people who aren't middle-class and white.

If you are very interested in the topic you might get something out of it, but I don't especially recommend it.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Briohny Doyle: brilliantly articulate in her clear-eyed gaze of life in the 21st century. This is a masterful and very humane exposition of life.

Every young person and every old person would benefit from reading this book. Young people, because it shows that no one is alone in their bewilderment at how to live a connected and mature life, in a world of student debt, unaffordable housing, and an insecure job market. How do you live in a way not prescribed by a normative and bounded worldview? What does it mean to be an adult? And for elders, a recognition of how life is always contingent and the world of today has a level of uncertainty and dysfunction hard to navigate, whatever your generation. I had an "aha" moment when I realized that my post-university view of the world in 1973 was in no way comparable to the post-university view of the world in 2017 when you have a $60,000 student debt. How do you move forward to save for a "forever home" when you are in an entry-level job (if you are lucky) and are paying exorbitant rent and repaying student debt?

What a compassionate voice. What an honest journey. I LOVED this book, it broke my heart and it also lifted me. Like life.
It is REAL.

[Sam Van · Rating 4 out of 5]

Briohny Doyle asks, "How do you structure an adult life that resists normative definition without finding yourself shut out in the cold?". She asks this in part because she feels her life doesn't fit the expected pattern of adult milestones, but also because for today's new adults these milestones are shifting and no longer apply as they once did. This book made me feel so seen, and I think this is why it's such a hit with people around my age (having just turned thirty, as is the catalyst for Doyle's own thinking on 'adulthood').

This book's thoughts on the pettiness of 'intergenerational sledging' made me feel a bit more kindly toward Boomers (an unexpected outcome!), and I feel like this would be a great tool in such a sledging match in order to find some common ground. More nuanced takes on the difficulties faced by both sides (as this most certainly is, and Doyle's depiction of her relationship with her father is touching) are what's needed going forward in this silly opposition.

Doyle interweaves memoir and research throughout - and what an incredible amount of research has gone into this! At times a little too much is fit into a single thought or topic, but what comes across clearly is that Doyle's thesis is more than just a hunch - adulthood is changing.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an intelligent and insightful read about what it really means to be an adult in today's world. Doyle has done a load of research into everything from property to relationships to parenthood to old age. I want my parents to read it just so I can point to certain parts and say "See! I'm not the only one who thinks like this!" because Doyle articulates it better than I ever could.

But at the same time, I appreciate the way she argues against the us vs. them mentality we all have when it comes to millennials and baby boomers. Doyle spends a lot of time looking at how things like property ownership, job redundancies and single life affect people once they reach retirement age, and I found it pretty eye-opening.

Definitely worth reading, especially if you're anxious about reaching certain adult milestones.

[howsoonisnow · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rather relatable book for anyone who's ever found themselves to be society misfits, spiritually confused and unfulfilled, and unable to reach traditional adult milestones. Full of warmth, quirk, interesting personal anecdotes and self-deprecating humour. However, at times, the author's arguments feel contrived, desperate and self-serving, as though she were grasping at straws to justify her existence, trying desperately to convince herself that it isn't she that's the failure, it's society which has failed her i.e. it does seem at times, that if she were to take responsibility for own actions, she would crumble under the weight of her own choices, and so, as a means of sanity and self-preservation, she has to blame external forces for her frustrations.

[Gee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful and so engaging. I don't know whether I am a young adult or an emerging adult or a failing adult. I don't think it matters, and I think this book does such a good job of probing and pushing against the structures that define 'adult' as a set of universally determined expectations and milestones. I love the memoir & personal aspects of this text and how it weaves through the theory and the statistics and says 'yes, I know that these choices and this lifestyle are what adult supposedly is, but I am adult and I am not this.' It's so interesting to think of humans as a whole evolving and the way in which we organise our living and our lives. We try so hard to get the things we're told to want. What do we want?

[Jules · Rating 3 out of 5]

If someone had emailed me a link to these chapters published online as separate essays, I would have read them and enjoyed them. But this is a book, and my standards for print publications are different. I am exactly the demographic Adult Fantasy is written about and for, but I didn’t connect to it. Maybe if you’re a total normie living in the outer burbs and feeling a bit stifled by convention you’d get something out of it, but in my inner city bubble we have well and truly moved on from the marriage/mortgage/babies trifecta as being something to aim for or fight against. Get married, don’t get married, who cares?