The Mother-Daughter Puzzle: A New Generational Understanding of the Mother-Daughter Relationship

by Rosjke Hasseldine

From the sales desk to the boardroom, too many women feel as though they are "giving from a place of empty," constantly putting their wants and needs last in a culture that expects them to give and never take. If this describes you, take heart! The source of your dilemma might well spring from the relationship you have (or had) with your mother, your daughter, or both.

In The Mother-Daughter Puzzle, Rosjke Hasseldine, an internationally recognized expert on the mother-daughter relationship, Huffington Post blogger, and Adjunct Lecturer at the University of New Hampshire, provides a step-by-step guide on how to connect the dots between what's happening in your mother-daughter relationship and how society and your generational family treats women. Rosjke's book teaches you how to map your mother-daughter history, an eye-opening way to help provide answers to your dilemma. From this mapping, you'll also learn how to raise your entitlement to speak and be heard, and to challenge and change harmful sexist beliefs and cultural stereotypes, so you can enjoy an emotionally connected, mutually supportive mother-daughter bond.

"In The Mother-Daughter Puzzle, Rosjke Hasseldine explores one of the most influential relationships in women's lives. Her stories vividly demonstrate the dynamic nuances of this grounding relationship, and how those dynamics shape the way women relate to themselves, their work, and how they engage in other interpersonal relationships. She challenges readers to assess the mother-daughter dynamic in a new way and engage in processes that foster equality and structure egalitarianism."

Helen LaKelly Hunt PhD, author of And the Spirit Moved Them: The Lost Radical History of America's First Feminists.

"This is a very important book. It can help us all to understand the mother-daughter relationship and guide us to create a positive one. A must-read."

Gloria Feldt, former President and CEO of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Co-Founder and President of Take The Lead, author of No Excuses.

Genres: Parenting, Self Help

176 pages, Paperback

Published June 9, 2017

About the author

I grew up in New Zealand, which is where my interested in understanding the dynamics between mothers and daughters began. What started as a personal quest about my own difficult relationship with my mother quickly grew into a life-long passion. After graduating from Indiana University with a MS in Counseling, I moved to England, where I started working as a mother-daughter relationship therapist. I now live in New Hampshire.

Reviews

[Maria Ivars · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read it for my PhD.
There are interesting reflections and ideas, but I found it too superficial. I was expecting more theoretical perspectives in this reading, but it end up being a practical guide to stand up for your rights and needs in familiar environments. I have grasped some ideas that I may consider for future research, but I found it a bit basic :(

[Rosalia Adisti · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m very happy that I read this book, it feels to me like a framework to see my relationship with my mother the way I used Gottman’s for the relationship with my husband. I’m yet to do anything I learned from here but this would be amazing to discuss with friends.

[Stephanie Fenzl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really helped me when I started to question the health of my relationship with my mother. Rosjke does an amazing job riding the line between staying connected and cutting off the relationship when things aren't healthy. She gives you the tools to decide which one is best for you and doesn't push either option on you.

If I ever have conversations with other women who have unhealthy relationships with their mothers I always recommend this book first. This is mainly due to the thought provoking nature of the book and unbiased nature of the author.

Highly recommend if you are looking into your relationships and want advice that doesn't just tell you what to do. Recommended for those who are just kind of like "I don't really know what to do and I want help"

[Ahlywashaw.ca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, I saw myself on every page and more importantly, an explanation of why there has been generational mother daughter conflicts in our family. Now, if I can apply what I’ve learned to the reality of my life, I’ll be forever grateful! Shocking that there are so few reviews of this exceptionally insightful book!

[Simone Ayoubkhan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas but was repetitive. I was looking for more concrete tips for building my relationship with my preteen daughter, and it disappointed in that respect. Also, my mother passed away when I was very young, and it didn’t have any suggestions for mapping when the woman does not have a biological mother (do I use my grandmother? MIL? Stepmother? A combination? Family dynamics are more complicated than the map allows). However, I did like the concept of emotional honesty and supporting other women, especially one’s daughter!

[JKC · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good. A lot of insights into the mother-daughter relationship, particularly helpful if yours is a dysfunctioning one. It has exercises and whatnot. I usually bail at that point though I still found the walkthroughs of the exercises helpful and they provided much food for thought. I will be revisiting.

[Kel Caffekey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant book, super glad i got it after I watch a webinar on Pesi. This really helped me understand why my mum and grandma were the way they were.
This kinda of work is definitely needed in a therapy setting as in 10 years of mother wound work with various therapists none of them looked at it from this aspect.

[Samantha LaBat · Rating 3 out of 5]

First half was interesting, second half basically reiterates what the first half already said.

[Sarah Owen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is life saving.

You may not know how much you need to read it until you start.

All women should read this and all Counselling/psychotherapy courses should have it on their curriculum.