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58 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 1, 2017
Since I haven’t danced among my fellow initiates, following a looped procession from woods at the edge of a village, Tata’s people would think me unfinished – a child who never sloughed off the childish estate to cross the river boys of our tribe must cross in order to die and come back grown.“The death of parents is something that makes people grow up sooner than they otherwise would expect,” he says. “But there are other ways. Black men are particularly racialised and some of the ways they are viewed prejudicially prompt moments of having to grow up quickly. As a kid I was never in trouble with the police, but certain interactions with them were fraught because of stereotypical notions held on both sides. Those were moments where I had to learn to carry myself in a certain way, which was not the way a child should be learning to carry himself. There have been many things that stood in for that singular moment of initiation.”
I was raised in a strange land, by small increments: when I bathed my mother the days she was too weak, when auntie broke the news and I chose a yellow suit and white shoes to dress my mother’s body, at the grave-side when the man I almost grew to call dad, though we both needed a hug, shook my hand.
If my alternate self, who never left, could see me what would he make of these literary pretensions, this need to speak with a tongue that isn’t mine? Would he be strange to me as I to him, frowning as he greets me in the language of my father and my father’s father and my father’s father’s father?
The silence between songs can’t be modulated by anything other than held breath. You have to sit and wait, time the release of the pause button to the last tenth of a second so that the gap between each track is a smooth purr, a TDK or Memorex your masterwork. Don’t talk to me about your MP3 player, how, given the limitless choice, you hardly ever listen to one song for more than two minutes at a time. Do you know about stealing double As from the TV remote so you can listen to last night’s clandestine effort on the walk to school? You say you love music. Have you suffered the loss of a cassette so gnarled by a tape deck’s teeth it refuses to play the beat you’ve come to recognise by sound and not name? Have you carried that theme in your head these years in the faint hope you might know it when it finds you, in a far-flung café, as you stand to pay, frozen, and the barista has to ask if you’re okay?Kumukanda is a very personal collection. If I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would be: What is lost is lost, never to be found again. Kayo traces the loss of his original culture, the loss of his parents (first his dad, then his mum), the loss of boyhood and innocence, the loss of language which now doesn't permit him to communicate with "his people" in a tongue natural to them.
Casting
My agent says I have to use my street voice.
Though my talent is for rakes and fops I’ll drop
the necessary octaves, stifle a laugh
at the playwright’s misplaced get me blud and safe.
If I get it they’ll ask how long it takes me
to grow cornrows without the small screen’s knowing
wink. Three years RADA, two years rep and I’m sick
of playing lean dark men who may have guns.
I have a book of poems in my rucksack,
blank pad, two pens, tattered A-Z, headphones
that know Prokofiev as well as Prince Paul.
"I hope you hold on to your wonder
that you'll never grow so stiffly poised
a scent or song is not enough to conjure
that smile of yours, the fullness of your voice."
"Kid brother, we breathers have made an art
of negation, see how a buckled drum
is made from a man's beating heart
and a fixed gaze is a loaded weapon."
"knowing, even in this harshest of lights,
what's unrecorded is a reverie
faded in a year, gone in a century?"
"What if the wind blowing through
the french doors of your childhood
is the house's way of saying goodbye
and when you call out, answering
yourself, greeting the gone out of habit,
you hear, for the first time, the timbre
of your voice how someone else might?"