Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory

by Page Turner

Moving away from the sugar-coated honor-student answers, Page Turner leaves little to the imagination about opening a marriage, while exploring her bisexuality and self-worth. Travel through a complicated polyamorous web, in which her partners do their best to sabotage each other, break the rules, and eventually commit assault.

Genres: Polyamory, Nonfiction, Memoir, Autobiography, Relationships

402 pages, Paperback

Published May 26, 2017

About the author

Page Turner is the award-winning author of many books. With a professional background in psychological research and organizational behavioral consulting, Page is best described as a “total nerd.” She’s been cited as a relationship expert in a variety of media publications including The Huffington Post, Glamour, Self, and Bustle.

She clearly can’t see the future because she didn’t see any of that coming.

Due to her incurable wanderlust, she has lived many places, but these days she calls Dallas home.

Reviews

[Janice Payne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love the writing style, it's honest and direct, qualities which I enjoy in a good book. I highlighted quite a few quotes from this book that spoke strongly to me and helped me understand the poly dynamic from a different point of view. The unfortunate thing that I didn't like about the book was the pages and pages dedicated to copied and pasted conversations from emails, fetlife messages, and phone texts. I feel this is a dishonest way to fill space within the book and after reading large chunks of these dialogs between two people I felt like I was invading someone's personal space and I wondered if the author had consent to copy, what seems verbatim, these intimate conversations between these people that she has had so much unresolved conflict. One or two conversations that lead to a point is ok. Five, six, seven pages of nonsensical conversations chapter after chapter made me skip ahead to a more interesting part in the book or put it down.

[Zyriel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Already a fan of Page's blog, I have been looking forward to reading her book. Particularly after a blog post where she describes a friend's reaction to it. I very much enjoyed this book. I basically couldn't put it down. This is a memoir, and it drew me in. It was a good example of what a lot of poly people go through.

Throughout the book there are "Signposts" which are small asides that describe a poly related concept in a little bit more detail. This is both educational for the reader, and helps to clarify what is going on in the story for anyone who isn't clear on the terms. I thought these were great. Although I did find it interesting that her east coast poly people use somewhat different terms than my west coast ones. Hinge, for example, is a Pivot out here. And Web is a Polycule.

I am fond of Page's writing style. It is clear and direct without flowery language but with enough personality to see her shine through in it. However, the last third or so had more chat transcripts than I think I ultimately would have liked. It felt like the book turned from a memoir into a reality drama. I suspect the author may have included these direct transcripts as a proof action, "here see, it's not just my opinion, see for yourself". And I still enjoyed the book, I was already engaged in her story, but I like her writing style a lot more than I liked the transcripts.

Would I recommend this book? If you enjoy memoirs or drama, yes. If you are looking for some "day in the life of a poly person", yes. If you are looking for an instructional book, this one isn't that.

[Jay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Turner has a very conversational style of writing. Which while engaging, is very scattered. She jumps from topic to topic, out of chronological order, and is also inconsistent in her storytelling. For example some chapters she quotes directly from instant message scripts, and others from her journals or telling it as a narrative. Overall the book was very specific to her experience, not an introduction/how to guide to polyamory.

I would not recommend as a first book on the topic.

[Jasmin Chrzan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a book supposedly about polyamory. As a kink-aware therapist, I BEG if you're poly/BDSM/kink inclined and/or interested - please don't read this book. Unless you want to use it as a case study of what NOT to do. This is full of incredibly unhealthy, and, at times, non-consensual, examples of 'polyamory' and 'BDSM.' That is ABSOLUTELY NOT how healthy/good/true polyamory/BDSM/kink relationships work. This book makes that culture look like a fucking joke, when, in reality, those cultures can be amazingly healing, consensual, self-esteem building, etc.

I am so incredibly disappointed in this book. I will be leaving comments everywhere it is sold.

I should also mention this - I am a therapist specializing in sexuality. I am not poly or into BDSM (though I like to think I'm a little kinky at times). I'm a very vanilla person who works with folks who engage in these kinds of relationships. I have no skin in this game. But this book effects the perceptions of those in these communities and as someone who works with and sees healthy relationships in the BDSM and poly community, I will absolutely not be silent.

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brutally honest indeed. this book has a lot of great material for both the novice and those better versed in the polyamorous dynamic, I took what was useful for me but at the same time came to realize how different poly people can be from one another, I could totally never date as much as she did lol.. as I told my friend who read this book alongside with me, I would be emotionally exhausted.. I came to realize some things about myself as to what i think i want or dont out of my relationship(s) .. overall it was entertaining, insightful and very informative on a very difficult subject to understand for those outside and even inside the poly realm.. I also do like her blog so I'm sure ill continue to follow her adventures and its always good to learn from others, there truly is no manual for poly, so we learn what we can as we go..

[Camilla Leurs · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been following Page's work since discovering poly.land.
I wish more people were this brutally honest about polyamory.
I felt a lot of similar emotion and self doubt and confusion that Page experienced and hearing someone be totally OK with that made me feel validated.
Polyamory is hard but that doesn't mean it's not worth it. Working towards the chosen family and a life that aligns with your physical and emotional needs is an incredibly rewarding journey.
But it feels like a really steep roller coaster a lot of the time.
Thank you Page for your brutal honesty, deep emotional intuition and willingness to put yourself out there.

[DeAnna Knippling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Erm. Exactly what the subtitle says. If you're looking for a book that puts poly on a pedestal or vilifies it, this isn't your book.

I picked this up because I like the author's posts on Facebook. I thought this was well-written, not poetic but with an air of authenticity, showing warts and all. It's quite the ride for a while, and I struggled with wanting to shout at some of the characters (although not the narrator). Maybe that's narrative bias, but, well, the book resonated.

Recommended if you are looking at a poly lifestyle OR just like honest memoirs.

[Suzanna Fitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yeah, it should really be BDDSSM, ... looks less like a cat sitting on a keyboard, ...

This book was gripping, funny, and well written. Below is one of my favorite pieces that had me giggling as I read.

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Yeah, it should really be BDDSSM, but BDSM looks less like a cat sitting on a keyboard, so they went with that.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

One Woman's experience in polyam

This was an okay book. It is the memior of page turner who opened up her marriage and the eight ensuing years in that. It's honest and telling. Overall the book is readable and stays on point. She starts from the time of opening the marriage to the 8th year of it. The thrill of seeking out partners to hard realities of juggling multiple people in one's life. It's good if you want a personal account on polyam.

[Balloo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I liked the book but I definitely liked Page and I respected and appreciated her honesty with herself. Some of the conversations were - as she herself remarked - very cringe to read but hey - we live, we grow, we learn.

She’s obviously a lovely person and surprisingly relatable because I consider myself an introvert / find it hard to make friends / am an overall very different personality type from her.

[Liliana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good memoir. The writing style is light and easy to read. I didn’t appreciate the STI-phobia, even though that is almost standard in hierarchical poly so I should have expected it. I could have lived without most of the conversation transcripts but a couple of them added to the story and the rest didn’t take too much away from the enjoyment of reading.

[Gert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enjoyable read. Good varied story to be told.
Slightly disappointed by the last page. I expected the story to stop there, but I also expected a "today we're happily open" mention. This ending feels so mononormative.. (sorry)
Definitely a light, good read though.

[Jodie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked it! I finished it in a few days because i wanted to know what happened next. I would have liked 2 read this when I started my polyam life. It's nice to read real-life stories and learn from other peoples mishaps.

[Patrick Boudreau · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the authenticity. The scenarios described were very relatable and diverse. It was unfortunate to find so many typos throughout.

[Seeking · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kindle